RE: We Defeated the Devil King, But Now Our Daily Life is Compromised
by BoringBone
Summary: Because accelerated plot progression is to FanFiction as long titles starting with 'RE:' are to Light Novels. Kazuma and his vibrant cohorts, through their primary means of victory: sheer luck and guile, somehow manage to kill the Devil King, who just happened to be around in the neighborhood. Humorous ramifications abound.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: This fanfiction series contains light novel spoilers.**

 **...**

 **Chapter 1: A Lopsided Random Encounter for This Unfortunate Party!**

 **Part 1**

It was noon and I had woken up with a hangover from our festivities the previous night. We had just arrived in Axel and we were celebrating our safe return from the city of Axis-cultist freaks, Alcanretia, and our victory against Hans, the giant poison slime.

The girls were lounging in the living room, engaging in activities of varying levels of productivity. Darkness and Megumin were enriching their intellect with books. Darkness with a technical guide about business deals, a reading likely related to her duties as a daughter of Dustiness, while Megumin was reading an encyclopedia of arcane knowledge.

Aqua, however, was idling away, lying sprawled on the sofa. That disinterested demeanor of hers reminded me too much of my NEET days and I cringed at the recollection.

"Oi, sit properly, you sloppy goddess. You don't have a monopoly on the couch."

When I received no response, I started gathering Drain Touch magic in my palms. Aqua immediately rectified her behavior.

"I'm sorry about that, Kazuma-san. Please, take a seat."

This arrogant goddess could switch to a subservient attitude with rapid ease.

I turned to Megumin, who was in charge of making lunch that day.

As if sensing my intentions, without looking up from her book, she said, "There's some beef curry rice for you in the kitchen."

I had a bout of nostalgia as my parents had interacted in much the same way as Megumin and I had done, my father wordlessly inquiring about the food, my mother sensing this and describing the meal she cooked, and my father would reply with, 'Thanks, dear'.

I was tempted to reply to Megumin in much the same way, but the book in her hands was big and heavy and I knew that she wouldn't hesitate to throw it at me.

I was about to head to the kitchen when Darkness suddenly coughed.

Thinking it to be a non-event, I kept walking but she coughed again with deliberate intention.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"You had some sort of meaningful interaction and banter with the other two, but you completely neglected me."

She seemed to be complaining but she didn't sound too offended.

I tried to summon a witty retort but the whole routine with Darkness could drag on forever if you let it, and I was too hungry and hungover to care.

I didn't bother to reply and headed to the kitchen. I saw the curry on the table and there was still some steam rising from it. The curry was good and Megumin was certainly talented as a cook, but her frugal tendency to choose inexpensive alternatives to conventional ingredients kept her meals from becoming truly delicious.

As I was eating, I contemplated about how to spend my day.

Should I patrol the streets of Axel once more, as a good citizen should do?

However, people called me a loitering NEET the last time I did that, completely misunderstanding my altruistic intentions.

Instead, maybe I could spend the day with Dust, or observe the amusing antics of Yunyun, or I could pull a prank on the police officers who had treated me _so_ well during the whole bomb teleporting fiasco.

Well, regardless of what I set out to do, there were certain appointments I had throughout the day that seemed to become, over time, permanent fixtures in my daily life. I refer to events such as my Explosion routine with Megumin, my afternoon socialization with my fellow lonely bachelors in the guild, and finally, my nightly visit to _that_ shop.

In the former world, I would have criticized such an eventful and fulfilling 'normie' lifestyle, but now that I experienced life beyond image boards and MMO'S I began to acclimate to it.

It was kind of strange, how I'd develop such an eventful yet typical everyday life in a parallel, fantasy world.

And some days, life in Axel seemed to be more normal than my previous life on Earth.

But this day was not one of those fulfilling, normal days.

"Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!"

Aqua was bellowing this from the living room.

She really was an idiot, screaming like that. If there was indeed an intruder, what was the point of letting them know that we were aware of their presence?!

However, Aqua likely sensed an unknown presence in our property through the means of her barrier, which had acute radar-like capabilities. Even if it was that unreliable Aqua, we had to take her warnings seriously.

We rushed out and only Megumin had the time and opportunity to equip herself, grabbing her staff, which she inappropriately stashed away in a container meant for umbrellas.

"Where is he Aqua?" Darkness said.

"In the courtyard. Ugh! Be careful! I sense a powerful presence…"

Aqua had scrunched up her face in an unnecessary exertion of focus, and she had her fingers pressed up to her temples in a pantomime of a cliched sensor-type character. She was having fun with this commotion.

We found the supposed intruder by our laundry line. We all collectively gasped.

His appearance, two black horns, crimson armor, and a pair of large bat-like wings, categorized him immediately in the bad guy classification.

But what was really surprising was that he had Darkness's panties in his grasp, his free hand reaching for Megumin's panties, which were hanging from our makeshift clothesline that was Aqua's staff.

Such an intimidating looking guy now had an ecstatic countenance as he played with the pilfered panties.

Silence.

"What are you doing with my panties, you creep?" Darkness said.

This glutton for punishment, for once, seemed like she wanted to deal out the punishment instead of receiving it.

"Oi, either I have the police arrest you for sexual crimes or I cast Explosion on you point blank. I'll let you choose your punishment, pal."

And this Explosion addicted little girl was mouthing off some pretty dangerous threats.

"Not like I care, but why isn't he interested in my panties at all?"

Let's not pay heed to this worthless goddess.

As for me, I kept silent. This guy was undeniably 'last boss' material, though I was basing this assumption on his appearances alone.

Then again, that a 'last boss' type would go out of his way to steal the panties of young girls was sort of absurd.

"Eh? How are you four seeing me right now? I casted the most powerful illusion magic on myself before doing this…"

"The barrier I set up around this house can dispel illusion magic. Fufu. My abilities are obviously way superior to yours!"

Aqua gloated before this dangerous looking enemy without any apprehension.

"Hmm, to think that I'd find such a capable Arch Priest here in Axel. Then again, someone like me is fooling around in this city, too, so I guess such freak occurrences do occur sometimes.

He scrutinized the members of our party, eyes settling on Aqua who had needlessly given away our element of surprise by gloating about her powers. I noticed that he was scrutinizing me as well, with more interest than I expected and was comfortable with.

Still observing me, he said, "You have black hair and black eyes. You wouldn't be one of those heroes, would you?"

I had a feeling that those 'heroes' were the Japanese who were resurrected here with cheat items.

"Nope. Definitely not. Not at all."

"What's your name, boy?"

If I told him a Japanese sounding name, then he might associate me with the other Japanese adventurers. And then he'd say something like "I'll kill you right now while you're still weak" or worse, he'll say "I'll make sure that you can never birth any future heroes" and then proceed to emasculate me in the surest way possible.

"His name is Satou Kazuma, what's it to ya?"

Did this retarded goddess have a grudge against me or something?!

"I see. Indeed, you resemble those heroes, which means that you must have a powerful magical item yourself. That makes you dangerous. In fact, if I remember correctly, the legendary hero of past also had the name 'Satou'. Perhaps you are a descendant of his?"

This guy didn't know that 'Satou' was a fairly common surname back in Japan...

"Actually, my name is Mitsurugi Kyouya," I said.

For some reason, I used that good-looking normie as a scapegoat, even though he had a Japanese sounding name himself.

I think the mentality was that if I went down, at least I'd be taking a 'hot guy' like him with me.

"You mean that Cursed Sword user?! Then, while I have the chance, I'll make sure that you never birth any future heroes, Mitsurugi Kyouya!"

I scurried behind Darkness's reliably indestructible frame. "Protect me Darkness! This guy intends to cut off the most important part of my body!"

"W-What?! This guy is planning to cut off your right hand?! Men like Kazuma, who have no way of charming women with natural means, have a very great need for their dominant hands!"

There was no insult so severe as the undiluted truth.

Nonetheless, Darkness, who seemed to be knowledgeable in all sorts of things excluding an essential understanding of common sense, seemed to be misunderstanding something.

Darkness was of no help. I turned to Megumin. "Pubertal and emotionally vulnerable girls like you tend to fall for any guy they have the most interaction with, and that would be me, right? So you're hopelessly in love with me, right? My love-sick minion, protect me if you want any of my babies in the future!"

"W-What the hell are you…?! This presumptuous bastard! Forget this other guy, I'll chop your balls off myself!"

Megumin swung her staff at me with lethal force behind it, but I hid behind Darkness, who eagerly absorbed the blow.

Meanwhile, Aqua was approaching that dangerous guy.

"For awhile now, I've noticed this really terrible smell coming from you, you know? You stink! You stink way worse than Wiz and that masked Devil freak!"

"You've met Wiz and Vanir? What is your relationship with them?"

If this guy didn't seem dangerous enough, he had just admitted to knowing Wiz and Vanir. This guy could be directly involved with the Devil King, or he could be...

Aqua seemed to take this guy's inquiry seriously and gave it deliberate thought. "W-Well, a divine individual such as I is forbidden from perjury and false witness. So I will tell you the truth. I guess you could say that Wiz and that Devil and I, we are...casual acquaintances, or something like that...but nothing more, got it?! It's not like we're friends or anything!"

Where did this tsundere come from?!

But, at that moment, the meek Aqua who reluctantly admitted to her cordial relationship with the two former Devil King generals, was admittedly very cute.

I am ashamed to admit that my heart fluttered for Aqua, just for a second.

"What kind of phony Arch-Priest is friends with a Lich and a Devil?"

He made an excellent point.

"Don't underestimate me! I can kill those two whenever I want!"

"Then why don't you?"

Another excellent point.

This guy seemed to be enjoying teasing Aqua. Not that I could fault him. That was one of my favorite past-times, too.

"Hmph. Kazuma tells me that I should let them live because they are in charge of protecting the barriers around the Devil King's fortress, or whatever. After we kill all the Devil King army's generals, then that Lich and that Devil will deactivate the barrier, and then we will storm the Devil King's fortress and lay siege to it! Well, isn't it an amazing plan or what? Kazuma is a really smart and dangerous guy! He's defeated so many Devil King generals already, including that poison-or-whatever creature named Hans! If I was the Devil King, I'd come to Axel and personally assassinate Kazuma while he's still fairly low leveled!"

I was certain that this worthless goddess must have held a great grudge against me.

Maybe it was because of that time I stole a bottle of fancy wine she had been looking forward to drinking, and then I disguised myself as a wine merchant and sold the wine to her for a price worth more than what she initially bought it for.

After Aqua's outburst, there followed a great stretch of silence.

"Um, you guys do know that _**I'm**_ the Devil King, right?"

I was once again reminded that this world, contrary to expectations, did not adhere to the linear progression of RPG's.

This was the kind of world where you'd provoke a random encounter with a Devil King in a city meant to acclimate newbie adventurers.

And then, for some inexplicable reason, you'd find him in your backyard fiddling with your female comrades' underwear.

Seriously, what is wrong with this world?!

I knew that my party members, who had a tendency to panic in crucial moments, would completely freeze up if I gave them time to render all the new information.

Before that happened, I needed to overload their respective thought processes with rapid instructions.

"Megumin, begin casting Explosion. Darkness escape with Aqua and protect her even if it kills you."

Darkness looked at me and then at the Devil King and then, clouded somewhat in an uncertain daze, she picked up Aqua in her arms and started running away.

I rushed up to the Devil King and casted Steal. His armor, which was apparently a one piece type, materialized in my arms. It was heavy so I dropped it. Then I dove to the Devil King and wrapped my arms around him in a tackle-like grip. I intended to have him fall along with my momentum but his strength stat far surpassed mine. Without pausing, I used all of my mana in casting a super powered Drain Touch. I didn't collapse from the mana exhaustion as the Devil King's abundant mana flowed through and replenished my reserves.

"W-What?! This is a Lich Skill! How did you...that Wiz! She said that she wouldn't intervene!"

The Devil King tried to move but the super powered, full-body contact Drain Touch was rapidly sapping his energy.

"It hurts!" he said. "This my first time (experiencing physical pain in combat) and it huuuuurtsss!"

His speech kind of slurred during an important part so this position of me tightly embracing him was incredibly suggestive!

"Kazuma, I'm done chanting. I can cast Explosion right now," Megumin said.

"OK. Do it."

"Eh?! We will both die too, you know?! Especially you! And Darkness is still in range, she'll die too. I've leveled up my Explosion since the fight with Vanir, you know?!"

"Will Aqua survive?"

"Yeah, she will, if Darkness protects her, but…"

"Then just do it! If there's one thing that worthless goddess is good for, it's resurrection magic!"

"Wait, did you say goddess?! No, that blue hair...don't tell me…?!"

The Devil King managed to get an arm free. He punched my face.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, your whole face is caved in!"

As I was about to fall unconscious due to the pain of having my face collapsed, I felt all the mana in the area gather into the spot above me and the Devil King.

"Damnit, for me, the Devil King, to die like this…!"

The gathered mana was descending upon us.

"Wait, don't you want to hear my back story first?! After my wife divorced me, I've fallen into a state known as the 'midlife crisis' and since then I've been engaging in all sorts of juvenile acts in an attempt to relive my days as a reckless youth. Since then, I've been going around my fortress and sexually harassing my female subordinates...stealing panties, flipping skirts, using the most powerful scrying magic to observe them while they are taking a bath...it was all so much fun! But recently, I got in trouble with a certain big breasted magician in my employ and so now I have to take my acts of perversion elsewhere. Hence why I am here now. Well to be honest with you, I came to Axel to visit Wiz. Hehehehehe, I missed Wiz so much! Did you know? The reason Wiz retired from the Devil King army was because of the constant workplace sexual harassment she had to endure from me and the Dullahan, Verdia…"

"We didn't need to know your pitiful life story! Please, just shut up and die with dignity!"

This guy's tendency to completely perv out reminded me way too much of myself and I didn't feel too good about that for some reason!

"Kazuma, I-I'm really gonna do it! I'm not going to chicken out, if you're counting on that! You can stop me now if you want to change your mind!"

Megumin said this as she was quivering. She couldn't even stand up properly and was leaning on her staff for support.

"Who are you trying to convince, me, or yourself?! I thought that you were a great magician this and the number one in Axel that. If you don't back up all that haughty talk with proof then you're nothing but a fraud, you delusional loli!"

That seemed to break her out of her apprehension. Megumin straightened herself and flicked her cape. And her eyes were glowing crimson.

"How dare you insult me! Insulting my prowess is the same as insulting my lineage and race! Fine, I will show you the ultimate power of the Crimson Demons!"

I had witnessed Megumin's magic activate many times and I could feel that the Explosion was looming.

She raised her arms in the sky and then let it fall in a chopping motion to the direction of the incapacitated Devil King.

"Hear me, Devil King! I am Megumin! The number one Arch-Wizard in Axel! One who wields Explosion magic! I have overcome many tribulations to reach the epitome of my craft, and you shall witness my full power! I am the bone of my sword! The hammer of my infinite destiny, oh, the beautiful distortion of my wicked soul, shall cruelly extinguish your..."

The Devil King punched my face once more.

"Megumin, get on with it!"

"...your brittle existence! Here it comes! My beloved...EXPLOSION!

The last thing I saw was the clear, blue sky.

It was a beautiful day.

Then the sky was swallowed by the golden flares of Megumin's Explosion.

And then we, the Devil King and our rag tag group, was devoured by the flames.

With the Devil King in my arms, I felt how his body slowly disintegrated.

"Damn you, Mitsurugi Kyouya! When I come back as a specter from hell, I will scour the earth for you and destroy you!"

Maybe I shouldn't have used Mitsurugi's name.

 **Part 2**

Megumin, Darkness, and I awoke in a familiar room. The goddess, Eris-sama, was seated in front of us.

She smiled gently and raised her arms towards us. "Brave adventurers, allow me to commend you on your valiant…"

Darkness rushed towards Eris-sama and fell to one knee, and she sort of drifted along the floor a little, and the spot where she initially fell received multiple deep cracks radiating from it. "Eris-sama, it is an honor to be in your holy presence!"

Eris, who was not an egomaniac like Aqua, began to feel flustered at Darkness's reverence.

"Um, there's no need for such formalities, Darkness."

'Formalities' was an understatement.

"You know my name?!"

"Fufu. Of course I do. I've always been watching over you, Darkness."

Darkness was crying tears of joy. "If meeting Eris-sama requires the condition of death, then I will gladly die a thousand times!"

"P-Please don't do that."

Megumin was equally enamored with Eris-sama, specifically, her eyes were gravitated to a particular part of Eris-sama's divine anatomy. "Um, Eris-sama, an arch-priest teammate of mine always says that Eris-sama pads her breasts..."

"Geez, that Aqua-senpai...um, I mean, no, I don't wear pads…"

"No, I refuse to believe that such a slender body can support those jugs. Please tell me where I can purchase such effectively deceptive breast pads."

Darkness unsheathed her sword and raised it against Megumin. "You dare blaspheme in the presence of Eris-sama?! Even if it's Megumin, as an Eris cultist I…"

I wedged myself between Darkness and Megumin. "Wait, there's really more pressing matters at hand here." I turned to Eris-sama. "Can you check up on Aqua and see if she's making any progress in resurrecting us?"

Eris nodded. Her eyes took on a detached look. After a few seconds, her gaze refocused. "Aqua-sen...I mean, Aqua- _san_ has scavenged half of Darkness's body. Megumin-san's head, and somehow Kazuma-san's...erm, _private parts_ have remained intact..."

"Take that, Devil King! My manhood lives!"

"We actually did it! We defeated the Devil King!"

"Fufu. Now that the position is open, perhaps I, the great Megumin, should take up the Devil King's mantle as supreme ruler and tyrant? The crimson demon blood in me boils at the possibility."

Did we really do it? That easily?

These surreal thoughts occupied my mind.

We defeated the Devil King, and there was no need for arduous treks to the boss's lair and fighting his henchmen in solo battles filled with backstory and exposition. There were no delays, no tournament arcs, no fillers. The final boss literally delivered himself to our door step and we killed him in under a minute of fighting.

That's right, this wasn't like the stories in anime and manga. I wasn't like the dense protagonists who'd allow their enemies to compose themselves in battle for the sake of 'honor' and 'pride'. I'd strike whenever an opportunity presented itself to me.

I was the type of guy who'd use Steal to strip the Devil King off of his equipment while ordering a fourteen year old girl to unleash the most powerful spell in existence, point blank, to kill the enemy along with herself and her best friends.

To defeat evil, fight with equal malice…

"Now then, it is time to impart on you victorious adventurers the ultimate reward for defeating the Devil King!"

I had almost forgotten about the wish given to the heroes who defeated the Devil King.

"Eh? Reward? I didn't know anything about that, do you, Megumin?" Darkness said.

"None of our legends and myth say anything about a reward," Megumin said. "Maybe it's because we died at such a young age and the gods felt sorry for us?"

"No, it's nothing like that, really," Eris-sama said.

I bet that the gods only bothered to tell the resurrected heroes about the reward because only those Japanese cheaters with cheat weapons had any real chance of defeating the Devil King.

"W-Well, nonetheless, there _is_ a reward. You are given one wish, and this wish might be anything and is not limited by the constraints of reality, physics, or even ethics. Though, as righteous heroes, I expect that…"

"Please resurrect the Devil King and have me be his s-s-sex slave!"

Eris-sama visibly recoiled at Darkness's sudden change in disposition from loyal disciple, to worthless degenerate. However, Eris-sama's reaction was more subdued than what was warranted, as if she somehow anticipated such behavior.

On the other hand...

"I want you to make my breasts really big and shrink the breasts of all the other big breasted women in the world." Megumin looked at Darkness. "Please start with this meat bag over here."

What an idiot. They're both idiots.

"I'm sorry, but I can only give you one wish. I suggest that you three take some time to decide while Aqua-san restores your bodies, as the process may take awhile."

Translation: there's no way I'm granting those wishes.

 **Part 3**

Eris-sama showed us to a room as she resumed her goddess business. It was a plain bedroom. The walls were painted white and the furniture was colored the same violet as Eris-sama's eyes. Could this be…

"Could this be Eris-sama's bedroom?!"

I jumped on a bed covered in violet bed sheets and rolled around in it, sniffing the sheets, shoving my face in the pillows.

"Hah, hah, hah…*sniff*, *sniff*...hmmm...Eris-sama's scent…"

"You scoundrel! Get out of Eris-sama's divine resting place!"

Darkness lifted me and threw me onto the floor. But I didn't really feel any pain.

To experiment, I pinched my arm. There really wasn't any pain! I even casted tinder on the skin but not only did no burns appear, it didn't hurt or even feel remotely warmer at all.

"It doesn't hurt. Is this an ambient effect of heaven? Or perhaps it's because we are now in our spiritual forms?"

Darkness gasped. "A world without pain?! Heaven sure is a hellish place."

There were many things wrong with that statement.

Megumin sat on the sides of the bed and she was swinging her feet. She said, "Why don't we discuss what we'd wish for, for now."

"Right, I suppose it's time to go to business."

I joined her on the bed. Darkness, saying something about respecting Eris-sama's private space, stood quite a ways from us.

"Since Aqua is not here, I feel that we should keep her in mind when making the wish, too," Darkness said.

I had somehow forgotten about Aqua's involvement in this. In fact, now that she helped me defeat the Devil King, though, she really didn't contribute in the actual battle, she could finally return and reclaim her position in heaven.

"OK, now that we got out of the way, can I go first?" Megumin said.

The order didn't really mean anything so Darkness and I acceded.

"I want big breasts."

And immediately regretted our decisions.

"Are you crazy?"

"I reject this motion."

This was probably the stupidest thing that has come out of Megumin's mouth.

"In the event I get big breasts, I will allow Kazuma to grope them for two minutes."

"Are you crazy?!"

"I second this motion."

This was probably the smartest thing that has come out of Megumin's mouth!

I raised a hand. "Show of hands of those who approve."

Megumin raised her hand.

Darkness instead raised her fist to threaten us. Using violence during a civil discussion, she really was a muscle brained brute.

"There are more imperative matters to use our wish on than Megumin's breasts! What about wishing for world peace? Or maybe we can go back in time and kill the Devil King before he ascends to the throne?"

"Silly Darkness. You really don't know how wishes work, do you? Sure, world peace sounds great and all, but how do you think such peace will be granted? I've read enough fantasy and sci-fi literature to know that such a wish will turn the world as we know it into a brainwashed dystopia, where no one has any free will, or personalities and individuality, for that matter. And about going back in time and killing the Devil King, haven't you ever heard about the butterfly theory?"

In reality, when you are given an all powerful wish, those on a grand, global scale, or anything involving time travel will surely lead to disaster. That's why selfish but innocuous wishes like, for example, increasing Megumin's breast size, is our safest option.

But most importantly...

"I want to grope those big breasts and nothing you say will change my mind."

"Geez! If you want to grope big breasts so badly, there's a pair right here, you know?!"

 **Part 4**

By the time Aqua finished repairing our bodies, we had yet to decide on a wish.

"It's OK. Take your time. There is no time limit," Eris-sama said.

"Eris-sama, how should we contact you once we make up our mind?" Darkness said.

"Don't worry. Once you decide, just call on me and I'll personally come to you."

"Eh?! Eris-sama will descend to the mortal realm?!"

"Fufufu. Kazuma already knows this, but of course this will surprise you. I come down to the world of the living sometimes to play, but keep it between you and me, OK, Darkness?"

Darkness was stunned when Eris winked at her. Not like I could blame her. Eris, whenever she did such simple things like smiling or mischievously winking, would effortlessly elevate her waifu potential from the realms of best girl to god-tier waifu.

"Thank you, Eris-sama. And I'm very honored to have met you in the flesh today."

"Hm? And what makes you think that this is our first meeting, Darkness?"

"Eh?"

Suddenly, a bright light enveloped us.

"Oi! Kazuma! Megumin! Darkness! The great me has finished resurrecting you! Stop chatting it up with that breast padding, slutty kouhai of mine and come back here!"

Aqua's loud voice intruded the serene space of Eris-sama's realm.

"W-Well then. It is time for you to return."

"Wait! Eris-sama, what did you mean by…?"

"Brave heroes, resume your great deeds! You have defeated this world's greatest evil and in doing so, have enriched the lives of the future generation, while also avenging the extinguished souls of the heroes past. Go forth, my children! I bless your souls! And in turn, may you spread my blessing on this wonderful world!"

In an instant, we were with the graceful goddess, Eris-sama, and then we were with the disgraceful goddess, Aqua.

I found myself being given a lap pillow by her, and her blue hair draped over me.

"Kazuma...I don't know if the Explosion destroyed a large chunk of your _thing_ or if it really is originally about that size, but...I just want to let you know that there are many other ways to please women, don't be discouraged…"

"Goddess change!"

"Hah?! Why you…!"

I looked at our estate...or what was left of it. The explosion completely destroyed our mansion and grounds as well as some of our neighbor's property. Furthermore, when I looked around, there seemed to be a multitude of people observing us, and the Axel police force was containing them in a perimeter.

I expected such a commotion, of course, as I doubted that casting an Explosion in the middle of a residential area would escape the public's attention.

"The police came here to arrest us, something about terrorist charges," Aqua explained. "They were about to haul me away but that prosecutor lady from before saw that armor over there."

Aqua pointed to the Devil King's crimson armor, which survived the full brunt of Megumin's Explosion.

The Devil King's personal armor must be quite famous and distinctive. If the armor hadn't survived the Explosion, Sena-san, or any rational person, really, wouldn't have even believed that we'd defeated the Devil King, or that the Devil King had even been romping around here, in Axel.

"Hmph. To think that there's anything that can withstand my newly upgraded Explosion. I must use the skill points I gained from defeating the Devil King to further increase my explosive power."

Did she intend on cultivating a power that could rival a nuclear weapon?!

Aqua had mentioned the prosecutor, Sena, the woman who had nearly given me yet another trip to the afterlife. I found her discussing something with an officer writing on a notepad. We made eye contact and she nodded dismissively to the officer and started heading towards us.

"Well, well, Kazuma Satou-san, we meet again. However, it seems that our meeting this time is not due to a criminal offense...well, at least, it isn't anymore."

Aqua did say something about 'terrorist charges'. The insinuation sent a chill up my spine.

"But to think that a party lead by the man many regard as 'Scum-zuma' and 'Kazu-trash', who was reported to be a constant public disturbance and an unprecedented sexual predator, would accomplish such a great deed…"

"I'll say this again, give me the names of those bastards who ceaselessly malign my good name!"

Sena turned to Darkness, who, as she was observing our interaction, had on a lewd smile, as if she were imagining herself in my shoes, being lectured by the domineering female prosecutor.

"Dustiness-sama, I am sorry to ask this of you, but there are certain...legalities that must be taken care of, and I am aware that this party is led by Satou-san, but seeing as you are of the Dustiness family…"

At the mention of noble related duties, Darkness's countenance quickly shifted to one of composure and professionalism.

"Very well. I will act as the representative of this party." She then looked at me, as if asking for permission, but it's not like I was the prideful and petty sort to be worrying about group hierarchy, and I was more than content to let Darkness take care of the aftermath.

Darkness followed a man who wore clothes similar to Sena's. They rode off on a carriage drawn by exceptionally groomed horses. They were equipped with saddles I vaguely recognized as belonging to this land's royalty.

Sena then turned her attention back to us, first to Megumin, then Aqua, then, lastly, to me.

She then gave a deep bow.

"I am sure that someone of a higher station will do so in the near future, but I still wish to commend and applaud your efforts, which have gone beyond the call of duty. The world's oldest and most powerful enemy has been neutralized thanks to your extraordinary bravery and unique talents."

She smiled stiffly, but with much sincerity, raised her head, turned on her heels, and resumed her business.

"Heh. You heard that, Kazuma? We're heroes! Yeah! I knew that coming along with you to this world would be a good idea!"

This delusional goddess spouted out the most absurd, and totally untrue, thing.

"Fufu. I had always been confident in my own abilities...but I suppose that none of this would have been possible if I hadn't joined this party. I realize that I should have done this long ago...but thank you, Kazuma, for accepting a somewhat troublesome mage like me."

Megumin struck one of her chuuni-poses, but her smile was one without any pretensions.

There was a good mood going on.

I could feel our bonds deepening.

Surely, after a victory like this, we had all reached the acme of our camaraderie...

"Oi, Kazuma! Is it true? Did you really kill the Devil King?!"

"I-I've always kind of thought you were cool, Scum-zu...I mean, Kazuma-sama! N-Now that I look at you, you're really kind of handsome!"

"Hey! It's me, it's me! We went to school together, remember?"

"Megumin! It's Yunyun! Are you and your party OK?! I heard that you encountered the Devil King but that can't be, right?! I'm trying to push past the crowd but I can't...oh, n-n-no, I'm sorry for stepping on your toes, sir. Eh? You'll forgive me if I go on a date with you?! I-I-I don't think I can...!"

I heard a familiar voice among the crowd desperately calling out 'Help me!', but I was too pissed off by the sudden shift in public opinion!

"Oi, you band wagoners, what do you figure me for, hah?! Do you think I forgive and forget that easily?! You think I have the retention abilities of a goldfish, or something?! None of you are getting a single Eris from me, no matter how much and how hard you kiss my ass, you losers! Go rot in this stupid city forever!"

"This guy! He already let the fame and fortune get to his head?!"

"You really are Scum-zuma!"

"Like we need your filthy money you bastard!"

"Megumin, there's a bunch of scary looking guys surrounding me! Help me!"

Megumin and Aqua was pulling me away from the crowd, which was growing increasingly enraged, and the police perimeter was struggling to contain them.

Sena-san, who had so elegantly pulled off the 'giving an inspirational speech to the heroes and then walking away without looking back' maneuver, was forced to awkwardly return and assist with the placating of the forming riot. She looked at me with a look of disappointment that was devoid of all the newfound respect she had shown me only seconds ago.

"So this is what comes before the fall, huh?"

"Don't rebuke him, Megumin. Kazuma here is merely living out the teachings of the Axis cult! Hubris over humility, pride before meekness! That is how one should live life in this world!"

"Satou-san, please refrain from instigating the crowd any further! Any more of this and we will have a riot in our hands!"

We had just defeated the Devil King.

Of course, with this party, every victory is short lived.

 **Part 5**

When Darkness returned, she came with news.

"It seems like we have an appointment with some very important people."

The ambiguity and her refusal to meet my eyes told of pivotal yet unspoken details.

"Who, what, when, and where?" I asked, urging Darkness to get on with it.

After all, if the matter was not all that impertinent, I already had my hands full, quite literally, with hors devours on one hand, and the most exquisite champagne money can buy on the other.

We were given our own rooms in the most sophisticated hotel in Axel, our temporary accommodations as we waited for our mansion's reconstruction, all paid for by the city. Although, if it were up to me, I'd rather have a permanent residence in this luxurious suite in exchange for the keys to that formerly haunted mansion of ours.

"As for the who, they are very important. For the what, it's about our victory over the Devil King, obviously. As for the when and where...two days from now and the event will beheldintheDustinessestate.

She attempted to bury the important details at the end but I heard it quite clearly.

"The Dustiness estate, huh? So I guess it's finally time for our royal visit."

I snapped my fingers. The butler, who, was not named Sebastian, much to my disappointment, prepared my velvet robe for me as I rose. "Would you like your pipe, sir?"

He held out an ivory box that held a pipe that I never used for its actual tobacco-related purpose, but more for aesthetic, feeling-like-a-badass reasons. These days, I was more concerned with the visual aspect of things rather than the practical. After all, a big shot like myself should mind the constantly watching public.

I placed the pipe in my mouth. "Did you tell Megumin and Aqua yet?" I had also mastered the art of speaking coherently with a pipe in my mouth.

"I asked them to come here but they're late..."

As Darkness said this, the door opened and Megumin and Aqua and their entourage of butlers and maids entered the room. I looked jealously at the butler by Megumin's side. It hardly seemed fair that she was the one to receive a butler named Sebastian.

Megumin and Darkness were wearing similar robes and they also sported similar pipes, though Aqua was using some kind of trick to make bubbles come out of hers.

They both clapped and their servants wordlessly exited the room. I gave my butler, not-Sebastian, a meaningful glance, and he bowed and followed after the exodus of uniforms.

"Megumin, Aqua," I greeted them, making sure to seem as aloft and indifferent as possible.

"Kazuma, Megumin," Aqua said, in much the same, snooty, way.

"Aqua, Kazuma." Megumin said, following suit, though, she almost dropped her pipe as she spoke. Clearly, she hadn't mastered the art of speaking coherently with a pipe in her mouth, what a poser! But Aqua and I didn't laugh at her blunder, as such a petty style of humor was reserved for the uncultured.

Darkness looked at us with some exasperation. "Ugh. I hardly recognize you three! Have you never heard the concept of integrity? Keeping to your roots? Does this ring any bells? You bunch of sell-outs!"

"Lady Dustiness, please don't raise your voice indoors," I said. "Now, about the royal visit...?"

"D-Don't call me 'Lady Dustiness'!"

Megumin and Aqua, for a moment, had a flash of emotion on their countenance.

"Oh? Is it already time for me to grace the royalty of this land with my divine presence?"

"Fufu. For a societal maverick like myself to associate with royalty...what are the odds..."

Darkness petulantly stomped her foot, but the lush and thick carpeting absorbed the impact and sound, making her even more frustrated.

"I was initially worried about your potential conduct towards the royal family, but with your newfound holier than thou attitudes, you might just fit right in!"

I twirled the pipe in my hands. "Oh, how droll of you, Lady Dustiness. We are practically royalty ourselves."

Darkness, unexpectedly, looked away from me. "Funny how you say that..."

"Hm? What's this? I sense trouble."

Darkness kept from making eye contact. I turned to Megumin, who was quite knowledgeable, though her application of said intellect leaves much to be desired.

"She's probably talking about that tradition, about how the hero who beats the Devil King will marry the current princess. It's how they keep the royal family strong, by integrating the blood of each era's strongest heroes into theirs."

"What is this?! This is totally awesome! Finally, this world got something right! The hero who saves the day always gets the princess!"

As I was celebrating, Megumin said something to Darkness and they started snickering.

"Oi, you two, stop giggling like schoolgirls and tell me what's so funny."

Megumin said, "Kazuma, don't you know that the princess of this country, Iris-sama, is twelve years old? I wonder what people will say when you get engaged to such jail bait."

Said the pot to the kettle! Megumin was barely _legal_ herself! And Megumin really shouldn't call the princess of this country with such disgraceful names like 'jailbait'.

"H-Hold on, it's not like I have to marry her, right? They wouldn't do something like force the hero of the country into an arranged marriage, right?"

I could feel an intense glare from behind me. I turned around and saw that Aqua was looking at me with smoldering contempt.

"Pedo-Neet."

 **...**

 **Chapter 1 End  
**

 **Next chapter: An Adoring Imouto-type Princess for this Brave Hero!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: An Adoring Imouto-Type Princess For This Brave Hero!  
**

 **Part 1**

With the royal visit in two days time, we still had plenty of time to burn. In that regard, not much changed since we defeated the Devil King.

In fact, had anything changed at all?

I clapped my hands. The bard who was playing the lute stopped strumming and turned to regard me.

"Yes, Satou-sama?"

"Uh, slow ballads are cool and all but can you play something livelier? Darkness will get mad at me if I sleep in the middle of the day again."

"As you command."

The bard began playing livelier riffs and sang an upbeat song full of praises for my heroic self.

"There once was a hero from a strange foreign land. His mind was quick, and so was his hand. With profound wisdom and keen insight...he vanquishes evil, makes them flee to the night…OH KAZUMA THE WISE, OH KAZUMA..."

The bard then went off on a complicated lute solo, the sound distorted with the mana powered amps and equipment I provided for him (on sale in Wiz's Magic Store now).

As I was enjoying the music, my butler, not-Sebastian, came by, and in his hands was a letter.

"This came in this morning, sir. I've been meaning to give it to you as soon as I received it, but you were still sleeping."

"I thought I told you not to comment on my abnormal sleeping patterns. My screwed up biorhythms are none of your concern, thank you very much."

"Very well, sir."

I used Detect Trap on the letter and detected no hints of sabotage or trap mechanisms, mechanic or magical. There was no returnee address or any indication of the sender's identity.

I eagerly opened it and caught the faint scent of floral perfume, and the handwriting was undoubtedly feminine.

"Could this be...the mythical love letter?! Has my popular period finally arrived?!"

I eagerly read the letter.

Dear Satou Kazuma-sama,

This isn't a love letter, you presumptuous fool.

You expected a love letter, but it's me, Megumin!

JK, JK.

Hang out with me this afternoon. I'm incredibly bored. I will lose my sanity if this impregnable boredom persists.

And you don't want a mage who's mastered the Explosion spell to lose her sanity.

-Your pal, Megumin

"Sebastian, please clear my schedule for the afternoon."

"Sir, you don't have a schedule to clear, unless you count the three o'clock snack session with Lady Aqua as part of your agenda? And stop calling me 'Sebastian' already."

"Sebastian, please have mercy on a NEET like me."

I dressed myself in the formal wear Darkness insisted we had tailored, not only in anticipation for the royal visit, but for daily wear, as well. We were VIP's now, she explained. We couldn't be seen in public wearing our shabby adventurer's gear. She also strictly forbade me from wearing my tracksuit anywhere outside the area of a private space.

As I went out, Megumin came out of her room at the same time.

"Oh, Kazuma, how rare. I'm not used to seeing your butt not glued to a couch."

"Well, I suddenly found a very good reason to go out."

"I'm sure the reason was quite compelling."

She was wearing fur boots, a blouse, skirt and thigh-high socks, a black shawl, and a necklace with a ruby that matched her eyes. She wasn't carrying her staff but she had a slim, basic wooden wand tucked inside one of her boots.

"I'm going shopping for gear. Want to come along?" she asked.

"What do you need gear for? We already killed the Devil King. The climax of this story is over and done with. We are now in the denouement stage, and everything that follows after is superfluous, slice-of-life filler."

Even if there was an uprising from the Devil King's subordinates, or one of the Devil King's offsprings were to rise in power and pursue us for revenge, in anime and manga, there's usually an interval of idleness and minor character development between the conclusion and the start of the new arc.

"Darkness thinks that it'd be appropriate to greet the royal family with formal attire, but I think that she's mistaken. They came here to see _adventurers_ not nobles. I'm sure that people in dresses and suits must be an eyesore for them now."

"You speak like you hate formal wear but you're totally parading around your new wardrobe, aren't you?"

"There's a feminine part of me that likes dolling up, too, you know."

I actually heard the words 'dolling up' from Megumin.

"Your awakened femininity aside, I guess it can't hurt to buy some extra gear. We have way too much time and money to spare, and while money is easy to burn, effectively killing time requires some creativity."

"You can say that again. I was counting the strands of fur on Chomusuke's tail yesterday, just to pass the time."

"You don't want to know what I've been doing to pass the time."

"Pervert."

 **Part 2**

We went to a magic shop that didn't have any unlucky Liches as its proprietor. Wiz was pleasant to have around, but her magic items were useless at best and detrimental, at their worst. Also, I didn't want to deal with Vanir, who most likely already concocted a plan to use our fame to propel his financial agenda.

"Welcome to the 'Magic Merchant'. What can I do for you?"

"Well, first thing you can do for me is to come up with a more creative name for this shop. Geez, what's up with the businesses in this town? 'Wiz's Magic Item Store'? 'Axel-branch Adventurer's Guild'? How insipid!"

Megumin, who prided herself with her unusual naming conventions, became sincerely affronted.

It was a good thing she wasn't aware of the 'Succubus Shop'.

"Look, are you going to buy something or not?"

It seemed that Megumin was about to go on a spiel about 'killing Devil Kings' and 'respect for the heroes of this land', like she usually had in recent days, but she deflated in the end, her shoulders slumping, and went on to check out the wares.

As I assumed she was looking for advanced, high-level mage gear, I let her do her own thing as I browsed the products meant for more casual practitioners of the arcane arts.

The shopkeeper proved to be the experienced and wily one, as he went to assist me, a complete magical item novice, instead of the knowledgeable Megumin. He approached me like a stereotypical salesman, rubbing his hands together, and said, "Sir, can I recommend some products for you?"

"Sure, but just so you know, I gained the 'Sense Motive' skill recently so I can tell if you're trying to rip me off."

"I-I would never consider doing such a thing, especially to someone of your caliber, sir."

Well, wasn't that interesting! I assumed that the NPC's...I mean, the merchants of this town, would disregard my accomplishments, or any changes in real-time current events, like they did in games, and treat me like they were programmed...I mean, like they always did.

"For you, sir, I recommend this robe."

He lead me to a row of wooden mannequins displaying robes of the same style, but different colors. The robes weren't too long, reaching to the thigh of the mannequins, and they came with a hood and gems that lined the collars. Very wizardly.

"These robes are made from mystic spider web-silk, so they absorb magical enhancements very effectively. While the robes are nothing special by themselves, if you can find an excellent magician to enchant them, this can be a very powerful item. I'm selling them for 50,000 Eris, by the way."

So I was required to enchant it myself. The concept of 'do-it-yourself' existed in popular furniture retailers back in Earth, too. I wouldn't have been interested in such a commonplace magical ware, but thinking about what a high level Lich like Wiz can do to enchant this robe had me considering all sorts of possibilities.

"Ah, it seems that you are interested. What color would you like them in, sir?"

After the robes, he led me to a rack filled with shoes. Some of the shoes were glowing, or displayed some other conspicuous magical effect, while some of them just looked like regular footwear.

"This is the new shipment of 'Boots of Speed'."

'Boots of Speed' was a common fixture in many RPG's. A very useful item, and powerful in the right hands...or, I suppose, feet. While I had the 'Expeditious Retreat' spell in my magical repertoire, it wouldn't hurt to have a convenient item that would drastically raise base movement speed. Plus, there were no restrictions in how many times one can stack speed bonuses.

"Here it is."

This guy said something like 'Boots of Speed' but they weren't even boots.

"U-Um, I know that they look kind of strange, but the magic item crafter who made this was from a foreign land, and he claimed that their footwear looked like this...um...aside from the aesthetics, you'll find that the utilities are…"

Yes, they weren't even boots.

In my old world, they would be called sneakers.

Furthermore, the sneaker's design was overly similar to that popular shoe company with a checkmark for its brand logo.

That's right, the 'Boots of Speed' were a pair of N*ke's!

To think that a Japanese cheater would go so far as to plagiarize one of the most recognizable brands back in Earth. How shameful! With Vanir, I took care to emulate the functionality of the item, but I never went so far as to directly rip-off the copy and design of an already established product!

Whoever this scumbag Japanese was, I resolved to give him a stern talking to about artistic integrity!

Nevertheless, I still purchased the products. I couldn't pass up on such a potentially powerful item, moral issues aside.

I met Megumin at the service counter. It seems she bought some Manatite crystals, low quality ones, compared to the uber-expensive stuff Wiz used to sell, spare robes, more basic wooden wands, and some enchanted looking jewelry.

"Does the jewelry have any enchantments?" I asked.

"This red one increases the destructive potential of spells."

"That's the one thing you don't need more of!"

I paid for the items, pulling out a wad of Eris that had the store owner and Megumin drooling.

After we left the store, we walked aimlessly around the streets while carrying our bags of new gear. I noticed that people were giving us more attention than they did before, an expected consequence. But there were some, our acquaintances mostly, who didn't seem affected by our sudden rise in prestige at all, and came over to fool around with us as per usual.

"Nothing really changed at all, did it?" Megumin remarked, as she waved 'good-by' to a mutual friend of ours.

"Funny, I was thinking that exact same thing this morning."

Since it was one o'clock, even though it was a bit late for lunch, Megumin and I stopped by at a cafe to eat.

As she was ordering dishes that traditionally contained sauces, I requested for the staff to bring Megumin a bib, lest she stain her fancy new clothes.

"I am indignant about your unsubtle insinuations, but I am oddly touched about the gesture."

"Yeah, yeah. There's marinara sauce on your cheek."

After eating, we engaged in our daily Explosion routine (the jewelry really _did_ increase destructive power) and then I carried Megumin home, but this time I had to deal with our recently purchased encumbrance as well.

When I arrived, I realized too late that I could have contacted not-Sebastian to come and assist with the extra luggage.

When I brought Megumin to her room, she told me to wait a moment as she rummaged through her bags. I waited by her doorstep.

"Here, just a little something for accompanying me today. I really was going to die of boredom, I'll have you know."

It was a necklace with an emerald.

"It's not emerald, by the way, if that's what you're thinking. It's just a glowing green rock."

"Is it enchanted or anything?"

"Not really? It's just a glowing green rock, like I said. But you can bluff the enemy and make them think it's something when it isn't."

Megumin said this proudly, as if she actually gave serious thought about this impulse purchase she was trying to push onto me.

"I can't tell if you're being nice or insulting," I said.

"Hey, I'm paying you a compliment. You're good at making something out of nothing."

I took out my own bags and retrieved a robe, one of the two I bought. It was Red and black themed and the fabric was designed to flutter more easily in the wind for that extra-heroic effect. I said, "Incidentally, I also got you something but I didn't think that you'd buy all of those spare robes. You nearly cleaned out all the apparel in the store. So, here. If you even want it."

Megumin took the robes and wore them. They were a bit too small for her, and the implication didn't slip past Megumin, but in order to preserve the 'moment', she didn't say anything. "Well, I sort of have a reason for getting you that gift, but what's your excuse?"

"It was a buy-one-get-one sort of deal."

"Yeah, I figured."

We heartily shared a fit of a laughter.

"Ohohoho!"

"Ehehehe!"

"..."

"..."

"Impulse shopper."

"Cheap bastard."

 **Part 3**

Darkness, letting herself into my room without any advance warning, plopped down beside me on the sofa with the weary mannerisms of a nine to five corporal slave just arriving home.

There were dark bags under her eyes and her black blouse and skirt was tousled and covered in sweat. If she didn't look precariously close to being defined in monster encyclopedias as an Undead subtype of some sort, I'd find the sight of her wet clothes arousing.

"Kazuma, Megumin tells me that you guys spent the afternoon together."

She suddenly made this provocative remark about my interactions with another woman.

This scenario would not be amiss in the domestic going-ons of a loveless marriage.

"Yeah, we did. What, are you jealous?"

"Quite frankly? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Receiving this stunning confession from Darkness, I looked away from the 'Skill Book' I was reading (they don't just go 'poof' into digital oblivion and you get a free skill, go figure) and turned to regard her.

"Finally, you look up from that stupid book and make actual eye contact with me. You know, my father always complains about how the new generation lacks basic courtesy, and I always figured they were just the ramblings of an outdated dinosaur, but I'm starting to empathize with his vaguely agist perspective!"

"Whatever. So you were jealous about my lovey-dovey date with Megumin? Continue."

"I-I'm not jealous of you dating! Date whomever, whenever you want, see if it bothers me! And it wasn't a date, anyways! Megumin assured me! What I'm jealous of is our comparative circumstances! You and Megumin and... Aqua, are either hanging out with each other or doing your own thing, while I'm spending ten hours of the day doing paperwork and engaging in the dregs of human activity that is diplomacy, a.k.a.: the contest to kiss as much ass in the span of a three hour conference as humanly possible! Oh, goddess Eris, I really hate the word 'conference' now! I'm tempted to use my position and power to eradicate that word from this nation's vernacular!"

"Well, Lady Dustiness, you are not doing the ass kissing but is the one getting your ass kissed, instead. Many men and women were born into much more terrible fates."

"Oh, don't get me started with your ambiguous sense of ethics! In fact, I don't want any remonstrations about ethics from you, of all people!"

After her non-stop ranting, Darkness became breathless. Her face took on a shade of green. She really did look like a zombie now. 'Darkness' was totally what you'd name a zombie, too. It could also serve perfectly as a stripper's stage alias.

"I've noticed for a while now, but you're being quite the self-righteous prick all of a sudden," I said.

"...Yeah, I realize that. Sorry. Ten hours of being around pretentious nobles, remember?"

Her torso slid down the sofa until the small of her back was pressed against the seat and her butt almost made contact with the floor. She turned to me with a sideway gaze.

"Hey..." she started to say.

There was a knock on the door. The impatient hammering indicated that it was Aqua on the other side.

"Hiyas! I came for food! Oh, and Megumin is here, too."

"Yo."

Aqua said, "Let's the four of us eat a meal together! It's been awhile."

To which Megumin responded, "Actually, make that five. I sense a wild Yunyun hiding nearby."

There was the sound of hurried footsteps.

"I-I wasn't hiding! I was just obscuring my presence behind those decorative plants over there!" Yunyun then started spitting. Megumin could be heard saying 'Yuck!' "Excuse me. Some synthetic spruce got in my mouth."

It was about time for dinner, anyways, so I let them in. I anticipated an event of this sort earlier, no one likes eating alone, after all, and had the staff prepare food for four plus people.

The entree that night was Devil Cow sirloin steak. The 'Devil' referred to the cow's natural red skin and black horns. There was nothing inherently demonic about the cow itself. In fact, their milk was richer in calcium than ordinary cows.

Miraculously, the one to start the customary dinner table exchange of small talk was the socially inept Yunyun.

"It's really quite surreal! Kazuma-san's party defeated a giant poison slime not too long ago, and now you've also defeated the Devil King!"

"I appreciate your efforts Yunyun," I said, "but I believe that it's still too soon for a summary of past events, however seamlessly you may have executed it."

Megumin stopped chowing down on her steak and stood from her seat, raising her chest valiantly.

I anticipated a show of arrogance headed our way. She had on that distinctive smug look that made her seem like an old man instead of a teenage girl.

"Fufufu. I have an important proclamation! The long standing competition between Yunyun and I has now been resolved due to the undisputed merit of my accomplishments! No amount of Giant Toads you can subjugate more than I am capable of...though I do commend you on your ability to effectively deal with those monstrosities...can ever best what I…"

"...That's what I came for, Megumin...I'm renouncing our rival-ship."

"...have accomplished…"

Oh, how awkward it was.

And it was made even more awkward by a certain moronic goddess. A stretch of silence followed and the only sound that could be heard was the tactless Aqua's munching. She eventually had the sense to slow her chewing when she registered the awkward atmosphere, but then continued to display her moronic tendencies when she took the liberty of sipping a big gulp of wine before finally shutting the hell up.

Megumin dabbed at her face covered with steak juice before speaking to the downcast Yunyun.

"Um...hooray? This is all I ever wanted?"

The look on Megumin's troubled face was like that of a disillusioned profiteer who eventually realizes that there's more to life than money.

It was the feeling of 'I attained all that I ever wanted, but at what cost?'.

What began as a nice dinner, a reunion with old friends, somehow morphed into a scene from some melodramatic soap opera.

"I lose. There's no denying it anymore. You've always been a genius... _the_ genius of the Crimson Demon clan, Megumin. I thought I could get closer to beating you if I learned Advanced Magic, but...in the end I just followed the crowd and did what everyone else was doing, while you forged your own path with Explosion Magic...and, and…"

Yunyun's eyes flickered between me and Megumin rapidly.

"You...You've also beaten me as a woman! Wah! It's not fair!"

Yunyun made to leave, but not before taking a few more bites of the delicacy that was Devil Cow, and sipping some wine while she was at it.

We all looked at Megumin, who was too stunned to respond.

In order to break the silence, I tried cracking a joke.

"Who wants to bet that the next time we see Yunyun, her hair will be cut shorter to visually symbolize her character development?"

And Aqua replied with, "Pssh. You amateur. That's already a given. I wager that Megumin will make up with Yunyun by saying cliche lines like 'Yes, let's stop being rivals...and start being proper friends!'"

Megumin stood and went to Yunyun's seat, and it seemed like Yunyun left her purse behind. Megumin, being the heartless type, rummaged through Yunyun's belongings and dug out a book called 'How to Make Friends Vol. 78'. There was a bookmark and Megumin flipped to the marked page, which led to a chapter that was entitled: Stratagem #35: Raise A Friend's Affection By Making Them Think that Your Current Relationship is in Danger."

Megumin tossed the book down on the table. She said, "So as you can see, my rival is that kind of idiot."

 **Part 4**

"How does this tux look?"

"Perfect, sir. If you are enrolling for Butler studies, might I recommend my alma mater?"

I glanced between my suit and not-Sebastian's. They were almost identical.

"This is the seventh suit I tried. How come I always look like a waiter, a bellhop, or a butler, no matter what style I wear?"

"You do have an aura of service, sir. It's like you were born to say the words 'How may I help you?'"

"Why did I get stuck with the individualistic and sassy butler?"

"I'm not normally like this with every employer, but with you I feel like I can say whatever I want and you won't have the spine to discipline or terminate my contract prematurely, sir."

My butler turned out to be quite the sadist.

It was time for the royal visit already, which was to be held at the Dustiness manor.

While Darkness had doubts about my potential conduct, she didn't think that I'd have any problems beyond making an inappropriate remark here and there, or breach some obscure protocol, which could be easily remedied with some well-timed prostrating, and left me alone to deal with the more 'explosive' elements of our group.

After all, Megumin had just recently announced that she'd provide some 'fireworks' in honor of our visiting majesties.

I didn't need to be clairvoyant to know that something was going to go terribly wrong throughout the course of this evening, and prepared some Scrolls of Teleportation beforehand, just in case some execution orders were to be distributed among the offending parties.

"Kazuma, are you ready?"

It was Darkness's voice calling from outside the room I was changing in.

"Not quite!" I responded.

"Well, hurry up! No one cares about what a man wears to these events, so stop being fussy!"

The blatant sexism did not elude me.

Not-Sebastian placed a hand on my shoulder

"What will it be, sir? Would you like the waiter's uniform? A bellhop's? Or perhaps...you. want. mine?"

This old man just did the 'newly-wed' roleplay.

The image of not-Sebastian in a naked apron briefly flashed through my mind.

"...I think I'll go with a cardigan," I said.

"Ah, so you will dress like a barista. Excellent choice."

I met up with the girls in the dining hall. Aqua was wearing a white dress and her hagoromo. Darkness, who I had trouble recognizing at first, which always happened whenever she ditched that armor of hers and wore something feminine, chose a sensuous red dress that gave her an air of a femme fatale, even though her diffident attitude and fidgeting scattered that illusion immediately.

"Looking good, guys," I said.

"...I can't help but notice that you glanced at Aqua and then proceeded to stare at Darkness with a lewd gaze, but you didn't even spare a second to look my way."

Megumin said this as I passed by her.

"Well, isn't someone being rather possessive? What, did our little outing earlier make you think that…"

My words were cut short when I actually looked at Megumin.

"..."

She smirked smugly. "What? Are you speechless?"

"...I can't believe what I'm seeing. You're...You're so…"

My heart was beating hard. I felt my face heating up.

"Oh? You're that enamored already? Well, I can't say that I blame you…"

"...YOU'RE SO GODDAMN RETARDED!"

As my rage increased, my heart rate and blood flow escalated.

When Megumin had that rant earlier about 'nobles wanting to see what adventurers are really like', I didn't take her seriously. But here she was now, during such an important meeting, wearing the robe I gifted her, her usual hat, and she had two wands strapped in her belt. Also, she brought Chomusuke and it was sitting on her shoulder and the cat had a piece of half-eaten fish hanging out of its mouth.

"...Excuse me, is there a problem here?"

And right after I yelled something so crude, a melodic, yet baritone voice echoed from the entranceway leading into the dining hall.

I turned around and saw a tall man, a very intimidating man with a warrior's build, dressed in a red robe, and his head was adorned with a bejeweled crown. Like all nobles, he had blonde hair, which was straight and long and went up to his chin and he had a well-groomed beard.

This was the King of Belzerg, King Joethanael Johnstarr Blazing Shield Belzerg, I was sure. And beside him, a handsome guy, not unlike Mitsurugi Kyouya, but even handsomer, was surely Prince Jatis Herald Wind Belzerg. He wore a robe, but his was silver, and while his hairstyle was similar to his father's, he did not have any facial hair, purely a pretty-boy type.

Standing behind the two most respected warriors of this land, was a little girl that I assumed to be Princess Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg. She had straight blonde hair and she didn't wear a robe like the men in the family. She wore a simple, yet elegant, sky-blue evening dress. Modest, unlike Darkness's slutty garments. Walking beside the princess were two women, likely her body guards, as one of them, a tomboy-ish woman wearing a white suit, was equipped with a sword, while the other, a class-rep type wearing mage robes, carried a staff.

Even though I resolved to be in my best behavior, even though it was Megumin who screwed-up, I was still the one to look bad in front of royalty.

Darkness rushed to defend me, but King Joethanael, bless his royal soul, raised his hand, smiled, and shook his head.

"Now, now, I'm not angry. I know how adventurers are. Quite frankly, being around nobles and their uptight conduct can get really tiring. The openness in the interactions of adventurers is a great relief."

He turned to Princess Iris and gave her a head pat.

"And I see that one of you has opted out of the formal wear for her adventuring gear. My daughter, Iris, is quite fond of adventurers. She often invites many successful adventuring parties to the castle and asks them to share their tales. Of course, throughout the course of the evening, I'd like to hear your stories, too. Your battles against the Devil King's army...and against the Devil King himself, has been the subject of much debate amongst my generals and scholars. How did they do it? And so forth."

Megumin gave me a gloating look and mouthed the words 'I told you so'.

Seeing the relaxed atmosphere, Aqua stepped forward and somehow manifested a pair of fans from out of nowhere. "Fufu. Now that we got the formalities out of the way, let's get this party started! The first item of the program is a wonderful performance from yours truly, the beautiful goddess of the Axis cult that is I, Aq...UWA!"

Darkness seemed to have class changed from crusader to a thief, as she sneaked behind Aqua and chopped her on the back of the head.

"Owiee! Darkness, what the heck was that..."

Another chop.

"...I'll shut up now..."

Darkness reappeared in front of the king and raised her arms in welcome.

"Well, now that we have all gathered, let us take our seats. Our food will arrive shortly."

"That is good to hear. And, say, young Lalatina, might I ask where your father is?"

Darkness looked away. "Unfortunately, my father has been called on a..." She cringed. "... _conference_ with Alderp-sama, the governor of Axel, about some issues with land disputes. I tried to tell him that your majesty's visit is far more important than some petty political affairs, but you know my father, he takes his job very seriously. In his place, please allow me to apologize for my father's absence!"

Darkness bowed deeply.

Darkness's overly formal conduct ruined the good mood that was cultivating.

"I-It's really not a big issue. Please raise your head."

The servants finally came in with the food and we took our seats. Darkness sat on the head of the table, reserved for the master of the Dustiness house, while the King sat opposite, on the other end of the table. The prince, princess, and their escorts sat on the left side while we sat parallel to them.

"On behalf of the Dustiness household, my comrades, and myself, Lalatina Dustiness Ford, I welcome the ruling family of Belzerg to the house of Dustiness, who shall forever remain your faithful shields. Now, please, enjoy the food we have prepared."

 **Part 5**

The food was plentiful, but, while there was a bit of small talk here and there, because of Darkness's policing, the conversations were sparse in comparison.

Aqua was chatting it up with the king. Darkness was facilitating her. Megumin was oblivious to everything outside of the food, as she and Chomusuke gorged themselves, and I was left on my own to entertain the prince and princess.

Princess Iris turned out to be a shy girl, and as I wasn't socially skilled enough to approach someone who really didn't want to talk, I instead approached Prince Jatis.

"Kazuma-sama, I heard many things about you. Most of them are from rumors, but I have some direct sources, too. Well, let's just say that we have a mutual friend."

After the usual exchanges of 'Nice to meet yous' and other such inevitable pleasantries, Prince Jatis made such a direct statement.

"A mutual friend? I wonder who it could be?" I replied.

All of my friends lived here, in Axel, and none of them were important enough to be friends with a big shot like Prince Jatis.

"Um, could it be that you don't know who I'm talking about? I am referring to Mitsurugi Kyouya-san."

I remembered that Mitsurugi recently rose up in the military ranks using that sword of his. It wouldn't be strange that a natural smooth talker like Mitsurugi would befriend Prince Jatis as they fought together in the front lines.

"I wouldn't really regard Mitsurugi a friend, though," I confessed.

"That is strange! He always speaks about you. And when we are discussing combat tactics during battle, he always says 'what will Kazuma do in this situation'. It seems to me that he has quite a bit of respect for you!"

Well, of course the one who got his ass handed to him by a severely lower leveled guy without a cheat weapon would be humbled to the extent of respect. Or perhaps I had misjudged Mitsurugi prematurely? There was a chance that I was letting my jealousy over his good looks and his harem-like party dilute my opinions.

To put it succinctly, hot guys _really_ got under my skin.

"Anyway, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I hope to have a spar with you. Just a friendly spar! I feel like I need to clarify because I'd hate for you to think that I'm trying to humiliate you in combat like some cliche antagonist from a novel. Um, do you get what I'm trying to say…?"

Prince Jatis blushed and looked at me with upturned eyes.

"..."

Even though there was a perfectly eligible Princess over there, who, I heard, was likely to be wedded to me when she came of age, I seemed to triggering all sorts of unwanted flags with this prince.

I tried to shift the conversation to the subject of Princess Iris.

"Um, I understand that your sister is shy...but, it sure would be nice to talk to her…"

When I said this, Prince Jatis's mood changed quickly. I noticed that the white-suit female bodyguard let her hand drift to the pommel of her sword.

"Oi. You're not trying to flirt with my cute little sister, are you?"

"..."

I really couldn't get a read on this guy's character.

Potentially gay love interest or overprotective sis-con, which one was he, really?

Though, I had that white-suited woman all figured out.

Surprisingly, it was Princess Iris who came to my defense. She beckoned to the honor-student-mage-girl, who drew closer, as Princess Iris whispered something.

"'Nii-sama, please stop embarrassing me in front of _the_ Kazuma-sama, you stupid meanie jerk. And I know that you and Claire were doing something weird with my bathwater again. Stop it, you pedophilic perverts.' That is what Princess Iris said," the mage-girl said.

How precious. The little princess's shyness was so potent that she relied on a medium to communicate.

She definitely had that 'little sister I must protect' aura about her, a quality that had already attracted two weirdos, apparently.

"N-Now Iris, please don't say such incriminating things. Father is giving me a weird look right now. Thankfully he is too entranced by the magic tricks of that blue-haired arch-priest, or I'd surely be hauled off to the nearest dungeon. And to tell the truth, it was all Claire's idea to harvest your bath water..."

The white-suited woman, who turned out to be Claire, blushed profusely, and looked like she was about to dole out physical punishment against the Prince, but restrained herself on account of a huge gap in respective societal standing.

The mage-girl leaned in to the princess to listen again. "'Enough with all of this nonsense. Kazuma-sama, if you don't mind, I'd love to hear about your adventurers. So please stop associating with this lewd onni-san of mine and tell me some stories, if you would' That is what Princess Iris said."

I didn't mind showing off to a such a cute ojou-sama, but the delayed communication was getting a bit troublesome.

"Um...please don't be offended, but is there anyway I can talk to the princess directly?"

Princess Iris made to call the mage-girl over, but she stopped, forced herself to face me, and then said,

"...I-I'm sorry if I've insulted you, Kazuma-sama. I don't deal with strangers very well. I...I hope you understand."

She blushed and looked up at me with upturned eyes.

Was that specific action of using upturned eyes to incur one's protective instincts a recurring trait among the Belzergs?

Even that prince, as muscly and undeniably male as he was, used the technique to great effect.

"Well, what would you like to hear about first?"

 **Part 6**

"Impressive...simply impressive! So that was how you defeated Mitsurugi-san! I can see now that even from an early point of your journey, you were destined to do great things!"

Prince Jatis exclaimed such exaggerated praises.

"From your defeat of the Dullahan, then the mobile fortress Destroyer...while your party is certainly powerful, with three of them possessing advanced classes, it is clear to me that it is your wisdom and leadership that unlocks the party's true combat potential."

The mage-girl, who introduced herself as Rain, said this as she looked at me with awe.

"We must apply your combat methods to the education of our new army recruits! If you don't mind, Kazuma-sama, is it fine to show us your adventurer's card? We might learn something from the way you constructed your build."

Claire said, as she clasped her hands excitedly and looked at me with stars in her eyes, forgetting about the animosity she displayed towards me earlier.

I leveled up drastically after defeating the Devil King, but I didn't feel like disappointing them with my varied, yet ostensibly unoptimized, repertoire of skills and spells.

"Maybe another time," I said. "An adventurer should never show his card to anyone he's just met."

I glanced at them to see their reactions while I dramatically paused to take a sip of wine. They fell for my phony act. They were all blushing...even that sexually ambiguous prince.

"'I realize that this may seem impudent of me, but I'd like to hear more of your stories, Kazuma-sama! I have never met a more intriguing adventurer like you!' This is what Princess Iris said," Claire said.

"Oh? It seems that my little Iris has already warmed up to her future fiancee. That's good news."

The King, who had seemed so enthralled with Aqua's antics just a bit ago, had seemingly been observing our interactions the entire time.

As expected of a King.

"Although we've been acquainted only for this short while, I feel like you are a man I can ultimately trust Kazuma-san. So for now, I will ignore all the rumors I've heard of your shortcomings, and I'm sure that your lecherous escapades have been largely fabricated, hmm?"

He looked at me with a sly, knowing smile.

"Um...yeah, about that," I said. "About the marriage, is all that really necessary?"

Silence pervaded the dining hall. Chomusuke sensed a brewing disaster and crawled underneath Megumin's cape.

"Hm? What are you saying, Kazuma-san?"

The king was giving me an unreadable look.

"Oi, what da hell you sayin' 'bout my cute lil sis, ya punk?! Oi, oi!"

This unstable prince went through yet another character change.

I heard Claire muttering 'kill, kill, kill' continuously as she slowly unsheathed her sword.

Megumin, whose face was still covered in gravy, stood from her seat, sending her silverware clattering on the ground. Some Dustiness maids rushed to collect and replace the silverware.

"I've been meaning to bring this up all evening but I was distracted by the food. My compliments to the chef. The venison was roasted perfectly. Anyways, as I was saying..."

She coughed and took a deep breath.

Uh-oh.

Abort. Abort. Abort, you fool.

I tried to communicate this with hand signals.

"You...you can't just force Kazuma to marry some random wench because of some archaic tradition! What, do you mean to tell me that this country is ruled by such close-minded barbarians?"

Random wench. Close-minded barbarians.

Such colorful and specific word-choice.

I would not be surprised if this sabotage was premeditated.

Beside the king, I saw Darkness praying with her Eris charm. Aqua was still smiling, thinking we were all playing some kind of game. You know what they say about ignorance.

"Excuse me, you majesty, can I speak with my comrades for a minute?" I asked.

The king, through gritted teeth, slowly nodded his head. "OK. But when you get back, we will have a _very_ serious discussion about what just occurred."

I gathered Darkness, Megumin, and Aqua to one corner of the hall.

"OK. With all we've done for this country, I doubt the king will order our executions, we're too valuable to this counrty, but he might commit a crime of passion right here and now if we don't give him time to cool his crown-adorned head. Luckily for your sorry asses, I anticipated such a royal screw-up, terrible pun not intended, and prepared some teleportation scrolls beforehand, which I've already set to activate once the word 'wench' left Megumin's mouth. We will be departing in 3...2..."

"Hey, Kazuma, what's that Princess What's-her-name doing here?" Aqua asked.

"...1..."

In a flash of blue light, we were sucked through space and time from point A to point B, with point B being the location I previously designated.

In a matter of seconds, we were transported to Wiz's Magic Item store (%30 off on all scrolls now!).

"Oh, Kazuma-san! I didn't think you'd use the item so quickly! So, how was it? I told you that it'd work fabulously, even if it is a bit pricey...wait, who is this beautiful young girl? She has blonde hair, so is that Darkness-san's sister, by any chance?"

Wiz peered closer to the princess I just abducted. Then she started to pale, paler than normal for a Lich, that is. "Wait, that face, isn't this the...Kazuma-san, I don't wish to be involved in this. Please don't make a poor store owner like me an accomplice to such a terrible crime..."

I turned to Darkness.

"Say, Darkness-san? What do you think the jail time is for abduction of a member of the royal family?"

She laughed shakily.

"Oh, poor, naive, Kazuma-san. There is no jail time for those who will be immediately executed before they even step foot in a jail cell."

"So that's why Vanir-san chose to skip town for awhile. He must have seen this coming. Well, I suppose it was a good life, even if I spent a lot of it well... _not_ alive."

"Kazuma, please allow me to justify my admittedly short-sighted actions. I said all of those things with your best interest in mind. After all, there is no greater joy in life than the consummation of two people who sincerely love one another..."

"Kazuma, Kazuma, what game is this? Why did we teleport? Are we playing magical hide-and-seek? Is the King 'it'? Oh, boy! I bet he's already tearing up the entire town looking for us! I call on dibs on the bathtub. Most hide-and-seekers universally agree that the bathtub is the optimal hiding spot."

For the first time since we inadvertently kidnapped her, Princess Iris spoke up.

"Well, for the meantime, would you care to tell me some more stories, Kazuma-sama? Personally, I'd like you to elaborate on the battle with that infamous Destroyer..."

There was no amount of overpriced Teleportation Scrolls that could get me out of this one.

 **End of Chapter 2**

 **Next Chapter: The Obligatory Tournament-Arc Commences in the Capital!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The Obligatory Tournament-Arc Commences in the Capital!**

 **Part 1**

"I apologize for the lack of space. Vanir-san's room is vacant, so I suggest having the Princess retire there. My bed is big enough for one more person, but I can't sleep with Aqua-san, or else I might perish by sunrise, and sleeping with Kazuma-san is out of of the question, for obvious reasons. The rest will have to sleep on the floor. Ah, but don't worry, those who have to sleep on the floor will be provided with bed sheets in the form of the magic blankets that didn't sell for some reason, even though they provide the great functionality of being able to hover two inches above ground."

So that was the situation. I didn't take into account the limited rooming accommodations of Wiz's store. If I had, I could've booked a room at a different hotel, or asked a friend for a last minute favor.

Then again, secrecy was our priority, and Wiz's stores were protected with privacy wards thanks to a certain distrustful devil.

In the meantime, it was a bit too early to retire for the night. With the lights dimmed, so as to deceive outsiders, we gathered in Wiz's room, forming a circle in front of a lit candle. We proceeded to, gently, interrogate the stow-away Princess.

"Why did you follow us, Princess Iris?" Megumin asked, her tone brimming with authority unfitting for a plebeian speaking to royalty.

Princess Iris was taken off-guard by Megumin's directness, but she was royalty, after all, despite some confidence issues, and faced Megumin's assertiveness with commendable dignity.

"I wasn't aware that Kazuma-sama would cast a teleport spell when I approached you all. I apologize for complicating matters with my inadvertent act, but I am, no matter how you look at it, the victim here."

"O-Oh. Yeah, I can see why you'd say that."

Not expecting to have the tables turned on her, Megumin faltered.

"As long as you understand," Princess Iris said, still maintaining her dignity and grace.

And suddenly our interrogation was concluded.

"So, what do we do now?"

Darkness brought up the subject we were delaying to address.

"My father is a rational man. If you all explain the situation, and if I testify for you, I'm sure that the punishment will be more-or-less alleviated."

It wasn't like we feared for our lives, considering what we had done for the country, but it was the 'more-or-less' part that worried me. Darkness and the others seemed to share my apprehension, as they all wore nervous expressions...except for Aqua, who had yet to comprehend the gravity of the situation.

"It's OK, it's OK. This country is indebted to the heroic efforts of the Axis-cult, of which I am the graceful goddess of. I'm sure he'll let us off with a stern, but harmless, reprimand."

Perhaps there was something to take away from Aqua's optimism, no matter how misguided and ignorant it was.

But when the hell did the Axis-cult do anything for this country?

I started to say, "Well, since we more-or-less got that settled…"

"We didn't even accomplish anything," Darkness said.

"...Since we more-or-less got that settled, Princess Iris here was really keen about hearing about our adventures. We have time to kill anyways...a recurring theme around here recently, I noticed...so why don't we entertain her, for now?"

We all took turns recounting our adventures, each of us providing our own perspectives.

Expectedly, some conflict about factual consistency arose.

"No, it was due to my resiliency against that masked Devil's possession, not your Explosion, that ultimately saved the day. Your Explosion magic didn't even kill that Devil. Even I survived without needing to be resurrected."

"Are you mocking my Explosion magic? Didn't I kill not only you, but the _Devil King_ just awhile ago? My power levels during the Vanir Arc cannot even compare to my present form!"

"Please! Your Explosion wouldn't have done any damage if Kazuma didn't use Steal on the Devil King's armor! Need I remind you that the armor survived the brunt of a point blank Explosion, suffering only some scratches on the surface?"

"And what was your contribution to that fight, running away with Aqua? At least my contributions to this party is much more tangible!"

There was a stilled tension. And then they engaged, fingers interlocking as the top of their craniums clashed.

"One trick-pony!"

"Meatbag!"

Megumin, immediately overpowered, was sent sprawling to the floor. Darkness loomed over her, back hunched and fists tightly clenched, and arms, turned downwards, circumflex...the resulting cumulated posture resembling something simian.

I almost expected her to start beating her chest.

But Darkness regained her senses. She glanced around, and eventually made eye-contact with Princess Iris.

"...I've known Lalatina nee-san since I was young. To think that the dignified nee-san from before would turn to...this…"

"Ugh! This shame, this feeling of regret, but mixed in is the usual surge of pleasure evoked by my fetish! I feel like two dramatically contrasting facets of my personality are tugging at my soul! But unexpectedly, this philosophical dilemma feels kind of good?! Hnnnngggg!"

Iris looked blankly at Darkness. For a kid to make such a jaded expression was sort of depressing, and very telling. She said,

"Why is my personal circle of family and friends occupied by unrelenting perverts?"

Megumin, still on the floor, looked at Darkness and then me.

"I can definitely relate," she said.

And on that note, we called it an early night.

 **Part 2**

The Princess was assigned to sleep with Wiz, even if Vanir's room was vacant. Darkness insisted that it was not proper for the Princess to sleep in a man's room, and it didn't help that this man was also a Devil. So I slept in Vanir's room while the others made do with the floor and the levitating magic blankets.

I couldn't catch a proper, continuous sleep in Vanir's room. There were many Vanir-like dolls decorating the room, and I could have sworn they'd all ominously laugh in the middle of the night, just as you were about to sleep. I was thoroughly frightened.

I left the room while praying to Eris-sama for divine protection. Even if there was a goddess sleeping in the next room, I felt much more comfortable relying on a goddess residing in another iteration of reality.

I went downstairs with the intention of resting my head on the sales counter.

"Tinder."

I let the diminutive flame hover over my finger as I navigated through the darkness.

"H-Hello? Is there anybody there?"

I shone the light to the voice.

Someone had already occupied my intended sleeping place. Princess Iris, wearing one of Wiz's spare nightgowns, which looked ridiculously oversized on the girl, had propped herself on a stool as she read one of the books on display.

"It's just me," I replied.

"Oh, Kazuma-sama. What brings you down here?"

"Can't sleep. You?"

She obscured half of her face with the book as her eyes shifted away from my direction.

"...I've been sleeping in the same quarters my whole life. I realize now that I can't manage to sleep in a bed that isn't the one I've grown accustomed to. I realize now how sheltered I've been until this point."

She was still pretty sheltered, even at this point, I thought.

"Kazuma-sama, can I make a confession?"

I gave her a thumbs-up.

"Go for it. But I must warn you, my strike zone is within two years, and as I am currently seventeen, I will only date girls as young as the fourteen to fifteen range…"

"Please don't be mistaken. It's not that kind of confession."

Naturally, I knew this. But teasing this easily flustered young lady was simply delectable.

"...This may seem kind of silly, but please don't laugh at me. Tonight, the short time I've spent with you, Lalatina nee-san, and everyone else, eating dinner with everyone, telling stories around the candle light, I think that...this may have been the best day of my life."

Coming from a young girl, this confession weighed heavily on my heart. Kids shouldn't have the capacity to reminisce yet. Only adults, who have long since shed their youth, had the right to say 'those were the best days of my life'.

"I must confess, this period of absolute freedom, doing things that don't necessarily have any consequence in the workings of this country, has been cathartic. To tell the truth, if I was a bit more willful, if I valued freedom over personal responsibility, I'd like to pursue this dream I've always had since I was young. More than anything, I'd love to be an adventurer, just like you, Kazuma-sama."

She gave me a closer look of the book she was reading. I directed the light of my flame to it. It was entitled 'The Chronicles of the Great Hero Satou: The First Devil King Slayer'.

"Oh? They made a book about me already?"

"No, Kazuma-sama. This book recounts the deeds of the Great Hero Satou, the original hero from long ago, who defeated the first Devil King."

That name 'Satou' was mentioned again. I figured this guy was some kind of big shot since the Devil King mentioned him, but I never figured that he'd be so historically significant.

"I want to be admired for slaying dragons, protecting civilians, vanquishing evil, based on my own merit and sacrifice and hardwork. I am admired by the people as their princess, but how did I achieve this admiration, by simply being born into prestige? When I think of people who achieve things by their own efforts, who start from nothing yet achieve everything, I think of Adventurers...I think of the great Satou-sama, the original hero...and I think of you…"

A chance manifestation of moonlight sneaking in from a transparent surface I couldn't locate, caught the Iris of that moment, her vulnerability and fragileness.

"Say, Iris, you know, I'm surrounded by all sorts of beauties."

"...Kazuma-sama, you officially ruined the moment."

With the dramatic tension ruined, the moonlight effect immediately dispersed.

"No, listen to me for a bit. I have pretty much encountered every archetype of female leads so far. The gentle, onee-san type, Wiz. The clumsy type, Yunyun. The energetic girl Chris. The main heroine, Eris-sama. Darkness is in charge of erotic scenes and Aqua is the sidekick character, and while Megumin is the closest thing I'm looking for, she belongs more in the 'loli' category."

"...I fail to see where Kazuma-sama is going with this."

Iris was slowly inching away from me.

"The point is, I'm still missing the essential little sister type."

I looked at her expectantly.

"Um, in terms of being a little sister, although I hate to admit this, but in terms of familial bonds, I can't deny that Jatis nii-san already has 'dibs' on me, in that regard."

"...I won't do creepy things like harvesting your bathwater."

"Well, that puts you over nii-san by a laaaarge margin. Can I call you nii-sama?"

I patted her head.

"I was hoping for 'onni-chan', though."

"Don't push your luck, nii-sama."

 **Part 3**

It had been a week since we kidnapped the Princess of Belzerg.

The local police conducted a city-wide inspection, and search teams briefly surveyed the Wiz Magic Item Shop, but we simply had Wiz cast an Invisibility spells on us to visually elude the search teams.

In the meantime, I spent some quality time with Iris. We spent the day playing games, mostly the unusual chess variant Megumin was skilled at, where I initially won a long string of games using my sneaky tactics, but Iris soon developed a mean streak of her own, and began winning games using equally nefarious means.

Some part of me feared the consequences of possibly tainting the princess of this country by teaching her my admittedly despicable strategic methods. But it was fun to have a 'disciple', and Iris was a fast learner, and surprisingly possessed an affinity for my personal brand of tactics.

One day, as Iris and I were getting along as usual...

"Iris, it's time for your bath~!"

"OK, nii-sama~!"

"Don't you mean 'onni-chan'~?"

"Give it a rest, nii-sama~!"

As I provided my cute little sister with a towel and some toiletries, I felt the collective glares of some females, who were undoubtedly jealous of my new relationship with an imouto-type character.

"Disgusting."

"Lolicon."

"Humbert Humbert."

"...Kazuma-san, please, I'm tired of lying to the police. How much longer is this going to go on?"

The third-wheels, who patiently tolerated my playing around with Iris for a whole week, for the sake of granting the pitiful princess's modest whims to play with her onni-chan for 'just a bit longer', reached their respective breaking points simultaneously.

In response, I said, in an exaggeratedly loud voice,

"Yeah, you're right! Even though Iris is having the time of her young life playing with me, it's time we return her to her life of drudgery as the Princess of Belzerg. Even though she's just twelve years old and her only wish is to spend some time with her onni-chan, I guess we have to put an end to it all now!"

From upstairs, we heard something drop, and then the muffled sound of sobbing.

"...Uuuu~ *sob*, *sob*, nii-sama…"

Darkness was immediately upon me and grabbed my collar. She hefted me up until I was elevated almost to the point of my head hitting the roof.

"Y-You monster! Playing with a girl's heart like that...even if you are making her happy, it's because of your manipulations in the first place, you…!"

"Create Earth, Wind Breath."

I produced a pile of dust in my hands and exhaled at it with a strong stream of wind. The effect was like a blast of pepper spray and Darkness had to release me to attend to her affliction.

"Argggh! Come back here, you rat!"

I easily side-stepped her attempts at capture.

I prepared Create Water on one hand and a new spell I learned from perusing the many spell books on Wiz's store, Shocking Grasp, on the other.

"Anyone else want to mess with me? I'm no longered the underleveled scrub from before whose strength stats were drastically lower than even the mage, Megumin. If you think you have a chance against me, then go ahead and try!"

"This guy is getting way too cocky! Even though I can just cast Explosion and wipe you out anytime! If only we weren't in an enclosed space, I'd…!"

"It's not my fault you chose to specialize in such obscenely destructive magic."

"Insult Explosion magic again and I'll show you obscene when I shove my staff up your…"

As I was busy engaging in a war of words with Megumin, Aqua seized the chance and penetrated my zone of magical defences, achieving a close proximity where I couldn't unleash my magic without hurting myself, too.

For an idiot, she was surprisingly instinctive in combat.

"God Blow!"

A powerful strike on my diaphragm.

"Oooofff! I-Is...that...all you…"

"Goddess Requiem!"

"Ugoooooh~!"

I made a strange sound upon receiving a holy-magic powered uppercut on the jaw.

"Ah, p-please, Aqua-sama, your excess aura is affecting my undead form! I'm turning ethereal! At least let me gain some distance before you...ugoooh~!"

Someone else also made a strange sound.

Even though I levelled a lot, Aqua was still OP.

I blacked out.

 **Part 4**

When I regained consciousness, I felt some sort of binding around my wrists.

When I opened my eyes, through my bleary vision, I saw the King, the Prince, Darkness, Iris, and her usual entourage.

We were in what appeared to be a lavish conference room. There were crystal laced draperies covering the windows. A long table, etched with inscriptions I recognized as elvish, stretched across the length of the room.

I was bound to a chair on one end of the table, the others were all at the other end, from afar, and they had varying looks of disgust, especially Darkness, all except for Iris, who looked at me with concern and pity and remorse.

Always ready to bluff, I said this.

"Oh, the memories I've lost over the past few days from being possessed by some kind of demonic spirit, have just started to return…"

"Don't you dare attempt to play the amnesia card! You are in so much trouble!"

And Darkness effortlessly called my bluff.

Darkness was the most furious I've seen her. But because it was Darkness, I couldn't take her seriously, and I unintentionally allowed my lips to curl into a mocking smile.

"Look at this guy, grinning so smugly even though he's at our mercy! Your majesty, please bring out the torture equipment!"

"...Lalatina, we don't have any such equipment."

"O-Oh, really?"

All the fire in Darkness's eyes was replaced by disappointment.

King Joethanael, from the other side, began walking towards me with slow, controlled steps. When he arrived, standing beside me, he raised a hand. I flinched away, thinking he'd inflict righteous fury on me.

"Father, no...!"

Iris called out to her father and attempted to move, but Claire restricted her movements...and quite enjoyed the physical contact while she was at it, too.

The king's calloused palm hovered above my head. I closed my eyes.

"Break Bindings."

The ropes around my wrists fell to the ground.

"The Hero of Belzerg should never be held in captivity. However, what you've done is a serious crime, Satou Kazuma. Not for 'kidnapping' my daughter, we all saw what happened, and we know it was an accident. But to think that you'd keep her hidden away for a whole week!"

I lowered my head in shame. I really screwed up.

Even if Iris was never in any danger, even if she was well secured in the company of high-level adventurers as well as a powerful former Arch-Wizard, even if she consented to stay with me, I still, technically, abducted an underaged girl from her legal guardians.

"...Raise your head, Satou Kazuma. It's not like you're that much older than my daughter, and I have chosen not to discipline her too severely. Even if we call you 'heroes', you're all just kids, in the end."

The King paused for some silent, but quick, deliberations.

"And as for the whole 'marriage' thing, I think I have a solution for that, too, a sort of loophole, but I'm not sure if you'll like it."

He glanced to Prince Jatis, who, when prompted, made his way to me.

"Here. Read this." Prince Jatis said, and handed me a document.

 _Section 34.5_

 _...In the event that the Princess, or Hero, is adamantly reluctant to marry one another (evaluate on your own discretion, if this complication can be attributed to a tsundere act from the Princess, or if there's a love/hate sort of scenario going on) then an alternative option may be taken._

 _There will be held a martial tournament open to all who wish to participate, and the undisputed victor will receive the Princess's hand in marriage. The Hero must participate, of course, and his duty to marry the Princess will be consequently revoked, provided that he fight with his full ability. The sincerity of the Hero's will to fight will be tested by a magical item. *see legal use of magic items for investigative purposes (Section 11, Article 129)._

 _Conversely, the Princess may nominate her own champion to fight in the tournament, and if this champion wins, complete authoritative power shall be given to the Princess in regards to marital matters._

 _I know, I know, totally cliche, I mean, a tournament-arc, really? But it's the best I could come up with. I mean, this job of creating laws is hard enough as it is and now…_

"You can skip the rest," Prince Jatis said, "It just goes on and on. Trust me."

"My liege. Is it really necessary to resolve these marital issues with, what is essentially, gladiatorial combat? I fail to see the correlation between the two," Darkness said.

Reluctant to fight in a needless battle, I was quick to agree.

"Lalatina, as a young noble you should learn this sooner than later. Almost every complication can be rectified with some good old gladiatorial combat. Soldiers tried to pull a coup d'etat on you? Force them into gladiatorial combat. The next kin to the throne tries to assassinate you to gain power? Give him some rags, a rusty blade, then its gladiatorial combat with his fellow conspirators. Find a good, empty arena, shove all your problems in it, and make them gut each other alive. Gladiatorial combat. It's that easy."

"And it's good for the economy, too," Prince Jatis confided to me.

The King then said.

"Of course, it's up to you and Iris's discretion if you want to make use of this 'alternative', Satou Kazuma. But if you ask me, by the looks of it, you and Iris get along splendidly, otherwise this whole fiasco would have never occurred, no? Speaking of which, I hope you two didn't engage in anything 'premarital' during that unsupervised week?"

A flux of killing intent poured out from the King.

"No, sir."

"No, father."

Iris and I quickly responded to the negative.

"Good. But, just to make sure, do you two really have no intention of marrying one another?"

Iris and I looked at each other and we both smiled.

"Father, how silly. Why would I ever want to marry someone who is like a brother to me?" She looked at Prince Jatis. "And of course, that goes double to someone who is actually my _real_ flesh and blood brother."

Prince Jatis let out a whimper.

"And as for you, Satou Kazuma?" The King said.

"Well, I wouldn't mind marrying Iris, to be honest," I said.

Six throats simultaneously choked on nothing but air.

"Just make up your mind already! Are you trolling us or what?!"

Darkness needed to be held back in the arms of Claire, and a Hold Person spell from Rain, and she still managed to make it halfway to me.

Iris blushed and looked at me longingly. "Nii-sama…"

I proceeded to explain myself. "I mean, come on, she's incredibly cute now, and I know she's going to grow up to be absolutely sexy in a few years. And out of every (mortal) girl I've met so far, she's the most rational and capable. So if I could marry a perfect girl like Iris, then yeah, why wouldn't I?"

"Then you mean to say…"

But…

"But if Iris wants to marry me someday, it'll be up to her, not because of some law, or because I happened to kill the Devil King. I fully believe that Iris has the capacity to achieve her desires through her own efforts."

"Nii-sama~!"

Iris gave me a tight embrace. I gently patted her head.

"No...unacceptable…"

Just when everything came to a heartwarming resolution, Prince Jatis muttered something ominous.

He said,

"Nothing in the laws say that a blood-related brother can't participate in the tournament! Hah! I bet no one anticipated that, huh?! I can't marry Iris-chan through normal legal means, but I will exploit this obscure loophole to accomplish the goal I've had ever since Iris-chan looked up at me with upturned eyes for the first time and said 'onni-chan'."

Iris, blushing, stopped embracing me and confronted her delusional brother.

"T-That happened when I was seven, didn't it?! Don't tell me you were lusting after a seven year old?! And I only called you 'onni-chan' because it was your birthday and that was what you wished for!"

From the other side of the room, Claire disengaged from her previous task of impeding Darkness and joined in on the escalating madness.

"I-I will also participate in the tournament!" And then she proudly said, "By the way, I aided the late Queen Belzerg in changing Princess Iris's diapers, so, in a way, outside of family, you could say I am, Princess Iris's 'first'?"

"First what?! I dare you to clarify!" said Iris, who just had her 'first' claimed.

Meanwhile, the King sighed and called for a servant.

"...Prepare the execution grounds. I found a couple of perverts amongst my ranks."

The situation quickly got out of hand.

And, somehow, I got roped into some kind of cliche tournament scenario.

 **Part 5**

With the tournament scheduled in a week's time, we were invited to stay at the royal castle.

It turns out that, during the three days I had been knocked out, they transported me to the capital.

Aqua didn't hold back at all.

We were in my room, sitting in a circle, playing cards.

"Oh! I have the Screeching Cuckadoo. I will trade this for Aqua-san's Corpulent Ground Dragon, then."

Iris, ever the quick learner, won all the rounds following her short-lived string of losses.

"I don't wanna play anymore! Only Darkness would enjoy the humiliation of losing consecutively to a kid!"

Aqua threw her cards on the discarded pile. Megumin, who was just as mentally immature as Aqua when it came to games, did the same.

"If Darkness was here and heard that from you, she'd either beat you up, or be overcome by pleasure from your insult," Megumin said.

Darkness was occupied with her duties. And she was still pissed about the stunt I pulled with Iris. Aside from mealtimes, where we all gathered at the King's table, I hadn't spoken to Darkness since I regained consciousness.

"And I'll take the Metal Winged Peacock from Megumin-san, and this Raging Bat from Aqua-san...and I win!"

Iris didn't take any cards from me the entire game. And in our previous games, Iris would find a way to win without directly competing with me.

She was already at such a high dere-dere stage, and I had raised her flag only recently.

"Say, nii-sama, not that I don't enjoy playing with you, but shouldn't you be preparing yourself for the tournament?" Iris asked.

I gathered the discarded cards into a manageable hill before shuffling them into a pile.

"I've already purchased some Skill and Spell Books from a famous bookstore here, in the capital."

"That is not enough! Nii-sama must prepare for the battle with intensive physical training, and we must hone your martial skills while we still can…"

I pressed a finger to Iris's lips. "Don't worry about me. My style of combat might be incomprehensible to you, but I assure you that what I really need right now is emotional preparation, more than anything. And besides, what can I do in a mere week? Worrying about this and that won't do any good. And I can always cram the night before if I really need to."

"Cramming?! This isn't some kind of exam, nii-sama, you could actually get killed out there!"

While I was averse to dying and feeling physical pain, as long as Aqua was around, I didn't need to fear permanent death.

"...As talented as you are with tactics and reflexive improvisation during combat, let me remind you that one vs. one battle is a whole different beast, entirely."

Out of nowhere, Megumin decided to taunt me.

"I-I know that."

"By the way, the bettings odds heavily favor you since you're the so-called hero. You're actually the favorite to win the whole thing, but since I know, first hand, how much you actually suck, I betted a lot of money against you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Megumin."

While I could admire her acumen for grasping an opportunity to make money once she saw one, I still couldn't help but take offense.

"Say, Kazuma, if you pray to me three times a day for the rest of this week, I might just buff you with enhancement spells before you need to fight!"

Aqua, another kind of opportunist, went ahead to shamelessly promote her religion.

Iris stood, and the sudden movement made the cards I piled collapse back into scattered heaps.

"I can't stop worrying about you, nii-sama! Please, I beg of you, do some actual training instead of loafing about for the entire week!"

She said that, but Iris was having the most fun 'loafing about'.

"Fine. I guess it can't hurt to exercise a bit, get the blood flowing. Do you have a training grounds somewhere?"

Iris smiled upon being counted on.

"I will do you one better, nii-sama! I will have some members of the military force spar with you! I'm sure they won't mind having this rare opportunity to face off with a legendary hero!"

I did not like the sound of that. But Iris was already starting to be heavily invested in this plan of hers.

"Hmph! With the way you've been neglecting me recently, don't expect me to heal you when a bunch of heavily armored knights demolish your ass!"

I tried to summon a retort, but I couldn't help but sense some truth in Aqua's words.

Well, whatever may happen, I resolved myself to uphold the standards Iris had set for me.

 **Part 6**

"Snipe!"

I disarmed a knight from his longsword. This was the tenth time I disarmed him this fight.

"Get back here, you coward! If you have any honor at all, you'll fight me man-to-man."

He reached to his back, pulled out a javelin, and threw it at me.

But with my new magical item, Boots of Speed, I neatly evaded the attack, and fired of more arrows.

"Volley! Snipe! Volley! Snipe! Volley! Snipe!"

Firing three arrows concurrently, I applied the always accurate, thanks to my high luck, Snipe skill, to make nine arrows strike through to their target. His armor now resembled a porcupine, as more than twenty arrows had been lodged on the metallic plating since I initiated my hit-and-run tactics.

Panting for breath, the knight yelled "Action Surge!", and a red aura emanated from his body.

Now faster, and revitalized he rushed to me.

"Expeditious Retreat."

Stacking the base speed of Boots of Speed with Expeditious Retreat, I made it across the entire length of the training grounds, which was about half of a soccer field, in less than five seconds.

With his back towards me, I used the Lurk skill to add even more bonuses to the flank effect.

"Sneak Attack!"

The arrow shot, which usually struck and dented only the surface of his heavy armor, actually penetrated and drew blood.

"Argggh!" He fell to one knee.

As I notched my bow for another shot, Detect Magic alerted me of a catalyzed magical phenomenon to my left.

I tumbled to the side as a Fire Ball sailed past my previous location and created a melted crater on the ground.

The mage I knocked unconscious earlier was supported in the arms of a Cleric whose long robes I had tapered to a rock with a rapid succession of Volleys. It was surprising how he managed to free himself.

"Giant Fire Ball..."

The mage started chanting an Advanced Magic spell.

I used up the last of my mana, leaving only a sliver, and used a spell of my own.

"Counterspell."

The chanting was interrupted, the accumulated mana scattering.

Having expended my mana, I retreated to one of the giant boulders surrounding the training grounds, made sure not to activate the traps I set there, and approached one of the mages I knocked out earlier and bound.

"Ah, there's one of my human mana-potions. Drain Touch."

I placed my hand on the mage's shoulder and sucked up his vitality and magical essence. My mana capacity was replenished.

By the way, I had three more 'human mana-potions' tied up in other boulders, all of them surrounded by traps. The traps themselves took out an archer and another warrior, when they attempted to retrieve their comrades.

I made sure the trap mechanisms were still up to par and headed back to the battle.

Peering behind the boulder, I used Snipe on the priest, who was in the middle of using a Mana Recovery spell on the Mage. But, the Knight seemed to have anticipated this and dashed up and used an armored arm to take the arrow strike. The mage had her mana restored. The three of them formed a triangle formation, with the Knight at the head and the casters at the back.

I had been saving this combo for the tournament, but I needed a way to end the battle fast, as I couldn't rely on my human mana pots forever, and this might have been my only chance to get them all at once, seeing how they clustered together.

With this rationalization, I emerged from the boulder. "Create Water!"

Using forty-percent of my mana reserves to augment the spell, I unleashed a fire-hose like torrent of water at them.

As they recovered from the shock of being doused in high-pressure water, I casted the spell that would finish them off.

"Shocking Grasp!"

I touched the trail of water on the ground and a violent current of electricity streamed to my clustered training buddies.

"Guh-haaaaah!" x3

After being electrocuted for a good while, they finally collapsed.

I raised a 'V' sign to my adoring audience.

"Well, ladies? Try not to fight over the great me. There's more than enough to go around."

"Nii-sama…"

"Scum-zuma, in his natural habitat."

"...Never mind. I don't want someone like you as my follower. You can go ahead and pray to Eris."

My onlookers expressed their disapproval of my methods.

Well, what did they expect from me?

"Nii-sama, do you actually think that such scummy methods will translate into a tournament setting?"

Considering that I easily dispatched many of the the top soldiers of this country's military, I confidently answered, "Why, yes, I do."

"Nii-sama, there is a vast difference between a well-trained soldier, and one with an advanced class who has reached the level fifty plateau and beyond. My nii-san, Prince Jatis, is like an elephant compared to the insects you faced today."

Upon being called an 'insect' by their charge, the mage I took down twitched in her semi-conscious state.

Prince Jatis's had the advanced class Rune Knight.

It was a cheat class that shared the defensive qualities of Crusader, and the offensive qualities of Blademaster, while also possessing Runic spellcasting capabilities.

"While Nii-sama is excellent at utility and providing support for his comrades, and your tactical mind is a dangerous weapon, indeed, I am afraid that the sheer fire power my Nii-sama possesses will be more than enough to compensate for your versatility and mental advantage."

While Iris bluntly gave me a reality check, Megumin chimed in to provide her input.

"I have an excellent idea, Kazuma."

"What is it?"

"In the capital, there is a shrine dedicated to the goddess of new beginnings, Meril-sama. If you pray to it, and donate a generous amount to the cult of Meril, you will be enshrouded in an aura that will let you forget all your skills and reset your skill-point count…"

I could see where Megumin was heading with this. While I had to sacrifice my versatility and unpredictability, my main weapons so far, I could reset my build and potentially learn Advanced Magic, or some other high-tier abilities that might let me match Prince Jatis's sheer combat potential.

"...So what I'm thinking is, you could reset your skill points and learn Explosion Magic."

"Denied."

I actually let myself become impressed by something Megumin said. Never again.

"Ooh, ooh! There's a shrine of me in Alcarentia. I wonder what happens when you pray to it?"

Considering those Axis-cult freaks, probably nothing good, I figured.

We chatted for a bit more, with the three girls taking turns criticizing me, and then once Aqua healed the soldiers, we went back to the castle.

 **...**

 **Chapter 3 END**

 **Next Chapter: A Mysterious Hero Dominates this One-Sided Tournament!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: A Mysterious Hero Dominates this One-Sided Tournament!**

 **Part 1**

When Iris wasn't watching over my training or going over countermeasures with me, we were enjoying the sort of everyday decadence she was not privy to as a sheltered Princess.

We snuck her junk food to eat, as well as those cheap paperback fantasy novels about heroes and adventurers that she enjoyed, but was forbidden by her instructors to read, thinking that anything outside of serious literature would pollute the young princess's mind.

As a result, Iris eased up around not only me, but the rest of the party, switching over to a looser style of speech.

Though, she still called me 'onni-sama'.

The other girls got along with her, too. Darkness had known her since she was a kid, as the Dustiness family had close ties with the Belzergs, so that was a given, but Aqua and Megumin, specifically Megumin, developed a surprising bond with Iris.

Megumin mentioned that she had a little sister. Maybe she was unexpectedly good with kids?

In fact, I no longer had a monopoly on Iris's time and attention. As the week went on, Iris began spending more time with the girls.

They grow up so quickly.

As for me, while I was never the type to focus on one thing, due to Iris's strict supervision, I found myself developing some discipline during the course of the week.

Outside of the mandatory training Iris ran me through, I took the initiative in formulating tactics and contingencies when I would normally be taking naps. I read books about war stratagems and historical accounts of ancient battles by my bedside, often dozing off as I was in the middle of reading.

The inverse occurred with the two of us. While Iris learned to loosen up, I learned to get my act together.

"Your degeneracy levels have seemingly diminished, Kazuma."

Megumin made this unnecessary comment about my improved conduct.

I was in the King's study, reading about a civil war with the Belzergs and another noble family that attempted to usurp the latter's rule, long ago, a clan largely forgotten by contemporary history, the Lightsworth.

"You're now at a level where I'd consider you 'human'. Before, you functioned like some kind of empty shell of a body who existed merely to partake in temporal pleasures. But now it seems like you have some purpose in life."

Her insults had a special kind of impact I couldn't exactly define.

She continued to say,

"Well, it's good to see you so productive, but instead of spending the whole day under a kotatsu, now you spend most of your time in the study. It's always the extreme with you, isn't it?"

In the rare times I wasn't bombarded with the usual distractions NEETs tend to succumb to, my disposition was such that I could spend an inordinate amount of time focused on productive activities, but this was rarely the case.

"If you came here just to mock me, you've accomplished your purpose. Kindly buzz off, please."

I dismissed my verbal aggressor as I resumed at the point where my reading was interrupted.

"...Sorry. I didn't come here just to pick a fight with you. Actually, I…"

There was a knock on the door.

"Onni-sama, can I come in?"

As I was about to reply…

"I'm sorry, Iris, but your onii-sama and nee-chan are discussing _adult_ matters right now, OK? And please don't make me explain what that may entail. It'll be embarrassing for all of us involved. Maybe when you're a bit _older_ nee-chan will teach you a couple of things, OK?"

Again, this fearless girl was talking down to someone of a vastly higher station than her.

"...But Megumin-san isn't all that much older than me."

Megumin's knees buckled. A critical hit.

"...Well, if onii-sama is busy then I will come back later."

Iris's footsteps were heavier than usual, making the usually stable wooden flooring creak.

Really, I can assure you, these two have gotten closer.

When Megumin turned to me, she saw my contended face.

"What are you grinning about?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just happy that my popular period has finally arrived."

"Uwa. So you're the delusional type, huh?"

I didn't want to hear that accusation from her.

"So, really, what did you come here for?"

Not wanting to be derailed again, I urged Megumin to state her business.

"I was just thinking about what we'd do after this stupid tournament is over. And, knowing you, I figured that it'd be prudent to finalize a plan now, as you'd likely procrastinate and spend your time idling about here in the castle, otherwise."

Now, why would she think that?

"It seems like you already made plans," I said.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I'd like for us to travel to my hometown, the village of the Crimson Demons."

Although I was always up for a trip to new places, just like anyone, my recent run in with the Alcarentia lunatics made me hesitant to agree right away.

"...Would you say that you're 'average' for a Crimson Demon? Like, does everyone in your clan behave like you?"

I couldn't find a gentler approach, so I attempted to ask her straight out.

"There's no need for your indirect line of questioning. You're implying that I'm somehow strange, right? Well, don't worry. During my schooling days, I was somewhat of an outcast, though not to the extent of that Yunyun. But let it be known that my ostracization was by choice and not by…"

I tuned out the rest.

So if Megumin was the exception and not the mean, then I didn't see any problems with this trip.

But…

"OK. I guess we can go. But don't get too excited. If I see anything wrong with the place, I'm leaving immediately, with or without you."

"Your apprehension towards my hometown is really quite rude, but I'm glad that we resolved this matter quickly. I guess I'll have to leave you alone now?"

She said that as if it was a question.

"Yeah, you can go."

"...OK."

When she left to close the door, I heard her say, "Oh, what are you doing here, Darkness?"

"...I have business to discuss with _him_."

Darkness was still putting on a tsundere act.

She hadn't forgiven me for my week long abduction of Iris.

Outside, she and Megumin exchanged goodnights, then she entered the room and softly closed the door behind her. She was wearing her night gown, which was skimpy and unusually seductive.

After all, despite being a responsible noble, she was still the lewdest girl I've encountered thus far.

"Kazuma."

She said, derisively.

"Hi. It's been awhile since we talked. What can I do for you?"

I decided to take the gentle approach.

In response, she wordlessly produced a strap of leather she had been hiding behind her back.

"Please punish me, master."

"I refuse."

Faced with this incredible request, I immediately deployed a refusal.

Even though she had regarded me with such animosity just seconds previous, she had the nerve to say such outrageous things. How shameless!

"Please, Kazuma! I've been so stressed out lately and I need an outlet! And, as a result of your week long disappearance act with the princess, you're the primary source for why I'm cascaded with heaps of bureaucratic burden; the onus to restore my depleted morale falls solely on you!"

Having expressed her grievances, she placed the leather piece on my lap.

"My willingness is not the problem. Since a girl went so far as to night raid me while appealing to my latent masculine desires for dominance, I have no reason to refuse. However, I am also a man learned in the workings of cliche. If I was to yield to your whims, the inevitable outcome would be for someone, likely another potential romantic lead, to inadvertently encounter me and you appearing to be engaged in a suspicious activity..."

If such cliche encounters could be avoided, let us do so with much diligence.

"No, I promise that no one will find out. Please! You can just whip my wrists a little, or even just my fingertips. Come on, just the tip, we'll only use the tip!"

I had told Iris that Darkness was in charge of the erotic scenes, but it was mostly said in jest.

But this Depraved-tina was going all out to claim the full position.

"...Fine. But I will dictate the conditions for your 'punishment'."

"Yes! This dog will do whatever you command, master! Do you want me to start off with licking your shoes?"

Whatever should I do with this tainted girl?

 **Part 2**

"Ahn! Ahhnnn! It's...piercing through me!"

We were in the training grounds, which was dark and unoccupied, and twenty or so feet away from me was a tied up Darkness.

There was a single Manatite powered lamp on, and near the bleachers of the grounds were a row of metallic containers some of the castle staff had moved there this morning.

"Don't stay in that one spot. I need you to move around, or I won't improve at all."

Iris's concern motivated me to put more effort into my combat training.

And so I snuck into the training grounds to train my Snipe skill on the more than willing human target, Darkness.

"I wasn't hoping for this sort of play, but it sort of feels like I'm being executed, tied up like this, and shot down like a worthless criminal by a row of archers…"

If her character continued to devolve in this manner, a future involving a medieval firing squad could indeed prove likely for Darkness.

I tried to break through Darkness's natural fortifications, but she proved too resilient for my arrows.

For my next experiment, I attempted to slice her with my partner with the weird name.

"Tee-hee! That tickles!"

The blade deflected off her armor.

"Create Water, Shocking Grasp."

"Stop that. It feels all tingly."

"Tinder, Wind Breath."

"Ooh! You're like a fire-breathing dragon! Still doesn't hurt, though."

Magic didn't work. Arrows and swords couldn't even penetrate her armor.

Prince Jatis wouldn't have as high of a defense stat as Darkness, but my potential magical and physical damage output were, nonetheless, inadequate in penetrating the defences of a high-levelled front line warrior.

Using Steal to extract the Prince's armor, as I had done with the Devil King, could have been a viable strategy, but Prince Jatis would likely be prepared for such a tactic.

After all, this time, with my name and even my method of fighting fairly known throughout the land, I didn't possess the element of surprise, which had always been my most prominent tactical advantage.

I felt a sense of futility.

"I don't think I can win against Prince Jatis," I said.

"Oh. You...You actually believed that you stood a chance? You're more optimistic that I pegged you for, Kazuma."

Her 'M' side took a step back for a moment to make wake for her 'S' side.

She continued.

"Anyway, it's not imperative that you win this tournament, to tell you the truth. Do you really believe that King Joethanael would allow a scandal so disgraceful like his son, the prince, marrying his daughter, the princess? He'll be discreet about it, but I'm certain that, even as we speak, there are several machinations in the background being...uh, machinated, to prevent such a scenario from happening."

A firm believer in the societal system like Darkness presented me with an all too realistic conspiracy of intra-political subterfuge.

"Well, whatever, I'm tired now. Let's go back."

I hydrated myself with a water bottle I purchased from a high class goods store. In this fantasy world, water bottles were a luxurious commodity. The material was made from a plastic like substance extracted from the Puri-Puri, which was a tubular shaped tree native to a foreign, tropical island-country.

"Yeah, we should go back. It wouldn't be too good if anyone saw me in this condition," Darkness said.

Tied up, skimpy nightwear transparent from sweat, hair let loose and sticking to her skin.

Also, at some point, I began to get sweaty as well and abandoned the thick tunic I had been wearing, leaving me topless.

And of course…

"Who's there! No one is supposed to be in the training grounds at this hour! Identify yourselves!"

...something like this had to happen.

Darkness was about to speak but I covered her mouth with a hand, and I used Lurk to temporarily conceal our presence.

"Don't make any unnecessary noise. It will be bad for the both of us if they catch us. For now, let's find somewhere to hide."

She nodded her approval.

I looked around for a place to hide.

My gaze landed on the row of metallic containers. One of them was open and I could see that it was vacant, and the dimensions could just accommodate our respective heights and combined width.

Leading Darkness, we hid inside this empty container.

At the time, this seemed like a good idea.

 **...**

Outside there was the sound of hoofbeats.

There was a bump on the road and our container was propelled upwards.

"You're usually so reliable and quick-witted. What happened tonight?"

"...I'm very sorry."

Inside this cramped container, we were being dragged along by a horse carriage with the other containers, being transferred to who knows where.

Once the guards left, before Darkness and I could follow suit, some people from a delivery service came and loaded the containers to a horse cart.

How was I supposed to know that our impromptu hiding places had places to be, so to speak.

Darkness and I were in the same condition as when we had been transferred, and she was still tied up in the bondage-like knot she begged me to tie her in earlier. And now our sweaty bodies were practically meshing together and our hot breaths would mix into a sultry heat cloud...

This situation was too erotic!

If we weren't heading to our respective dooms, I'd be thanking the goddess of fortune, Eris-sama, for her divine providence.

"Kazuma, for awhile now, I've felt something hard pressing against my thigh. I realize that this situation is difficult...and that there are certain features of your male anatomy that is impossible to regulate, but…"

"No madam. You must be mistaken. This protruding item here is merely my sword…"

"It doesn't matter if you use a euphemism. Call it your 'pee-pee' or 'willy' or 'sword' or whatever, just please try to shift it away from me."

She then proceeded to widen her thighs.

"Here, please insert your 'sword' between this open space..."

"Y-You really are the one in charge of erotic-scenes! Putting my 'sword' between your thighs is even more provocative than the current placement! And I'm telling the truth, this really _is_ my sword, the one with the weird name of 'Chunchunmaru'. Furthermore, if we were to continue with Megumin's bizarre sense of terminology, this sharp and hard thing here isn't my 'Excalibur'."

Even in the dark, I could see the fierce glow of her blushing cheeks.

"O-Ok, thanks for clarifying that, I guess."

"N-No, I shouldn't have raised my voice there."

In this awkward situation, one couldn't help but act overly polite.

From outside, we finally heard voices. This moving operation was executed with quiet professionalism and there was no idle chatter exchanged during the loading or transfer.

Well, hurray for working-class competency, but these sticks-in-the-muds weren't doing me any favors!

"We're here boss. Pull the horses over."

"OK. Good. Make sure to chain up the containers. We don't want thieves getting their hands on these statues when we leave them here."

"Got it."

The ride didn't even take ten minutes, which means we were still in the capital.

"Oi, Darkness! We need to run now! They are going to chain up our container if we don't...hm? I feel something damp on my leg?"

Come to think of it, Darkness's body had been tensing and convulsing recently.

"I'm sorry. I meant to tell you earlier. I felt confident in my ability to hold it in, but I suddenly got nervous and a little bit escaped..."

As we wasted valuable time on this subject, we heard the sound of a chain being wrapped around the container.

"They're all chained up, boss."

"Whoa, that was fast. You keep this up and maybe I'll be the one calling you 'boss'..."

"T-That means a lot to me, boss!"

We were so screwed.

"Kazuma, I let a bit out, but I still need to go really badly. Please find a clever solution like you always do in crucial situations."

Yes, I often displayed the ability to think outside of the box.

But we were literally in a box. A metal one. With chains tied around it.

I took out the water bottle I had unconsciously brought along as we retreated from the guards.

"Please go ahead and use this bottle."

"I refuse."

Her standards were too high. And now that I think about it, during our first night in the mansion, Megumin refused to 'relieve herself' in a wine bottle, as well. Even though, back in Japan, during important guild raids, I'd often use a bottle during toilet-based emergencies...

Nonetheless, during the long stretch of time we spent in that box, Darkness held it in.

It didn't feel like a long time, due to the tension, but somehow, the hours passed by with unperceived rapidity, and morning arrived.

We heard noises outside, a lot of noise.

"Oi, what's going on, Darkness? Is there some kind of big event today?"

The Darkness who had been praying to Eris-sama this entire time, stopped to answer me.

"Now that you mention it...today is the…"

She had the look of pained realization on her face.

"Those movers earlier mentioned 'statues', didn't they?"

"Oi, Darkness? Darkness?!"

We then heard a singular voice amongst the crowd outside.

"Thank you all for appearing this early in the morning! As you all know, today is the day we unveil the statues of our heroes, Kazuma-sama and his party! We will place the statues right here, at the center of the city, to rightfully honor our heroes. Now, without further ado, we will open the containers!"

One by one, we heard chains fall down.

"And here are our four heroes, immortalized in stone! Eh? There seems to be some extra boxes here, how peculiar...well, we'll open them anyway!"

What happened to my supposedly high luck stat?

Darkness was in tears now. She was going absolutely hysterical.

"Darkness, come on...don't cry, let's face this with some dignity…"

"But Kazuma, you're crying too…"

Indeed, I was.

Oh, goddesses in heaven! How could such a cruel thing happen to me?!

Eris-sama...!

I'd even resort to this…

Aqua-sama, please help me!

Those were my thoughts as the chains came undone.

"Kazuma...I can't hold it in..."

At this point, all my desperation and fears and all mortal restrictions had dissipated.

I had reached a kind of nirvana where material concerns held no meaning.

I gave Darkness a serene smile.

"It's fine. You've done very well enduring it so far. By the way, I left my actual sword back in the training grounds. This hard, twitching thing here is indeed my 'Excalibur'. Please forgive me."

Darkness returned my serene smile with one of her own. She had reached this nirvana as well.

"I see. So that's why you didn't even attempt to cut down the ropes. It's OK, I forgive you. But, you should see the doctor. I don't think your 'Excalibur' is supposed to be like that for more than four hours."

"Duly noted, my friend, duly noted."

And then, as the chains were released, Darkness released herself as well.

 **Part 3**

We were in the conference room again.

With me was Darkness, the King, and Iris.

"...For the sake of preventing the incitement of a riot, I can't allow you to participate in this tournament. Forgive me."

The King said this while avoiding my eyes.

"...Yes, sir."

The public backlash was astounding.

Darkness and I had been receiving multiple death threats since that incident.

Not like I could blame anyone. Many children woke up early in the morning to gaze at the statuettes of their heroes.

Only to see those heroes ostensibly engaging in some incredibly kinky play.

And then there was the 'waterworks'.

"That said, we can't just cancel the tournament. The rules state that Iris can find a champion to fight in her stead, but...the only one I can possibly see defeating my... _son…"_ He used that word like it was a curse. "...Jatis, is Satou Kazuma. I don't think that even Mitsurugi Kyouya, the famous cursed blade user, could stand a chance."

Poor Mitsurugi. He was already being used as the scale to measure the power-level difference of a new rival.

"I'm sorry, Iris," Darkness said. "Because of me, you…"

"No. It's OK. I've been relying too much on onni-sama, anyways. It's not fair to ask him to win my battles for me. Now that I think about it, asking him to fight that peerless Jatis nii-sama is equally absurd..."

So even my faithful little sister had her doubts about this whole thing.

What was that week of arduous training for, then?

The studying, the self-betterment...

All that character development had been for naught.

How disappointing! What a letdown!

I feel like complaining to someone!

"Well, I'm sure you have a lot to discuss. I will be going now."

This whole time, the King hadn't made direct eye-contact with me or Darkness.

As the King left, Iris made to leave as well.

But before she did, she said,

"Ahem. I also have matters to...take care of. Um...this might be a bit impudent of me to say, but please try not to use the conference room for anything _naughty_ …"

Darkness and I didn't even attempt to respond.

When Iris left, Darkness said,

"That was great. So exhilarating. I've never felt so good in my life. The extended torture of having to hold it in, having to be in close proximity with an aroused man, what a treat. Can we please do that again? I'm sure we can find a metal box somewhere."

This girl just never gives up.

…

The day of the tournament.

The arena that usually functioned as a gladiatorial coliseum for deathrow bound inmates was renovated for the event.

Specifically, there was a massive cleaning effort directed in cleansing the dried blood from the walls and flooring.

The hidden death traps were dismantled.

The blood seeking hell hounds were caged.

The electrocuting barrier separating the audience bleachers from the grounds was deactivated.

King Joethaneal was a good King, but he sure had a thing for gladiatorial combat.

But I digress.

I didn't hear anything from Iris, but the deadline for tournament participants to sign up had already passed.

If she failed to recruit a representative, she might have to marry her perverted brother.

Which was so wrong.

I was very worried.

I was sure that the King had plans and all, but I couldn't help worrying.

Really, this dilemma wouldn't be so complicated if it wasn't for the warped disposition of that Prince Jatis.

Speaking of Prince Jatis…

"King Joethanael, please disown that pervert sis-con son of yours! I refuse to serve under a pervert like that! Will you really let Princess Iris marry that deviant?!"

"Down with Satou! Down with Dustiness!"

These chants were heard throughout the arena.

The public animosity was split between the exhibitionists, Darkness and I, and the lolicon, sis-con Prince Jatis.

Normally the peasants wouldn't be so direct in their criticizing of nobles and other figures of importance, but now the democratically minded King Joethanael had returned to the capital from his constant involvement in the front-lines as the army's strongest warrior and most brilliant strategist.

Which means, the country would no longer be in the hands of more tyrannical nobles, who had been delegated the capacity of wartime politicking.

With free speech returned to the common masses, the scandals that would have been swept under the societal blanket previously, were now exposed to collective scrutiny.

And thus…

"Down with the Prince! Down with Dustiness! Down with Satou!"

"Execute them!"

"Actually, the exhibitionist display of Lady Dustiness and Satou-sama was kinda hot…"

...The crowd was like this.

Naturally, I was disturbed by this development.

Darkness didn't seem to mind, though.

"Kazuma, Aqua and I will watch over there."

Megumin said this as we were ushered into the VIP seats of the arena.

Even, Megumin, who valued camaraderie the most out of all of us, wanted nothing to do with the public's vitriol.

"OK. Tell me if you need money for snacks, or anything."

I decided not to blame Megumin for wanting to extricate herself from a scandal she had no involvement in.

But then she said,

"Thank you for your kindness, but I don't think it'd be wise to have people see you transacting money with an underaged girl like me."

"..."

Had the public's perception of me already reached such an irrevocable state?

"If you're offering money, I will gladly take it."

Aqua quickly snatched the Eris I had been offering to Megumin.

I was ready to unleash the usual insults on Aqua, but I felt that I wasn't in any situation to criticize her.

After all, I had just been involved in something incredibly foolish, even more so than anything that idiot Aqua had ever done, or probably would ever do.

As Aqua and Megumin took their seats, I occupied myself with reading the issue of Adventurer's Weekly they were handing out at the entrance of the arena.

I skimmed through the text until I found something of interest.

A list of the tournament participants in order of adventurer ranking.

1\. Satou Kazuma (Dropped-Out)

Offense: C+

Defense: C-

Magic Power: C+

Intangibles: A+

Total: B-

Notable Accomplishments: Defeated three Devil King generals, the mobile Destroyer, and the Devil King. Not considered as traditionally powerful, but wields an astounding variety of skills due to the unique features of the Adventurer class, and is indisputably the greatest strategist in this tournament.

Once considered the second coming of the original hero, the Great Hero Satou, and was easily the crowd favorite, Satou Kazuma-sama fell to disrepute once he got involved in a scandal with fellow party member and prominent noble, Dustiness Ford Lalatina (more about this juicy incident on page 35).

Satou Kazuma-sama has opted out of the tournament.

2.

Prince Jatis Herald Wind Belzerg

Offense: A

Defense: A

Magic Power: B

Intangibles: B

Total: B+

Notable Accomplishments: While his combat achievements are not as illustrious as Satou Kazuma-sama, which explains his number two ranking in this issue of Adventurer's Weekly, Prince Jatis has been fighting in the front lines from a young age, and has saved many of his fellow countrymen's lives through his bravery and heroics. However, similarly to Satou Kazuma-sama, Prince Jatis has recently been involved in a serious scandal.

In an interview, we asked Prince Jatis what his intentions were for participating in the tournament for his own sister's hand in marriage. He answered,

"I want to marry Iris-chan. I love little girls, and of course, I love little sisters. Wait, are you going to publish this?" (more about this juicy interview on Page 35).

Prince Jatis, ignoring common sense and the persistent advice of his personal circle, has not opted out of the tournament, even after receiving numerous death threats and a looming execution order from his own father, King Joethaneal. We expect that there will surely be a violent riot in the capital should Prince Jatis win the tournament.

3.

Sir Fredrick Erwing Nightingale

Offense: C

Defense: B-

Magic Power: D

Intangibles: B+

Total: C+

Notable Accomplishments: In his youth, Sir Fredrick fought in the front lines and had a reputation for his solid strategic mind and his mastery of traditional Belzergian sword and shield combat. After his retirement, Sir Nightingale has since been involved in an exclusive congregation of elderly nobles, Privileged Elders in a Distinguished Organization, otherwise known as P.E.D.O. It is unclear why Sir Fredrick joined this tournament, and he has declined our requests for an interview.

4.

'Alice'

Offense: A

Defense: C

Magic Power: A

Intangibles: ?

Total: B+

Notable Accomplishments: A mystery contender, we're not even sure if 'Alice' is her real name! In the evaluation, she scored astoundingly in offense and magic power, but we have yet to see her apply these assets in actual combat.

The lack of information we have on this 'Alice' character has lowered her down some in the rankings, but we expect that 'Alice' will be quite the offensive juggernaut in this tournament.

5.

Claire Eaglebaum

Offense: B-

Defense: C+

Magic Power: D

Intangibles: C+

Total: C

Notable Accomplishments: The heir of the Eaglebaum family, which equals the stature of the Dustiness family, Lady Eaglebaum is also the personal bodyguard and instructor of Princess Iris. While limited in opportunity by her duties to the royal family, Lady Eaglebaum is an occasional fighter in the frontlines.

As it is quite peculiar for Princess Iris's bodyguard to participate in this tournament, we asked Lady Eaglebaum for an interview, to which she formally declined. But she did have this to say:

"What, did you think I was going to slip up like that idiot Prince and spill everything? I'm not that loose-lipped! I've read Adventurer's Weekly before, so I know all about page 35, that's where you keep all the juicy gossip! You can't fool me you rotten journalists, you *ommitted*...now get out of my house before I *omitted*..." (Lady Eaglebaum: Loyal bodyguard, or Little Girl Lover? See Page 35 for the juicy gossip)

"..."

There were more participants listed, but I didn't feel like reading anymore.

I realize that I shouldn't be saying this about myself, but everyone involved in this tournament were massive perverts, one way or another.

Well, I didn't know anything about that 'Alice' character, but she/he/whatever was probably the most suspicious individual in this tournament!

Moreover, what was concerning was that comment about the city rioting if Prince Jatis won the tournament…

At least I had the good sense to call it quits! That perverted prince sure was resilient!

After having ran out of ways to distract myself, my attention was once again wrenched to the near riotous energy of the crowd.

"Lynch that Sadistic Satou!"

"Burn that Prince of Perverts in a stake!"

They had already come up with oddly fitting monikers.

But to think that I'd be consider the S in the S&M...

We were relatively safe in the VIP area, as there were layered barriers of Magic Repulsion and Protection from Arrows around us, but I wished they'd also made the booth soundproof.

The crowd's angry chanting was starting to intimidate me.

"The acoustics in this arena is amazing," Darkness said.

Of course she'd think that.

Although I wasn't exactly anxious for it to begin, from the entrance to the arena grounds, we saw King Joethaneal majestically walk in. Following a step behind was Iris, who was accompanied by Rain, and a green haired girl, equipped with a crossbow, who was probably Claire's replacement.

The King was equipped with his full armor, which lacked the usual pretensions of a noble's armaments, the jewelry and elegant inscriptions replaced with dents and old magic burns and severe looking lacerations.

They arrived at the center. Rain placed her hands over the King and chanted a spell.

Soon, the arena was filled with King Joethanael's voice.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for coming…"

I was the type who always spaced out during the Principal's opening remarks, back in Japan, and I couldn't help but do the same here in this world.

Instead, I looked to the nobles who were seated with me in the VIP booth.

There was an odd air of obedience about them. Well, such behaviour was expected. With all of these scandals left and right, they probably didn't want to risk anything while out under the scrutiny of the public eye.

In fact, I just noticed this, but everyone in this booth, including Megumin and Aqua, had been avoiding Darkness and I. We had a whole row of chairs to ourselves. A particularly panicky female noble let out an "EEK! I'm sorry!" when I made eye-contact with her.

What was it, had a I contracted some sort of disease that one could contract through visual exchange?

And I wished that the freak beside me, the M to my supposed S, would stop panting and huffing already.

With the introductions out of the way, the King left and Iris wordlessly followed. Then another man strode confidently to the center of the grounds, dressed in a ridiculous get-up reminiscent of a circus stage master, a conflicting image in the wake of the King's stifling eminency. This guy was also wearing a familiar looking mask…

...Wait a minute!

"Greetings to all! To the irresponsibly decadent nobles who are now beginning to regret thy orgastic period of corruption and selfish gain in the absence of the king, to the middle-class stragglers dwindling about in a state of subtly torturous existential purgatory, and to the unhygienic street urchins who bribed the guards for entrance with busk money and is now licking up the popcorn crumbs thy consumerist pigs are carelessly dropping on the floor, welcome to this elaborately staged event meant to distract thy from the inevitable societal, economical, and cultural decay left by the ill-timed subjugation of the Devil King, whose lifetime of tyranny has ironically been supporting this country's wealth, raw material production, and political stability! I am, of course, thy master of ceremonies...Vanir!"

There was a sort of moody silence that enveloped the arena.

Vanir said, "Fufu. Yes, let all that stew for awhile and feed moi with thy collective negative emotions!"

I was thinking it was about time for this guy to show up.

I leaned over to Darkness. "Is that guy supposed to be here?"

Darkness didn't get a chance to answer before a legion of guards equipped with pikes charged in an organized, stampeding assault towards Vanir.

But Vanir easily dodged and weaved with creative and fluid dexterity through their linear, pierce attacks.

The crowd, thinking this display was part of the event, offered rambunctious cheers.

They had already broken out of their temporary depression.

"Thank you! Thank you! The fabulous clothes I am wearing have the enchanted property of 'evading a bunch of untalented scrubs'. As long as your opponents are a bunch of untalented scrubs, you will surely be able to evade them! These are on sale at Wiz's Magic Item store now!"

Did Wiz know about this?

Soon enough, the King went over to exchange some words with Vanir. I used my recently aquired Lip Reading skill to intrude into their conversation.

"...Right now, moi is certain that the boy with the weakest class has learned yet another worthless skill and is eavesdropping on our conversation, so we will have to pick this up later, your excellency."

The King glanced to my general direction.

Crap! I forgot about that Devil's near omniscience!

"...Fine. I heard that you are mostly harmless. But I will be keeping my eye on you…"

"Yes, moi liege! Anything for moi liege! This humble devil only wishes to promote the defective products of a certain well-endowed Lich."

"...I think I know who you're talking about. Well, whatever, just get on with it. And cut down on the theatrics, would you?"

"Thy will be done!"

"...I'm going to need some wine."

When the King left, Vanir looked to my direction to and gave the 'OK' sign.

He then 'spoke' to me, as in, I lip read what he was saying from the 1 km of distance between us.

"Moi has taken great pleasure in the meal of negative emotions thy has emitted during that 'incident'. By the way, hath thou enjoyed my performance as 'boss'?"

No, it couldn't be…

" _OK. Good. Make sure to chain up the containers. We don't want thieves getting their hands on these statues when we leave them here."_

Seriously?! One of the movers, that 'boss' character, was this devil the entire time?!

"Id~iot. As if moi would waste valuable time to be involved with thy life to such an extent! For the supposed hero, thy sure is gullible! Kekeke!"

This guy...!

Turning away from my direction, Vanir raised his arms wide.

"Now, without further ado...let the tournament begin!"

 **Part 5**

"Runic Burst!"

Prince Jatis struck his swords to the ground and the runes etched onto his armor glowed blue and a burst of energy violently emanated from him.

His opponent was sent flying onto the arena walls, the impact creating spidered cracks. He slid to the ground, unconscious.

That could have been me.

"The lolicon, sis-con bastard takes this victory!"

Vanir announced, as he raised Prince Jatis's arm up in the air.

"Boooo~!"

"Get your hands away from Princess Iris!"

"Lock this predator up in jail!"

In this case, the public's hostility was very much warranted.

The very first match had set the tone for the entire tournament.

Prince Jatis sheathed his dual blades and returned to the participant waiting area. He didn't seem at all perturbed by the crowd's hostility. For some reason, he had the air of a martyr about him.

He really shouldn't be acting like the victim here.

"Well! Even if he is a sis-con pervert, Prince Jatis is indeed the favorite to win this tournament! Now, can somebody please collect that man's unconscious body over there…"

A recovery team carrying a stretcher transported the limp body from the grounds.

"Now, then, coming up next is a battle between Claire Eaglebaum, and the mysterious contender...Alice!"

Claire confidently strode to the center of the ring. She wore a white overcoat and buckled to her waist was her usual long sword. The audience greeted her entrance with some polite applause and cheers.

Less dramatically, 'Alice' emerged from an opposing entrance. Obscured under a tan colored hooded cloak, she was equipped with multiple weapons. A long sword, hanging from her left hip, a quiver of arrows and a shortbow by her right hip, and attached to an arm was a small leather shield buckle. From her gear, I couldn't quite ascertain which class she belonged to.

"Well, then, no hair-pulling, no biting, no scratching. Fight!"

After spouting blatantly sexist remarks, Vanir retreated from the clash.

And apparently, Alice decided to retreat, as well.

"...Huh? What are you doing? Get back here!"

Claire chased after Alice's sprinting cloaked figure.

But when it seemed as if Alice would continue retreating, she turned around, pulled out her short bow, and quickly let an arrow fly.

"Snipe!"

The arrow, while not as accurate as my Snipe, did its job in distracting the pursuing Claire.

"Argh!"

A cut emerged on Claire's right shoulder, where the arrow had glanced her.

Not giving her opponent a chance for reprieve, Alice closed in and extended a hand to Claire.

"Fog Cloud!"

A dirty, voluminous cloud suddenly manifested around Claire.

"W-What is this!"

First it was an Archer skill, then it was followed by an Intermediate-class Wizard spell.

"Kazuma, could this be someone with the useless Adventurer class?!"

Darkness said, becoming enthralled in the fight.

The nobles around me were similarly intrigued.

I looked through the magazine and checked 'Alice's' evaluation once more.

She scored an 'A' in both offense and magic power.

To think that someone with such elite natural abilities would willingly take up the weakest job.

"What an enigmatic fellow," I remarked.

"The king of enigmas just said something amazing," Darkness said.

When I returned my attention to the fight, Claire had emerged from the cloud with three arrows piercing her body. Without armor, the advantage of fighting with light encumbrance diminishes with limited mobility.

And without vision, mobility becomes a fool's gambit.

But it would just be as foolish to stay in one spot, even with impaired vision.

But Claire, with her combat experience limited to emergency front-line skirmishes and encyclopedic study, failed to understand this.

'Alice' casted Fog Cloud once more, and Claire stayed unmoving, taking her chances with countering a direct attack. But Alice had so far proven to be the opposite of a direct fighter.

"Wind Blade!"

'Alice' drew her sword, made consecutive slashes on the air, and from the invisible stroke work, crescents of condensed wind pressure was forged from the arena's still air.

They rapidly honed onto the fog and disappeared into it.

The Wind Blades displaced the fog and Claire was revealed lying sprawled on the ground, still conscious, but obviously unfit for battle.

"Victory goes to this suspicious little midget here!" Vanir announced.

'Alice' didn't revel in the audience's cheers. She went to Claire, exchanged some words with her, nobly shook hands with the loser, and watched as the medics carried Claire away on a stretcher.

"She's good. Fights exactly like you, but somehow, she's better?"

Darkness said this in a teasing manner.

I couldn't exactly refute. While I earned one Skill Point every time I levelled-up, most people earned double or even triple SP yields.

"Yeah. She was blasting out Intermediate-level spells like they were nothing."

"I meant that she actually has some grace in combat. She chivalrously shook hands with her opponent, while you would have disgraced them."

Again, I couldn't exactly refute her words.

After the exciting first match-ups followed a series of battles between non-combatants.

After all, this was a tournament to determine who would take the Princess's hand in marriage.

As such, the participants were mostly young nobles seeking to gain immediate and certain political power by marrying the Princess of Belzerg.

There was one noble, however, an older one, who proved to be quite the combatant.

"To think that we would witness Sir Nightingale in combat once more. While his intentions in participating eludes me, I appreciate the rare privilege we've been blessed with today."

"Yes, though I can't exactly imagine the reason for him joining this tournament, I find it inspiring that one of our country's most valorous and decorated warriors have retained his battle instincts even at such an old age."

Some nobles behind us were speaking sincerely about this Nightingale fellow.

I didn't sense even a hint of sarcasm in their voices.

Really, this Nightingale ojii-san was part of an organization called P.E.D.O.

The suspicious acronym could have been a mistake, possibly, but this something called the 'Privileged Elders in a Distinguished Organization' was already highly suspicious.

Nonetheless, this Nightingale fellow was, as reported, an experienced warrior. Even if he was up against a bunch of non-combatants, they were non-combatants in their physical primes. They were faster, stronger, and more athletic than the aged former warrior.

But still, he dealt with them handedly. Using a classic sword and shield style, as well as some deceptively lithe dodging and parrying work, this old man easily dispatched his opponents.

Even more impressive than the old man, though, was the mysterious 'Alice'.

Out of everyone in the tournament, she had the most varied and fluid fighting style, dispatching her opponents in multiple ways with skills ranging from archery, swordsmanship, magic, and she had even used some healing magic.

She was certainly the fan favorite, which wasn't really all too great of a feat, as every other fighter were either deplorable perverts, or had some kind of hidden agenda.

Well, for all we knew, this 'Alice' person could be some kind of sinister villain, though, by the honorable way she conducted herself in combat, that was quite the unreasonable presumption.

 **Part 6**

Once the rest of the miscellaneous fodder were dealt with, it was finally time for the final four.

The matches were between Alice and Nightingale and Prince Jatis versus some young, noble swordsman who got lucky with his matchups thus far.

At the time of the intermission, Darkness said something worrying to me.

"Kazuma, I need to go to the bathroom."

I had an ominous feeling of Deja Vu.

"...Thank you for telling me. But our relationship is not so intimate that you need to relay such personal information."

"No, I'm telling you that I need to go, but I know that if I were to mix in with the crowd and queue up to the bathrooms, I would surely be enveloped in the middle of a riot."

She seemed to enjoy the prospect of being lynched by a mob, but she also knew the terrible ramifications of such a thing occurring.

"Fine. Let's talk to Aqua."

"Eh? How could Aqua help us with this predicament?"

Well, despite everything, Aqua was the goddess of water after all.

Water as in fluids.

At least, this was my desperate reasoning.

We approached Aqua who was munching on some roasted peanuts she, I was certain, had purchased with my money.

"Hey guys. Good tournament so far, huh? Would you care for a snack?"

She offered the peanuts to us.

Beside Aqua, once Megumin saw Darkness and I approaching, she frantically wiped the peanut crumbs from her face and clothes.

"Actually, Aqua-san, we have a bit of a situation here."

I drew closer to Aqua and whispered to her…

"Oh, I see. Well, you came to the right person. You see, I have the power to not only control and even manifest water, I can also evaporate it, so to speak."

I see! How convenient!

So that was how she cleans up spills so quickly, or how our laundry dries after having been left out in the sun for a mere ten minutes.

"What we need to do is have Darkness 'relieve' herself right here, and as long as I am maintaining some physical contact with her, I can dry up the 'fluids' even after she is 'releasing' them."

What a convenient power!

I was actually a bit impressed by Aqua, who uncharacteristically displayed some practical use, for once.

"N-No way! I can't do something that embarrassing!"

Darkness said, as she blushed and fidgeted with the hem of her skirt.

I said, "Oi. Remember our time in the metal box? Remember the water bottle? It wouldn't have been so bad if only you used the water bottle. Right now, Aqua is offering to be your water bottle. Are you saying that you'll refuse her?"

"That's right! I'll be your water bottle, whatever that means."

Aqua offered her hand to Darkness, who eventually accepted it.

"OK. But I'm only doing this because I trust you, Aqua."

Darkness smiled fondly at Aqua.

In this display of trust, even I couldn't help but be taken in by the intimate atmosphere. Megumin and I exchanged pleasant smiles.

It was good to have friends.

"Don't worry, Darkness, your trust is not unfounded! Even though this is the first time I'm doing this to a live human being, you may rest assured that I'm going to do my best!"

"Eh?"

Darkness visibly attempted to stop the release.

But the floodgates had already opened.

And it all poured out.

The release was so violent that I swear it made a 'woosh' sound.

Her dark stockings became even darker.

The clear fluid pooled around our feet.

It just wouldn't stop.

And so, for the second time that week, Darkness had relieved herself in public.

Our neighboring nobles were quick to notice.

"Eek! Dustiness-sama is at it again!"

"There's a lot! There's a lot dripping out! Why is there so much?!"

"...That's kinda hot."

I retract my previous statement.

Friendship is overrated.

…

 **Chapter 4 END**

 **Next Chapter: A Startling Revelation for this Sis-con Prince!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: A Startling Revelation for this Sis-con Prince!**

 **Part 1**

To be fair to Darkness, prior to the scandals and the consecutive incidents of accidental 'leakage', in recent days, she had demonstrated the finer points of her character.

Indeed, her responsible and dutiful side as Dustiness Ford Lalatina had created a permanent impression within my memory.

In fact, she had lasted at least three days before she propositioned me for some 'punishment'.

So, all I can say in light of this recent return to her lewd form is…

...Darkness, Lalatina, at least she tried.

"Uuu~uwaaah~uuuuuwaaaaah~"

No, this wasn't Aqua crying.

"Darkness, while your reputation is already quite irredeemably doomed, you should at least face your impending social implosion with some dignity."

Megumin made round massaging motions on Darkness's back.

"I'm really, really, really sorry, Darkness. In hindsight, that was pretty stupid of me."

For once, Aqua made a self-aware observation.

While they dealt with Darkness, I dealt with the witnesses, the gawking nobles.

"Listen, you lot, I know that you all have your secrets and skeletons in the closet...I'm looking at you, Sir Longborn. Thus, for the sake of mutual non-disclosure, lets keep this whole unfortunate incident between ourselves, sound good?"

I regarded the previously panicking nobles with a tone of voice I hoped could be recepted as authoritative but not unkind.

"I-If it's that Satou-sama who is known to use all sorts of despicable means possible to accomplish his goals, it would be foolish to consider this threat a bluff."

"With all his resourcefulness and connections, we shouldn't risk it."

"We might as well get on his good side, and it would be prudent to gain Lady Dustiness's favor as well."

Despite any situation, nobility had the distinctive trait of finding a way to get ahead in the societal arms race.

For now, the public scrutiny looming over Darkness and I would not be exacerbated. Scandals had a short shelf life, especially so in the densely populated capital. The whole matter, if kept stabilized, would soon be forgotten.

These were my hopes.

"Well, there you have it, Darkness. Any further damage to your already tattered reputation has at least been avoided, all thanks to my brilliant maneuvering…"

I could not continue my spiel of self-praise as Darkness made a lunging, tackling embrace at me.

"You're always looking out for us, aren't you, Kazuma?"

She released me and smiled.

"Fufu. Even though he acts like he doesn't care, Kazuma truly cherishes his comrades."

Megumin gently punched me on the shoulder.

"I hate to admit this, but Kazuma is exceptional at cleaning up our messes. Well, a goddess such as I could hardly be bothered to worry about the small details. Therefore, I value Kazuma's role in taking care of the miscellaneous tasks."

As usual, Aqua just had to ruin the moment.

In truth, I was mostly covering my own ass rather than whatever illusion they had about my efforts in saving Darkness. After all, my reputation had somehow linked with hers during this entire debacle.

But I had enough tact to keep such details to myself.

"Yes, this Satou Kazuma-sama is one who cherishes his comrades very much."

Megumin, ever the perceptive one, looked at me suspiciously.

"...Uwa, somehow I felt his insincerity just from that one line."

I took some roasted peanuts from Aqua's neglected bag and shoved them down Megumin's mouth.

"Now, now, growing children need to eat. Peanuts are high in protein, so eat up."

I hastily made my retreat.

Back in my seat, as I ignored the glares from Megumin, Darkness returned with a new pair of jogging pants.

"One of the nobles had his servant buy this for me from the arena gift store."

They were already sucking up to us.

"They even bought us some snacks."

She handed me a greasy paper bag of pretzels. I noticed that she also had a couple glasses of iced Neroid.

"...You never learn, do you?"

"W-With my body as powerful and as durable as it is, it needs constant nourishment and liquid intake in order to maintain optimal performance. In fact, the most physically gifted Crusaders have been known to have similar bladder issues…"

I was beginning to hold great contempt for anyone with the Crusader class.

Down at the grounds, the intermission entertainment began. Performing were a famous band of former thieves called the Black Panthers who decided to turn away from a life of crime, and inexplicably took up the unusual profession of circus performance.

"Did you know? Princess Iris has been a fan of the Black Panthers since she was a child. She personally requested the King to hire the Black Panthers for the halftime show."

Darkness, having a rare moment to show off her knowledge, shared this info with me.

I suddenly began to feel jealous towards these so-called Black Panthers, who were so beloved by my beloved sister.

"Steal!"

One of them stole a Neroid from its cage.

Big deal. My Steal never failed to pilfer the panties of cute girls.

"Lurk!"

A thief, locked in a cage with a ravenous looking Grey Wolf, hid in the shadows while he sneakily snatched a key tied in a string around the bear's neck, and used the key to escape the cage before the wolf pounced on him.

Big deal. My Lurk allowed me to elude a mob of undead.

"Dancing Daggers!"

For the final act, a thief threw several Daggers toward a noble lady who volunteered for the act, but just as they were about to hit her, the Daggers returned one by one, as if pulled by invisible strings, by the order they were thrown, to the thief.

B-Big deal.

After the show, the tournament resumed.

As this was the semi-finals, the numerous Manatite powered spotlights around the arena were all activated and directed to the grounds.

Vanir, with a vain swagger in his walk, returned to the center of the ring.

"Welcome all! Has everyone enjoyed a pleasant intermission? By the way, the gift shop merchandise has been hand sewed by slave children from a certain foreign tropical country, and the meat of the hot dogs from concession has been harvested from the deceased flesh of euthanized dogs from the local kennel."

Yet another moody ambience settled on the audience.

"But forget about all that for now! Are thy ready for this display of needless and gratuitous violence?!"

The sour mood was alleviated and the crowd broke out in cheers.

"Up next is the battle between the Pervert Prince and the unknown fodder who had fumbled his way through the matches so far!"

Prince Jatis was as composed as always, while his opponent, a young blond guy clad in chainmail and carrying a two handed sword, visibly shook with nervousness.

"Contestants! Fight!"

"Uwooooh!"

With a fierce cry, the nervous swordsman sprinted towards the prince with the tip of his blade trailing the ground, picking up dust.

He then made an exaggerated upwards slash some distance from the prince. The wide fanning motion directed a wall of disturbed dust that rose and then descended in a rapidly diminishing column, in the air.

He had taken notes from Alice's fights thus far.

But…

"Runic Strike!"

A crescent wave of devastating blue energy emerged from the suffusing dust. The wave created a clean cut on the ground, several feet deep, that ran across the origin point of the strike, and ended at the protective barriers surrounding the arena.

The attack just missed the noble.

"The next one will tear you apart."

"...I surrender."

All of the Prince's fights ended in this fashion, with the only variation being which clichéd one-liner he'd say after deploying a flashy attack.

"And yet another early climax! Do those words seem familiar to some of the less virile men in the audience, hm? Will the next fighters please come up to the ring! And please don't forget to stop by at the Wiz Magic Store main branch in Axel!"

Main Branch? That store was their _only_ branch.

The next fighters made their way to the ring.

Alice and Sir Nightingale faced each other and shook hands. When their hands made contact, Sir Nightingale visibly stiffened.

I activated Farsight and my Lip Reading skill.

"T-This hand, so soft, it could only belong to a little girl!"

I knew it. This man was suspicious.

Alice, obviously unsettled, snatched her hand back.

"Sniff, sniff, sniff. And not just any little girl...you are…!"

A deranged smile took form on his lips.

They separated and walked to the opposing ends of the ring. Two Manatite powered spotlights followed and illuminated them.

"Now, fight!"

Alice knelt to the ground and started of with Snipe.

Sir Nightingale raised his shield to intercept it.

Alice fired another arrow, which was blocked once more. Sir Nightingale stayed stationary.

"Has Sir Nightingale fought this cautiously in his previous matches?" Darkness asked.

He had always been a low-risk/moderate-rewards type but now he wasn't taking any risks at all.

The fights did not have a time-limit. It seemed that this crafty old man intended to have a drawn out waiting game.

Of course, the crowd would have none of this.

"Come on! Do something!"

"Fight! Fight!"

If it was me fighting, I would have ignored the crowd's jeering and turned the fight into a slow-paced war of attrition.

But Alice, tactically talented as she was, was easily pressured by the crowd, and proceeded to directly attack the old man.

She used Fog Cloud but the Old Man, displaying deceptive speed, quickly vacated the area of effect.

He made an agile lunging maneuver at Alice, who just managed to block the stab attack with her shield buckler.

Alice quickly drew and swung her sword to counter, but the Old Man anticipated this and raised his shield and used it to shove at Alice and imbalance her. Seeing an opening, he slashed at Alice.

She managed to twist out of the way, but the blade caught the fabric of her cloak.

"!"

A mass of separate incredulous reactions rose from the crowd.

"K-Kazuma! That is…!"

 _I've been relying too much on onni-sama, anyways. It's not fair to ask him to win my battles for me._

So that was what she meant.

She had felt powerless as Princess Iris, so she decided to fight as the adventurer, Alice.

 **Part 2**

"Stop the fight! Don't let Princess Iris get hurt!"

Despite the pleas of the audience, Vanir and the King made no attempt to hinder the fighters.

Meanwhile, that dirty old man was shamelessly unleashing a series of slashing attacks on Iris, and the whole time he was salivating with a lewd expression on his face.

"Really! First Prince Jatis, then Satou-sama, and now Sir Nightingale! Why is this tournament filled with such problematic men!"

Even if I was one of the problematic men listed, I couldn't help but agree.

"Fufu! What a wonderful and poetic turn of events! After I defeat you, I will deal with that brother of yours and then I will finally have you all for myself!"

Iris deflected a vertical slash with her buckler.

"E-Even if you defeat me, Jatis nii-sama will…!"

Iris trailed off. Even if Prince Jatis won, it would not be a happy ending for her. Both possibilities were undesirable.

"Don't underestimate an old man! I've fought in the front lines for thirty five years, longer than both you and your brother have been alive in this world! I _will_ find a way to defeat your brother, even if I have to sacrifice an arm to do so!"

Just how much did this dirty old man love little girls?

"Ku! This is all my fault! If it wasn't for my selfish request, Kazuma would still be in the tournament, and Princess Iris won't have to fight by herself!"

Darkness said, with a look of deep regret.

"Yeah. It's totally your fault, you unrelenting masochist."

"E-Even if it's true, please be a bit gentler with a maiden like me!"

And where was this maiden?

I noticed a commotion at the entrance-way. Prince Jatis was being held back by several guards.

"Let me go! I'll kill that lolicon bastard myself!"

The hypocrisy was not lost on me.

Eventually, with the King's help, Prince Jatis was restrained.

I turned my attention back to the fight.

Iris was switching between all of her varied fighting styles as she looked for a way to safely penetrate the old man's defences. With the crowd no longer provoking her to attack, instead incessantly telling her 'be careful, be careful', she could take as much time as she needed.

"Fog Cloud!"

This time, Iris casted Fog Cloud on herself.

Not expecting this unprecedented action, the old man who had been about to make another quick lunging move at Iris, halted in his advance.

An arrow emerged from the cloud. Again, it bounced off the metal shield.

"Volley! Sneak attack!"

Notching her last four arrows, Iris dashed out of the cloud, and positioned herself by the old man's blind side, and let the arrows fly.

"Arrgghh!"

They pierced through his armor.

The archer skill Volley, which allowed one to fire multiple arrows with one shot, and the thief skill Sneak Attack, which dealt critical damage and ignores armor resistance if the user attacks from the flank or to the target's back, was a deadly combo that was only possible to the Adventurer class.

I had abused this technique many times against the unfortunate castle guards who were coerced to be my training partners, and it had become my most reliable, single-target, go-to finishing move aside from the Create Water and Shocking grasp combo, which was more of an area-of-effect type finisher.

But the old man remained standing.

"Not yet! I won't give up! You'll have to kill me!"

Again, how much did this guy love little girls?!

Having exhausted most of her mana, however plentiful her reserves were, Iris probably did not have enough for a heavy hitter like Wind Blade, or any other Intermediate and above spells.

As the effects of Fog Cloud still remained, she slipped back into the cover.

The old man did not pursue her and took this chance to recover.

Iris had been deliberately trying to exhaust this old man, but she did so at the expense of her own mana reserves.

I had much to teach my cute disciple.

"Come out, Princess Iris! We both can't last much longer! Let's finish this in one move!"

The old man said such a clichéd line and raised his shield in front of him, his sword arm tensed but poised to fluidly attack from any angle.

Iris emerged from the fog, sprinting directly towards the old man.

Such a reckless move shocked not only the audience but her opponent.

Then she reached back with her free hand and pulled out a dagger. She muttered something, and only I caught it with my Lip Reading skill.

"Dancing Daggers…"

She then threw the dagger, which the old man easily blocked with his shield, sending its trajectory behind him.

I suddenly stood from my seat.

A performing thief from the intermission show used this same skill…

...The thief had thrown the daggers and then…

"!"

I could see what she was trying to do!

She could win this!

"Go, and finish this, Iris!"

As if sensing my support, Iris sped up, only to change directions to weave through a shield bash attack. She made it within the old man's guard!

"I got you now!"

Without room to build momentum, the old man couldn't put much power behind his upwards sword swing. Iris easily pinned down the attack with her sword.

And then, like a boomerang, spinning and glinting as it reflected light, the thrown dagger returned from its intended trajectory, and slipped past the old man's shoulder. Iris, with her free hand, snatched the dagger by its hilt.

She twirled it to a reverse grip and held the blade to the old man's neck.

"P-Please surrender."

Such a badass scene was ruined by Iris's natural meekness.

But, she looked up at him with upturned eyes.

"...I surrender."

The 'upturned eyes' attack had claimed yet another victim.

The crowd erupted in cheers.

"Amazing! Princess Iris is amazing!"

"Though some of the methods she used were quite despicable, all that matters is that she won!

"Uwooooh! That was the Dancing Daggers skill! To think that a beginner thief skill that is regarded as more of a parlor trick than a legitimate skill could be used to such an effect!"

So parlor tricks could be used as such, huh?

I looked to Aqua.

No, there's no way, I thought.

I had already stood but now the rest of the audience rose from their seats and cheered for Iris.

Beside me, Darkness's eyes were misting up.

"To think that the meek and unwillful Princess Iris would...I'm so proud! Is this what it feels like to have a child? Did my parents ever feel this proud of me?"

Show me the kind of ignorant parent who'd feel pride for such a depraved daughter.

I kept these thoughts to myself.

"Wow! What a match! Are thy not entertained?! By the way, moi has just received confirmation from the Wiz Store main branch that we…I mean, they have just ordered a limited shipment of magical daggers enchanted with the Dancing Daggers spell! If thy wishes to fight like Princess Iris, head over the the Wiz Magic Item Store now!"

This Devil needed to give it a rest already.

 **Part 3**

There was a another break right before the finals.

The green haired girl with a crossbow, Claire's replacement body guard, came to us in the VIP booth.

"Satou-sama, Princess Iris wishes to see you."

"I will go."

After all, I was always available for my cute little sister.

"Hm, it seems like her business is exclusively with you. I will wait here."

Darkness said, as she voraciously drank her second cup of iced Neroid.

Some people just never learn.

I followed the green haired girl, who introduced herself as Lucie, to Princess Iris's waiting area.

When we arrived, Claire was already all over Iris.

"Why would you do such a dangerous thing, Princess Iris!"

Claire was worried about Iris joining the tournament.

"You could have killed someone out there!"

Or not?

"Relax, Claire. As I you can see, I did not rely on the powerful abilities I've been blessed with since birth. I also chose the weakest Adventurer class as my profession."

I felt somewhat betrayed. I assumed she chose the Adventurer class in tribute of me.

Iris noticed my presence. "Onii-sama! Well, what do you think? I fought splendidly didn't I? Did you see the manner in which I decimated my opponents?"

The word 'decimated' had no business coming out of a cute little girl's mouth.

"You did really well! You surprised me!"

She pouted petulantly. "Onii-sama, you need to have some more faith in me."

I was told that the noble line was kept strong by having the top heroes marry into the family, but how was I supposed to predict that a little girl five years my junior could prove so capable in battle?

Claire coughed politely. "Well, I'd hate to leave you alone with this filthy man here, but it seems that you two have some matters to discuss."

Claire's animosity regarding me had always been gradually rising, but it was now at its peak in the wake of the scandal.

Claire and Lucie made their way out the door, but as they were about to vacate, their passage was blocked by the Prince.

"Oh, excuse me, Claire-san."

He said, politely, as he accidentally collided with Claire.

"Tsk! Pardon me, Prince, but you're in the way, you perverted Prince."

She said such words, but Claire was actually in the same moral ground as the prince. They were both Iris lovers, after all.

The Prince noticed my presence. "Oh, you're here. Just as well. In fact, Claire, Lucie, please stay. I wish for you to witness this."

This was the first time I've ever seen the Prince so serious.

He looked to Iris, who hid behind me. The Prince flinched at Iris's immediate evasion.

"Um...Iris, we haven't talked in awhile, haven't we, ever since I announced my intentions to marry you, my blood related sister. I wonder why that is? Haha."

He answered the question before he'd even asked it.

"What do you want, idiot Jatis nii-sama?"

No, Iris. Calling this idiot an idiot would only excite him, I thought.

I was used to the tendencies of degenerates, after all.

"I know that I am sort of strange. Somehow, I've been created by the gods to have certain predilections. That is to say, unlike most of the populous, I don't find the idea of romance between siblings all that abhorrent, you might even say that I find such a relationship to be epitome of eroticism! The feeling of wrongness...forbidden love...yes! Such a wonderful and delightful thing is the love between a brother and sister!"

"Geez! Jatis nii-sama, just get on with it!"

This guy was really too much.

And he shouldn't blame the gods for his own deficits.

"Ahem, well, this might be sudden, and I'll apologize to the King...our father, for the inconvenience, but I think that I'll have to maybe drop out of the tournament."

"N-No way. Is that true, Jatis nii-sama?"

Iris was incredulous, and so were the rest of us.

"What's with the sudden change of face, Prince Jatis?" I asked.

"Well, if I'm being realistic here, there's no way that I'll be allowed to marry my own sister, right? However righteous our father may be, I'm sure that he'll...eliminate any such threats to the integrity of the royal family, as the king should." He looked at Lucie. "In fact, hasn't his top assassin been hanging around a lot lately?"

Lucie's face remained impassive after that blunt implication.

So Darkness was right. The King was planning something behind the scenes. But to think that he'd consider assassinating his own son.

Or perhaps, assassination was a mere countermeasure. Prince Jatis eventually came to his senses, after all.

"And, well, despite how distorted I am, I do acknowledge that I am your brother foremost. As much as it pains me to stifle my desires, it must hurt you just as much to have a weird older brother like me, right, Iris?"

"Jatis nii-sama…"

Iris couldn't help but tear up.

"Geez. Shouldn't you be calling me onii-chan at such a moment?"

"Don't push your luck, Jatis nii-sama."

So this guy still had some rationality. But if that was the case, why had he been so stubborn up until now?

But when I think about it further, a Prince letting go of his inhibitions after returning from the frontlines, where he had fought since a young age, whether it was instigated by post-traumatic shock, or a mere expression of individuality, such a burst of irrationality was somewhat warranted.

In fact, I couldn't help but draw comparisons between the Prince and Iris.

Being born into royalty was not so simple as one would think.

"I had somewhat of a revelation, too. If Iris is willing to go so far as to want to challenge me, then she must value her personal freedom to such an extent. You've grown into a strong young woman, Iris…"

"Thank you very much, Jatis nii-sama."

Prince Jatis spread his arms wide in anticipation of a hug but it never came.

"This development is too convenient, though," Claire said. "You will drop out of the tournament with no ulterior conditions and stipulations? I find that hard to believe."

"I suppose you're right. As long as I still have some leverage, I should continue to indulge myself. That's what you're suggesting, no?"

"Erk!"

Claire just had to complicate matters.

"Relax. I've already given up with matters regarding Iris. I do feel somewhat uneasy, though. As if there's some unfinished business…"

His eyes met mine. I hurriedly avoided them.

"Yes, unfinished business indeed…"

 **Part 4**

"And so, with the condition of having the one they call Scumzuma take Princess Jailbait's place in the finals, the Ero-Prince has agreed to the drop out of the competition! What a plot-twist! Totally not a cop-out at all!"

Effusive cheers followed Vanir's announcement.

I was in a tunnel leading into the ring. Megumin and Darkness were helping me put on my gear.

"Fufu. When you dropped out of the tournament, I thought that all the money I spent betting against you was for naught. Even though I am not necessarily a follower of the Eris faith, I must thank her for bestowing this blessing upon me."

Megumin said this as she placed the Elven bracers around my arms. Darkness was attending to the greaves on my legs.

"D-Don't be mean to him, Megumin. Kazuma is doing an honorable thing, here. Aqua, make sure to get your resurrection spells ready."

"I should start charging money for my resurrection spells. It may not seem like it, but defying the fundamental order of the universe if a difficult task, you know!"

Aqua complained as she watched us disinterestedly while munching on popcorn. This girl was casually snacking as she watched my predicament with unbridled amusement.

"Onii-sama, I don't understand your apprehension. We've prepared for this fight and you seemed to be emotionally and mentally composed just a few days prior. What led to this sudden change?"

How could I explain to this unworldly princess the shock of having been liberated from an obligation, only to be thrown back into it once more?

I could provide only one example. Back in my Junior High School days, during those dreaded group projects, the normies would say things to me like, "It's OK, Satou-san, since we are all friends here except for you, we can work efficiently by ourselves. You don't have to participate, OK?" And thinking I had all this free time while the normies did the work for me, only for them to come to me during the day before the deadline and unashamedly say, "Sorry. Actually, we ended up fooling around every time we met up to do the project. We're really sorry. Please help us."

"It's that kind of feeling," I told Iris, after giving her an insight to my miserable Junior High days.

"Um, I really don't understand most of the terminology onii-sama referenced, like Junior Highs or classmates or normies, but I think I understand the concept?"

She said this while confusedly tilting her head.

"Well, it doesn't matter. All I have to do is fight, right? The Prince didn't specify that I had to win, necessarily. All I have to do is survive and then I'll reach a happy ending with Iris and everyone once all of this is over. Yeah, that sounds good. I'm pumped up now!"

"Oi, what is this happy ending he's talking about?" Megumin said to Aqua. "Does he have some weird expectation of us?"

"Perhaps Kazuma wants me to perform one of my magic tricks to comfort him after his inevitable defeat? Hm, just because it's that meanie Kazuma, I won't perform my top grade techniques, OK? He'll have to settle with the usual Nature's Beauty fare."

If I saw that useless Nature's Beauty that costs more SP to learn than most of my skills, I decided to take Aqua's precious performance fans and use them as target practice for Megumin's Explosion routine.

"OK, Kazuma, you're all set to go," Darkness said.

Wearing my recently purchased elven light armor set and my Boots of Speed, I put on my old green cloak as I had yet to decide on what enchantment to integrate to my new robes.

I wore the necklace with the shiny green stone around my neck that Megumin bought for me at the same time I bought the boots and the robe. I considered it a good luck charm, as it was technically the first gift anyone from this inconsiderate party of mine had given me.

Therefore, this item that I received despite such impossible odds might allow me to in turn, do the impossible.

I also had my partner with the weird name and my quiver and shortbow equipped. I considered learning the Dancing Daggers skill from Iris, but Megumin intervened.

"No way! Dancing Daggers is Iris's signature skill, you can't just copy it! We of the Crimson Demon clan value the worth of 'Signature Skills' and 'Finishing Moves' above all else! How would you feel if Iris started using Steal, huh?!"

Steal was the most basic of the Thief class skills, so why would I care if someone else used it?

And besides, Iris used my Volley and Sneak Attack combination in her fight, too.

I decided to let the matter drop. I doubted that I could use the same dagger trick and expect to fool Prince Jatis, anyways.

I had to resort to my initial plan of attack.

I looked around at the arena. The crowd was a miscellaneous blur behind the coruscating radiance of the Manatite powered lights.

The pressure of expectation from this crowd was weighing heavily upon me.

I took a deep breath.

"Ah! Whatever, let's just get this over with!"

When I stepped into the ring, I was unexpectedly greeted with cheers.

"Good luck, Satou-sama! Beat that Perverted Prince!"

"Even though I hated Satou-sama so much earlier, somehow I can't help but cheer for him!"

"Ahhh! I never stopped being your fan, Satou-sama!"

Public opinion shifted so easily once a common enemy was established.

And this common enemy appeared from the opposing tunnel with that disingenuous, martyred aura about him.

Once more, he was assaulted with jeering and boos.

We met at the center stage. Vanir came in between us.

"Do you two have any words for this audience?!"

He turned to me first.

"Um…I am..."

I flinched at hearing my magically amplified voice. Was that really what I sounded like?! I sounded like...well, a hiki-neet!

"...I am grateful for the opportunity to protect Princess Iris's honor…"

Uwa. I said something so cringeworthy.

But the audience ate it up.

Vanir turned to the Prince.

He smiled. "I've always wanted to spar with Satou-san. And what better way than to do it with thirty thousand people watching? It would not be an exaggeration to say that this clash will be recorded in the history books and…"

"OK! Enough of that! Make sure to visit Wiz Magic Item Store in Axel town, everyone! Now let's get on with the fight already!"

This Devil just came here to do some self-promotion, didn't he?

But when Vanir passed by, he discreetly whispered to my ear.

"There is something that we must discuss. Moi will come find thee later."

He said such ominous words before my fight.

As usual, Vanir had an advanced sense for the dramatics.

"And now, without further ado, let's get this fight started!"

Vanir laughed diabolically and leaped away.

The expectation was that I would make an evasive maneuver. However, the surest way to victory is to defy expectation.

With a rapid step, augmented by the Boots of Speed, I penetrated the Prince's guard.

"Drain Touch!"

I started off with my most effective disabling technique.

However, the Prince's reflexes, honed through his long tenure in the front lines, reacted to my lunging arm, and he deflected it with a swat of a hand. His free hand reached for a sword.

Using a maneuver I practiced, I back stepped from the Prince's sword range and planted both of my feet, drifting a little. If I hadn't practiced that move, at the high speeds I was moving, I would have broken both of my ankles.

I drew my bow and an arrow.

"Snipe!"

I aimed the arrow at his sword hand to disarm him.

Thinking that the shot would hit, as it always did, I dashed once more for another Drain Touch.

But the arrow was redirected by an invisible force. The runes on his armor pulsed blue for a moment.

"Did you think that I wouldn't prepare for you? I casted Protection from Arrows on myself before the fight."

Rune Knights are OP.

I couldn't stop my momentum, so I ran faster.

"What are you…!"

I charged at the prince, using my momentum to tackle him, my elven shoulder guard making contact with his chest plate.

"Ugh!"

That wasn't the Prince grunting in pain. My shoulder, as it had only been lightly armored, throbbed painfully.

But the charge worked. The Prince was propelled to the ground.

I couldn't use Counterspell on Protection from Arrows as it had already been cast. I needed a spell like Dispel Magic or Aqua's multipurpose Spell Break to neutralize magic that had already taken effect.

I returned my bow back in the quiver.

If arrows didn't work, then…

"Create Water! Shocking Grasp!"

I had another reliable finishing move.

I sent a torrent of water and followed it with a stream of electricity.

"Did you think Beginner level spells would have an effect on me?"

Of course. Like Darkness, he had high magic resistance.

Rune. Knights. Are. OP.

As close as I was, as vulnerable as I was, the Prince seized the advantage.

He raised a sword.

"Runic…!"

"Counterspell!"

It took a lot of mana, but the blue wisps of energy gathering around the tip of his blade dissipated into fading heat shimmers.

"W-What?! Impossible! Why you…!"

Why was he spouting such cliche antagonist dialogue?

I only had enough mana left for one more spell or skill. Counterspell was a powerful move, but it was extremely mana intensive for an uninitiated magic user like me.

But…

The Prince, knowing I had no way to counter consecutively, charged up mana once more.

...This is all according to plan!

"Steal!"

I did not aim for the Prince.

I aimed for the Manatite powered spotlights illuminating our battle.

Just as the Prince was about to unleash his attack, I absorbed the mana from the pilfered crystal.

"Runic Strike…!"

"Counterspell!"

Again, the mana fizzled out into non-existence.

"Amazing! Such inventiveness!"

"So this is the man who beat the Devil King!"

"Kyaaaa! Satou-sama, I wuuuuv you!"

The crowd was cheering louder than they had ever had. It hurt to listen, so I didn't.

Instead, I narrowed in on the opponent before me.

I didn't even need, or want, to win.

For the first time in this world, I actually wanted to fight for the sake of fighting.

I was like one of those hot headed protagonists in battle anime.

Anyway, I was in great condition!

With the Prince's long range capabilities neutralized by my Counterspell, and as I kept stealing more Manatite crystals and absorbing an amount of mana that far exceeded what my body normally produced, I was soon, once more, within striking distance from the Prince.

I couldn't directly damage him with magic, and my swordsmanship, while I did train arduously this past week, was still vastly inferior to the Prince's. I did not have a myriad of options, like I usually did.

Seriously. What good was an all-rounder if he didn't have access to all his skills?

Or maybe, I thought, I needed to look at this a different way.

If I could avoid retaliation, I could do enough damage on him with my partner with the weird name, thanks to the Sneak Attack skill.

No matter how superior his swordsmanship was, if I could hit him before he could hit me, it was my victory.

Applying this same philosophy, rather than deal direct damage with magic, I could use it instead to distract him, and then use Sneak Attack.

Of course, such tactics had always been my M.O., but my recent acquisition of reliable, as Megumin put it, 'Finishing Moves', made me stray away from my roots.

Well, this is the return of Scum-zuma!

As I drew closer, the Prince did not even try a magic based attack. He slashed at me with both of his swords this time.

"Create Earth! Wind Breath!"

I created fine dust in my hands and violently exhaled at it with a blast of wind.

The effect, as demonstrated on Darkness previously, was like getting hit with pepper spray.

"Arrgghh! It burns!"

I dashed behind the Prince, and positioned myself for a back attack.

"Sneak Attack!"

With the enemy distracted, with perfect back attack position, with my Luck modifier, One-Handed Sword proficiency modifier, the astronomical critical rate ratio of Sneak Attack, and finally, using the absurd excess of mana I absorbed from those Manatite crystals...

This attack would be enough to kill anyone, even the ex-Devil King (R.I.P.).

But I didn't want to kill the Prince.

"Ting!"

This sharp, yet melodious sound echoed throughout the arena.

I merely tapped at the Prince's armor with the tip of my blade.

I intended to threaten him, shake him up into surrendering.

But I underestimated the damage output of what must have been a 1000x Critical Hit, or something.

That expensive looking, rare-drop looking armor broke like an overbaked cake, that is, into many separate pieces.

In display was the sheer implausibility of abused Critical Hit mechanics integrated in a real life scenario.

He was left in a skintight body suit as he screamed and clawed at his eyes, yelling, "It burns, it burns!"

He hadn't even noticed his armor crumble into debris.

"Winner! Satou Kazuma!"

Vanir came to raise my arm.

I stood there, engulfed by passionate cheers, while the Prince's armor laid around me in broken pieces.

My partner was gleaming under the remaining Manatite powered spotlights.

Finally. This Chunchunmaru did something useful.

"Congratulations, Satou-sama!"

"Hooray for Satou-sama!"

"S-Satou-sama! I want your babies!"

Somehow, I emerged victorious against yet another seemingly insurmountable opponent.

Megumin was about to lose a lot of money.

 **Part 5**

As agreed upon, the Prince withdrew from the tournament.

There was still some animosity with the public towards the Prince, but as the situation cleanly concluded in the way it had, the silent consensus was that the Prince would ultimately be forgiven.

He was the brave warrior who served in the front lines before he was a sis-con pervert, after all.

The same could not be said for Sir Nightingale, though.

Prince Jatis was a handsome young man. Sir Nightingale was just an old creepy pervert.

Sucks for him, but that was just how society functioned.

There was a feast to be held in honor of Iris and I, for our success in the tournament. Though, I found it rather odd that the King would hold a celebration for the defeat of his own son.

Prince Jatis was not forbidden to attend, by any means, but he was tactful enough to ditch the festivities.

I felt a bit bad for the guy. There was a kind and decent man underneath his terrible predilections.

Of course, I could not say for certain if his good qualities indisputably outweighed the bad.

For the feast, I chose to wear the same cardigan based outfit I wore during the first meeting with the royal family.

The girls pretty much wore the same outfits, too, with Megumin wearing her adventuring gear and Aqua with a blue dress. Darkness went for a pure white dress this time, probably to project an image of purity.

Nobody fell for the deception. The young nobles who you'd expect would be swarming Darkness in order to gain her favor, had all intentionally avoided her.

I regained my good reputation from defeating the big bad pervert Prince Jatis, but Darkness had no such opportunity for convenient redemption.

All of the young noble boys turned their attention to Megumin.

After Megumin dealt the finishing blow to the Devil King, she was unanimously designated by the mage community as the most powerful mortal mage in Belzerg, if not the world.

Such a venerable status surpassed that of the comparably commonplace status of a noble.

And so these hopefuls were putting the moves on her.

Aqua was another candidate, but she was currently on a drinking spree and she waved around an empty bottle at all those who dared approach her.

With Megumin secretly enjoying the affections of multiple men, with Aqua being Aqua, as usual, and with Darkness sulking by herself in a corner, I was left to amuse myself.

There were nobles who were vying for my attention as well, but I had long since used Lurk on myself and hid in a corner.

I was leisurely sipping on wine and enjoying the green pea snacks that go well with it, when Iris approached me.

"It took me awhile to find you, onii-sama. Have you been using Lurk on yourself this entire time?"

At this point, there was no need for pretenses around Iris. I gave her a somewhat deprecatory smile.

"The attention is good and all, but I'm not one to enjoy such things."

"Onii-sama has very few things he enjoys."

"T-That's true, but please don't make it seem like I'm a close-minded person who rejects new experiences."

"...I made no such assessment of you, onii-sama."

Iris sat beside me and I extended Lurk's effect onto her. We munched on green peas. Iris asked to have a sip of wine but I was adamant in my refusal.

We talked about nonsense and went on tangents that did not link into anything we said at all.

During the more coherent parts of the conversation, she talked about her admiration for thieves, which started when she first saw an exhibition by the Black Panthers.

She also told me about the Chivalrous Thief who had been recently burglarizing the homes of corrupt nobles in the Capital, while giving the stolen goods to orphanages sponsored by the Eris sect.

"Rumors say that the Chivalrous Thief is a really handsome man," Iris said, dreamily.

I suddenly had the urge to kill this Chivalrous Thief.

Even if we were just chatting, I felt a happiness that was not the sort that overwhelms you, but one that flutters for a moment and lingers for a long, long time.

"You will be leaving soon, won't you, onii-sama?"

As the conversation dwindled, she brought up an awkward topic.

"Well, we won't be leaving forever, or anything. Megumin wants to visit her hometown and I can't just let her go there on her own…ah…"

As I finished saying it, I realized that I was ditching Iris here, in this big, lonely mansion, just so I could have fun with Megumin in the home of the Crimson Demons.

"Well, I guess Megumin can go by herself…"

"No, it's OK. You belong with your party. Even though we call ourselves brother and sister, we've only known each other for a short while. You are not tied to me by obligation now, either. And besides, I have work to do in regards to figuring out how to approach my relationship with my real brother, anyways. I have a lot of things to address here, so it's not like I'll be lonely without onii-sama."

She smiled. Her smile was so radiant that I couldn't help but believe her.

"I'll come back soon. I can afford to hire a teleportation service now, so I will visit you often," I said.

"Please do. And I'll be expecting souvenirs when you visit."

When we first met, she wouldn't have been able to make such a direct and willful request.

Someone like Claire might say that I corrupted Iris, but I suspected that Iris always had this kind of mischievous personality deep within her.

"Excuse me, is Megumin-sama here?"

As Iris and I were chatting, a somewhat aged noble approached Megumin.

"Um, here's the money we owe you. I can't believe you wagered that much money for Satou-sama to win. Kuh!"

Megumin quickly snatched the money and yelled for the noble to go away.

I see. So she wagered for my victory, after all.

What a tsundere.

 **Part 6**

"Pardon moi."

Not a Devil who would break his word, Vanir made an appearance once I stepped out of the shower. He made a provocative pose on my bed.

How creepy.

"So, what did you come here for? Is this about the 300 million Eris you owe me for selling my intellectual rights to those products? Listen, just because I recently hit it big time, doesn't mean that I won't take what is owed to me, OK?"

"Tch! Thy is more of a Devil than moi! To think that the so-called hero would be so obsessed with the material!"

He dramatically failed about, trashing my bed sheets around.

"Look, you came all the way here for a reason, right?! Just spit it out!"

"Very well. Moi came to give thy a warning. Be grateful! Moi senses that there will be great danger ahead in thy trip to the home of the delusional demons with weird names…"

"OK. Thank you for the warning. I will go to Megumin and cancel the trip right now."

"Do not be so hasty! There is powerful magic blocking moi scrying powers, so this certain future is inaccessible to moi. Whoever did such a thing is not only powerful, but has considered every risk to their plan, whatever it may have been. Moi suspects...that the remnants of the Devil King army might be taking action..."

And what did this have to do with me? If I told the King about this, he'd send his army to deal with the matter. There was no need for the hero to deal with every little thing.

"I can read thy thoughts, but let moi explain to thee the incomprehensible stupidity of that delusional demon clan…"

Vanir explained to me that the Crimson Demon clan had, some time ago, declared independence from Belzerg.

The home of the Crimson Demons were technically a country of their own. Apparently, Crimson Demons valued their own independence above everything else.

This was their official reasoning.

"The true reason was, those fools thought that having their own country to run would be fun for awhile."

Vanir said, as he shook his head in disapproval.

"Moi has already talked to the King about this. Although those delusional demons are an unpredictable lot, they are a valuable resource for this country, me included. Aside from their obvious strengths in magical power, the crimson fools are this country's foremost magic item artisans."

They needed to be protected, Vanir said, but this country's adventurers and army couldn't directly intervene with a 'country' that had declared independence.

But maybe the party of a Crimson Demon clansman could.

"And that is where thy steps in," he said.

I was left to digest this sudden info-dump.

"When did you get so friendly with the King?" I asked.

"And why wouldn't the King want to be friendly with an all-seeing Devil, and vice-versa?"

At first I thought the same thing, that a Devil's powers could prove useful to me.

The King would soon realize his grave misunderstanding.

I almost felt like crying. I thought that I was finally getting a vacation, but I got dragged into more trouble instead.

I didn't exactly have a choice. I couldn't just knowingly leave Megumin's clan to fight the remnants of the Devil King army by themselves.

I wasn't completely heartless, despite what some may say.

"It seems that thy has come up with an answer. Well, moi must now depart. As for thy previous inquiry, moi does not have the funds yet. Please content thyself with this limited edition Vanir mask that emulates my own. If worn at a moonlit night, thy metabolism, mana capacity, and physical prowess, will increase. And most importantly, thy will receive the charm of a Devil. Now, farewell! Oh, and Wiz says 'Hi'."

And with that, Vanir flicked a mask to me that was like his but fully black, and then the Devil leapt out of my window.

I looked at the mask.

How creepy.

I'd rather have the 300 million Eris, please.

 **Extra 1: A Peaceful Afternoon Following the Routine Explosion**

"Here, give me your hand."

I took his hand and he helped me up and adeptly slid my limp torso onto his back. He did it all in one seamless sequence of actions, and I didn't even have the time to register my positional shift from the ground to his back, and soon we were in motion.

He'd gotten too good at this.

I didn't say 'thank you', not because I wasn't grateful, because I was, it's just that it was too late now, in this stage of our relationship, to say it. If I broke our established behavioural patterns, if I altered our usual dynamics, he'd know that something was up, and there was something up, definitely, for sure, with me, because I didn't worry about such trifling matters before I met him.

"How would you grade today's Explosion?" I asked.

"It was good. About an 86. The impact was there, but the visuals were lacking. There needs to be more volume with the smoke, too. What comes after the initial Explosion is important too, you know."

He didn't need to answer me so seriously. He could've just blown me off like usual, but he knew how much I treasured anything related to Explosion magic. This considerate side of him, I thought that maybe he'd have more luck with women if he acted this way consistently.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"About noon," he said.

"So I guess it's lunchtime, huh?" I said. "Hey, maybe we…"

"Yeah. Just about," he said. "Ah, which reminds me, I have to buy some stuff for our trip to the home of the Crimson Demons. I guess I'll drop you off at the castle and then head to the market afterwards. Hm, sorry, were you saying something?"

"Not really. Do you need help with shopping?"

"You're not much use in your current state."

"But I can still do this, and this."

"Ouch! Hey, the hair is off-limits! Seriously, this is why you are referred to with that unpleasant nickname back in town!"

"I don't want to hear anything from this infamous Scum-zuma."

We continued our descent down the hill connecting the forested outskirts to the bustling streets of the capital.

I said,

"Hey, let's go sightseeing at my hometown. It's a beautiful place, you know?"

"...I don't feel good about sightseeing in such a strange place."

I ignored how he so casually called my hometown strange.

"Well, just stick with me," I said. "I don't want you getting into any trouble. I'm not sure if you noticed this, but improbable developments have a tendency of inexplicably occurring within your immediate vicinity."

"That's an awfully long-winded way to say 'trouble follows you wherever you go'."

"As a Crimson Demon, I abhor Clichéd platitudinal phrases."

"Yeah, same here, but you don't see me pulling a thesaurus out every time I need to prove a point."

Did he not know that reading a thesaurus from cover to cover was a prerequisite for graduating the Academy of the Crimson Demons?

I mean, why say destroy when you can say eviscerate, or decayed instead of dessicated, or temporary and not ephemeral?

"Complex, multi-syllable words are a staple of the Crimson Demon vernacular, after all!"

He laughed. "Well, if that's the case, there's a lot of things wrong with your clan. I don't think you guys are completely sane. But, somehow, I'm thinking that it might not be that bad? I mean, if I can get used to you, then I can get used to anyone, I think."

"Are you insulting me, or what?"

He laughed again. "I guess it's a compliment? I'm saying that...even if you are a total insane weirdo, and a consistent pain in the ass, somehow, I got used to the whole crazy, impulsive, volatile package that is Megumin. So that's a testament of how your good points far outnumber your bad points. Or, you know, whatever. S-Somehow, I feel like I just said something really embarrassing!"

I felt a peculiar sensation. The mysterious feeling manifested into a flux of churning, beating activity within the intersection of my chest and stomach. I could not ascertain if the disturbance was caused by cardiac, or digestive imbalance.

If Kazuma could read my thoughts, he'd have said, "Just say that you're getting butterflies in your stomach, you needlessly verbose, pretentious little girl!"

Or something like that.

As we continued our descent, a Wide-Winged Cheeper floated by my shoulder, spun in a lethargic loop in front of us, before flapping it's enormous wings once and darting rapidly to the sky.

Even though the capital had been engaged in ceaseless skirmishes with the Devil King army only a few weeks ago, the local ecosystem seemed pristine and undisturbed.

I felt somewhat guilty for unleashing my Explosion on this beautiful place.

This might be unusual for a Crimson Demon to say, but I was glad for a period of reprieve from all the recent dramatics.

Before all this Devil King business, before the fame and the glory and our involvement in the politics of this land... I wanted to return to such a simple time.

With just us four enjoying the simple aspects of life leisurely, with some bursts of excitement occurring frequently, but not constantly.

A peaceful life, with them...with him...is all that I really wanted, in the end.

To want more would ruin everything.

So, just for a little while, I will stray from the characteristics of the Crimson Demon clan, that unwavering impulse for action and initiative, and exist in this reverberating state of complacency, these blessed, wonderful days.

 **Extra 2: A Good Thief**

The necklace had exchanged hands from Princess Iris to its original owner, Prince Jatis, upon his return from the front lines.

The necklace was an artifact that allowed one to exchange bodies with whomever wore it. If used properly, one could gain immortality by constantly swapping bodies.

And aside from immortality, it was a quick way to gain power and prestige.

I didn't know who gave the artifact to the Prince, but I couldn't just wait around to find out.

But how in the world was I going to steal the artifact from a powerful Rune Knight like Prince Jatis?

Not to mention that getting through the palace security would prove to be its own separate challenge.

And that's not all...

Recently, matters became more complicated.

Darkness's party, against all odds, had defeated the Devil King.

I always had high expectations of that party, but to think that they would go this far…

Well, the complication lies in _his_ presence.

With Kazuma-kun in the castle, and with that Detect Enemy skill I taught him, he would sense me right away if I attempted to infiltrate.

I heard word that Darkness and company would leave on a journey soon, but even with them out of the picture, the situation was still a difficult one.

But the Chivalrous Thief always prevails, no matter what!

Once Kazuma-kun leaves, there'd be no one in the castle who could detect my presence.

I noticed that on Sundays, at eight-thirty p.m., the Prince would always go and pay his respects to the late Queen Belzerg's altar.

In that room, there was a single window, and the Prince never entered that room with any weapons, or any servants and guards.

The Prince would always open the window to filter out the ritual incense smoke.

All I needed to do was cast Bind and Steal in quick succession on the Prince as soon as he opened the window to let the smoke out.

With my high luck, I would surely steal the artifact.

I would retreat with the Escape skill and Lurk.

For awhile, I had to avoid the capital and set up base somewhere else.

I considered going back to Axel.

But I had to come back to the capital, eventually.

The capital was full of evil nobles, and there was still one more powerful and dangerous artifact to collect.

Well, all that will be taken care of soon, I thought.

One step at a time.

Carefully, never recklessly.

That is how a good thief operates.

 **Chapter 5 END**

 **Next Chapter: Blessing this Home of Crimson Demons with the Return of its Number One Genius!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Blessing This Home of the Crimson Demons with the Return of its Number One Genius!**

 **Part 1**

It was time to leave.

The girls, thinking we were about to embark on a vacation, were in a terrific mood.

As for me, all I could think about were the tribulations awaiting us.

This was the curse of foresight.

We were in the throne room. The king was giving us his farewells. Joining this address was Iris and her bodyguards, Claire and Rain, and, standing beside the king was Lucie, the green haired crossbow user, who was apparently the king's number one assassin, according to Prince Jatis.

I hadn't really thought much about it, but the king had considered assassinating his own son, just for the sake of keeping the royal family's reputation untainted.

Prince Jatis dismissed it as the expected duties of a king. I was from another world, with different moral values…at least, it was so in the era I was born in. I could not help but feel alienated, from a moral standpoint.

Speaking of Prince Jatis, he was also in attendance, but he stood at an awkward distance from us.

Well, his father _had_ considered assassinating him, after all. It was understandable to feel some tension.

"A lot of…unfortunate mishaps occurred, but I hope that your stay in the capital was a pleasant one," the king said.

We all exchanged uncertain looks.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Very pleasant," Megumin said.

For some reason, Megumin shot a glare at Iris, who returned the look with equal animosity.

I heard that the two of them had a 'girls talk' the night before. Did they have a fight?

"I-It is always an honor to be considered a guest of your highness," Darkness said.

Darkness had averted her eyes while saying this. She couldn't wait to get out of the capital, as well.

"You had some really good food and wine, so I have no complaints at all! And most of the supposed mishaps happened to Kazuma and Darkness, anyways!"

Come to think of it, in terms of creating trouble or getting involved in it, Aqua managed to remain relatively blameless.

I knew from past experience that hoping for a continuation of good behavior was a futile expectation.

"We've already said goodbye, but allow me to say it one more time, onii-sama."

Iris said such endearing words. She came over to hug me.

"I'll visit soon," I said.

"I'm looking forward to it."

Prince Jatis also approached us. Though, he did avoid looking to his father's direction.

"I feel like I made a terrible impression on you, but from here on out, I hope that you'll count me as one of your friends."

He held out a hand.

"…Normally, I make it a policy to not befriend handsome guys like you, but I'll make an exception for Iris's brother. Take care of her, OK?"

"Oh, yes. I will take care of her splendidly while you are away."

"Never mind. I rescind my friendship. Go explode, you normie."

He gave me the upturned eyes that was characteristic of the Belzerg siblings.

To think that a man could manage to pull my heartstrings.

I shook his hand.

"Though, if I were to be honest, I feel like you should talk to me more politely seeing as how you completely destroyed my armor," he said.

"…For that, I'm very sorry," I said.

The hardest part of life, or so they say, the farewells, have been made.

"Hey, are you forgetting to say your farewells to us, or what?"

Claire said this. She said 'us' as if I was excluding Rain as well, but Rain was the one teleporting us to the home of the Crimson Demons, so we didn't have to say goodbye to her yet.

"We haven't shared any meaningful interaction to warrant such things. We are barely acquaintances as it is, and if I remember correctly, you had some demeaning words for me back when I fell from grace."

Claire looked affronted, but something in her face told me that she didn't really disagree with my words.

"In any case, even the most unfamiliar acquaintances exchange farewells when one is embarking on a journey," she said.

She held out her hand.

"You have a point. And if a red-haired, busty beauty like you is willing to go to such lengths just to touch my hand, then I guess a gentleman like myself would have no choice but to please."

She tried to retreat her hand, but I took it, leaned close, and gave it a quick peck.

"I hate you so much," she said.

"Previous life experiences has taught me that strong hate is the foundation of an even stronger love..."

And by 'previous life experiences', I meant anime and manga.

"That's it, I tried to be nice, you all saw!"

Just as Claire was about to unsheathe her sword, the king coughed to get our attention.

He said, "Satou Kazuma, please come here for a moment."

I came to his side. He leaned to me and whispered, "I assume Vanir-san already told you everything?"

I nodded.

"Although they are quite troublesome, the Crimson Demons are still a valuable resource to us. And, for you, I'm sure that you'll have extra incentive, as the home of one of your precious party members is in grave danger..."

While looking at Megumin, I said, "Don't worry, you can count on us."

"Have you told them about the attack, yet?"

"It's better if they don't know what they're getting into," I said.

"…I can't tell if you're a good leader, or an unnecessarily cruel one."

"I don't know enough about leadership to make any sort of comment about that."

He chuckled.

"Listen, King Joethanael," I said. "I realize that Prince Jatis isn't really all that well adjusted. I get it, that he's the shame of the family and all, but he's not really such a bad son. I think."

I intended to be more confident in my stance.

"Yes, I realize all that. It is just…difficult. But perhaps I've been spoiled as a father. Jatis had always been so obedient and eager to impress. Whether this is all just a phase or the emergence of his true character, I hope that I can one day accept him for what he is."

Being a parent, especially a single parent, seemed really hard. It was not an envious job.

Nothing about King Joethanael's life was envious.

I was praised as a hero, but the people seemed to overlook this man who had the weight of an entire country, as well as the burdens of parenthood, weighing upon his shoulders.

 **Part 2**

We were all standing in a circle, holding each other's hands.

Our luggage was by our feet, including a carrier cage for Chomusuke.

Chomusuke spent his days in the castle being attended to by the finest pet groomers in the capital, and during meal time, fed the most supreme quality of fish, milk, and all the goodies that cats favored.

Chomusuke's fur had a velvety shine to it, and there was an ornamented collar around its neck. It walked with its feline chin raised, regarding as all with an imperious 'above you' attitude.

I'm glad that at least the cat enjoyed this trip to the capital.

"Are you all ready?" Rain said.

We all nodded.

"OK. I must warn you that there is a low percentage of failure when it comes to group teleportation."

"What percentage and what type of failure are we talking about here?" I asked.

"About 3%," she said.

"That's not so bad."

"And in case of failure, oh, I don't know, we might shift into an extra-planar dimension and become trapped there for all eternity. Well, here it goes…!"

"Eh? Come again?"

A bright flash engulfed us.

The sensation of transfer was intrusive and instantaneous and overwhelming.

I used the teleportation spell before, with the scrolls from Wiz's shop. I had a good sense of what should, and shouldn't happen, and I sensed that, somewhere along the way, the procedure had gone awry.

Instead of the home of the Crimson magic, we were transported to a depthless, pitch black space.

"W-Where is this place?" Darkness said.

I tried to move, but I couldn't.

"I can't move, Kazuma! This is not fair! I didn't even cast Explosion yet, so why can't I move?"

This girl needed to stop relating everything to Explosion magic.

I heard cries of distress from Chomusuke's cage. I abhorred animal cruelty as much as anyone, but I couldn't help but deprive a sense of schadenfreude at this spoiled cat's suffering.

I confirmed it with the others. We were suspended in the postures we were in previously, as we were teleported.

"Ooh, I can move! In fact, it feels like I'm floating! This is fun!"

The exception was Aqua who merrily floated in front of us. She was able to manipulate the strange force that held us all in place. I could see the invisible force stretch and waver as Aqua moved her limbs through it, pushing and pulling herself through this dimension.

"T-The transfer should have been instantaneous!" Rain said. "I can only conclude that the spell failed…"

The spell failed? Come to think of it, for such a terrible outcome, a 3% failure rate wasn't all that low at all.

"Rain-san, what is this place?" Darkness said, repeating her previous inquiry.

"We refer to this space as the Ethereal Plane. High-levelled, skilled Mages can use rituals to visit the Ethereal Plane in a spirit form, but as we intruded inadvertently, in our physical forms, as you can see, our bodies can't maneuver through the dense spiritual density of this realm."

She looked at Aqua, who had no problems moving.

"It is very strange how Aqua-sama can move so easily. Normally, only spiritual bodies and divine hosts can manipulate the energies of the Ethereal Plane."

There was finally definitive proof of Aqua's status as a goddess.

There were times when I was skeptical of the legitimacy of her godhood.

"No way. Don't tell me we're going to die here!" I cried.

"Not necessarily. According to what we know of the mysterious properties of the Ethereal Plane, the fundamental rule of this realm is that 'all must return to the point of origin'. Even if our body decays in time, it will recover to the state it was when we entered, returning to the 'point of origin'. We could spend an eternity here frozen in stasis, dying and resurrecting and dying again, forever, and ever…in an endless cycle of destruction and origin…"

This premise suddenly took a really dark turn.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, although I am a masochist, this kind of existential horror, being trapped in an unknown realm while in physical stasis for all eternity, is way beyond the tolerance threshold of my fetish!" Darkness said.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, although this existential horror appeals to my Crimson Demon sensibilities greatly, I'm afraid that I will be mind-broken if this goes on any further."

Megumin and Darkness were experiencing mirror replicas of each other's personal crises.

Aqua was still floating about. "It feels like I'm under water, Kazuma! Look, I'm swimming!"

Aqua, meanwhile, was having the time of her life.

"Rain, can you use the teleportation spell again?" I asked.

"Yes, but group teleportation spell takes a lot of mana. And I can't recover any more due to the inconvenient properties of this plane."

More and more, it seemed like this dimension was specifically created to torment us.

Using my limited vision, as I couldn't turn my head all the way around, I surveyed our surroundings, looking for anything that could help us.

Eventually, I found something.

I could see from my periphery, behind us, the image of a bright and illuminated area that seemed to resemble the images of the home of the Crimson Demons, which I've seen depictions of in reference guides and encyclopedias.

"That vague visage appears to resemble the home of the Crimson Demons," Megumin said, confirming my suspicions.

"So we slightly overshot our destination," Rain-san said. "That light is the dimensional portal we should have slipped into. We need to reach it to leave this dimension."

"Aqua, since you're the only one who can move, apparently, we need you to, I don't know, push us back, or something! Is that even possible?" I asked, the last question directed to Rain.

"It should be," Rain said. "Our bodies are now currently mass-less, as if we were underwater."

"You heard her, Aqua! Get to it! Who knows how long that portal will hold up!"

Aqua seemed like she wanted to argue, but she saw our panicked expressions.

"O-OK. So, will I have to push you one by one? I guess, in order of priority, it's women and children first. OK, Megumin will go first, then."

"Yes, I am a child. A child with undeveloped breasts. Please save my loli self, first."

Megumin was already losing a grip on the fundamental traits of her character.

"Wait, Aqua. There is a rope in my backpack. Tie it around us, and you can pull all of us to safety without having to do it one by one."

"Good idea, Kazuma!"

Aqua began tying the rope around us, but she was having trouble doing so.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, near hysterical.

"I-It's OK, Aqua. I'm sorry for rushing you. Just take your time," I said.

It didn't make sense to make Aqua panic and cause her to mess up, so I withheld my usual criticisms.

We were silent as Aqua did her work.

"Kazuma, Kazuma," Megumin said.

Megumin was the one to break the silence.

"What is it?" I said.

"Let's play a game," she said.

"Oi, this isn't the time to play games!"

"I beg to differ. It's the perfect time. We have to find a means to stay calm, or else someone will snap eventually. So, let's play a game."

"OK. You have a point," I conceded."What kind of game did you have in mind?"

"Hm, it's not really a game, but let's talk about our biggest regrets in life, so far. After all, if all fails, this might be our last moments of sanity. Let us dwell on our lingering regrets, while our minds are still capable of recalling them with any semblance of clarity…"

I thought that the purpose of this 'game' was to improve the mood, not make it worse.

But the others seemed up for it, as it was a means to take our mind off our current situation. I didn't really see the harm in it, so I played along.

"Let's choose the first contestant. Darkness, pick a number from 1 to 10."

"8," Darkness said.

"OK. The number I chose was also 8. It's your turn, now."

"Did you get lucky, or did you just pick the same number I did after the fact?"

"How rude of you, to accuse me of cheating. You told me before that 8 was your favorite number because the name 'Darkness' has 8 letters within it. Oh, and because you think that 8 looks like the infinity symbol standing up, or something."

"Did I really tell you all that? I don't recall telling you this…"

Megumin seemed to remember something. "Oh, yeah. You didn't tell me. I read it from your diary."

"…My number one regret is trusting you with my room keys. There. I'm done with my turn."

"No, Darkness! You have to take this seriously or else everyone else with give half-assed answers!"

"And why would I care if anyone else takes this stupid game seriously?! It's not even a game, this is just gossip! Fine, if you must know, I'll tell you about my biggest regret! When I was six years old, I had a maid who…"

"Oh, I already read about this in your diary. So that's your biggest regret, huh? Seems kind of tame, to me. I'm sure that your maid didn't mind too much that she had to hand wash your soiled bed sheets until you were ten years old, the age when you finally stopped wetting the bed. She's just doing her job, after all, so don't feel too sorry for her. OK, thanks for participating, contestant Darkness. The next contestant is Rain-san. You don't have to pick a number."

"…Did I do something recently to make you mad, Megumin?" Darkness said.

Rain, suddenly being the center of attention, lost her composure for a moment before quickly regaining it. "I'm not too sure about this…"

"Think of this as a way for us to get closer with one another," Megumin said. "We are all close friends here except for you, Rain-san. Wouldn't you want to build some camaraderie with us?"

Megumin certainly had a silver tongue.

"Your reasoning is really quite suspect, but I've always been susceptible to peer pressure. Kuh! If only I was a bit more assertive!"

Rain was surprisingly forthcoming about her deficits.

"Um, in terms of regrets, I guess it'd be the usual things. For example, I regret the fact that I never had a chance to confess to my first love. He was a noble in a house lesser than mine, so I had always been apprehensive about starting a relationship with him.

Due to all my fretting about, one day, he fell in love with a lady from a house of a higher status than him or mine, and they eloped soon after. If I hadn't been so superficial, thinking about our differences in status…sometimes I wonder what could have happened…"

She sighed. She had the look of a maiden as she fondly reminisced about her first love.

Megumin and Darkness, who were not at all versed in the feminine ways, had no way to respond or empathize.

"Uh, OK. Thanks for sharing," Megumin said. "Kazuma, go next."

"I also regret missing the chance to confess to my first love," I said.

For some reason, the girls, even Aqua who had only been barely listening as she did her work, started laughing at me.

I couldn't stop myself from blushing. "Oi! I'm telling the truth! Even I have experienced things like first love, you know?!"

"S-Sometimes I forget that Kazuma is a normal human being with emotions, like all of us. Of course it's normal for him to fall in love," Darkness said, while trying not to laugh.

"Don't pay lip service to this sociopath, Darkness," Megumin said.

What kind of unfeeling monster was I in their eyes?

"This story about Satou-sama's first love intrigues me," Rain said. "If you don't mind, please share with us, Satou-sama."

At least someone was trying to be polite. Though, Rain was also having a good chuckle.

"I don't really see why I should contribute after you all mocked me, but I'm a good sport, so I'll play along. Well, the story is really quite ordinary. I had a childhood friend who once told me, when we were kids, that she wanted to marry me when we were adults. Of course, I fell in love with her after that, and I continued to have feelings for her even as we got older. It turns out that my feelings were one-sided, though, because I happened to see her with another man…"

It was on the summer of the second year of Junior high, and I saw her riding in the back seat of a bike with a delinquent senpai. Up until that point, I was a diligent student who produced good grades, but I began to devolve into a NEET who wanted nothing to do with the outside world, after that traumatic heartbreak.

This was the origin story of my NEET self.

I found myself revealing a part of my dark, cringe worthy past that I had never talked about to anyone until this point.

I immediately regretted it!

I waited for them to laugh at me, but instead I received sympathetic looks from each of the girls, even Aqua.

"S-Somehow, the maternal, protective side of me wants to pamper this surprisingly vulnerable Satou-sama," Rain said.

Rain looked at me like a mother wanting to spoil her child.

"The normally crude Kazuma is displaying such a gentle side. Is this what they call gap moe?" Darkness said.

I didn't know how to feel about the term 'gap moe' being applied to me.

Megumin didn't say anything, but she looked at me with an expression I couldn't really decipher.

Aqua, who was still having trouble tying the knot, paused from her work and said, "Kazuma is quite cute when he's not putting up a tough guy act."

I wouldn't exactly call my default attitude of indifference a 'tough guy' act.

"How about you, Aqua? Are you willing to share anything?" Megumin asked.

"No, not really. I'm not the type to have any regrets," Aqua said.

I thought for sure that she'd regret being brought along in this world with me, and losing her position as a goddess in the process.

Speaking of which, I was reminded of something.

"Hey, Aqua. I already beat the Devil King. If I remember correctly, that angel said that you could return to heaven once you helped me defeat the Devil King. Whatever happened to that?"

I whispered this to Aqua to avoid any pesky inquiries from the others.

"Well, you know, it's not like I'm in a hurry to leave you guys," she said. "I'd stay here and have fun with all of you forever, if I could help it."

She flashed a genuine smile.

Be still, my beating heart.

Seriously, heart, stop beating for this uncute goddess. You are being deceived.

I had these thoughts about the Aqua who I had never considered as someone of the opposite sex.

We began to lose interest in Megumin's 'game', and soon our discussion settled to small talk.

It took a while for Aqua to tie the rope around us.

She finished eventually, with some instructions and encouragement from us, and soon she was pulling us out of this creepy dimension.

"Wait, Megumin didn't have her turn, yet," Darkness said, as we drew nearer to the light. "Quite frankly, out of all of us, I am more curious about the regrets of a gung-ho person like you, Megumin."

Darkness was implying that a reckless person like Megumin must have surely made many regretful mistakes in her life.

"Fufu. The word 'regret' does not belong in the Crimson Demon vocabulary," Megumin said.

"…You weren't planning on sharing anything at all, were you?"

"Not in the slightest. Thanks for sharing though, Rain-san, and especially you, Kazuma."

So in short, she did all this just to gather blackmail material from us.

 **Part 3**

We made it out safely.

"Ah! The laws of physics I once resented! Enslave me with your oppressive rationality once more!" As if to prove a point, Megumin flailed around and jumped up and down. "Gravity, the sweet feeling of gravity!"

"A-Although I wouldn't have minded an eternity of full-body paralysation, I'd rather it be me alone who suffers, and not my friends. I'm glad we got out of that safely," Darkness said.

"Fufu. All thanks to me," Aqua said.

Our derailment in the Ethereal Plane took a deeper emotional toll on me than I had imagined.

I just realized the terrible alternate outcomes if we hadn't come of that safely!

In the face of what I had just been through, this business with the Crimson Demons didn't seem so important anymore.

Seriously, those Crimson Demons could fight their own battles!

"Rain-san, let's go back to the capital."

Yes, back to the capital. With my gentle Iris, and the comforts and luxury life in a castle provided.

My soul needed some healing and respite from the terrors of this reality and beyond.

"…Sorry, but I want to avoid using the Teleportation spell, at least for awhile," Rain said.

It seems that I wasn't the only one who had been deeply affected. Come to think of it, Rain and I were pretty much the only normal people in this group.

No, although it pains me to admit it, I had my quirks as well. Rain was indeed the only normal one in this group.

"…If you really want to go back, Kazuma, there are people in the village who run a teleporting service. But, I'd really appreciate it if you at least drop by and say a quick 'hi' to my parents."

Megumin, looking unexpectedly bashful, said those words.

"…I might as well, I guess," I said. "I have a thing or two to say to the irresponsible parents, who allowed Megumin to grow up into such a weirdo, anyways."

"Never mind. I don't want you to meet my parents at all. In fact, stay away from my family. Knowing them, they might get the wrong idea and go on about me 'bringing a man home', or something."

"I see, so your family is like mine, Megumin," Darkness said. "My father also insists that I get married soon..."

"Someone as old as you, who is nearing the age of ineligibility, has no right to compare themselves with a fresh prospect like me."

"I'm not as old as you make me seem, OK?! And I am far from the 'age of ineligibility', which is rumored to be in the dreaded timeline of the 30's and 40's. I still have a lot of time ahead of me! Tell her, Rain-san, who is about the same age as me, if not older!"

"Please don't involve me in this, Dustiness-sama."

"I also don't wish to disclose my real age," Aqua said. "But I can assure you that I am younger than Darkness."

"Uguahh!" Darkness let out a strange cry.

Aqua had put a close to the argument.

To avoid delaying ourselves any further, we began heading to the home of the Crimson Demons, but before we made it halfway through, we heard the sound of running footsteps and a familiar voice calling out to us, behind us.

We were delayed once more.

"E-Eh? Megumin? And Kazuma-san and everyone? W-What are you all doing here? Did you receive a letter, too?"

Behind us was Yunyun. She looked slightly winded and some leaves had stuck to her clothes. She had a dagger on one hand and had her wand, still glowing with red energy, on the other. She was carrying a backpack with a sleeping bag tied to it with a long leather strap.

I looked behind her and saw a deep and lush forest. I read from somewhere that the forest bordering the home of the Crimson Demons was filled with high-levelled monsters. I reasoned that Yunyun had just gone through that forest to get here.

Teleporting services were quite expensive, so Yunyun must have traveled here the normal way, using caravans and traveling the rest of the way on foot.

As I continued studying Yunyun, I noticed that she had cut her hair short. It was now about shoulder length.

In fact, her hair looked exactly like Megumin's.

Aqua and I exchanged wry glances.

We predicted it, even way back then.

"H-Hmph! So you noticed my hair, huh? Think nothing of it! You may have beaten me in terms of accolades, Megumin, my rival, but I have matured in many ways, too! Therefore, I wanted a way to show how much I've grown in like a…um, an emotional way, I think..."

This uncertain girl couldn't even properly express her own motivations.

"You've been reading too much of those stories aimed for young adolescent girls, Yunyun. Rather than displaying your supposed emotional maturity, it seems like you're just trying to copy my hairstyle."

"!" Yunyun set her backpack down and retrieved a hand mirror from a side pocket. She gaped at the reflection staring back at her, as if it was her first time seeing it.

"I-It's true that I now look like Megumin, but if you consider the ribbons in my hair, and my various hair accessories, it's obvious that it is really quite different!"

She looked to us as if seeking confirmation. We avoided her gaze.

"So rather than my rival, you've become my imitator instead? What, are you going to learn Explosion magic now, too?"

This Megumin was really cruel and relentless.

Yunyun cried an 'Uwaa!' and ran past us to the home of the Crimson Village.

"Wait, she was talking about a 'letter', wasn't she?" Megumin asked.

She should have asked about that before making the poor girl run off.

 **Part 4**

"Oh. It's Megumin, isn't it? Long time no see. I saw Yunyun run past, too, but she completely ignored me. What happened?"

Greeting us, by the entrance, was a somewhat haggard young man, probably just a few years older than me, about College age. He had black hair and red eyes, a Crimson Demon, for sure.

"Ah. Isn't that the shoe maker's son, Buzucoily? Long time no see," Megumin said.

She completely disregarded the mention of Yunyun.

She approached this Buzucoily, another Crimson Demon with a weird name, and proceeded to chat with him.

"When I last saw you, you were just a little shrimp. And now you're…well, you've evolved into one of those small lobsters that you and your sister used to forage for your dinner."

"They are called crayfish. And I see that you are still a NEET like always, Buzucoily. What job are you pretending to have these days, Buzucoily? Are you part of the town guard, now, Buzocoily? Is that why you're leisurely 'patrolling' the town, Buzucoily?!"

As a fellow NEET who also 'patrolled' the town in his spare time, I had to speak up for this Buzucoily-san.

"Oi, Megumin. This guy here is your senior. Instead of going Buzucoily, Buzucoily, you should address him with the proper honorifics! 'Buzucoily onii-chan~' or 'Buzu-nii~' will do nicely! And make sure to put your heart into it and make it extra moe! I'm sure Buzucoily-san will appreciate that!"

Megumin didn't seem to like my suggestion.

"Buzucoily did act like an older brother to me when I was growing up, playing with me and even bringing me treats from time to time. For taking the time and effort to do all that, I appreciate and respect him.

However, what irks me is that during his pubertal years, as he didn't have any male friends around his age to confide in, this NEET would report to me, an impressionable child, about strange bodily changes he'd undergo, and unusual wet dreams he'd have, and his paranoia about hair growing in places where it shouldn't! I admit that I am somewhat emotionally dysfunctional now, as a young woman, but I blame my unusual emotional growth solely on this no-good NEET over here!"

Megumin just made a hefty accusation, but this 'no-good NEET' didn't seem to be listening to her at all.

Instead, Buzucoily-san was studying us.

"We don't usually have visitors here," he said.

Darkness, being our most capable diplomat, stepped towards Buzucoily and flashed a cordial smile. "We are Megumin's party. It is a pleasure to meet you, Buru…Busu…"

Our most capable diplomat was having trouble pronouncing this unusual name.

I whispered, "Buzucoily," to Darkness.

"…Buzucoily-san," she finished. "My name is La…I mean, Darkness."

She then proceeded to introduce Aqua, Rain, and me.

"Nice to meet you, Butchieculie-san," Rain said.

"It's Buzucoily," I whispered to her, as I had done for Darkness.

"Isn't that what I just said?" she asked.

She was surprisingly air headed.

Speaking of air heads…

"Pfft. What kind of name is that? What a dork!" Aqua said.

She was way too rude to someone she just met, though I could hardly disagree with her.

"All these girls and one boy...to think that the proud Megumin would join a harem. I assume she fills the role of the tsundere loli archetype?"

He made a surprisingly accurate evaluation.

"I want to hit you really hard right now, but that will only reinforce my supposed classification as a tsundere. For now, I will remind you that I know a lot of your secrets, Buzucoily, especially regarding your crush on the town's fortune teller, Soketto…"

Buzucoily hurriedly covered Megumin's mouth. "Geez, this girl! She didn't change at all!"

"So Megumin had always been this way, huh?" Darkness said. "I'm kind of curious about her past, now…"

Rather than Megumin, I was more curious about Darkness's past.

It was like how people were strangely fascinated by the psychology of serial killers.

My curiosity towards Darkness could be defined as such.

"I'd like to think that I've matured a little bit, unlike Megumin who has apparently always been this way," Aqua said.

I liked to think that Aqua had matured, too.

But there was a big difference between what I'd like to think, and how things really were.

"Ah. Where are my manners, I haven't even introduced myself," Buzucoily-san said.

He raised his hand to the air.

"I am Buzucoily! Son of the number one shoemaker in the home of the Crimson Demons! One who has mastered Advanced Magic! My job is to 'patrol' the town in case of any danger! My preference when it comes to women is, of course, big breasts and a pretty face! My Signature Skill is…"

I tuned him out.

I stared at Megumin, who was avoiding my gaze.

She made me believe, when she pitched the plan to visit her hometown, that her usual behavior was not an accurate representation of the Crimson Demons as a whole.

The entire clan was like this.

She had deceived me.

Buzucoily led us to the village. He was totally acting official, as if it as his job to welcome outsiders. But Megumin kept bringing up the fact that he was just a jobless NEET.

Megumin, who had now retrieved Chomusuke from the carrier cage we brought along, was looking nostalgically at her home.

"Ah, I remember that place over there, the Seal of the Evil God. That is where my little sister found Chomusuke."

I was sure that there was no correlation between The Seal of the Evil God, and the discovery of Chomusuke, as that was what Megumin seemed to be implying.

"As a mage, I've always been heavily interested in Crimson Demon culture. Could you give us a little tour, Bullycoozie-san?"

Just how bad was Rain's pronunciation?

Buzucoily-san, probably not used to a girl his age addressing him so casually, began to panic.

"Oh, uh, sure, Rain-san. Um, oh! If you look over there, that is a powerful magical telescope that was developed by one of our most skilled magic item artisans. We often use this telescope to observe the Devil King's castle…"

"I've heard of this telescope before!" Rain said. "Certainly, with this powerful item, the Crimson Demon clan must have amassed an abundance of information about the Devil King's army…"

"Eh? No, not really. Most of the time, we just use it to peep on the Devil King's daughter's room. N-Not that I do perverted things like that at all, Rain-san. Ha ha."

"Oh, Burunosy-san, you are quite humorous! As if a powerful magic item would be used for such a juvenile purpose!"

This outsider had severely underestimated the irrationality of the Crimson Demon clan.

Also, it wasn't Bootchieculie, or Bullycoozie, or Burunosy, it was Buzucoily!

I wanted to yell this at Rain.

"Hey, do you guys have any restaurants in this village, or anything? I'm getting hungry," Aqua announced.

I was about to call Aqua a glutton, but I realized that it was already lunchtime.

"Don't be a glutton, Aqua."

I still said it anyways.

"Don't worry, Aqua. Once we arrive at my home, I will cook everyone a delicious meal," Megumin said. "I just hope that my family could afford to buy decent ingredients with the money I send them every month. It'd be embarrassing to serve our guests with the usual fare of rice gruel and slightly salted bean sprouts."

She said something really depressing. I really didn't want any insight about the family troubles of others, if I could help it.

"Oh, yeah. About that, your home has been completely destroyed by the remnants of the Devil King army, Megumin. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Eh?"

Buzucoily-san just casually mentioned something really important.

Megumin grabbed the collar of Buzucoily's shirt and started tugging him around.

"Elaborate! What happened to my home?! What Devil King army?! Oi, tell me!"

"Did you not hear? What is left of the Devil King army made an assault on the village just two days ago. If it makes you feel any better, my home has been destroyed, too…"

"And how would that make me feel better?!"

I looked around me. While I didn't see anyone out in the streets, there were several businesses in operation, and the people here didn't seem at all concerned about the Devil King army.

"Oi, Megumin, calm down," I said. "There's no use panicking. I'm sure that your family is safe."

"Eh? What about my family? Why should I be concerned about them?"

Darkness became enraged and grabbed Megumin by the collar and shook her in the same manner Megumin had with Buzucoily-san.

"I always thought that you were cold-hearted, but what's with your lack of concern, Megumin?!"

"C-Calm down Dustiness-sama! Us mages value rationality above all else! I'm sure that Butsunolly-san and Megumin-san are actually very concerned about their families, but they are trying to keep a level head in order to make sense of the situation!"

Again, Rain was giving the Crimson Demons too much credit.

"Hey, if Megumin's house is out, can we go to a restaurant instead? It's not like I don't care about the safety of Megumin's family and all, but at the same time, I'm just thinking that it wouldn't hurt to have a bite to eat while I'm worrying, y'know?"

This self-centered goddess was adding to my growing headache.

"It seems that you are all misunderstanding something here," Megumin said. "I have no doubt that my family is safe. Crimson Demons are very powerful and capable, and unless we desire it, for the sake of theatrics, there is no way any of us can lose in a fight, much less if all of us fought together. If you look around, you can see that everything is peaceful. Does this look like a place the Devil King army attacked two days ago?"

She was right. As I observed previously, all the businesses seemed to be running as if nothing happened, and there was no noticeable collateral damage on the buildings, or the natural surroundings.

Well, except for Megumin and Buzucoily-san's home, apparently.

"The truth is, the Devil King army would often organize assaults on the home of the Crimson Demons," Meguimin continued. "I'd even say that they attack this place at a higher frequency than they do the capital. We are used to such things occurring, so please rest easy."

"Hold on, you were so distraught earlier upon hearing the news about your home," Darkness said.

"We don't have home insurance, so I panicked," Megumin said.

"This is the last time I will ever be concerned for you," Darkness said.

"As for your family, Megumin, they are taking refuge in the village chief's estate. My family is staying there as well," Buzucoily-san said.

I had some things to consider. If the Devil King army frequently attacked the home of the Crimson Demons, then there was no reason why both Vanir and King Joethanael would make a big deal about sending me here.

There must have been a reason. The Crimson Demons might be as powerful as Megumin claimed, but perhaps the Devil King army, with their leader now dead, was willing to engage in one last desperate assault.

A desperate enemy was not one to take for granted.

I didn't want the others to unnecessarily panic. Buzucoily-san had mentioned a village chief. My plan was to discuss the situation with the leader of the village, before doing anything else.

 **Part 5**

Buzucoily-san led us to the estate of the village chief.

It was a mansion, probably the same size as ours, back in Axel.

I was reminded of our home, which was probably still undergoing re-construction by now, and I began to feel homesick.

I really missed Axel, too. There were a lot of friends I wanted to catch up with, like Dust and his party, my old co-workers from the construction site, my drinking buddies from the guild…

And it was a while since I visited _that_ shop, too.

Buzucoily-san knocked on the door. It didn't take long for the door to open.

"Yes? Who is it?"

I was expecting a maid or a butler to open it, but we were greeted by Yunyun.

I almost forgot that Yunyun was the daughter of the village chief.

It was really awkward, considering how she ran away from us only a while ago.

"Yunyun. I was saying 'hi' to you earlier but you completely ignored me. How could you? Don't you remember me, who treated you like a precious little sister, your dear onii-chan, Buzucoily?"

"I-I'm sorry, Buzucoily-san. Um, long time no see. And, um, sorry, but if I remember correctly, you only ever played with Megumin and her sister, not me. In fact, the one time you came over to play with me, I remember you calling me something like 'a strange child' because I refused to brainstorm ideas for 'Finishing Moves' and 'Certain Kill Attacks' with you, and then you never came by again."

Recalling the memory, Yunyun's eyes started to tear up.

Just how many children did this Buzucoily fellow traumatize?

"Ah, I remember. No child in the village wanted to play with the young Yunyun, who was an anomaly among the Crimson Demons, as she didn't share our love for 'Finishing Moves' and 'Certain Kill Attacks'. How nostalgic."

What was up with this maltreatment of Yunyun?

Rather, why was the only sane person in this village treated like some kind of pariah?

"Hm? Yunyun, do we have company?"

A middle aged man with a mustache came out and approached us. He wore a red robe and he had a wand, similar to Yunyun's, attached to his leather belt. Despite his age, he was wearing black leather pants and a bejeweled choker around his neck, but that could be attributed to the conventional fashion sense of the Crimson Demons, rather than the symptoms of a mid-life crisis.

"Y-Yes, father. Um, it seems that Megumin has returned to our village. And she came here with her party..."

"I've heard about the exploits of this party. It is an honor to meet all of you. And to think that Megumin would be a member of the party who would kill the Devil King. Well, Megumin had always been considered a once in a generation genius, a genius among geniuses, so this much is expected!"

As the chief said this, Yunyun lowered her head.

Also, I didn't think that there had been any truth to Megumin's bragging, when she went on and on about being the number one genius of the Crimson Demons. I didn't know that she was actually as big of a deal as she claimed, back in her home town.

"Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Yunikoguma! The Number One Village Chief of the Crimson Demons! One who has mastered Advanced Magic!"

Another weird name and greeting.

"Megumin, I assume that you will want to see your parents. Right now, they are staying in one of the guest rooms. Buzucoily-kun, your parents are also in their rooms. I will be here with Yunyun, as we have a lot to catch up on. I am sure that you have a lot of exciting stories to tell about your adventures, Yunyun!"

"Y-Yes, father..."

I needed to talk to the chief, but I didn't want to intrude on his reunion with Yunyun.

We thanked the chief for his hospitality and headed upstairs.

"I'm going to my parents' room," Buzucoily said. "I will see you all later."

"Yes, I will look forward to seeing you again," Rain said. "I would very much like a continuation of the tour, Burukosky-san."

"I-It would be my pleasure, Rain-san!"

A strange coupling had formed.

"Hmph! Before, that no-good NEET was going on about Soketto this and Soketto that. This just goes to show how fickle the emotions of men are. They will fall in love with girls who act just a bit kindly to them!"

Megumin made this harsh judgement about the male sex.

"E-Eh? I'm sure that it's not like that at all with Buztsucrawlly-san. G-Geez, Megumin-san, you must be joking! He doesn't really love me...does he?"

Rain seemed like the type to develop feelings for someone just because she was egged on by her friends.

Totally the susceptible type.

We followed the chief's directions and reached the guest room where Megumin's parents were staying. She knocked on the door.

"Hm? Who is it? Is it Buzucoily-nii again? Did you come to give me treats in exchange for me listening to your weird dreams about Soketto-san, again?"

A child's voice could be heard from the other side of the door.

"That NEET! I'll rip his hair out!"

We held back Megumin, who was about to run for Buzucoily's room and commit a crime of passion.

"Eh? Is that onee-chan's voice?"

The door opened. From the other side was a little girl, who looked like what Megumin would look like at that age.

I immediately sensed great potential within this girl, as if my instincts were telling me that I was in the presence of someone who would become a great person in the future.

I resisted the urge to kneel in reverence to this young girl.

"Hello, Komekko, I'm back. Did you miss me?"

This little girl, Komekko, looked at Megumin, then at Chomusuke who was perched on Megumin's shoulder. For some reason, Komekko began to drool while looking at Chomusuke.

"Ah, onee-chan brought tonight's dinner!"

She was Megumin's little sister, alright.

Coming out from the room, following Komekko, was a woman I assumed to be Megumin's mother.

Aside from a few wrinkled laugh lines, she still looked very young and beautiful.

But, when I looked at her chest, or her lack of it, I gave up any hope that Megumin would someday develop in that area.

"Oh, my! My daughter, the hero, has returned. And she brought her famous party with her. I wish you would have given us a warning. I would have worn my best dress to properly greet your friends..."

She was wearing a plain looking dress, meant for casual wear around the house, not for entertaining guests.

"…I already wrote to you about my visit. And isn't mother already wearing her best dress…?"

Whatever Megumin was saying was muffled by her mother's hands.

"In any case, I am Yuiyui. Mother of Megumin. One who has mastered Advanced Magic. It is certainly nice to finally meet all of you."

It was a polite and normal greeting, but it was still made in the usual Crimson Demon format.

Also, and this was somewhat cruel to think so, but I thought that the name 'Yuiyui' sounded like the stage name of an idol trying too hard to be cute.

Yuiyui-san looked at Darkness and bowed.

"It's an honor to be in the presence of someone of your stature, Dustiness-sama."

Darkness, switching to her Lalatina side, gently smiled and bowed her head. "No, the honor is mine. I see that Megumin got her beauty from her mother."

"And this beautiful blue hair, you must be that powerful Arch-Priest of the Axis cult, Aqua."

Aqua puffed out her chest in pride.

"Fufu. You've done your research well, Megumin's mama. Say, do you have any food in there? I smell the faint fragrance of food in the air!"

Aqua was being callous as usual, but Yuiyui-san didn't seem to mind.

"Of course! I just prepared cooking my world famous rice gruel and slightly salted bean sprouts!"

So the existence of rice gruel and bean sprouts was not an exaggerated lie made by Megumin.

Just how poor was this family?

As I was considering how much money to give to this family that obviously very desperately needed it, Yuiyui-san glanced at Rain, and looked at her as if she was trying to decipher a puzzle.

"Um...I'm terribly sorry, but you are...?"

"Ah. No. I'm not anyone particularly famous and important. I'm just, uh, escorting this party."

"I...I see..."

This unexpected bout of self-deprecation came from Rain.

Lastly, Yuiyui-san regarded me.

"And of course, there is Satou-san. My daughter has told me a _lot_ about you."

I looked at Megumin, who shrugged. "I write letters home about our adventures," she explained. "I happened to mention you a few times."

"Fufu. My dear daughter, you won't get anywhere if you're this shy. Satou-san, you must know that, recently, I received a ten page report from my daughter about you..."

"OK. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," Megumin said. "You're the one who asked me to write more about Kazuma, mother. In fact, you kind of freaked me out because I thought you were developing a crush on Kazuma, with how often you insisted I write about him."

"Oh my, what a thing to say! I do have quite a bit of interest in Satou-san, but not in any strange way," Yuiyui-san said. "I am your mother, after all. Of course I'd be interested about the men in your life."

"'Men in my life', huh?"

Megumin gave me a look of 'I knew this was going to happen'.

Yuiyui-san then said, "Ah, where are my manners. Everyone, please come in. I'm sure that you are all hungry."

As I filed in with the others, Yuiyui-san held me gently by the arm, and pulled me to the side.

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked.

I was already getting a dangerous feeling from this woman.

"Oh, please relax. I have a question for you, that's all."

Danger, danger, danger.

This word kept ringing in my head.

I looked to Megumin for help but she was avoiding my gaze.

I have been abandoned.

Yuiyui-san leaned closer to me, conspiratorially, and said,

"So, Satou-san, I would like to know, when do you intend to marry my daughter?"

 **Chapter 6 END**

 **Next Chapter: Devil's Vengeance on this Awful Village!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Devil's Vengeance on this Awful Village!**

 **Part 1**

When do you intend to marry my daughter?

Megumin's mother, Yuiyui-san, asked me this.

I was asked a question I had no answer to.

Rather than intention, I had no immediate desire to marry Megumin, or anyone else, for that matter.

At least, this was the stance of my present self.

The norms of this world, of this medieval era, where people would normally marry before their twenties, clashed with what I knew as common sense.

In terms of cultural and technological advancement, this world belonged in the 15th century, if inserted in the timeline of my own world's history.

Meanwhile, I was still, at heart, a 21st century boy.

"Mother, please leave Kazuma alone. Even if you are joking, he will take it seriously. Now, please help me set the dishes," Megumin said, coming to my rescue.

"Fufu, I will be right behind you, dear."

Yuiyui-san gave me a meaningful look before finally releasing my arm.

The guest room was about half as large as the living room of our mansion back in Axel. The floors were covered with a thick, black carpet. The walls were painted a striking red. There was a motivational poster in a wooden frame hanging on the wall, and it read, "Looking Cool is more important than Winning."

There were two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small kitchen with a fridge and a stove oven with a single element. There was a pot of boiling bean sprouts on the element. The appliances were powered by a single Manatite crystal.

"This is a rechargeable Manatite crystal," Rain explained. "While normal Manatite crystals become obsolete after one use, this crystal can keep absorbing mana even as it runs out. This item would cost a small fortune outside of the home of the Crimson Demons, but in here, a mere guest room is equipped with such a rare commodity…"

"Any self-respecting Crimson Demon can make a simple magic item like that, no problem," Megumin said. "Why buy it when you can make it?"

"Oh? So can you make this 'simple item', Megumin?" I asked.

"...You already know the answer. I spent all my SP on the Explosion magic skill tree. My magic item crafting trait is still at its most basic stages. At most, I can make you a potion that gets rid of the drowsiness that comes after eating a heavy meal."

As if I'd have a need for such an overly specific and redundant medicinal effect.

We all gathered at a table in the living room, where Yuiyui-san served us the rice gruel and slightly salted bean sprouts.

"Wow, this is the most food I've seen in awhile!" Megumin's little sister, Komekko, said.

The servings were minimal. I had a couple spoonfuls of rice gruel and four pieces of bean sprout, and Yuiyui-san had been generous with my servings.

"Fufu. Mama went all out today!"

Seriously, how poor was this family?

I took out my wallet. "Um, please don't take offense, but I'd like to give you this money…"

As I was about to take out a substantial amount of Eris, Megumin stopped me and pulled me to the side.

"Kazuma, while I appreciate your concern for my family, please trust me when I say that giving them more money will do more harm than good."

"No, the way your family is living, subsisting on rice gruel and bean sprouts, honestly breaks my heart. Shame on you, Megumin. You should be sending your family more money, or at least you should have asked me to increase your monthly allowance."

"Before you jump to insulting conclusions about me, please listen first! Although it is quite awkward for me to talk about it...the problem lies with my father…"

Megumin had on a melancholic expression I had rarely seen from her.

"By the way, where is this father of yours?" I asked. "And what does he do for a living?"

It was a rather direct and rude question to ask, but I needed to know what the breadwinner of this family was doing, for the family's financial situation to become this dire.

"...Like I said, I'd rather not talk about it. All I can say is that even if you give my mother more money, all of it will go to my father, and he will waste it all…"

My heart sunk.

I saw now why it was hard for Megumin to talk about this.

A father who wastes the family budget on frivolous distractions, like alcohol, excessive gambling, and the company of other women…

This was that kind of scenario, wasn't it?!

So that was what Megumin meant, when she said that money wouldn't solve the problem. If I gave Yuiyui-san more money, her wretched husband would just take it for himself, and waste it all on booze and women.

"Hm? Komekko-chan, you have a lot of bruises on your leg!" Aqua, who immediately got along with Komekko as they were of a similar mental age, said this. She began casting healing spells along Komekko's leg. "Where did you get all of these bruises?"

"Oh. Um. I fell down the stairs…"

That was the most typical excuse of an abuse victim!

I could picture the family situation clearly now!

And it made sense, why Yuiyui-san was trying to hook me up with Megumin earlier.

She was trying to have Megumin live a better, secure life by marrying her off to someone who was financially stable and reputable.

To have her daughter marry for financial stability, rather than for the sake of mutual love...

This story was too tragic!

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. "Yuiyui. I'm home."

"Oh, that must be my father," Megumin said.

It was that scumbag father!

As Yuiyui-san rose to open the door, I stood before she did, and gestured for her to stay down.

"Wait, Yuiyui-san. I would like to talk to your husband, man-to-man."

Darkness and Rain, who were busy staring at the pitiful meal before them, looked to me.

"K-Kazuma? Why would you suddenly want to speak to Megumin's father man-to-man?! Are you perhaps asking permission to…!"

Darkness said something incomprehensible.

"Dustiness-sama, forgive me for saying so, but how dense could you be? I've only known this party only for a little while, but even I have sensed that Megumin-sama and Satou-sama are like _that_."

Rain said something equally incomprehensible.

"Kazuma, I think you're misunderstanding something here. No, I know that you are misunderstanding something," Megumin said.

Ignoring the others for now, I patted Megumin on the head.

"You've been trying really hard all this time, right? I'm sorry that I never noticed until now. Let me take care of things from now on, OK?"

"...Just for the rare chance of seeing the usually perceptive and observant Kazuma make a fool out of himself, I won't interfere," Megumin said.

What a tsundere. Wouldn't a simple 'thank you' suffice?

I had this thought as I opened the door and met the man who had been tormenting Megumin's family.

"Eh? Sorry, did I get the wrong door? No, wait, I recognize you...aren't you the leader of my daughter's party? Oh, she did say that she was coming to visit. Anyways, nice to meet you."

Before me was a man with a stern, but not unfriendly look on his face. He wore shabby work clothes that had patches and tears on the fabric.

He seemed like a decent man, if a bit run down.

But I would not be fooled by physical appearances alone.

"Listen, um, sorry, but I don't know your name," I admitted.

I was off to a poor start.

"I am Hyoizaburo. Number one...er, I mean, I am a magic item craftsman. One who has mastered Advanced Magic," he said.

"Hyoizaburo-san, there is something of great importance that I must talk to you about, man-to-man."

I repeated my intention.

For some reason, Rain was going 'kyaaaa~!' in the background.

"Hm...is that so? And would this involve my daughter, Megumin, perhaps?"

"Uh, yeah, it does."

Of course she was involved. Was this guy trying to play mind tricks on me?

He looked behind me and I followed his gaze to Megumin. "Megumin, welcome home," he said.

"Yeah, I'm home."

"Thank you for sending us a portion of your savings every month. As a man, I only feel shame, accepting money from my own daughter, but as a father, I am so proud of you."

"T-Thanks, father."

Eh?

What was with this pleasant atmosphere? Perhaps I read the situation wrong?

I started to panic.

"With that said, I acknowledge you as an adult now, Megumin. Not only have you proven to me that you can survive out there, in this cruel world, but you even did such a great deed as defeating the Devil King…"

OK. Now I was certain that I had some misconceptions about this family.

"...And as an adult, I recognize that you are now autonomous, and can make your own decisions."

He returned his attention to me.

"Satou-san...or perhaps I should call you Kazuma-kun? I appreciate the gesture, to ask for my blessing, man-to-man, but that is not necessary, as you are now both adults. But, since you went this far, I will oblige. You may have my daughter's hand in marriage."

I had made a terrible misunderstanding.

But this guy was making an even bigger one!

"S-So it was true?! Megumin and Kazuma are like _that_?!" Darkness said.

"Kyaaaaa~! Congratulations, you two!" Rain-san said.

Yuiyui was wiping tears of happiness from her eyes and Komekko and Aqua were cheerily clapping for us.

They were making a big misunderstanding, too!

What a mess!

Megumin stood up and went over to me.

"See? This is why you should properly listen to me."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am. I will try not to be so presumptuous from now on, ma'am."

Watching us, Aqua smirked.

"Heh. She already has him whipped."

 **Part 2**

Hyoizaburo-san was a magic item artisan, but he wasn't a very good one.

Though he was talented and had a vast amount of latent magical power, even for a Crimson Demon, for some reason, his products just didn't sell.

Well, everyone aside from Hyoizaburo himself knew the reason why his products didn't sell.

"I don't get it," he said. "Aside from one magic item shop from Axel, no one is interested at all in my wares."

His wares included things like a collar that would grant any wish, but would strangle the wearer if the wish wasn't fulfilled.

Or a portable toilet that creates the sound of waterfalls when used, so as to provide privacy for the user, but had the effect of attracting monsters due to the loud sound created.

And so on and so forth. I immediately recognized which magic shop in Axel he was referring to.

"So that's why you don't send them a lot of money every month," I whispered to Megumin. "You don't want your father wasting any more money on the construction of his products."

Megumin nodded and whispered back, "Yeah. And my mother, for some reason, keeps supporting him with his work, even though we've been in poverty for as long as I can remember."

What a messed up family this was.

I'd rather if he was a typical deadbeat father, then at least the solution would have been simple.

It took awhile to clear up the misunderstanding, but we eventually got Hyoizaburo-san to accept that Megumin and I weren't about to do a shotgun marriage.

"How did you even get the idea that I wanted to propose to your daughter, Hyoizaburo-san?" I asked him.

He looked over to Yuiyui-san. "Well, my wife put the idea in my head, about Megumin finding a 'super capable guy', so when you started talking about 'important matters that must be spoken of man-to-man', I naturally assumed that you were asking for my blessing on your marriage..."

"You have to admit, Kazuma, that with the way you worded it, it would be natural for us to presume all sorts of things," Darkness said.

"I can't believe my instincts were wrong!" Rain said. "I am usually good about sensing these things!"

"Kazuma and Megumin would make a terrible couple, though!" Aqua said. "I mean, they both fight all the time and I'm pretty sure that Megumin's body type doesn't fit Kazuma's preferences at all…"

Aqua went on a fit of "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" once Megumin jumped on her and pulled her into a headlock.

"I don't get it. Is 'marriage' something you can eat? Is it tasty?" Komekko asked.

"Ah...sure, Komekko-chan. That's what it means," Hyoizaburo-san said. "Marriage is a tasty treat shared between two people who love each other very much."

"Oh...darling," Yuiyui-san said.

Despite their age, those two acted like they were still newlyweds.

"Ah, I get it. Buzucoily-nii taught me something similar to this. If marriage is a tasty treat shared between two people who love each other, then that means onee-chan and her new boyfriend want to 'eat each other out', right?"

"That's it. That no good NEET will receive a full-powered Explosion," Megumin said.

I was too tired to say anything more about the matter.

It was still around noon, but with everything that happened in the Ethereal Realm, and with all this business in the home of the Crimson Demons, I wanted nothing more than to take a nap.

"Is there a hotel we can stay at during our visit?" I asked. "I'd hate to impose on the village chief more than we need to."

"There's no hotels since we rarely receive outsiders. But some people rent out spare rooms when visitors do come," Yuiyui-san explained. "In fact, I can refer you to a friend."

Yuiyui-san wrote me up an address. "Thanks. OK. I will get this settled now, then."

"Oh, you're leaving so soon? I'd like to chat with you for a bit longer."

"I am also interested in the leader of my daughter's party," Hyoizaburo-san said.

No, if I stayed there any longer, my head would explode from the stress.

I excused myself as politely as I could. The others all decided to stay and chat with Megumin's family.

I had other reasons for wanting to leave, though extracting myself from that stressful bunch was my main priority.

I sought after the village chief.

When I went downstairs, I saw that Yunyun and the chief were sitting by the kitchen table.

The chief looked to be in a jovial mood, opposite to Yunyun's nervous one. She looked like she was about to collapse from nervousness at any point in their conversation.

"Wow! To think that you saved Megumin from danger so many times! You are such a loyal friend, Yunyun! So loyal, in fact, that you chose to cut your hair similar to Megumin's!"

Yunyun flinched at that last comment.

"Y-Yes! When the Giant Toa...I mean, when the Griffon and Manticore had cornered Megumin's party, I came in and slayed the Griffon and Manticore with my finishing move Light of Saber...!"

"Amazing! Truly amazing!"

I expected Yunyun to exaggerate about her adventures a little...but to replace the Giant Toads from that time with a Griffon and a Manticore, was a bit too much.

But, Yunyun needed all the help she could get.

Deciding to help her out, I came to confirm her lies.

"Ah, how nostalgic. We would have been in quite a bind if Yunyun didn't use her finishing move, Light of Saber, to kill that Griffon and Manticore. I was especially inspired by Yunyun's speech. 'You filthy creatures...you dare hurt my precious friends...for that I will unleash my Certain Kill technique! Light of Saaabeeeeerrrr! That's what she said, word for word."

"K-Kazuma-san?!" Yunyun squeaked. "Sorry! Wait, I can explain!"

I put a finger on Yunyun's lips. "Ah, don't be so humble, Yunyun. You saved all of us, didn't you? No need to be so modest!"

The chief looked at our interaction and chuckled.

"Ah, Satou-san, or perhaps I should call you Kazuma-kun? Fufu. You sly dog. If you were dating my daughter, then you should have said so earlier!"

Not this again.

What was the deal with these fathers thinking I was dating their daughters?

Did I really seem like the popular type?!

"N-No, you are mistaken, father! Kazuma-san is not the boyfriend I told you about...um...it is someone else who lives in the town of Axel…"

So it was her!

Just how many lies did this girl make?!

"I see...I would like to meet this boyfriend-san soon, then."

"Uh...yeah, I'll have him come visit soon…"

I did all I could to help her, but I wasn't about to involve myself in any more misunderstandings.

I could give her a moment of reprieve, though.

"Um, chief-san, there is something that I'd like to discuss with you, in private…"

This time, I would not say that it was an important matter that must be spoken of man-to-man.

"I see. From the looks of you, I can tell that this will be serious. Come, follow me to my study."

As the chief left, I took a moment to talk to Yunyun.

"If I ask one of my friends, I'm sure one of them will be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend," I whispered to her.

"P-Please do!"

...I meant it as a joke.

 **Part 3**

"So, what is it that you wished to discuss, Satou-san?"

The chief's study was lined with shelves filled with thick books. The king's study was much larger and had a more varied collection, but I was sure that the Crimson Demons had some unique literature not available elsewhere.

There was a tall oaken desk next to an open window overlooking the village. The chief came over to the window and closed it, snuffing the inflow of a cool breeze.

"I want to talk about the Devil King army," I said, not wasting time. "I learned from Megumin that these attacks are not all that unusual for you guys, but, I was actually sent here by the King of Belzerg, King Joethaneal, as well as a...um, a powerful scryer. They have reason to believe that the home of the Crimson Demons are in great danger…"

No need to go into deep detail about Vanir's involvement, even though he was the one who kick started this whole thing.

"...Although I didn't notice anything unusual about the attack two days ago, there's no reason to doubt your claim. I'd like to thank you for your warning, however, I don't see what further adjustments we need to make in our defenses, even if the attacks will be more severe from now on. I know that it doesn't really seem like it, but we are always on the lookout for outsider attacks, and we have hidden sentries everywhere."

"I see," I said. "So Buzucoily-san had been telling the truth about his 'patrolling' duties. Megumin owes him an apology."

"...Actually, no. Buzucoily-kun is just a NEET who loiters around the village."

Why did I get my hopes up for that guy?

I could see the chief's reasoning, though. If their defensive systems were already at its optimal level, then what was the point in altering it? As Vanir's scrying power was blocked by a powerful individual, he couldn't provide any specifics aside from warning us of a 'great danger', and without knowing exactly what this danger was, there was little we could do.

At this point, all we do was wait for an attack and counter appropriately.

"Regardless, with our power, and with your party's presence, I think that it will all turn out fine! And even if we lose, as long as we look cool in the process, then it's definitely worth it! I'd like you to hear one of our favorite sayings, Satou-san. 'Looking Cool is more important than Winning.' We try to live by those words, Satou-san, we really do."

I couldn't help but really worry about this village.

With my meeting with the chief concluded, I resumed with my other business of import, finding a place to stay.

I followed the directions Yuiyui-san gave me.

Along the way, I was greeted by passing Crimson Demons in the usual way. But, after introducing themselves, they wouldn't continue the conversation past that point and resume with their business.

These guys just really liked introducing themselves in that grandiose fashion, I noticed.

"Across the bakery, turn at the Coin Laundry, and then...ah, there it is."

I came across a two story house. It was no mansion, but it was an upper middle class house.

I knocked on the door.

"Coming~!"

Opening the door was yet another young looking and beautiful mother. She had her hair tied in a ponytail, wore a red choker around her neck, and had an apron over a black casual dress.

The genetics of the Crimson Demons, especially with the women, were outstanding.

Every Crimson Demon woman I've encountered so far, in terms of looks alone, would have been on the level of idols and actresses back in Japan.

When it came to personality, however…

"I am Sakunori! Number One Housewife of the Crimson Demons! One who has mastered Advanced Magic!"

...They were like that.

I told her that I was looking to rent a couple of rooms, and that Yuiyui-san sent me.

"Ah...your features, I knew that I've seen you from somewhere! If Yuiyui-san sent you, then you must have come here with that Megumin-chan. You must be Satou Kazuma-sama!"

She ushered me in, and as I took off my shoes, she commented on them.

"Those are some peculiar footwear, Satou-sama…"

The replicas of the N*ke sneakers, my 'Boots' of Speed, usually caught the eye of the people of this world.

"T-This is a shoe from my homeland, a far away country…"

I said that, even though I bought these shoes from a shop in Axel.

"A stranger from a mysterious land…ah, my Crimson Demon sensibilities are tingling!"

I was starting to really grow tired of the mannerisms of these people.

"Hold on, Satou-sama, let me call my daughter. Oi, Funifura, come down here for a second!"

The voice of a teenage girl replied from upstairs.

"What is it, mama? I'm busy trying to give Somahiko-kun a bath! Hehe, come to the bath with onee-chan, Somahiko-kun..."

I shuddered. Another one of _those_ appeared.

"Get down here you bro-con! I want you to interact with a man that is not your little brother, you bro-con! Then maybe you'll lose those bro-con tendencies of yours! Bro-con!"

"Stop it with the 'bro-con', already!"

Please don't just decide to use me as a means for behavior correction, I thought.

This Funifura girl eventually came downstairs.

Her hair was still wet as she came down from the bath, and the only thing she was wearing was an oversized black T-shirt with a skull design.

"What man could you possibly be talking about, mama?! The only men in this village are all in their forties and married! And one of the rare bachelors we have is that suspicious Buzucoily-san who always comes to Komekko-chan's house to play! Geez! I wish that someday, a decent man would come to the village and…"

When she finally reached the foot of the stairs, she locked eyes with me and her face became pale.

She pulled the hem of her shirt down, to cover her bare legs.

Sakunori-san turned to me. "Satou-sama, this is my daughter Funifura. As you can see, she has very smooth and beautiful legs."

"...Mama, I hate you so much," Funifura said, as she sobbed tears of humiliation.

 **Part 4**

"T-These are the two rooms we have available..."

Two rooms with one queen-sized mattress each.

Darkness and Megumin could room together, while I could room with Aqua.

"I see. I'll take it. Do I have to pay a down payment?"

"N-No, as long as you pay the rent after your stay."

Funifura was left in charge of giving me a tour of the house, while Sakunori-san attended to the lunch she was in the middle of cooking, before I arrived.

This time, Funifura was fully clothed and her wet hair was wrapped in a towel.

This girl, who was not used to the company of guys around her age, was putting up a valiant effort, even attempting to make eye-contact when we spoke.

I surveyed the dimensions of the room, all the while thinking about the possible property damage Aqua or the clumsy Darkness could inflict, and how much money I needed to set aside for the repair fees. As I did so, Funifura asked me a question that I should have expected would be asked of me, based on an overarching theme that had been developing recently.

"S-So, you are Megumin's boyfriend, right?"

Yes, I should have seen it coming. That thematic thread of my supposed relationship with Megumin, ties itself once more in another of my interactions with these predictably unpredictable Crimson Demons.

"Now, where did you get that idea from?" I asked. "From Megumin's mother? Or did I speak in a way that somehow alluded to my apparent relationship with Megumin? What is it, Funifura, tell me!"

She recoiled from my passionate outburst.

"Er, actually, I am Megumin's schoolmate, and she sends me letters from time to time. I don't know how I should say this, but…the description she gave about your relationship, about how you two took a bath together, or about how you casually sexually harass her...I just assumed that your relationship was like _that_."

And why would Megumin feel compelled to share those details with others?!

Was she showing off about having a boyfriend, like Yunyun had?

I needed to set this matter straight!

But, with Funifura, I couldn't come up with a convincing comeback.

Certainly, if viewed from the outside, the interactions between Megumin and I could be interpreted as flirtation.

Somehow, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed in front of Funifura.

"Ahem. This is hard to explain, but although Megumin and I do have a relationship where such instances of intimate skinship occurs, and I feel comfortable enough with her to pull off stunts that could be interpreted as 'sexual harassment', I assure you that there is nothing to it more than that…"

"I-I see. So even though you two are not in an official relationship, you still do this and that…"

"!"

I just realized my mistake.

I made it seem like Megumin and I had some sort of 'friends with benefits' arrangement!

As I was about to continue dispelling this mistaken notion, however, I felt a peculiar vibration echoing throughout the house.

I thought of it as a non-event, some kind of quirk in the structure, but Funifura had an alarmed look on her face.

"Satou-san, I recognize these tremors. Quick, we need to evacuate. Follow me."

Caught along with Funifura's sudden authoritative attitude, I followed her downstairs.

Sakunori-san met us. She handed Funifura a staff and she held one herself.

"Satou-san, are you armed at all?" Funifura asked.

I was wearing casual clothes and no armor. I didn't have my partner and my bow and arrows with me, but I always kept a hidden dagger in a hidden seam in my pants.

I took out the dagger and showed Funifura.

"...Better than nothing. We must gather in the town square. Follow us. In case we are attacked on the way, Satou-san, please provide support, but leave the fighting to those with proper equipment."

The chief wasn't exaggerating about the villagers' preparedness. Already, fully armed Crimson Demons were vacating their homes and heading to the town square.

Along the way, Funifura met up with two friends of hers named Dodonko and Arue. I noticed that Arue had the same eye patch as Megumin's.

"Oh, I gave Megumin that eye patch as a graduation gift," Arue explained.

"And Funifura and I gifted Megumin with her magic staff!" Dodonko said. "C-Come to think if it, Megumin defeated the Devil King using the staff we gave her, right? I can't help but feel really honored and touched…"

"...As if that self-involved Megumin would be thinking of us at such a moment," Funifura said. "I bet she was singing praises for herself as she was casting Explosion on the Devil King."

They knew Megumin so well.

"By the way," Arue said. "Did you happen to run into Yunyun on the way to the village, Kazuma-kun?"

"Ah, yes, I did."

"I see. So she received my letter. I can't wait to hear what she thinks of my new novella…"

She called me by my first name so casually, even adding "-kun", despite the three year age gap between us.

Come to think of it, this Arue was even more 'developed' than that Yunyun!

I had come across another dangerous individual.

As we were chatting, there was another tremor on the ground.

"What's causing the tremors?" I asked.

It was the seemingly knowledgeable Arue who answered, "The sheer size of the Devil King army as they march to the village causes these tremors."

I couldn't imagine the size of the contingent we were about to face.

"However, since there is a forest filled with tough monsters around us, the Devil King army usually arrives to the village while already sustaining heavy damage, and we easily finish them off. And if they set up camp outside of the forest, we can just snipe at them from afar with spells. In short, the Devil King Army's constant attacks are nothing more than a way for us to relieve stress, so please rest assured."

These guys were frighteningly capable.

I had a feeling that, if this village full of Advanced Magic users were more motivated, the Devil King would have been dealt with a long time ago.

In fact, it seemed that it was only Megumin and Yunyun who took adventuring seriously, and even the poor excuse of a mage Megumin, who could only cast one spell a day, was more than enough to defeat the Devil King.

I understood why the home of the Crimson Demons was a place of interest to all sides of the spectrum, both to the king, and the Devil King army.

"But, even if meet them head on," Arue continued, "the victory will still fall to us…"

She just raised a flag, there.

"L-Look out! At the sky!"

A Crimson Demon girl, another really attractive one (seriously, what was up with their genes?!), pointed to the sky.

We all followed her gaze.

"!"

At the sky were Giant Wide-Winged Cheepers, but the sight of them, while quite unusual around these parts, wouldn't have raised our concerns.

But in the talons of these birds, hanging on like they were flying a glider, were soldiers from the Devil King army!

 **Part 5**

Swooping to us, almost diving, the Cheepers drew closer to ground.

Then they unlatched their talons and released their passengers!

With a war cry, the Devil King army soldiers rapidly approached the ground. But, as they seemed to fall to their certain dooms, a voice echoed through the open air…

"Feather Fall!"

Just ten feet before landing, the laws of gravity were circumvented, and the soldiers slowed to an almost serene descent.

"Hah! The Tremors were just a feint! A minor earth spell! Didn't expect us to attack from the sky, did you? Archers, draw your arrows!"

From the same voice, likely amplified with magic, came this command. A portion of the soldiers, as they fell in slow motion, drew a bow and notched an arrow.

"Satou-san, get behind us!" Funifura ordered.

I did as I was told, seeing as I was more of a liability out there, than anything, with all these Arch-Wizards around.

"Everyone, cast Protection from Arrows!"

With everyone's efforts, a force field large enough to contain us all, was erected, deflecting the multitude of arrows.

"Good call, Funifura," Arue said. "Now, someone cast the Message spell to the chief and call for…"

As Arue issued commands, the voice cackled menacingly.

"And I thought Crimson Demons were smart. Laaaaame. Quick, while they are all still casting Protection from Arrows, casters, do your thing!"

As the soldiers all wore dark cloaks instead of distinguishable armor, it was hard to classify their roles in battle.

We neglected the possibility of the presence of other casters aside from the one who used Feather Fall.

That voice...that feminine voice cackling in glee...had considered everything while orchestrating this attack.

This wasn't just any ordinary tactician.

The sky was covered by the various spells rapidly descending upon us.

Now, I could use Expeditious Retreat on myself, and combined with my Boots of Speed, I could survive.

But, running on my own, even though it was the logical thing to do, was exactly what a Scum-zuma would do.

At this situation, though, the best thing I could do was grab the person nearest to me, and try to leave the area of impact together.

That wasn't much better than running by myself.

At this point, though…

My options were severely limited!

As I made to grab the person nearest to me, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I got you, Satou-sama. Teleport!"

There was that sensation of being pulled through space.

From the streets of the residential area, I was transported to a large gathering of Crimson Demons. This was the town square.

I looked to the one who teleported me, Rain.

"Rain, there are others…!" I began to say.

But I noticed the light of teleportation magic flashing around us. Arue, Funifura, Dodonko, and the rest, were teleported by other members of the Crimson Demon clan.

"Thanks," Arue said, to the girl who saved her. "I don't think we could have casted Teleport in time while we still had Protection from Arrows active."

"I guess this isn't the time to be acting cool, huh?" The girl said. "I wanted to make a cool entrance before saving you, but there was hardly any time for that."

"At least we got them with the old teleportation trick, though," Arue said. "That always seems to annoy them."

"Oh, so you thought that I wouldn't consider your pesky Teleportation, too, huh?"

Emerging out of another flash of bright light, above us, still floating in the air, was the Devil King army.

I looked for the source of the voice, but with all of them wearing the same uniform, it was too hard to pinpoint.

"You were all in the middle of casting offensive spells!" Arue said, amplifying her voice with the same spell. "How did you use Teleport in such quick succession?!"

"Duh," the mysterious leader said, "Teleportation scrolls, baby! And just try and cast spells at this close range, dummies! You'll end up killing yourselves before we even get to you!"

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that! Magic Missile!"

Arue used a single target attack instead of a big, powerful one, in order to avoid getting us caught up in it.

"Magic Barrier!"

The enemy casters easily countered the attack.

"Laaaaame. Like, tots laaaaame."

This taunting was getting annoying.

"Everyone, let's retreat for now!" Arue yelled. "Use teleport!"

"Not so fast! Troops E to I, do your thing!" commanded the leader.

"Planar Binding!"

Spiritual chains ensnared each of us, anchoring us to this dimension.

So, no Teleportation, or spells similar to it.

"...No matter! Let's do this the old fashioned way. Ruuuuun!"

"Way ahead of you! Troops L to Q, go!"

"Barricade! Magic Barrier!"

A wall of black steel, layered over with a transparent barrier, surrounded us. Funifura casted Light of Saber, in an attempt to cut through the metal, but the spell fizzled upon making contact with the barrier.

I used Farsight on the enemy casters and saw that they were all using Manatite crystals and magic rings similar to those that Megumin had purchased from that magic item store, which drastically enhanced magical power.

So that was how they could match the prowess of the Crimson Demons.

They were prepared for everything.

Their archers rained arrows upon us, but the Crimson Demons created a Protection from Arrows barrier on the opening of the Barricade wall.

"We're going to land soon! Let's see how you mages deal with good old fashioned close quarters combat!

With another war cry, the warrior types of the Devil King army drew their concealed weapons from their cloaks.

At this rate, the army would reach us in just two minutes, tops.

But this was no time to panic.

I looked to Rain. "Did you come here with the others?"

"Yes! They're somewhere here...ah! I see Darkness...I mean, Dustiness-sama!"

I had a plan.

And the primary component was Darkness's participation.

"Darkness, come here, pronto!"

The crowd parted for Darkness.

"Kazuma! I'm glad that you're safe…!"

"Yeah, yeah. Now, stay there for a second."

I regarded the crowd.

"Does anyone here know the spell, Feather Fall?"

Several people raised their hands up, including Rain.

I chose Rain. I intended to ask her in the first place, but I didn't want to waste time asking one person when I could ask several.

"Rain, when I yell the number '1!', cast Feather Fall on Darkness. Darkness, when I yell '2!' use your Decoy skill. Don't ask questions for now, just please trust me!"

They both nodded.

I regarded the crowd again.

"All of you! Prepare your most accurate, single target spells! No AoE's. Focus on accuracy, not power. Follow Arue's example and use a spell like Magic Missile. And fire at one soldier of your choice when I yell '3'. Got it?"

I received multiple 'Rogers!'.

"OK. Now spread out in a circle, everyone. Form an empty space in the middle."

Even though they didn't understand my intentions, they all carried out my orders.

While this was happening, I saw Aqua and Megumin spreading out with the crowd.

"Wait! You two, I need you!"

They came to my side.

"I'm all ears, Kazuma," Megumin said.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, what do you need me to do?"

I wished that they had always been this compliant to my orders.

I looked at each of them. "Listen, I know that you two are the prideful sort, but the roles I have for you...is something that would definitely go against your principles. Are you OK with that?"

They were uneasy, but eventually nodded.

"Megumin, don't use Explosion. Aqua, I need to use Drain Touch on you to absorb your mana."

I thought for sure that they would argue, but they only smiled and nodded.

"You always have everyone's best interest in mind," Megumin said. "For your sake, I will control my raging instincts."

"I know that I'm not exactly the smartest, but that's why I keep you around, Kazuma! I'll leave the planning to you, but in exchange, I want you to count on me more often!"

I couldn't help but become touched by their words.

I placed my hand on the back of Aqua's neck, the best spot to draw mana, and casted Drain Touch.

As I did so, I mentally prepared myself for what was to come.

My heart was beating so fast that it hurt.

I had never commanded so much people before.

The pressure of having personal responsibility over these many lives was astronomical!

Come on, Kazuma.

Isn't everyone saying that you're a good strategist, or whatever?!

Time to put one of your only redeeming qualities to work!

I had these thoughts to encourage myself, as I waited for the perfect timing to execute my plan.

The soldiers, as they fell, began to pan out. Just as I expected, they were ordered to take us out one at a time.

After all, no one could handle taking on two Arch-Wizards at the same time.

A gap began to form in the middle of their formation as they copied the circle we arranged ourselves in.

"Haha! Take this, you rotten Crimson Demons!" The voice taunted. "You guys have been a pain in my ass for the longest time! For all the stupid shit you guys put me through...this is revenge, you hear me?! Revenge!"

Just what did the Crimson Demons do to piss this person off so much?!

I took my hand off of Aqua's neck. I was buzzing with the mana of a goddess.

This was more than enough.

I took a deep, calming breath.

"1!"

Rain laid her hands on Darkness.

"Featherfall!"

Without wasting time, I went over to Darkness who was now as light as a feather, and carried her over my head. I ran with her to the center of the circle.

"2!"

"Decoy!"

As Darkness used Decoy, I gathered all of Aqua's mana in my lungs.

"Wind Breath!"

I unleashed my most powerful Wind Breath thus far on Darkness's weightless body. She was propelled at a fast pace onto the air, screaming as she ascended.

"Kazuuuumaaaaaa?!"

She shot through the gap in the soldier's formation. With the Decoy skill active, all of the soldiers eyes turned to Darkness.

With their attention fixated on Darkness, the enemy casters couldn't counter our spells.

And most importantly, their tactician was distracted.

Now was our time to attack!

"3!"

The Crimson Demons unleashed their spells.

"Eldritch Blast!"

"Magic Missile!"

"Ray of Frost!"

"Acid Arrow!"

Some spells hit the same soldier, as the attacks were not coordinated, but with this large gathering of the Arch-Wizards here, although we didn't have the entire village in assembly, there was more than enough spells to go around for every soldier.

Still descending slowly, bodies hung limp in mid air, some injured, some unconscious, some dead. After that barrage, there was hardly anyone left who could so much as draw their weapon when they finally landed.

And with all this devastation...

"...I see. So _you're_ here, among this rotten lot."

That feminine voice, again.

In the midst of bodies drifting to the ground like leaves in autumn, was a single figure in the uniform black cloak.

They pulled the hood of the cloak back.

Red hair, pale skin, and black horns.

Bat-like wings stretched out from under the cloak.

And a crimson armor was revealed underneath.

"Just as well," she said. "Everyone I owe a serving of vengeance to has conveniently gathered in one place. Lucky me! Kukuku!"

As she cackled, with a shimmer of bright light, she vanished.

"Kazumaaaaaaaaaa!"

And from the distance, we could still hear Darkness screaming.

The Crimson Demons started cheering. The wall around us began to crumble. There were friends hugging and couples kissing.

I gave Megumin a high five. "As always, good job, Kazuma," she said.

"Thanks for holding it in."

"...I'm not as impulsive as my reputation might imply."

As I was about to thank Aqua for allowing me to use a Lich skill on her, I saw that she was looking at me with a confused look.

"Hey, Kazuma, your strategy was cool and all, but why didn't you just ask me to use Sacred Break Spell on the Barricade and Magic Barrier? We could have teleported away, at that point. Then we wouldn't have had to go through all this trouble."

At the very last moment, Aqua reminded me of something important.

But, I didn't want to feel like I wasted all that effort for nothing.

"Fufu. Haven't you heard that Crimson Demon saying, Aqua?"

I struck a flamboyant pose.

"Looking Cool is more important than Winning!"

 **Chapter 7 END**

 **Next Chapter: Infiltration as a Masked Devil!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Infiltration as a Masked Devil!**

 **Part 1**

"Say it again, Satou-sama!"

"L-Looking Cool is more important than Winning…"

"He totally gets it!"

After the battle I found myself in the bar, celebrating with the Crimson Demons who fought in the battle against the Devil King army.

I was treated with drinks by the Crimson Demons in exchange for me repeating that embarrassing line for their own personal amusement.

Beside me was Megumin, who had been attempting to drink the gifts of alcohol set before me on the table. I stopped her attempts as she was still too young to drink.

She placed an arm around my shoulders and spoke with a joyous glitter in her eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, Kazuma! Not only are you already an accomplished Explosion sommelier, but you have now also captured the essence of what it means to be a Crimson Demon! Fantastic! Truly fantastic! I will drink this beer in honor of your ascension from ordinary mortal to a glorious Crimson Demon!"

I snatched the mug of beer she was about to bring to her lips, and as a result, some of it spilled on her robes. She looked down at the robes, as if contemplating whether or not she was desperate enough to extract the beer from the soaked fabric.

"W-Well, I wouldn't want this beer to go to waste…"

She puckered her lips and made to bring the fabric to her mouth.

I've witnessed someone hitting the lowest of lows.

"Don't worry, Kazuma, I've got this!"

Aqua shot an arm passed me, her extended fingers almost poking out my eyes. A blue light flashed from her hands.

"Ah! The alcohol! It's all gone!"

"Fufu. While it doesn't work on human beings, as seen previously with Darkness, my Evaporation skill has finally made its proper debut!"

Darkness, who was sulkily drinking beer across from us, didn't hesitate to comment.

"...If only it could've made a 'proper debut' when I needed it most, during that incident in the arena. Then again, most of Aqua's powers don't have any real application outside of parlor tricks, anyways."

"Erk!"

Darkness, who was launched at least a hundred feet in the air, retrieved later once I had the Crimson Demons use Dispel Magic on her, was in a hostile mood, not only to me, but to everyone who managed to attract her scorn, which was not all that difficult a feat.

"Snap out of it, Darkness! It's Kazuma's job to sulk in the corner whenever something doesn't go his way, and taking his stress out on other people by throwing out snarky insults at them."

Megumin said this as she inspected her shirt for even a hint of alcoholic moisture.

"I see. So this is how you all see me. I've noticed that you lot don't have any gratitude whatsoever to the great me who is single handedly carrying this party. I see how it is. Well, then, I will relocate to that corner over there where Megumin's very attractive schoolmates have all gathered."

As I walked away, Megumin shouted after me, "Thank you for proving my point!"

I made my way to Megumin's schoolmates, but I was hindered in my confident advance when the village chief pulled me by the arm, and had me sit in his table filled with men around his age. I noticed, seated in this table, as well, was Hyoizaburo-san.

"Kazu-nyaaan~" drawled the drunk chief. "We couldn't have *hic* done it without you!"

I pulled away from his hand, as his grip strength exceeded what you'd expect an older man with a mage profession would possess.

"No, no, I just got caught along with the flow. No need for thanks! Now, if you'll excuse me…"

As I stood, I was yanked by my cape and forcefully returned to my seat.

"Now, now, Kazu-chwwaaaan~, no need to be shyyyyy~*hic*"

He proceeded to run his hand through the small of my back.

He was treating me like some kind of hostess in a cheap club!

"Freeze!"

Using a minimal output, I directed a frosty breeze from my finger to the chief's neck. He went 'eek!' before looking at me, and looking to the others. "Huh? What was I doing?"

"Please forgive the chief, Satou-san," Hyoizoburo-san said. "He sobers as quickly as he gets drunk."

This chief must be a pain to hang out with.

"Oh, Satou-san, you're here. Good, I meant to talk to you."

He shifted into a business mood so easily after having just molested me earlier.

"Excellent work in subverting the enemy's attacks, Satou-san. We have yet to encounter an attack from the Devil King army executed with the tactical complexity we've seen today. We believe that this 'mysterious tactician is responsible for this drastic overhaul in the enemy's military operations…"

"No, sorry, due to that disturbing side of you I witnessed earlier, it's hard to take you seriously."

"Eh? What do you mean? Wait, Satou-san, please don't go!"

In the end, I was made to stay with these old men.

"Satou-san, allow me to introduce you to the village's war council…"

Hyoizoburo-san, the failed magic item craftsman...

Tomigakuyo-san, the village drunkard...

Hikokujo-san, the 45 year old NEET…

For some reason, the 'war council' was occupied by losers.

"Don't look at me like that, Satou-san. Despite how they usually are, these three men are this village's top military strategists."

"Generals prosper when there is war, and shrivel into societal redundancy in times of peace," Tomigakuyo-san, said, as he poured himself a shot of Blue-Goose vodka. "It is time for us 'failures' to once again prosper."

When I thought about it, before I was sent to this world to combat the Devil King, I was nothing but an irrelevant NEET.

"I see that flash of recognition in your eyes," he said, as he poured me a shot of vodka. "You are one of us, Kazuma-dono."

I accepted the shot and downed it.

As I was a lightweight, and I already had several beers earlier, I was now several degrees of drunk, that state when everything and everyone seemed to have twins of themselves swimming around in your vision.

"Now, the war council's first order of business is determining the identity of that mysterious tactician…"

As I had the Farsight skill, I was able to observe the mysterious tactician's features.

Red hair, crimson armor, bat-like wings, horns.

I described these features to the 'War Council'.

"It could be a relative of the Devil King, or something," I said.

Her features resembled the Devil King's appearance, even right down to the crimson colored armor.

"Ah, those physical traits, that must be the Devil King's daughter."

"Yes, from the way you described this individual, it must certainly be the Devil King's daughter. Yes."

Tomigakuyo-san and Hikokujo-san seemed oddly confident about their speculations.

I remembered Buzucoily-san mentioning a magical telescope that could see as far as the Devil King's castle, but was primarily used by lonely men to peep on the room of the Devil King's daughter.

I started to wonder if the Devil King's daughter, with that powerful scryer in her employ, eventually sensed that there were multiple creeps from the Crimson Demon village peeping on her.

Maybe that was what she meant by 'vengeance'.

She wanted payback on these idiots.

And I just so happened to be here, too, the guy who killed her father, which must've been quite the serendipitous discovery for her.

I was one of the two birds to her one stone.

But this bird would fly at the slightest sign of danger!

"I just remembered that my party and I have something to attend to...somewhere else. We will be packing our bags and leaving immediately. Thank you for your hospitality."

"Eh?! What's with the sudden change in attitude? Satou-san?!"

 **Part 2**

My party heard what I announced and followed me out.

"Kazuma, were you serious back there? Why did you decide to leave all of a sudden?!" Darkness said. "Don't tell me that you wish to abandon these people in need?!"

The only real 'need' these idiots had was the 'need' in special needs.

"Meh. I don't feel bad about leaving, in fact, the quicker the better!" Aqua said. "The beer here tastes weird and it's colored red for whatever reason, and whenever I attempted to proselytize to a Crimson Demon, they kept saying that they were already in a karmic bond with evil gods or ancient spirits or eldritch entities, or whatever. I just don't get these guys!"

For once, I could share the same perspective as Aqua.

Though, that Crimson Demon beer was surprisingly good. The spicy flavor was an unexpected, yet palatable touch.

But I could agree with everything else.

"Well, aside from my family, I have no emotional connection to this place, or any place, really. I'm an eternal vagabond, drifting about from all corners of the world, like a crimson wind…"

This place had really amped up Megumin's chuunibyou powers, which was yet another reason to leave.

"Let's find Rain to teleport us out of here," I said. "Where is that girl, anyways?"

By coincidence, I heard Rain's voice from the street across from ours.

But, I wasn't even sure if this girl I was seeing was indeed Rain, at first.

She was walking beside a blushing Buzucoily-san, and she was rather touchy-feely with him.

No, more than that, her clothing…

"Oh, isn't that Satou-sama and everyone else?"

Crap. She saw us.

Holding Buzucoily-san's hand, Rain crossed the street in a hurry to approach us.

"Well?" she asked, gesturing to her ensemble. "What do you think?"

A bad dye job on her hair, as she attempted to dye it black. She also wore red colored contact lenses, which she was clearly unaccustomed to, as ske kept blinking and there was a pool of moisture gathering underneath her eyelids. And her outfit...replacing her Orthodox robes was a black overcoat, and she wore the Crimson Demon stylistic standard of a leather choker and fingerless gloves.

I was thinking, please don't do the introduction, please don't do the introduction…

"I am Rain! Number One Mage in Princess Iris' personal guard! One who has mastered the Intermediate rank in Offensive, Abjuration, Conjuration, and Teleportation magic! I am known as the 'Multi-Master' because of…"

I tuned her out.

She had already been corrupted by this place.

Yet another reason to leave. The insanity was contagious.

I grabbed her by the choker.

"Oi, wake up, Rain! Weren't you supposed to be the most normal person in the group?! What kind of twisted ideas did these Crimson Demons put in your head, for you to be acting this way?! We're getting outta here before your condition gets worse! Teleport us back to the capital!"

I would disappoint the king for pulling out so early, for sure, but I didn't have any more left in me to endure another day in this awful village.

No wonder why the Devil King's daughter was so pissed.

It'd be better if this crazy place ceased existing in this world!

"Eh?! T-Teleport back?! Why would Satou-sama want to leave this amazing place?! Try to convince him, Bufudyne-san!"

This Crimson Demon Weeaboo couldn't even pronounce the native names and yet she was already so emotionally invested in this place.

Buzucoily-san pulled me to the side, to have a private word.

"Kazuma-kun, please listen to a fellow NEET's request. I probably won't get another chance at this, so please let Rain-san stay here for a bit longer. For some reason, she finds my presence not only tolerable, but even pleasurable. Please, don't take this chance away from me. This is the once in a lifetime chance that the gods gift to losers like us. If I don't take it, then I might as well say hello to a lifetime of virginity."

Certainly, it did seem like there was a good mood around Buzucoily and Rain, and there was clear enough interest and some hint of physical attraction, as Rain was oh-so casually holding Buzucoily-san's arms, and pushing her body up onto him…

No, even as an inexperienced virgin, I could tell that there was definitely some attraction there.

Even so, it would be preposterous to sacrifice my own best interests just so Buzucoily-san could eventually, maybe, get lucky.

"No means no. And I'm sure you and Rain can work out a long distance relationship of some sort."

"Long distance?! Are you kidding me?! The only reason she's interested in me in the first place is because I'm the first exciting foreigner she encountered from a culture she had always been interested in! This situational attraction is bound to diminish at any point in time! If I let her go now, she will eventually lose interest in me and she'll meet some hot guy in the capital and the next time I'll see her, she'll already be three months pregnant with another man's child! Gaaaaah!"

This was the self-torture insecure guys go through when women inexplicably enter into their lives.

Deciding that there was nothing more I could do for him, I left Buzucoily-san to wallow in his own neuroticism as I regrouped with my party.

"Listen, Rain, if you want to stay so badly, you can always Teleport back after dealing with us. But for now, please return us to the capital."

And my reasoning was, if the Crimson Demons required our assistance in the face of a dire emergency, they could always send Rain or someone to come and retrieve us.

"...That sounds reasonable. I don't intend to stay here forever...but, at least for a little while…"

She looked to Buzucoily-san, who was ranting to himself where I left him.

We all held hands and gathered in a circle. Rain took a deep breath. She was looking quite nervous, as one would expect after the horrible ordeal we went through the last time we did a Group Teleport.

"Well, then...is everyone ready?"

"Wait," Aqua said. "Just in case we get trapped in stasis again, let me keep my facial expression neutral. I don't want to have a weird look on my face for all of eternity. That would be…"

Ignoring Aqua, Rain said, "Teleport!"

A magic circle formed on the ground below us, but as the mana started to gather, the formation collapsed. "That's strange," Rain said. "I'll try again. Teleport!"

This time, the circle didn't even form.

"Rain-san, are you having trouble, there?"

Eager to impress, Buzucoily-san was quick to offer his services. Rain explained her difficulty with the Teleport spell, and Buzucoily-san agreed to try it out himself.

"Teleport! Eh…?"

His attempt was a failure as well.

"I-I wonder what it could be?" Rain said.

"Maybe that Ethereal Realm or whatever has reached its full capacity. It's travel season, after all."

This helpful commentary was added by none other than Aqua.

"Hold on, I have a suspicion," Megumin said. "Our opponents have shown themselves capable of using the Planar Binding spell. It would not be strange to assume that they also have casters who can use Dimensional Anchor, which belongs in the Advanced Abjuration branch."

Megumin explained that Dimensional Anchor was an AoE spell that could affect one designated area, and anyone within the afflicted area at the time of casting would be restricted from performing or being the recipient of a spell or any such magical effect that involves the traversing of one plane of existence to another, i.e. any spell in the Teleportation branch.

"So you're knowledgeable about schools of magic outside the esoteric spectrum of Explosion magic. Color me impressed," I said.

"I'll color you with your own blood if you keep speaking to me in such a condescending way," Megumin said.

"This is probably the Devil King Army's doing," Darkness said. "Kuh! They are so resourceful! I wonder if they are as creative in their interrogation and torture methods, as they are in the principles of warfare. But, even if they catch me, and torture me for information, rest assured that I will hold steadfast and…!"

As Darkness went off on her usual spiel, Aqua spoke up.

"Oi, Kazuma, let me just remind you, before you forget again, that I can use Sacred Break Spell. I can easily take care of this anchor thingy if you let me!"

"No can do, Aqua. Dimensional Anchor is a magical construct that exists in the Ethereal Realm while simultaneously intervening with the physical realm. Unless we can somehow unroot the construct from the Ethereal Realm, we must either wait for the spell to naturally expire, or find the casters and have them deactivate the spell."

Aqua came up with a seemingly viable idea, but Megumin immediately shot her down.

"I don't get it," Darkness said. "Can't we just leave through the forest?"

The forest where high-levelled monsters like the One-shot Bear and Grey Wolves were only at the mid-tier of the local hierarchy, Darkness suggested that we go through a place like that.

At this point, it would be shameless to ask the Crimson Demons to escort us through the forest, and doing so would be ill advised, in the first place, as the Devil King's daughter would take this opportunity to attack us in a disadvantageous environment.

I heaved a heavy sigh. Going up against someone strategically competent, for once, proved to be a troublesome task, the enormity of which I couldn't have anticipated.

I found it strange how the daughter of that supposed Devil King, who we easily defeated after we found him playing around with the panties the girls left out to dry, could prove to be such a capable person. Here's an example of genealogy's overstatement in the worth of a person.

As we didn't have much of a choice, and all our escape routes were blocked, I announced that we would stay in the village and help the Crimson Demons fight. The only way to get out without going on a suicide rush to the forest was to deal with the Devil King army. And the best way to do so was to team up with the OP Crimson Demons, who weren't good for much else outside of their sheer combative superiority.

"Ah, Satou-sama went out to rent rooms for us earlier, didn't he?" Rain said. "So, what are our arrangements like?"

In Funifura's house, they had two rooms for rent, and each room had a queen sized mattress.

The arrangements I had in mind where Darkness and Megumin rooming with each other, and Aqua and I rooming with...each...other…

"..."

I had completely forgotten about Rain.

I was not used to inputting Rain in my calculations for room accommodations, and things of the like. However, I did not want to offend Rain by telling her that I had forgotten about her altogether, and I certainly didn't want to degrade my reputation, which was tainted with my allegedly 'unforgivable' conduct towards women, to a state lower than it already was.

"Actually, in consideration for you ladies, I have rented a room at a different venue. Megumin, I'm sure you know where Funifura's house is located. That is where you girls will stay."

Rain seemed to be impressed by my gentlemanly conduct. Darkness nodded her approval, and Aqua gave me a pat on the back and said, "You're not so bad after all, Scum-zuma!"

However, there was one perceptive girl I could not deceive.

"...You forgot about Rain-san, didn't you?" Megumin said.

I was caught red handed.

 **Part 3**

"So as you can see, this guy here is an idiot. Please let him have a room for the night," Megumin said.

"Y-Yeah, there's no problem," Yunyun said.

We were at the chief's house. Megumin sent Buzucoily-san to escort the girls to Funifura's house, while she accompanied me to the chief's estate. I had resolved myself to sleep on the streets as I didn't want to embarrass myself any further, but Megumin would have none of it.

And so here we were, begging Yunyun for a place to sleep.

"A-Actually, now that Megumin is here also, perhaps we can have a slumber party, like we used to!"

Yunyun offered this with much more confidence than I was used to seeing from her.

"...What are these lies you're making, Yunyun? When have we ever had a slumber party?"

Yunyun, who had just been so enthusiastic in making that suggestion, deflated at Megumin's scathing words.

I chopped Megumin on the head. "Oi, this is your chance to make up with Yunyun. You two have been having a lover's spa...I mean, some problems with your completely platonic friendship, right? This is your chance to clear the tension."

Yunyun looked to me in gratitude, and then looked to Megumin to see her reaction.

"No matter how you look at it, it's Yunyun's fault that things are awkward between us, right? She suddenly showed up and started blabbering on about 'losing to me as a rival and as a woman', or whatever. And plus she did something creepy like getting the same haircut as me…"

"I wasn't intentionally trying to copy Megumin's hair style, OK?! I just wanted an image change, and the end result just so happened to be this way!"

The two continued to bicker for awhile until Megumin eventually relented to stay. Her reason was that it was already late and she was too lazy to go all the way to Funifura's house.

"So, don't get the wrong idea, Yunyun," she said. "I'm only staying because of a necessity."

"O-Ok, Megumin! Now, you didn't bring any sleepwear, did you? Let's see, you can use some of my older ones, though they might be too big for you…"

She was being all tsundere about it, but Megumin and Yunyun once again rekindled their roman...I mean, friendship.

The chief was already knocked out in his room, said Yunyun, who had to drag her intoxicated father all the way to his room, as she didn't know the Teleport spell yet...well, not like she could use it with Dimensional Anchor in effect.

"Um, Kazuma-san, sorry, but I couldn't find any unoccupied rooms," Yunyun said, after looking around the house. "I figured that the spare guest room would be sufficient, but I had forgotten that my father started using that room to store unused equipment…"

"It's no big deal," Megumin said. "He can just sleep in my parents' room."

"I'm more than willing to join this slumber party, though…"

"...Just go to my parents' room right now, you perv."

Leaving the girls, I headed to the room I was delegated to at the last minute.

The lights were still on inside, which was a relief, as I didn't want to feel guilty over waking them up. I knocked on the door. Yuiyui-san, after a few seconds, opened it.

"Oh! Satou-san! What are you doing here? Did you have trouble finding a place to stay?"

I explained my situation, as vaguely as I could, as I didn't want to embarrass myself needlessly, to Yuiyui-san.

"You're always welcome with us! Come in!"

In the living room, seated around the table, was Hyoizaburo-san fiddling with some an unfinished magic item, and across from him, watching intently, was Komekko.

"Ah, papa. You made a mistake. If you attach that many mana circuits to the elemental enabler, even the most subtle of catalysts will create a violent reaction. And I suggest switching out those one-way directive crystals, they look a bit too big."

"A-Ah. I see. Thanks for the advice as always, Komekko."

I felt sorry for this father who was not only financially reliant on his eldest daughter, but also possessed less talent on his chosen craft compared to his five year old daughter.

More importantly, this little girl was indeed going to be someone great. I was sure of it.

"Ah, Satou-san. You're here. You suddenly left the bar, we were all worried. We were afraid that the chief offended you in some way," Hyoizaburo-san said.

Leaving aside the fact that the chief had molested me while he was drunk, there was also the revelation that these Crimson Demons were to blame for this altercation with the Devil King's daughter.

"Well, in any case, please chat with us for awhile before it's time to sleep."

Not seeing any harm in it, I sat beside Komekko as we watched Hyoizaburo-san work.

I almost didn't sense Yuiyui-san coming up behind me and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"So, Satou-san, coming back to our topic earlier...when do you intend to marry my daughter?"

I immediately regretted ever letting my guard down.

"Yuiyui, are you still on about that?" Hyoizaburo-san said. "Although somewhat instigated by that misunderstanding, I meant what I said about Megumin being a grown-up now. I mean, with all she's done, with all she's accomplished, it would not be appropriate for us to meddle with her life as if she were still a child."

"Oh, I understand all that, dear. But I'm not meddling because of parental reasons...I'm meddling as a woman who only has the best interest of another fellow woman in mind..."

Yuiyui-san smiled knowingly, after having said such cryptic words.

No, they weren't really all that cryptic. It was quite obvious as to what she was referring to.

I was still an inexperienced NEET, though, so unless I had a direct confirmation, I couldn't formulate my own conclusions myself.

I was about to ask Yuiyui-san to elaborate, but at that moment, there was a knock on the door.

"...It's me, Megumin. Yunyun and I started fighting again and I got kicked out of her room. I need to stay the night here."

Lately, it seemed as if probability operated in such a way as to bring about these developments straight out of a rom-com.

Yuiyui-san winked at me before opening the door.

"Oh dear. And what did you and Yunyun-chan fight about, now?"

"Honestly? I don't even know. I was just talking about how I wanted to grow my hair out longer and she completely flipped out on me."

I couldn't tell if those two were close, or not.

"Well, if Megumin intends to stay here, I suppose that our rooming arrangements would need some switching up. Hm, this may prove difficult…"

"...I don't see what's so difficult about it, mother. Komekko and I will sleep in one room, while father and Kazuma sleeps on the other."

"Megumin...my poor Megumin. Perhaps living amongst the city folk have dulled your senses? Can't you tell, as a Crimson Demon, that the narrative is clearly set up as to have you and Satou-san sleep together in the same bed tonight?"

Hyoizoburo-san nearly dropped the item he was working on...no, he did drop it, but Komekko caught it just inches from hitting the ground.

Not that it really mattered. That piece of junk wouldn't sell, anyways.

"Yuiyui?! What are you saying?! This is your daughter you're talking about! Although, my sense for the theatrics as a Crimson Demon do tell me that, in this kind of scenario, due to coincidental but somewhat contrived circumstances, the male and female lead would normally have no choice but to share a bed together..."

"...I can't tell if you're in my side, or what," Megumin said, to Hyoizaburo-san who was conflicted between the two concepts of abiding by his racial traits, as a Crimson Demon, or protecting his daughter, as a father should.

I raised a hand. "I have no problems sleeping with Megumin."

"You don't have any input in this," Megumin told me.

As we were all arguing, Komekko, whose presence I had almost forgotten about, went over to Yuiyui-san. She pulled on the hem of Yuiyui-san's dress.

"I want to sleep with onee-chan," she said.

I remembered that it had already been a year since Megumin left home. Komekko was undoubtedly craving some alone time with her big sister.

"Well, I guess I don't mind rooming with Hyoizaburo-san, then," I said, as I was touched by the sentiments of Komekko.

"... Don't say it as if you're making a compromise. That's the way it should be," Megumin said.

"What a shame," Yuiyui-san said.

Hyoizoburo-san released a relieved sigh.

I thought that this conflict was resolved, but the one who had seemingly resolved it, Komekko, chose not to restore the conflict, but to expand upon it.

"I want to sleep with the new onii-san, too."

"N-No, Komekko, while I'm sure that you're curious about Kazuma, there'll be plenty of chances to play with him tomorrow. But for now, let's sleep together with mother, OK?"

"No, I want to sleep with onee-chan the new onii-san."

"D-Don't be difficult, Komekko!"

Komekko stared blankly into her elder sister's eyes. She looked down at Hyoizaburo-san's magic item, which she had caught earlier, as it fell. She went to work on it, rearranging wires, replacing pieces with the spares laid out on the table.

"W-Wait, this item she's making is…!" Hyoizaburo-san said. "Everyone, get down!"

A beam of energy shot forth from the item, but just as it was about to hit Megumin, it stopped in its trajectory and stabilized.

"...Oh my god…"

This little girl just assembled a freaking Lights*ber.

"I want to sleep with onee-chan and the new onii-san."

None of us could say anything back.

 **Part 4**

As an adolescent boy, I had finally achieved one of my lifetime goals.

I was in a bed with two girls.

Nevermind the fact that one of them, sleeping in the middle of the bed, was a dangerous little girl who had just constructed, and threatened us, with a functioning laser-based weapon that was synonymous to a certain popular sci-fi franchise.

Oh, and the other girl was Megumin. So, it didn't really count.

Komekko was telling a story about a crayfish she caught in a river and how she cooked it as a stew with green onions that she 'borrowed' from a neighbor's backyard. Megumin, to the right of Komekko, was nodding along to Komekko's story, but I doubted that she was actually listening.

Komekko showed no signs of wanting, or needing, to sleep.

By some miracle, however, at least two hours later, Komekko finally ran out of gas. She snored lightly in her sleep.

Megumin looked over at Komekko. She stroked Komekko's unevenly cut bangs. "When was the last time Komekko had a proper haircut, I wonder? And the clothes she wears are my tattered hand me-downs. They have this peculiar smell about them. Young girls shouldn't have weird smells on their clothes! Seriously, what are my parents doing?!"

"We could just relocate your family and have them live with us in Axel. Their quality of life will definitely improve if we do that."

"No, this is home for them. Crimson Demons rarely leave their homes. I guess, Yunyun and I, who chose to adventure, are an exception."

I noticed this earlier, as well. It was a shame, since Crimson Demons were practically built for adventuring and combat, and yet here they were, fooling around in this village.

"That's sort of a waste," I said. "I know that these may sound weird coming from me, but these Crimson Demons are a lazy bunch, aren't they?!"

"I know that you have a bad opinion of Crimson Demons," Megumin said. "However, there's something that could be admired by our stubborn...I mean, diligent stance for individualism. Do what you want to do, whether it be to go out to the world and make something of yourself, or to enjoy the peaceful days in the boundary of this village. Most people don't really get a choice, they think they do, but not really."

For some reason, her speech reminded me of the Axis-cult's 'doctrine'.

"And your choice was to go out to the world," I said.

"Of course! I wanted to go out there and see how far I could go with Explosion magic, testing it against tough enemies, forming a party to make use of my abilities...although, now, I suppose I've already succeeded that goal...I mean, I even beat the Devil King. Actually, it was a bit hard for me to wrap my head around it, that we actually killed the Devil King. I mean, wow, really?"

"I'm glad to see that you're as eloquent as usual," I said.

She stopped stroking Komekko's hair. She shifted her body so that her sides were leaning against the bed and her head was propped in her arms, and she faced me.

I copied her movements and I could see half of her face beyond Komekko's. The perspective effect was sort of surreal, with Megumin's face, parallel to mine, appearing to merge with Komekko's side profile.

"What do you think about it, all this business with us being heroes, about how we defeated the Devil King?"

"I hadn't really thought much about it," I said. "It feels good, I guess, knowing that someone like me actually did something so...well, consequential. I mean, this is the kind of stuff you dream about as a kid."

Especially so when you were a kid who grew up on RPG's and Fantasy novels.

I went on to say, "But sometimes, I admit, it can be a bit overwhelming."

"I see. It seems that you feel the same way."

"It depends. What are you feeling, exactly?"

"Well, I'm feeling that, with all the things we've done, now that I accomplished all the things I've always dreamed of doing, isn't it time to settle down a bit? Take a break from all the action and excitement, and just spend some time enjoying the peace we spent a year of our lives fighting for. I mean, we defeated the Devil King, and all, but now our daily life has been compromised in the process."

I thought about Axel again, for the second time since we visited the home of the Crimson Demons. It had been awhile since I tended to the graveyard of our resident ghost in the mansion. Our ghost-san must've missed the taste of Aqua's hard liquor, too.

"Well, that's good to hear, thank you for your honesty," I said. "But why are you telling me all this? This stuff is usually reserved for your girl talk with Darkness and Aqua, right?"

"...And how would you know about what we usually discuss in our girl talks, Kazuma?"

For the sake of self-preservation, I kept quiet.

The momentum of our conversation was interrupted by my thoughtless intervention. Megumin turned to lie on her back. I did so as well.

I stared at the roof for awhile, trying to lull myself to sleep.

My attempts to do so was disrupted when I felt something warm creep up on my hand, before finally making contact.

With a somewhat awkward stretch, Megumin brought her hand over Komekko's body and held it on top of mine.

She turned her head to me, with eyes gleaming a faint but steady crimson glow.

"I wish that all of us can live together in peace from now on."

I felt my heartbeat speed up.

Although I didn't think of Megumin in any special way, my body was reacting to a physically underdeveloped girl like her.

Well, despite all her eccentricities, Megumin was still what I would describe as a 'beauty'.

What helped, too, was that I already had Megumin 'service' me many times using a certain dream service.

And so, with that justification...

I wrapped my hand around Megumin's.

"...Megumin, while I do appreciate your advances, I don't think we should do this with Komekko here. Unless you're _really_ into that sort of thing…"

"Can you drop your perverted shtick for once?!"

 **Part 5**

The next day, we all convened at Funifura's house, where Sakunori-san served us a delicious breakfast of miso soup, fresh rice, and grilled Purplefin Walloper.

We discussed our individual plans for the day.

"I've always wanted to visit a popular blacksmith who resides here, in the home of the Crimson Demons," Darkness said.

"Megumin promised to sight-see with me," Aqua said.

"And I have plans with Bewlyscully-san," Rain said.

Rain was still clad in the clothing of the Crimson Demons, bad dye job and all.

I hoped that Rain would grow out of this Weeaboo stage already.

"And what do you have planned today, Satou-san?" Funifura asked.

I received word from Hyoizaburo-san that there was a 'War Council Meeting' sometime at noon, to discuss the measures in how must face the Devil King's daughter. Until then, I had time to kill.

"You could just sight-see with us," Aqua said.

I looked at Megumin. For some reason, she was avoiding my gaze.

If she was acting awkward, just because of the somewhat intimate talk we had the previous night, then I couldn't help but feel awkward about it as well.

Well, I was drunk, at the time, after drinking all those beers and the shot of vodka Tomigakuyo-san offered me, but Megumin had no excuse, and she was the one who initiated that heart-to-heart conversation, in the first place.

Furthermore, this little girl had the gall to hold my hand while saying such bittersweet words.

 _I wish that all of us can live together in peace from now on_

She had uttered a line usually reserved for normies.

This must be what 'youth' was like.

When I thought back to it, I started feeling shy, myself.

I couldn't help but recall the feeling of her hand on mine...

Making a big deal out of some casual physical contact, this was the main reason why I was still a virgin.

Darkness, noticing the awkwardness between Megumin and I, started looking at us suspiciously.

"Come to think of it, Megumin never returned last night, even though she said she'd come back after dropping Kazuma off at Yunyun's house."

"I stayed over at Yunyun's," Megumin said.

"Weren't you and Yunyun fighting? Did you two make up?" Aqua said.

This nosy goddess was only perceptive in inconvenient times like this.

"A-Anyway, Funifura wanted to know what my plans were, right?" I said. "I'm planning to have this robe I bought a while back worked on by an Enchanter. And I figured that there was no better place to do so than at the home of the Crimson Demons."

This robe I bought along with the Boots of Speed, just after we defeated the Devil King, when Megumin was bored and invited me out to go shopping for gear, I still had no idea what to enchant them with, but I could at least get some sort of idea by consulting with a professional.

"Ooh! Maybe you can enchant it with an invisibility spell," Aqua said. "That'd be useful!"

"Oi, don't give this pervert any ideas," Darkness said.

"Thanks for the suggestion, but the Lurk skill is more than sufficient for my routine peeping operations..."

"You just said something I can't ignore!"

As we all had differing agendas, we decided to split off our own ways after finishing Sakunori-san's breakfast. Funifura volunteered to lead me to the 'Number One Enchanter of the Crimson Demon Clan!', as she didn't have any particular plans for the day.

"I usually help my dad in the shop, but I have the day off. He crafts mage equipment like staffs and the sort. In fact, I helped build Megumin's staff, which was a thoughtful gesture on my part that I wish she'd be more grateful for."

I asked what her friends, Dodonko and Arue, did for a living.

"Um, Dodonko is also helping out at the family business, but as for Arue...she's trying to become a professional writer, which is an admirable ambition and all, but we don't have any publishers exclusively based in the home of the Crimson Demons, or any sort of printing press. And for some reason, even though I personally think Arue's stories are well written, she keeps getting denied by publishers outside of the village…"

To a fellow Crimson Demon, I understood why Arue failing to get published wouldn't make much sense, as she seemed quite intelligent and talented, but without even having read Arue's stories, I could tell they were all confusing tales about Evil Gods and seals that contain 'world-breaking' power, all sorts of typical chuunibyou fantasies expressed into prose.

No sane publisher would want anything to do with that.

"Oh, we're here, Satou-san."

The store was called 'The Black Dog', and if Funifura hadn't assured me that this was an Enchanter's store, I would have dismissed it as some kind of seedy adult shop.

We entered, and a service bell rang. Inside, it was unnecessarily dark and there were candles covering every available surface. A fire hazard, surely.

"Ah, I have customers, and it seems one of them is quite the celebrity."

Emerging out of the shadows was a diminutive man, a couple of inches shorter than me. He wore a leather overcoat, had a black pirate eyepatch, and fingerless gloves with metallic studs on the knuckles.

"Satou-san, allow me to introduce you to…"

"You can call me by my code name, 013. Or perhaps you've know me by another name...no, I doubt that you've had. Nobody I've told _that_ name to has lived long enough to tell another living soul…"

"I'm pretty sure _that_ name is 'Black Dog', right?" I asked.

"Y-You! How did you…?! Who the hell are you?! Who sent you?!"

I was a guy with two functioning eyes. I saw the sign as I entered the shop and made the easy connection.

This guy needed to calm down.

"W-Well, um, Black Dog-san…"

"Don't call me by that name."

"013-san, Satou-san wants your opinion as the village's best Enchanter," Funifura said.

I showed Black Dog the robe. The fabric was green colored, like my old cape. As it was hooded, and the length of the hem reached only up to the waist, I thought that it looked more like a hoodie than your traditional mage robes.

To emphasize the similarity, there were strings drooping down the collar, too, but tied at the end of each string were blue Manatite crystals, the rechargeable kind Rain taught me about, before.

"I see. As this fabric was made with Mystic Spider web-silk, it can absorb even Advanced level enchantments. And these two Manatite crystals here is what powers the enchantment. As they are rechargeable, you can keep refilling the crystals with mana if the enchantment ever wears out."

He hadn't even taken any tools or asked me for details about the item. As expected of an expert.

He led us to a work table, and laid the robe upon it. He turned to me and asked, "Now, what did you have in mind?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. What do you recommend?"

"...You strike me as the indecisive type. If a girl made a move on you, I bet you wouldn't act upon it, or even realize that you were being hit on."

"Are you sure that your occupation is an Enchanter, and not a Diviner?!"

So was that act of Megumin holding my hand actually meant that she was hitting on me?!

"No, I was just joking. If I touched upon a sensitive topic, then I'll apologize."

Even more so than normal Crimson Demons, this guy was intolerable.

"Anyway, since I am familiar with your fighting style, as I've read about it on last week's issue on Adventurer's Weekly, I can recommend some enchantments that you might be interested in."

Black Dog recommended to me three Enchantments.

One was an offensive type, one which raised the offensive capabilities of spells.

The second was a defensive type, a warding enchantment that would increase the effectiveness of my armor.

The third could be described as a defensive enchantment, but rather than constant protection, it provided an emergency measure against deadly strikes, decreasing the chances of a Critical Hit landing.

Although quite viable, these options were really bland and uninspiring.

"Those are some really boring enchantments!" I said. "I was expecting something really amazing and unique from a Crimson Demon Enchanter, but this was all you could come up with?!"

"Oi! I resent that! And why would you go to a Crimson Demon for enchantments, anyways?! Our specialization is offensive magic, get it?! Arch-Wizards are offensive magic specialists!"

This guy was basically saying that his career and talents were obsolete, based on the market he was situated in.

I'd have been better off if I asked Wiz, a powerful Lich, for the enchantment instead. Then again, Wiz also specialized in offensive magic, with an emphasis in crowd control type spells. And I haven't heard of Liches having any inherent proficiency with Enchantment magic.

"Well, it's not like you have much of a choice, Satou-san," Funifura said. "It's better to have this robe enchanted now, as we will have many skirmishes with the Devil King army from now on."

She made a good point. I could always buy another robe when we come back to Axel. I had to make do with these uninspiring enchantments.

Knowing myself the deadly applications of this world's unbalanced Critical Hit mechanics, as I demolished Prince Jatis's legendary armor with a single tap from my partner, I decided to get the last enchantment, which protected the user from Critical Hit strikes.

It wasn't 100% protection, but it was better than having my body collapse into irrecoverable bits due to a lucky strike from some mob monster.

After my purchase, as I was heading out, Funifura suggested that we continue shopping for anything I might need. In terms of gear, I already had the high-quality Elven light armor set, and the boots of speed. Also, my partner and my shortbow had proven reliable, or at least, serviceable, so far.

I eventually decided to buy some helpful magic items, like teleportation scrolls, Manatite crystals, and health potions.

We bought those items from a General Goods shop, which, in a magic based society like the home of the Crimson Demons, served as your standard magic item store.

I also purchased a leather carry bag that could be worn around the waist to hold these miscellaneous items.

I tried my new equipment on, my hoodie-like mage robes and my carry bag.

In terms of power-ups, I realized that mine was rather tame.

Rather, it was very disappointing.

What kind of mid-season power-up was this?! Normally, the protagonist would get a new power taught to them from a previously defeated enemy, or they'd receive some new equipment from a legendary blacksmith who suddenly appears, right?!

Furthermore, as I walked around with the carry bag around my waist, the bag itself was positioned behind me, dangling over my butt, and as I walked around, I'd constantly receive a spanking from my new bag, the contact making a noticeable noise.

Slap...slap...slap…

Funifura and I avoided eye contact as I kept getting spanked by this leather thing.

 **Part 6**

It was noon, which meant it was time for the 'War Council Meeting'.

We were to meet at the chief's study.

I was the last to arrive, as Hyoizaburo-san, Tomigakuyo-san, and Hikokujo-san had already arrived.

Tomigakuyo-san was already drinking, Hyoizaburo-san was tuning up a magic item, and Hikokujo-san was pretending to read the job listing in the local newspaper.

Once again, I doubted the legitimacy of this supposed War Council.

"Ah, our general has arrived," the chief said.

When was I appointed as the general? Rather, I wouldn't want to be perceived as the leader of this group of losers and burn-outs.

"I have good news for you, Satou-san," the chief said. "The interrogation of our prisoners went smoothly. After all, our... _methods_ are very effective."

Their _methods_ , I was sure, involved a judicious use of the lie-detecting bell.

"We have gathered that the Devil King army has casted a Dimensional Anchor spell on the entirety of village, and even the outskirts, including the forest…"

"Oh, yeah. I know that already. I tried to ditch this village yesterday with the teleport spell, so that's how I found out."

"Y-You were trying to…?! Ha ha. That's a funny joke, Satou-san," the chief said. "Anyways, we've also learned that the Devil King army has made an encampment in the forest. They've also created a sensory barrier around it, so that anyone who was not Devil-kind entering the forest would be detected, and they would be picked off by the sentries."

The chief brought out a file and took out a folded document from it.

"The prisoners have drawn map of the Devil King occupied forest, including the location of the sentry posts, and the encampment itself. There is a route leading from the encampment to the village in which the high-levelled monsters are being repelled by several warding spells lining the path. The Devil King army plan to use this route as a means to directly attack us without having to worry about fighting One-shot Bears and Fire Drakes along the way."

These prisoners were way too cooperative. I was beginning to think that there was way more involved in these interrogation _methods_ than I anticipated.

"It's good that we have a basic knowledge of what we're dealing with here," Tomigakuyo-san said. "But the Devil King's daughter is a smart one. Once we successfully divert her attack when she attacks, she will know that we know where her secret routes are. And I think she'd also assume that we managed to extract this information from her soldiers, already. Who knows, she may have made some adjustments to her layout. *Burp!* Excuse me."

Hikokujo-san, who I didn't think was listening, said, "We need a way to make sure that the information we have is still accurate."

"I think at this point, we can assume that they have already assumed the worst, and changed their layout," said Hyoizaburo-san, who had given up on his magic item, as it was producing a wierd smoke. "I'll tell you what we need, some reconnaissance."

"Oh, what a great idea, Hyoizaburo," the chief said. "But our village is full of magic users. It's not like we conveniently have someone with thief skills among us who can go and survey the forest!"

I had a feeling that they had already discussed this previously. I was being conspired upon by this War Council of losers.

Didn't that mean that I was the biggest loser?!

"Wait, wait, even if I do have Thief skills, you just said that there's a sensory barrier that can sense when someone who is not devil-kind is entering the forest, right? Obviously, there's no way I can…!"

I stopped mid-sentence.

I remembered that I received a strange item from Vanir.

"It seems that you have an idea, Satou-san."

 **Part 7**

"I'm going in, take a peek around, but that's it, OK?"

It was nighttime. With me was the War Council and my party. There were others who wanted to see me off, but we didn't want to make the Devil King army suspicious by having a large amount of people gathering in one place.

"I can't believe that Kazuma is acting heroic for once," Aqua said.

"Yes, it's very commendable," Darkness said.

"I can't help but think that there's some kind of catch, though," Megumin said.

Well, yes. She was completely right.

The incentive of getting this whole thing over and done with made up for the risk involved in this solo-operation.

And as long as I had _that_ I should be relatively safe.

I took out the peculiar mask from my new carry bag. It was just like Vanir's mask, in design, but it was all black.

We ran some tests on it early on, with the village's foremost magic item crafters running some identifying spells on the mask. And they determined that it did indeed have the ability of cloaking the user in a demonic aura, having one seem as if they were of the devil-kind.

I put the mask on, and as I did so, Megumin let out an uncharacteristic 'Kyaaaa~!'.

"I-It's so cool! That mask is so cool! For once, I've begun to see Kazuma as a man!"

"Oi, I'm doing this all for your sake, OK?! So have some appreciation for the brave me!"

I thought for sure that Megumin would fire back, like she usually did, but she smiled gently instead. "You're right. Kazuma is doing this dangerous thing because he wants to live a peaceful life with all of us from now on, right? So, you _were_ listening to me last night. I'm glad."

Recently, this little girl was displaying a 'dere-dere' side.

Even though I didn't remember setting off any flags with Megumin.

Perhaps, the gods decided to reward my vigilance with some well deserved romance in this fantasy world?!

Rather, it was strange that I, the hero who defeated the Devil King, wasn't already swarming with female admirers already!

As I was entertaining these fancies of mine, Darkness looked at Megumin and I with a suspicious gaze.

"Wait...there's this mood between you two again?! And what was Megumin referring to when she said 'last night'? Did something really not happen between you two?! Hey!"

Darkness started to charge towards me. I yelled to Aqua who was closest to Darkness.

"Oi, Aqua, save me and I'll buy you some expensive wine, or something!"

"Hmph! Ever since Kazuma put that mask on, he started to stink like a Devil! I'm not doing any favors for a Devil like you!"

I was saved instead by the village chief, who restrained Darkness with a Hold Person spell.

"Let us not make too much noise," he said. "Now, Satou-san, I believe that it is time for the Masked Devil to strike."

"Uoooh! That's a really cool name! Good job, chief!" Megumin said.

No, that Masked Devil thing was too similar to Vanir's moniker. Rather, wasn't it exactly the same?!

But I didn't care about such things so I let them say whatever they wanted.

I didn't expect her to, but Aqua casted some long lasting buffs on me. Megumin had me do some 'cool poses' for her while I wore that mask she adored so much, for whatever reason. All this while, Darkness was still suspiciously eyeing me and Megumin.

What, was she jealous of me and Megumin?

Had my popular period finally arrived?

R-Really?

I fell into a state of contentment after finally reaching the peak of my youth…

I couldn't help but let a chuckle out.

"He's already laughing like a Devil! If I didn't know that this was Kazuma, I would have rained down a series of God Blows and Sacred Turn Undead on this masked freak!"

I left before the trigger happy Aqua lost her restraint altogether.

I walked to the outskirts of the forest and just before entering, I looked back to the others.

"Just go in already!" Aqua said.

Easy for her to say.

The forest at night had a terrifying atmosphere.

But as I had an audience behind me who would surely make mean comments if I turned back at this point, I forced myself onward.

I used Lurk to hide my presence and Farsight, which had a night vision feature, to navigate through the dark.

I followed along the route which was supposedly safe from monsters. As the route was linear, with no detours, I progressed with haste.

As I had yet to encounter a monster so far, I assumed that the Devil King army still intended to use this route to attack the village.

Or, they could have created another route aside from this one, and left this route as it was to confuse us further.

I took out a map. According to it, I should have encountered an outpost by now. I did spot a watch tower, but no one was manning it.

The Devil King's daughter took precautions, as expected.

As I had no way of determining the locations of the new outposts, I followed the map, hoping to encounter the encampment.

It wasn't located too deep into the forest, but as I was still in unfamiliar grounds, I approached cautiously.

An encampment was harder to relocate than some outposts, and after some walking, I finally caught sight of it.

I saw a circle of tents, dimly lit by small Manatite crystals dangling from wire lines around the encampment, reminding me a little of Christmas lights.

The tents, and the almost whimsical lighting, gave the impression of a traveling circus, rather than a military base.

The Lurk skill silenced my footsteps, but I didn't want to risk it. Crouching, I sneaked past the foliage as I circled around the open clearing where the tents were pitched.

Detect Magic alerted me that there were privacy wards set around the clearing. Upon entering the boundary set by the privacy wards, I began to hear sounds from the encampment.

It was the sound of music and celebratory cheers.

Due to the efficiency in which they executed their attack, I had expected the military base to follow the trend of rigid professionalism, but I found them in this party mood.

I had seen a patrol group earlier, but they had yet to reach the area I infiltrated. Taking the chance, I advanced further.

The music became more distinct, and as I crept past the encirclement of the tents, I saw, positioned in the middle of the encampment, a wooden stage and around it, a crowd of cheering Devils.

As I drew even nearer, I could hear the music clearly.

A feminine voice.

A familiar voice.

"Shoot your heart~! Love to Love, Devil Gun~! Heart to Heart, all your heart belong to me~! Loving and Loving! Devil Gun~! Shot, shot, shot~! Dreaming Fantasy~! Dream to Dream! Yeah! We're Fantastic Dreamers~!"

On the stage, dressed in a frilly black dress, dancing with a microphone in her hands, was the Devil King's daughter.

Was this really the brilliant tactician I had so much trouble with?

This faux-cutesy person wearing such a girly dress?

Although I've never been to one, I could tell, as a Japanese, that this performance before me was an idol concert.

These devils didn't have any sense of tension at all, having a concert in the middle of the war.

The Devils were clapping along with the song and cheering their leader on.

"I love you, Maouko-chan~!"

"Shoot me with your love-love Devil Gun, Maouko-chan~!"

"I'll die for you a hundred times, Maouko-chan~!"

The Devil King's daughter, this 'Maouko-chan', finished her number, and after wiping some sweat from her bow, flashed a devilishly cute smile to the audience.

"Nyaa~! Is everyone enjoying themselves?!"

Cheers arose from the audience.

"I can't hear you~!"

The cheers were thunderous. I had to cover my ears, and they were still ringing afterwards, as the cheers died down.

"Thankies for your support~! We will take a quick intermission, so don't go anywhere~! And if you do, Maouko-nyan will be sad, OK?"

After Maouko and her backup dancers cleared the stage, the crowd started murmuring among themselves, discussing the concert.

At this point, I had already confirmed the location of the camp. Thinking that I've accomplished what I set out to do, I made to make my retreat.

But, as soon as I turned around, I bumped into a body…

More specifically, it was a squishy and plump part of the body…

In front of me was a woman, tall and beautiful. Her physique was just my type.

If she meant me harm, my Detect Enemy skill would have went off.

For now, I decided patiently wait for an opening, rather than to react immediately.

But, as I was formulating plans in my head, the woman started speaking.

"Oh? Who are you? I've never seen you before. And that mask...and you smell like Vanir-san too?! Wait, don't tell me... Vanir-san, did you resurrect into a new body?!"

She had mistaken me for Vanir.

I didn't know whether to consider this development as a fortunate or an unfortunate one.

I was never great at imitating voices. She assumed that I was Vanir in a different body, and with that in mind, I spoke in my regular voice, but with Vanir's distinctive style of speech.

"Yes, it is indeed moi, the great Vanir! Now, forgive me, mademoiselle, but as there were some complications with my resurrection, my memory is not so clear..."

I felt a bit proud of myself for coming up with that lie.

"Hm? I've heard rumors that you were thoroughly defeated by the same party who killed the Devil King. But to think that it'd be to this extent...! Oh, forgive me, your memory is still unclear, right? I am Sylvia, a chimera, a Devil King leader like you. Now, Vanir-san, come. We need to orient you immediately. I will take you directly to our new leader..."

 **Chapter 8 END**

 **Next Chapter: Let's Begin Life as a Devil King Army Leader!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Let's Begin Life as a Devil King Army Leader!**

 **Part 1**

I watched Sylvia move in front of me.

Her hips were swaying sensuously.

Although I knew a couple of beautiful women with that curvy figure I prefered, Wiz and Darkness, for example, none of them possessed that mature allure that Sylvia had in abundance.

"Vanir-san, this way."

I was led to a tent behind the stage, where Maouko, the Devil King's daughter, had just performed.

"Since my...moi's memory is still in disarray, um, please remind moi why Maouko-sama was just performing in front of the army earlier…"

"Oh dear, your memory is in a bad state, huh? You don't even remember that Maouko-sama's class is that of a Bard. She regularly performs to the army, even when...the late Devil King was alive, in order to boost morale and distribute powerful status buffs to the soldiers."

The bard class.

In tabletop games, Bards were notorious for being, in most cases, a useless profession.

Proficient in status buff magic and possessing limited spellcasting ability.

A cross between the Priest and Mage class.

But if that was the case, it be more efficient to be a Priest or a Mage.

Though, as someone with the even more useless Adventurer class, I wasn't qualified to criticize.

Arriving at the entrance of the tent, Sylvia pulled the front flaps open.

"Maouko-sama, you won't believe who I...ah, sorry!"

Before I got a peek in, Sylvia dragged me out.

"Geez! You can't just come in like that, Sylvia! I mean, despite what you look like, you're…"

Hm? What was that?

"A-Anyway, Maouko-sama, I have brought someone of great interest to you. It is Vanir-san…"

There was an interval of ten seconds before Maouko responded. She peeked her head out of the tent and looked at me with scrutinizing eyes.

I felt a cold sweat start to run down my back.

I didn't have any illusion magic, and the mask only covered half of my face.

And I was equipped with my usual gear, and my distinctive 'Boots' of Speed.

I would be found out, for certain.

I started walking backwards, glancing around for an escape route. . .

"...Tell me, Sylvia, does this 'Vanir' just happen to 'resurrect into a new body'?"

"Um, yes, that's what he claims…"

"I see. So Feydrick-san's divinations have hit their mark, as usual. Sylvia, what you have there is our enemy, Satou Kazuma, disguised as the Masked Devil, Vanir-san. Apprehend him."

And that was my cue to leave.

"Tinder."

I shot a streak of fire on Sylvia's arm, which reached out to grab me.

For some reason, the magic didn't have any effect. Sylvia didn't even wince.

I dodged her grabbing attempt instead.

And in the same motion...

"Expeditious Retreat! Escape!"

Using the Wizard speed boosting spell, Expeditious Retreat, and the Rogue skill offering a speed buff, Escape, combined with the Boots of Speed and the buffs Aqua had casted on me, I prepared myself for a hasty tactical retreat.

But as I lifted a leg, seconds away from engaging in near supersonic speeds…

"Greater Dispel Magic."

Having all of my speed augmentations cancelled at once, I was propelled by the momentum I had already started to pick up.

I tumbled to the ground.

Sylvia dove after my spasmodically tumbling body, and wrestled with me on the ground, easily gaining dominance, before capturing me in a headlock.

What a precarious situation I've found myself in.

As I struggled against Sylvia, squirming against the bountiful chest pressing against my back, Maouko, fully dressed this time, emerged from the tent.

She stood over me imperiously, with a smug look on her face.

"So we finally meet face to…"

She paused.

She took Vanir's mask off of my face.

"So we finally meet face-to-face, Satou Kazuma."

Sylvia gasped. "S-So it really wasn't Vanir-san?!"

"I don't expect you to know this, as this information was only really available to my father and I, but Vanir-san had formally requested a leave from the Devil King army. We didn't want word to get out, that Vanir-san, who was equal or even greater in power to my father, decided to leave the army. That would create unnecessary unease and doubt among the soldiers. So, instead, we spread word that Vanir-san died heroically...or should I say, demonically."

It was only then that I remembered Vanir mentioning something along those lines.

Well, even if I had remembered, it was inevitable that I'd be captured, anyways.

Even if Sylvia hadn't believed the ruse I came up with in the spot, she would have apprehended me, one way or another.

After all, I didn't sense her behind me, as she didn't have any hostile intent at the time, a prerequisite for the activation of Detect Enemy.

This was the consequence of relying too much on the Detect Enemy skill.

"Well, I can't really take all the credit. One of our Devil King army generals, Feydrick-san, is a powerful scryer. He not only prevented Vanir-san, the real Vanir-san, from scrying upon our war operations, but he also foresaw your attempted infiltration, Satou Kazuma.

And that's why I had Sylvia, who is normally a frontline fighter, do the menial task of scouting the grounds at this time, as Feydrick-san had divined that Sylvia would be the one to find the lurking Satou Kazuma."

"I-I don't really get all of this, but I can tell that you did something really impressive, Maouko-sama!"

To plan this far ahead, she was impressive indeed, but this amateur had made the mistake of monologuing to the hero as he was captured.

I made sure to take advantage of this cliched development!

Tinder didn't work at all with Sylvia, which meant that she had high magic resistance.

And with my movement restricted, I couldn't draw my weapons.

To get around this, I used a skill, instead.

My signature skill…!

"Steal!"

I cried, with an outstretched palm.

The skill that worked even on the Devil King.

The skill that had never failed me in battle so far.

My first and favorite skill.

"E-Eh?"

Maouko patted her skirt frantically. She blushed and then glared at me.

I looked in my hands at what I had stolen.

Black lace.

 **Part 2**

I was tied up to a chair as Sylvia supervised me.

"You have some balls, don't you?" she said. "Stealing the panties of the one who will decide whether you live or die."

I didn't mean to steal Maouko's panties.

R-Really, I didn't.

But my high luck stat had this weird effect on my Steal skill when directed against women.

Only women.

The panties I had stolen, as Maouko had just finished her performance, was still damp and filled with her fresh fragrance.

More than my usual sexual harassment escapades, this one could actually get me killed.

"Fufu. You have guts, kid. If Maou-sama allows it, I'd like to _play around_ with a real man like you. After all, I know full well what it takes to be a man..."

"Please treat me gently."

Even in this situation, a real man wouldn't turn down the invitation of a beautiful lady.

And it was a proven scientific fact that libido and the desire to procreate increases during life threatening situations.

That was the excuse I was going with.

"What a man! You said it without any hesitation! It seems that I wasn't wrong about you, fufu…"

Sylvia leaned closer to me, her lips just inches from my ear.

"Hnnnng. You've made me all hard and bothered…"

She probably meant to say that I made her 'all hot and bothered'.

"It seems that you found another plaything, Sylvia."

Saying this, Maouko walked into the tent.

Following behind her was an old man with a grey beard that reached down to his chest. He wore grey robes and in his hand was a crystal ball.

"Feydrick-san, meet Satou Kazuma, the man who killed your previous liege and my father."

He gave me an unreadable gaze.

Despite the 'hermit sage' look he had going, he looked like an old guy you could find anywhere.

"I don't get it. What's a normal human doing in the Devil King army?" I asked.

Feydrick lifted a bushy and white eyebrow.

"I am not a human. I am a Dark Elf."

There was nothing dark or elven about him.

"Aren't elves supposed to have pointy ears?"

"That's a stereotype we wish the mainstream populace would stop labelling on us."

Who ever heard of an elf without pointy ears?

And weren't old aged elves really rare? Elves were traditionally portrayed to have a near immortal lifespan, still maintaining their youthful looks even at the age of 900.

"Just to make sure," I said, "How old are you, Feydrick-san?"

"I am 38 years old."

"In elf years?"

"No, in human years…"

Rather than being hundreds of years old, he looked way too old to be only 38.

Bad genes, maybe?

Once again, this fantasy world had disappointed my expectations.

"Speaking with the enemy so casually. I commend you for keeping your composure, but I wonder how long that will last?"

Maouko looked at me with a cruel smile.

Earlier, Darkness was fantasizing about the creative torture methods of the Devil King army.

Although I was acting tough, I was just one more emotional disturbance away from crying my eyes out.

We should have sent Darkness for this mission, instead, I thought.

"Now, before I enjoy tormenting you, I brought Feydrick-san here for a little task. Feydrick-san?"

He nodded. Walking up to me, he placed his hand on my head and closed his eyes.

I didn't feel anything, but the crystal ball in his hands began to glow green.

After awhile, he took his hand back.

He peered into the crystal ball. I couldn't see anything in it, but I assumed that he could.

"I have properly seen his future, Maouko-sama."

"And? Did you see anything important?"

"I saw that, in the future, after torturing him to your heart's desire, you will finally avenge your father and brutally kill this man."

"E-Eh?!"

I cried out with a shrill voice.

I was destined for such a tragic fate?!

This was worst than simply dying, wasn't it?!

Dying wasn't really that big of a deal.

I died before, and was resurrected shortly after.

B-But something like torture is…!

I couldn't take it anymore, I began to cry.

"Uwaaaaaaah! Aqua, Megumin, Darkness, save me!"

Losing my inhibitions, I made that shameful declaration while hollering and crying.

Maouko looked at me in disdain. "To think this gutless fool managed to kill my father. How shameful! Let's kill him already!"

"...Wait! I see more! In the event that you kill this man, his comrades and friends from his hometown will soon find out. They will chase us no matter where we go in this world, until they can exact revenge. E-Even that Vanir-san and Wiz-san will come to hunt us down and avenge him…"

It was heartwarming, to know that my friends would go so far to avenge me.

But that wasn't really much of a consolation, as I'd still meet a tragic outcome.

At this point, I considered calling out to Eris-sama. We still had that wish we were owed, and she said that we could call her anytime to grant us the wish…

But until the very last moment, I didn't want to use such an ultimate power.

And it seemed that my captors weren't planning on doing anything drastic yet.

"I see. So the future in which we kill Satou Kazuma will turn out like that," Maouko said. "And I can't count on your perceiving the other alternate routes of this man's fate, can I?"

"Correct. My powers are limited in that I can see only the unaltered, original route of one's fate. What happens after one alter future events after receiving a divination, I can not see that far ahead, or I will lose my sanity in the attempt of peering into infinite possibilities."

"I see. If that's the case, then we will have a change of plans."

She stared into my eyes, not with a look of hatred, as I expected her to, but one that was purely calculating.

"In fact, doing it this way might prove more interesting. Dominate Person!"

 **Part 3**

"Do a pantomime of the Mobile Fortress Destroyer."

I instinctively knew the movements, even if I couldn't recall how or from whom I learned them.

"Oh! That is indeed how the Mobile Fortress Destroyer moves! I assume that the spell worked?"

"Of course, Feydrick-san. I am especially proficient with the Schools of Charm and Illusion magic," my master, Maouko-sama, said.

"How long does the spell last?" Sylvia said.

"With my spell casting level, only about three hours. But I can keep casting it on him, though it will be harder to do so consecutively. And that's why we will pull through with our plan in the next three hours. It's too bad that we couldn't do it at nighttime, while the Crimson Demons are sleeping...but this guy took a lot more time to succumb to the spell than what I expected."

"It is an ingenious plan, Maouko-sama," Feydrick said. "To have Satou Kazuma attack the village, causing chaos and confusion, and once their defenses have been lowered, we will come in for the strike!"

"Fufu! I know, I'm a genius, right?! Now, it's a pain to maintain a constant mental control over him, so I'll set him to auto-pilot, so to speak. Go and take care of your allotted duties, while I take care of business here."

I was left alone with my master.

"Ahem. Listen, Satou Kazuma. You are a Devil King army leader under my employ. I will now send you on a solo-mission to attack the Crimson Demons who have caused me infinite amounts of frustration these past few years. You will go to their village, and the first thing you will do is destroy that magic telescope of theirs that the village perverts use to peep on me. Aside from causing as much of a disturbance as you can, this will be your primary directive, OK?"

For some reason, I felt my head clear up a bit, only for a surge of information to fill it.

A torrent of thoughts began to flood in.

I was...Satou Kazuma...a leader of the Devil King army…

Attack...the Crimson Demon village.

"Hm. Since it's that kind of scenario, we should put this on you," Maouko-sama said.

She placed a mask over my face.

"Now, do you understand your orders?"

My master looked upon me expectantly.

"Fufu. For my beautiful master, Maouko-sama, I will even drink your dirty bath water if you command me to!"

That was just how far my devotion to my master was!

My master…

I thought back to my fond memories of my master.

"…"

Huh?

That was strange.

I couldn't recall anything.

"Hm? Is there something wrong, Satou Kazuma?"

"Nope! Nothing wrong! I will set about to do my mission right away~!"

"...I know that you're dominated and all, but where did this creepy subservience come from?"

Now that I had my orders from Maouko-sama, I went out from the tent. Outside, my fellow soldiers were bustling about, preparing for the assault.

"Hey guys, good work out there. Another day another Eris, eh?"

I tried to raise the morale of my co-workers, but they just looked at me strangely.

Not paying it any heed, I made my way to exit the encampment. I took a moment to look fondly at the encampment I spent the last few weeks stationed in…

I thought about my happy memories with my Devil King army comrades.

W-Well, for some reason, I had trouble recalling anything at that moment.

Not paying it any heed, I moved on.

Walking through the route heading to the Crimson Demon village, I took account of my equipment.

The quiver and bow at my back, and the sword...which had a name I couldn't exactly recall...was sheathed at my belt.

I was ready.

Following the route, I soon made it to the entrance leading into the forest.

I crouched behind some foliage and activated Lurk.

Peering out through a gap in the leaves and branches, I made out an incomplete but accurate image of the village.

I could see people already up and about. The businesses were already opened, and there were some patrons entering in and out of the store.

I used Foresight to further survey the village, looking for that telescope Maouko-sama asked me to find and destroy.

I found it in the town center. It was displayed as a tourist attraction.

Destroy the telescope first and then cause mayhem.

I could do the first step without having to move from my spot, but to do the latter would prove more complicated.

Crimson Demons were strong, and facing a village full of them, by myself was unfathomable, even if I relied on hit and run tactics.

But my personal safety wasn't as important as the success of this mission.

Well, before all that, I needed to take care of the first stage of the plan.

I drew my quiver and slid an arrow to the notch. Still using Foresight, I aimed for the telescope.

In the time I've spent deliberating, a Crimson Demon fellow, a somewhat haggard looking young man, walked towards the telescope while frantically looking around.

He pointed the lens of the telescope towards the camp, probably intending on peeking on my master.

The direction also happened to coincide with my position in the foliage.

This was a good as time as any to cause a commotion.

"Snipe!"

I shot an arrow at the telescope lens.

It shattered and the young man pulled back in surprise.

I used the Lip Reading skill to perceive what he was saying in his panic.

"Eh?! Who was that masked guy?! Is it the Devil King army?!"

He ran from the telescope, but I didn't fire another shot at him. I needed him to spread the word and cause as much panic as possible.

With my position now compromised, I proceeded into the village itself.

My intention was to use the houses as cover. I would lose vision, but with Lurk, I could keep hiding in the shadows of the houses while causing as much chaos as I could.

I started off with a reliable means in achieving just that.

"Tinder. Wind Breath"

Using Wind Breath to propel the flames, creating a flamethrower like effect, I ignited the curtains of the homes I passed. My Detect Magic registered the activation of fire detection runes setting off alarms on the houses I set on fire. Crimson Demon families began piling out.

I repeated this pattern, setting fires to homes while staying in the shadows.

Then, to prevent them from gathering in one place, I took everything I could find that was flammable, lit them ablaze, and then laid them all out in the open spaces, including the town center, to prevent the Crimson Demons from grouping together.

When I started running out of mana, I took out a Manatite crystal from my carry bag and replenished my reserves.

Looking at the chaos I caused, I deemed my mission successful. I decided to retreat.

"Nature's Beauty!"

The flames I had painstakingly created, strategically connecting flammable materials to create a fiery maze throughout the town, was easily doused by streams of water produced by one individual.

A girl with blue hair.

 **Part 4**

My head throbbed at the sight of her and my blood boiled.

For some reason, I started developing a headache as I caught sight of this stranger.

"Amazing, Aqua-sama! That's an Arch Priest for you!"

"How beautiful! And the way she's twirling around and distributing the water is a majestic sight, indeed!"

"One more time, Aqua-sama, do it one more time!"

The blue haired girl, 'Aqua', puffed out her chest in pride. "OK, I don't normally repeat my tricks, but...Nature's Beauty!"

"Uuooooooohhh!"

What a pain in the ass.

As if she hadn't ruined my work enough already, she started sniffing around like a dog, with her nose up in the air. "Hold on, I smell the stench of a devil! It must be the work of that retched lot hiding away like cowards in the forest! So those guys finally decided to attack, huh?! Crimson Demons, follow my lead!"

"Yosh! Aqua-sama!"

For some reason, the sight of the Crimson Demons obeying this Aqua girl's commands irritated me greatly.

The Crimson Demons were banding together under this Aqua' girl's lead.

At this point, when Maouko-sama gets here, she will not be facing a disorganized, frantic village of Crimson Demons, but a united and alert one.

I couldn't let that happen.

Even at the expense of my own life…!

I emerged out of the shadows in order to take down the enemy's apparent leader!

"Drain Touch!"

"Gurk!"

My plan was to disable this Aqua person, then hold her hostage.

That was the plan.

"Ouch! What the heck is this?! Oh, Kazuma, it's you? You're back? It's good to see that you're safe, but listen to this! The Devil King army has already begun to attack! Quick, we have to convene with Darkness and the others! Owie! W-Will you stop that already?! What, do you need to refill your mana or something?! It hurts!"

This Aqua person was not only talking to me as if we were familiar, she also knew my name.

Well, I was a Devil King army leader, after all.

My name was known and feared throughout the lands.

She was probably just playing mind tricks with me.

I increased the output of Drain Touch, earning another 'Gurk!', and then turned to the Crimson Demons.

"Nobody move! If you do, I will kill this girl!"

They looked at me, then at the Aqua person, and then at each other.

"Perhaps Satou-sama is roleplaying?"

"I see. So he's roleplaying. I didn't know that Kazuma was into that sort of thing."

"That's a cool mask! I see, so he wants to roleplay as a sort of Masked Devil, huh?"

Somehow, they came to that conclusion.

I waved my free hand around. "No, listen to me. I'm not roleplaying, or whatever. I am a leader of the Devil King army! I came here to attack your village! I was even setting fires to your homes earlier!"

Having explained this, I assumed that they would all scream in fear.

"T-To think that Satou-sama is so passionate in his roleplaying that he will even set fire to the village! How wonderful! As expected of the man who is dating Megumin, he shares the sensibilities of the Crimson Demons!"

"Eh? Satou-sama is dating Megumin?"

"Yes, I heard this from Buzucoily-san."

They were all idiots.

Couldn't they see the danger I presented?

Were they really fine with me setting their village on fire?

And regarding this Aqua girl, with the amount of mana and vitality I should have taken from her, she should have already been a lifeless corpse.

Yet she was just looking at me with a confused expression. "I don't really get it," she said, "but if choking my neck like this is something Kazuma is into, then I guess I can indulge him a bit? Don't worry! As your friend, I will support you, even if you have all sorts of depraved, sadistic fetishes! Though I do believe that Darkness is more suited to this sort of thing?"

This girl was useless as a hostage. I released her and drew my partner.

"T-This is the legendary Chunchunmaru! To think that I'd have the honor of being in the receiving end of its majestic blade!"

They still didn't get it!

To drive the point home, I started slashing at them with my partner.

But…

"That's the spirit, Satou-sama! Let the violent tendencies of the Crimson Demons consume you! Blade Ward."

"Although while you're doing a good job so far, it'd be better if you could say some cool lines before attacking, Satou-sama. Skin of Stone."

Without the element of surprise, I couldn't use the powerful Sneak Attack skill. My sword skills were useless against their magical defences.

Not only were they unmoved by my aggressive display, they even encouraged further exhibition of it.

If swordplay didn't work, then...

I shot an arrow.

"Protection from Arrows."

I tried the Create Water and Shocking Grasp combo.

"Magic Barrier."

Nothing worked.

How infuriating.

Even though I was a leader of the Devil King army, to think I'd be this powerless.

Or perhaps this was merely the superiority of the Crimson Demons in effect, rather than a demonstration of my inability.

Still, I was frustrated.

Between this Aqua girl who seemingly had infinite amounts of magical power and vitality, and this gathering of Crimson Demons who weren't even taking me seriously, but was countering every move I made, it would be foolish to stay any longer.

"Escape!"

I made a tactical retreat.

I merged into the shadows once more, using Lurk.

I had to attack without being seen. One could only defend against an attack they could see coming.

And rather than fighting whole groups, I needed to pick of straying individuals.

Two lone girls. A strange feeling overcame me as I looked at them, but I ignored it for the sake of my mission.

One wasn't a Crimson Demon, a blonde haired one, but she looked like she a Crusader, certainly not a pushover.

The other girl _was_ a Crimson Demon.

It was common sense to take out the caster before focusing on the front line fighter.

"Snipe!"

I shot the arrow at the Crimson Demon girl.

The Snipe skill depended on one's Luck stat.

And with my high Luck, I was certain that my aim would hold true.

In terms of my Luck stat manifesting in strange ways, the Steal skill was just an exception.

After all, with Snipe, there was no way that…

"E-Eh?! Something fast just flew between my legs?!"

The Crimson Demon girl shouted as she patted the hem of her robes frantically.

On a wall behind the girl, I could see my arrow lodged there.

And pinned against the wall, pierced by the arrowhead, was a pair of black panties.

"T-That arrow, it has to be Kazuma!" The taller girl said.

"Geez! And we were all worried when he didn't return last night! And what kind of advanced sexual harassment did he pull just now?!"

To think that probability would break it's fundamental principle of randomized outcome just for the sake of trolling me.

This time, I aimed with Foresight, not leaving the trajectory completely up to chance.

"Snipe!"

And I aimed for the taller girl, instead, just in case my original target was just jinxed, or something.

And the shot hit true, this time.

"Kuh! K-Kazuma, this kind of play should be reserved for when we're alone!"

It didn't do any damage at all.

In fact, was this female knight enjoying this?

At this point, I lost control of my composure.

"Snipe! Snipe! Snipe!"

I fired my remaining arrows at them.

The arrows that didn't hit the increasingly ecstatic female knight only served to rip the Crimson Demon's robes in a provocative manner.

Soon, she was pretty much fully naked.

She was holding up the shreds of what remained of her clothes to hide the most intimate parts of her anatomy.

"...I've been violated. I can't marry anymore."

"Scum! Scum-zuma! You were going on and on about how cute Princess Iris was when we were in the capital, but now you're happily harassing another young girl, huh?! You lecher! If you want to abuse someone, then keep it restricted to me! Keep Megumin out of this!"

I had enough of this farce.

Casting all of my speed enhancing spells, I readied my sword for a Sneak Attack.

This move would take almost all of my mana, but I would have enough to use Drain Touch immediately after on the Crimson Demon girl, effectively disabling her, too.

"Sneak Attack!"

The world blurred in my vision as I dashed to attack.

I ran.

And ran.

And kept on running.

Even after I missed my target.

I couldn't stop my momentum.

I collided with the wall behind the two girls.

The impact was great.

I felt something in my head crack.

The last thing I saw, before blacking out, was the black panties pinned to the wall with my arrow.

 **Part 5**

"K-Kazuma-san…"

I had found myself in Eris-sama's domain.

"..."

"I-It's not that bad, Kazuma-san. Please don't look so depressed. You weren't exactly in your best mental state, at the time."

Even though I knew that she was just paying me lip service, I let the gentle Eris-sama comfort me.

"I might as well to ascend to heaven. Those girls will kill me even if I resurrect."

"Please don't be discouraged! The chief has examined your corpse and identified the work of Dominate Person on your being. Your comrades shouldn't bear you any ill will. In fact, right now, they are more concerned about the Devil King Army's machinations rather than your, uh, exploits."

This was the expectation of Eris-sama, the kind hearthed orthodox heroine.

It was natural for her to lean on the side of forgiveness.

The others, however...

"I-I know! While Aqua-senpai is resurrecting you, would you like to keep me company as I perform my duties as a goddess? Normally, doing so would be against the rules but...just don't tell anyone, OK?"

Eris-sama gave me that coy wink of hers.

It almost sufficed to heal my emotional scars.

Eris-sama made a second seat appear beside hers. I eagerly accepted her offer.

"So, I guess that I will get to meet my kouhai who will reincarnate into the world, huh?"

"Oh, no. With the Devil King's defeat, we have already stopped reincarnating souls into that world."

"But there's still the remnants of the Devil King army left?!"

Eris-sama looked away and scratched her cheek. "Um, my bosses all agreed that it would be better to leave that matter in your hands."

I had a couple of things to say to those irresponsible bastards.

"A-Ah, it appears that we have a soul ready for our assistance."

In a shimmer of light, a body appeared on the chair across from ours.

A middle aged man with a balding head.

Eris-sama gave a somber smile at the newcomer.

"Perished soul, welcome to my…"

In the middle of Eris-sama's speech, the man made a 'Tch!' sound.

"I die and I have this breast pad wearing slutty goddess to greet me? Oi, I don't want _you_ , where's Aqua-sama, hah?!"

It was one of Aqua's delusional followers.

Eris-sama, ever the unassertive one, waved her hands about in a flustered manner. "I-I'm sorry. But Aqua-senpai can't serve you right now. You have to make do with me…"

"No, no, no! I want Aqua-sama! Give me Aqua-sama!"

He stood from his chair, picked it up over his head, and broke it in half!

This guy was nuts!

Somehow, after a while, we managed to calm him down.

Eris-sama proceeded to assist the man. He chose to resurrect back to his original world, not choosing to ascend to heaven.

"At the very least, I assure you that in your new life, you will continue to be a loyal follower of Aqua-senpai."

"Tch! I don't need you telling me that. I will be Aqua-sama's devoted follower in all of my lifetimes!"

As the soul was sent away, Eris-sama gave a weary sigh.

"It's always tough when Aqua-senpai's followers come through here. I know that she wants to stay in the living world, but I hope that she can come up to heaven once in awhile, even just to help me with her, um, overly dedicated followers."

I felt a bit guilty, as Aqua was staying with us just to fool around, and Eris-sama was taking on Aqua's workload.

"Eris-sama often comes down to the world of the living in her spare time, right?" I said. "If you don't mind, just to take a break from work, you can come and pay us a visit in Axel, once our mansion is repaired...and after we deal with this Devil King business."

I attempted to make that offer as casually as I could.

Obviously, I had more selfish reasons for wanting Eris-sama to come over to the mansion.

I didn't have lewd intentions, or anything.

I just wanted to better my relations with the gentle Eris-sama, who never fails to heal the wounds of my heart.

"Hmm...that offer doesn't sound too bad. And I have to hide out a bit in Axel, anyways…"

She said something mysterious at the end there.

But, it seemed that she was interested in the offer?!

Having a goddess...a real one, unlike Aqua...visit my home, was an exhilarating development!

I began to think of all the lovey-dovey scenarios I could have with Eris-sama.

Accidentally catching the sight of Eris-sama changing.

Having Eris-sama's laundry mixed up with mine.

Having late night talks while sitting under the kotatsu, and then…

And then…?!

I was about to continue the conversation further, but above us, the voice of another goddess penetrated the quiet of Eris-sama's domain.

"Oi, Kazuma! I'm done healing you! It was disgusting having to clean up your brain juice, so you better treat me to some alcohol later! Geez, your head exploded like a watermelon when it collided with the wall!"

Leave it to Aqua to provide stark details about a traumatic event.

A column of light descended upon me, and I was slowly propelled upwards.

Eris-sama smiled as she looked up at me.

"Well, then, expect to see me soon, Kazuma-san."

"Yeah! I'll make sure to unlock your route, this time!"

She pouted and stomped her foot on the ground. "Geez! You shouldn't tease a goddess!"

Eris-sama would always be my main heroine.

I didn't even mind if they were padded.

 **Part 6**

"Ah, he's back."

I was lying on a bed.

From the sides, leaning down to watch over me, was my party.

"We were so worried," Darkness said. "I mean, your head really did blow up like a watermelon!"

"Enough with the watermelon analogy already!"

I sat up and rubbed my head. Aqua's powers were amazing. I didn't feel any complication or the slightest indication that my head had, well, blown up like a watermelon.

"What happened to you last night?" Megumin said. "The chief told us that you were being controlled by the Devil King army, but...is that all they did to you?"

A gloomy mood settled on the girls.

I thought about what had almost happened to me.

If it wasn't for the lengths the girls would have gone to after I died, as Feydrick foresaw in his vision, I would have faced a more tragic outcome.

I was overtaken with a mix of emotions I couldn't describe.

A mix of gratitude and overwhelming relief.

"E-Eh?! Is Kazuma crying?! So did something happen to him after all?!"

"Quick, Megumin, do something to cheer him up!"

"Why me?! Uh, t-tell you what, we can sleep together in the same bed again tonight! You seemed to enjoy that, right?!"

"S-So you two did sleep together that night, huh?! Kazuma, how could you?!"

As Darkness proceeded to strangle me, and as Aqua tried to hold her back, I couldn't help but let out a deep sigh of relief.

Everything was back to normal.

But this state of serenity didn't last long at all.

I remembered that the plan was for me to cause a distraction, and for the Devil King army to follow up with an assault later.

Eris-sama said that the chief was already expecting an attack, but I didn't think that they were prepared for a full-on assault.

Maouko didn't explicitly say so, but the whole camp had been active and involved in the war time preparation.

And a Devil King army leader, Sylvia, who had high magic resistance, would participate in this attack, too.

This wouldn't just be a contained skirmish like the other day.

As if to punctuate my thoughts, a booming crash echoed from outside.

It was followed by music.

And then a melodic singing voice.

"Rush, rush! Go to the finish line~! Clap, clap! Glowing hearts~! Snow Halation!"

An appreciative roar of what seemed like a thousand voices followed Maouko's singing.

A high levelled Bard like Maouko with an army under her command was a deadly combination.

And with our link severed, Maouko would know that I was no longer under her command.

Bluffing her was out of the question, then.

All that was left now was to fight her head on.

"As I'm still recovering from my injury, I'm thinking of just resting here," I said.

Maouko was a fearsome opponent. And she had a powerful diviner on her side, as well as the perfect counter for the Crimson Demons, Sylvia.

I wanted to avoid such a one-sided confrontation.

Megumin grabbed me by my collar. "Oi! I'm tired of this pattern of having to convince you to fight every time! We all know that you're going to end up fighting anyways after whining and sulking, so why don't you just skip to that part, huh?!"

I shook myself from her grip. "Help! This little girl is attacking an injured person like me!"

In the end, like always, I was pulled along with the flow.

The girls worked to equip me with my gear.

I expended all of my arrows earlier. I only had my partner to work with.

With my primary means of dealing damage taken away, I'd have to rely more on my partner than usual.

No, rather than forcing myself to take on a damage dealing role, I would have to focus on providing support in this fight.

"OK, it looks like we're ready. Let's go!"

The others reciprocated Aqua's cheer.

Meanwhile, I was praying to Eris-sama for protection.

We ran outside. They had been nursing me in Funifura's house, but there was no one home. I assumed that Funifura and Sakunori-san already went out to gather with the others.

It wasn't an aerial assault this time. The Devil King army used the warded route in the forest to infiltrate the village.

This made it easy for the Crimson Demons to take potshots at the front liners, but…

The one leading the incoming Devil King army was Sylvia.

She easily absorbed the initial volley of spells.

I couldn't find Maouko's location within the flood of Devil King army soldiers. As she continued to sing, an almost tangible aura was rising from the army, especially so with Sylvia.

The army was about to approach the boundaries of the village. I turned to Darkness.

"Oi, Darkness, who hasn't contributed in any meaningful way in our recent battles, it's time to do your job as a Crusader."

"I-Is that what you really think of me?! Kuh! I'm not going to reply because actions are more powerful than words! Here I go! Decoy!"

Using Decoy on herself, Darkness made a linear charge to the army.

I didn't tell her to do that at all.

In fact, I was going to provide more instructions.

"Aqua, follow after that muscle for brains idiot and provide support. Despite how she is, she's going to get herself killed if she takes a whole army on by herself."

"Got it, Kazuma! Leave it to me!"

With those two gone, I still had one more impulsive person by my side.

Already, the orb on her staff was glowing a dangerous red.

And her eyes followed suit.

"Kazuma, there's no way that I, a master of Explosion magic, can ignore a mob of Devil King army soldiers just begging to be hit by my Explosion!"

"Yes, you can! Ignore them, please!"

I knew full well that Megumin spent all of the SP she gained from defeating the Devil King on Explosion power and casting speed.

With an emphasis on the former.

Not to mention all those magic items she purchased that increased magic power.

When we practiced in the outskirts of the capital, she had aimed the Explosion at the sky, which not only obliterated an incoming storm front, but still managed to destroy a portion of the forest below, just from the after shock.

She had a veritable nuke in her hands.

"You'll blow up the whole village, or even the whole continent, for all I know! Explosion magic is banned from now on!"

"F-From now on?! Then I might as well cease to exist! You've taken my only reason for living, Kazuma!"

She grabbed my collar and shook me from side to side.

With Megumin having an existential crisis.

With Darkness charging recklessly into the enemy, and Aqua tearfully following her.

With the Crimson Demons behind me content in executing flamboyant poses and catch phrases rather than engaging in actual battle.

"I surrender, Maouko-sama! Please have mercy on me!"

I cried a plea of surrender to the enemy.

 **Chapter 9 END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting this Girl with Screws Loose with the Ultimate Explosion!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Gifting this Girl with Screws Loose with the Ultimate Explosion!**

 **Part 1**

"Explo-!"

"Counterspell!"

I wasted my limited mana resource on Megumin, who kept trying to unleash that cataclysmic spell on us.

"Kazuma! If I use Explosion now, then all our immediate problems will be dealt with! That is usually the case, isn't it? All of our problems so far have been cleanly resolved with the constant application of Explosion magic!"

"That was indeed the case before you levelled up that already uselessly powerful spell into-into a world breaking phenomenon!"

"G-Geez, Kazuma, if you praise me so openly-"

"What part of that was praise?! Go take a Skill Point reset already!"

"But, Kazuma, if we don't resolve this battle quickly, the peaceful life we both want will…"

A peaceful life.

What she confided in me, during the night we slept together.

Her confession during our intimate pillow talk.

"You're thinking something absurd right now, aren't you?"

"Megumin, surely, you must understand that the concept you so desire, a 'peaceful life', is antonymous to your solution involving that overpowered spell."

"Nonsense. Explosion magic is the solution to everything."

"Is this the head?! Is this the head of the one who is apparently the greatest genius of the Crimson Demon clan?!"

"Ow! OK, OK, I was just joking! For the most part."

With that settled, Megumin conceded, oh so very reluctantly.

Darkness had already reached the enemy frontlines, and was doing an admirable job of holding back Sylvia and the rest of the frontline fighters.

However, if it wasn't for Aqua applying constant heals and buffs, I was sure that Darkness would have already died at least once.

Darkness provided a temporary stop-gap measure, but even she wouldn't hold.

I turned to the miscellaneous cast of Crimson Demons behind me, sorting through them to find a familiar face.

I identified Arue and Megumin's school friends, who were attempting to provide long range support for Darkness.

Megumin and I joined them. Arue gave us a nod as we fell behind her.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

Only about half of the village's combat able were present.

"They should be here soon, probably equipping themselves before heading out. The NEETS...I mean, the militia force led by Buzucoily-san and Soketto-san, is also preparing to engage."

"I see. So that accounts for everyone, then."

Though, I couldn't shake off the feeling that we were forgetting someone.

"Our priority now is to identify the enemy mages," I said. "The Dimensional Anchor will disperse once we eliminate the enemy mages."

"Um, that's what we figured, too, Satou-sama," Funifura-said, "But so far, their mages have not countered our spells, or raised any Magic Barriers. And since we've already wiped out a substantial amount of foot soldiers, we think that their mages didn't come along with the assault contingency, for some reason."

Probably, Maouko chose to keep her mages safe in the encampment, or somewhere else, just so we couldn't disrupt the Dimensional Anchor effect.

She really wanted to keep us here.

That meant that she was confident in her victory.

For now, though, both forces were at a stalemate.

Back in Japan, when I played a certain popular RTS game, I was the type to go for cheesy rush tactics that take down the opponent in one move.

I had mained Pr*toss, in that certain game.

Thus, I barely had any experience in slow-paced battles.

But what I did know, from my varied but not at all extensive reading of historical accounts, battles of attrition depended entirely on the morale and collective willpower of the fighting forces, rather than any intricate strategic brilliance on the tactician's part.

In fact, any unnecessary administrative interventions often times served to deter military success, than evoke it.

...This was my excuse, I mean, reasoning, for not directly engaging in the battle.

Eventually, Buzucoily-san's 'militia force' made their appearance. They walked ceremoniously through the crowd, led by Buzucoily-san and a beautiful woman I've yet to meet, who carried a wooden sword and wore clothing that I'd associate with an atypical delinquent, rather than the beauty she was.

"The NEETS-I mean, the militia force," Arue said, "are some of the most powerful magicians in the clan. This is because they have a lot of spare time to grind in the forest full of powerful monsters."

Instead of grinding in an MMO, the NEETS of this fantasy world actually went out to grind real monsters.

But somehow, even the NEETS of this world were still viewed as unproductive.

How grossly unfair.

Buzucoily-san and this Soketto-san broke through the ranks to join Darkness in engaging the enemy.

After easily dispatching the soldiers who foolishly met their assault, they combined their magic to form some kind of fiery tornado, right in the middle of the Devil King army.

"E-Eh? W-Who is that beautiful girl beside Buzucoily-san?"

Behind me, I was met with an incredulous and heartbroken Rain.

Who was still, unfortunately, garbed in Crimson Demon attire.

I ignored her.

"Hey, Kazuma, even that no good NEET is showing off with flashy AoE attacks. Why won't you let me have a turn, huh?"

I hoped that the other Crimson Demons could end this battle before this Explosion addicted little girl finally loses it.

 **Part 2**

"Fight for me~! Fight to your deaths~! Don't worry, because there's an afterlife for devils who give up their lives in combat, probably~!

From somewhere within the army, Maouko was still singing and giving status buffs to her army, though her lyrics were starting to lose it's optimistic themes.

"Uuuooooh! I will gladly die for Maouko-sama!"

This lot bought the propaganda eagerly.

Half an hour had already passed.

Breaking my expectations, Darkness was still going strong with engaging Sylvia.

With nothing else to do, I used Foresight and Lip Reading to spy on their battle.

"To withstand this much damage, even though you have missed all of your attacks so far...kuh! I have to begrudgingly give my respect to you, knight of Eris!"

"Thank you very much, Sylvia-san! Wow, I mean, it seems kind of weird that I'm flattered over an enemy's praise, but, listen to this, Sylvia-san, even if I do have...certain tendencies, I do appreciate being complimented sometimes, but you see my party often teases me and…"

"Gah! Enough! I don't care about your inter-personal relationships!"

"Heal...Heal...Protection from Evil...Blessing...Heal…"

Directly behind Darkness, Aqua, who had been casting restoration and status-buff spells non-stop, was starting to look like the undead she despised.

She had to persist, though, wait seemed that Darkness did not intend to give up.

Spells being thrown about.

Soldiers with magic resistance buffs tanking them.

The Militia Force penetrating an opening Darkness and Aqua created to unleash a brief burst of damage, before the tide of battle once again lulled into monotony.

"S-Somehow, this is getting kind of tiresome," Rain said.

Indeed, it was.

Megumin started chanting once more.

"That was not the cue for you to intervene!"

"Ouch! You don't have to hit me so hard everytime! I'm not Darkness, you know!"

She was not Darkness, which was why I didn't hesitate to deal out physical punishment, as I knew Megumin wouldn't treat it as a reward rather than what it was.

"Magic Missile, Magic Missile, Magic Missile, Magic Missile...I'm out of mana, I need a potion."

Even the Crimson Demons, with their seemingly endless magic power, were starting to fatigue from this prolonged battle.

But at Maoko's side, even if the Crimson Demons have wiped out almost half of her army, with their numbers, they still had more than enough to overtake the Crimson Demons, who were slowly losing mana reserves.

And with a Bard on their side, morale and spirits were still high.

"Kazuma, you need to come up with a plan, like you always do," Megumin said.

"You don't need to tell me, OK?! And with all your supposed genius, how come I'm the one who has to do all the thinking around here, huh?!"

"If you want my opinion so much, you already know what I'm going to say, right?! Explosion, Explosion, Explosion, that's what I want!"

"In that first battle with Maoko, you were so obedient, choosing to reign in your desires. What happened to that meek Megumin? I want her back!"

"I'm just backed up, OK?! If I don't do it once in awhile, even I will lose self-control and crave some kind of release!"

"Can you not say those words while fidgeting so suggestively?!"

I said this as I held the shoulders of Megumin, who had started to squirm against her staff.

"Actually, Satou-sama," Rain said. "Given our circumstances, I believe that deploying Megumin-san's Explosion is indeed our only answer."

I hated to admit it, but Rain was right.

Explosion was practically built to take out large mobs like this.

But, the same problem remained.

With the army so close to us, we couldn't cast Explosion, or else risk getting us all caught up in it as well.

If only we could use still use the Teleportation spell, but that wily Maoko chose to hide her mages in the encampment...

"!"

"...I know that look, Kazuma, you thought of something, didn't you, didn't you?!"

"Yeah, I did. Though, in hindsight, this was the obvious solution. OK, gather up, everyone, this is the plan."

As I finished explaining it to them, Rain raised a hand.

"Um...even if we do that, I don't think we should underestimate the AoE range pf Megumin-san's Explosion. Maoko probably took that into consideration when she left her mages behind."

"And I don't think you should underestimate your own capabilities, or that of the Crimson Demon clan's, Rain-chan, " Arue said.

"...Um, why are you adding '-chan' to my name. Aren't you younger than me?"

Arue stuck out her chest. "Oh, am I really that much younger than you, Rain- _chan_?"

"Ugh!"

Megumin placed a hand on Rain's shoulder in sympathy.

As they split off to tell the other Crimson Demons about my plan, I called out to Darkness.

"Oi, you useless Crusader who couldn't even land a hit once, it's time for you to retreat already!"

Even in the middle of battle, Darkness felt the need to retort.

"A useless Crusader?! Kazuma, I very much resent that! It was I who stalled this formidable foe since the beginning of this battle!"

"This formidable foe of yours isn't even attempting to do dodge your attacks anymore! Just do what I say and come back here!"

"Kazuma, Kazuma, what should I do?!" Aqua said. "Darkness doesn't seem like she wants to move at all!"

Aqua, who was desperate to retreat, began to pull Darkness back, but to no avail.

"Drag her here, if you have to!"

"Hnnnnn! I can't, she's too heavy!"

"I'm not heavy! Maybe you're just too weak!"

This battle starved Crusader, who hasn't contributed recently, was reluctant to leave the battlefield.

While the Crimson Demons were making their preparations, I needed to extract Darkness from the battlefield myself.

Learning my lesson from last time, I used the Escape skill without adding any additional speed modifiers, lest I lose control of my momentum.

I easily traversed the distance to the front lines.

While I was there, I called out to Buzucoily-san's NEET forces.

"Buzucoily-san, please fall back for now!"

He was in the the middle of casting another combination spell with Soketto-san.

Buzucoily turned to his group. "You heard Kazuma-kun, everyone, please full-attack for now!"

"I said 'fall back', not 'full attack'! How do you even mix that up?!"

With my plan, there was no danger of these guys getting caught up in the Explosion.

But it would have been vastly preferable if they had come along with me, and regrouped with the others.

I could deal with Darkness in the meantime, though.

"Create Earth, Wind Breath."

"Kazuma? What are you-gahhhh?!"

With her distracted, I pulled out a cloth from my carry bag and wrapped it around her mouth.

"Hmmm~Hmmmhhhhmmhhhhmm~"

As expected, she was squirming about in ecstasy.

"Drain Touch."

I got her in a Full Nelson hold while casting Drain Touch.

She stopped squirming as her body went rigid.

Darkness's opponent, who had been watching our antics incredulously, said this,

"...I don't really understand what's going on," Sylvia said, "but don't think that I'll let you get away that easily!"

"Aqua, cover our retreat," I said.

"I...can barely…*gasp*...breath... Darkness was too heavy…!"

"Drain Touch."

"Uuuooooohhh! You can leave it to me, Kazuma!"

I had given Aqua the vitality I stole from Darkness.

I also asked Aqua to cast some strength enhancing buffs on me, as I made to pull Darkness back.

With Aqua blasting Sylvia with holy magic, impeding Sylvia's attempts to chase us, we soon made it back to the others.

When I finally released her and untied the gag, Darkness looked up at me with a pleased and grateful expression. Her face was flushed and she was shuddering all over. "Shanks vewy mwuch mashter~!"

There was no limit to this fake noble's depravity.

"Satou-sama, we are ready on our end-wait, what happened to Dustiness-sama?!"

Rain said this as she looked at the squirming Darkness on the ground.

"Kazuma gagged her, drained her stamina, then dragged her disgraced body along the filthy ground," Aqua explained, as she caught up with us.

That was indeed what I did, but Aqua didn't need to dispense those details.

And now Rain was looking at me like a mother would to a naughty child.

Aqua was such a tattletale.

"Nevermind that, Rain. If you are all ready, then commence with the plan. I will join you all soon after I get this Depraved-tina here back into working order."

"...I'll tell everyone that you're ready."

She still didn't seem impressed.

As Rain left, Aqua asked me this question,

"You already came up with something, Kazuma? As expected of you! So, what brilliant tactic did you come up with?"

"Oh nothing," I said. "Just resorting to what we usually do."

The mana in the air started gathering into one spot.

"I am Megumin! Number One Mage of Axel! One who has mastered Explosion magic!"

"...Ah, so it's the usual," Aqua said.

"Yup, the usual," I said.

 **Part 3**

"Satou Kazuma, have you finally lost it?! Casting Explosion magic at this range?! You'll kill us all!"

As Megumin began her chanting, Maouko had finally revealed herself among the crowd, flying up into the air with her wings unfolded.

"Oh my, if it isn't my 'master'. How are you doing, Maouko-sama? How can I be of service, Maouko-sama~?"

"...You're so petty! Are you doing all this just because I hypnotized you earlier?! I thought you were more rational than this!"

"Don't just go assuming things!" I said. "You think the world revolves around you, or something?! You're so vain, you probably think this Explosion is about you!"

"Grr! Just because I don't have my mages here, doesn't mean that I can't disrupt your little girlfriend's chanting. Counterspell!"

"Counterspell."

I raised my hand, casting my own Counterspell.

"...Did you just Counterspell my Counterspell?"

"Got a problem with it?"

"..."

"..."

"Counterspell."

"Counterspell."

"..."

"..."

"I hate you," she said.

"Um, in like a tsundere way, or…?"

"Gah! You insufferable little... troglodyte!"

"..."

I didn't know how to respond to such an archaic insult.

With Maouko's attention occupied, Megumin was able to finish her chanting...

"Kazuma, I have completed the evil ritual to unleash the reality breaking powers of Explosion magic. Just give your word, and the powers of a God Slayer shall be yours!"

...Or, rather, factoring in her improved spell-casting speed, Megumin had already finished her chanting a long time ago. Instead, she had been engaging in chuunibyou frivolities all this time.

"Whatever, just do your thing already!"

She turned her gaze, eyes shining a bright crimson, on Maoko.

"I am Megumin! Number One Mage of Axel! One who has mastered Explosion magic!"

"You're doing that routine again?! And from the very beginning?!"

In my anger, I grabbed and pulled on the hair of Aqua, who had the misfortune to be standing right beside me in my state of rage.

"Kazuma?! You'll pull my hair out?! I'll go bald?!"

"Just endure it! The hair of a self-proclaimed goddess like you is bound to sell well in some circles!"

"What kind of perverted market might you be referring to?! Let go of me!"

As Aqua and I were playing tug-of-war, Maoko eyed Megumin with hate in her eyes.

"So, you're the one who killed my father. Hmph. But from what I hear, you merely got lucky last time. Somehow, your party was able to strip my father from his Devil King armor, but…"

Maoko flicked her cape open, fully revealing the blood-red armor she wore underneath, which heavily resembled that of her father's.

Covering almost every inch of the armor where paper talismans.

Detect Magic made me aware that they were of a thief skill warding nature.

With those many wards, even my high luck powered Steal would have no effect on her.

"Fufu. You still think that this Explosion is meant for you? Did you really think that Kazuma would come up with such a plan that would endanger his friends in the process?" Megumin said.

Maoko shrugged her shoulders. "Quite frankly? From what I know of him, yeah, he would."

To that, Megumin had no answer.

Was my reputation really so bad that even the ruthless Maoko had the right to criticize me?

"Um...Megumin-san, like we told you earlier, we are all ready here. We're just waiting for you," Rain said.

"...OK, fine. Some of the momentum has been lost but, I'll skip forward a bit...My madness! My Distorted Reality! My Righteous Ego...and, um, ah, excuse me, I forgot my lines. This is why you shouldn't rush me! Hold up a second, I wrote this down somewhere…"

As Megumin patted down her robes, Maouko held her wings tight to her body and dove towards Megumin. "Don't think that I'll let you do whatever you want!"

"Not so fast!"

Darkness moved right in front of Megumin, blocking a rapier Maouko had pulled out.

"Hah! With this distance, there's no way you can launch your Explosion magic at me, you'll definitely die, too!" Maoko said, as she avoided an overhead slash from Darkness.

"Like I said," Megumin said, with a sadistic sneer on her lips. "This Explosion isn't meant for you. EX-"

As if sensing it for the first time, Maouko noticed the mana gathering in the air.

But it was nowhere near the battlefield.

It was above the general direction of the Devil King army encampment, in the forest.

Right where Maoko's casters were probably stationed.

Maoko turned her eyes to me, but instead of hate I only saw some mild amusement.

"...Not bad. But from this range, I calculate that the blast will still hit us...well, I say us, but I can still fly!"

"Just wait for it," I said.

"-PLO-"

Rain raised her staff, the Crimson Demons following after her. "Magic Barrier!"

A multi layered Magic Barrier appeared between the border of the forest and the village.

Maoko's eyes widened in frightened realization.

"...Ah, I screwed up."

"-SION!"

Megumin didn't hold back. The tremors knocked all of us down, even Maoko who had been flying in the air.

I told Megumin to aim for the encampment, and she did, but from what I could see, the entire forest and even the area beyond that was devastated by her Explosion.

And not only the ground, the sky and every cloud on it was engulfed by the inferno.

The magic barrier didn't even stand a chance. The layers were easily destroyed.

Thankfully, the last barrier held up, but considering the fact that every Crimson Demon in the village had cooperated to create twenty barriers layered together, and that Megumin's Explosion had easily broken through nineteen of those, was almost enough to make me go insane at the implications.

I had severely underestimated Megumin's power.

In those times we did the routine in the capital, she had obviously been holding back.

Eventually, even the last barrier fell. The Explosion had diminished at that point already, but those on the rear guard of the Devil King army's formation got caught up in the last dying flames.

Every one of us, Devil, Crimson Demon, human, and goddess, all turned our eyes to the little girl responsible for this inconceivable destruction.

She stood with her staff raised, her eyes now blaring violently, trailing a red streak whenever her irises moved.

"God, I love myself," she said.

And then she collapsed.

"..."

Silence fell among all of us.

And all this while, I was thinking:

If I hadn't taken her in.

If I hadn't contributed to her growth, allowed her to get all that EXP defeating high level bosses.

If I had confiscated her adventurer card after defeating the Devil King, and spent her Skill Points somewhere else…

Then maybe, I could have prevented the birth of this monster.

What have I done?

 **Part 4**

"Teleport!"

"Gah! Stay still!"

"I'm behind you, Sylvia! Ray of Frost!"

"Ugh! I hate you Crimson Demons!" Sylvia cried.

The tides of battle dramatically shifted.

The Crimson Demons were flicking in and out of reality as they easily dispatched the enemy.

Maoko was hovering above the battlefield, surveying the condition of her army.

And even from the ground perspective, I could tell that it was not good.

I felt like taunting her.

"Maoko-sama looks quite troubled doesn't she? She might be a genius in strategy but she's surprisingly short-sighted isn't she? Get real, you greenhorn! There's no way that you, an upstart, can compete with a proven, veteran adventurer like me! Know your place!"

What began as a method to aggravate the opponent turned into an ego-tripping rant midway.

I was drunk in the afterglow of my perceived victory.

"I see that you are the type of man who enjoys seeing beautiful women fail in their pursuits, Satou Kazuma. Hmph. What a petty little virgin boy you are."

"D-Don't try to psychoanalyze me! Here, take this! Fireball!"

I extended an arm towards Maoko.

"Rain, can you cast a Fireball on Maoko for me, please?"

Rain reluctantly raised her staff.

"F-Fireball..."

"How shameless, asking someone else to fight your battles after boasting so much. Counterspell."

The spell died before Rain could launch it.

"Kazuma, stop bothering Rain-san. And why aren't you helping us fight? As long as a man has a blade in his hands, he should fight until the very end!"

Darkness said this even as she was in the middle of taking a brutal axe swing to her thigh, but not all showing any indication that she registered the pain.

Sometimes I forgot how frighteningly high her physical specs were.

"Please don't associate me with those other 'men' who feel the need to assert their masculinity with needless bravado. There is no need for me to display my prowess in a battle that's already been won."

"How uncharacteristic of Kazuma, setting off such obvious flags!"

Now that she mentioned it, I was indeed setting off flags left and right.

But no matter.

I was certain of our victory.

It didn't matter how many flags were set.

"Fine! If Kazuma refuses to fight, fall back and go join the immobile Megumin. Someone needs to protect her from stray projectiles, after all."

I shuddered.

"No, please don't make me go near that monster."

That monster who could unleash such a devastating attack.

And all the while cackling maniacally while calling herself a genius over and over.

Megumin had become way too scary!

"Calling your comrade a monster…no, actually, I have a feeling Megumin will just take that as a compliment."

Indeed, she would.

Because she was a monster.

"Hey, I can hear you two insulting me, you know?"

Megumin said, as she was lying prone on the ground with her face squashed against the dirt.

"And can someone help me up already?" she asked. "My face is going numb."

If my options were to fight, or have to be in close proximity with such a dangerous individual...

"..."

I drew my partner. and joined Darkness.

"...Some party members I have! Abandoning me after I made my important contribution!"

I ignored the cries of Megumin as Darkness and I entered the battlefield.

Aqua ran up to join us. "I'm starting to run out of mana," she said.

So even goddesses had their limits.

I gave Aqua a Manatite crystal. She gazed at it. "What am I supposed to do with this? Am I supposed to eat it? Is it tasty?"

"Why are you acting like Komekko?"

After retorting, I reminded myself that this was probably the first time Aqua had need for a Manatite crystal, considering her near limitless reserves. I showed her how to extract mana from the crystal, and allow it to flow into her reserves.

"This feeling is…! It's like getting drunk but without the inconvenient side effects! I can get used to this!"

I snatched the Manatite crystal from her. I read from somewhere that there were people who developed an addiction. These people grew a reliance on the initial rush of mana recovery, which was akin to the euphoric effect of hallucinogenic substances.

"Aqua, the Crimson Demons should be fine for now, so I want you to provide back-up for Darkness and I."

"Allow this beautiful Arch-priest to provide support! Nature's Beauty! Well, well. Are you inspired yet, Kazuma?"

"...I'm inspired to never again entrust you with any significant role. If you're just going to fool around, then go join the depleted Megumin!"

"No, please! Megumin scares me now, for some reason! I don't want to be alone with her!"

It seemed that I was not alone in fearing the human nuke that was Megumin.

With Maoko's soldiers already occupied with the Crimson Demons, including Sylvia, who was now wisely isolated from the rest of the army by Arue and the others, it was easy for us to get some quick and easy kills.

Darkness attracting the attention of the enemy.

Aqua casting status-buffs on me while I snuck around and finished off the soldiers Darkness was aggro-ing.

We were fighting along the archetypical styles of the RPG trinity of Tank, Healer, and DPS dealer, and the method proved almost frighteningly efficient, as we had mowed through at least a quarter of the remaining army by ourselves.

Their forces were dwindling, but Sylvia was still standing strong, tanking magic damage, while Maoko hovered from above, casting illusion magic when she could.

Some Crimson Demons tried taking her down with spells, but that armor of hers, the same type as her father's which survived a point-blank Explosion, easily absorbed the magical assault.

Aside from casting support spells, she remained largely passive.

From what I knew of Maoko, she didn't seem to value the lives of her soldiers, easily abandoning them to retreat by herself during our first battle.

Had she already given up?

After some time, there were only a handful of foot soldiers left. We had pushed them past the village's boundary.

The battle was now taking place in the wasteland Megumin had created.

"...I know a losing battle when I see it. Sylvia, it's time to retreat."

Maoko's looking down at the remains of her soldiers with cold eyes, said this.

"Maoko-sama! If you will allow me, please let me fight until the very end! I refuse to turn my back to my subordinates!"

"Don't be ridiculous. You are far more valuable than all of those grunts combined, Sylvia. I can't afford to lose a valuable asset like you so easily. Now, be a good boy and let's retreat."

Boy?

Perhaps Maoko must have been more emotionally distressed than I presumed, if she confused Sylvia's gender like that.

As Sylvia was about to respond, a bright light emerged from behind the retreating army.

And the light began to take form.

"I am Yunyun! One who will become the next village chief! Master of Advanced Magic! Halt in your advance, evil doers, for the true genius of the Crimson Demon clan will show you true destruction!"

Ah.

I knew I was forgetting someone.

Coming in at a dramatic moment, likely intending to steal the spotlight.

The usual Crimson Demon M.O.

The normally calm and composed Yunyun, the only normal girl of the Crimson Demon clan, had finally become corrupted.

"T-That strange Yunyun who had always been ashamed by her heritage is…!"

"Finally! The daughter of the village chief has finally awakened the Crimson Demon blood inside of her!"

"Fufu. A reluctant hero finally accepting their role in destiny. Perhaps there was once a story like that…"

Of course, her fellow clansmen were appreciating this development.

Yunyun tossed aside the Teleportation scroll she used, as hadn't learned Teleport yet, and drew her wand, pointing it at Maoko.

The skies that were filled with the smog of Explosion began to crackle with lightning as Yunyun raised her hand up in the air.

"Prepare to witness the technique handed to me by my ancestors! Light of Sa-!"

"Counterspell."

I was all too familiar with the impressive utility of Counterspell.

But as an Arch-Wizard who had superior spellcasting speed, all Yunyun had to do was quickly cast another spell, outspeeding Maoko's Counterspell.

"Get out of the way."

Maoko drew her rapier.

"Ah."

Yunyun looked down at her abdomen.

And the blade that was piercing it.

She fell.

 **Part 5**

"Don't worry, I can take care of an injury like this," Aqua said.

She laid her hands on Yunyun, casting a healing spell.

Yunyun still hadn't died, but she was in critical condition.

"What a relief," Darkness said.

When I saw the blade piercing Yunyun, my heart had stopped.

The fact that we had a goddess whose only good quality was her healing spells, had momentarily slipped my mind.

The other Crimson Demons, enraged by what happened to Yunyun, were now engaging Sylvia and Maoko. They casted Planar Binding to ensure that the two wouldn't escape.

Maoko had casted Greater Dispel Magic on herself a few times, but she stopped doing so as as the Crimson Demons responded by continually recasting Planar Binding on her.

"Geez, Yunyun. What were you thinking? Although reckless stunts like that is expected of a Crimson Demon, even I have to question your decision making."

Funifura said this, as she Dodonko, and Arue fussed over Yunyun.

"I'm sorry for worrying all of you," Yunyun said.

"W-Why are you apologizing? W-We're friends, right?"

"F-F-F-F-F-Friends?! Do my ears deceive me?! I, Yunyun, was called a friend by Funifura-san?! Wah! Did I actually die and go to heaven?!"

"If you react that much, I will feel guilty about all sorts of things, you know?!"

Yunyun making a dramatic entrance.

Trying to take down the boss herself.

There were hints of it before, but I didn't know that she was this desperate to prove herself a worthy rival to Megumin.

And I was certain that was what Yunyun attempted to do.

"That Maoko is a coward!" Darkness said. "First, she chose to abandon her subordinates in battle, and now, even though the battle is already near its conclusion, she brought harm upon this pitiful child!"

"...Please don't call me a 'pitiful child'," Yunyun said.

While everyone was fussing over Yunyun, I decided to check up on Megumin, who, despite being faceplanted on the ground, must have heard the commotion about Yunyun.

When I came over, I finally helped her sit up.

"Hello, Kazuma. Thank you for finally removing my face from the filthy ground."

"...Yeah, sorry. But your display kind of spooked me a little. No offence."

"None taken. Inflicting fear in one's opponents is the calling card of the Crimson Demon clan."

"I'm not your opponent, though."

I told her about what happened to Yunyun, but assured her that Yunyun was being taken care of by Aqua.

"Please take me to Yunyun. I want to see if she's OK."

There was a blush on Megumin's face.

The tsun was finally showing her dere.

I helped her up and lenses her my shoulder as we walked over to where Yunyun was.

As we arrived, I heard Maoko speak these words,

"We can't handle this many, and I'm already out of mana. Sylvia, it's time to retreat."

"...Yes, Maoko-sama."

Sylvia and Maoko were eventually overwhelmed by the Crimson Demons.

With a flap of her wings, Maoko hovered over Sylvia and then carried her by the arms.

I didn't expect that Maoko would have the strength to fly with while carrying another person, but they were already specks in the sky by the time Megumin and I arrived.

Yunyun looked up from where she laid. "Ah, Megumin. Listen, I…"

"Hmph. Foolish Yunyun. This is why I will never acknowledge you as my rival."

"I-Is that so…"

Yunyun's face fell as she snatched her eyes away from Megumin.

"Oi, Megumin," I said, "Aren't you being a bit too harsh? You're the one who wanted to check up on her."

"I'm merely telling the truth! Rather than rival this and rival that...you know what I'm trying to say already, OK?!"

Ah, so it was like that.

What a tsundere.

"F-First it was Funifura-san, and now Megumin...am I really in heaven?! Uwaaaa!"

Still healing Yunyun, Aqua began chastising her.

"Stop moving around! You'll reopen the wound!"

We all looked at each other with coy smiles, each of us intending to tease Megumin.

"Ah, I always knew Yunyun and Megumin was Yuri, but to think Funifura would form a love triangle with them…"

Arue, of course, said those words.

"Why you…! Megumin, back me up here, tell Arue that we are not like that with...eh, where did Megumin go?"

As Funifura asked that question, I finally noticed that Megumin had left her position by my shoulder.

I turned around and saw Megumin walking ahead by herself.

No, that wasn't possible.

How was she walking?

She was suffering from mana exhaustion.

I had these thoughts even as I saw Megumin walk ahead in a confident manner.

But then I saw that Megumin had, in her hands, three Manatite crystal which were now empty.

She tossed them to the ground.

I opened my carry bag and examined its contents.

She had pickpocketed me!

"Hey, Megumin…!"

She took off on a sprint.

"Darkness, run after her! That girl is up to something crazy!"

"O-Okay!"

Darkness and I ran after Megumin, who ran at a surprisingly fast pace.

In fact, even with my Boots of Speed and Darkness's physical superiority, Megumin was still outrunning us.

It was then that I remembered.

Megumin had completely obliterated that forest full of high-levelled monsters, so powerful that even the Crimson Demons couldn't completely clear the forest.

And included in her kill total were the mages Maoko stationed in the encampment.

True to my suspicions, Megumin took out her Adventurer's Card.

"M-Megumin, what are you spending that absurdly high amount of Skill Points on?!"

In response to my answer, she pocketed her card after quickly swiping on it, and then raised her staff.

"Oh, the usurpers of reality, heed my call!"

"Gah! Darkness, retreat! Retreat!"

Darkness and I swivelled and reversed our advance.

"Expeditious Retreat!"

I further increased my speed.

"Oi, Kazuma, don't just leave me here!"

We stumbled into the others, who were giving us questioning looks.

"Why are you in such a hurry, Kazuma?" Aqua asked.

"M-Megumin, she's, she's…"

The impact came hard.

We were all sent sprawling into the ground.

But when I looked up, the Explosion hadn't even been cast yet.

There were waves of mana gushing out of Megumin, and the mere force and abundance of it were creating lacerations on the ground before her and sent shockwaves throughout the area.

This was just the preparation stage, and already, we were literally floored by her power.

"I was trapped in the space between worlds, but defied eternity."

The sky was now filled with a malevolent maelstrom of pure mana.

With Maoko out of mana, she didn't have enough to use the Teleportation spell.

I could just imagine her horror as she found herself trapped in the middle of that storm.

"In this eternity, I saw my mortality. What I once desired in violence, I now sought in peace."

The gravity that fell upon us was so great, I couldn't even lift my head anymore.

"And for this peace, I have become a monster."

I quickly said a prayer to Eris-sama.

May I be reborn into an affluent family.

May I have beautiful sisters who were not related to me by birth.

Please, let me resurrect into such a wonderful world!

"Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds!"

The force pressing upon us halted.

I looked up and saw Megumin's back. Her staff was still raised to the sky.

And I looked up above and saw that the mana storm had condensed into a black orb, which blotted out the sun.

It began to expand.

And it kept growing bigger.

Until it was like a balloon about to pop.

"EXPLOSION!"

 **Part 6**

The aftermath of the battle was followed by a well-executed clean-up procedure led by the village chief.

The Crimson Demons were used to conflicts with the Devil King army, after all.

I felt kind of sorry for Maouko. She was so motivated, and tried so hard, and yet the Crimson Demons had treated the whole thing as if it was a chore, after the the fact.

As for me, I was still jittery with battle nerves.

Maouko was a powerful adversary. A thinker instead of a direct combatant.

And she had viewed everything as if it were merely game.

Sacrificing soldiers as if they were pawns.

Regarding everything with a calculative look.

Well, it didn't really matter anymore.

In regards to the clean-up, the corpses and dropped equipment were dealt with by the animation rock golems and the use of the Unseen Servant spell, to use for hard labor.

Rain was using an Unseen Servant now to pile up the body bags in the morgue.

With nothing to do, I took on the self-imposed capacity of Rain's assistant.

"It was already the consensus among some of the mage community," Rain said, "but now, there is no doubt that Megumin-san has become the most powerful mage in the world…"

The same girl who begged to join my party.

Who approached us with a growling stomach.

That same girl I attempted to ditch after learning about her inconvenient power.

To think that the same girl would actually make her boasting and arrogant words into an undeniable reality.

I felt a mix of pride, apprehension, and some insecurity.

If I thought about it, despite everything I said about how useless my party members were, at the key moments, it was their unique talents that managed to pull us out of sticky situations.

Aqua had already brought me back from death multiple times.

Our most powerful enemies were brought down from a single attack by Megumin.

And Darkness…

Darkness was…

"Ah, I suddenly feel better about myself. For a second I was feeling self-conscious about my place in the party, but I thought of a certain muscle-brained Crusader."

"Please don't speak about Dustiness-sama in such a way!"

Rain finished her task in about half an hour. She would have finished earlier, I must admit, if I hadn't been pestering her.

We made our way to the chief's house, where we promised to convene.

At the doorstep, we saw Megumin and her parents. They had luggage with them.

"Ah, Satou-sama. Thank you for your efforts in protecting the village," Yuiyui-san said, as she gave me a small bow.

No, this time, I didn't really contribute much.

Megumin seemed to agree, as she said,

"No, mother. I was the MVP of that battle. You witnessed my Explosion, did you not?! The magic that could shatter worlds?! If you look up into the sky, now, you can see that my Explosion was so powerful, that it made a tear in the fabric of reality itself!"

Despite myself, I couldn't help but look up at the sky to see if Megumin's words held any merit.

Of course, they didn't.

I pulled on the cheeks of Megumin.

"It hurts, it hurts!"

"Now, now. Kazuma-sama, since you're here, would you kindly help us with this luggage?"

"Sure, but where are we headed to?"

"To our home," she said. "The repairs are already complete."

Or so she said, but it had only been a few days since Megumin and Buzucoily-san's homes were destroyed by Maouko's forces.

Then again, if the Crimson Demons could use spells like Golem Creation and Unseen Servant, perhaps such a feat wasn't all that impossible.

Sure enough, when we arrived, both Buzucoily-san and Megumin's homes looked like they had been restored to their original state.

"..."

I should have expected as such, but Megumin's house was quite a sad affair.

"Darkness and Aqua are already inside," Megumin said, "we'll spend our last night in this village here."

The last night.

Although I was pushing for it before, because of the threat of Maouko, I didn't really feel the need to leave immediately, anymore.

I didn't mind if Megumin wanted to spend a few more days in her hometown.

She seemed to sense my thoughts. "I'm feeling really homesick," she said.

So she already considered Axel her real home.

I had some apprehensions earlier.

Seeing such an absurdly powerful magic.

One that could have wiped this part of the continent, had it been directed on the ground.

I didn't know if I could interact with Megumin normally anymore.

And yet, nothing had changed.

"I'm feeling homesick, too," I said.

"Yeah, so let's return quickly."

We both smiled and then shared a giggle.

Really.

Why had I been scared of Megumin?

"Ahem. Are you two just going to stay there making googly-eyes with each other, or what?"

It was Aqua, who had opened the door.

Darkness was looking between Megumin and I with the same suspicion she had been regarding us with, recently.

Yuiyui-san was giving me a knowing look.

Never mind.

I was glad to leave as soon as possible.

 **Part 7**

Yuiyui-san served a 'dinner' of rice gruel and broiled soybeans.

Again, I felt the compulsion to give some much needed money to this family, but Megumin hindered my attempts.

Even though the meal was abnormal, the atmosphere was what you'd expect from any normal family.

Aqua didn't have any restraints, and she was soon telling stories about our adventures, not necessarily showing off about our achievements, like she usually would, but sharing amusing anecdotes from when we were inexperienced rookies.

Yuiyui-san was giggling along while expressing her mild disbelief that a team as powerful as our would actually struggle with toads.

I felt somewhat nostalgic, even though I wouldn't dare exchange the life I had now, with the life I had back then.

Sleeping in the stables.

Or living in comfortable luxury.

It wasn't a matter of principle, the choice was obvious.

Eventually, it got late.

Aqua had passed out after drinking wine she brought along. Darkness was tired after having fought Sylvia non-stop for the majority of that battle.

Komekko, despite her boundless energy, was showing signs of fatigue, as Aqua had played with her a lot.

"Well, then, Kazuma-sama, I will prepare Megumin's old room. You two may sleep there."

Again, Yuiyui-san was up to her usual antics.

"OK. Megumin, I will wash up and then meet you there. Yuiyui-san, please show me the way."

I said this as took out some toiletries from my travel bag.

Megumin frantically looked between me and Yuiyui-san, but knowing that she couldn't reason with us, she turned to her father.

"Father, did you hear what mother and Kazuma is saying?! Will you say something to them?!"

"...*snore*...oh, Yuiyui, you're wearing your old school uniform, huh? *snore"..."

"..."

"Oh my, it seems that your father is having some pleasant dreams."

Megumin was about to go over to Hyoizaburo-san, no doubt to wake him up.

I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Megumin, when I broke free from Maouko's Dominate Person, didn't you promise to do something for me?"

She froze.

"Ah, as expected of the top genius of the Crimson Demon clan. Your memory is impeccable. You promised that in order to cheer me up from my ordeal in the hands of Maoko, that you would sleep together again with me tonight. Remember?"

"...Even though I said that, I was clearly not in the right state of mind. Is this what I get for worrying about you?!"

"When you say it like that, it makes me look like a bad guy."

"Oh, so this bad guy has some self-awareness after all."

The argument was about to escalate, but Yuiyui-san intervened.

"Now, now. Megumin, from the last time you've shared a bed with him, Kazuma-sama had already proven that he is a gentleman who wouldn't do anything without the lady's consent. So what are you worried about?"

"Stop sugar coating it, mother. It's not because he's a gentleman. It's because Kazuma is a herbivore male who would not seize the chance to 'do it' even though one is presented to him."

Even though it was true, being called a herbivore male was too much.

"And why are you so desperate to hook us up, anyway, mother?!"

"Hm? It's only natural? I'm just trying to help my daughter. It seems to me that you like Kazuma-sama, don't you, Megumin?"

"..."

There was an awkward pause.

So far, I had been going along with Yuiyui-san.

But even so, I didn't have any clear direction in mind.

I wasn't so thirsty or desperate to do it.

I was just going with the flow.

Things like romance, however, my inexperienced mind froze at the implication.

Even though a romantic relationship with Megumin, if I were honest, since everyone kept bringing it up, I naturally entertained such thoughts…

Naturally.

And yet, I still haven't come to a conclusion in that regard.

Yuiyui-san continued when we didn't respond.

"Rather, even if Megumin were to say things like 'I don't like Kazuma, he is just a friend', wouldn't it be strange that she'd have such strong reactions to merely sharing a bed with this friend? Didn't Aqua-san mention earlier that she and Kazuma-sama have slept together many times when they lived in the stables? Friends shouldn't have problems with doing that with one another."

"B-But Kazuma is...he's a massive pervert!"

"But Aqua-san didn't have any complaints about Kazuma-sama assaulting her, did she?"

"...I'll say it again, why are you taking this so seriously, mother?!"

"Fufu. Like I said, I'm just trying to help my daughter. If you do like Kazuma-sama, then this is the perfect opportunity for you. And if you don't like him, then there's no harm done. We don't have enough rooms for everyone, anyways."

"You say that, but we already rented rooms from Funifura. You're the one who insisted that we all stay here for the night."

Megumin made a strong point.

"...Megumin, if you don't co-operate, I will cast Sleep on you and give Kazuma-sama the chance to have his way with you."

"What kind of mother are you, huh?! In fact, just saying all that could land you in court, don't you know?!"

Yuiyui-san must have realized along the way that arguing with Megumin was pointless.

I chose to speak up.

"Um, it's weird for me to say this about myself. But even _I_ am not so desperate to do something that would land me in jail."

"So you'd do it if you didn't face jail-time?!"

Megumin took the chance to twist my words.

Yuiyui-san looked at both of us. She gave a weary sigh.

But just when it seemed she would give up...

"Very well. You leave me no choice. Both of you, Sleep."

Drowsiness overcame me.

Beside me, I saw Megumin losing her balance, before Yuiyui-san caught her.

And then my vision turned to black.

 **Chapter 10 END**

 **Next Chapter: I Have Become the Strongest Mage! & Extras**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: I Have Become the Strongest Mage! & Extras**

 **Part 1**

When I came to, Megumin was already up and about.

She was at the door, knocking on it and screaming.

"Mother! Open up this door now and I might forgive you still!"

There was no answer.

When she turned around while letting out a defeated sigh, she made eye contact with me.

"You," she said.

"Uh, hi."

She groaned and slid her back against the door, until she was sat on the floor.

"You could have resisted my mother more," she said.

"What kind of man would resist this kind of situation?"

"Are you that thirsty?! Are you that desperate to get laid?!"

Yes.

It was obvious, wasn't it?

That a virgin like me would be so desperate.

"Whatever. I expected this much from you. Get up. We're getting away from here."

When I made no attempt to move, she rolled her eyes before walking to the room's sole window.

She stood on her tippy-toes and then easily opened it.

"Tch! That Yuiyui-san didn't think this through at all," I said.

"You don't have to be so honest with your disappointment."

She hauled herself up and slid through the window.

And so I was left on my own.

Suffering from blue balls.

"Ah, there's no helping it. I guess I'll 'take care of my needs' right here, in Megumin's old bedroom…"

The speed at which Megumin returned through the small opening of that window was astounding.

"Don't be so difficult, Kazuma! Even if you act this way, there will be no dirty things happening between us, you should know that, right?! Get rid of your unrealistic expectations!"

"Don't underestimate a virgin's resilience."

"Since when did you become so proud of being a virgin?!"

It's not like I would say 'no', when given a chance.

Megumin was still an attractive girl, despite it all.

But at the same time, I really wasn't expecting anything.

I mean, Megumin was Megumin.

I wouldn't do anything that would make things weird between us.

It was just so fun to tease her that I couldn't help myself.

She sighed dejectedly.

"Fine, I'm staying. But just to keep you from doing anything strange. You're sleeping on the floor, Kazuma," she said.

"No, I am the guest here. The host should sleep on the floor."

I expected her to argue, but she relented with a sigh.

"…You do have a point, and it was my own mother's fault that we are in this mess, anyways. Fine, I will sleep on the floor."

She grabbed some spare blankets from the closet and laid them out on the floor.

"No, actually, I will sleep on the floor," I said.

"Are you messing with me, or what?!"

Megumin was breathing hard. She wasn't used to straightman role, after all, and the consecutive retorts were starting to tire her.

"I feel like I'm losing at something if I concede the moral high ground to Megumin."

"You were never in any high ground in the first place. Please don't be so worried about matters you know nothing of, morality being one of them."

I was given a scathing retort.

Megumin gave a huff as she settled down on the bedsheets. She yawned once.

Following our dispute, silence overcame the room.

I felt an itch on my thigh and I reached down to scratch it.

Unfortunately, this motion created a suggestive sound.

"Fap, fap, fap, fap."

This awkward sound echoed throughout the room.

"You're doing something disgusting right now, aren't you?! Are you really that backed up?! If so, then you have my permission to slip through that window and do your 'business' in the bushes outside!"

"I'm just relieving an itch. And I'll have you know that if I was really that backed up, I wouldn't have any problem with doing it in the bushes."

"…Whatever, I don't care anymore. You're just doing this to rile me up anyways."

Yes, I couldn't disagree.

For some reason, I derived absolute joy in teasing Megumin.

I felt giddy.

Like a child about to enact an elaborate prank.

And I wanted to do something more.

Not anything dirty.

But something a bit wilder than usual, that would receive more of a reaction from Megumin.

"Freeze."

I sent an icy wind to Megumin.

She gasped. "Kazuma?! What are you planning now?!"

"Oh, sorry, was that too cold for you? Tinder, Wind Breath."

Minimizing the output, so as not to set Megumin on fire, I sent a gust that reached the temperatures of a heat wave.

"Hot, hot, hot, hot! Why are you doing this to me?!"

"Here, let me bring you back down to room temperature. Create Water."

I aimed a focused stream of water on her pants.

The fabric was soaked at the crevice between her legs.

"…"

She couldn't find the words to retort as she looked down at her wet pants.

"Hey, Megumin, didn't you tell me that Crimson Demons don't need to use the bathroom? If you needed to go, you could have used that empty bottle over there."

"I'll say this once more, what do you expect me to do with that empty bottle?!"

I was practically shaking in amusement.

What was this feeling?

I enjoyed teasing Aqua and Darkness, too.

But somehow, it was different with Megumin.

Maybe because, unlike the other two, there was a chance of retaliation with Megumin?

Did I derive excitement from the sense of danger involved?

But that couldn't be, as I wasn't in any way an adrenaline junkie.

Really, I was acting strange.

Megumin grabbed a towel and dabbed it on her pants. "I don't know where that outburst came from, but are you done now? We're leaving tomorrow morning, right? We should go back to sleep."

She was acting calm, but I already knew that she was constructing a revenge plot.

"…"

"Hm? Kazuma? What's wrong, you had gone quiet all of a sudden."

"Freeze."

"Again?! Stop it, stop it! I must have made you mad at some point, that's why you're doing this, right?! What is it, tell me what I have to apologize for!"

"Sorry. I was just testing my emotions, seeing if I felt joy in seeing you suffer."

"So you've finally awakened your sadistic side, huh? This is kind of inevitable, isn't it?"

It was already late, and the exhaustion of the day was finally catching up to me.

We had been arguing, but now a stretch of silence ensued.

My eyes drifted close a few times, and around the time when I thought I would finally succumb to sleep, I felt the shuffling of sheets beside me.

And then I felt the warmth of a body.

"Kazuma, Kazuma! T-T-There's a bunch of cockroaches on the floor! One of them almost entered my mouth!"

Somehow, I wasn't surprised.

This was the house of a family way below the average standards of living.

So there were roaches, huh?

I didn't care what Megumin had to say, I was definitely leaving some money to Yuiyui-san.

The bed was small.

This had been a young Megumin's bed, after all.

Even though I wasn't especially tall, I still had to bend my knees if I didn't want my legs dangling down the edge of the bed.

I looked down at Megumin, still shivering from her close encounter with roach-kind.

Breathing hard, a slight sheen of sweat making her face look radiant as the moonlight shone on it.

She looked beautiful.

I couldn't believe that this was that same Megumin.

We were so close.

Her hands, whether she realized it or not, were pressed against my chest.

My heart was beating.

I was actually feeling some desire for that Megumin!

"I might need those bushes pretty soon."

I couldn't help but blurt this out.

 **Part 2**

"In the end, it still turns out like this," Megumin said.

I couldn't see her face, as we had our backs to each other, but I could imagine that she was looking pretty pissed, then.

She couldn't leave, in fear of what I might do in her bedroom.

And she couldn't sleep on the floor, since there were roaches.

And so we were sleeping together once more, though our sleeping positions were like that of a couple in a love-less marriage.

This time around, though, we were all alone.

There was no Komekko between us...

Which might explain why Megumin was so agitated.

But this only made me want to tease her more.

"Are you sure you should be so lax around me?" I asked. "I'll have you know that men are like wolves in sheep's clothing, and you are now in my hunting grounds. Welcome to the gates of hell!"

"Don't flatter yourself. Kazuma is more of a scavenger than a hunter. Instead of a wolf, you're more like a dung beetle"

"…"

I couldn't come up with a sufficient response.

She laughed and I could feel her shoulders shaking.

"Calling me all sorts of names…even though I have accomplished so many great deeds!"

She laughed again, but somehow, this wasn't the usual laughter I heard from Megumin.

It was...if I had to describe it…

It was the girly kind of laugh I used to hear idols from TV use, when they were trying to act cute.

Except with Megumin, it didn't seem pretentious, or even intentional.

"I do have to agree with you on that part. Even though Kazuma is lazy, doesn't have initiative, and an enemy of all women, you do have some admirable traits."

"Oh? I'm interested. What are those traits?"

I ignored those other comments about my laziness.

"You want to flex your ego that much, huh? Very well, I'll humor you. Despite being a coward, Kazuma is reliable when it counts. Despite treating us like we're burdens dragging you down, you've shown that you are loyal, and that you care about your comrades. Really, if you act like more of the reliable Kazuma rather than your despicable alter-ego, Scum-zuma, I think that you'd be more popular with women."

I couldn't help but blush at her honest words.

"Oh, did I leave you speechless? You can't handle praise, huh? Kazuma is meeker than I thought."

It was Megumin who was the weird one, not at all feeling embarrassed after saying all those things.

And yet she continued.

"And Kazuma has this effect on other people, too, especially our party. You make us better, drawing out our full potential. I don't think I could have reached the heights I have achieved now, if I hadn't met Kazuma. Right now, when I claim to be the strongest mage, or call myself a genius, I don't feel like I'm just boasting anymore. I actually feel…confident in myself, true confidence, not like the ostentatious way I presented myself before. And it's all thanks to you, Kazuma, for putting up with a troublesome mage like me."

Where did this moe come from?!

Seriously, my heart was actually beating for Megumin!

And this wasn't the hormonal fueled desire that overtook me earlier…

This was…this was…!

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

I was just taken off guard by Megumin, after all.

Once I had calmed myself, I responded to her words.

"I-I think that you accomplished all these things by yourself, Megumin," I said. "It's not like I especially encouraged you to pursue Explosion magic. I think I even discouraged you a lot of times."

Why was I denying her praise so much?

Even though I could just confidently say 'You're welcome', or offer a snide comment like I usually would.

Perhaps, I wasn't used to getting praised?

Well, in regards to NEET like me, there was not a lot to praise.

And yet Megumin saw all these things in me…

To think that I'd have my composure broken by this little girl!

"Nonsense. You helped me with my routine every day. Sure, you'd complain about it from time to time, but you kept your promise. Ah, that's another one of your good points, you keep your promises."

I couldn't help but blush at her words.

This impudent little girl was so casually hitting on me!

Saying all the things I wanted to hear!

"If you say all this, it's almost like you're saying that you like me. What, is this a confession? Has my popular period finally arrived?"

I retaliated with this.

Surely, I would regain control of this conversation if I managed to disorient Megumin…

"But, I do like Kazuma?"

My heartbeat spiked once.

I was the one who was disoriented instead!

"E-Eh?!"

She chuckled. "Why are you getting so excited?"

"B-Because you…!"

She laughed even more.

I made myself calm down.

If I fell to her provocations, I was sure that Megumin would smile mischievously and say something like 'Ah, did you actually believe me?'

This tricky girl, I almost fell for that trap!

"So, since I went out of my way to flatter you, what does Kazuma have to say about me?"

So that was just flattery, huh?

However, she did say some nice to things about me.

It would be somewhat cruel to not say anything in return.

But, what to say about Megumin…

I had a feeling that if I said anything apart from praise and adulation, I would receive some sort of retaliation.

But, somehow, it really wasn't too hard to come up with compliments for this recent version of Megumin.

Certainly, I couldn't quite rely on my old impressions of the troublesome Megumin.

Calling her a useless mage would now be a false statement.

And as I got to know her, I learned that Megumin had a mature side, too, even though she liked to act like a delusional middle-schooler most of the time.

Really, there were a lot of contradictions to her personality.

I used to think that Megumin was cold hearted, but then she went on that rage after Yunyun got hurt, and afterwards, deployed her most powerful Explosion yet.

And I knew that Megumin would go to the extremes for her comrades.

But, to just say all of this, it was embarrassing.

I didn't know how Megumin said those things about me without any hesitation.

When I thought about it, however, there was a way…

"Hey, Megumin, about our Explosion routine, how high do the scores go up to?"

"Oi, don't change the subject! If you have nothing good to say about me, then just shut up!"

"Just humor me this time."

"…I guess it goes up to about a 100."

"So that's the limit, huh?"

Considering how we were, there _was_ a way to convey what I thought about Megumin properly.

"120," I said.

That's the score I would give Megumin.

As a friend.

As a party member.

As the strongest mage.

A score that broke the limits.

I felt Megumin turn around, but I still kept my back turned to her. "Hm? 120? What do you mean by that?" she asked.

I brought my blanket around me as I sunk my head deeper into my pillow.

"N-Nothing! Well, I'm getting sleepy. Good night, Megumin."

"Oi, I think I have some idea about what you meant, but I want you to say it clearly! Hey, Kazuma? Kazuma?!"

 **Part 3**

Unlike Aqua, Megumin didn't have an atrocious sleeping posture.

In fact, she looked like her age as she slept with the blankets drawn up to her chin, and with her fingers peeking out the top of the blanket as she grasped it for comfort.

Therefore, I actually felt something when I woke up next to a pretty girl.

"Yahoo!"

I couldn't help but let out a cheer.

"…Kazuma, what are you so excited about?"

Megumin stirred a couple times before she opened an eye.

I smiled. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"…!"

She sat up and started patting down her clothes.

"Relax. I didn't do anything. I'm not that kind of guy."

I didn't mention that I did think about doing something, but decided not to.

She let out a sigh of relief. "Phew. So Darkness was right. You wouldn't have the guts to do it even though you have the chance."

"So Darkness was the one badmouthing me, huh?! I'm going to have to discipline that girl who is spreading malicious lies about me!"

"They are hardly lies, though?"

I didn't have enough energy to take this abuse so early in the morning.

I walked up to the door and held the knob. "Open Lock."

Using the thief skill Open Lock, the door was easily unlocked.

"…"

Behind me, Megumin settled into an uncharacteristic silence.

"You mean we could have just walked out this whole time?!"

I couldn't react as Megumin, with her increased stats, dove at me.

"Ouch!"

We fell on the floor.

"You don't need oxygen that much, do you? Here I'll squeeze some out!"

"Y-You'll kill me! You'll actually kill me!"

This girl hadn't noticed the increase in her physical abilities yet!

Or maybe she did, and she just didn't care if I died or not.

As I fought off Megumin's grapple attempts, the door opposite to ours opened.

A drowsy Aqua came stumbling out.

Megumin and I froze before we separated from one another.

Aqua looked at each of us in turn.

"…Was I imagining things, or did I just see Kazuma and Megumin come out of the same room? And I think I saw Megumin on top of Kazuma while she was straggling him by the waist?"

The way she worded that was just full of so many troubling implications.

"I-I think you're still half-asleep, Aqua? Why don't you wash your face with cold water, maybe that will wake you up?"

Megumin batted away Aqua's suspicions while laughing suspiciously.

How unconvincing.

But still, this was Aqua we were dealing with.

Aqua nodded once before shuffling away to the bathroom.

Megumin and I looked at each other as we shared a sigh of relief.

"Oh, my. If Aqua-san's descriptions were correct, then that must mean that everything went well? Fufu."

Maouko was just the mid-boss.

The final boss appeared.

"D-Don't think that I'll forgive you that easily, mother! Locking me in with such a sexually deprived NEET…it's a good thing that Kazuma is so weak-willed, or I could have met a tragic outcome by now!"

"…How about I show you exactly what a 'sexually deprived NEET' can do once he is aggravated past what he is willing to put up with?"

Having these accusations thrown about, I made this threat.

Yuiyui-san smiled gently despite the increasing tension.

"Fufu. For now, let's all have some breakfast, which are leftovers of the rice gruel and broiled soybeans from yesterday!"

"…"

I had a feeling that there was no distinction with dinner or breakfast with this family.

Since we've been here, I'd only seen them eat rice gruel and broiled soybeans.

"…Yuiyui-san, please don't take offense. Here is some money, it's nothing much."

Once again, Megumin hindered my attempts.

 **Part 4**

After 'breakfast', we started bringing our luggage down into the living room.

Megumin brought Chomusuke's cage down. She was still sleeping, that lazy cat, but she stirred awake when Megumin settled the cage down next to some travel bags.

"Let's say our goodbyes to the others for now," I said. "And then we'll leave."

"Do you really have to leave so soon?" Yuiyui-san said.

"…Why are you surprised? You've caused me a lot of trouble with your antics. Of course I want to leave ASAP," Megumin said.

"Ah, my daughter has finally reached her rebellious stage. Papa, please talk to her."

Hyoizaburo sighed at Yuiyui-san's fake dramatics.

Still, he went over to Megumin and then patted her head.

"You've grown up so well. I'm proud of you," he said.

Megumin blushed. "You're not the perfect father, but…thank you, for teaching me to never give up on my dreams."

"Megumin…!"

"Father…!"

"Onee-chan, please come back and bring me more treats from the capital. I especially liked the candied apples."

This heartwarming moment was interrupted by the greedy demands of Komekko.

"If Komekko wants to, we can bring you to Axel sometime. I'll treat you to all the goodies you can handle!"

Komekko's eyes lit up. "Is that a promise, Onee-chan?!"

"Yup! It's a promise!"

"Then let's make it legally binding. Please sign here, thumb print here, and I'll need a blood sample, please."

"…"

This little girl was going to be great someday.

Our next stop was Yunyun's house. Yunyun was planning to come back to Axel, but the chief insisted that she stayed a few days, as a precaution for the injuries she sustained.

We found Funifura, Arue, and Dodonko there as well.

As Megumin chatted with her friends, I was approached by the village chief.

"Thank you for your efforts, Satou-sama. You will always have a place as the general of the Crimson Demon's War Council."

"Please don't associate me with that phony council of losers and burnouts."

He completely ignored my insults.

"And I must thank the King for having the foresight to send you to us, in our time of need. The enemy was much stronger this time than we are used to."

"…Don't cause so much trouble for the King and just rescind the village's sovereignty already. This issue would have been taken care of much easily if the King could send his forces here without breaking some kind of territorial law."

"Sovereignty…? Ah, that's right. We declared independence from the country long ago. So there was still a thing like that, huh?"

"…"

I was glad to leave this village.

I left Megumin to chat with her school friends. Darkness wanted to visit that blacksmith once more while Aqua was content to sight-see by herself one more time.

I took this chance to seek Rain, who would be Teleporting us out of this place.

I found her, of course, with Buzucoily-san.

With nothing else to do, I decided to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"I will be leaving soon, Butsuwutzy-san," Rain said.

"…I've been meaning to say this, but you've been getting my name wrong this entire time."

"Sorry, I stuttered."

"No, I'm pretty sure you're doing this on purpose."

"Sowwy, I stuttered."

"It wasn't on purpose?!"

If this was what their conversation was going to be like, then I had no desire to listen.

I could just find Rain again once she was done with her business.

As I was walking away…

"…So, Buzucoily-san, you fought together with a very beautiful girl yesterday…I believe her name was Soketto-san?"

"W-Why do you look so angry, Rain-san? And didn't you just say my name correctly just now?'

"Did I stutter? Now, who was that girl? Please tell me."

"N-No, it's not what it looks like?!"

Buzucoily-san just carelessly said the most typical line of cheaters.

I found even further incentive to leave.

I walked around the village, taking in the sights without the danger of Maouko's forces constantly hanging over my head.

The home of the Crimson Demons didn't have the natural beauty of Alcarentia.

And certainly, it was behind the industrial development of a place like the capital.

But there was a certain charm to this place.

An exotic quality, almost.

In the town centre there was a realistic looking statue of a griffon.

Next to a blacksmith's store, there was a sword that was lodged in a stone, just like that popular legend back in my old world.

There was even a shrine, though the object of worship, what appeared to be a bishoujo figurine of some sort, was somewhat questionable.

"…"

Nevermind.

There was nothing charming about this place, at all.

 **Part 5**

With all the farewells exchanged.

And after I had secretly given Yuiyui-san all the cash I had in my wallet.

We were ready to go home.

"Ah, first, we should stop by the capital," Rain said. "I'm sure the king will appreciate a detailed report of our mission."

Going back to the capital…

I didn't mind a quick stop.

And I could hang out with Iris for a few days.

Or a few weeks.

Megumin immediately intervened.

"No, no. We will have none of that. Take us directly to Axel, Rain. You can handle the official stuff on your own."

"I don't mind going back to the capital. They have the finest foods and wine!" Aqua said. "But I've already started to make a base at Axel, which I will eventually rename Alcarentia 2.0 once I seize control of the local municipality!"

I would have taken her threat more seriously if I didn't already know that Aqua's insane cult had a terrible reputation in Axel, which was predominantly of the Eris faith.

Contrasting Aqua's excitement, Darkness let out a weary sigh.

"Although a lot happened this past month, I'm glad that we are able to come back home in one piece," Darkness said.

"To think that I'd hear those words from a masochist like you."

"…Please don't overstate just that one aspect of my personality. I am more complex than any of you give me credit for."

This was the same girl who had wet herself in front of a bunch of nobles, and was calling me 'master' after I finished dragging her along a battlefield.

"…"

"W-Why is Kazuma looking at me with such disbelieving eyes?!"

If anything, we gave her too much credit.

Rain started casting the group Teleportation spell.

Megumin was quiet through it all, but when she saw me looking at her, she gave me a small smile.

There were red sparkles in her eyes as she took Rain's hand, and then my own.

"Let's go back home, Kazuma," she said.

I couldn't help but remember last night…

 _But, I do like Kazuma?_

Even with some time to think about it, I still haven't figured out if that was a confession or not.

And aside from that, we told each other a bunch of embarrassing things, too.

I could feel that the atmosphere around Megumin and I had changed somewhat.

Like I was more conscious of her, or something.

But, being who I was…

An inexperienced virgin NEET…

I couldn't tell if I even liked Megumin in any special way, or if I was just happy that a pretty girl seemed to be flirting with me.

To have such thoughts!

Was this the youth I missed out on in Japan?!

What a bittersweet feeling!

Rain had finally finished chanting.

"Are you all ready?"

We nodded.

"Teleport!"

The light of teleportation magic engulfed us.

…Only for the light to overtaken by darkness.

"…"

I couldn't move.

Aqua was the only one who could move, and she was floating above us.

This pitch-black space…

It was the Ethereal Realm.

Again.

"H-How could this be?! For the Group Teleportation spell to fail twice…?!"

Rain said this with much remorse.

Well, such hiccups pretty much defined all of our adventures so far.

And so, I had come prepared.

"Aqua, grab the rope from my backpack and start pulling."

"Uwaahhh! Not this again! Don't make me pull that heavy Darkness, too!"

"I-I'm not heavy! And we're all weightless in this realm, anyways!"

Beside the screaming Darkness, Megumin let out a weak laugh.

"W-We'll make it back home," she said. "Soon. Probably."

How reassuring.

 **Extra # 1: The Thieving Goddess!**

As usual, Kazuma-kun's party had emerged victorious.

Of course, I've come to expect this much from Kazuma-kun's party.

With the remnants of the Devil King army taken care of, that's another thing I don't have to worry about.

I must thank Kazuma-kun for making my job easier.

I've secured the artifact from Prince Jatis, which resulted in a manhunt for the Chivalrous Thief in the capital.

As such, I needed a place to hide out.

And since Kazuma-kun offered to let me stay in his mansion earlier…

Though, he made that offer to the other me, but…

Well, technically, I'm still the same person!

Right?

Ah, how troublesome.

Bend the rules like a thief.

Or stick by them like a goddess.

Leaving a double life could be so stressful!

…In the end, I found myself in my human avatar, renting a caravan carriage heading to Axel.

"Heading back to Axel, huh?" the coachman of my carriage said. "A bunch of out of town merchants are heading there, did you know? It's because the city suddenly grew a lot of economic interest, since the hero, Satou-sama, and his comrades live there. And for some reason, even though it's a town for beginner adventurers, there's a lot of powerful individuals have made a home there, did you know?"

This information was provided for me even though I did not ask for it.

We didn't run into any trouble along the way, though there was some commotion as some patrolling knights stopped the caravan.

No doubt, they were looking for the Chivalrous Thief.

But with my Disguise skill, I didn't have any problems with them.

"Well, then, thanks for your patronage."

I gave the coachman a generous tip.

Generosity brought back good luck, after all.

When I entered the familiar town, old friends began to greet me.

"Chris? What are you doing here? I thought you moved to the capital?"

I scratched the scar on my cheek. "Ehehe. I'm just not cut out for the big city, it seems."

"Aw, that's too bad. I was rooting for you. Anyways, did you hear, Kazuma is finally returning in a couple days. Heh. About time. That bastard promised to treat me to a beer."

I smiled.

"Ah, Kazuma-kun is returning, huh? Good, because he promised me something as well."

"…What, did he steal your panties again?"

"No, that's not it at all?!"

 **Extra #2: A Conversation at the Bath House!**

"And that's what happened," Feydrick-san said. "Maouko-sama asked me to leave the village before the assault, just in case the worst case scenario occurred…and it did."

"I see."

I had just come out of a splendid bath. I meant to enjoy the green tea I always had after a bath, when a familiar face approached me with a sullen look.

"I don't have any affiliations with Maouko. My contract with the Devil King army ended when her father died."

"You…! What happened to your loyalty, Wolbach?!"

"Like I said, my loyalties lied with her father. I never got along with that Maouko, anyways. Her father might have been a massive pervert, and a complete loon, but at least he cared somewhat about his subordinates and didn't treat them like pawns, unlike his manipulative daughter."

"…It seems that you can no longer be swayed. Very well, then. I must warn you, though, that as the last remaining Devil King army leader, the same heroes who defeated us might come after you."

"From what I've heard of those heroes, they won't come after you if you don't come after them. And what reason would I have for coming after them?"

Feydrick-san smiled. "Oh, trust me, you do have a reason."

He knew something.

He always did.

"Tell me what you know," I said.

"And why should I? We don't have any obligations to each other anymore, remember? This is where we part ways."

"I could just make you talk," I said.

"And you think that I didn't account for that?"

Suddenly, Feydrick-san's form started to disintegrate, until he melted into mud at my feet.

It was an Earth Puppet.

I looked down at my feet, now caked in mud.

"…"

I shuffled over to the old lady at the reception table.

"…Women's bath for one adult, please."

"O-Okay…"

 **Extra # 3: The Late Arrival of a Hero with Good Intentions!**

My name is Mitsurugi Kyouya.

I had once thought that I was the hero chosen to save this world.

But, a fellow reincarnated Japanese fulfilled that mission for me.

Although I was sincerely glad that peace had finally returned to this war-ridden world…

What was this feeling?

It was like the feeling of motivating yourself to get out of bed to go to school.

Only to realize that there was still one more day left in the break until the semester started.

Or yet another analogy…

Finding out that the princess was at another castle.

Yes.

It was a feeling of wasted effort.

But, I didn't feel any misgivings.

Even if I wasn't destined to save the world, I could still save many people with the powers I've been given.

And so I motivated myself once more, to wield the cursed blade Gram, and be of service to the people of this wonderful world!

"…Sorry. If you've come to defeat the remnants of the Devil King army, Kazuma-kun and his party already did that a couple of days ago." This girl, Arue, looked at my new equipment, and the cursed sword Gram. "I like your getup, though."

"…"

At the home of the Crimson Demons, I met a girl named Arue. I had inquired about the Devil King army, and she told me this.

I had begged the King to give me a quest of dire importance.

He had said, at the time, something like, "Well, although it should be fine with him there…I guess it won't hurt to send a powerful young man like you, too."

So that was what he meant.

"It's that Scum-zuma again! Always a step ahead of Kyouya-kun!"

"I wish that panty stealing scumbag would stop stealing Kyouya-kun's spotlight already!"

I calmed my companions, who had a tendency to be overzealous sometimes.

Satou Kazuma.

What a mysterious fellow.

He gave the impression that he really didn't care about defeating the Devil King army, when I first met him.

And he picked the beautiful and generous and benevolent Aqua-sama as his 'chosen item'.

Certainly, when one thought about a 'hero', a guy like him would never come to mind.

But somehow, I admired him because of that.

But…

But…!

"Leave some for the rest of us, damnit!"

"Kyouya-kun?!"

 **Chapter 11 END**

 **Next Chapter: The Return of these Hometown Heroes!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: The Return of these Hometown Heroes!**

 **Part 1**

Axel, the town of beginner adventurers.

Due to this world's broken game balance, this supposed starter town was previously sieged by all sorts of powerful adversaries.

It was a miracle that this place was still standing.

After Rain teleported us, she went back to the capital to report to the king.

I asked her, while she was at it, to deliver a letter addressed to Iris.

The poor girl…she was probably desperately missing her onii-chan!

I imagined her forlornly sighing while lying on the bed I used during my visit to the capital, all the while crying bittersweet tears while reminiscing about our days together!

My cute imouto! Don't worry! Onii-chan will…!

"It has certainly been awhile," Darkness said, interrupting my thoughts of Iris. "I hope that my acquaintances will still remember me…"

As if anyone could forget a lunatic like her.

"It hasn't been that long," Aqua said. "I mean, it may seem like three months has passed since we last left Axel and embarked on our perilous journey to the Capital and then the home of the Crimson Demons, but I assure you that it has only been a month or so, maybe even less, since our departure."

"Who exactly are you talking to, Aqua?" I said.

Megumin, who was skipping merrily ahead of us, turned around and smiled.

"We're finally home, everyone," she said.

We returned her smile.

Out of all of us, it was Megumin who was the happiest at having returned home.

A peaceful life.

That was what she wanted.

Certainly, with the Devil King army eliminated, such an ideal was possible.

And in terms of financial security, even without the money Vanir owed us, the king made sure that we were taken care of, in that regard.

Spending the rest of my life in comfort with these girls…

Soon, we were near the town's entrance.

"Well, then, let us go," Darkness said, as she stepped forward, the others following after her.

"Wait a second," I said.

"Hm? What's wrong, Kazuma?" Aqua asked.

Just going in like this, so casually?

Even though it's been three months, I-I mean, about a month since we departed?

It felt sort of anti-climactic.

"No, no, no," I said. "This sort of lame entrance will not do. We are the heroes who accomplished all sorts of great deeds. Our homecoming needs more flair, more grandiosity!"

"You're starting to speak like that devil, Vanir," Darkness said. "And don't think that we'll go along with your whims so easi…hmmph!"

Darkness's words were interrupted as Megumin's cape hit her on the face.

Megumin, flicking her cape and posing dramatically, declared her approval.

"Hoho! Just what I expected from Kazuma! That visit to my hometown has made a positive impact on you! Very well, I will cast Explosion and use it as the backdrop for our magnificent entry!"

Aqua joined in on Megumin's theatrics, taking out her fans and twirling it about.

"And I will cast Sacred Create Water to remind the citizens of Axel that I am the deity ruling over this place!"

What was the deal with this 'end of times' scenario?!

Where they trying to bring about the apocalypse?!

"N-Never mind! I don't want you two to waste your precious mana for something so insignificant like this!

"Hmph! That is an excellent point! The powers of Explosion must be reserved for the eventual combat with the gods themselves…"

Then why did she insist on using it every day for the sake of 'practice'?

"Thanks for worrying, Kazuma, but I have plenty of mana in me! A small flood is no big deal at all!"

This goddess of debt just couldn't read between the lines at all!

"Now, now," Darkness said, coming to my rescue. "It's already lunchtime, right? Let's go to the guild and have something to eat. Since it's been awhile, I want to have some fried frog meat."

"The muscular Darkness can think of nothing but shoving meat in her mouth! Are you perhaps worried about your protein intake, or lack thereof? Perhaps, after all this time, your muscles have turned into fat since you haven't had a chance to train?!"

Not wanting her intention to flood the city be derailed, Aqua said these insulting things to Darkness.

"D-Don't think that I'll let that go just because of my fetish! I am not muscular, I'm just toned, OK?! And the idea of muscle turning into fat due to disuse is just a myth!"

As Darkness and Aqua continued to argue, Megumin and I looked at each other.

"L-Let's just go," Megumin said.

Our homecoming was very anti-climactic.

 **Part 2**

"Oh, isn't that Kazuma and the others?! Hey, guys, it's them! They're back!"

In the guild hall, familiar faces began to congregate around us.

I expected the staff to restrain them, but they also joined the rush towards us.

"Hey, hey, when I hear about Kazuma defeating Prince Jatis in that tournament, I almost couldn't believe it! I thought I was dreaming!"

"Hey, hey, was that rumor about Darkness and Kazuma engaging in some kinky exhibition play true?! That was the talk of the capital, wasn't it?! It must be true 'coz I read about it on Adventurer's Weekly!"

"Hey, hey, Kazuma! You're stinking rich now, right? Treat us all to a round of beer!"

I had almost forgotten how rowdy these guys could be.

Darkness, when hearing about that incident from awhile back, began to blush, essentially confirming everyone's suspicions.

"Ohhh! So it wasn't just a rumor after all?! Now that I think about it, Darkness and Kazuma are kind of close, aren't they?"

"No, no. When you think about it, there's this developing atmosphere around the exploding girl with screws loose and Kazuma. In fact, don't they look perfect together?"

"I beg to disagree, sir. It's obvious that there's something going on between Aqua and Kazuma. And it's common knowledge that they've known each other the longest!"

"Huh?! Are you blind?! Aqua and Kazuma?! Where did that come from?!"

"No, you're all wrong. Don't you remember when Kazuma stole that thief girl's panties? I think I see something there!"

"Kazuma steals everyone's panties, OK?! It doesn't mean anything! He even stole my panties not that long ago! And he obviously has the hots for that decrepit store owner who sells magic items! I always see him looking at her with lewd eyes!"

"Lust never leads to love!"

"Only a virgin would say that!"

"Gah! Why you…!"

"…Well, I for one think that maybe they're all just good friends, nothing more, and it's OK if it stays that way, since true friendships run deeper than even the most passionate romance…"

Silence.

"What nonsense are you talking about?! Just die!"

"Why you…! Take this!"

Somehow, a riot ensued.

No, actually, I didn't understand why they were all so invested in my love life.

I looked to the others for help, but it seemed that they had already sneaked away earlier.

I was crushed on all sides by these fellows who suddenly became so interested in my personal affairs.

"OK, that's enough! All of you, calm down already!"

Coming to my rescue was the receptionist onee-san, Luna-san.

As everyone began to settle down onto their own seats, Luna-san smiled at me.

"Well, well, Kazuma-san. It seems that you've had a busy month."

"Ahahaha. S-Something like that."

I was uneasy because the look Luna-san was giving me, I had seen it before.

It was that look she gave when she wanted me to go on a quest.

"Even though Kazuma-san is now the hero of this country, I hope that he still goes on the occasional quest once in a while. It would be a shame if his talents were to go to waste due to idleness and a misguided desire to stay home all day and indulge in comfortable luxury."

That was exactly what I intended to do!

Was she an Esper?!

"W-Well, I guess I can stop by the guild once in a while..."

"Good! As this guild's ace adventurer, I have high expectations of you from now on, Kazuma-san!"

"Ahahahaha…ha…"

Even so, Luna-san had a point.

It wouldn't do for the hero of this land to devolve back into his NEET tendencies.

And plus, Iris would sulk if she saw that all her hard work to rehabilitate me went to waste.

But still…

The life of lounging around all day under the kotatsu…

So long, my dreams!

I dejectedly wandered about the guild until I found Megumin and the others already eating a feast of frog legs.

Megumin was about to sip on some beer.

I was about to snatch the mug away from her, but Darkness held my hand midway.

"It's OK to let her have a taste, Kazuma. It's been awhile since all four of us have eaten a meal together like this, anyway."

A meal of frog legs and beer at the guild…

It certainly brought back a lot of memories.

"OK, fine. But Megumin, practice moderation."

I sighed as she gave me a thumbs up while gulping down the beer.

Well, let this be a lesson to her, when she feels the effects afterwards.

"Oi, Kazuma," an adventurer from the next table called out to me. "So, are you treating us to beer or what?"

I smiled. "Oh, what the hell! Everyone, drink 'till you drop!"

"Uuoooooh!"

"Kazuma, Kazuma, alcohol is amazing! The feeling of inebriation is like the emotional high I feel after releasing an Explosion! Now I understand why Aqua is so willing to degrade herself into a low-life alcoholic for this stuff!" She grabbed another mug from a passing waitress. "Bottoms up!"

I expected Aqua to retort about that 'low-life alchoholic' comment, but she was already drunk out of her mind.

"Come on, Darkness! I've been practicing all this time! Let's see if you've been maintaining those hard muscles of yours!"

A warrior-type adventurer propped his elbow on our table, provoking Darkness to an arm-wrestling match.

"D-Don't call them hard! They're toned, OK, toned!"

The servers sighed as they prepared themselves for the property damage and the drunken antics of us adventurers.

I had almost forgotten about all this.

Being around nobles trying to gain my favor.

And then having to deal with those eccentric Crimson Demons.

I was once again among my peers.

That's right.

Before we were heroes.

Before we defeated the Devil King.

We were adventurers of Axel.

"All right! You female adventurers have been safe during my absence, right?! Well, your days of peace and security have come to an end! Let the Steal fest begin!"

After having rapidly consumed a mug of beer and already feeling its effects, I stood on a table and declared this proudly.

"Here it comes! Go for it, Kazu-trash!"

"Kyaa~! I knew this would happen! Girls, let's get out of here, the free beer is so not worth it!"

"Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal!"

The male adventurers all started enthusiastically cheering for me.

"Hahahahaha! Don't think you can run away from the Steal that led to the defeat of the Devil King! Steal!"

"Oh! Kazuma got some racy ones! Whose is that?!"

"Give those back! I bought those to show my boyfriend later!"

"Steal, steal…Eh, wait, for me?! Wait, Kazuma, I beg you man, please return those!"

As I flaunted the panties in the air, I couldn't help but think that if every day was like this, if we fell into such a routine from now on, I wouldn't mind it at all.

 **Part 3**

"Ugh. My head."

"I-It's my fault, Megumin. Even though I knew it was your first experience with alcohol, I neglected to monitor your uptake," Darkness aid.

Darkness, who had a high metabolism, was the only one who wasn't suffering.

"The liquors at the capital were good and all, but nothing beats that good 'ol Axel beer," Aqua said.

There was a pleasant look on her face, until it turned green. She grabbed a bucket beside her and threw up.

"Hey, that's my bucket you're barfing into," Megumin said, before her cheeks inflated. She grabbed Aqua's bucket and unleashed her vomit.

I wasn't in such a bad state as these two. I spent my time harassing the female adventurers, and didn't have much time to drink.

"Hopefully, this will serve as a lesson for you, Megumin," I said. "You see? Alcohol is not as glamorous as you might think. Sure it feels good for a little while, but in the end you will only be left with regret."

"Feels good, but ends with regret, huh? That must be what a night with you must feel like," Megumin slurred back a retort.

"…"

I set myself up for that one.

We were back in our mansion, which had been finally repaired after Megumin blew it up along with the Devil King.

I had intended to tend to the grave of our resident ghost, but I had been too drunk by the time I got home.

I intended to do all sorts of things. Reminiscing with the others about the memories we had in this mansion, checking the rooms to make sure the repair staff got everything back the way it was.

But now I was leaning back on this sofa while Megumin and Aqua were vomiting in buckets beside me.

As I watched Megumin dry-heaving in front of a bucket, a long string of vomit infused spit hanging down her lips, there came a knock on the door.

"Who could that be, at this hour?" Darkness said.

"I'll get it," I said.

If Darkness wasn't there to take care of those two, who knew what would happen to them.

Or what would happen to the living room.

And I didn't want to take over the responsibility of watchdog for Darkness, anyways.

I fought the warnings from my body to stay down instead of moving about, but I forced myself to stand.

At the door, I projected my voice out and said, "Who is it?"

"It's me, it's me!"

The voice was familiar.

"Sorry, but I'm familiar with the 'it's me, it's me' scam. It's quite frequent in the country I came from. Please leave the premises before I unleash our pet Running Hawk Kite on you."

"C-Come on, did you forget already?! You should recognize me just by my voice. It's me! And you don't really have a pet Running Hawk Kite." She paused. "…Do you?"

Right on cue, Megumin began dry-heaving again.

"Uuueee~! Uuuuueeee~!"

"Gah! You really did get a pet Running Hawk Kite?! Why?! Is this what they call the frivolous expenses of the affluent?!"

I did recognize that voice from somewhere.

I opened the door.

"Ah, so it was you, Chris."

The thief girl who taught me my first and favorite skill.

She smiled cockily. "Heh. You're the one who invited me, Kazuma-kun."

Hm? Did I do something like that?

"Haha! That confusion on your face is so funny, but I don't blame you. Still, you act so different around me compared from when I was…well, I guess guys really do prefer the gentle, submissive type, huh? Or maybe it's because of this…"

For some reason, Chris looked down at her breasts with an amused look on her face.

"Well, come in, Chris. Make yourself at home," I said.

"Thanks! Whoa! It stinks like vomit in here!"

"We had a celebration at the guild," I said. "You weren't there?"

"Well, I heard that you'd be there and I knew that you can get out of hand during those things…"

Ah, so she didn't want a repeat of that incident.

Chris was known in Axel with the disgraceful moniker of 'The First Victim', after all.

"Eh? Chris? What are you doing here? I thought you were at the capital?"

Darkness said this as she peeked at the door, having recognized her friend's voice.

Chris went to the capital?

"This is the first time I've heard of this," I said.

"Didn't I tell you, Kazuma-kun? Well, I guess I didn't have a chance to, or maybe it slipped my mind. Sorry! I was busy with all sorts of things as I was preparing to leave."

Well, we weren't so close that she had to tell me all her life plans.

"Why didn't you look for us when you were at the capital, Chris?" I asked. "We could have arranged for you to stay with us in the castle."

Chris's face stiffened.

"Ah. Now that you mention it, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I just did that…"

Certainly. She must have heard about our accomplishments by then, and how we were invited to stay in the castle. She would have saved money on accommodations if she sought us out.

Darkness prepared some tea for Chris, and while she was at it, made some medicinal tea that was supposedly good for treating hangovers, for Aqua and Megumin.

I took the buckets away as having them out was just plain rude towards Chris.

Thankfully, Aqua and Megumin had already gotten most of the vomit out of their system.

They were now lazily reclining on the sofa as Darkness made them gulp down the bitter tea.

"So, what brings you here, Chris?" Darkness asked, after she finished fussing over Aqua and Megumin. "You still didn't explain why you left the capital. I thought that you were trying to make a name for yourself there."

Chris averted her eyes. "Make a name for myself there…right. Well, actually, um, this is a bit embarrassing for me to admit, but I had a hard time settling into the big city. I guess I was too overconfident. And so I used the last of my money to come back here."

"I see," Darkness said. "Not just Chris, but that must be the case for most adventurers who stationed themselves in the capital. With the defeat of the Devil King army, those front line fighters are now out of a job…"

Eh?

So it was our fault that Chris had to give up on her dreams and come back to Axel?

W-What was up with that?!

Chris must have sensed the guilt I was feeling as she frantically waved her hands about. "I-It's not as dramatic as you make it sound, Darkness! Geez! Don't project your fantasies onto me!"

"…Ehehehe. Facing unemployment, the proud female knight who had been fighting proudly in the front lines had no choice but to sell her body! Her first client, a perverted noble who had always had his eyes on her, would say something like, 'Hohoho. You've been training this body to become like a weapon that surpasses the Devil King, but now it is nothing more than a tool that will satisfy the lust of a man like me!' The female knight will resist, claiming that the noble could have her body, but not her heart, but the noble will eventually break her down and…kuh! P-Pleash use your big thing to mesh me up, mashter~!"

We watched as Darkness melted into a puddle and squirmed on the floor.

"I-It seems that Darkness is still time same, huh?" Chris said.

No, somehow, her condition was even worse than before.

 **Part 4**

In the end, we agreed to let Chris stay with us.

The mansion was too big just for the four of us, anyway, and it was sort of indirectly our fault that she had to come back from the capital.

"Y-You guys are mistaken about the unemployment thing…well, I guess this works out, too, I guess."

Again, she said all these vague things.

I chalked it up to Chris being embarrassed at having to rely on us for shelter, but she was a friend, and the others didn't seem to mind her staying with us for a while.

Aqua, who had already started to recover as she was an experienced drunkard, didn't seem to care if Chris was staying with us or not.

In fact, she took immediate advantage of it.

"OK, new girl. If you're going to be staying here, you need to know the established hierarchy. Everyone in this household comes second to me, Aqua-sama, a goddess."

Chris's eyes widened. "G-Goddess?! Senp…I mean, Aqua-san, w-what are you talking about?!" She laughed nervously while looking at Darkness and Megumin. "There's no way that you could really be a goddess, right? Haha. What a funny joke!"

"Gah! Why is this new girl so rude to me?!"

Darkness sighed. "Don't take Aqua so seriously, Chris. She claims to be a goddess for some reason. What's weird is that she's still a powerful Arch-Priest, even though she commits so many blasphemies on a daily basis. Maybe the real Aqua-sama is much more lenient than I thought…"

"T-The real Aqua-sama, r-right!" Chris said. "Because there's no way that real goddesses would come down here, in this…I mean, in our world! Nope!"

"Uh, yeah, exactly," Darkness said.

Even Chris seemed to be disturbed by Aqua's antics.

"Guys, you shouldn't tease Aqua so much. In fact, if you tease her about being a goddess, then I will take personal offense, too," Megumin slurred. She had a hot towel covering her eyes as she occupied the entirety of the couch, lying down on it with her limbs splayed.

We were all sitting next to the kotatsu except Megumin, who was still out of sorts.

Darkness raised a brow in confusion. "Why would Megumin take offense if…oh, I get it. Because Megumin sometimes claims that she's the reincarnation of the 'god of destruction' from a previous lifetime, or something, right? So if we attack Aqua, it affects you vicariously, right?"

"…Don't group me with Aqua. And I'm not lying about being the reincarnation of the god of destruction."

Beside me, Chris began to chuckle.

"It certainly is lively around here," she said.

"You should see them when they don't have hangovers," I said. "This is pretty tame compared to the usual."

"Ahahaha! Is that so? Then it looks like I'll have lots of fun during my stay here!"

It was dinner time, and even though Megumin still felt nauseous, Darkness insisted that she get something in her stomach, or else her condition might get worse.

We didn't have time to properly stock-up our pantry, so dinner was take-out that Chris brought with her.

"I thought that it'd be rude if I came empty handed," Chris said.

How considerate of her.

Actually, contrary to what you'd think of a 'thief', Chris was very well-mannered.

I was starting to develop a high opinion of her.

I mean, in comparison, Aqua and Megumin was already wolfing down the food.

I was looking especially at Megumin. She noticed me looking at her.

"…What is it?"

I sighed. "Nothing. I'm just wondering if the last week had all been an illusion…"

"Oi! Don't think that I don't know what you're talking about! Don't underestimate the Crimson Demon clan's powers of comprehension!"

The Megumin who had made my heartbeat go 'doki, doki' so many times during our stay in the home of the Crimson Demons…

Where had that Megumin gone?

And it didn't help that I had front-row seats to the sight of Megumin vomiting ceaselessly for an entire hour.

This sense of disillusionment…

It was like learning for the first time as a kid that girls weren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice.

That they farted and peed just like the rest of us.

And also, perhaps it was because we were home now, in a familiar place.

Like how, in a school trip, you would start seeing your classmates in a different light, and an intimate atmosphere would form…

Not that I'd have experiences of such a phenomenon first hand.

But that was how it was depicted in manga and anime.

After dinner, we drank some more tea while Aqua forced Chris to play that strange chess-like board game she often played with Megumin.

"Fufu. This will be your initiation, new girl. I hope that you'll learn your place after you face defeat in my hands," Aqua said.

Aqua was starting to sound like one of those queen-bee types who ruled the popular cliques in school.

"Ah, I know this game. I'm quite good, though, Aqua-san," Chris said. "Especially with the Thief pieces…"

"Haha! If you're a mere beginner, there's no shame in admitting it! Everyone knows that aside from the useless Adventurer piece, the Thief piece is the weakest combat piece in the game!"

"It's not all about combat power, Aqua-san. There is also utility to consider. For example, I will use my thief's 'Bind' ability."

Aqua actually blushed a little. "H-Hold on. Sorry, it seems that I've forgotten the effects of that skill. Please let me check the rulebook."

She suddenly turned meek all of a sudden.

Perhaps it was because Chris was so patient with her.

It was like a naughty child losing their hostility when a patient teacher shows consideration towards them.

"Ah?! Really?! So unless I have my Arch-Wizards waste a turn using 'Break Skill', that piece you used Bind on won't be able to attack?!"

"Yes, they can still move but…ah, since your Crusader can't attack, and you've moved within the range of my Adventurer, I will counter using this..."

"A pincer attack?! Kuh! That Crusader piece didn't last long at all!"

Darkness was watching the game, and tried her hardest not to take Aqua's comments about the Crusader class personally. "N-Nice work, taking out that Crusader, Chris. It must have been a difficult task, indeed," she said.

With the effective way Chris used her Thief pieces, Aqua couldn't catch them, even if they overextended past the enemy's frontlines. And Aqua had to use her Arch-Wizards to dispel the Bind skill, otherwise her other important pieces wouldn't be able to attack the entire game.

As such, Chris was free to use her own Arch-Wizards in an offensive capacity, without fear of being countered by Aqua's own Arch-Wizards.

"And I'll take this Arch-Priest you were hiding behind your soldiers the entire battle, and with that I win the game, Aqua-san."

"Ugh. Although Megumin is a much tougher opponent than you, the way you fought was very irritating. It reminds me of a certain sneaky someone. But, that was kind of fun, in a way! Do you want to play another round?"

"Oh, sure!"

I thought that Aqua would go on a tantrum and flip the board over.

Maybe she thought that she'd have a chance against an opponent who couldn't compare to the genius level intellect of Megumin.

Eventually, I was sure Aqua would revert to her usual ways.

Sure enough, by the fourth game and her fourth defeat…

"Gaaaahhhh!"

"A-Aqua-san?!"

She flipped the board over.

 **Part 5**

It was late now.

There were a lot of available spare rooms for Chris to sleep in, and we prepared blankets and such in case of situations like this.

As for the toiletries…

"We can buy you some stuff tomorrow, but if you use this holy water that was produced from the divine body of yours truly, your mouth will be clean anyways!"

"T-Thanks, Aqua-san."

Chris probably wanted to ask, 'Exactly which part of your body did this 'holy water' come from?', but stopped herself, so as not to appear rude.

As we were preparing to go to sleep, unpacking our bags and taking out our sleep wear and toiletries, I felt a hand touch my shoulder…

"Ahem," Megumin did a fake cough.

She then slipped me a piece of paper.

When she walked away, I unfolded it.

 _We didn't really get a chance to talk today, even though I had a lot of things I wanted to talk to you about._

 _If you'd like, do you want to meet me in my room? Preferably when everyone else is asleep. I don't want them to get to wrong idea_

 _-Megumin_

 _P.S. I don't want you to get the wrong idea as well. There's nothing lewd going on, got it?_

"…!"

Ah, there she was!

The Megumin that I thought was a mere illusion finally returned!

"Yahoo!"

"E-Eh? Kazuma, what's wrong?"

Darkness, who was unpacking beside me, said this.

I could see Megumin blushing a little as she pretended to be occupied with her own unpacking.

"A-Ah, nothing. I just found the lucky underwear I thought I left behind in the home of the Crimson Demons…"

"…I didn't know that Kazuma was the type to have lucky underwear."

"I-It's the secret to my high luck stat!"

What the hell was I saying?

"W-Well! Does anybody mind if I take a bath first? I need to prepare my body for..."

Megumin hurriedly passed by me again, provided another fake cough, and I felt another piece of paper in my hands.

 _Nothing Lewd Going On, Got It?!_

Each word was capitalized.

She even felt the need to underline it.

I still took a bath anyways, since I still smelled like booze.

"Ehehehehe."

In the tub, I was giggling maniacally.

Getting an invitation from a girl this late at night.

Even though the sort of things I was envisioning probably wouldn't happen…

One of a virgin's small pleasures in life was to delude oneself into anticipating the impossible!

In all seriousness, I couldn't help but notice that the mood between Megumin and I was improving.

Beyond this, however, I didn't know what to expect.

Pursuing a relationship with Megumin, if this good mood continued…

Was something like that even possible?

No, of course it was possible.

What was so wrong about a guy and a girl pursuing a relationship?

In terms of the age difference, this world's laws were different from my own.

And the gap wasn't really all that large, anyways.

In some ways, Megumin was more intellectually capable than me.

In terms of maturity, she could use some work in some areas.

But she had an advanced awareness of the things going on around her.

Certainly, she was more mature than I was, at her age.

So with that justification, I supposed that it was just a matter of how we both felt.

And how exactly did I feel, about Megumin…?

"…!"

I didn't notice, but time had flown by as I was in the bath.

Sitting in this lukewarm water, I had spent all this time trying to rationalize a relationship with Megumin.

"Oi, Kazuma, hurry up already! I don't want to go to sleep smelling like vomit! What do you think my adorable followers would say if they saw their goddess in such a state?! Oi!"

I dressed into my sleepwear and opened the door for Aqua.

"Finally! Why did you take so long? Don't tell me you were doing…this?"

She made some obscene hand gestures with her hand.

"Well, let's say that I was. I suppose it helps that you're the goddess of water. That bath water could use some cleansing."

"Don't degrade the value of my title as the goddess of water! And if you were doing all sorts of dirty things in the bath, at least have the courtesy to drain the water!"

I left Aqua to her bath as I went to my room.

The familiarity of my room immediately hit me.

"Ah! This bed can't compare to those luxurious ones from the castle, but somehow it feels like I can sleep here forever!"

Diving on my familiar bed, I shifted my form into the position I was comfortable in.

Hugging my pillow, my body relaxing.

"…Ah…this…feels…"

My eyelids began to fall.

"…Wrong!"

I righted myself into a sitting position.

That was close! I didn't realize how exhausted I was, and almost fell into a tranquil sleep!

Ah…sleep…

I reclined on the headrest once more…

"No, no, no! Get your head in the game! Eyes on the goal!"

I yelled these empty platitudes in an effort to psyche myself up.

My alone time with Megumin would be put in jeopardy if I let myself fall into one of the major temptations of life, sleep.

"That's right. Remember all those times you slept for only two hours a night just to receive the Daily Reward and the EXP bonus available only in certain times of the day. Remember your days as a Ranker who was consistently in the leaderboards in all the mainstream MMORPG's!"

I dwelled on my past success in order to resist the overwhelming urge to sleep.

I resumed this pattern of almost drifting to sleep, only to suddenly regain motivation once more.

Soon, after what felt like an endless transference between sleep and wake, it was already past midnight.

Aqua was an early sleeper, but Darkness was always up late at night, the light in her room never shutting off until two in the morning.

And sometimes you could hear strange noises coming out of her room…

I didn't know about Chris's sleeping patterns, but she wasn't familiar with the layout of the mansion.

She wouldn't know the difference between Megumin's room and the bathrooms, for instance.

It didn't matter if she caught me sneaking about to or from Megumin's room.

After reassuring myself, I made my move.

 **Part 6**

Sneaking around in my own home felt strange.

Rather, it felt kind of sad.

While I was sneaking around in the shadows while using Lurk, I couldn't help but wonder why it was that I was so careful in hiding my late night meeting with Megumin, from the others.

Surely, we were all friends here. Wanting to chat with each other, regardless of the time, there was nothing inherently wrong with that.

'But if you wanted to chat, then why didn't you just meet up in the living room?'

Darkness was bound to say that.

And there it was! That was the strange thing, wasn't it?!

If Megumin just wanted to 'chat' then why invite me to her bedroom?

And what was up with that suspicious message anyway?! If she wanted to talk to me so much, we could spend the whole day chatting the next day, if she wanted to!

Or perhaps she was saying, 'talking the entire day is not enough for me, I want to talk to you during the night, too'.

"!"

W-What was up with that incredibly dere-dere scenario I conjured?!

Regardless of my inhibitions, if Megumin, or any girl really, were to say something like that to me, I had no doubt that I would fall in love immediately with them!

I mean, who wouldn't, after a line like that?

But of course, such a person didn't exist.

Such embarrassing dialogue could only be found in bishojou games.

My tired mind was coming up with all sorts of strange things.

Well, whatever Megumin's intentions were, I would find out soon.

After setting up that flag, of course, inevitably, some unrelated incident just _had_ to occur.

I saw a figure in the darkness

And they seemed to be using Lurk.

From some reason, my Detect Enemy didn't activate.

Like what happened with Sylvia, maybe this thief didn't have any hostile intentions.

No, if they were planning to break into someone's abode, that would fall under 'hostile intention'.

Perhaps they had a skill that could bypass Detect Enemy.

The only reason why I noticed them, even as they used Lurk, was because I had been using Foresight to navigate in the dark.

Reinforcing my Lurk, I tried my best to blend into the shadows.

All the while, I inched closer to the threat.

Closer.

Closer.

Until I was close enough to attack!

"Gotcha!"

"Eh?!"

I leapt towards my target.

"Wah?!"

It was a feminine voice.

And the body…

"If it's a female thief, then it is my duty as the owner of this estate to do this! And this!"

Overcome with my duty as a law abiding citizen, I let my urges run free…I mean, I performed the self-defence necessary to apprehend this female thief!

"Ah! This chest is quite modest, but there's no doubt that this is a female thief!"

"M-Modest?! Let go of me already! It's me, it's me!"

Hm? Somehow the voice was familiar?

But it couldn't be, right?

"A thief and a scammer?! Just for participating in that 'it's me, it's me' scam, you deserve double the punishment!"

"Geez! Just let go of me already!"

"Guh!"

The hilt of a dagger buried into my stomach.

Gaining free space, the thief lashed out with a kick at the same spot her dagger had hit.

I was sent flying back.

I righted myself after wheezing once.

Without any equipment, I had to rely on my magic.

"Create Water! Freeze!"

Spraying water on the ground, I quickly flash froze it into a layer of transparent ice.

The thief held onto the wall for support, and didn't advance further.

All that's left is to disable her further and wait for the others to hear the noise and come to my aid…

"Create Earth, Wind Brea…"

"Bind!"

Before I could properly disable her, the thief grabbed a rope she had attached to her belt and threw it at me.

Ah.

What an idiot I was.

With the ice everywhere, I couldn't dodge.

Well, if I was going down anyways…

"What are you doing?!"

I ran towards the thrown rope!

Even as the rope latched onto my body, disabling my limbs, I pushed my momentum to slide down the ice!

"Log roll attack!"

I yelled this ridiculous thing as I log rolled through the ice and swept up the legs of the thief!

"Whoa!"

She fell on her butt even as I continued to slide down the hall.

"W-W-W-What's going on here?!"

Megumin, who was still awake as she waited for me, was the first one to respond.

She came out with one of her emergency wands. Her hand shaking as she held it out.

I had almost forgotten that Megumin had a tendency to panic.

"There's a female thief! Don't let her get away!"

Megumin squinted her eyes in the dark at the thief's direction.

"…How are you so sure that it's a female thief, Kazuma?"

I did not miss the accusatory tone in her voice.

"I can see in the dark with Foresight, remember? Never mind that! Let's just apprehend this female thief!"

"No, rather than risk our lives fighting this skilled thief who managed to take down a veteran adventurer like Kazuma, shouldn't we just let them go? I don't know what it is they stole, but we don't have a lot of valuables, anyway. Only Aqua has an expensive taste among us, and we can always just replace any stolen wine."

As if I cared about any stolen items, especially if it was one of Aqua's fancy wines!

Really, what my intention was…

Capturing a female thief and 'interrogating' them was the fantasy of every healthy male adventurer!

"No, we must capture this female thief!"

"Why are you insistent?!"

"Megumin?! Kazuma?! Are you guys alright?!"

Darkness emerged out of her room, her face flushed red, her body sweaty, and her hair a mess.

She held out her sword in front of her.

We all looked at her suspicious state.

"I-I decided to have a late night work out, in order to maintain my shape…"

She provided an excuse even though we didn't ask for one.

"…What's going on here?" Aqua said, as she blearily came out of her room. She was the only one with the sense to bring a candle. "Are you guys having a slumber party without me?"

What part of this seemed like a party to her?

As they all cornered the female thief, and as I tried to roll my way over to them, the female thief considered her options, looking behind at an open window to her side.

Darkness noticed the motion and blocked that passage.

Eventually, the female thief sighed.

"Now, take off your mask!" Darkness said. "By the authority of the house of Dustiness, I assure you that if you cooperate willingly, your sentence will be light…"

The thief sighed once again. "Why did I ever think that this was a good idea?"

The mask came off.

Silver hair, and a scar on her cheek.

Which she scratched.

"Uh, hey. Sorry for the commotion this late at night, guys."

 **Part 7**

"Well, to start with, what do you guys know about the Chivalrous Thief?"

We had relocated to the living room.

Surrounded by all of us, not necessarily restrained, but under close supervision, Chris said this while averting her eyes.

"Oh, you mean that handsome thief who is stealing from corrupt nobles and giving the stolen loot to orphanages ran by the Eris church?" I said.

I had heard about this Chivalrous Thief from Iris, who spoke about such a man with so much admiration.

I spat on the ground. "Ah, such hypocritical guys who break the law under the pretension of 'justice'. I bet that guy just likes the attention."

Chris laughed as she pointed to herself. "That's not a very nice thing to say. And I'm not exactly a 'guy', Kazuma-kun."

"Eh?! Chris, do you mean to say that…?!"

Darkness widened her eyes as she looked at her friend in shock.

"Yup, I'm that famous Chivalrous Thief!"

Darkness's face shifted from surprise, to comprehension, until it hardened into an emotion I hadn't seen from Darkness yet…

"…I see. So you're that kind of person, huh?"

"E-Eh? Darkness?"

"I can't believe that you committed all those crimes! I can't just ignore this, you know!"

Chris squirmed in her seat. "Um, I know that this is not the time to say this but…I'm doing this for a good reason. And because of that, I can't afford to go to jail. Please just overlook this, just this one time!"

"There's no way that I can! I'm…I'm the daughter of Dustiness! The people believe in me to uphold the laws of this land!"

"I-If you want me to atone for my crimes, I can do that! But, for now, I still have things I need to do! I'll face the punishment, but…I was hoping that as a noble, you could use your influence to, you know, help me out a little…"

Darkness gasped. She began to step away from Chris.

"Did you think that…you can get away with your crimes, just because you're friends with a noble of high-stature like me?!"

"!"

Chris's mouth went agape as she looked at Darkness.

Megumin, Aqua and I looked at each other.

We all slowly started stepping away…

"You three, where are you going? Stay here."

We froze. The Darkness who was usually like _that_ spoke in such a commanding tone.

"N-No! Darkness, I never once even considered our friendship as a means to…how could you even think that?!"

"Now that I think about it, you probably returned from the capital to escape the search parties, right? So you came to us for a place to hide...no, if you were just looking for a place to lay low, any random inn would do. You chose our home because it's a political sanctuary. Not only do I, a Dustiness, live here, but my comrades as well, the heroes who defeated the Devil King..."

Chris brought her head down. "That…even though that's not my only motivation…I considered those factors…yes."

"I see."

Without saying another word, Darkness left us alone with Chris.

We heard her softly climb upstairs.

"I-I'll go talk to Darkness," Megumin said.

She followed Darkness upstairs.

Aqua and I were left to awkwardly stand around Chris.

I coughed into a hand. "Um, I'm sure that Darkness is just shocked, is all."

Chris laughed. "It's OK. You don't need to cheer me up. I know Darkness. She has a good set of morals. Which is one of the reasons why I approached her in the first place."

I remembered the story Darkness's father told me, about how Darkness had continually prayed to Eris-sama for a friend, and then one day, Chris suddenly appeared, and they hit it off from there.

"I should have known that Darkness, who values the law and the ideal of justice, would react this way."

I didn't know what to say.

This was the first time I've been in the middle of any real relational conflict.

Certainly, the girls and I had our share of arguments.

But we never had any real fights before.

"Hmph. If you're Darkness's oldest friend, you should know better," Aqua said.

Putting salt on the wound, of course, was Aqua.

"Oi, Aqua, Chris gets it already. Just leave her alone."

"No, it's OK, Kazuma-kun. Aqua-san is right. I already knew that Darkness would react this way when she found out that I broke the law."

"Geez! And Kazuma calls me stupid! It's not about some dumb law, is it?! Darkness was mad that you used her! That you betrayed the trust between you!"

"!"

As Aqua said it, I began to realize it too.

Darkness seemed upset about finding out that her friend was a criminal, at first.

But at the end, what seemed to cause her the most grief, was the thought that Chris had befriended Darkness just because of the political advantage she could derive from it.

"I-Is that really how it is?"

"Of course it is! I mean, I'm sure that Kazuma should be rotting in jail right now, with all the sexual harassment stunts he pulled, but you don't see Darkness doing anything about it!"

"Oi, don't use me as an example!"

Ignoring me, Aqua went on.

"Geez! This is what I don't get about you mortals! You overestimate yourselves! You really think that Darkness is so righteous and morally upstanding, that she'd condemn you to a jail cell?! Darkness cares about you more than some law! Don't think that she's above such things like selfishness! She's not a goddess like me, OK?! She's an imperfect human being who will gladly twist her morals for the sake of a precious friend! And the same goes for you! You stupid mortal! You're not a goddess either! Stop taking matters in your own hands, acting like some kind of lame vigilante by yourself, and rely on your friend more!"

Aqua took deep breaths after that passionate speech. Exhausted, she threw herself on the sofa.

Chris looked at Aqua for a while before smiling gently.

"I see. It seems that I've still got a lot to learn from you, senpai."

"You got that right. I mean you…huh, senpai?"

Suddenly, a bright light came upon Chris.

I shielded my eyes.

As the light dimmed, I slowly opened them.

Silver hair, but it was longer now.

The scar was gone, but she was still scratching her cheek.

Eris-sama winked at us.

"Thank you for inviting me to your lovely home, Kazuma-san."

 **Chapter 12 END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting these Delinquents with Guidance!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Gifting These Delinquents with Guidance!**

 **Part 1**

So…

Eris-sama was…

And Chris was…

I looked at Eris-sama's breasts.

They looked as big as Darkness's.

And then I looked at my hand, which had briefly touched Chris's comparably lacking chest during our 'struggle'.

In comparison to what I saw and what I had felt…

"I see. So they were padded after all."

Aqua nodded. "I told you."

"T-That's not it at all?! I do have big breasts, at least, when I am in my goddess form! I make my breasts smaller when I take the form of 'Chris', that's all! After all, big breasts are inconvenient in all sorts of ways, and the Thief class relies on maneuverability, foremost, which means that big breasts are…!"

Eris-sama went on a passionate speech while saying 'big breasts' over and over.

She realized this mid-way through and sighed.

"…Typical Kazuma-san, somehow finding a way to make me say such filthy things."

"No, no, I'm not so masterful at manipulation that I can make you say such things without your own volition. Please don't overstate my unscrupulous side."

When Eris-sama had mentioned before that she often snuck away to this world to play, I didn't realize that she interacted this closely with the world.

At most, I thought that she was merely observing the activities of her followers from a distance.

And to think that someone so close to us turned out to be a goddess in disguise the whole time?!

Not to mention that when Darkness had been praying for a friend, and Chris suddenly showed up…

…That was Eris-sama answering her prayers, right?

As I was considering these thoughts, Aqua was still looking at Eris-sama with some scrutiny, surveying her from different angles as if she might catch a weak spot in a well-crafted illusion.

"I don't get it. Why would that stickler for rules Kouhai of mine so blatantly break the rules set for us goddesses, and sneak away to this world while flaunting around such an elaborate physical avatar? And what's worse, you even resorted to criminal activities?! And after all those times you reprimanded me when I still had my position in heaven…hmph! What do you have to say to that, you hypocrite?!"

I expected Eris-sama to respond in her usual meek way, but…

"Hah?! The Senpai who stubbornly insisted in lingering here in this world even after her purpose in staying had long expired, is willing to call me a hypocrite?!"

"T-This and that are two different things! As I have done a great deed such as defeating the Devil King, I should be allowed to do whatever I want! I'm such a big deal that the higher ups were begging me to come back to heaven, even bribing me with promises of promotions and such!"

She was acting like she had any meaningful part in defeating the Devil King.

"The higher ups were only begging you to come back because we, the colleagues you have abandoned, are swamped with work! And whenever one of your followers ascends to us in spirit, they always make a fuss about wanting to see _you_ , and only _you_ , while refusing service from any other goddess!"

Aqua crossed her arms and puffed out her chest in pride. "Hmph! It's good to see that my followers are as passionate as ever, even in death."

"That's not something to be proud about! Do something about your maniacal followers already! They are the scourge of this land!"

"Hah?! Why, you…! Just because you have mainstream appeal with that cutesy act of yours, you think that you're somehow superior to me?! Don't forget that I'm still your Senpai!"

"If you're really my Senpai, then start acting like it!"

Just as these two goddesses were seemingly about to maul each other, I came in between them.

"Ladies, ladies. Let's not fight here. And Eris-sama, you might want to revert back to your 'Chris' form unless you intend to reveal your true identity to the others."

Eris-sama looked at me, then relented in her near assault against Aqua. She took a deep breath before light shone around her again.

After the light cleared, we were once again face to face with Chris.

Aqua and I couldn't help but observe her shrunken chest.

"D-Don't say it!"

 **Part 2**

"Artifacts? You mean those things we give away to the reincarnated souls so they can have an advantaging in fighting the Devil King?"

After we settled down, we had Chris give us an explanation for why she engaged in those criminal activities in the capital.

Instead of directly addressing the issue, though, she started talking about these artifacts.

"Yes, Senpai. Although we offer talents and special powers as well, we also offer the reincarnated souls the choice of a powerful item. Most of the time, this takes the form of a weapon of some sort."

Items like the cursed sword Gram that Mitsurugi fellow wielded.

As for me, as a reincarnated hero I also had the choice between an ability and an artifact.

But, instead of those…

"Ah, this 'artifact' you're referring to," I asked. "Aqua would also be defined as one, right?"

I could tell that Chris was trying to hide her amusement. "Well, technically, yes…"

"Oi! I'm not just a mere artifact! I'm a goddess, a goddess, OK?! And even if I was an artifact, I'd obviously be the most powerful of them all! Don't you see how super useful I've been?! Kazuma could have faced death if I hadn't been around! Come on, just admit it!"

While I didn't want to admit it aloud, Aqua did have a point.

No matter how powerful you became, or what kind of broken ability or weapon you came to this world with, in the end you were still mortal.

Accidents, friendly fire, overestimating your own abilities…

There was a reason why my fellow Japanese, even with their OP cheat abilities and artifacts, couldn't manage to defeat even one of the Devil King army leaders.

As for why I was able to do it…

Well, having a goddess with unlimited healing powers by my side, things like accidents, friendly fire, and overestimating my own abilities…

I've already experienced those things, and yet I was still alive today.

I realized that there was plenty to be grateful to Aqua for, in that regard.

However…

Even with that said…

"Well, I've also faced _debt_ because you were around, you goddess of debt!"

No matter how much Aqua managed to contribute, she had an uncanny way of neutralizing those deeds with equally detrimental actions!

I still couldn't forget that time I almost froze to death in the stables because of Aqua's idiocy!

"S-So, why did you bring up the subject of artifacts, Kouhai?"

Seeing that a change of subject would be to her advantage, Aqua inquired this of Chris.

"What do you think happens to the artifacts of those reincarnated heroes who have fallen in battle?"

"…I don't remember any retrieval protocols for the lost artifacts," Aqua said. "But its fine, since only the original owners of the artifacts can use its abilities."

"That's not completely true, Senpai," Chris said. "It is true that only the original owner of the artifact might make use of its full capabilities, but that means that anyone else can take advantage of its abilities, even if it's only to a limited extent."

Chris had given us an example of an artifact that would allow one to switch bodies with another person.

But when someone who was not the original owner used the artifact, the effects were only temporary. They had to switch out from a stolen body after a certain period of time.

"I don't get it," Aqua said. "The effect isn't permanent, right? What's so scary about that?"

"If someone were to use an item like that, even if the effects were temporary, it would be an easy task to just keep switching bodies," I said.

And by doing so, one could gain immortality by continually switching bodies over the years.

"W-What the heck?! Does a scary item like that really exist?!"

Chris smiled comfortingly as Aqua began to panic.

"Aside from stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, I also used my Chivalrous Thief persona as a means to retrieve these artifacts from people who've somehow gotten their hands on them. And most of the time, those who have the means and resources to do so are the high-ranking nobles in the capital, who wish to use these artifacts to quickly gain power and prestige."

"So that's your justification for cosplaying as some vigilante and role playing as a 'Chivalrous Thief', huh?" Aqua said.

"I-I wasn't cosplaying or roleplaying! I mean, I _was_ wearing an outfit that I found to be a bit cool, and I _was_ somewhat happy to act like an ally of justice, but…"

I held up a hand. "OK, OK. Let's let Chris off the hook about her cosplaying habits, Aqua. I'm sure that we all have our unusual fascinations. Let's get back to the important matter of these artifacts…"

"…I can't tell whose side you're on, Kazuma-kun."

Aqua soon stopped teasing Chris for breaking the rules after Chris revealed that it was essentially Aqua's fault, as the one who was in charge of distributing these items, that all these dangerous abilities were so readily available to those who intended to use them for evil means.

"Really, Senpai was nonchalantly giving them out without thinking about the consequences! It was Senpai's job to determine whether an ability or item could have negative effects on this world, in case it fell to the wrong hands. And Senpai should have evaluated those souls more carefully before letting them reincarnate into this world with those dangerous items. Some of the reincarnated souls turned out to be quite evil, you know?!"

"Uuuu~ Sorry. I'm really sorry!"

I watched as the Senpai was reprimanded by the Kouhai.

"It seems that you did have a purpose for going on that thieving spree," I said. "Although, I'm sure that Darkness would have reacted the same way even if you had good intentions in mind."

Chris hung her head. "Yeah. Senpai was right, in that regard. I should apologize to her tomorrow."

"Are you planning on revealing your true identity to Darkness?" I asked. "And will you tell her about the artifacts?"

"Do you think I should? I'd rather not, to be honest. I only involved Senpai and Kazuma-kun because I feel like you two can help me…no, actually, in Senpai's case, this is her responsibility, she should definitely help me."

"Urk!"

"So, Kazuma-kun, what do you think I should do?"

Ah.

A dialogue tree had opened up before me.

If I told Chris, 'You should definitely reveal all your secrets', well, that would be really hypocritical of me.

Even though she made some legitimate attempts, Aqua still hadn't managed to convince Darkness and Megumin that she was a real goddess (lol). And I hadn't even made a single attempt to tell them of my original heritage.

Even if our party was close, we still kept secrets from each other.

But there was nothing wrong with that, I thought.

"Friendship isn't all about revealing your deepest darkest secrets to one another," I said. "It's about trusting each other despite the fact that you can't truly know everything there is to know about another person."

"…"

"W-What?"

For some reason, both Aqua and Chris were looking at me with their mouths agape.

"Ah, I forgot. Kazuma sometimes has moments like that, doesn't he?"

"Oh, is that so, Senpai? That scared me for a moment!"

W-Was everyone's impressions of me really that bad?

 **Part 3**

"…Chris."

"Darkness…"

It was morning.

After the commotion last night, it was a miracle that I even managed to sleep.

In my half-wake, I had almost dismissed the events of the previous night, and so I was caught a bit unprepared when I left my room, only to find myself caught in this tense confrontation between Chris and Darkness.

"Darkness, listen, I want to apologize."

"…For what?"

Chris looked to Aqua, who had seemingly come along for emotional support.

"For belittling our friendship."

Darkness's eyes widened. It seemed that Aqua was right on the mark.

For once.

"So you realized it, huh? Listen, the fact that you're the Chivalrous Thief…I'm sure you must have a good reason for doing it, so let's just leave it at that. I was just upset that…I thought that you were using our friendship as a means to have political amnesty, of some sort."

"No way! Really, how could you even think that way, Darkness?"

"I know. It may seem silly. But I'm still new to having friends, and as my first and most precious friend…I guess I'll tend to over exaggerate things like this."

"Darkness, you're so silly!"

As they both laughed and shared this heartwarming moment, the rest of us were standing around them.

Well, it was good that they reconciled and all.

"Ahem."

I coughed politely, but they were still laughing and chatting away.

I noticed that Megumin was also fidgeting beside me as she looked for a way to get around these two.

They were blocking the way to the bathrooms…

During breakfast, where the usual flow of conversation was usually dictated by an energetic Megumin and Aqua, provided the latter was not incapacitated by a hangover, in this instance, Chris and Darkness dominated the conversation as they flaunted their newly rejuvenated friendship.

Inside jokes that we didn't really understand.

References to previous escapades we could only guess the context to.

"…"

We three, the third wheelers, shared a look of disgust.

This happy couple should just blow up!

After breakfast, Chris and Darkness started talking about plans to visit old friends, and maybe have lunch at a restaurant.

"That seems like a good idea," Aqua said. "Well, let's go!"

Chris and Darkness exchanged looks.

"A-Actually, we were sort of hoping to keep this between us…ah, but if Aqua and the others want to come along, then that's OK, too!"

Darkness said this with an innocent look that didn't seem to hold any intentional malice.

"Ah! I just remembered that, uh, Kazuma and I had to do that thing!" Aqua exclaimed.

Not wanting to play the third wheel any longer, Aqua suddenly announced a supposed appointment she had with me.

"Oh, yeah! There's that, isn't it? I can't believe that I almost forgot about that!"

Megumin soon chimed in, talking up this 'that' that I had no idea about.

Darkness didn't even seem to care. "OK! Well, Chris, let's get going, then!"

"Right behind you! Let's go to the usual place!"

Laughing as they left, the three of us were left staring at our empty plates.

Megumin coughed awkwardly, before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Why does it feel like we've been ditched?" Aqua said.

"Because we were," Megumin said.

"…"

And so, us third wheels made our own plans to wander the city.

But it wasn't like we were tourists, we couldn't think of anything fun to do in this familiar town.

We could go to the guild, but it was still too early for lunch.

And nobody would drink at this early hour.

…Well, Aqua might disagree on that one.

As we were about to leave the mansion, I noticed that there were a bunch of people gathered around our front gates.

"Who are those people?" Megumin asked, noticing the crowd as well.

They didn't seem like they were from Axel, as their outfits didn't adhere to the fashion sense of this region.

"Maybe they're just curious tourists?" Aqua said. "We are, like, super famous now, after all!"

That was probably the case.

We didn't really feel like dealing with them. We snuck away using a rarely used back entrance.

After taking a longer route than usual, we merged into the main streets of Axel.

"It doesn't feel too good, being ditched," Aqua said, returning to the topic that was the current source of our grievance. "But as long as us three stick around then it's not so…eh?"

She turned around to regard us, but she abruptly stopped walking.

Megumin and I stopped us well.

"Eh? What's wrong, Aqua?" Megumin asked.

"…Why does it feel like Kazuma and Megumin are intentionally walking slower than me? I-In fact, if I didn't turn around and notice it, there would have been a considerable distance between me and you two already?! T-There's no way that Megumin and Kazuma could be trying to ditch me, right?!"

Megumin and I looked at each other in genuine surprise.

Although we didn't intend to, our bodies had been unconsciously attempting to ditch Aqua!

But why were we trying to ditch her?

No, come to think of it, there was the matter of our delayed 'rendezvous' last night…

Yes, there was that matter to settle.

My curiosity was reinstated.

However, ditching Aqua right now would be too cruel.

Even though I was _very_ interested in what Megumin wanted to talk to me about, last night…

"T-There's no way that we would ditch Aqua, right, Kazuma?"

Megumin laughed weakly while joining her pointer fingers together.

"Uh, yeah, there's no way that I wanted to ditch the third wheel Aqua just because I have unresolved matters with Megumin. Nope, that's not what's happening at all."

Megumin elbowed me on the stomach for my lack of subtlety.

"...If you guys want to ditch me, then just be honest about it. I can go do my own thing."

Hearing such sincere words from Aqua, there was no way we could ditch her while maintaining a good conscience.

"Oh, really? Thanks for being considerate, Aqua. Now, Megumin, why don't we find a nice shade to sit under and we can talk about all sorts of things…"

Fufu.

Was I ever one to care about having a good conscience?

I was elbowed on the stomach once more.

"Kazuma is just joking, Aqua! And it's not a very funny joke, either! Come on, let's go to Wiz's store! Aqua often visits Wiz during work hours while acting like an uncontrollable disturbance, right? Come on, let's go!"

If Aqua recognized that blatant insult from Megumin, she didn't show signs of it.

As Aqua walked ahead of us, Megumin gave me a look that seemed to chastise me for my impatience.

I was indeed acting rather unreasonable, wasn't I?

There were plenty of chances to speak to Megumin alone later, yet I felt something akin to exasperation at not being able to do so at that very moment.

We soon arrived at Wiz's store.

"Welcome, welcome all! Please form an orderly line for these wonderful products developed by none other than the hero Satou Kazuma! If thou are here for the limited edition Vanir mask, moi is sorry to say this, but this popular item is out of stock! Though, if sales increase for this month, moi might consider manufacturing another batch! Moi-hahahaha!"

An unusual sight.

Not only were there actual, paying customers in Wiz's store, but there was even an active traffic directed towards it.

My collaboration with Vanir had reached a higher state of success than I anticipated.

Well, of course, Vanir was taking advantage of my now famous name to promote the products I helped develop.

I would call him sneaky if doing such things were not already a common marketing practice.

I noticed that there were some in the line who made a commotion once they saw us.

They didn't seem like locals of Axel.

Anyone from Axel, who personally witnessed our tribulations as rookie adventurers who struggled against Giant Toads, would have never been as starstruck and awed as these people were.

Like with those strangely dressed people who gathered around our mansion earlier, there seemed to be a lot of outsiders in Axel recently…

Aqua skipped the line and headed towards Vanir.

Vanir's jovial salesman countenance considerably shifted into one of profound distaste as he sensed Aqua's approach.

"…If thou are here to meddle with moi's affairs, moi implores thee to schedule the regularly appointed nuisance for another time. Today is an important milestone for what was once a failure of an establishment ran by an incompetent shop keeper."

I never thought that I would see the day when Vanir would act so passively towards anyone, less of all, Aqua.

"Hmph! Worry not! I only came here for some tea! But if you really want me to go…what do you say about paying a 'protection fee'?"

Aqua suddenly decided to deploy some yakuza tactics.

Giving up on the futile effort of reasoning with Aqua, Vanir turned to me.

"Ah, greetings, boy who is wary about his growing consideration towards the crazy girl with screws loose, who in turn is growing aware of the rapidly changing dynamic between thee, and is eagerly anticipating further advancement. Did thou come here to collect the money moi owes thee from those intellectual rights? Come this way, please."

"Oi, don't think that I'd be distracted by the sudden subject change to money, and overlook the first half of what you said!"

"What exactly am I 'eagerly anticipating', huh?!"

Beside me, Megumin was also growing increasingly flustered.

We both glanced at each other, but immediately broke eye contact once it had been made.

"…Hm, moi thoroughly enjoyed the meal of shame and lust that moi has tasted from the boy and that depraved Crusader girl, but this tender atmosphere is too sweet for a devil who relishes in negative emotions. In fact, this is very unappetizing. Boy, go talk to the inept shop owner about the money. Moi no longer has any desire in provoking, I mean, interacting with thou."

After Vanir dismissed us, Aqua looked at Megumin and me. Her gaze alternated between us.

"I didn't really get what that devil was saying, but Megumin and Kazuma has indeed been acting quite strangely. I've noticed that it's been this way for quite a while now, ever since our visit to the home of the Crimson Demons…"

Damn this goddess and her inconvenient moments of acute intuition.

"I-It's just your imagination. Ah, look, it's Wiz! We haven't seen her in a while, let's go say hi!"

Megumin clumsily attempted to change the subject.

And Aqua easily fell for it.

She headed towards Wiz.

Wiz looked up from her work. "Ah, Aqua-sama!"

But what seemed like the start of a pleasant reunion was…

"Hmph! This Lich who is nothing but an undead is smiling so contentedly just because she came across some financial success, huh?! Undead like you who don't know their place should be purified!"

Wiz, who had been pleasantly smiling as if she was reunited with an old friend, started paling when Aqua emitted a great deal of holy aura.

"A-Aqua-sama?! Please, not yet! Don't end my life on such an important day like this!"

"Muhahahaha! Just accept the divine retribution that awaits a sacrilegious existence such as yourself! Sacred Turn…!"

I pulled Aqua back, who I didn't trust to just be joking around with her realistic sounding threats.

"I was told that I can collect the money from you."

I just realized how I sounded like a typical yakuza there.

"Ah, yes! Of course! Thank you for patiently waiting for us to raise the funds!"

That response just added to the yakuza theme.

"I-It's no problem."

Dealing with money among friends was more awkward than I imagined.

I mean, with how rich I was, I was almost tempted to tell the poor, hardworking Wiz to just keep the money…

But my inclinations for altruism were dispelled once Wiz pulled out a large bag…

T-Three hundred million Eris.

"S-So much money!" Aqua said, with stars in her eyes.

It was too much money to be lugging around, for sure.

"…We'll have to stop by at the guild."

 **Part 4**

The guild had a bank-like service for adventurers.

Aqua and I lifted the bag to the counter for a wide-eyed Luna to deposit.

"…I now truly comprehend the phrase 'the rich get richer'," Luna said.

As she said that, she took out a document from under the counter and handed it to me.

I balked at the amount of Eris listed on that document.

"…Is this amount something I owe, or something I was given?"

Depending on the answer, I was prepared to activate a Scroll of Teleportation.

"This is the bounty reward for defeating the Devil King's daughter, as well as the high-ranking Devil King army leader, Sylvia. And the king sent additional funds for your efforts in dealing with the remaining forces of the Devil King army."

"…"

I had just become absurdly rich.

Like, even _more_ absurdly rich.

This money could pay through several lifetimes just from the interest alone.

Beside me, Aqua and Megumin were speechless as well.

Even that Aqua, who was the most obsessed with material wealth, was cowed into silence.

"H-Hey, why don't we go on quest?"

This suggestion came from me.

Luna-san seemed surprised. "E-Even though I was trying to convince you to do some quests once in a while, um…"

Even Luna-san was intimidated by the sheer amount of money that had been transferred to me.

I put my hands on my head as I took deep breaths. "No, if I don't do something that reminds me of my roots as an adventurer, I feel like I will lose my grasp on my identity…I would even go so far as to say that I will lose an important part of what it means to be human."

This much wealth could change a person.

It could make you lose perspective if you weren't careful…

"Well, as for quests, um…oh, this seems to be a good one, in fact, it seems like it's a task that's best suited for Kazuma-san as you are now."

As I was now?

Luna-san said,

"Well, rather than a traditional quest, this would be considered along the lines of 'community service'. You see, the police force is starting an initiative to rehabilitate some of the delinquents in this town. And they concluded that the best way to do so is to get them proper work, something to strive for."

And so, the police brilliantly thought, why not make these delinquents become adventurers?

It would be a service to the city and also, to the delinquents themselves.

It was perfect in theory.

In theory.

I raised my hand and then gestured it to a certain blonde adventurer who was getting dead drunk in the morning.

An example of a delinquent who somehow became an adventurer.

I said,

"Um, I think the police has the wrong idea about adventurers. Rather, they are too naive. Giving a bunch of delinquents potentially destructive abilities would just enable them to cause actual harm rather than whatever mischief they're up to, now."

Right on cue, Dust took out his sword and started swinging it around during his drunken rampage.

"And that's where you come in, Kazuma-san. The hero of this land, the admirable Satou Kazuma-sama! The delinquents don't respect authority, but they'll certainly listen to a hero like you! Well, that's the image I want you to try to convey. Hopefully, the delinquents will fall for it."

'Fall for it', huh?

The plan was to have me become a role model for these delinquents, as I guide them in the ways of becoming an adventurer.

Community service, indeed.

"I think that this will be fun, Kazuma," Megumin said. "And we were also rookie adventurers once. We relied on the guidance of our Senpai's, too."

"And if I use my awesome buffs on them, then these delinquents will level up in no time!" Aqua said.

These two were already fired up.

Then again, having people call me Senpai or even Sensei didn't seem so bad…

And Aqua was right. There were ways to have these delinquents level up quickly. This didn't need to be a long term commitment on our part.

And so, we accepted this 'quest'.

 **Part 5**

"Hm? Where's Sena-san?"

I expected the familiar prosecutor to be the one briefing us for this quest, but instead it was some random officer who greeted us with tea when we were ushered into the same office where I was interrogated.

I looked warily at that magical bell that was conspicuously displayed on top of a desk.

"…Sena-san works for the capital. She only stayed here for so long because of a certain somebody."

This background character was getting sassy with me.

"Never mind that, just bring in the delinquents already!"

The officer stood and was about to open the door.

"Wait, are they outside? And you're just going to let them in like that?! How boring! Have them pose for us in that room where you take mug shots!"

Megumin said this passionately.

"They're not criminals, OK?! At least, not yet! There's no need for mug shots if you can properly rehabilitate them! Anyways, I'm letting them in."

The delinquents piled in one by the one.

"Oi, who are these fools, huh?!"

"I thought that they'd be tough, but is that all you got?!"

This clichéd dialogue was not provided by the delinquents, but by Megumin and Aqua.

Well, these guys certainly looked like delinquents.

But by the way they handled themselves, there wasn't any swagger or bad attitude.

In fact, they were fidgeting and looking at the ground.

There were five of them in total and when they all finally entered the room, they stood in a line and then proceeded to bow.

"Aniki!"

They cried this in a chorus.

Eh?

Aniki?

The officer scratched his chin. "Ah, you see, they all seem to admire Kazuma-san."

"Aniki! I admire you very much! To think that a fellow lazy, unmotivated, scum of the earth delinquent would go on to become such an important person!"

"Yes, Aniki! Even though you are known as the scummiest person in all of Axel, and that there was a time when the female adventurers were close to filing a class-action lawsuit against you for your ceaseless sexual harassment and obscene conduct, you've managed to become the hero of this land!"

"Aniki!"

"Aniki!"

These guys crowded around me as they exclaimed their admiration.

At least, it seemed like admiration.

Wait, one of them mentioned something important about 'lawsuits'…

"Well, I leave them to your care," the officer said.

We were ushered out of the police station with much haste.

I was somewhat inspired by Luna-san's speech about 'rehabilitation', but it just seemed like the police were just pushing their problems onto me.

The delinquents were silent as they looked at me with expectation.

I turned to Megumin and Aqua for help.

"…For now I guess we should go to the Adventurer's Guild and get these guys registered," Megumin said.

As we headed towards the guild, I engaged in some small talk with these delinquents.

"Um, so, why did you all become delinquents in the first place?" I asked.

"…"

What a stupid question!

Asking a question like that, as if I was casually asking someone why they chose a particular major in college!

"Um, it's not like we chose to become delinquents. But there was nothing to do and everything was just so boring."

The rest of them nodded along.

"Yeah. We didn't choose the delinquent life. The delinquent life chose us."

Luna-san said that these guys just needed direction…

When I looked back at my NEET days, until I came to this world and was assigned with the goal to defeat the devil king, I was a lot like these guys.

Becoming a burden to my family, being looked down on by society…

"…!"

For some reason, I suddenly felt motivated!

"Yosh! I get it! Just leave it to Aniki! I'll make sure to set you guys to the right path!"

"Aniki!"

"Aniki! You're the greatest!"

As I embraced my brethren, I felt the eyes of Megumin and Aqua on me.

I turned around and they were looking at us with looks of disgust.

"Is this what they call 'BL?'?" Aqua said.

"What's disgusting is how they keep calling him Aniki this and Aniki that," Megumin said.

No, wait, they were misunderstanding something.

 **Part 6**

At the guild, I had the delinquents register as adventurers.

Of course, I paid the fee for them.

"…Um, it seems that none of you have any notable strengths," Luna-san said. "In fact, some of you are below average across the board."

They were given this cruel evaluation.

"Hm, this is a fatal flaw in our plan. Some people just don't have the natural aptitude to become adventurers," Luna-san said.

"You said something like that regarding me, once upon a time, but look how well I turned out," I said.

"I see! If we give them the same class as Kazuma-san, then they can rely on despicable and unorthodox methods to take down their opponents like Kazuma-san does! That's a great idea!"

Hey.

What was the deal with these backhanded compliments that were sent my way recently?

"Even so," Megumin said, "what makes Kazuma effective is that his skill-set is built to complement and balance our heavily specialized party. But a party of five dudes with the Adventurer class has no chance of working out."

Well, it's not like we had a choice. These guys just had no natural aptitude.

And so they chose the Adventurer class.

With that taken care of, we moved on to an equipment store.

The delinquents weren't too strong, and they didn't have any endurance. They had to settle for light armor sets, one-handed short swords, and small shield bucklers like the one Iris used during the tournament.

"…"

Looking closely at them…

With their standard, nondescript gear, they looked like the small fry who quickly get taken out in order to hype up a new enemy.

"So, Aniki, how do we look?"

"…If you don't raise any flags by saying predictable lines like 'We can take him down if we attack together!', then you guys should be fine."

"We should come up with a name to call our new group," one of the delinquents said.

"Hm...Something intimidating…like a storm, maybe?"

"Like a storm, huh? Oh! How about something like 'Stormtroopers'?"

"I like it!"

I crossed my arms in an 'X'. "Denied! Are you that desperate to get killed or what?!"

With the matter of the gear settled, we hurried on to our next agenda.

"This should be the perfect place to grind," I said.

Axel had three dungeons. One was Keel's dungeon, which had already been thoroughly cleared by the other adventurers. Even the undead that normally weren't active were taken out by Aqua during that incident back then.

The second dungeon was an intermediate level dungeon called Marz's Dungeon, and the third was the most dangerous dungeon in Axel, barely explored by the local dungeon crawlers.

It was called Bonekeep Dungeon.

"Perfect place to…?! Why would you choose such a dangerous dungeon for these newbies, Kazuma?!" Aqua said. "Also, don't expect me to go in so willingly! I still haven't forgotten my traumatic experience from that time!"

"…I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dungeons are the worst enemy of one who has mastered the art of Explosion," Megumin said.

The delinquents were looking at the dungeon that was notorious for its difficulty. "Um, Aniki, is this really such a good idea?"

"Relax," I said. "Even if those two other liabilities don't come, I'm already a high levelled adventurer myself, you know? Most adventurers in Axel avoid this dungeon, but those who are level thirty and above should have no problems."

Plus, I made sure to prepare a supply of Scroll of Teleportation in the case that this venture should actually turn awry.

"L-Liability you say?! Hmph! I understand. A dungeon like this is no match for high levelled adventurers like us, that's what you said, right? Very well! I'm feeling pumped up now!"

As usual, Aqua was way too easy.

"Well, no matter how many times I level up, I'm still useless in a place like this," Megumin said.

No, with her increased level, she should be able to take care of any threat with just her bare hands.

After all, rather than a mage class, Megumin was much more suited for the Berserker class.

But I had a feeling she'd kill me if I said something like that.

"OK. Just stay here, then, Megumin," I said. "If we don't come out in…I don't know, about six hours, then rally the entire town to come to our rescue."

"…Wow, the entire town, huh? That's not conceited at all. And do you really expect me to wait outside for six hours?!"

"Well, at least make sure to come by and check in on us by dinner time," I said.

She smiled.

"OK. I'll cook up something and bring it to you guys later. I expect that you'll be starving by then."

I didn't even think about how hungry we'd be after our dungeoneering.

Megumin always seemed to notice small details like that…

"I see. Megumin will make a good something-or-other in the future," I said.

"What's that 'something-or-other' all about, huh?!"

Once Megumin left, Aqua and I led the nervous delinquents through the entrance of Bonekeep Dungeon.

"I-I'm sure that we'll be alright! I mean, we have Aniki guiding us!"

"Y-Yeah! With Aniki here, there's no way that we'll lose!"

"Oh, guys, by the way, did I mention that I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend soon?"

"Oh, really?! Congratulations!"

"…"

I was confident coming in.

I mean, I wasn't just bragging. With my level, a dungeon like this was no problem.

But these guys were setting up way too many flags!

"OK, let's go, Stormtroopers!"

"Wait, not so fast!" I said.

It was too late.

The first guy who entered stepped on a suspicious looking platform…

And then the floor opened up, revealing a pitfall!

"Ahhhhhh!"

He managed to grab on to the platform, but his grip was slipping!

As we dashed to him and attempted to pull him up, he said,

"If I don't make it out of this alive…tell my girlfriend that I…"

"No! Tell her yourself! We won't let you die, Pitt!"

Gah! One of their names was revealed!

It's over!

And it had to be such a situationally relevant name!

"Just stop acting like typical mooks if you value your life at all, OK?!"

To get them to stop triggering any more flags, I yelled this.

My cry echoed throughout the depths of the dungeon.

 **Part 7**

"Volley! Snipe!"

Firing multiple arrows at once, I effectively crippled the legs of the Horned Goblins that ambushed us.

I sensed them coming with Detect Enemy. It was more of an ambush for them than it was for us.

With the enemy downed, the delinquents made short work in dealing the final blow.

Aqua healed those who sustained damage thus far, and re-casted her buffs all around.

With the feature of the Adventurer class which allowed one to gain EXP easily at low levels, and with the advanced power levelling regiment I put them through (while discreetly doping their drinks with an experimental EXP-Up potion), the delinquents raised ten levels in just the first two hours.

"Good job, everyone," I said. "Now, drink the 'Secret Stuff' I gave you earlier to rehydrate and we'll advance to the next level."

"Boy, I really love the taste of Aniki's 'Secret Stuff'!"

One of them poured the liquid all over his face. "Ah! How refreshing! Wait, oh, no! Aniki's 'Secret Stuff' accidentally got in my eye!"

I felt Aqua's eyes on me.

"BL, BL, BL, BL…"

She kept muttering this.

"E-Enough with that! Let's move on already!"

"Yes, Aniki!"

Advancing through the dungeon, the delinquents quickly progressed in levels and proficiency...

"Create Earth! Wind Breath!"

"Arggh!"

"OK, it's blinded!" I said. "Attack now!"

"Sneak Attack!"

The Colossal Ape was easily dispatched as the delinquents struck the powerful monster with a back attack.

"Remember," I said. "It's not all about flashy attacks. Keep it simple. Even a skill or spell that costs only 1 skill point can become dangerous if you use it creatively."

"Yes, Aniki!"

The Colossal Ape was a gatekeeper of sorts.

As for what it was guarding…

Further beyond, the last level was the Boss Room.

"This area has never been mapped out before," I said. "I suppose we can do Luna-san a favor and sketch out the dimensions for her."

The delinquents were much more confident now, and they had no trouble following me into the boss room.

"Now, as I said, this is uncharted territory," I said. "You've all done well on your own, but for now, stay behind me and Aqua."

"Yes, Aniki!"

"…I just told you not to yell, didn't I?"

With Aqua and I leading the group, we entered the last area.

"…!"

This last area was very spacious.

And…

"That's strange," I said. "There are signs of human occupation."

Extinguished lamps, clothing, gear, and pick-axes laid around…

Instead of a 'Boss Room', this place seemed like an abandoned mining operation.

"K-K-K-Kazuma, l-look at that!"

Aqua said this as she hid behind the delinquents, who had already hid themselves behind me.

I drew my partner. "W-W-W-W-W-WWhat are so scared about, Aqua? D-D-Don't be such a coward!"

"Y-You're stuttering more than me, aren't you?! And look at that, over there!"

I followed Aqua's pointer finger.

And I saw it.

Further beyond this abandoned mine, I saw silky threads that shone gold when the delinquents directed their torch light on it.

Webs. Spider webs.

And entrapped in them, filling almost every inch...

Skulls.

From humans and monsters alike, skulls were plastered on the webbing. Some of them hung from above, dangling from single threads. Some were clustered together in a cocoon.

But most of them were weaved into this collage of death.

To their credit, the delinquents didn't panic.

"We're all gonna die!"

But Aqua was not so composed.

I covered her mouth. "D-Don't panic! We'll just use our Scroll of Teleportation!"

"T-That's right! You're right Kazuma! And then afterwards, we can go to a guild and get wasted, right, right?!"

She was in hysterics.

"Yeah, just calm down. You can have all the alcohol you want later. I'm serious. We can even get a swimming pool full of liquor, then you'll dive in it."

The promise of uninhibited inebriation seemed to calm this drunkard down somewhat.

"Um, Aniki? Uh…we're trying to use the scrolls you gave us, but they don't seem to be working."

Aqua seemed to stiffen. I covered her mouth again.

"Maybe you guys are just doing it wrong. You haven't had a lot of practice using mana, anyways. Here, let me try. Um…eh?"

It really wasn't working.

 _Fufu. Of course it wouldn't work. If any of you were semi-competent magic users, you would have noticed the Dimensional Anchor effect on this place by now. Which means that…you will make for easy prey._

That wasn't a voice.

It was a thought that penetrated my mind…

And as such, the voice didn't have a gender, nor any distinctive cadence.

The others seemed to have 'heard' it as well.

The webs…the sheer size of them…

And what appeared to be psychic powers…

Giant spiders with telepathic abilities were monsters that could be found in sci/fi and some fantasy stories back in my home world.

Either that, or it could be a dominatrix-type, sexy spider queen…

"…Please treat me gently," I said.

 _…_ _Disgusting. I can emphatically sense your erotic intentions. Although I can choose to take whatever form I want, and I usually favor my more human form, I will to revert to my more traditional shape so as to avoid the lewd gaze of this despicable man._

"Kazuma! I know that you are the type to be turned on by anything that has a pair of breasts, but now is not the time to perv out! We need to get out of here!"

"Yeah, you have a point…about how we need to run, not about the other part. Everyone, let's get out of here!"

"Yes, Aniki!"

We turned back to the entrance and started running towards it.

 _Did you really think that I'd let you get away that easily?!_

The ground shook as the spider finally emerged from the shadows and leapt to the entrance, blocking our path.

Although I didn't have a proper sense of scale, I'd say that this spider was bigger than a one story house.

"It's huge! But we can take it down if we attack together! Storm Troopers, charge!"

"Oi, I don't care if you have a death wish, but keep me out of all the flags you're raising!"

Right now, the delinquents were all around level 15. I taught them some useful skills, but they weren't experienced enough to take on a sentient, psychic, giant spider who could apparently use magic, too.

"For now, I want you all to scatter using the Escape skill and go to the deeper areas of this mine. Aqua and I will fight the spider and create an opening. Once you see it, use it to get out of here, and then call for help."

"But Aniki, you will…!"

"Just go! Forget about me!"

Ah, what was I doing?

The mentor making a final stand to protect his students.

In anime and manga, this would be my epic final stand.

And then one of those delinquents would turn out to be some amazing person who will use my teachings for the greater good…

Wait, didn't this mean that I was just a side character?

What did my life amount to so far? Was it just the prequel to the real hero's story?

No way! If anyone was the main character, it'd be me, right?!

I mean, what was the point in me defeating all those strong enemies so far?!

"As if I'd let that happen!"

Ah.

Without knowing it, I cried out such a clichéd line.

 _…_ _Hmph. Just charging in recklessly. Take this! Psy-shock!_

A sharp pain in my head.

And then my mind went cold.

That was how I'd describe this state.

It wasn't as if I fell unconscious.

And my mind wasn't permanently broken.

But I just felt detached from everything.

Even as the spider shot a streak of web at me, I didn't feel like moving.

"Aniki! Watch out!"

I was pushed out of the way.

And then Aqua came running towards me.

I felt mana flood my head and then I began to emerge from the coldness.

"…Ahhhhhh!"

It was delayed, but I finally registered the fear from nearly dying.

"Why did you just charge in like that, Kazuma?! Quick, we have to rejoin the battle! The delinquents are holding on, but not for long!"

The delinquents were running around the spider using the Escape skill. They were pelting the spider with elementary-magic like Tinder. They did minimal but visible damage. The spider didn't seem to have a strong resistance to magic damage, but it wasn't weak to it, either.

It seemed to be going well, but one of the delinquents overextended in an attempt to deal point-blank damage…

"Watch out!"

It was too late.

 _Magic Missile!_

Eight mana bolts struck the delinquent, sending him flying backwards.

Aqua and I rushed towards him.

"A-Are you OK?!"

Aqua started healing him.

"This pain…I don't think that I will live long."

No, Aqua was already healing him. The wounds were already closing rapidly.

He looked into my eyes. "Aniki, since this is my last moments in this world…I want to finally tell you…"

No, really. Aqua was good at this. There wouldn't even be a scar afterwards.

So why was this delinquent looking at me with such passionate eyes?!

"Aniki! I…I love you!"

For someone who was convinced that he was dying, this delinquent leapt forward with such force that even I, who was vastly higher levelled, was pressed down on my back.

"W-W-Wait, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Aniki…please! I beg of you…this is the wish of a dying man!"

He was starting to unbutton his trousers?!

"How could you say that when you're clearly well enough to push me down like this?! Oi, Aqua, Aqua! Get this rapist away from me!"

Aqua, however, wasn't even watching us at all.

Her attention was focused on the spider.

"Kazuma, something weird is going on with the spider! Ever since that delinquent started molesting you, the spider started acting strange!

 _Kuh!_

'Kuh'?

Did that spider just…?

That sound that was often made by a turned on Darkness?

That 'kuh'?

 _H-H-H-How indecent! Doing such things in front of a dignified Mystic Spider like me…how dare you! But…with that said, since I will end up killing you all anyways, I suppose it would be alright if you continue…hehehe…_

I see.

So this spider was one of _those_.

Aqua seemed to have caught on to this, too.

"If there's anyone else who wants to ravage their Aniki in this once in a lifetime opportunity, please feel free!" Aqua said.

This goddess was casually selling off my body!

To my surprise, even the guy who was supposed to have a girlfriend he was planning to propose to, eagerly leapt at the opportunity.

"Aniki! I've always dreamt about doing this with you!"

One of the delinquents took off his gear and shirt, revealing a tattoo of my face on his chest.

"Aniki! To think that I'd be able to do this with you outside of the succubi dream service!"

To think that my beloved Succubus Shop was being used for such a thing?!

"W-Wait!" I said. "M-My heart is not prepared! Your Aniki is meant to be kept pure! Aniki is meant to be shared with everyone!"

For some reason, I started talking about myself as if I was an idol.

As I was getting my clothes stripped by these delinquents, I felt the familiar flux of holy magic emanating from Aqua.

 _Pant…pant…pant…Yes! Yes! Pin him down! Don't let him escape! Now, surround him in a circle and then I want you to…kyaaaa~! I-I can't say it! How erotic! Bl, Bl, Bl, Bl, Bl…! Eh…?"_

The spider seemed to have noticed Aqua powering up.

"God Blow!"

 _Gahhh?!_

But it was already too late to block or evade.

The spider exploded into a gooey splatter on the walls.

 **Part 8**

"I'm sorry, Aniki. I don't know what came over us."

It seemed that the spider was hypnotically controlling the delinquents.

And with the spider caught in a trance as she controlled their actions, Aqua got the chance to attack.

"No, even before all that, the first guy just assaulted me on his own volition, didn't he?!"

I pointed to the guy who had started assaulting me even before we learned of the spider's weakness to BL.

"…About that, the thought of dying without making sweet love to my beloved Aniki drove me to desperate lengths."

"…"

"Kazuma, if it weren't for his actions, we wouldn't have been able to beat that powerful monster. So why don't you just let it slide, for now?"

Aqua said this as she was in the middle of healing the giant bump on her head that I inflicted with the hilt of my partner.

Telling me to just forget about it…

How dare she trivialize my trauma like that?!

Nonetheless, for now, I accepted this lame excuse.

After all, it was my fault for bringing a bunch of beginners to dangerous, uncharted territory.

It was somewhat understandable that some of them would panic like that.

Somewhat.

"Um…Aniki, even if were hypnotically controlled, I want you to know that our feelings are real. Somewhere along the way, our admiration and respect towards you turned into feelings of love…"

Even though I was already prepared to put this incident behind me…

"Um, I don't mind if you guys admire me to that extent…but admiration and love are two separate things! How can you just casually fall in love with another guy just because you admire him, anyways?! I don't understand the reasoning behind it!"

"Aniki…it's not about our reasons or why. Love just…sort of happens. There's no meticulous formula leading up to it, or anything. If you love someone, you just do."

Such a schoolgirl-like reasoning didn't fit these delinquents at all!

But.

Somehow, I couldn't exactly see any inherent fault with that reasoning.

In fact, it got me thinking…

When we made it out of the dungeon, it was already dark outside.

"Oh, exactly six hours. A minute more and I would have rallied the entire town for a rescue party. I-I mean, that's what you asked me to do, right?"

Outside, Megumin was waiting for us while sitting on a picnic blanket. She brought Chomusuke along, and was feeding her some fish.

True to her promise, Megumin prepared food for us.

"Oh! What a feast!" Aqua said.

As we all dove for the food, starved as we were, Megumin inquired about our dungeon crawling.

I told her about our battle with the spider, while excluding all the unpleasant stuff.

"I see…Mystic Spiders are known to make their nests in caves that are abundant with Manatite ore. It is speculated that they develop their capacity for magic by nesting on large amounts of raw Manatite ore, and absorbing its potent energies. Along with Magic, they also have psychic and emphatic abilities, and more importantly, they are sentient, and some are even known to possess genius level intellect that can rival that of a Crimson Demon."

"I see," I said. "So that was a Manatite ore mine. But if Mystic Spiders are that dangerous, why were these mining operations initiated, in the first place?"

"Manatite ores are desirable not only to Mystic Spiders, but to humans as well, as raw Manatite ore can be cultivated into metals that conduct mana more effectively than even Manatite crystals. However, for the same reasons you stated, Manatite ore mining operations were discontinued a while back due to the danger presented by the nesting Mystic Spiders."

Megumin fiddled with the fabric of my newly enchanted hoodie/robes.

"Hm, isn't Kazuma's new robes made from the silk of Mystic Spider webs? Although Manatite ore mining was prohibited, there are some adventurers who have permission from the capital to hunt these dangerous Mystic Spiders for their webs, which could be made into a silk that are even more conductive than Manatite ores or Manatite crystals."

As Megumin and I talked, I couldn't help but feel the eyes of the delinquents on the two of us.

"The way Aniki is looking at that girl is…?! I see, so it's like that…"

"Even though it hurts to let him go…I guess that we have to wish those two well…"

"Aniki…!"

Megumin raised an eyebrow. "What are those guys talking about? And why do they look so…disheartened? Come to think of it, isn't Kazuma's story is full of holes? How exactly was the Mystic Spider so distracted that it didn't even sense Aqua's God Blow?"

"Ah…Ahhhh! This meat Megumin prepared is really delicious! You really will make a good something-or-other one day!"

"Again, what's the deal with that 'something-or-other'?!"

 **Chapter 13 END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting this Goddess with a Memento from the Past!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Gifting this Goddess with a Nostalgic Memento!**

 **Part 1**

With the prohibition on Manatite ore mining still in effect, Axel couldn't take advantage of its newly discovered resource.

The danger of a migrating Mystic Spider detecting this mine and choosing it as its new nest was still apparent, and thus access was blockaded by physical barriers, magic wards, and constant security.

We defeated the Mystic Spider, but the mine is still compromised.

"But still, you've done a wonderful service, Kazuma-san," Luna-san had said. "The guild already had concerns about that dungeon, as its high difficulty proves a constant hazard to dumbass noobs…I mean, inexperienced adventurers. And now we can restrict access to that dungeon with a proper excuse…I mean, a proper justification."

"…I find it somewhat strange that nobody knew about the abandoned mine underneath that sham of a dungeon," I said.

"We have reason to believe that this mining operation was carried out clandestinely by a corrupt individual, or maybe even an organization. They must have somehow discovered the abundant Manatite ore resource at the deepest level of Bonekeep dungeon, and sought to take advantage of the precious resource. From then on it was a simple matter of hiring desperate people looking for work regardless of the risks, to cultivate the ore. And as for what happened to these people, well…"

A long abandoned illegal operation underneath the most dangerous dungeon in town.

What a pain in the ass side-quest I've stumbled into.

One which I had no intention in undertaking, thank you very much.

"Um, I do owe Kazuma-san reward money for mapping out the previously undiscovered last floor of Bonekeep dungeon, but, um…"

Luna-san hesitated.

You don't really need the money, do you?

That was what her eyes were saying.

In the end, I decided to donate the reward money to what had now become, as the Axel police force started calling it, the 'Aniki Initiative', an ambitious program with the intention to get delinquents off the streets and have them serving the town as full-fledged adventurers.

The police described my self-directed, largely (fully) improvised behavioural correction of those delinquents as 'an unprecedented success in the field of correctional services'.

If my disinterested instruction, and practice of non-consensual doping with experimental pseudo-voodoo-woodoo substances, was considered some kind of unprecedented achievement in delinquent rehabilitation, it was more a matter of the Axel police-force really needing to get their shit together, than anything.

Well, let's put that matter behind us for now.

A few days had passed since that incident, and in those days Chris continued to stay with us as a temporary housemate.

Chris was a low-maintenance person, and she was polite and did well to respect our privacy and personal boundaries.

The perfect housemate.

But in regards to Darkness…

Those two as a duo were insufferable.

Whenever those two were getting all friendly with one another, I always felt like a stranger in my own home.

It was akin to having a roommate who always brought their lover over.

A kind of alienating, awkward atmosphere.

And my rising frustration continued to mount due to someone else…

"Hey, Megumin, about that 'talk'…"

"A-Ah! T-Thanks for reminding me, Kazuma! I have a girls' talk with the others tonight! That's what you were referring to, right? Well, good night, Kazuma! Be sure to sleep early! Hahahaha…ha."

I was given this kind of treatment.

What was it? Cold feet? Having second thoughts?

Back in the home of the Crimson Demons, this was the same girl who said bold things that could be interpreted as a confession!

This was probably the effect of daily life.

The lull of complacency…

The thought of 'Ah, it's OK if I don't do anything. Things will take care of themselves, somehow.'

…A.K.A., the state of procrastination.

As for myself, I was also starting to fall into this same unmoving state.

The habits of diligence I had developed under Iris's strict supervision, during that time we were preparing for the tournament, had begun to atrophy due to disuse.

There was simply no reason to try anymore. Every potential antagonist had been dealt with. At this point, in manga and anime, if a new villain were to show up, it would just be a method of prolonging a successful series.

However…

Compared to the absurd situations we kept getting pulled into, with ancient killing machines and poisonous slimes and panty stealing Devil Kings and the sociopath daughter of said Devil King, this period of invariancy didn't seem so bad.

There was a feeling of reassurance in such rigid patterns.

Like the gratuitous use of references to other franchises.

Or a series that constantly alludes to its title to lazily emphasize the themes contained and explored within it.

There is comfort in such echoing, clichéd constants.

And so I continued to exist in these reverberating days…

"Kazuma-kun, wake up!"

…Until that one night.

 **Part 2**

Waking up on a moonlit night with a beautiful girl looking over you.

"Chris? That's strange. I was certain that I requested for…"

"Hm? Request? What are you talking about? Get up, Kazuma-kun! I have important matters to discuss with you! Senpai is already waiting for us in the living room!"

Ah.

So this wasn't the choice of the _Succubus;Shop_.

It was a good thing that Chris explained the situation so fluidly, or I might have done something that would make interactions between us awkward from that point on.

Chris instructed me to use 'Lurk' as we descended down the stairs.

We soon made it to the living room.

"Senpai, I have Kazuma-kun. Now let's start our…"

We were met with the sight of Aqua sprawled all over the couch.

"ZZZzzzzzzZZZZ…"

Disgraceful in wake, atrocious in her sleep.

This was the so-called goddess Aqua.

"Wake up, Senpai!"

"Wah, huh? W-W-What's going on?! Where's the intruder?!"

Chris quickly covered Aqua's blabbering mouth. "Shhhh!"

"Kouhai? Why are you…? Oh, right. You want me to participate in your roleplaying."

"This isn't role…! This is actually serious, Senpai!"

"Sheesh, Kouhai. Be quiet, won't you? What if you wake everyone up?"

"Guh!"

I placed a hand on Chris's shoulder before she did anything drastic.

"So, what was this important thing Chris wanted to talk about?" I asked.

Chris glared at Aqua before taking a deep and calming breath.

"Remember the lost artifacts I mentioned before? Well, I've detected the presence of one of them here, in Axel town."

"!"

One of those dangerous artifacts had made its way to Axel?

The activities of the Chivalrous Thief had been mostly restricted to the capital, as that was where the surplus of lost artifacts were located.

After all, only those corrupt nobles would have the means and the malicious intent to collect such dangerous items.

And in terms of corrupt nobles in Axel…

"Ah, it's that Alderp fatass again, isn't it?" I asked.

The very same Alderp who almost had me hanged for accidentally blowing up his mansion.

"N-No, it is not Lord Alderp. Though, I do suspect that he has an artifact himself, but I haven't had a chance to confirm it. I had to make my retreat from the capital before I had a chance to check. Ah, by the way, Lord Alderp is currently residing in his villa at the capital, so he's not even in Axel right now."

"Well, aside from him, there aren't really a lot, or any, nobles living here," I said, "or anyone with the resources to possess an artifact, for that matter."

Most adventurers in Axel couldn't even afford the Manatite crystals from Wiz's store.

For some reason, Aqua was looking at me intently.

"Corrupt, and possessing the resources to obtain such powerful items, huh? Don't tell me…it's Kazuma?!"

"Although Kazuma-kun does meet the criteria, it is not him, Senpai."

They had no faith in me whatsoever.

"Well, to start with, have you noticed the amount of outsiders in Axel recently, Kazuma-kun?"

Outsiders…

Even though I haven't been outside recently, I did notice before that there were strangely dressed people who often gathered outside of our mansion.

And when we visited Wiz and Vanir the other day, some of their customers, who appeared to be out-of-towners, made quite a fuss after seeing us.

"Those people are actually tourists! The thing is, due to Kazuma-kun and everyone's popularity, tourism in Axel has skyrocketed. It has gotten to the point where the rate of incoming tourists has begun to rival even that of the capital."

"A-Are you serious, Kouhai?! Fufu, this is a perfect chance for me to spread my wonderful religion!"

"P-Please reconsider that, Senpai!"

To think that our popularity would have this much of an effect.

But…

"Well, if we're here just to discuss the growth of Axel's economy, then I'd actually rather go back to sleeping, now."

As if I cared about such things!

I valued my sleep more than Axel's tourism infrastructure!

Chris stopped me as I made to go upstairs.

She also stopped Aqua as she made to follow me.

"Geez! What is with you two?! You didn't even wait for me to finish! This is actually important!"

"You talk way too much, Kouhai! Just get to the point already! Do you like to hear yourself talk that much?! As expected, this impudent Kouhai who is letting her popularity in this world get to her head, has developed quite an ego! Kouhai must be thinking 'ah, finally, the day of my popularity has come!' After all, this was the same Kouhai who, before she became the prominent deity of this nation, spent her work breaks practicing that slutty winking posture in front of a mirror and then…hmph! Hmmhmmn!"

Aqua's tirade was stopped by Chris, who squashed a pillow on Aqua's face.

"…"

I really didn't know what to do about these two.

After the commotion died down, with me having to manually separate the two, Chris resumed with her explanation.

According to her, with the increase in tourism, merchants and other such affluent people from all over the nation naturally began to congregate in Axel as well, chasing the money wherever it goes.

And where the money goes, the artifacts followed.

"So, in short, a wealthy merchant possessing an artifact had arrived in town, and you want our help in retrieving it."

Aqua said this, summarizing the contents of our meeting.

"Yes, that's right."

"You could have just said so in the first place! You really do love hearing yourself talk, huh?!"

"Hah?! What's wrong with me talking, hah?! I might still be the Kouhai, but let us not forget that I am the top deity of this nation!"

"S-See?! Kazuma, did you see that?! This is the true nature of this breast-padding slut! I told you that her cutesy, moe demeanor was fake! Here, allow me to expose her further! Back in heaven, the other goddesses actually composed a song for her…"

"Wahhhh! No, don't! Kazuma-kun, don't listen!"

"…"

This time, I didn't bother to intervene.

 **Part 3**

"…And so they wouldn't let poor Eris, play any goddess games! Then one stormy…"

"Just stop with that embarrassing song already, Senpai!"

Chris was actually crying now as she relived the dark remnants of her past.

"Oi, Aqua, just stop already!"

I said this.

Naturally, as someone who also had a dark past, I couldn't help but sympathize.

"…If there are to be no further diversions, let us commence with the meeting."

Chris took out some portfolio folders. In it were sketches of a hotel, and I noticed that the dimensions and the room layouts looked familiar. Chris confirmed that this was the same luxury hotel we stayed at when our mansion was still in repair, and before we were dragged away to the capital.

"The merchants have all decided to stay in Axel's most luxurious hotel," Chris said. "They even rented out the top floors, and from my observations, they have hired men providing 24/7 security in these floors…"

"T-These merchants went all out with the security detail," I said.

"Such practices are common among the wealthier merchants. After all, you don't get as wealthy as they do without a certain amount of paranoia."

"I still find it hard to believe that…"

As I was expressing me doubt, I heard a creak on the floor and my head snapped towards the unexpected noise.

"D-Did you guys hear that?! Is there someone there?!" I exclaimed.

Chris gave me a meaningful look.

"…OK, I see your point."

"Among these guards," Chris went on, "I've noted the presence of at least one reincarnated Japanese, though I don't recognize him at all, which means this is someone Aqua-sama reincarnated before…"

Chris showed us the sketch.

A typical Japanese, straight black hair, average build and height. He was better looking than average, but he wasn't someone you'd pick out in a crowd.

"Nope. Sorry. Don't expect me to remember the hundreds of people I sent over here," Aqua said.

Useless, useless, useless, useless!

"…Anyways, he doesn't seem to be in the top Adventurer rankings, which is somewhat of a relief. But we still need to be careful. We don't know about what power or artifact he possesses."

"Hold on," I said. "I know that these merchants are paranoid, but they even went so far as to hire one of my fellow O.P. Japanese?"

"Well, with the Devil King army out of the picture, most of those frontline fighters, which comprise most of the Japanese, anyways, have to settle for smaller-scale jobs. In fact, most of them operate as mercenaries-for-hire for a much cheaper pay, these days."

"Why can't they just hunt monsters like everyone else?"

"There's a rule that forbids high-levelled adventurers from taking on quests of a monster subjugation nature below a certain threshold of difficulty. This rule was meant to ensure that every adventurer, regardless of skill level, would be able to find some kind of work, but…"

The work available to these high-levelled adventurers had suddenly become scarce.

Somehow, I felt a bit bad for my fellow Japanese.

As if living in this fantasy world with no semblance of game balance wasn't hard enough, their purpose for coming here in the first place, to defeat the Devil King, was stolen away from them by yours truly.

"So, when do we get to kick some ass?!" Aqua said.

"In a couple of weeks. We need time to prepare, and I also need to do some more recon. Um, for Kazuma-kun, I recommend that you get back into fighting shape. You've…started gaining a bit of weight lately…"

"!"

Well, I did live an idle lifestyle recently…

Sitting under the kotatsu, drinking beer while constantly snacking.

And never once stepping outside.

I had reverted to my NEET lifestyle.

Aqua laughed at me. "Fufu. As a goddess, I have no need to maintain my body, such is the nature of my heritage!"

"Actually, Kazuma-kun is just _starting_ to gain weight. Senpai has already _gained_ weight."

"I-Is this true?!"

Certainly, it did seem that Aqua's cheeks looked a bit puffier these days.

After that roast, our meeting was concluded.

 **Part 4**

The next morning.

After eating a light breakfast that included boiled eggs for protein, I took to jogging around Axel.

Iris had told me that jogging was important in not only jumpstarting the functions of the body, but it also set the tone for productivity that will carry on for the rest of the day.

When I got back, I found Chris and Darkness reading in the living room.

I asked Darkness if I could borrow her training weights.

"Hmm…even back in the capital when Kazuma was taking training seriously, we focused more on cardiovascular training to get your endurance up. Does Kazuma want to build muscle, now?"

"Rather than practicing sword techniques, I figure it'd be more efficient to just build my strength up."

"Don't treat weightlifting as if it's a shortcut! Like swordplay, if you don't practice good technique, you'll end up harming yourself!"

"That's a lie. Darkness has no such thing as 'technique' in that brawn-over-brains body of yours. Don't make a science out of something so simple just so you could have a means to look smarter, OK?"

"B-Brawn over brains?! Fine! Don't come running to me if you hurt yourself!"

As Darkness went up to her room to retrieve the weights, Chris sighed as she picked up the book Darkness had dropped on the floor in her indignation.

"You have some guts, teasing a faithful follower in front of her deity…"

Sometimes I forgot that this thief girl was a goddess, and that she was _that_ goddess I admired, Eris-sama…

"I'm sorry. I won't tease Darkness in front of you from now on, Eris-sama."

"Just don't tease her, period! A-And don't just suddenly refer to my other identity!"

After I received the weights from Darkness, I headed to the backyard to start my muscle building session.

How hard could this be?

I had these thoughts…

…but not for long.

"3…*pant*, *Pant*, 4…*gasp*…"

Lifting weights was much more exhausting than I thought.

With the sun starting to break through the clouds, and with my increasing internal body heat, I felt stuffy in my sweater.

I took it off as I started to do my last reps for the day.

I felt a bit self-conscious from being half-naked outside, but this was my backyard, my property, I could do whatever I wanted!

…Still, it was pretty embarrassing.

I didn't want to prolong this any longer, and I decided that the next set of reps would be my final one for the day.

As I lifted the dumbbell for a bicep curl, the door leading into the backyard opened.

Emerging out of it was Megumin, who had been avoiding me recently.

"Hey, Kazuma, it's already lunch time, why don't you…come…in…"

She proceeded to stare at me.

"…W-Wow," she said.

Still staring, her eyes had begun to glow red…

'Wow'?

And there was even a stutter?

I looked down at myself. My body wasn't really so impressive to warrant that kind of flustered reaction.

But it was a reaction nonetheless…

"You…like what you see, Megumin?"

She scowled at my taunting, but she didn't avert her eyes, either.

Hm?

What was this?

Could our little Megumin be…?

Well, she was in the middle of puberty, after all!

And unlike me, she didn't have the luxuries of the Succubus Shop to fall back to.

Well, then.

Shall we give her a little show?

I proceeded to, very exaggeratedly, continue the motions of the bicep curl.

"…!"

But…

It started out as a sudden tension, as if my muscles had locked in place.

Then…

At the peak of the curl, a sharp pain went through my bicep!

Darkness's words of precaution rang through my head.

"Argh!"

My muscles began to spasm.

And then I dropped the dumbbell.

On my foot.

"Ugwaaahahahahahahahaaaaaah!"

This inhuman noise escaped my mouth.

Megumin rushed back into the house. "Aqua! Aqua! Help! Kazuma…he's…!"

Aqua came running out with food in her mouth, saw my condition, panicked a little, and finally got to healing me.

As I was screaming my lungs out, I saw Darkness look over with a condescending sneer on her lips.

"Ah…seeing Kazuma in pain…somehow, being on the other end of this…is not so bad?"

This fake noble was already full of troublesome qualities.

She really didn't need another one.

…

…

After that incident, for some reason, Megumin started avoiding me even more than before, even asking Darkness to take over my 'explosion walk' duties.

I was concerned by this awkward atmosphere between us, and whenever I asked the other girls if they knew why Megumin was avoiding me, they would either change the subject or just refuse to answer.

I felt like the females of the house were conspiring against me, the only male.

Although, honestly, I already sort of had an idea of what was going on with Megumin…

I wasn't stupid, and I could read in between the lines.

But, at the same time, I couldn't exactly do anything even if I had my suspicions.

Damn it!

For all those dense, indecisive male MC's in manga and light novels, who I scorned in forums and message boards in the past…

Please forgive me for trivializing your struggles!

To take my mind off this issue, I threw myself into my weight training.

Meanwhile, Aqua started running laps around the town to lose the weight she gained.

"It's not that I'm worried about my weight, OK?! I just figured that the sweat I'm pouring out as I'm exercising will provide essential nutrients for the soil of Axel. I am the goddess of water after all! Even my sweat is imbued with holy goddess power! And sweat is water…right? Or it used to be water? Um…"

As usual, she was saying these nonsensical things.

One day, after her usual running routine, Aqua came home while staggering through the door, heaving and clutching dramatically at the walls for support.

It seemed that she had pushed herself past her limits, like a child who got too excited during sports day.

"I…can't….breathe…Kazuma, I can't breathe! I need oxygen, now! Please use your 'Wind Breath' on me!"

"Are you suggesting that I perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on you?!"

Aqua suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and her lips started drawing nearer?!

"Oi, get off me! Help! I'm being assaulted by this poor excuse of a goddess! Help!"

Surprisingly, it was the same Megumin who had been recently avoiding me who came to my rescue.

"Aqua?! Why are you…with Kazuma…I thought I already told you all during our girl talks that I…"

"No…*pant* Megumin, it's not that! I'm just *gasp* in desperate need of oxygen! I'll die, seriously! I'll die! *wheeze*…Not just Kazuma, Megumin will work fine, too! In fact, it's better this way!"

"A-Aqua?! Why are you…no! Kazuma, Kazuma! Help me! Oi, I just saved your ass so why are you just sitting there while watching us with obvious anticipation on your face?! E-Eh?! What the…I felt something on my…! Is it just my imagination or did our…touch?! Aqua…n-no, don't!"

"It's OK! We're both girls! It's fine, it's fine!"

"S-Stop iiiiiiiittt!"

I got to witness something amazing that day.

I also got brutalized afterwards by a pissed off Megumin, who started avoiding me for another reason entirely.

 **Part 5**

After spending the days fooling around in this manner, the day of the operation finally arrived.

At that night…

"Kazuma-kun, wake up!"

"Hm? Chris? But I requested you for tomorrow, today should be…oh, right. Our thing is tonight, isn't it?"

"…Again, what exactly is this 'request' you're talking about, Kazuma-kun?"

Chris was dressed in black clothing and she wore a scarf-like cloth around her face. She also wore a cloak with a hood that was meant to hide her distinctive hair color.

I noticed that she also had a utility belt that held not only her magic dagger, but also some ropes and what appeared to be thin wiring.

She saw me looking at the ropes. "Hmm…I should have thought of this earlier. Here take some of these ropes and wires. I'll teach you some useful skills…"

I learned the 'Wire Trap' and 'Bind' skill from Chris.

"Your 'Create water' and 'Freeze' combo is fine for crowd-control, but, as you've seen during that night you were…uh, trying to 'capture' me, while that combo is effective in disabling the enemy's movements, you and your allies can easily get caught up in the slippery surface, too. In contrast, 'Bind' and 'Wire Trap' work especially well in 1 v. 1 scenarios and in narrow spaces."

As for my gear, I wore black clothes, and equipped my carry bag, the 'Boots' of Speed and my short bow. I didn't bring along my partner as it was too distinctive, and people already associated it with me. My identity would be discovered right away. Instead, I brought the dagger I usually kept around in case I needed a secondary weapon.

And I also decided to wear that mask Vanir gave me.

Aside from the boosts in physical capabilities and mana capacity gained at nighttime, the mask also did a good job in hiding any distinctive facial features.

"Let's meet up with Senpai."

Downstairs, we saw that Aqua, this time around, was sitting properly on the sofa.

"Senpai, sorry for the wait. I have Kazuma-kun. It's time to…"

"ZZzz…zzzz…"

"…"

Somehow, falling asleep while sitting up seemed even more disgraceful than the unruly sight she showed us before.

"Owie…you're so mean, Kouhai."

Now fully awake, and rubbing the sore spot on her forehead, I got a good look at Aqua's gear and ensemble.

"…"

Well, it was functional.

A black and white striped shirt and gloves.

As well as the clichéd burglar cap and mask.

And as for her gear, she had an empty sack and a crowbar.

"How do you like my gear, Kouhai?"

"…No complaints."

Yes, Chris couldn't complain, as she was the one who had instructed Aqua to 'dress-up like a thief'.

We went over the plan once more before heading out.

Once we got that sorted, we went out of the mansion and snuck through the dark streets of Axel.

While sticking to the shadows and advancing quickly, but methodically, Chris told me this,

"That's a cool mask, Kazuma-kun. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, just an item I bought on a whim..."

Since she was a goddess, I thought that Chris/Eris-sama would sniff out the demonic powers in this mask, just like Aqua did.

I didn't know how she would react to the truth, so I didn't provide any details.

"We're here," Chris said.

The hotel we once stayed in.

Even from the outside, it gave off a sense of exclusivity.

From the suites at the lower levels you could spy the shadows of people. From the shadows alone you couldn't tell if the excited activity from behind the curtains were that of mutual mirth, or a terrible temper.

Chris turned to us and said,

"As we discussed, the hotel is protected with wards that prevent the use of unregistered Teleportation magic. Basically, only the staff and the guests are 'permitted' by the wards to use Teleportation magic, or any item that produces a similar effect. And even if you are registered as a guest, the wards will keep a record of the place and time such magic is activated, which the police can easily use as evidence in the event of a crime."

Luxury hotels were just too problematic.

However, Chris went on, although security regarding Teleportation magic was tight, a hotel, no matter how luxurious, was still just a hotel.

It wasn't the country's treasury, nor was it a bank.

The security would be tough, but it wouldn't be impregnable.

"Feather Fall," I said.

I casted this spell on the three of us, reducing our weight to that of a feather.

After the battle with the Devil King army, I used the SP I gained from levelling-up to learn this useful spell from Rain.

But after learning Chris's two thief skills, I now depleted all my SP.

And with my level so high, gaining levels from now on would be tough.

Well, I digress.

Now, as for why I casted 'Feather Fall'...

The plan was to propel our weightless bodies all the way to the top floor using the propulsive force from 'Wind Breath'.

Yes, I was reusing that combination that had initially featured an oblivious Darkness, who was sent flying into the sky as a diversion during that first battle with Maouko.

As I took hold of Aqua, she began shivering and said,

"Hold on. I'm having second thoughts about this…"

We didn't have time to be waiting around for Aqua to compose herself.

"Wind Breath."

I unleashed a powerful blast of wind that sent us blasting up into the night sky!

"Ugawahahahahwhahahahhahah!"

I barely registered Aqua's muffled scream through the deafening wind pressure.

As we passed the roof of the hotel, I used 'Wind Breath' again in a weaker burst to alter our course, aiming for the roof.

I then cancelled 'Feather Fall' at a safe falling height.

Well, it was relatively safe.

"Oof!"

The landing wasn't pretty, but even if we sustained injuries, we had Aqua for that reason.

"Wahhh! Why did I come along?! This is terrible!"

As we watched Aqua bawling her eyes out, Chris gave me a troubled look.

"Perhaps bringing Senpai along was a bad idea…"

She had just began to realize it.

As Aqua was freaking out, I approached her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Relax. It'll be OK. Here, drink up. You should hydrate yourself before we pull through with this."

I handed Aqua a water bottle.

She took the water bottle and drank from it…

"OK! No problem! Let's do this!"

Aqua said this as she began to crawl into the vents…a rather clichéd method of criminal entry, but it was effective nonetheless.

I crushed the empty vial of 'Elixir of Courage' under my heel, which I had mixed into Aqua's water.

Chris, who had seen what I had done, was giving me a look of clear disapproval, but she didn't voice it.

She must have realized the necessity of such small evils when it came to Aqua.

Once we made it out of the vents, we convened in a supply room Chris had come across during her solo-reconnaissance.

Chris brought out the sketch of our target once more.

A man with a sort of droopy face. The fat in his cheeks seemed to have the property of melted cheese.

"Maxim Bregor, a merchant who is known to specialize in precious metals. It should be him," Chris said, "but if it isn't, then we'll cut our losses and retreat. We don't want to be checking every room looking for that artifact. And remember, stealth is our priority. I'd rather have the necessity of needing to come back and try again multiple times than to alert them of our intentions and have the already heavy security get…uh, heavier."

"Kouhai had that exact same speech back in the mansion," Aqua said. "You really do just like hearing yourself talk do you?"

"I-I just want to make sure that we're all synchronized. Now, from now on, we will refer to ourselves with our codenames…"

"Understood," Aqua said.

"Alright," I said.

"OK. Just to make sure that there's no discrepancies, let's all say our code names on three."

"On three, got it," Aqua said.

"Let's go, then," I said.

"On three…"

"1…"

"…2…"

"…3."

"I am Big Boss!" Aqua said.

"Big Boss," I said.

"…Big Boss," Chris said.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"W-We can't all be 'Big Boss'!" Chris said. "Since I am obviously the leader of this operation, I should be 'Big Boss'!"

"Huh?! You, the leader?! Don't forget that I'm the Senpai and that I'm technically the oldest one here!"

The one who was normally discreet about her age, Aqua, suddenly started flaunting her seniority over us.

"Hold on," I said. "I actually have experience being a team leader. Chris is competent, but you've always been acting solo so far, right? And Aqua is…Aqua is…"

I didn't say anything more about Aqua, whose leadership history was limited to the games of 'King says' with the neighborhood kids.

"It might be true that Kazuma-kun has experience being the leader of a successful party, but I am the only one here with experience in thievery…well, in any case, how about we settle this with a match of 'Rock-Paper-Scissors'?"

Normally I would be more than fine with that proposition.

But I wasn't so stupid as to face a goddess of fortune to a game of probability.

And so, without reaching any kind of consensus or compromise, the discussion of code names was postponed.

As we went out of the supply room, we used our respective night visions to survey the halls.

Luckily, there was no one around.

One of the reasons why Chris chose this supply closet as our infiltration point was because it was conveniently close to our target's room.

But even if that was the case, it was a bad idea to waste time.

As we crept out, Chris and I extended our 'Lurk' to Aqua.

With 'Lurk' snuffing the sounds of our footsteps, we were free to dash towards the room.

We needed to make haste before the security team came to make their rounds.

We especially needed to avoid that reincarnated Japanese.

"Senpai, use 'Break Spell' to disable the alarm."

Aqua nodded and quietly chanted 'Break Spell'.

While not as effective as 'Sacred Break Spell' the lesser version was less conspicuous.

"OK. The alarm is deactivated."

Chris then used 'Detect Trap'.

Once she gave me the 'OK', I held the knob and used 'Open Lock'.

I felt the lock mechanism come loose.

We nodded to each other in confirmation as I slowly opened the door.

Aqua, using her superior night-vision, peered in.

"Looks like he's sleeping," she said. "As for that artifact…I don't see it anywhere…"

"Hold on. I'll use 'Detect Treasure'."

Chris's irises shone gold as she surveyed the room.

"Ah…I think I see it. Inside that drawer, there is a safe…Senpai, you might need to use 'Break Spell', again."

"You got it."

Aqua glanced around, took a couple of steps, and then somersaulted towards the safe.

"Senpai, is the tumbling really all that necessary?"

Chris was shaking in exasperation.

When Aqua finally reached the drawer, she knocked on it once, pressed her ear against it, and knocked it on again.

"Pssht! 'Big Boss' to 'Breast-pad', there doesn't seem to be any traps. Over. Psssht!" she said, while speaking to a non-existent radio device.

"…"

I actually had to hold back Chris, who started pulling out her magic dagger.

"You'll only be lowering yourself to her level if you retaliate," I said, while making soothing noises.

It took some time, and a lot more fake radio messages before Aqua finally deigned to cast 'Break Spell'.

But as soon as she had done so…

'Brrrrrinng-ring-rrriiiing! Brrrrrinnng-ring-riiinngg!"

An ear-splitting alarm resounded throughout the floor!

Our target immediately got up from his bed sheets.

He fumbled around before sitting up. He looked towards his bedside table, where a dagger laid.

Before he could reach towards it, I held out my hand.

"Steal!"

"W-What?!"

I had the dagger in my hands. I threw it to the side.

"I don't get it!" Aqua said. "I used 'Break Spell', didn't I?! Why was the alarm activated, then?!"

Previously intimidated, however, after seeing Aqua start to panic, our target became more confident.

"It's a multi-layered alarm spell. If you don't take out all the layers at once, the alarm will still go off."

If we had Aqua use 'Sacred Break Spell', the alarm wouldn't have activated.

But such a flashy spell would have woken up our target, and he would have activated the alarm, anyway, which was probably the point of the whole set up.

"Kaz…Assistant-kun! You stall any guard who comes by here! I'll crack the safe open and we'll try to leave through that window!"

"Hey, don't use this confusion to try and attach that codename on me!" I said.

Even though I said that, I knew that I was the best choice for stalling. I could use 'Drain Touch' to disable my opponents while never running out of stamina or mana.

"What do I do?!" Aqua said.

"Watch over our target to make sure he doesn't do anything, Assistant-chan!"

"Got it, Big Boss!"

This Aqua who made such a big deal about the 'Big Boss' name earlier gave it up so easily.

As I positioned myself by the door, a guard just happened to push the door open.

"Drain Touch."

He fell easily. I made sure not to take all of his life energy.

I used 'Drain Touch' also on the two behind him. They also fell easily.

I used this gap in the fighting to drag their bodies inside the room. I then used 'Bind' on them to make sure they wouldn't get up, even if they returned to consciousness.

Then I turned to the door and used 'Wire Trap'.

I threw the wire and it formed into a series of criss-crosses that filled the length of the doorway.

The other guards beyond the door had to stop and hack their way through the metal wire.

…But maybe I should have used more mana on the skill as they were easily hacking their way through it.

I should have accepted Chris's crash course on these skills…

I turned to Chris. It seemed that she was finished cracking the safe, and now she was putting something inside the sack Aqua brought along.

"Big Boss," I said, only realizing afterwards what I had called her, "we should escape through the window, now!"

"Wait! Stop right there, intruders!"

The 'Wire Trap' had already been taken down.

I turned around to disable this random henchmen who said such clichéd lines.

"…!"

But, it wasn't just an ordinary henchman.

Black hair, average height, normal looks of that of a typical Japanese…

His features resembled that of the sketch Chris showed us of the reincarnated Japanese!

Even so, if we escaped now, we wouldn't have to deal with him or whatever his artifact or ability was.

The girls started running for the window as well, with Aqua stopping once to stick her tongue out to our pursuers.

We were almost there…

"I said, wait! 'Time Stop'!"

I turned around just in time to see my fellow Japanese pull out what seemed to be a pocket watch.

As it was an artifact that did not require an incantation or preparation to activate, I couldn't cast 'Counterspell'.

And Aqua couldn't think fast on her feet enough to stop the effect with 'Sacred Break Spell'.

And so we couldn't do anything even as the room was engulfed in black…

This place, I've seen it enough to know what it was immediately.

An overwhelming darkness…

And a weightless, physical stasis…

The Ethereal Realm.

 **Part 6**

"OK, this Ethereal Realm shtick is getting old! How many times have we done this, already?!"

Aqua cried as she, the only one who could move, waved her hands about.

"T-This is the Ethereal Realm," Chris said. "Darn it. If I had reverted back to my goddess form beforehand, I would have been able to move around like Senpai."

Only spiritual bodies or divine individuals could move in this place.

Even across from me, my fellow Japanese was also caught in stasis.

If his plan was just to stall, I suppose it would have worked on anyone else.

But we had a goddess with us.

The Japanese looked at Aqua in surprise.

"H-How is she moving?! What kind of magic are you using?!"

Aqua struck a pose. "Fufu. This is no magic. I am able to move because…pause for dramatic effect…I am a true, blue goddess! Yes! I am that goddess of water that everyone in this world adores, Aqua!"

This idiot…

Revealing her identity so easily!

And what was that 'pause for dramatic' effect part for?!

As usual, Aqua had given me a piercing headache with her antics.

"I…I see…you're that goddess Aqua…huh?"

This mild mannered guy suddenly wore a dangerous look on his face.

"That dumbass goddess who sent me to this world after assuring me of the effectiveness of this so called 'Time Stop' artifact, while neglecting to tell me that I would be caught up in its effects as well?! What kind of useless power is this, one that traps the user along with the enemy in a dimension of eternal torment?!"

This guy, Tanigawa Kyouske, told us that he was one of the prospective heroes Aqua sent to this world.

And as he explained, Aqua had given him this worthless item.

The first time he used it, he found himself caught in the Ethereal Realm. He was lucky that a mage, who was using the 'Astral Projection' spell to explore the Ethreal Realm in spirit form, had come across his body and led him to safety. Otherwise, he would have been stuck in this place for eternity.

"So that's why you're not in the top adventurer rankings, even if you have an artifact," Chris said. "But, if you were lucky enough just to get out the first time, why did you use the 'Time Stop' power again, this time?"

This Tanigawa guy smiled cockily. "Well, I found a way to weaponize the Ethereal Realm, because I'm just a genius like that!"

"!"

Some kind of green energy started flowing out of Tanigawa.

"S-Senpai! Prepare to fight!"

Aqua nodded. And then she pulled out her crowbar. "I got it!"

"Just drop the crow bar already!"

The green energy surrounding Tanigawa then began to take form.

The legs first, then the torso, and then the head.

A humanoid being made out of that green energy.

"All this time, I've been training to attain the advanced class 'Shaman'. It took ages since I didn't meet the necessary stats the class required, and I had to train arduously for the last couple years now…"

He then started glaring at me.

"…It was all in preparation to defeat the Devil King! I mean, imagine, all I had to do was trap the Devil King in this plane, and then I can have my 'Spirit Warrior', who can move in this dimension, take care of my own escape. An easy and sure-fire way to victory!"

Ah, so that was the case.

Tanigawa had spent the last few years training hard, only to have the opportunity taken from him by me.

But, was he expecting me to apologize?

Sure, I got lucky, having a random encounter with the Devil King, who was away from his castle while unescorted by his minions, for some reason.

And I got even luckier as I just happened to party up with the only person in the world who had the magic power to kill the Devil King in the first place…

But who cares if it was just luck?

In this world, especially, 'Luck' is a talent in itself! I mean, it was part of the main attributes along the traditional talents like 'Strength' and 'Intellect', right?!

I mean, since I was younger, my only natural ability was my uncanny tendency to constantly win in games of probability like 'rock-paper-scissors'!

Defeating the Devil King was…luck or not…it was a part of who I was as a person now.

This was the accomplishment that belonged only to us, Aqua, Megumin, Darkness, and me!

"OK, Aqua! I give you permission to beat this guy up!"

Well, even if I was getting a bit fired up, I couldn't exactly move, so…

I-I'll just leave it to Aqua for now!

Aqua started cracking her knuckles. "Heh. My pleasure!"

The 'Spirit Warrior' settled into a fighting stance as Tanigawa glared at Aqua.

"Look…nobody ever said that Tanigawa Kyouske was a tough guy. Back when I was alive, I was the type to bow my head in apology rather than stand up for myself, in the event of a conflict. I got picked on by delinquents from time to time, but I was sincerely happy that I got away with only some teasing instead of the extortion and the beatings that other people got.

But, right when I was about to die, I thought to myself 'If I could live a second chance, I'd like to change this cowardly side of myself'. And I finally got that chance! In this fantasy world in dire need of a hero! But…But…because of an irresponsible, dumbass goddess, I was too late to do anything! I spent so much time building myself up from nothing, only to have everything taken away from me! And…now…just because you're a goddess, you get to hide away from the victim, the law, and the consequences! That's why…my 'Spirit Warrior' will be the judge!"

The 'Spirit Warrior' then started to charge at Aqua!

"…You don't get it at all, do you?"

Aqua didn't move, instead she let herself get hit by the 'Spirit Warrior's' fist.

She was sent flying back.

"S-Senpai! Why didn't you dodge?!"

Aqua gathered herself up, only for the 'Spirit Warrior' to pursue her, and land another powerful blow on her back.

"Aqua!" I yelled.

"Senpai!"

Ah.

Helplessly yelling like this by the sidelines.

S-Somehow, I was reduced to such a background character role?!

The 'Spirit Warrior' then started to rain blows upon Aqua, who was trying to stand up, only to be kept down by the steady beating of punches.

"Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless!"

Tanigawa now had a manic look in his eyes as he commanded his 'Spirit Warrior' to beat down on Aqua.

"Stop…"

Aqua was muttering this, even as she kept getting pummelled down.

"…calling me…"

A blue light started to emanate from Aqua!

"…useless!"

The light expanded into a tangible force, sending the 'Sprit Warrior' back to Tanigawa.

Aqua stood up easily from her beatings and flashed a cocky smile.

"Heh! If I'm supposedly useless, if I'm supposedly a dumbass, then what does that make you?! You're the one who ended up listening to my advice and you're the one who took that artifact in the end without properly reading the fine print in the manual, after all!"

"…"

W-What kind of screwed up reasoning was that?

"I hate people like you," Aqua continued. "Blaming your inadequacies on other people…doesn't that show how petty you are? Getting bitter just because someone else accomplished a great deed before you did…doesn't that show that you're more interested in personal glory, rather than what really matters? Do you even know what really matters?!"

Aqua raised her hand and curled it into a fist.

The orange, flame-like energy of 'God Blow' gathered in that fist.

"I am ashamed. As the goddess who sent you prospective heroes into the world, I am very ashamed."

She then raised her second hand.

This time, it was the blue, almost melancholic aura of 'God Requiem'.

"You weren't sent to this world for things like 'second chances', nor were you sent here so you can satisfy your own ego!"

She brought her raised fists down into a fighting stance, as she lowered herself in preparation for dynamic movement.

"You were sent here to save the world and the people in it! If someone else did the job for you, you should just be happy that this world can finally live in peace! You're no hero! You're just a wannabe otaku!"

"Just shut up! Shut up! You useless goddess! 'Spirit Warrior', destroy that useless goddess!"

"I told you to stop with the 'useless', already!"

The 'Spirit Warrior' and Aqua met each other's advances.

And then they clashed.

Fists flying with no regard for defence.

Aqua alternating between 'God Blow' and 'God Requiem' as she easily gained advantage and pushed the 'Spirit Warrior' back.

"F-For Senpai to generate this much divine power, although she has few followers, their devotion to her must be all that much stronger!" Chris said.

As she said that, I sensed a complicated expression on Chris's face.

The 'Spirit Warrior' was soon overwhelmed.

It staggered back and collapsed on one knee in front of Tanigawa.

"T-This can't be…!"

Aqua dismissed the holy energy in her fists. Then she raised just one hand this time.

And then an eruption of power gushed forth from Aqua's hand, which she contained and controlled as she closed it into a fist.

"W-What?!" Chris exclaimed. "She can still generate even more than that?! Just how powerful is Senpai?!"

The darkness around us began to distort, as if the light from Aqua's power was unsettling its very foundations.

"Sacred God Blow!"

Rather than a punch, it was more like a blast.

From her fist, a flood of divine power rushed forth, overwhelming the eternal darkness of the Ethereal Realm.

 **Part 7**

We escaped without encountering any further difficulties.

It was a rather overkill way to end a covert operation, sure.

But with Aqua, you were always going to get the extreme with her.

Whether in victory, or defeat.

We had Aqua bring us back into reality, along with Tanigawa.

And then when we wound back in the hotel room, we dumped Tanigawa off and left with the artifact.

We didn't rob our target, Maxim Bregor, from his riches, as we didn't have any evidence that he was corrupt by any means, only that he somehow got his hands on an artifact.

Not every rich person was a bad guy, after all.

In fact, I even left some money behind to pay for any medical attention some of the guards I roughed up might need.

Like a true Chivalrous Thief.

"Hmph! Safe to say, I was the M.V.P. this time," Aqua said. "Well, I'm the M.V.P. all the time, but you get it!"

Again, we wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble if Aqua had just done her job in heaven properly.

But, somehow, I didn't want to take this away from her.

We were back in our temporary headquarters, the living room.

We each crashed into the sofa as the exhaustion finally caught up to us.

"Well, I do have to admit that Senpai was rather impressive," Chris said.

"Fufu. It seems that my faithful followers' faith has increased in me recently?" Aqua said. "Maybe they heard that the beautiful Arch-Priest who saved them from before was the one who would eventually defeat the Devil King. 'Ah! That beautiful blue haired Arch-Priest must truly be a prophet sent to us by Aqua-sama herself!' I'd rather have them just accept that I really am Aqua, the real Aqua, but this is fine, too!"

As Aqua went on that delusional and arrogant spiel, Chris had taken out the sack where we stored the artifact.

She took out the artifact.

It was a shield.

A rather plain looking shield, you wouldn't have known it was an artifact just by looking at it.

And it was worn out. It had obviously seen its fair share of battles.

Aqua gasped. From the way she reacted to it, she obviously recognized this artifact.

"The Holy Shield Halelock. The impenetrable shield. This shield is indestructible…unfortunately, its original owner wasn't. I'm sorry, Senpai…"

"…I see. So this was why you brought me along, huh, Kouhai? You knew that I'd definitely want to participate. That's surprisingly considerate of you."

Aqua took the shield from Chris and stroked its surface. She saw me looking and smiled.

"Ah, Kazuma. I suppose I should give some context to you. You see, the very first reincarnated hero I sent to this world chose this artifact to bring along, the Holy Shield Halelock. I suppose you could say that…this is an item of great personal significance for me. I always bragged about it to Kouhai, back in heaven, and I guess it's always been in her mind since then, huh?"

Chris blushed. "Well, you mentioned it so many times. When I heard that this artifact had made its way into a merchant's hands…well, I thought that you ought to know, Senpai."

"…I see. Thanks! I guess. Um, I know that this is the part where we're supposed to hug, but…"

"Well, maybe just a quick one?"

The hug didn't even last three seconds.

If it wasn't in the hands of its original owner, the Holy Shield Halelock was just like any other enchanted shield you'd find in a magic store. Durable, but not indestructible.

In the end, even if it fell into the wrong hands, that artifact wasn't all that dangerous.

Well, it was still important to collect every artifact we encountered, just in case, but…

I see.

A Senpai and a Kouhai, huh?

…

…

The next day.

As if last night's incident had never happened, all of us were gathered in the living room, drinking some after dinner wine.

"I was happy to see that Kazuma and Aqua started to take physical fitness seriously, but didn't you two just laze around all day today?"

Darkness said this to Aqua and I, who spent the entire day under the kotatsu, snacking and playing board games with each other.

"That's enough exercise for one year," Aqua said.

"That rumor of muscles dissolving into fat due to disuse was just a myth, as Darkness said before, right?" I said. "I think I built up enough muscle for now."

"…These two are!"

"Forget about those two, Darkness," Megumin said. "And I imagine that Kazuma will be even more egotistical if he actually develops some muscles in him. Now, if you would please let me have some wine…"

Even after having that terrible hang over, Megumin still had an interest in alcohol.

Well, it was better to teach her moderation than to just keep forbidding her.

I sighed and nodded my permission.

"Yes! Now, Aqua, please let me have some of that wine!"

"Oh, sure, Megumin. Here, give me a second to get the tray."

Aqua went to the kitchen.

Chris leaned closer to me, "Say, Assistant-kun…"

"Don't call me that."

"Assistant-kun, I've been wondering, where did Senpai end up storing the Holy Shield Halelock? Don't tell me that she kept it lying around in her room, or something ridiculous like that…ha-ha…"

I averted my eyes.

No.

It was worse than that.

The Holy Shield Halelock.

That sentimental item Chris wanted to retrieve for Aqua's sake…

"Here's the wine, Megumin! Be sure to drink 'till you drop!"

"Uwoh! You're the best, Aqua! By the way, I like your new tray! It's very cool!"

…Aqua was using it as a tray for her drinks.

"S-Senpai…!"

This time, I didn't hold Chris back as she lunged at Aqua with her magic dagger.

 **Chapter 14 END**

 **Next Chapter: Lady's Blessings on this Wonderful Town!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Lady's Blessings on this Wonderful Town!**

 **Part 1**

"Puwah! Waitress, another one, please!"

"Sen…I mean, Aqua-san, I don't think you should drink so much at this time of the day…"

Darkness sighed. "Don't bother, Chris. Trust me. It's not worth your time."

We were hanging out at the adventurer's guild.

It had been a few weeks since that heist I pulled off with Chris and Aqua.

Since then, nothing noteworthy occurred.

We were now eating lunch, the usual affair of fried frog.

Glancing around, I noticed that Megumin had already finished her meal.

"Hey, Megumin. I'm not really hungry. Care to finish off my frog?"

"Well, since you offered...just don't regret it afterwards."

As if I'd worry over one measly fried frog after the astronomical fortune we attained.

I watched Megumin collect the fried frog from my plate and place it on her own.

Things have been a bit tense with Megumin and me lately ever since she invited me to her room for a 'talk', a rendezvous that never saw a continuation after it was briefly deterred, might I add.

And whenever I brought up the topic of this discontinued 'talk', there was always something in the way of it happening.

Girls' talk.

Girls' night out.

Girls' slumber party.

Girls…girls…girls…

Don't tell me…

…Megumin had become Yuri?!

G-Girls love?!

GL, GL, GL, GL, GL, GL…

"Hm? Is there something wrong with Kazuma? He's sweating?"

Darkness said this as she examined my face.

"N-Nothing…"

I hurriedly drank my beer.

"Excuse me, Satou Kazuma-sama? May I have a moment of your time, please?"

I turned to the person regarding me.

And promptly spit my beer out.

Megumin, who sat across from me, was at the receiving end of my ejection of fluid.

"…"

The fork in her hand was snapped in half?!

Just class change to 'Berserker' already, you brute!

I kept these thoughts to myself, as I turned to the person who caused such a reaction in me.

I could tell that Chris and Aqua had also stiffened at this person's presence.

A rather corpulent individual.

He had about eight folds of fat on his cheeks alone.

Maxim Bregor.

The merchant we had just robbed.

I projected through my face what I hoped was an expression of undisturbed neutrality.

Even though internally, I was going, 'shit, shit, shit, shit, goddamnit!'

"My name is Maxim Bregor. I'm a merchant who normally deals in precious metals. Um, I know that this is very rude, with me intruding during meal time, but I would very much like to have a chance to speak with Satou-sama. I have a proposition that I believe may be of interest to you…"

I was relieved to learn that this fellow was not confronting me about that heist.

It didn't even seem like he suspected a thing.

The correct action to take was to politely decline his request. There was no need to risk having my identity discovered.

But, I still felt some guilt towards this merchant we robbed.

"Well, why don't you have a seat?" I said.

His features lit up. "Thank you! Satou-sama, you will not regret this!"

Under the table, both Aqua and Chris were kicking my shins.

As if they weren't part of the guilty party, too!

As Maxim sat down, he offered a bow to Darkness.

"Dustiness-sama, it is an honor."

Darkness smiled, and said, "I'm curious to see what this proposition is about."

At those words, Maxim proceeded to take out what appeared to be a blueprint.

"First of all, I'd like all of you to please take a look at this."

A sketch of a building.

And from what I could tell from the anecdotes scrawled all over this blueprint…

This was…

"This concept is revolutionary," Maxim said, "An organized collection of different and various products and services concentrated in one place. Imagine the convenience, and the profit…"

Well, it was revolutionary in _this_ world, for sure.

I was surprised that Vanir hadn't already stolen this concept when he peered through my memories.

A supermarket.

"Isn't this just a supermark…hmph?!"

I placed a hand over Aqua's mouth before she said anything unnecessary.

Maxim went on to explain the specifics, but I tuned him out.

I was already familiar with the concept of a 'supermarket'.

They weren't common at all in Japan, where convenience stores were the retail service of choice; more of a Western commodity, these supermarkets, I still had a basic awareness of them.

And yet, Darkness and Megumin, who had no clue about the other world, were looking on at Maxim in awe.

"Um, this seems like a good business idea," I said. "But why show it to me? I doubt that a wealthy and renowned merchant like you needs funding."

"…Ah, hearing such compliments from one such as Satou-sama…but you are mistaken. I do not need funding…"

He drew closer.

"…I need _you_."

I shivered.

I received flashbacks of those delinquents who called me 'Aniki'.

"BL, BL, BL, BL, BL…"

"!"

Aqua started muttering that again?!

For some reason, Megumin stood up from her seat, dropping the fork filled with frog meat she was about to partake in.

Her eyes started growing dangerously red.

"Oi, pal. Don't tell me that I need to have a 'girls' talk' with you, too?"

She said those words to Maxim.

Again with that 'girls' talk'.

Was that some kind of code word for something?

The other girls, namely, Chris and Darkness, started sweating as they turned their heads away and averted their eyes.

"D-Did she say…'girls' talk'?" Darkness said.

"No…not that again…please, anything but that…!" Chris said.

They started clutching at their necks.

W-What was this girls' talk about, really?!

"I'm…sorry? Um, I don't mean any offense…whatever it was I offended you with, Megumin-sama, I apologize."

As if realizing how unreasonable she was acting, Megumin sat down once more. "Ah, no offense taken…rather, please forget about that outburst."

She returned to her seat and started sipping on her iced neroid with her head lowered.

Megumin had always been weird.

But this abnormal level of weirdness that had manifested recently was a cause for concern.

"Anyways…allow me to clarify. Satou-sama, to be blunt about it, I would like you to allow me to use your name and likeness as a means to promote this new business endeavour of mine. Call it an endorsement, if you will. Of course, I will pay you handsomely in return, and I will even give you partial ownership of my business!"

My name and likeness…

Sort of like how an athlete or a celebrity promotes a product?

Well, in any case, it wasn't like I needed any more money than I already had.

Any other factor that would affect my decision would be…

…It would involve the matter of how I had robbed this same man who was now looking at me with eyes full of hope.

Uwa.

I was feeling really guilty.

Just in case, I used the 'Sense Motive' skill to see if Maxim had any ulterior motivations.

When I sensed none, the decision was all too simple.

No one would say no to money, no matter how much of it you already had.

And, considering the expensive tastes of Aqua, and the uncertainty the future holds for anyone, even heroes such as us, it was unwise to turn down a sound business opportunity.

And also there was the matter of the robbery.

Ah, the guilt was killing me!

I'm sorry!

Even though it was for a good cause, I'm sorry!

I stood from my seat and held out my hand. "You've got a deal. Let's discuss the legalities and all the other stuff some other time in a more formal venue."

Maxim smiled widely and shook my hand. "Yes! You won't regret this, Satou-sama! This marks the birth of our combined venture…the actualization of my vision…Kazu-Mart!"

Kazu-Mart…?

E-Eh?

"Pfffft!"

Megumin, who couldn't contain her laughter, spit out a mouthful of iced neroid on my face.

 **Part 2**

"This is bad…"

While I was lounging around in the living room during one of those lazy nights, Darkness suddenly said this.

She had just returned from her noble duties, and as soon as she sat down on the couch while sighing wearily, she said something ominous like that.

I poured her some wine. She thanked me and eagerly drank it up.

"If that Lalatina who often has fantasies of being ravaged by all kinds of monsters says that something is bad, we should be appropriately worried, shouldn't we?"

Darkness seemed like she was about to make a perverted response…

But…

First she quickly glanced around.

"Is Megumin here?" she asked.

"She's upstairs, in her room," I said.

"Kuh! Yes, please insult me more, Kazuma! In fact, hasn't it been a long time since we've been alone like this?! Actually, recently, Kazuma, I've been a very, _very_ bad girl, certainly I deserve some punishment and…"

"Darkness? What are you doing?"

Darkness froze. She slowly, very mechanically, looked up at the stairway above us.

Peering down, with her eyes shining eerily, was Megumin.

"M-M-M-Megumin…?! Since when were you?!"

"Darkness…how about we have a girl's talk in my room…?"

"No! Please, I beg you, anything…anything but that…!"

S-Something that would even have this masochist genuinely frightened?!

What was this girl's talk about, seriously?!

Megumin gave a huff and then descended down from the stairs.

She was wearing her pajamas and she looked like she had been sleeping by the way her hair was messily sticking out.

She then settled down on the sofa with us.

Or should I say, right between Darkness and I.

"…"

H-How awkward.

I coughed into my hand. "Um, Darkness, it seemed that you were worried about something? 'Ah, this is bad…' is what you said…"

Darkness eagerly leapt at the subject change.

"Y-Yes! Let's talk about that! Or, rather, this is something really important. I should have mentioned this sooner, actually."

Saying such irresponsible things, Darkness turned towards me.

"Quite frankly, the construction of these so called 'supermarkets' inspired by the framework of your 'Kazu-Mart' is destroying the functionality of the local businesses, Kazuma."

"…"

I was suddenly accused with something drastic.

Kazu-Mart itself wasn't really a problem.

Maxim was just a good guy before he was a good businessman, and even though those two aspects don't really mix all that well, he made it work.

Rather than compete with the local businesses, he chose to co-exist with them.

The prices were never sold lower than the local rate, so as not to steal away customers from the local businesses.

However…

There were other merchants who saw the success of Kazu-Mart, and chose to create supermarkets of their own in Axel, which was, thanks to our presence, currently booming with tourists and migrants.

Well, beyond the appeal of fame, people in this world infested with monsters valued and sought security above all.

And real estate in Axel was fairly cheap compared to other places, and yet, it was under the protection of the heroes who defeated the Devil King.

Naturally, people would gather here.

But, the problem with that was, there was a demand, but the supply came from these foreign businesses.

And as regulations of taxes were loose around here, the handiwork of nobles like Alderp who wanted to bend the rules for themselves, it was tough to control these new supermarkets.

"Well, certainly, the over-saturation of businesses set up by outsiders would do something to that effect," I said. "But, it seems that you're placing the blame entirely on me? Shouldn't the Dustiness family, who is next in line of the governing force here in Axel, or even that Alderp fatass, be the one in charge of setting up contingencies for problems like this?"

Hearing my deflections, Darkness crossed her arms and continued to glare at me.

"Before Axel had become such an economic hot-spot, we were actually encouraging such businesses to come to Axel, and our policies were designed to accommodate this. Nonetheless, we would have never, in our wildest dreams, expected such a drastic change."

Well, I also didn't see this coming.

"If bureaucratic means don't work, then why doesn't Lalatina-sama just strong arm these guys into taking their business somewhere else?"

This blunt suggestion was offered by Megumin.

"Enough with the 'Lalatina-sama'! And I can't just do that! I don't know what impression you guys have of aristocrats and nobles, but our duty is to serve the people foremost, and to act in all things in an honest and righteous way…"

Megumin and I looked at each other.

"Puwahahahahahaha!" x 2.

"E-Eh…?! Hey, I wasn't joking…it's true!"

"W-Well, maybe the dainty Lalatina-sama thinks as such, but before the return of the King, didn't Lalatina-sama know that the nobles of this land were basically acting as tyrants?"

I said this while remembering the exploits of that Alderp.

"E-Even though Lalatina-sama is usually like _that_ , she is unexpectedly quite naïve!"

Megumin expressed similar sentiments.

Faced with our mocking of the nobles and their so-called 'righteousness', Darkness's face began to turn red in indignation.

"F-Fine! Although I can't exactly refute everything you said…I will show you how a _real_ noble does things! I will solve this problem fair and square, just you watch!"

Darkness stood up while raising her chin proudly.

Megumin and I glanced at each other once more.

"Puwahahahahahahah!" x 2

"?!"

Tearing up, and with her face completely flushed, Darkness turned around and began running towards the door, outside.

"Hey…where is Lalatina-sama going out so late?"

Megumin said this in between fits of laughter.

"I told you to stop with the 'Lalatina-sama'! And I'm going back to my family's estate! I have work to do!"

Declaring such things, Darkness slammed the door with such force that we felt it ripple through to the living room.

"Do you think that we went too far in teasing her?" Megumin said.

I wiped away a tear that had fallen during my laughter.

"Nah. In any case, it seems that we lit a fire in her."

Megumin giggled, and it was that melodic, girly giggling I heard during that last night in the home of the Crimson Demons.

Remembering that time, my heart started to pound.

I didn't notice it, but the awkward atmosphere that had settled on us this past month or so had, all of a sudden, dispelled at this moment.

In that time, Darkness had come running back to the Dustiness estate.

Aqua was probably passed out in some bar.

And Chris mentioned earlier that she was doing some scouting on the merchants, looking out for any suspicious activity, or the presence of artifacts.

Megumin and I were alone.

"Kazuma…um, I feel that I have to apologize."

Megumin, who had been laughing earlier, was now looking down at her feet, as she fidgeted with her palms.

She suddenly said something like that.

"A-About what?"

Ahhhh…

Damnit.

I was getting embarrassed, too.

What was up with this?

As if that month of time we spent avoiding each other didn't even exist, it felt as if Megumin and I were dragged back into that time in her old bedroom...

"…It's no secret that I've been avoiding you," she said.

She laughed, but there wasn't any humor in it at all.

"W-Well. Of course I noticed that you were uneasy around me, but…I guess that I don't really find it so strange."

I was on auto-pilot as I said this. The thoughts that I tried not to entertain during that past month all came surging forth.

"Oh…Oh, really?" she said. "And…do you have an idea as to why?"

"Well…um, I guess that, for some reason or another, something kind of happened between us at the home of the Crimson Demons, right?" I said. "And because of that…um, things became a bit tense between the both of us…"

Yes, 'something'.

In that time, I started to become more aware of Megumin.

I want to get to know her better.

I want to talk to her more.

These thoughts easily flitted through my mind in that time.

But, as I wasn't sure exactly what to think about this strange development, I was hesitant to label it any more than an undefined 'something'.

"Ahem. Well, yes. I suppose that is what happened. 'Something' definitely happened…"

Megumin continued to speak vaguely.

Then she said,

"Um, in regards to that 'talk', which I kept delaying, my intention was to sort this out. To…try and at least acknowledge the existence of this 'something'. As for why I kept delaying it…I figured that, maybe, as long as we kept living this peaceful daily life, then everything would still turn out well, even if there are unresolved loose ends. I mean, loose ends aren't enough to unravel a knot, you know? At least, not entirely."

I couldn't disagree.

Leaving matters unaddressed was irresponsible, but doing so wouldn't be enough to deal any lasting harm in our relationship.

There were even times, during this past month, when I had almost dismissed those moments we had at the home of the Crimson Demons as something my imagination conjured in the heat of the moment.

As I was musing, I noticed that Megumin had been intently staring at me.

I almost flinched away from the brightness of her red eyes.

She licked her lips, to wet them a little, and then she started speaking again.

"Well, in any case, um…what I wanted to say was that…for now, we should definitely acknowledge that, yes, 'something' did, indeed, occur. As for what this 'something' is, I think that both of us are smart and capable enough to know what it might be, but for the sake of preserving what we already have…I think that we should still wait a bit more until we fully acknowledge what it is…and what it might mean…"

That's right.

Questions of how this happened, or why, or when this _thing_ started to form between Megumin and I…

If we rushed into these things too quickly…well, it would be melodramatic to say that everything would be ruined.

But, at the same time, nothing would be the same.

However, even before, as I was anticipating that 'talk' with Megumin, I had already rationalized that maybe pursuing a relationship that could be defined as 'more than friends' or even more than that, at least, concerning Megumin, didn't seem so bad.

At least, in a logical sense, I didn't have problems with it at all.

When it came time to do something about it, though, really…damnit all!

If only I actually had experience in these things!

Curse my NEET self!

"So…we're establishing that you know and that I know that, um…'something' definitely happened…and is probably still happening…?"

I said that last part as if it were a question.

Megumin blushed even more, if that was possible, at my insinuation.

"Well, exactly, I guess," she said.

It didn't feel like we accomplished anything at all, talking this vaguely.

But…at least this was a step above from directly disregarding it all.

I couldn't help but sigh in relief.

What a weight off my shoulders.

I still didn't really understand everything.

I didn't really know what to think.

But at least I was assured that Megumin and I could at least work through this together.

I began to turn away as I continued to bask in this euphoric feeling.

"But…please don't misunderstand."

Megumin said this as soon as I turned away.

And then she…

"?!"

A warm feeling on top of my hand…

Her hand on top of mine, just like the first night we 'shared a bed'.

But, the contact only lasted for five seconds.

Trust me, I counted.

"…Just be certain, Kazuma, that I don't intend to leave this matter unresolved forever. So…when that time comes, please be ready to explore this 'something' with me...OK…?"

And then she smiled at me.

A dazzling smile.

A beautiful smile.

She then stood up, and slowly made her way upstairs.

It all happened so quickly.

And I didn't expect it at all.

Truth be told, before this talk, I had already, slowly, began to accept that maybe the unmoving state of affairs between Megumin and I would continue on forever.

I was…starting to feel a bit lonely.

Geez.

Damnit.

When did I become like this?

But, at that moment…

I couldn't help but feel…

This feeling…!

"YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"E-Eh? What…?!"

Startled from my screaming, Megumin said this.

"Oh, sorry. I just got a bit excited."

"That's really too much! And why is Kazuma following me to my room?"

I had, indeed, followed Megumin up to her room without her noticing by using 'Lurk'.

My cover was blown only when the excitement was too much for me to handle.

"Hm? I thought that this was your way of inviting me? Now, should I take a bath first? Or do you want to watch me strip?"

"…Go take that bath, then head straight to your room and sleep! If you go right now, I promise to overlook this!"

"…You temptress."

"What?! How dare you say that! Go now before I make you meet Eris-sama again!"

Eris-sama was already rather occupied, though.

Rather than a cold bath, I immediately headed over to my beloved succubus-san.

I wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise.

 **Part 3**

"Four…Five…Six…!"

"Keep it up, Kazuma! You can do it!"

"Oh? Kazuma-kun returned to his weight lifting routine?"

Chris said this as she watched me do bicep curls in the backyard.

"OK. That's ten reps, Kazuma! Now, slowly…ease the weights down…"

Coaching me was Megumin, who started talking to me as naturally as before.

It really didn't feel as if that awkward month had transpired at all.

She handed me a glass of water, which I eagerly drank from.

"Ahhh~~! That hits the spot! Aqua! Healing magic, now!"

"Yeah, yeah," she said.

She dragged her feet as she walked over to me. She placed her hands on my biceps, running her hands along them.

"Ouch! Hey, those are sore, you know?!"

"Oh, shut it! You should just be thankful that I'm using my holy powers for something as trivial as this!"

Muscle building was all about tearing muscles and having the body repair them into much stronger muscles, the body's way of ensuring that they don't break as easily in the future.

As such, bodybuilders usually require plenty of rest to allow their muscles to heal, and it is in that rest and repair time when the muscles actually grow.

But, with Aqua's assistance, I could speed up the progress!

It had been two weeks since I started using this method.

And I called this method with the appropriate name, 'Zenk*i Boost' training.

As a result of this training…

I actually found myself ogling a bit when I saw myself in the mirror.

I wasn't buff or even ripped, exactly.

But I actually had defined rows of abdominal muscles now.

Or, I guess you can call it a six-pack.

"K-Kazuma-kun, if Darkness hears of such an absurd training short-cut, she will be heartbroken. After all, she's spent years honing her body."

I chuckled as I wiped away my sweat with a towel Megumin handed to me.

"To work is to lose, that's what I always say. Perhaps it is due to that hard work that Darkness ended up becoming such a freak."

What was the point of going to a parallel world if you still ended up having to work just as hard as you would in your previous life?

That Tanigawa Kyouske we encountered during the heist was a prime example of someone who eventually snapped from all the work.

That was the excuse I went with~!

After the workout, I took a bath to get rid of my sweat.

And then I made sure to replenish all the lost calories and protein with foods that were high in nutrients and EXP.

I didn't even have to hunt monsters anymore and I was already gaining EXP and increasing my physical stats.

That's right.

This is a miracle method available only to NEETs.

"Ah, Kazuma. We were waiting for you."

Aqua said this with barely concealed impatience in her voice.

As I headed down to the living room, the girls were dressed up in their more formal clothes.

Oho?

"Hm? What's this? Did you all dress up for me?"

I examined the elegant, yet still fairly casual dresses of the girls.

There was that confession (?) from Megumin, but was I bound to trigger even more flags?

"Did Kazuma-kun forget? Darkness issued a meeting for the local business owners of Axel."

Seeing how my eyes roamed on their bodies, Chris covered up her chest as she said that.

Umu.

How precious.

As if there was anything to cover up!

"Oi, I can vaguely sense what Kazuma-kun is thinking?!"

"Regardless, you should hurry up and dress, Kazuma. Darkness also invited us to the meeting."

Megumin said this as she stood up, carrying a black leather purse with her.

"And for whatever reason? I may be the partial owner of Kazu-Mart, but Maxim takes care of the day-to-day, anyways."

"Ah, I forgot. Even though the narcissistic Kazuma has that store named after him and his face is all over the products, and the female employees all have to kiss a picture of Kazuma every time they have to clock in for work, even so, Kazuma refuses to do any work for that store aside from frivolous changes to the employee code, is that right?"

"I-It's not like I can do anything about the name! And that last part is merely a means to cultivate workplace morale! I actually have quite a bit of fans now, you know?!"

Megumin gave a face of 'what can I do'. Then she said,

"Let's put the matter of whether these fans of yours actually exist or not. However…your number one fan is right here, and I'm asking you to go and help your friend Darkness out. Will you…do that for me?"

Hmph.

Thinking that I'd fall for something like that.

This loli was underestimating me!

"Ah, do you think that I should go with a blazer, or just my cardigan?"

Seeing my submission, Megumin gave a smug smirk.

As if to say 'how easy'.

To the side, Aqua and Chris started giggling.

…Let the NEET who had gone on a date with a real 3D girl cast the first stone.

 **Part 4**

"Ah, Kazuma! I am happy that you could make it. It thought for sure that you would ditch the meeting, saying something like 'this doesn't concern me'. I'm sorry for doubting you."

Darkness said this as she smiled in relief.

Behind me, Aqua and Chris were snorting and giggling behind my back.

Damn them!

"Of course we showed up," Megumin said. "We'll always be here for Darkness."

Megumin said this as she smiled gently at Darkness.

We were ushered into a conference room in the Dustiness estate.

Darkness was wearing her 'Lalatina' clothes.

Inside the conference room, the owners of the local businesses were already gathered.

They were looking about nervously, unsure of what to do at a noble's home.

The maids were serving everyone tea and snacks, but no one seemed to dare touch the refreshments, as if they feared breaking some kind of etiquette only nobles were privy to.

It didn't help that Darkness's father, Lord Ignis, had also joined the proceedings.

He was watching over Darkness warmly, seemingly proud of his daughter taking the initiative to better the lives of the people.

No, rather, wasn't it a mistake bringing these people here?!

Look at them!

The old man who ran the liqueur store was sweating buckets.

The wife and husband who ran the bakery, who always fought over the most trivial things, were quietly talking to themselves and referring to each other with '-san'.

Ah!

Oh no!

The lady who sold croquettes and gave Aqua a job that one time attempted to make a show of drinking her tea, but she spilled iiiitttt!

"Ah! Let me help you!" x 2.

The butcher and the shoemaker, who were both publicly courting the croquette lady, rushed in to wipe the spill with their handkerchiefs.

But they just tipped over the whole tea pot instead.

"Oh no! The tea will spill over to the sandwiches!"

The old man who owned the liqueur store lifted the tray of sandwiches before the spilled tea could reach it.

"Ah! Shiiiiitttttt!"

But as he had been sweating profusely, the tray slipped from his fingers.

The sandwiches flew in the air, and its trajectory…

"…"

Lord Ignis soon had sandwich fillings all over his fancy clothes.

"Ah, no…I…"

"No, please don't worry so much. I will just go out and get changed. Rather, I feel terrible if you look at me as if I just killed your children. Please stop already."

Lord Ignis said this as not only the liqueur store owner, but everyone else who wasn't involved in that unfortunate sequence rose and began bowing their apologies to him.

Goddamnit, this is the worse!

How cringe-worthy!

As a NEET who had a dark past, I was sensitive to awkward social atmospheres like this.

This is literally hell for me!

But, just as I was about to hastily excuse myself, Darkness had already walked over to the head of the table.

"Welcome all! Thank you for coming to my humble abode!"

Is this girl retarded?!

I always had my suspicions, but this Dumbass-tina was even dumber than Aqua sometimes?!

Why was she pretending like nothing had happened, even as the maids were frantically attempting to clean the mess?!

And what was up with that 'humble abode' crap?!

"Well, you might all be thinking that this choice of venue was a bit much."

Darkness said this as she gave an apologetic look.

Eh, so this was some kind of intentional tactic?

Somehow, I couldn't help but give my attention to Darkness as she spoke.

With an even, reassuring tone of voice, she said,

"While this may be intimidating at first, I want to get to a point where the citizens of Axel can consider my home as their home too…just as the citizens of Axel have made it so that I would feel that their home…is also my home…"

She regarded each of us, making eye contact with every person in the room.

When her eyes settled on mine, she gave me a wink.

E-Eh?

What was that?

Even though I was so agitated, I couldn't help but feel…almost serene.

She turned to the croquette lady.

"Madame. Your croquettes are delicious. I like how they are not too salty and how you've perfected that crunchy on the outside, fluffy on the inside texture. And also, I am indebted to you for taking care of a party member of mine during a time of financial need."

The croquette lady blushed and lowered her head. "Ah, no…it was no problem at all. I-I'm glad that you like my croquettes…"

She turned to the couple who ran a bakery. "Madame and sir. Please do not take offense at this, but the way you bicker, even though it seems like you have a dysfunctional relationship to others, and there is currently a betting pool going on for when you two will divorce, I sense a closeness in you two, a real genuine connection. I…hope that my future lover and I will have a candid relationship like you two have."

"Ah…no…that is…wait, what betting pool?!"

"See? It's your fault! I told you that the neighbors are gossiping about us!"

"Hah?! I bet it was just that blabbermouth friend of yours spreading all these lies!"

"Why you…!"

Darkness continued on. She had something to say about everyone.

What was this?

Was this that same Darkness?

The one who always said 'kuh!' before going on a long rant about how she wants to be ravaged and defiled?

No, no.

Even if there was a thing called gap-moe…

This gap was more like a chasm!

After regarding everyone, she then smiled, all the while maintaining a confident, seemingly immovable posture.

I was reminded of the time she had resolved herself to become the last wall against the 'Destroyer' attack, standing firmly in front of the town to protect its inhabitants.

All this time, in our party, we had someone like this protecting us.

Then, she began to speak once more.

"Now, I would like to discuss the pwoblems we have….ah…"

"…"

'Pwoblems'.

S-She stuttered.

"Kuh!"

Oh, no.

There it was.

"…Such a blunder…everyone is looking at me…what had once been respect is turning into contempt?! I bet you are all thinking 'ah, what a fake noble! Instead of a noble, you are actually a filthy sow?!'…ah, noooooo~~! Shoemaker-san...the way you are looking at me, I bet you're thinking. 'Ah, this filthy sow doesn't even deserve to lick the boots at my store'. Right?! N-No, do you already know...about the time I went over to your store and licked the shoes at the discount box!"

"No, I...what?! So that's why they were so slimy?!"

Before Darkness could confess to all her deviant crimes, Chris stood and threw a rope at her.

"Bind!"

But, Lord Ignis instinctively reacted, jumping in front and taking the hit for his daughter!

"Ah?! No, I didn't mean to…"

Taking over Chris's blunder, I took out my own rope…

"Bind!"

This time it hit.

"..."

But…

The 'Bind' skill that relied on the 'Luck' stat for its successful execution…

Following the trend of all my 'Luck' based skills, 'Bind' also had a perverted side effect.

"Ah, no...I didn't mean to."

I said this as all the women in the room glared at me.

"Huff...Huff…ah…Kazuma...when it comes to this...you really are the best…"

Somehow the rope had formed into an intricate and incredibly kinky pattern that emphasized all of Darkness's curves.

Showing a face that would be censored in all forms of media, Darkness seemed to spasm before she limply collapsed onto the ground.

"…"

For a few minutes, none of us could say anything.

 **Part 5**

"…A-And that is the end of my presentation. A-Any questions?"

After that disastrous end to her introduction, the rest of the meeting was continued in a strained silence that was filled only by the stuttering discourse of Darkness.

"…Y-Yes, that report was concise. We all understood it well."

The shoemaker said this.

Everyone, while still averting their eyes, could only nod along.

Wishing to bail her old friend out, Chris raised her hand.

"Well, I for one, love this idea very much, Darkness," Chris said.

Of course, she would say that.

After all, she also had knowledge of the other world.

What Darkness presented to us was the concept of a 'mall'.

That was, combining the businesses of Axel in one operation, pooling resources and cutting individual cost while also receiving investments from the Dustiness family.

And, apparently, myself and Maxim, as well.

After all, they planned on using Kazu-Mart as the basis for this operation.

Aqua raised her hand. "Ooooh! You can call it 'Kazu-Mall'!"

She said something unnecessary.

Megumin stroked her chin. She was leaning back on her chair and she had planted her feet on the table.

What impudence.

"Certainly, it could work. But, rather than attempting to compete and crush the competition…wouldn't it be better to just ask the merchants to invest in this company? That way, they wouldn't be competing with the local economy, but rather, assisting in its growth, and they wouldn't have to worry about their own businesses failing. It's much safer to invest in a project like this. It's a win-win for all."

"T-That's right, Megumin!" Darkness said. "As expected of the Crimson Demon clan!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should always expect this level of genius from someone of my nature. For I am…!"

"OK, thank you Megumin," Darkness said, cutting her off. "Kazuma, can you discuss this with Maxim-san?"

I nodded. I was sure that Maxim would just go with it. It was a good business opportunity even if you cut out how the town would benefit from this.

Everyone else also seemed excited. Some, who were probably struggling to make ends meet recently, started crying tears of relief. They were now also shaking hands with one another, and some even gathered the courage to shake hands with Darkness and Lord Ignis.

Speaking of whom…

"Uuuhuuhuhuu~ Lalatina…I'm so…prouuuuuuuddddd~!"

Well, he was acting like how a father would, I suppose.

…

…

"Leave the construction to me!"

"Uuuooh! Let's go, Aqua! Just like the old days!"

Aqua said this as she led our former construction crew buddies to get to work on the building of 'Kazu-Mall'.

Aqua, ever the genius in the weirdest skills possible, was absurdly adept when it came to construction projects.

And she also had the ability to raise workplace morale with her party tricks.

Really, if she wasn't so mentally deficient, she could be quite the great person.

Beside me, Maxim smiled joyously as he looked over at his creation now gaining more dimensions and how the people of this town cheerfully worked together to construct it.

"…Ah, I chose to go into business exactly because of moments like this," he said.

I looked over at him. He had a satisfied smile on his face.

"I couldn't become an adventurer. My stats were low, yes, but I was still more than willing to try it out! But, I have a particular condition."

He touched the folds of fat on his body.

"My body is like this. For some reason…it builds fat very easily. It is also hard for me to build muscle. Well, I still wanted to be of service to the people, and so I decided that being a merchant is the next best choice! Money…I realize that it can be evil. But it can also bring a lot of good. As…you see here."

Maxim's condition…

I wasn't an expert but could it be some kind of testosterone dysfunction?

Well, whatever it was, Aqua could fix just about anything.

And, hell, with the new 'Zenk*I Boost' training I invented, Maxim could even build his body to the point where he can finally take up adventuring, if he still wanted to.

Well, for now, I didn't want to get his hopes up if for some reason Aqua couldn't pull through.

"By the way…Satou-sama, I found this lying around in my hotel room the day after an…unfortunate incident."

He then threw me something.

"…"

Wine tasting appreciation club.

Senior Member: Aqua.

It was some stupid club card.

"Well, I assumed that there was a good reason, and true to my gut, you are a good man…somewhat twisted, but a good man. I'm glad I listened to my gut! But please, let's just talk it out next time, OK?"

Smiling wryly, Maxim gave a wave before he kept walking away.

I looked at Aqua's club card.

I decided to rip it up to shreds and mix it up in her drink later.

 **Part 6**

Grand Opening.

It really should have taken longer, but after less than a week of effort from Aqua and her crew, and some use of the 'Golem Creation' spell, the installments to Kazu-Mart were completed.

Congratulations! Your Kazu-Mart evolved into a Kazu-Mall!

O-Or something.

"Uwa…Kazuma's face…is everywhere…"

Megumin made this remark as she saw my face displayed on a banner marking the glorious grand opening of Kazu-Mall.

"It's a necessity, OK?! I told you, I have a lot of fans!"

"Muhahahahah! Line up, line up! The 'Aniki' merchandise is now on sale!"

Vanir had taken to renting a space at Kazu-Mall to sell these disturbing things called 'Aniki dolls'.

"Ah…a chibi doll version of Aniki?! Shut up and take my money!"

"P-Perhaps I can do this and that with the Aniki doll?!"

"T-This one comes with a skirt?! The cross-dress version of Aniki is…?! Hnnnnnggg! L-Let's see if we can peek up the…"

Megumin looked at my ever increasing delinquent fan base.

"Oho. I see. You have a lot of fans, indeed."

"…"

Megumin and I took to strolling around Kazu-Mall.

We came in with Chris and Aqua, but we lost them in the crowd.

"I can never lose Kazuma in a crowd because I am very familiar with the shape of your back."

That was what Megumin claimed.

As we let ourselves drift through the flowing traffic, something caught Megumin's eye.

"That looks fun. Look, Kazuma, a bunch of people are trying out that contraption."

That 'contraption' was a photo booth.

Aside from his own little store, Vanir made other contributions to Kazu-Mart.

Namely, the creation of mall like fixtures from the other world.

Things like vending machines and escalators and gatcha machines.

And a photo booth.

"Let's go check it out, Kazuma."

Could she really not read the atmosphere?

The people lining up for the photo booth were all couples.

In fact, just looking at them irritated me.

But…

As I was being led by Megumin, who was gently pulling my arm.

And as we joined the line of couples.

With Megumin still holding onto my arm, clutching at the fabric of my cardigan, even as we already joined the line.

W-What was this?

I couldn't help but feel nervous?

Really? Megumin-san, are you sure?

You're not just playing with my poor innocent virgin heart, are you?

Thinking these pathetic things, I attempted to calm my heart down as the line slowly decreased.

A couple ahead of us happened to turn around and saw us.

The woman saw Megumin and then gave me a wink.

"Ah, what a cute girlfriend you have. You're very lucky, young man."

See?!

This was it, wasn't it?!

What did Megumin expect when we came here?!

I looked towards Megumin, who I was sure would have a violent reaction at the woman's words.

Instead she merely smiled and thanked the woman for her compliment.

Still smiling, she turned to me.

"What is it? Kazuma?"

Ah, of course she noticed something.

I turned my gaze away even as she invaded my personal space, looking up at me.

After a while, she let out a breath.

"Sorry if I'm being kind of wilful. But…it's been awhile, you know? Since we just hung out like this, I mean. Ah, I'm not blaming you. It was my fault for being hesitant in all sorts of things. Let's forget about that awkward time though. Rather…I want to make up for lost time. Is that OK with you?"

"…"

"Kazuma…?"

"Y-Yes. Sounds good."

I only managed to squeak this out.

She giggled in that same girly, melodic voice.

Ahhhh….

What is this?

What is this truly?

Such a sweet feeling…

I didn't even realize, but we were next to go up to the booth.

The couple we talked to earlier came out.

They were giggling and I didn't fail to notice that their clothes were wrinkled and their hair was a mess.

And there was obviously a hickey on the guy's neck.

The woman winked to me again. "Go get her, champ."

The guy patted me on the shoulder. "Go forth. Be a man."

Is this really it?!

This is really that kind of scenario?!

I started to get dizzy.

The world normie only knows.

What a scary place!

Things like doing this and that in karaoke and net-cafes, I thought that was just a myth?!

"Kazuma, what are you shivering like that for? Come on, it's our turn."

Megumin dragged me inside in one motion.

My knees were so wobbly that Megumin's pull made me trip towards the booth.

"Whoa!"

We both fell inside.

"K-Kazuma…"

No, girl, don't look at me with those eyes?!

From outside, I could hear people whooping and cheering for some reason.

"Yeah! Go for it you two!"

"Make sure not to leave any pics behind!"

OOOOOHHHHHH MMYYYYYYY GOOOOOOODDDDD!

Was this really happening to me?!

The virgin me?!

Satou Kazuma?!

Yes, I am Kazuma.

This very same Kazuma?!

"K-Kazuma?! Are you OK?! Your eyes are kind of dilating for some reason?!"

"Ahah, no, I'm fine," I said this as I stood. "Ah, this is Megumin's first time so let me show you how it works…uh! I mean!"

In my excitement, I said something that could be misinterpreted.

My hands shaking, I reached for my coin purse.

I tried to slip in an Eris piece.

But, I missed and it fell on the floor.

"Whoops, maybe another one."

Another miss.

And another one.

Another one.

Another one.

Another one.

"Godamnit!"

I took all the coins I had and threw it on this blasted machine.

Clink!

"Muwahahha! Thank you for using the Wiz Photo Booth, sponsored by the Wiz Magic Item Store!"

Somehow, one of the numerous coins I threw managed to slip through the coin slot.

Just one of the instances where my 'Luck' stat affected my daily life, I supposed.

Vanir's voice continued to echo throughout the booth.

"This booth has the great functionality of taking 'Future Photos'! That's right, this isn't just any photo booth! This can take photos of thy future!"

"T-The future?"

Megumin said this, with some wonder in her voice.

"That's right! The future! If thou are curious, and willing to pay an extra Eris piece, then press the red button! If thou wish instead to take a normal photo, press the blue button!"

"W-Well…Kazuma, how about it?"

Megumin asked me this question as she looked at the buttons presented to us.

The future…

Hmm…

Rather, wasn't this the perfect chance?

With so much uncertainty around us, some kind of guidance would be helpful.

And if things got too awkward, we could just laugh this whole thing off as some lame gimmick Vanir invented so he could feed off the misery of others.

Yes…

In that case…

I took out another Eris piece.

"Kazuma…you're really…?"

Megumin looked up at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

But her eyes were glowing red again.

This time, steadily…I placed the coin in.

And then…

My finger…

Above the red button…!

I pressed it.

"Kazuma, you actually…you actually pressed it?!"

Snapping out of her daze, Megumin grabbed me by the collar and shook me back and forth.

"Oi! You're acting very much like Aqua when she panics! Just pause, Megumin pause, OK? Calm down!"

Hearing my words, she eventually regained her composure.

And then suddenly, Vanir's voice came up again.

"Thy future is determined."

"Meguummiiiin~! W-What do we do?"

"Calm down, Kazuma!"

This time, I was the one to panic.

After even more of this, we both finally managed to muster up the courage to check the photos.

"Let's see, the film is coming out," I said.

After pulling it out, I held the film firmly in my grasp.

I turned to Megumin.

"Um…well, I have it," I said.

Megumin could only nod.

She was avoiding my eyes.

"Are you sure…you want to look?"

I said this, even though at this point, I thought that it would be kind of a waste not to.

No, I resolved myself to look.

Megumin leaned back on the walls of the photo booth.

"Hah…even after we were talking about proceeding slowly...we're doing something like this."

"Well, maybe it just shows us ten years in the future, happily smiling with everyone, or something."

"That would be…really nice, actually."

"And well, even if there's…involving us...you know, in that case, I wouldn't hate it so much."

"…Really, that's the best you can say."

Megumin's shyness soon turned into a hostile expression.

What did she expect me to say, really?

With our relationship being so vague, I didn't exactly have much to work with here!

She sighed. And then, as if mustering up a lot of courage, she snatched the film from me and went straight to looking at it!

"…"

"Um, Megumin?"

"Ah…"

She made that kind of noise.

She gave the film to me, and then she slumped even more into the walls, eventually sliding down.

She held her face in her hands.

What did she see?

My heart beating…

My hands sweating…

I finally looked at the photo.

"…"

"We need to dispose of that devil once and for all."

"…Agreed."

It was a picture of fried frog meat.

As if sensing our distress, Vanir's voice echoed once more.

"That will be thy meal for tomorrow! For a prediction of tomorrow's weather, please insert another Eris piece…"

"Hiyaaahhhh!"

In the end, we had to apologize to the others behind us in line, who wouldn't be able to use the machine after Megumin trashed it into pieces.

 **Chapter 15 END**

 **Next Chapter: Succubus's Blessing on this Indecisive Virgin!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Succubus's Blessing on this Indecisive Virgin!**

 **Part 1**

With the success of Kazu-Mall, the town of Axel had reached financial heights it had never seen before.

True to Megumin's words, the other merchants who had set up their own supermarkets decided that it would be wiser to invest in Kazu-Mall and the town of Axel than to compete against such an overwhelming collaborative effort.

A happy ending for everyone.

Well.

It was a happier ending for me.

"…Kazuma-san? Um, I'm sorry to say this but the guild doesn't have enough space to store all your money."

"O-Oh…"

"Yes…um, we thank you for your continued patronage, however, you may need to use a real bank this time…"

"I-I see…"

It was like this.

The adventurer's guild that didn't take a cut from your money for a shady 'service fee' was the optimal banking service for an adventurer who happened to strike it rich.

But this time, with the inordinate amount of wealth I've attained, I had to rely on a real bank.

And this was before Kazu-Mall was expected to branch out throughout the nation, and Maxim was even considering branching out to an allied nation called Elroad.

And then soon…the world…

H-How overwhelming.

"...I think I need a drink."

Seeing my pale face, Luna-san panicked.

"S-Someone get this man a beer!"

I sat on the counter as the bartender hurriedly poured me a beer.

"Ah…Kashuma…I don't normally *hic* shee you thish early…."

Happening to sit beside me was Aqua, who happened to be drinking at noon.

I ignored her as I downed my beer.

I couldn't exactly define my feelings.

Some kind of crisis?

With the defeat of the Devil King, attaining hero status, my name immortalized in history forever, and now all this wealth…

It was the feeling of 'what comes next?'.

Well, logically, what comes next was…

Well.

Really.

The only thing I could think of was…

"…Aqua. I need to pass on my genes."

It was _that_ wasn't it?

The next step.

The ultimate purpose of life.

Baby making.

"Not interested."

Aqua somehow sobered up immediately as she looked at me with an impassive face.

"And why did you think that I was referring to you?!"

Really, this goddess with zero sex-appeal came up with such a ridiculous assumption.

"Well, Megumin is still a loli…"

"She'll always be a loli."

"...and Darkness might fit your preferences but I think that you're a little scared of her."

"Just a little?"

"Naturally, that would leave me."

"Naturally?! Oi, you're the most problematic one out of all of them, you know?! Do you possess even a shred of self-awareness?! You're already drinking this much at this time, don't you hear what people are saying about you?! How could you possibly think that I'd want you as the mother of my children?!"

"Huh?! How could you even make that baseless accusation?! I'd make a great mother! In fact, I am already technically a mother!"

She said such a thing after slamming her hands on the bar counter.

Hm?

She said something interesting there.

"What did you mean, about technically being a mother?"

Aqua beamed proudly. "Yes, I am the mother to my precious children…"

Looking at this goddess carefully.

Very beautiful, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life.

If she kept her mouth shut that is.

If she just stood there, and didn't talk, anyone would fall for her.

Too bad she was always talking.

Well, in any case, this beautiful Aqua right now was drinking at noon and would continue to do so until she passed out.

She would always come home with her clothes in a disarray and she always forgot how she got home the morning after.

To put it bluntly, as a target, Aqua was very easy.

This…Aqua was…?!

"W-Who is the father?! Despite everything, I am still Aqua's friend! Tell me who it is and I will make him take responsibility!"

Overcome by passion, I said this as I grabbed Aqua's shoulders.

The guild went quiet at my words.

Ah.

I shouldn't have yelled.

"C-Come to think of it, I think I've seen this guy over here chatting up Aqua while she was drunk recently?!"

"Hah?! I already have a wife and kids, you know?! How could you even say that?! In fact, the one throwing accusations around is the most suspicious, you know?!"

"…In that case, wouldn't the most suspicious one be Kazuma? In fact, didn't Kazuma and Aqua use to sleep in the stables together back in the day? We would always see Kazuma carrying Aqua to the stables after she passed out…"

All eyes turned to me.

"T-That's not it! Really, that's not ittttt! Oi, tell them, Aqua!"

"Fufu. Of course, I'm talking about my beloved faithful."

"See?! See?! Anyone should have seen that punchline coming!"

They looked at each other once more.

"No, I don't believe it. That's just her usual rambling about being a goddess."

"Yes, Kazuma is the father. Let us take blood samples of him now and prove it."

"No, it would be easier to use that magic bell in the police station that detects lies…"

"No, you all?! Hey, don't pull on that! These clothes are expensive!"

They took a gallon of my blood to see if there was a match even though the baby was still unborn.

No, wait, it didn't even exist.

Seriously.

Please believe me.

Please.

 **Part 2**

"Fufu. Kazuma-kun caused quite a stir at the guild today."

Saying this was Chris who teased me as soon as I arrived home.

I slammed the door after me.

"How could they treat the great Satou Kazuma like this?! Don't they realize that I've done many great deeds to protect this world?! Damn it! This thankless lot doesn't deserve an ounce of my genius and heroism!"

"…Genius and heroism? Kazuma is quick on his feet during combat, but a genius is pushing it too far. I'd say that luck played a very big factor in your victories so far."

Darkness took a sip of tea as she condescendingly glanced at me.

And perhaps because she knew best what words would hurt and cause as much emotional damage as possible...really, Darkness would know best...she showed an immediate proficiency in dismantling my ego.

"L-Luck is still a talent. See? It says so on my adventurer's card. It's just as much of a skill than anything else! Why don't I play 'rock-paper-scissors' with you just to prove it?! I'll show you the true ability of a great person like myself!"

"What a useless talent! In fact, isn't Kazuma's self-proclaimed signature skill that 'Steal' which is only useful for perverted purposes?! In fact, all of Kazuma's abilities inexplicably have such lewd side effects! Are you sure that you didn't take points in 'Advanced Sexual Harassment'?! Really, Kazuma needs to develop other talents! Kazuma has gotten better at weightlifting haven't you? Why don't you dedicate yourself in improving your endurance and physical prowess? Now _that_ is an admirable quality to have! Come, Kazuma, and join me in the path of muscles!"

"Oi! Stop stealing other people's gimmicks!"

"N-Not that I have muscles or anything!"

"…And then you just suddenly go back to your own."

Chris, who was watching us squabble, began to laugh.

Darkness and I turned to her. "What's so funny?!"

"Ah…I'm just noticing how close you two are. When I first met Darkness, she was so shy and reserved. I didn't even find out about her… _tendencies_ until I finally encouraged her to come out of her shell. D-Doing so was a good idea…right?"

Chris began to doubt her previous decisions.

But she brought up a good point, I couldn't help but admit.

Although she still scared me a little with that certain aspect of her personality, my relationship with Darkness had gotten to the point where we could squabble like this.

Before, even though she was very open about her fetish, it felt as if Darkness was still keeping her distance from us.

"Ah. I guess I've been desensitized to her behaviour by now."

"Yes…I do feel that I've established a genuine friendship with Kazuma and everyone."

"…"

"…"

"Oi! Can't you read the mood?! You often say that Aqua can't read the mood, but it's you who can't!"

"Hah?! I'm just telling the truth! Ever since you peed on me in front of all those people in the capital, I'm just saying that whatever you do from now on wouldn't even surprise me any one bit!"

"C-Can you stop talking about that already?!"

"Lalatina peed herself! Pee! Pee! Pee! In fact, didn't Darkness also confess during that time we were stuck in that 'Ethereal Plane' or was it 'Realm'? I don't even remember anymore, but the point is that we heard quite a fascinating story about Darkness peeing herself until she was ten and how the maids had to wipe up her pee for all those years!"

"I-Is this true, Darkness?"

Even the laid back Chris seemed a bit disgusted upon hearing this.

"Noooo! I mean, yes, it's true, but…just stop talking about pee already!"

"Pee! Pee! Pee! Lala-Pee-na!"

"No! I-I drank a lot of tea so…s-stop shaking meeee!"

…

…

"Ah…I think you pushed her too far."

"Nah. She enjoyed it."

"T-That…maybe so."

Casting 'Bind' on Darkness as she dashed to the washroom.

She had to spend precious time getting up to her feet and then hopping up the stairs.

And then had to repeat the process after she tripped and rolled all the way down.

She just made it before we saw a repeat of that incident.

"…Ah…every day I've spent here has been fun."

Chris smiled nostalgically as she leaned back on the sofa.

I couldn't help but smile, too.

"I'm glad that you liked your time here, Eris-sama."

She chuckled. "Geez, what's with the 'Eris-sama', now?"

"You know, I think it took a few days for me to come to terms that, well, Chris = Eris."

It was like a plot twist in a novel that you had to re-read over and over again to come to terms with, and then you'd reread the previous installments and see the hints and then you'd go like 'ah!' I get it.

"Is that so, assistant-kun?"

"Still calling me that?"

"Is that so…Kazuma-san?"

Her voice took a gentle tone as she pointed to her scar and winked at me.

"Ah…how potent. So that's the technique that Eris-sama practiced in front of a mirror."

"Ahhh! Senpai is just exaggerating, OK?! I mean, I did that once but that's all just…doesn't Kazuma make all sorts of poses in the mirror, too, when no one is looking?!"

"How did you know about that?! I made sure to lock the door! Did you peek through the window?! That's a crime, you know!"

"I didn't do such things!"

"Then…don't tell me…back in heaven you…"

"Don't get the wrong idea! I suddenly had a whim to check up on you and happened to tune in just as you were mimicking the poses Megumin-san often does, and at the same time you were reciting the chant for 'Explosion' word for word!"

"Ahhhh! S-Stop!"

Blushing at having those dark memories uncovered so casually, I covered Chris's mouth.

"Mmmppph! Guuhhh!"

"Acckkk!"

I released my hand only when Chris elbowed me on the gut.

"Geez…even though Kazuma-kun acts so composed, you are riled up so easily."

"…I could say the same for Eris-sama."

"Stop calling me by my other identity already!"

"See?"

"Err…"

She pushed me away. "Ah! Kazuma-kun is infuriating!"

She pouted while crossing her arms.

"Hm…I sort of miss the times when Kazuma-kun had a bit of a crush on me. Well, the other me, anyways."

Chris chuckled while giving me a wry smirk.

"C-Crush…I wouldn't go that far."

"Puh-lease! I didn't need omniscience to see that much, Kazuma-kun."

"Hm…well, what can I say? Eris-sama has that 'orthodox main heroine' feel to her."

"Ah, 'orthodox main heroine', you say. You mean that moniker given to the blandest character in the cast, meant to appeal to the most common and generic taste of otaku nerds?"

"A-Apologize to all the main heroines out there and the people who like them!"

 **Part 3**

The morning after, without any warning at all, Chris said this during breakfast.

"I'm planning on heading back to the capital."

Megumin, who was about to pour a pile of scrambled eggs on my plate, got distracted by Chris's sudden announcement.

And missed her target.

"Ouch! Hot! Hot! What are you doing?!"

"Ah, my bad. I was distracted. Just use 'Freeze' on it."

At least attempt to show some concern, you loli.

I had this thought as I cooled myself down, in the meantime, Darkness responded to Chris's unexpected announcement.

"If Chris feels that she's imposing…that's not true at all. We have more than enough room for Chris, and Kazuma is very wealthy. You don't even have to worry about expenses. One extra person won't even dent our budget. Kazuma could probably have everyone in the town live a comfortable life if he distributed his wealth."

"As if! I'm not that rich!"

Well…perhaps she wasn't exactly exaggerating.

"Hm? Kouhai is finally going away? Good riddance! I didn't want to say this, but I've considered kouhai as an imposing moocher all this time. So if you get the hint already, shoo-shoo. You are banished from my sacred abode!"

Aqua had taken to calling Chris 'kouhai' without fear of the other's getting suspicious.

Not like anyone took notice of any discrepancies in her already erratic behavior.

In fact, we all ignored her dismissive words.

"I will miss Chris's company very much," Megumin said. "I will especially miss all of our girl talks."

"A-Ah, y-yeah…"

Chris said this while unconvincingly returning Megumin's smile.

Really, what was this 'girls' talk' all about?

"U-Um, aside from maybe Aqua, we all want you to stay, Chris," Darkness said.

Upon seeing their earnest pleas, it seemed that Chris was wavering.

"OK, Chris. I'll help you pack your bags. In fact, I'll even lend you a 'Scroll of Teleportation' so you don't have to travel by carriage."

"?!"

Megumin and Darkness looked to me in disbelief, their mouths agape.

"What?! How could Kazuma say that to someone who has become a dear friend?!"

"I know that Kazuma is cruel…but you get along with Chris, too, don't you?!"

I ducked as these girls started throwing food at me.

"Oi! Even if we are rich, you shouldn't waste food!"

Aqua, however, looked on at me with pride and approval.

She patted my back. "Ah…finally, Kazuma has gotten over that creepy fixation on my kouhai and has decided to switch his devotion over to me, a true goddess. Now, I don't expect much from you. Your monetary offerings are more than sufficient as it is. In fact, I am using my company credit card from Kazu-Mall to fund my evangelical activities here in Axel. Now, all I require from you is your piteous devotion and you must pray to me at least during the times when you are about to bathe. That's right. I want you to think of me when you bathe. After all, everyone in this world should pray to me, the goddess of water, as they rely on the nourishment of the very same water that was taken from my body…"

"There are so many things I want to say to that! What company credit card?! Were you harassing Maxim again?! I told you to heal his condition, not to extort him! And please don't talk as if the very same water I drink daily comes out from the body of this dirty drunkard!"

As I strangled Aqua, Darkness came over and latched herself onto me while Megumin took to kicking my shins.

"Stop! Gack! Darkness, you'll actually kill me if you use your brute strength?!"

"I-I'm not even gripping you that hard!"

"Take this! And this! Yunyun normally gives up whenever I go for the shins!"

"Kazuma! I may be able to breathe underwater, but if you choke my windpipes like…even I will…gack!"

Watching us, Chris began to chuckle, which then escalated to a fit of laughter.

"…Ah….ahaha! I will really miss this…Darkness…senpai…Kazuma-kun…and…M-Megumin-san…"

She regarded each of us fondly but seemed to stumble a bit at the end there.

"…Then why don't you just stay?"

Darkness said this even as she was still crushing my shoulders.

"I still have a lot of things to do. Especially at the capital. Kazuma-kun knows this, which is why he didn't have problems with me leaving. So…please release him already. He really will die."

After finally being released, I collapsed to the ground, gripping my arms.

I had also released Aqua and she fell and started heaving.

For some reason, Megumin was still kicking my shins even as I had fallen.

"…Something you have to do…ah…"

As if she was conveniently overlooking it for all this time, Darkness remembered what we found out about Chris during that first night of her stay.

"Yup! I know that it's really hard to believe…but I'm doing all this for a reason, please understand that, Darkness."

Darkness could only nod.

Chris's smile wavered. She walked over to Darkness and pulled her into a hug.

"Geez! Eris-sama has already granted your prayers, hasn't she? In fact, you asked for one friend…but now you're surrounded by all sorts of people! Not only your party…but the people of this town, too! Darkness is loved by many!"

"T-That's true…"

Darkness looked at us warmly.

"Yup! I know it's true! And I'll be back, anyway! Geez! You weren't this sad when I left for the capital initially!"

"S-Sorry…for some reason, I don't know, maybe because now that I know about your…'activities'…you feel so far away all of a sudden…"

"Geez…"

She turned to Darkness, bent over slightly, finger pressed on her scarred cheek.

And then that enticing, teasing, so naturally seductive wink.

"I've always been watching over you, Darkness."

…

…

"Well, thanks everyone, for helping me pack."

Her luggage collected in the living room, Chris gave each of us a smile.

"Darkness…I'll come visit soon."

"Very soon."

"You got it."

They both giggled and then hugged.

While Darkness and Chris were still flirting, I mean, talking, Aqua coughed loudly.

"Ah…I happened to drop something *cough* *cough*…it just happened to land by kouhai's feet? Make yourself useful and pick it up."

"…"

It wasn't even close to Chris's feet, it landed near Darkness.

Nonetheless, ever the good sport, Chris walked over to Darkness and retrieved the item.

It was a small box.

Chris hesitantly opened it.

Darkness peered over. "Oh, how nice of Aqua! Is it jewelry? Or maybe a precious stone…eh?"

Megumin also looked over. "Knowing the expensive taste of Aqua, it must be something really…eh?"

Chris pulled out what was inside the box.

It was a game piece.

From the weird chess-like game that Megumin and Aqua often played, and the same one Chris demolished Aqua in during that first night.

"This is…a 'Thief' piece?"

Chris said this as she looked at the game piece over.

"J-Just so you know…I don't plan on replacing that piece! Even if I have to play at a disadvantage every time…that is…hmph!"

E-Eh?

So something like 'you are irreplaceable' to me?

It was like that?

We all blushed.

"C-Could it be that Aqua…"

"…S-So when she was acting cold to Chris…"

"…It was all a tsundere act?"

"I-I have a feeling that you are all misinterpreting something?! Oi!"

Chris placed the piece carefully back in the box.

"T-Thank you, senpai…"

"Let it not be said that the great Aqua-sama doesn't repay the favors given to her."

"…"

I doubted that the trouble Chris went through to get that artifact for Aqua could be compensated by this little, worn-out game piece.

Nonetheless, Chris smiled at Aqua's surprisingly nice gesture.

"Um, I know that this is the part where we're supposed to hug, but…"

"Well, maybe just a quick one?"

This time, the hug lasted more than 3 seconds.

Though, not by much.

 **Part 4**

A few weeks had past since Chris left for the capital.

During that time...

"Well, Kazuma, I will rely on you once more."

"You can count on me."

Megumin and I nodded to each other before we headed down the familiar route leading to that old abandoned castle.

In that month of awkwardness, Megumin had been relying on Darkness or Aqua for her explosion needs.

But now that we had reconciled our relationship, so to speak, addressing the cause for that tension, albeit, in a very roundabout manner, we could resume our explosion walk routine, as per usual.

I felt relief and even some joy after that confession (?) from Megumin.

And I shared a heart-pounding moment with Megumin in that photo booth.

But…

Well…

Being satisfied by those things, I wasn't some lovestruck schoolgirl.

I may have been happy and satisfied with those things at the moment.

'Ah, is this really happening to me?'

I had those thoughts.

But, as time went on, and I looked back at those moments, I noticed something.

N-Nothing really happened, did it?

That was just some feel-good fluff, but in the end, nothing of relevance really occurred, right?!

Damn it! I had almost fallen for the cliché that male characters in anime and light novels fell into.

At this point, our days would go on with nothing progressing.

Another period of awkwardness might return, again.

But, I couldn't exactly just go up to Megumin and say, 'ah, I know that we talked about going slow and eventually figuring this out, but I am a man, too, and I have needs, and more than anything I hate this kind of slow moving romance, so please give me your body'.

Yeah.  
I couldn't just say that.

Well…

At the same time…

What was stopping me from doing just that?

Arghh!

This is too hard to figure out for a dumb virgin like myself!

Oh, god!

Oh, Lord!

I really don't know what to do about this romantic development, Lord! Please give me some advice, Lord!

As I had these thoughts, I was silent as Megumin and I climbed up that hill.

"…"

"Hm? Kazuma? You've been very quiet so far. Is there something wrong?"

Walking ahead of me, Megumin turned around once she sensed my detachment.

"…Somehow, I feel like this is sort of a waste of time?"

"?!"

Megumin looked at me in shock and panic.

"W-What could Kazuma be talking about?! Ah, the look in your eyes tells me that this goes beyond our explosion routine. Tell me, what's wrong?"

"Promise that you won't be angry if I say this."

"I promise."

"Lately, I've been thinking that, a hero as great as me, who accomplished every goal I've set out for myself…well, I think that I should be getting laid right about now."

"…"

In a matter of seconds, all of the life in Megumin's eyes seemed to have been sucked out.

She continued to look at me blankly.

"And, well, there has been a good mood developing between me and Megumin, recently. Right?"

"…"

"I'm not saying that we go straight to babymaking. Just some casual hook-ups are fine. No, really, just the tip will do."

"…"

"Oi, you promised not to be angry!"

"…I'm not angry, am I? I'm somewhat disgusted, and a bit impressed that you could just up and say such things, but I'm not angry."

"Is that so? Well, there's some bushes over there. Should we do this before, or after the explosion? Not that I'm into doing it with paralyzed girls, but…"

"Just because I'm not exactly angry, doesn't mean that I'll just jump your bones just like that!"

"Stop sending mixed signals, already!"

"I'm really not the one sending mixed signals! It's Kazuma, isn't it?! You were so meek and shy during that 'talk' we had, and in that photo booth, too, you were so hesitant about everything! What brought this on?!"

"I realized my mistake, that's all. If I just keep fidgeting around, then I will fall into the same cliché traps that I despise."

"This was a mistake. I'll keep relying on Darkness and Aqua for my explosion routine from now on."

"Wait, let's not be hasty. I'll behave. I'm not the type of guy who preys on girls while they are in a defenseless state."

"I am rather inclined to believe you. Kazuma is a scum, but he is not a criminal."

"Yes, please place a bit more trust in me."

'Fine. I will put my trust in Kazuma."

With that said, we both shook hands and smiled.

…

…

"I see. So you do like black panties, huh? But these don't look particularly lacy. Megumin, we are rich now. We should buy you fancier underwear."

"It was a mistake! I should have known that trusting Kazuma was a mistake!"

After casting explosion on that castle that wasn't really a castle anymore but a pile of rubble, I couldn't help but do a certain kind of act after Megumin's depleted body flopped onto the ground.

That is, lying supine directly behind Megumin and peeking up her robes.

"In any case, I believe that this is more a fault to my character than Kazuma's, as I still can't get get genuinely angry or offended by your actions, even when every facet of common sense tells me that I should."

"Perhaps Megumin is growing up? After all, mature ladies wouldn't make such a big fuss at having what is essentially just a mere piece of fabric peeked at by a man. In fact, you should take this as a compliment."

"I am now starting to get a bit angry."

"Then, I will stop. See? I am a true gentleman. Although I did not exactly ask for consent, I ceased my questionable actions immediately after the lady asked me to."

"This is more a display of the deterring influence of the law rather than any morality or decency on Kazuma's part."

"..."

It was a miracle that Megumin didn't file any charges on me.

This was one of those moments that felt justified at the time, when one's libido was in full-control, surpassing any form of rationality, which would hit one's conscience and inflict regret only after the hormones had dissipated.

However, even after such blatant sexual harassment, Megumin still treated me like normal.

Megumin was pretty easy-going to begin with.

Aside from her tendency and need and want for general destruction, she was probably the most sensible one in our party.

Later that same day, after dinner time, as we were all lounging in the living room, I received another note from Megumin, reminding me of the first time she invited me to a 'talk'.

 _Can I visit your room tonight?_

 _Yes:_

 _No:_

"Yes! Definitely yes!"

I yelled this aloud.

"What's wrong with Kazuma?"

"Don't pay attention to him. It will only reinforce his erratic behavior."

Aqua and Darkness rudely said these things.

And so, very much like last time, I took a bath.

But unlike last time, I was resolute in my actions.

Yes, my libido was taking over my rationality once more.

A little bit past midnight, I heard a knock on my door.

"Kazuma? It's me. May I come in?"

"Go ahead."

Megumin came in wearing her pajamas.

In her arms was Chomusuke.

"Can I lie down with Kazuma for a bit?"

 **Part 5**

"And then, you won't believe this, Yunyun actually has this tattoo and it's located on her…"

"…"

It had been an hour since Megumin came to visit my room.

She was lying down on my bed with me.

With Chomusuke between us.

Chomusuke was sitting atop a two feet tall barricade of pillows separating Megumin and I, keeping her feline eyes on me and hissing whenever I moved even an inch closer to Megumin's side of the pillow fort.

And all this time, Megumin had been chatting about her daily life.

Rather than the amorous rendezvous I expected, this situation was like your younger sibling coming to your room late in the night to bug you because they couldn't fall asleep.

"…"

How disappointing.

After another half-hour of Megumin talking and me responding despondently, she eventually sat up and grabbed Chomusuke.

"Thank you, Kazuma. That was very fun. Can we do that again?"

She placed her hand on top of mine and then stood, smiled, and then left.

"…"

And so, that was the start of another routine with Megumin.

Megumin coming to my room late at night, bringing Chomusuke with her.

We would chat for an hour or so and then she'd return to her room.

I got blue-balled recently.

I was pretty bummed out about it.

But I think the one who blue-balled me was probably happier blue-balling me than I am sad to be blue-balled. The total happiness in this wonderful world just increased.

So, whatever.

"..."

Not!

Oi!

Why was that succubus in disguise playing with the heart of an innocent virgin like me?!

…

…

"Welcome! Satou-sama, you've been coming here a lot, lately!"

Greeting me was a drill-haired succubus.

"T-The life of a hero is very stressful, after all…"

"Kazuma-sama must have all sorts of responsibilities now. Who would have known that the Satou-sama who often requests for dreams involving strange, unfamiliar terms like 'Gravure Idols' and 'AV actresses' would go on to accomplish such great things!"

"…What happened to customer confidentiality?"

The other adventurers greeted me as I was led along to my usual booth.

"Kazuma is here? Even though he is the famous hero now, he still has to use a service like this?"

"Ah, I thought that Kazuma was already dating the crazy explosion girl?"

"Don't worry, Kazuma. Let's all be wet dream bros from now on."

"…"

"Here you are, Kazuma-sama."

I was seated at my usual table.

"Ah, Kazuma, you're here again."

At the table next to mine, everything below his face hidden by a divider, was the blond delinquent, Dust.

"Ah…what are you ordering today, Kazuma? Are you gonna ask for those girls in that group back in your homeland? What were they called…'AKB69'…or something?"

"Really! What happened to customer confidentiality around here?!"

I yelled this as I threw my pen at Dust's head.

"Oi! I get it. You're frustrated for all sorts of reasons. No need to take it out on me. We're all in the same boat here."

Despite the subject matter, Dust was talking reasonably.

"Yeah. Sorry. It's just that one of my teammates have been causing me some distress, recently."

"Ah. I gotcha. My party member, Rin, has been getting on my nerves, too. That's why I'm looking forward to some hardcore revenge play with her tonight. Buwehehehe~"

Hm?

This delinquent mentioned something interesting?

"I thought that the 'hardcore revenge' setting was banned for all sorts of morality reasons?"

Initially, the succubi had a policy of 'anything goes'.

But, they severely underestimated the twisted minds of a lonely bachelor.

"In the end, it's all just a dream, anyway," Dust said. "So, even if that setting is kind of iffy…and borderline really screwed up, the succubi finally ignored their conscience and gave in to our incessant demands. And so, the ban on 'hardcore revenge' play was lifted."

T-These guys were ruthless.

True scum.

Still, such a setting…

Now, you must understand.

At this point, it had been two weeks since my routine with Megumin started.

Ever since then, I've been blue-balled to the point of insanity.

The frequent visits to the succubus shop helped, but it wasn't a permanent fix to my predicament.

And I didn't know how Megumin would react if I cancelled our nightly-meet ups too many times.

Damn it!

It was all that loli's fault!

Teasing a horndog virgin like me was just plain cruel!

I needed to get back at her somehow!

Well, that was my reasoning.

And so, encouraged by Dust as he unhesitatingly wrote his party member's name under the 'hardcore revenge' settings, while spurred on by my pent up desires…

"Thank you, Kazuma-sama. Expect us to visit tonight."

"Buwehehehe~!" x 2.

I made this strange sound with Dust as we made our way out of the succubus shop.

 **Part 6**

I usually stayed out at an inn whenever I used the succubus service.

I wasn't like Aqua, who never learns from her mistakes.

Resting my head on a pillow, getting my body comfortable, I prepared myself for a night of good dreams.

Soon, I drifted off to sleep.

The transition was always seamless, but obvious.

From a lying position, I found myself standing.

I looked around and and instantly recognized the familiar route of my explosion routine with Megumin.

And, on my back, was a familiar weight.

"That was a splendid explosion! How would you rate it, Kazuma?"

Without even needing to turn around, I recognized my passenger immediately.

Even though this was just a dream, and that kind of dream, somehow, I felt compelled to answer as I would to the real Megumin.

"Perfect score."

"It feels strange to complain, but it's always a perfect score these days."

Ever since her Explosion became a warhead-class, anything below a perfect score was just a fraudulent evaluation.

"Maybe we should go beyond 100? Or maybe we should go into negatives."

"Would you really want to be rated with negatives?"

"How about a letter grade system?"

"The result will be the same."

Dream-Megumin and I engaged in the usual small talk for a while.

"Ah, Kazuma. There's a small clearing over there. Let's rest a bit."

I didn't know if such a clearing really existed in reality, or not.

Regardless, I followed dream-Megumin's instructions.

"Let's sit over there, by the creek."

There was a creek by the clearing that was hidden behind some shrubbery.

I cleared past the foliage with my hands as we made our way to the creek.

The creek's currents were gentle moving and coursed to the east and you could follow the path of the water with your sight only until a pair of large and thick trees impeded your vision.

Within the clear and shallow waters you could see the bed of white rocks underneath, and you could spot them, slithering across the rocks, the local catalogue of aquatic species that included these large tadpoles that would eventually grow into Giant Toads in their adulthood.

I sat dream-Megumin down on a dry and smooth patch of grass and I sat down beside her and we continued to chat some more.

At this point, I had somehow forgotten that this was a dream, as I got lost in the conversation. Somehow I found real delight in the tired variations of conversational threads we've woven many times previous.

Dream-Megumin placed her hand on top of mine.

"What a perfect day. I'm glad that I got to share it with you."

My erotic energies had dissipated.

My malicious intentions were forgotten.

I was filled with a profound sense of peace.

And then I woke up.

I blinked my eyes.

I was once more in the dark room of the inn.

I sat up and shuffled out of my bed sheets.

Just to make certain of it, I checked my underwear, but I couldn't find the usual biological spillage.

I had requested a 'hardcore revenge' scenario, something of the sort that would have someone like Darkness squeamish and hesitant.

And yet, the dream settings were somehow supplanted by that lovey-dovey scenario.

"…"

I didn't need any knowledge in dream psychology to decipher the contents of that dream.

Ah.

Oh, no.

This is bad.

 **Part 7**

The next day, first thing in the morning, I made my way to the Succubus Shop.

A different Succubus greeted me. It was the receptionist succubus onee-san who serviced me on my first visit here.

"My, my. If it isn't Kazuma-sama. I heard that you came by yesterday. Why are you back so soon?"

I lowered my voice so as not to cause a scandal.

"Actually, I came here with a complaint."

Despite how I lowered my voice, the usually lively ambience of the Succubus Shop was overcome by silence.

"Hey, what is that guy complaining about? This place is practically heaven."

"Maybe he's just trying to blackmail the Succubi by saying things like 'If you don't want me to make a big deal out of this, then service me not only in my dreams, but in real life, too'. What a scumbag. Let's kill this guy."

The real scumbag was the one who could come up with such a scenario on the spot, I thought.

"Oi, maybe he's dissatisfied with the service because he's, you know, a homo?"

"Idiot. There's nothing stopping you from requesting a male partner. N-Not that I'd know anything about that…"

I made sure to remember the faces of these gossipers maligning my good name.

"Oh, my. It would not be an exaggeration to say that Kazuma-sama's steady contributions is what keeps our operations afloat. We need to take this complaint seriously."

"No, the way you said that framed me as some kind of super-pervert. Please take that back."

"In any case, please come in."

She ushered me in and led the way inside to an area in the succubus shop I've never visited before.

"This is our office. Please come in."

I was led to a space that could be considered an office, if it weren't for the abundance of personal effects, and the coat rack in the corner that was used as a sort of impromptu hanging place for discarded underwear.

"I apologize for the mess. While this is, indeed, an office, we rarely need to bring clients here, so as you see, it's in this sort of state."

The embarrassed look on this sexually dominant succubus was quite refreshing.

And sort-of a turn on.

I was seated and given tea. Once the usual social protocols were exchanged, she proceeded to address my concerns.

"So, in regards to your complaint, please elaborate, Kazuma-sama."

I told her about the dream. About what went wrong. About the lack of erotic activity and how, instead of the hardcore play I requested, I was given a scenario that would not be amiss in a schoolgirl's romantic daydream.

Once I finished, I sipped some tea and leaned back on my chair.

She considered me for a second, and then gave a wry smile.

"I will say this much, Kazuma-sama. The nature of our powers is in the realms of 'suggestion' rather than direct 'manipulation'. We can guide your subconscious to conceive a dream based on your preferences, but to do more than that is impossible."

She poured tea for herself and took a sip. "As for why your request for a hardcore scenario was nullified, I imagine that this must also be the work of your subconscious."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Why, it's simple. There's no way that your subconscious will allow you to see, even if it is in the confines of a dream, your beloved hurt in any way, am I right?"

There was a pause.

She sipped on her tea again.

"There must be some kind of mistake here," I said.

"It really seems quite obvious to me that Kazuma-sama truly cares for this girl…in fact, a succubus as myself can sense these things."

She grinned.

"Isn't Kazuma-sama in love?"

 **Chapter END**

 **Next Chapter: 16.5 & Extras**


	17. Chapter 16 part 2

**Chapter 16.5: A Glopping Noise for this Blue-Balling Loli! & Extras**

 **Part 1**

"Isn't Kazuma-sama in love?"

The receptionist succubus said this, while grinning.

She proceeded to drink her tea.

Hm?

Wait a second?

Satou Kazuma, as in me?

In love?

With Megumin?

Huh…

Well.

Hm.

Right.

Interesting.

The freakiest part about all this was that I didn't really find any problems with it.

It was more a feeling of 'I see!', rather than any form of distress.

For the longest time now, there was a certain mood developing between Megumin and me.

And we had already affirmed with one another the existence of this 'certain mood'.

Rather, when I thought back to it, when I was starting to feel that my next purpose in life was to pass on my genes, to begin 'babymaking', who was the person I immediately considered as my potential mate?

I even went so far as to outright ask Megumin, 'hey, wanna make babies with me?'

Sure, I said it as if I was joking, or fooling around, like usual.

But…

Gah!

What the hell is happening to me, really?!

Damnit!

Trying to explain things away, trying to decipher the 'whys' and 'hows' of how such feelings develop...these are the traits that classify a virgin.

Rather, it was because I had these traits that I was still a virgin!

I am Satou Kazuma. One who still wields his V-card. The number one Hiki-NEET in Axel.

S-Something like that.

"In any case, some form of compensation is in order. Hm...as a special service...how does Kazuma-sama feel about receiving assistance from us succubi in your romantic endeavours?"

As I was deep in thought, the receptionist succubus made this proposition.

Immediately, the words 'special service' took my notice.

"...Kazuma-sama, I can sense your lust. It is practically pouring out of you. Um, despite what it may seem like, I am a professional above all. I will not fraternize with customers. Please keep that in mind."

This succubus who had just been speaking in a suggestive and husky voice switched to an all-business monotone.

"I wasn't really thinking about anything weird!" I said. "Rather, if a succubus says something like 'special service' while speaking in such a sexy tone of voice, what else am I supposed to assume?"

"K-Kazuma-sama is speaking so passionately. Even though I feel I did nothing wrong, some part of me is compelled to submit?"

Astounded by my firm approach, this confident succubus began to waver.

She then said,

"I merely meant to offer my assistance to Kazuma-sama. In fact, I have a plan, something that will help Kazuma-sama in regards to his... _beloved_ …"

She kept her mouth sealed tight, but I was sure that I heard something.

Something like a 'kyaaa~'.

I noticed also that the succubus would begin to look and sound like a maiden whenever she said the word 'beloved'.

"It wouldn't hurt to listen, Kazuma-sama. Here is my plan…"

The plan involved having a succubus 'invade' the mansion and have her 'bewitch' me in front of Megumin.

And then, in my 'bewitched' state, I was free to do and say whatever I wanted to Megumin with no fear for the consequences.

After all, I was under the control of an evil succubus.

It was like the situation with Darkness, almost.

"Well, how does Kazuma-sama like my plan?"

The receptionist succubus smiled at me.

I smiled back.

"Rejected."

"Eh?! I-I thought that it was a solid plan! I thought for sure that the unscrupulous Kazuma-sama would approve without any hesitation!"

"Don't look so dismayed! Sure, that plan checks out in terms of logistics, but what about me, huh?! You think I'm just going to go along with that so I can get laid, or something?! Get real! I'm a human being, too! Despite that awful moniker involving the word 'scum' that my reputation is attached to, I'm really just a poor, innocent cherry boy at heart! And don't think that I didn't hear that 'kyaaa~' earlier! Even though you're a succubus, I guess you have fantasies about romance, too, huh? Well, I'll have you know that I'm not just some puppet you can vicariously push your fantasies onto, you know?! I can't just do whatever so you can satisfy your curiosity, you know?!"

That's right.

I knew what this succubus was.

Her likes could be found in the forums and image boards I frequented back in Japan.

This succubus was a shipper.

"W-Who said anything about me being curious about Kazuma-sama's love life?! This is just a service, a 'special service'! This is Kazuma-sama's compensation for the failed dream!"

She said such things with confidence even though she was going 'kyaaa~' earlier.

"There you go with 'special service' again! Damn it! For a while now, I've been thinking. Rather than operating only in 'dream' services, why don't the succubi serve me in 'reality', too…"

"And you wonder why you're called with that certain name in this town?! I know that Kazuma-sama is just repeatedly attempting to assert his masculinity and libidinous persona in an attempt to push away his feelings for…hehe...his _beloved_...kyaaaa~! Ah..."

She covered her mouth as the 'kyaaa~' involuntarily came out.

"Please ignore that," she said.

As if I could!

I stood from my chair and slowly extended my hand toward this succubus.

She reacted by looking at my hand nervously as she started to lean away.

"I've had enough with your shipping theories! Take this! 'Drain Touch'!"

"Gyaa?! Why?! Why is Kazuma-sama assaulting me?!"

She begun to slump as I grabbed her wrists and sucked away her life-energy.

Her butt crashed against the desk as her body began to grow limp.

As I restrained her, I said this,

"I'm not pushing any feeling away or anything, OK?!"

"Kazuma-sama…guh! I regret to inform you that…there's no market for male tsundere…"

"I am not at all attempting to appeal to some obscure market. Really, you've insulted me too many times now already!"

I said this as I kept sucking out more life-energy from this succubus.

Even though I've already somewhat come to an internal resolution in regards to Megumin, it was quite another matter to have someone else keep pointing out your vulnerabilities and insecurities.

And thus, somewhat irrationally, I retaliated like so.

"Wait! If Kazuma-sama has the life-energy of a succubus inside of him…"

As the succubus said this, I began to feel strange.

My body felt...light?

"...Succubi are creatures of lust, so...well…"

Oh.

Shit.

There was a tingly, warm sensation that rushed throughout my body in waves.

And then, down there.

My troubled 'son' that was already beleaguered by the blue-balling of Megumin, expressed its distress by poking out of its confines, as if begging its master for release.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, just at the same time as my 'son' started 'crying' too, it's 'tears' now staining my pants.

 **Part 2**

"Kazuma? What are you doing back so late? And why do you look like you've lost weight?!"

Darkness cried in concern as she examined my exhausted body.

"..."

I had to exhaust all of the excess lust that I absorbed from the succubus.

I used 'Drain Touch' to return the vitality I stole, but the lust component managed to stick in my system.

So, I needed to 'release' it.

I've been receiving wet dreams from the succubi non-stop for the entire day.

While in a comatose state, my 'son' continued working hard.

However, despite all the countermeasures, my body wasn't completely sated.

I was taking a big risk coming home.

Coming home with nothing but ecchi things occupying my thoughts.

Those girls were in a lot of danger while I was in this state.

"Ah? Kazuma? Wait, bleh! You stink! You stink like that masked guy who runs a store with that even stinkier lich!"

I didn't know if she was referring to the stench of the succubus's life-energy still running in my veins, or the lingering essence of my 'son's' 'juice' that stuck to my body even after numerous baths.

"Kazuma's cheek bones actually look like they've shrunken! For dinner, I prepared some meat. Come here, Kazuma. We need to get some nourishment in your body!"

Darkness pulled me along to the dining room.

With her strength and my weakened state, I could hardly resist.

I licked my chapped lips. I was more dehydrated than hungry, actually.

My 'son' worked hard, after all.

"Ah, Kazuma, you're finally back."

Megumin said this from the living room.

She was reading a book and wearing a casual black dress.

My eyes immediately targeted her exposed legs.

"Well, yeah. I'm back."

"Hm? Kazuma, is there something wrong…? Wait, doesn't Kazuma look like he's slowly dying?!"

Noticing my feeble state as well, Megumin stood from her seat and came over to fuss over me along with Darkness.

"First of all, we should get him some food…"

I was led to the dining room.

The dining room smelled like the meat Darkness advertised. The type of meat and how it was cooked was hard to pinpoint by smell alone. Darkness's food usually lacked any distinguishable flavor, not that her cooking was bad, the taste was just largely forgettable.

"Here, Kazuma, eat."

"Ah, make sure to eat some of the veggies, too. Here's some rice."

"Does Kazuma want some soy-sauce? Ah, sorry, the lid came off."

As Darkness and Megumin tried their best to nurse me back to health, Aqua kept countering their efforts with her clumsiness and general lack of awareness.

"Aqua, why don't you go to the living room and read something? You didn't get a chance to read today's paper yet, right? If you go to the comics section, there is quite an amazing new development in the 'Jack Frost' comic-strip series."

Megumin said this to Aqua in an attempt to politely tell her to buzz-off.

But, as usual, Aqua couldn't read the mood at all.

"Hm, if Kazuma is sick or hurting then I can heal him? 'Heal'!"

"No, wait…ugooooohhhhhh~! It hurts...stop, it hurts!"

"Eh? Healing magic should work well on those on the side of good! If performed on someone who is evil, the healing magic will do damage instead…"

Darkness said this while suspiciously looking at me.

"Yes! I've been smelling this stench from kazuma for a while now, it's the stench of a devil!"

Aqua also started to scrutinize me.

"Jiiiiiiiiiii…" x 2.

These two circled me like sharks about to pounce on their prey.

Until they were hit on the head by Megumin.

"Geez, you two. Knock it off already."

"S-Sorry." x 2.

Those two were disciplined by a girl shorter and younger than them.

Megumin turned to me and smiled.

"For now, Kazuma, just eat up and regain your vitality."

"Y-Yes."

Darkness looked at my face and gasped.

"N-Now his face has turned incredibly red?! A fever, he has a fever!"

"I'll cast healing magic, now!"

"Ugooooohhhhh~!"

"I told you two to stop!"

I was tortured in this way for the rest of the night.

 **Part 3**

"Tch! As if that clueless Aqua wasn't enough, that fake noble who only pretends to be smart just had to keep butting in, too…"

I laid on my bed as I cursed out those two who only made my condition worse with their 'assistance'.

I was already wearing my sleep-wear, skipping out on my routine bathing even though my body was coated in sweat, only because I wanted to sleep and forget about all the unpleasant things that occurred that day.

The over-eager, shipper succubus who kept throwing out terms like 'love' around.

My torture in the hands of Darkness and Aqua.

This was the worst day of my life!

"Where's Chomusuke. I need her to heal my soul."

The Chomusuke who's soft and furry body I often took comfort in.

"Well, I have Chomusuke here, if you want her that much."

"!"

Megumin's voice interrupted my thoughts.

She peered through the half-way open door, grinning as she did so.

In her hands, she held up Chomusuke.

Ah, that's right.

It was time for our nightly routine.

"No, thank you."

"Eh?"

After I said such dismissive words while forming my arms in an 'X', Megumin's grin turned into a startled gaping of the mouth.

"I'm already all out of sorts. I don't need this temptress to come in here and give me all sorts of hopes, only to leave me hanging at the last second."

"Is that...is that really what you think of me?! This routine of ours, is that really what Kazuma thinks about it?!"

This girl really didn't know?!"

"What? I thought that Megumin would often come to my room this late at night just to assert your control over me? Something like 'oi, there may be a good mood around us recently, but you better not get any strange ideas!'"

"That's too cruel?! If Kazuma actually thinks that I'm capable of such things, I'll actually cry?!"

True enough, moisture started to gather around her eyes.

"Oi, wait, some of that was just an exaggeration on that part. I don't know what to do when a girl cries, so please don't."

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her pajama sleeves.

"In any case, even if it was an exaggeration, some part of Kazuma must have felt that way. Please understand that I was just trying to deepen our relationship in the best way I knew how. I wasn't trying to lead you on, or anything."

"Ah, that's right. There's no way that the innocent loli shojo Megumin would know that the best way to deepen a relationship is through all sorts of mature activities…"

"In terms of mature activities…Kazuma was also talking about it the other day…about making babies and all that."

Suddenly, what I thought had just been a bit of banter turned into a topic like this.

She was still hiding behind the door. In Megumin's hands, peering up at her master, was Chomusuke who was tilting her head in confusion.

Yes, Chomusuke, I was also confused.

For the Megumin who had just admitted to not know anything about the blue-balling torment she ran me through for the last several weeks, to just so bluntly bring up 'babymaking', such a development was not only unexpected, it was borderline absurd.

"Ah, no wait, this is where the punchline comes in, doesn't it? OK. Bring it on. I'll perform my straight-man role properly."

I smiled wryly as I recognized the clichéd development before it occurred.

"…Kazuma…although I may not know much about it, but based on what you said, the way you've been acting as of late, and how you came home looking like a sub-type of the undead…Kazuma is, well, 'backed up', right?"

Megumin was mumbling and the projection of her voice bounced off the wooden door.

But I still heard it all with perfect clarity.

Yes, obviously, I was backed up.

From the blue-balling, from my confused emotions, and from the shock the succubus had given me with that careless revelation.

And to add to all that was the succubus life-energy still whirling inside my body.

"Ah, Kazuma doesn't need to say anything more. I can see it on your face."

To have this little girl have such a perfect read on my mental and emotional state…

How embarrassing.

Megumin opened the door fully now and she stepped into the room.

Megumin slowly walked into the room and the moonlight from outside shone on her and seemed to isolate her tiny body in the darkness of the room.

"…Kazuma, let me affirm this with you again. There is 'something' going on between us, this much is clear, right?"

"Yeah…"

The 'something' that referred to the good mood accumulating between us.

It would be reckless to attach romance into this 'something' right away.

At least, that was what we concluded.

But, all the more…

Even if the succubus didn't say it, this had always been on my mind.

Even so, I still didn't really want to admit it to myself!

Whether if it was from my 'virgin' status, or my inexperience, or maybe I really was just born to be neurotic when it comes to these kinds of things, I didn't want to directly admit to anything of what the succubus asserted, even if I would be doing so in the privacy of my own thoughts.

But, I was still aware of it, and that was enough to actually make a difference.

Megumin hugged Chomusuke tighter to her chest.

And then she said,

"We concluded that it would be best to take it slow, and I'm not asking Kazuma to say anything definitive, but…I'd like to know if maybe you want more of this 'something', even if it's only a little bit more of what we presently have."

Really, what a thing to ask for.

She was basically asking me to confess, wasn't she?

However, I suppose it had always been traditionally the man's responsibility to confess.

Even if I was an advocate for gender equality, I had to admit that it was somewhat uncool to make a younger girl take the initiative.

In fact, hadn't it been Megumin who had been taking the lead so far?

I blamed her for that month of silence between us, when she kept delaying that 'talk'.

But really, if I wanted something to progress, I could have just taken initiative and forced Megumin to talk to me.

Ah.

Really.

When it comes down to it, I was just a coward, wasn't I?

In the face of this Megumin whose eyes were glowing so hard that it hurt to look at them.

Who was gripping Chomusuke so tight with her increased strength stats that the cat began to pale in the face even though its fur was a deep black.

To this Megumin who's done so much already, trying her best to progress our relationship with that ill-conceived, but well-intentioned nightly-routine.

To this Megumin, I resolved to say this,

"Megumin asked if I wanted more, right?"

She slowly nodded, completely averting my gaze as her eyes burned crimson.

"…If I were to say 'yes', would I get to do all sorts of ecchi things with Megumin?"

"…"

The light in Megumin's eyes diminished in intensity.

No.

Rather, it completely died.

"Eh? Did Kazuma really just say that? Really?! In a time like this, you really just said that?!"

The intense moment was broken.

Megumin looked at me as if I were a piece of trash.

Not backing down, I resolved to state my case!

I took a deep breath.

And then I said the following,

"I just need to make sure, OK? What if I end up embarrassing myself here by saying all sorts of things and it just turns out that nothing at all will change between us? Wouldn't that be a waste of effort on my part? Say, for example, that I were to progress to the point where I'm dating Megumin, hypothetically. What sorts of things could I do to my hypothetical girlfriend, Megumin? Would I be able to kiss her small and soft looking lips? Would I get to touch her still budding but perky chest? Would I get to bury my nose in her dark hair and sniff her essence while I fondle her body? And of course, going back to the topic you brought up earlier…baby-making. Although, I must admit that this came from me initially, so it may sound weird if I'm trying to avoid responsibility, but please hear me out. For the first couple years or so in my hypothetical relationship with my hypothetical girlfriend Megumin, until Megumin grows up a little, I am content with simply making love and 'releasing' myself outside. After all, even though we are financially stable, well, more than just 'stable', I would like to enjoy a couple years of juvenile love-making without having to worry about the 'package' awaiting for me in 9 months. Ah, but don't worry. I consider myself as a guy who will spend his life with one girl. I am not the type who wants to build a harem. I won't just have fun for those two years and break things off. Let's say, when Megumin is 16? Yes, 16, that would be a good time to worry, I mean, marry, don't you think? And if we marry in the middle of the year…Megumin will be 16.5? That's also around the time when girls stop growing. So, if Megumin doesn't grow any more than she already has by the time she is 16.5, if she is indeed a perpetual loli, then no one can accuse me of being a lolicon. It can't be helped, after all. It's just genetics."

After I finished talking, I looked at Megumin, who had remained standing there during my speech.

"Well, do you understand?"

I asked this of her.

"…Yes, I understand."

"Oh? You do? Well, what a relief! Megumin is still looking at me as if I'm trash so I thought that I screwed up somewhere…"

"What I understand is that Kazuma really is backed up! Goodness! What was that?! Where did that come from?! Although I'm not going to pretend to have a deep understanding of the male anatomy and its biological workings, that's really too much, isn't it?! What happened to the Kazuma who is normally rational?!"

Megumin said this as she dropped Chomusuke, finally, who began to heave after being released from her master's tight grip.

"Oi. I feel like I went above and beyond the call of duty there. You were probably just expecting me to give you some vague and roundabout answer, right? Well, there you go. I told you the truth. If you want a clichéd response after asking me 'do you want more?', well, I'm not going to give it to you. I've actually done a bit of soul searching myself recently and this is what I came up with. We've defeated the devil king, we've attained unimaginable riches, and unless you want to spend the next couple of years idling about, I suggest we have a head start on our life, now, if you're actually committed in this 'something'."

I looked at the Megumin whose eyes began to illuminate once more.

She looked for Chomuske, but the cat had already scurried off.

Instead, she fidgeted her hands as she stood there, bathed in moonlight.

"I don't think Kazuma really means all of this? Well, I think you do, at this moment, but you might waver in the future. That's really the kind of man you are. But…somehow I can't really hate that part of you. Hah…don't tell me that I'm slowly becoming a girl like Darkness?"

Saying such things, she showed an uneasy smile.

"The truth is…Kazuma is really backed up, right? That's why you're saying all these ridiculous things?"

"…"

Was that it, I wonder?

No, I honestly felt that a bit of what I really felt slipped out while I was ranting earlier.

Even now, I didn't think 'ah, I shouldn't have said that!'

Instead, I felt relieved after letting it all out.

But, for Megumin's benefit…

This was all probably moving too fast for her.

And so, with her peace of mind in consideration, I said,

"Well, yes. I suppose I'm acting somewhat out of my mind…since I'm so backed up."

Hah.

Even though I said things like 'this is for Megumin's sake', I was really just avoiding the issue again, wasn't I?

Looking at Megumin, I expected her to call me a 'pervert' and a 'horn-dog' and such.

"Then…if Kazuma is backed-up…maybe I can take care of it?"

Eh?

 **Part 4**

H-How did it come to this?

"Kazuma…um…I'm taking my clothes off now, so don't look…"

"…Sure."

I turned around as Megumin started taking her clothes off.

I could hear the clothes slipping off her body, as she dropped the garments on the floor.

Really?

Really?

Really, really, really?

Was this really happening?

"Say…this isn't a succubus dream, is it?"

"Are you calling me a 'succubus' and 'temptress' again?! I'm already willing to do this much for Kazuma, so stop calling me those things!"

Megumin shouted this from behind me.

"And Kazuma…you should take your clothes off as well…"

"Ah…right…"

I began to take my top off.

"…"

When I got it off, I felt as if I was being watched.

"Um…don't tell me that Megumin is being a hypocrite and is checking out my body?"

"A-As your personal trainer, I felt that it was my responsibility to check out your progress and…um…Kazuma is looking pretty good…"

I gulped.

The way she said that last part…

I felt a bit of lust in it.

I subconsciously ran my hands along my arms.

Thanks to the 'Zenk*I Boost' training, I've become a bit ripped lately.

"Kazuma, you can turn around, now."

Even though I was going to see her pretty much naked, she didn't want me to watch the strip show.

Even when that was the best part!

But despite my complaints, I couldn't help but gawk at Megumin's body, at her exposed skin and the flush of red that suffused throughout it as she embarrassedly gazed away.

"Megumin, I can't see everything. Move your hands so I can see the…"

"This is enough! This is more than enough service! Let's just hurry up and get this over with, OK?"

"Normally, girls would want to take their time in these things…but if that's what you prefer…"

Still covering herself up, she took a seat.

I took a seat behind her.

"Well…sorry, I don't really know what to do," I said.

I've done this by myself, but of course, I wouldn't know what to do when it was another person's body I was dealing with.

"I'll leave that up to you."

She said this while hugging herself tightly, seeming to shrink in on herself.

I began to touch her naked back.

"Nn!"

"Sorry, did that startle you?"

"This is really embarrassing! Why am I doing this?! Maybe we should stop!"

"No way?! You're blue-balling me after we've come this far?! You really are a temptress! You succubus!"

I hurled such insults as Megumin began to stand.

"Why, you…gah! Even though I know that you're just trying to provoke my competitive spirit, I can't help but fall for it! Why am I so easy?!"

She sat down again, covering her face this time.

"Just stay there. I'll start over again."

Resuming from where I left off…

"Hahn…"

"Um…does it feel good?"

"Is it supposed to feel good? I don't know…"

"Well, it shouldn't feel bad."

"Then I guess it feels good…"

Encouraged now, I resumed with my work.

"Uwaa~ a girl's skin feels so soft…"

"I can do without the commentary. In fact, please just shut up."

"Now it's time for the front," I said.

"Really, just shut up!"

It was my turn next.

"…I'll touch Kazuma now."

"Yes, I'll be in your care."

Looking down at me, Megumin gulped.

She reached out with her hands and started rubbing me down there.

"It's hard…"

"Well, it's expected."

She gulped. "Somehow, I like the way it feels against my hand."

"You may do as you please. I'll work on Megumin, too. Ah, but to do this, we need to get you wet."

"T-That's not a problem. I'm already wet…"

I touched her and indeed it did feel wet.

"Does this feel good, Megumin?"

I asked this as I started to work on her.

"Stop asking if it feels good! Nn! Actually, it does feel a bit good…better than when I do it myself."

"That's obvious. Having someone do it for you should indeed feel better than when you do it yourself. You can rely on me anytime you want to do this."

"Don't get ahead of yourself…ahn!"

I was gentle with my administrations at first but I naturally began to dig deeper, really getting in there.

"That…feels good, Kazuma. I might get addicted to this…"

"Megumin, it's about time to finish…"

"OK…I'm ready…Kazuma, pour it all over me…"

I nodded as I unleashed my load.

Grunting in exertion, I poured it all over Megumin.

"Close your eyes, Megumin, here it comes!"

"Mmnn~!"

Megumin shut her eyes as the hot liquid poured down her head and dripped down her body.

"Ahn!"

Two buckets worth of water made a glopping noise as it poured endlessly down Megumin's head.

I rinsed out the thick shampoo, her hair making squelching sounds as I worked my hands in there and squeezed the moisture out.

"That feels refreshing. It really does feel better having another person wash your hair," Megumin said. "I'll finish Kazuma's front now. Your workout routine really is working well, Kazuma. Your abs feel very hard to the touch."

"Well, thank you for taking the time to oversee my training," I said.

"I'm just repaying you for all those times you accompanied me in my explosion routine."

She rinsed my front, taking a sponge and dripping hot water down from my chest to my abdomen, which she had been rubbing at with a cloth earlier.

"Let's get in the bath, now," she said.

I followed her into the bath, sighing as I let the bath water calm my body.

I was taking a bath with Megumin.

The second time I've taken a bath with her like this.

This was Megumin's idea of taking care of my blue-balls.

She said that she didn't mind showing a bit of skin if it would satisfy my accumulated lust.

'I'll even allow Kazuma to wash me…'

She said such things.

And now I was watching her as she submerged herself in the bath, sighing happily.

"This is as far as I'm willing to go, in terms of mature activities, but I hope that Kazuma gained some satisfaction tonight."

"Y-Yeah…"

She gave me a smile that was completely free of deceit or ulterior intent.

"…"

Well, I had a feeling that I should be disappointed.

No, I feel like I should complain to someone.

This is really disappointing.

Really.

I wanted more than this.

Still, I couldn't help but feel thankful that, at least, she made an effort to please me.

Even if this is a complete waste of time.

Even if I feel like I r _eally_ wanted to complain to somebody.

I should be just satisfied with this for now.

Yes.

Let me reiterate this again.

Even if this is a complete waste of my time.

Even if I wanted and anticipated more than this.

Even if I feel like I've been cheated and mislead.

I should just be thankful for what I have right now.

So far, the relationship I had with Megumin was in a good state.

And in these past five months or so since I defeated the Devil King and had my daily life compromised, I've been on many perilous, yet exhilarating adventures.

Every chapter in this new tale of mine has been pretty enjoyable so far!

So, when I consider all this, even if I'm pissed off, even if my ships aren't exactly sailing at full speed, so to speak, I should just be happy that things are progressing at all.

Really, I should thank god, or Lord, or whoever else is responsible for orchestrating these events, for everything that I have at this moment, even if I'm not completely satisfied with the way things are going.

I really shouldn't complain!

Even if I find this development pretty boring, and I feel like I want to pick a bone with somebody.

"…"

After we got out of the bath, I put my clothes back on and escaped through the window. I used a combination of 'Feather Fall' and 'Wind Breath' to float my way up to my room, while Megumin came out normally through the door. We did this to avoid being seen coming out together.

Well, I didn't leave right away. I had stayed in the bath for a few more minutes after Megumin left.

I needed to take care of the 'tension', after all.

Just as I was floating away from the window, I heard a voice.

I heard Aqua humming as she entered the bathroom.

"Bathing time, bathing time, la, la, la~!"

Wait.

Did I drain the bathwater yet?

I had these thoughts as I heard the sound of Aqua entering the bathwater.

"Ah…how refreshing! Hm? What's this white stuff floating in the water? Ah, maybe this is a new bath oil that Megumin or Darkness is using? I'll use it then! Rub, rub, rub! Rub this white stuff all over my body~"

"…"

After witnessing such a thing…

...All the lust that had accumulated in my body disappeared in an instant.

Ah.

To think that it's Aqua who would cure my blue-balls.

That's the team's healer, for you.

How great.

How wonderful.

OK.

Now, please tell me where can I file a complaint?

…

…

 **Extra # 1: A Girls' Talk Between Rivals (?) in Love (?)!**

I examined these girls who I called over to my room for a 'Girls' Talk'.

Chris, Darkness…

…And I didn't really feel like it was necessary to have Aqua here, but she insisted on coming along.

"So, that's the situation. What are your thoughts?"

I said this sternly as I looked over Chris and Darkness.

"I don't get it? Megumin likes Kazuma? We're all friends here, aren't we? I like Kazuma, too!"

Aqua said this as she completely missed the point.

"Hm…well, I suppose that it's not exactly at all strange for feelings to develop in such a close-knit group with boys and girls in it. I just find it surprising because Megumin has been avoiding Kazuma recently."

Chris said this as she had a look of consideration.

"M-M-Megumin is...with Kazuma?!"

Darkness said this in disbelief and panic.

Oh?

What a suspicious reaction.

"Hm? And does Darkness have a problem with that, I wonder?"

"Eeep!"

Darkness made this frightened noise for some reason when she saw my eyes.

"As Chris said, it's normal for attraction to form in close-knit parties like this. So…it's also natural that Darkness might also develop some feelings for Kazuma, like I did."

"W-W-W-W-W-W-What could Megumin be talking about?!"

Darkness said this as her face was flushed, and her eyes dilated as it rapidly changed the course of its gaze on all dimensions of the room except my eyes.

How suspicious.

"You must realize that I'm not here to tell you to 'back off from my man', or anything like that. We're all friends here. So we need to be honest with each other…therefore…"

I took out a special item.

"!"

It was quite peculiar how Darkness stood and made to dash for the door once she saw the item.

I just happened to stick my foot out and the clumsy Darkness happened to accidentally trip over my foot as she initiated a sprinting motion.

"Oof!"

She fell hard on the floor.

She was about to stand up, however…

"Darkness blacker than black…"

I started chanting the incantation for explosion.

"Hiiiii!"

Darkness stopped mid motion when she heard me utter the first line of the incantation.

"Darkness, tell me, do you love Kazuma, or not?"

"Megumin is too scary?!"

'Scary'?

Really.

I wasn't trying to intimidate anyone.

I just wanted my question answered.

Really.

"I-I don't! I really don't! I don't love Kazuma or anything!"

I looked at the item in my hand, the magical bell that detects lies, the same item that caused Kazuma so much trouble when he was tried as a terrorist of the state.

"…"

The bell didn't ring.

Darkness sighed in relief.

"Then…it might not be emotional but…are you physically attracted to Kazuma?"

"Urk! Um…no…"

"Ding, ding!"

"Megumin?! Megumin is choking…ack!"

'Choking'?

I wasn't doing anything like that at all.

Chris came over and frantically starting talking to me.

"Megumin-san, what are you doing?! Even if it's that Darkness, Megumin-san's stats have increased drastically recently, right? L-Let her go already, she might…ack! Megumin-san is choking….ack!"

Hm?

'Choking'?

Really.

These girls are spreading all sorts of lies.

"So, Darkness…in terms of physical attraction…do you picture yourself kissing Kazuma? Hugging him? Or maybe even a bit of touching?"

"No, not at all."

Darkness surprisingly gave a direct reply.

"…"

The bell didn't ring.

"…Holding hands, going on dates? Maybe even getting more intimate and 'making love'?"

"No, I want none of that."

Another confident reply.

"…"

The bell still didn't ring.

"…Then, what does Darkness want to do with Kazuma?"

"Heh. I want Kazuma to…"

"…"

Let us omit this part.

Things like 'candle wax', 'flails', and 'ball gags' were mentioned.

So, it was like that.

Relieved that Darkness's 'attraction' towards Kazuma was merely rooted in her usual distortions, I turned to the other potential problem.

"And so…Chris, it's your turn."

"S-Senpai! Help meeee!"

Chris turned to Aqua.

"ZzZZzzZZZzzzzZZZ."

"Really! Why is senpai always asleep when I need her?!"

 **Extra #2: The Inevitable Clash Between this Goddess and Devil!**

I had successfully infiltrated Alderp's villa in the capital.

It was likely that Alderp possessed a powerful artifact that could spawn monsters.

A dangerous item like that had no business being in the hands of such a corrupt and power hungry individual.

I used 'Lurk' and inspected the halls of the villa.

I didn't find anything so far, but that Alderp is a sneaky individual, such difficulties were within my calculations.

Eventually, after an hour of scouring around finding nothing, I found a hidden mechanism that led to a basement area.

Well, instead of finding it, it would be more accurate to say that I 'stumbled' upon it.

"Ouch!"

I cried out in pain as I tripped and fell down into a hidden area as the mechanism activated.

T-This is just the work of my high-luck stat.

It doesn't mean that I'm clumsy, not at all.

"Guh! What the hell?!"

Across from me, also in pain, was the noble known as Alderp.

Most likely, he had just been about to leave from this hidden room, and that was when the trap door opened and I fell in, and ended up falling on Alderp.

"Who are…?! Wait, you're that 'Chivalrous Thief' bastard who is attracting the gaze of all the females in the capital, aren't you?! Damn you! I can never forgive someone like you!"

"…"

Out of all the things he chose to criticize, he picked that part out.

This Alderp reminded me of a certain someone I knew.

He regarded me warily and looked around, likely looking for an improvised weapon, not an escape route, as I was almost certainly blocking the only way out.

If there was another separate escape route, this cowardly, self-preservation type would have made a dash for it immediately.

"Damn it! There's no choice! Maxwell! You've been pretty useless so far, but now is the time to prove your worth! Go and kill this bastard thief!"

"Kekeke…Alderp is willing to sell his soul to me…if I answer his wish…?"

"Yeah, whatever! I'll sell you my soul or whatever, just take care of this bastard!"

There was an eerie voice that cackled in the darkness.

I used 'Foresight' and used the night vision to identify the source of the voice.

"!"

T-That is!

Tied up against the wall, a hideous creature…

With all that talk about selling souls…

And it's appearance…

There was no doubt.

It was a devil.

A rush of rage flowed through me.

As a goddess, I couldn't forgive the blasphemous existence of devils!

I drew my magic dagger.

Alderp flinched when he saw me draw a weapon.

"Eek! Maxwell, hurry up! Do your thing, now!"

"Kukukuku! Then Maxwell will happily fulfill Alderp's wish!"

"Ahhhhh! Nooooo! It hurts…this…hurts! Please stop! This hurts! Ah, sorry, did you think that this thief was suffering from the powers of Maxwell? Alas, it was not the thief screaming in agony but it was moi, Vanir!"

Another weird one appeared!

Coming out of nowhere, I didn't even sense him with any of my skills, he walked out from wherever he came from and stood in front of me.

The top half of his face was hidden by a mask, white on one side, and black on the other.

It reminded me of Assistant-kun's, but his mask was all black.

"Another one?! Maxwell, deal with him, now!"

"…Vanir?"

Despite Alderps demands, this 'Maxwel' devil did not respond.

"Yes, it is moi, a fellow Arch-Duke of hell, Vanir. Hm, it seems that thou has been caught in quite the predicament, Maxwell. Ah, but worry not. Moi has come to deal with this unpleasant matter."

This 'Vanir' turned to me.

"Now, Mr. Thief, please scurry along. Moi will deal with the rest."

Wait.

This guy just called himself the 'Arch-Duke of hell'…

"Oh? This thief is looking at moi as if moi is the enemy? Ah, I realize that moi's presence is indeed quite suspicious, however…hm?!"

Just an inch.

What insane reflexes this guy had.

Just an inch and I would have torn that mask of his apart.

"…Aiming for the mask right away. It seems that you know my weakness. Who are you?"

He looked into my eyes, as if he was trying to peer into my soul.

"…Nothing. I can't see anything about your thoughts and future. Then that must mean that you're…"

The smile disappeared from his face.

We stared at each other.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Alderp attempting to sneak away.

"Bind."

"Ah?!"

I threw a rope at him, which wrapped around his body from his chest to his ankles.

I turned my attention back to this masked devil.

"Hm…moi does not know which goddess you are…but, there is also another goddess who's been giving moi some troubles recently. Ah, moi doesn't normally do this, you see, but moi might just try a bit, just to take out some of moi's accumulated stress on thee..."

"…"

Not responding, I twirled the dagger in a reverse grip, and lowered myself into a dynamic stance.

"Ah, thou art not a fan of pre-combat banter? Then, although this is not moi's usual methods, moi will start…"

"Flash Step."

An invisible force pooled around my feet and I used it as a platform to launch myself.

The space between this devil and I seemed to have been deleted from the dimensions of this room, as I flickered from one position to another in incomprehensible speeds.

I was suddenly behind the masked devil, in position for a back attack.

'Flash Step' was a skill belonging in the 'Assassin' class.

While my primary class is 'Thief', I also took some levels in the attack based branch-off class derived from 'Thief', the 'Assassin' class.

'Flash Step' was the signature skill of the 'Assassin' class, and the most advanced of all the mobility based skills/spells.

Now, with perfect back attack position, I used the primary offensive skill of thieves.

"Sneak Attack!"

Aiming the dagger at this Devil's back!

Only for his body to dissolve into dirt.

"Huh?!"

I fell forward, falling on this pool of filth.

I looked behind me and watched as the mask was falling to the ground, only for a mound of dirt to erupt from it, and the dirt began piling up and started taking a humanoid shape.

In a matter of seconds, the devil had once again taken form.

"Thou is at a high enough level to multi-class, huh? I really mustn't take thou lightly…"

"Damn you!"

'Flash Step' took a lot of mana, unless you were a master at it.

The most powerful assassins could use 'Flash Step' consecutively, becoming a constant blur while launching powerful attacks and distributing constant 'Critical Hits' while moving at a speed too fast for the human eye to track.

But, I was still a novice at this skill I've attained only recently.

And I built up a lot of my mana also in that 'Sneak Attack', more than I usually would use in that attack, thinking that I would end this devil in that one sequence.

What a rookie mistake!

But, I couldn't just stand around, even if I was at a disadvantage now.

The 'Thief' class wasn't built to be on the defensive.

If a thief loses their advantage in initiative and stealth, they must resort to overwhelming their opponent with a tricky and unpredictable flurry of attacks.

And that's what I did.

I started off with a quick step, a burst of speed that dissolved in its linear rush into a series of bewildering and technically intricate footwork as I arrived just outside the devil's reach.

Zig-zagging around this devil, as I danced around, waiting for an opening.

After a feint to the right, I swirled to the opposite flank of the devil and initiated a lunging stab!

"!"

The masked devil attempted to dodge my lunge to his mask, but he couldn't do it completely.

I nicked the side of his mask, sending crumbs of the material falling down onto his shoulder.

I quickly retrieved my knife arm and quickly leapt back, engaging in my dance-like footwork once more.

"Hm…it seems that moi has gotten reliant on moi's scrying powers during combat. A speedy Thief whose mind I can't read…and you've yet to reveal your goddess form and true abilities yet…moi might actually be at a disadvantage here. Moi might need to take thee more seriously!"

He lifted his hand.

Red energy started pooling around his palm!

"Not so fast! 'Bind!'"

I used even more of my mana this time, leaving only enough for one more skill.

"Tch!"

He managed to weave out with impossible fluidity as his body twisted out of the way.

However, his arm that had been generating that power was now tied to his torso.

Using this distraction as my opening, I used the last of my mana…

"Flash Step!"

In a flicker of speed, I penetrated his guard just inches away from him, close enough to feel his breath on my face. And I held my knife in a reverse grip, poised for a backhand slash at his mask!

I made a motion to swipe…!

He moved to dodge the attack, snatching his head backwards at such a speed that would have snapped a human neck in half.

However…

I stopped my hand mid-swipe.

I lowered myself, and extended my leg out for a sweeping kick!

Sweeping his legs from under him, I made this masked devil slip and fall to the ground.

Without giving him a chance to move or make another wisecrack, for that matter, I descended upon him, straddling his legs.

His free, unbounded hand reached out to try and swat my dagger hand away, but I pinned his attempts down with my free arm.

"Hah…Hah…hah…!"

Due to my high-speed movement, I didn't notice that my mask had fallen off until I saw it covering the white side of the devil's mask, and now his mask really did resemble assistant-kun's all black one, with how my black face mask obscured the white side.

The devil was looking up at me through one eye hole as I panted and looked down at him.

Straddling him…

"…"

This position…was…

"Is moi about to be raped now? I must warn you that devils have no gender to speak of…"

"That's not it?! This isn't the kind of situation where two enemies find love after engaging in a fit of passion and hatred, OK?!"

To shut this infuriating devil up permanently, I started to bring the knife down!

"Wait a moment! Moi has finally recognized thou! Isn't thou the one known in the town of axel as 'The First Victim'? Ah, yes, thou are the one who was the first to be sexually harassed by that lad…"

"H-How did you know about that?!"

I exclaimed this as I couldn't help but stop my attack.

"Ah, and to think that thou almost had a chance to take a life from moi! I commend thee! But moi has no intention to lose another life so quickly after the last time…so, moi will have to say farewell for now."

He dissolved into dirt again.

I stabbed down for the mask, but it was already carried away by the dirt.

Before the body could form, I decided to attack the mask.

However…

Without even attempting to take a human form, a tendril of dirt lashed out towards me.

I only saw enough of it to determine the method of attack.

And then…

"Smack!"

I heard a loud noise and then I lost consciousness.

…

…

I woke up in a random inn, in a random room, wearing random clothes that were not a part of my wardrobe at all.

When I asked the inn staff about how I got there, they just blushed and said that an 'incredibly sexy masked man' came in while bringing me in a princess carry, and booked a room 'for two'.

The same room 'for two' I eventually woke up in.

"Fufu. You sure are lucky to have such a dashing man, young lady. Ah, don't worry about making a mess with him. We don't mind cleaning it up~ Fufu!"

Damn him…

Damn that devil!

…After that incident, no matter where I looked, I couldn't find Alderp, or that artifact.

And that Maxwell, too, was nowhere to be found.

Same thing goes, of course, for that Vanir.

Damn.

The capital didn't make much of a fuss about Alderp's disappearance.

They assumed that he ran off to some foreign country, afraid that the king, who was now diligently surveying the nobles for any sign of corruption, would dig up enough evidence to incriminate him for his shady dealings in the past.

The masked devil, Vanir, most likely dealt with Alderp, Maxwell, and the artifact.

That artifact that can summon monsters had fallen in the hands of a devil…

In some ways, I'd rather have someone like Alderp take possession of it.

I couldn't help but think about that masked devil, Vanir.

He mentioned my nickname and reputation in Axel, so I assumed that he must either be stationed there, or that he had eyes and ears everywhere.

He did mention something about 'scrying', after all.

Nonetheless, I didn't make any urgent plans to return to Axel.

If that devil had plans to use the artifact soon, the capital would be an obvious choice for a target.

And so I kept watch over the capital.

Acting all at once as the 'Chivalrous Thief' it loathed…

…and the goddess of fortune it revered.

 **…**

 **…**

 **Chapter 16.5 END**

 **Next Chapter: An Invitation to Join this League of Justice!**


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: An Invitation to Join this League of Justice!**

 **Part 1**

It was a beautiful day.

"Explosion!"

And then the things that made this day so beautiful, the blue skies, the gentle wind…

This...This explosion has become overpowered.

Even more so than it was before.

"Ugh…"

Megumin made this sound as she collapsed on the ground.

I watched as the fires and smoke of Megumin's absurdly powerful explosion lingered in the skies.

Left unattended to, that much smog would linger for days.

"Wind Elemental!"

Mana constructs taking on the element of wind flew up to the sky.

The wind elementals formed a perimeter around the smog and cleared it away by creating a rapid gust of wind.

As I didn't want Megumin's explosion to cause permanent air pollution, I hired some mages who specialized in conjuration magic to clean it up.

Their job was to clear away the smoke that lingered after the explosion.

"Thanks for your business, Kazuma-san."

Although, once I found out that Megumin had developed some control over the power output of her explosion, but chose not to hold back according to her 'principles as a wielder of explosion', I couldn't help but think that my efforts and consideration were going to waste.

After paying the mages their fees, I walked over to Megumin and helped her up.

"Fufu. I would have kept on unleashing my explosion no matter how dirty the air became, but as expected of Kazuma, thinking this far ahead."

"One of us has to."

Declaring such an irresponsible thing without meaning to, I hoped, Megumin had a satisfied smile as I knelt down and had her settle on my back.

"Hm…Kazuma has attained astronomical riches. Kazuma can even afford to hire mages who eliminate the environmental effects of my explosion."

As we were walking down our usual route, she said this.

"Well, yes."

Saying such obvious things, I could only respond with this basic affirmation.

"What I mean is, if Kazuma is rich now, you can just hire someone else to take care of carrying me after my explosion. That way, you wouldn't have to bother coming along and complaining all the time."

"…"

She said something quite troubling while flashing a teasing grin.

"I am not as inexperienced as you'd think, little girl. Somehow or another, I've caught your interest. There's no way that I'd introduce another man into your life. I'm not going to set myself up for NTR."

"Who...Who said anything about 'another man'? I was just teasing you, anyway, but now you're making me mad!"

It was around lunch time already.

When we exited the woods and entered the streets of Axel, Megumin and I went to the guild.

After ordering some fried frog sets, we got to eating.

I noticed that Megumin ordered a mug of beer for herself.

"Recently, Megumin has taken a liking to alcohol, huh? Alcohol consumption affects growth, don't you know? Oi, hurry up and grow already. It'll cause me all sorts of problems if you stay a loli forever."

"How exactly would it cause you any problems? And even from before, talking about how you 'caught my interest' and going on a tirade about 'another man'…well…"

She started fidgeting with her fork as she avoided my gaze.

She was acting clueless?

Even though I feel like we've already made a lot of progress?

Noticing that our relationship was reverting back to a previous stage again, I said this,

"Oi. Why does it feel as if our relationship resets back to zero after some development is achieved? This is…this is like the clichéd rom-coms I abhorred! I thought we already established something before…but now you're acting as if nothing happened?"

"Established? Isn't Kazuma getting ahead of himself?! Rather, was I supposed to take your horny talk from that night seriously? Talking about things like 'baby making' and 'marriage'… that was real?!"

"Ah…now that Megumin said it out loud, I am starting to become apprehensive about it, too. Sorry. Please forget that I said those things...'baby making' and 'marriage'. Indeed, I was just too horny to think straight."

"Now Kazuma is the one resetting things. Wait, why are you flaking on me once I mentioned marriage? Don't…Don't make it seem like this was my idea!"

In an effort to wash away her frustrations, Megumin took a long gulp of her beer.

"Seriously. Be careful not to develop any nasty habits. You've seen what that stuff does to Aqua."

"But Aqua seems happy all the time. If happiness can be easily achieved through foolish means, then isn't intelligence actually quite overrated?"

She slammed the mug of beer down on the table, making the utensils jump.

As she wiped a froth of beer from her mouth, I was thinking that this little girl, who supposedly possessed genius intellect, was usually so careless and never thinks about the consequences of her willful actions.

Yes.

I had to agree with her.

Intelligence is overrated.

 **Part 2**

I limited Megumin's alcoholic intake to two glasses of beer.

"I'm serious, we can't have you stealing traits from Aqua."

I said this as we arrived at our house's door step.

Having such a small frame that had no endurance for alcohol, Megumin was remarkably woozy after only two glasses.

"It feels like someone unleashed explosion in my head."

"Why does everything have to relate to explosion with you?"

Darkness and Aqua were lounging around in the living room.

It was a rare sight, but they were playing that board game together.

Usually, Darkness was content to watch Aqua and Megumin play.

"Kuh! My crusader piece was taken! W-W-W-What does Aqua's forces intend to do to that piece, I wonder?"

Becoming so invested in the non-existent subplot of this straightforward game without a narrative, was Darkness.

"Fufu! My genius strategy of letting the powerful Arch-Priest class take the vanguard is working perfectly! Now, 'Nature's Beauty'!"

"Gah! My other Crusader piece is dazzled by your spell! You have mesmerized her! Again I ask, w-w-w-what does Aqua's army intend to do to that piece, I wonder?! I see that Adventurer piece is eyeing my Crusader piece quite lewdly!"

Darkness appeared to be losing to Aqua.

As if anyone with half a brain cell could actually lose to Aqua.

I poured tea for Megumin who wearily sat down on the couch next to Darkness.

After giving Megumin the tea made from medicinal herbs that were supposedly good for hangovers, my attention was attracted to an envelope that was placed on the living room table.

"Ah, that letter is addressed to Kazuma. I did not check the contents in fear of what kind of lewd and depraved thing I might find inside."

Noticing my gaze on the letter, Darkness said this.

It was difficult to retaliate against Darkness' disrespectful behavior, as she considered any normal method of punishment as a reward. What can I do to discipline someone with such a twisted personality?

Ignoring her for now, I checked the envelope, using 'Detect Trap' and 'Detect Magic' to check for traps. When I found none, I took the dagger that I hid in my clothes and ripped the top off.

The contents read as such:

 _Dear Satou Kazuma-sama and his party,_

 _Greetings. We are the 'League of Justice'…_

"Not interested."

I crumpled the letter and threw it out.

"What was that letter about, Kazuma?"

The inquisitive Megumin looked towards the paper I discarded on the ground.

"Probably just some guild of nobles who want to take advantage of our popularity," I said.

Megumin took my word for it and resumed with her task of sipping the tea.

Considering this letter as something of inconsequence, I dismissed it from my thoughts.

…

…

Three days later, I received another letter.

 _Dear Satou Kazuma-san,_

 _Please forgive me. I realize that anyone would be suspicious from receiving a letter from out of nowhere. However, I would like you to know that we at the 'League of Justice' would like to request a formal meeting and…_

"Still not interested."

The letter, which I thoughtlessly stuffed in my pocket, turned out to be quite useful when I went to the bathroom to do my business, and found that the toilet paper had run out.

…

…

 _Dear Sato—_

"Damnit, just leave me alone!"

Yelling this, I ripped the letter to shreds.

For weeks now, I've been receiving letters from this so-called 'League of Justice'.

"Is it the Axis cult? Such harassment tactics belong only to the Axis cult. Aqua, tell your people to quit harassing me or I will take out my frustrations on you!"

"Ouuuuch! No, not that part…that is an integral part of my hair!"

"If Kazuma is really bothered by it, why don't you have a face-to-face conversation with these guys and ask them to leave you alone?"

Offering this logical answer was Darkness.

She then said,

"Furthermore…"

"And if they still end of bothering you, feel free to rely on my explosion magic in moments like this."

Megumin said this while cutting off what Darkness was about to say.

"I've been quite bored recently. Very well. If Kazuma desires to beat up some guys, I am all for it."

Aqua menacingly said while cracking her knuckles.

"Despite everything, I am still one of the nobles in charge of this land. Please don't bluntly proclaim your intentions to beat up innocents, especially when I am still in your present company."

As if suddenly remembering that she was still a noble lady and not just a full-time, unrepentant masochist, Darkness actually said something Lalatina like.

"What is this 'League of Justice' thing about, anyway? Maybe they have something important to say, but Kazuma is unwilling to listen because he would rather avoid any responsibility while he is already set for life?"

There were some moments when Aqua actually hit things right on the nose.

"What else could they be aside from a group of pretentious, conceited types? With a name like 'League of Justice', that must surely be the case. Either this guild is full of stuck-up old guys, or some kind of club for pretty boy types. To both possibilities, I'll have to say 'no thank you'."

I declared my stance firmly.

I decided to keep ignoring these guys who desperately wanted to meet with me for some reason.

However, the next morning…

"Damnit!"

Another letter.

In fact, there were several letters.

All from those 'League of Justice' guys.

And along with the letters, there were dozens of business cards that littered the mailbox, which I immediately threw out to the front lawn.

"OK, that's it! We're going straight to those guys! Those guys made the mistake of including their address in this letter! Aqua, prepare to rain down 'God Blow' on these guys!"

"Yessir!"

"Megumin, make sure to unleash a good explosion today!"

"My magic is always ready to strike down any foe!"

"What did I tell you about…I'm still a proud noble of this country, you know?!"

Darkness yelled this in rebuke as we resolved ourselves to deal with these guys who loved to fill up our mailbox with crap.

 **Part 3**

For something so grand like 'League of Justice'…

A building that was of the same size as Wiz's store, this is the location the address provided in the letters led to.

Surely enough, there was an insignia over the entry door, a shield with the letters 'L.J.' emblazoned at the center.

This building was located in the more unsavory parts of town.

Built out of wood, the structure had moss growing on it and bird feces stained the walls.

The windows had yellowed curtains drawn over them, and with some of them, the glass was cracked or just plain smashed in.

There were plants outside but they were left unattended and malnourished.

Aqua leant down and casted a restoration spell on the plants, bringing them back to life.

But they turned out to be plants with sharp teeth that almost took a bite out of Aqua's hand, the same one that had been casting a healing spell on it.

"This place is evil, Kazuma! I don't sense any evil spirits, but it still seems evil!"

Aqua said as she eyed the violent plant that was now gnashing its teeth at her.

Ignoring Aqua, I said,

"This seems really shady. This is just my intuition as someone who dealt with a lot of door-to-door salesmen and newspaper agencies trying to con me, but this place seems really shady."

As the one in charge of protecting my home in Japan, sacrificing and devoting my time to protecting my home by always staying in it, I was familiar with the usual schemes of the door-to-door salesmen and the telemarketers that would always try to sell me something.

As a matter of fact, the way this 'League of Justice' had been sending their invitations and other crap to us, reminded me of the methods of those persistent newspaper and magazine salesmen who always tried to get you to subscribe to whatever publication.

Even in this fantasy world, such pesky sales strategies exists!

I was about to tell Megumin to blow this place up, but…

The door suddenly flew wide open.

Darkness, who was close to it, yelped in surprise as she instinctively drew back and held an arm in front of Aqua, who was behind her.

"Ah! I knew you would come, Satou-san! And of course, his ladies…"

I was somewhat surprised to see this fellow before me.

Black hair and black eyes, as well as a fair complexion. No, judging by how pale his skin was, this guy hasn't seen much sunlight in his life, probably.

In all likelihood, this fellow was a Japanese. And also, probably a fellow former NEET.

This guy who had yet to introduce himself glanced at Megumin and then spent at least ten seconds gawking at her.

"What is it? Excuse me? Why is this guy who shares some features with Kazuma staring at me so intently?"

Someone with an immature body like Megumin probably wasn't used to guys checking her out so blatantly.

Similar to her role as a tank in battle, the crusader Darkness was the one with the ability to draw the attention of others, mostly men, towards her body.

Yes, in terms of harassment, Megumin really only received it from me…

And now, from this guy as well, it seems.

"Wonderful...! I've heard rumours that there was a specimen like this in Satou-san's party but…wonderful! Truly wonderful!"

"Specimen…? Hey!"

Megumin squealed as this guy started predatorily circling her body.

"Kazuma, this guy is really creeping me out! I thought that Kazuma's sexual harassment was bad, but this guy sets off every 'danger alert' in my body!"

To prevent Megumin from getting too excited and blow us all up, I firmly grabbed this guy on his shoulder.

"Oi. I get it, that you must be one of 'those', but can you not harass my...?"

Party member…? Friend…?

As I was confused as to what to call Megumin, this guy who had been checking her out said,

"Ah, I get it. Of course. Heh. There's no way that a wonderful specimen of a loli would not already be claimed by another man of _culture_. Such a regret. Truly, I am very regretful. But to someone who I sense a feeling of kinship, I can only congratulate you, Satou-san. Truly, this world in which mature activities and even marriage with fourteen year olds is legally allowed is truly, truly wonderful!"

The happy mood on this guy's face instantly soured after I told him to stop harassing Megumin, only for it to be replaced by a look of begrudging respect, and then, for some reason, joy.

"Oi. I ain't a lolicon. Something like that blonde, slutty looking lady over there, that's the kind of body I like."

"Even…Even if I am someone who has certain preferences, I will not allow Kazuma to insult me so freely. Unless, of course, he wants a no-holds-barred punch from me every time he calls me 'slutty', or any variation of the word!"

Easily dodging a wide hook from Darkness, I regarded this guy.

This guy…

As if sensing my thoughts, he cheerily smiled and introduced himself.

"My name is Watanabe Ryuji. As you probably guessed, I am a reinca…I mean, a fellow countryman of Satou Kazuma's, a Japanese."

"Ah! So he _is_ Japanese! I suspected it!"

So this goddess who processed the world a whole lot slower than the rest of us finally figured it out, huh?

"You must have a lot of questions…and I can answer all of them inside…"

Watanabe gestured to the bleak, shady looking building.

The girls all looked at Watanabe as if to say 'You're going to have to try harder than that'.

Although there was probably nothing these guys could do to a renowned party like ours, I could sense why anyone would be suspicious.

However, I've had my 'Sense Motive' skill active all this while, and I didn't detect any hint of malice in this Watanabe fellow.

To this fellow Japanese who seemed normal enough except for some very obvious lolicon tendencies, I felt almost obligated, as if compelled by the propaganda instilled in me since I was young, to at least hear out what my fellow countryman had to say.

"…I see. So the ladies are suspicious of me. No matter. I am used to such treatment…"

He had a faraway look in his eyes, and I knew that he was recalling his dark past.

"Then please, Satou-san, follow me."

As I followed Watanabe inside, Aqua called after me.

"If they do anything strange to you, Kazuma, make sure to use the scroll of teleportation that you always hide in that concealed sleeve within the left side of your jacket! And be sure to keep in mind that you have a hidden dagger tucked away in a stitched on sleeve above your right ankle!"

"…"

Divulging all my emergency measures was the well-intentioned but mentally challenged Aqua.

 **Part 4**

"Ah, sorry. It's quite dark inside, yes? The landlord actually cut off our electricity a few days ago. If Satou Kazuma-sama answered our summons only a few days earlier…ah, but I am not complaining. No, not at all."

I didn't know how these reincarnated Japanese, who surely must have come to this world with O.P., game breaking perks, ended up hanging out in a miserable place like this.

Navigating our way through this dark space, we eventually came upon an area illuminated by candles.

A circle of candles on a table.

What was with this cult like setting?

Was I being recruited to some kind of cult?

This set up almost seems like they're attempting to summon some kind of demon!

Around this circle, I could see more Japanese fellows.

They all showed expressions of enthusiasm when they saw me.

"Thank you for coming, Satou-san!"

"I didn't think that you'd come, Satou-san!"

"Thank you for partnering with us! Now I can finally eat food other than the leftover glutinous paste that sometimes sticks to the bowl after someone has eaten rice, Satou-san!"

Watanabe, who seemed to be the leader around here, raised his hand and quelled down these guys who were spouting some very concerning things.

"Everyone, Satou-san hasn't agreed to anything yet. I haven't even told him what we are trying to do here."

They mood was dampened somewhat, but they were all still looking upon me with expectant gazes.

Watanabe offered me a seat. I took it, and the guys who were seated to both of my sides gave me a polite bow as I sat down.

I was used to this kind of servile attitude from the nobles at the capital or merchants who wanted to strike some kind of partnership with me.

It was quite surreal to see it from people from my old world.

It was a strange overlap between the life in this fantasy world I've lived this past year, and the old one that I thought I had already left behind, where no one had ever treated me in such a way.

"Satou-san, I'm sure that you are very curious, insatiably so, about the purpose of our organization…"

"Oi, there's a limit to how much you can exaggerate something."

I was curious, but not to the point that I'd lose sleep over it. Even if these guys didn't tell me, I'd just get up and walk home with the others while forgetting about everything that occurred here.

"Well then...Satou-san…please don't feel like we are blaming you when we tell you this. But, ever since Satou-san and his party vanquished the Devil King, for high-levelled adventurers who fought in the front-lines, which mainly encompass us, the reincarnated Japanese, life has been very tough since then."

Watanabe said this as he awkwardly averted his eyes from me.

Chris mentioned something along these lines when she was explaining the reason why a Japanese like Tanigawa Kyouske—that shaman we fought who had the 'Time Stop' relic—was working like a guard dog for the merchants who were visiting town.

There was no longer any need for high-levelled adventurers to fight in the front lines.

And as tasks of a lower difficulty like hunting goblins or kobolds is restricted only to beginner to intermediate level adventurers, as a way to prevent higher-levelled adventurers from hogging all the work, higher-levelled adventurers had to resort to taking on the more insane kill-quests, which were practically suicide missions.

This restriction ended up being a disadvantage to the guys who were too overleveled for most quests.

The king who just got back from fighting in the front lines and commanding the forces in the war against the Devil King army, was probably busy with all sorts of tasks.

He probably figured that the adventurers who made a lot of money fighting in the front lines would be able to survive for a few months, before he needed to find a solution to the problem.

Which begs the question.

"Oh. The money. Well, I spent mine buying expensive gifts for the lovely noble ladies in the capital."

"There was a beautiful, big chested daughter of a wealthy merchant who I was trying to impress. I bought her family the biggest mansion in the capital with my money."

"I spent my money on a different bar wench every night."

They unhesitatingly answered my question with those ridiculous reasons.

"Ah, is that so. Thank you for having me. I will be going home with my party now."

"Wait, Satou-san, please hear us out!"

What was there to hear out?

These guys who had cheat items probably had an easy life in this parallel world until now.

While I was freezing in the stables with an unkempt goddess who got dead drunk every night, these guys were fighting in the front lines with their cheat perks, and flirting with noble ladies.

And it seemed as if not every reincarnated Japanese suffered from the sudden unemployment. Those who managed their money well was still living a comfortable life, unlike these guys.

Come to think of it, that Mitsurugi or Katsuragi or Araragi fellow…I forgot his name…was not present in this meeting. When I asked them about what happened to that cursed sword user, as I was a bit curious, they answered with a 'che!' and said.

"All the good looking riajuus instantly got jobs as models for magazines after they were laid off, or they are still receiving money from the various sponsors they accumulated throughout their career. Some are also being taken care of by the noble ladies who are infatuated with them. Damn those guys! Just die!"

I see. So that was it. Rather than managing their money well, that was it.

Certainly, when I looked around this table, the guys around here were only average and normal looking at best.

"And so, Satou-san, this brings us to the formation of the 'League of Justice'. You see, each of us had been doing some form of mercenary work or other. Working as hired swords, or guards for travelling merchants. However, those jobs can be quite unpleasant at times."

A heavy atmosphere fell upon everyone.

"I see…it must have been hard. And I guess, as you all only have skills in combat, it is difficult to find civilian jobs in the service industry…"

I said this as I couldn't help but look at these guys pitifully.

"Ah, no, it's not that. We just don't want to work such menial jobs, Satou-san."

"Yes, it reminds me of the job I had as a convenience store clerk back when I was alive, Satou-san."

"I am very 'anti-establishment', Satou-san."

Is it too late to tell Megumin to blow these guys up?

Watanabe had to quiet everyone down again.

"Well, the point keeps getting delayed, but Satou-san, the purpose of the 'League of Justice' is to help us find adventurer related work outside of contracted mercenary jobs. You see, the restriction on quests that forbid high-levelled adventurers from taking on lower difficulty quests, such a restriction is enforced in the Adventurer Guilds, which are sponsored by the government, and other businesses who seek to invest and have a share of the profit. If we were to make an organization that is like an 'Adventurer Guild' but without any troublesome restrictions, we might be able to gather sponsors, and we can safely take on quests below the really dangerous ones and get paid for them with the sponsorship money. As for why we asked Satou-san to come here…we would like you to consider sponsoring us."

Watanabe looked at me seriously as he made this proposition after explaining.

 **Part 5**

'Sponsoring us'.

So, they want money from me…is basically what these guys were saying.

Watanabe once more looked away from me awkwardly.

"We couldn't get any sponsors to back us. You see, while we would normally be able to receive backing as an organization full of high-levelled adventurers…perhaps we might have been a bit too rowdy in the capital. Which is to say, that the nobles who hated us but couldn't do anything because of our military importance is now actively stonewalling us."

While it was easy to blame the nobles for this, these Japanese who came into this game-like world with the same mentality I did, of wanting to experience every fantasy game cliché…slaying powerful foes, becoming popular with the ladies, probably inconvenienced a lot of people with their willful attitude.

I realize that with the fortune I had, it wouldn't be hard to help these guys get started.

But, even if they had me as a sponsor, it wasn't certain that they would receive backing from other sources, if these guys really pissed off the nobles that much.

And an arrangement where I am the only one providing money to these guys will not bring me any gain.

I wasn't so greedy as to think about monetary gain all the time, however, I didn't want to develop a habit of always giving out my money. I didn't want to become that kind of pushover.

A part of me was saying 'just leave these guys alone, they deserve it for losing all their money'. That would not be a fair criticism, though. Youth who are sent to a world they could only fantasize about since they were young, and given extraordinary abilities to succeed in this world, would of course make a lot of mistakes by going too far with their indulgence without thinking about the consequences.

I could have gone along this same route if I had the opportunity to grow a big head. Instead, I was stuck with that goddess of debt and misfortune.

Really, I was too nice. Let this moment prove to all my doubters that I wasn't 'Scum-zuma', or 'Kazu-trash' or any such thing.

"While just giving you guys free money doesn't sit well with me, how about I join your league for now?"

"!"

If a famous adventurer like me were to join this league, officially signing myself in the roster, showing my face on quests once in a while, these guys will receive a lot of interest.

They might even receive some backing, even though they are hated by a lot of nobles.

That was just how far my influence went these days.

"Will...Will Satou-san do that for us?"

These guys looked at me with gazes of admiration.

I wanted beautiful ladies to admire me in this same manner, but it seemed that I can only receive such attention from town delinquents and now, this unemployed lot.

"I have a question, though. Why is it called the 'League of Justice'?"

I asked a question that had been nagging at me all this while.

"Ah, about that. If all we do is take on easy quests that rob low-levelled adventurers from work, we will be hated by everyone. And so, we also plan on doing some heroic service! For free, of course! Serving those in need, answering calls of distress! Actually, we've been spreading our business cards around, which has a function that will activate a distress signal if anyone who has the card on their person is in need of rescuing…preferably if they are a damsel-in-distress…however, all we've been receiving is complaints about harassment…"

The business cards that were littering my mail box, of course I saw it as harassment. Really, what were these guys thinking?

How do I always end up assisting such helpless cases as these guys? Even with those girls, I couldn't bring myself to ditch them back then, and attempt to find a more capable, balanced party.

Ah, really. Maybe I really am this kind hearted?

Yes, that must be the case.

 **Part 6**

"The 'League of Justice', huh?"

"Ah, you've heard of them? I hear that they are a 'hero organization'. Their motto is 'The strong protecting the weak'."

"I heard that Kazuma is a member of this league. To think that he'd join an organization that protects the weak…"

"Maybe he's not as scummy as I thought?"

Ah, just as planned.

Once word got out that I joined a struggling organization with the mission of 'helping others in need (lol)', I sensed the public opinion of me was changing.

As if I'd join those guys without thinking about how such an arrangement would benefit me.

I also joined while thinking about how my reputation would be positively affected.

You would think that such unpleasant names such as 'Scum-zuma' would stop being spoken by the masses after I accomplished such a great deed like defeating the Devil King.

With this, however, I was now a part of such a noble (lol) organization.

When I went out hunting with the league fellows, even though we were stealing profit from lower-levelled adventurers, people will say things like 'ah, it's for a good cause, they need the money'.

And when nosy people ask me why I'm not paying for the league's activities myself, I say things like 'it will be suspicious if I am involved financially in this organization. People will think that I am using this as some sort of laundering scheme. I am known in these parts as 'Scum-zuma', after all'.

And they'll look guilty while averting their eyes and say 'sorry for spreading such bad rumors about you…I see that you are actually kind-hearted (lol)'.

All according to plan.

Best of all, after returning home from a quest with the league, the girls would look at me with eyes of approval and respect.

"I see that Kazuma is working hard every day."

"I thought that it was suspicious at first, but Kazuma is doing good work, isn't he?"

"Kazuma has really grown from back then."

The girls who would look down on me and hurl insults were talking to me in such soft, gentle tones.

Even though when I quest with those guys, I just sunbathe in the grass with a lawn chair that I developed with Vanir, while sipping on wine and eating the pea snacks that match well with it.

Even though I've been lazing around more than I usually do at home while I'm 'questing' with these guys.

Despite all this, things were going well. There were even some backers who became interested and gave us financial support.

Ah, maybe I really am a genius?

Just as I started thinking that, however…

"Hey…isn't that 'League of Justice'…they said that their mission is to 'protect the weak', but all they've been doing is stealing quests from newbies, right?"

"This is Kazuma we're talking about…I've had a good opinion of him lately, but I can't shake the feeling that he's up to something…"

"Come to think of it…I happened to see this league as they were questing. It could have been my imagination, but I think I saw Kazuma lounging contentedly while sipping on wine as they were questing at the monster grounds…"

"There have been complaints from newbies too. I dismissed them as the usual complaints of rookies, but now…"

Ah, this is bad.

If they were to find out about my scheme, my reputation would become even worse.

After spying on the whispered gossiping of my fellow adventurers at the guild with the 'Lip Reading' skill, I drank the rest of my beer and went home.

Passing by our big front-yard, I saw Chomusuke making a commotion at the lawn, running around in circles, seemingly agitated.

I saw Megumin sitting at the front porch, watching her pet.

"What's that cat doing?"

"I don't know. Maybe we have a problem with pests, or something? Anyways, Kazuma, I've heard some unpleasant things from the other adventurers lately. I adamantly refused their claims but…is there something you want to tell me?"

If I told her about the real purpose of the 'league', that it was just a scheme to make profit behind a fake cause like 'protecting the weak (LOL)', I didn't know what would happen to the good mood between Megumin and me if I were to do that.

Probably, she would look at me with empty eyes for a long while.

That's not good. This is the first time I've cultivated such good feelings with a girl. I didn't want it to stop.

"Megumin shouldn't believe such things so easily."

"I see…I'm sorry for doubting you."

Saying such things with a smile that displayed her childish innocence.

I had to do something fast.

 **Part 7**

Visiting the league, intending to discuss my concerns, I approached Watanabe.

"S-Satou-san! Just in time! We have an emergency!"

He looked up from a huddle with the others with clear distress in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"We have received communication from one of our business cards…!"

The annoying business cards these guys stuffed my mailbox with, which I ended up scattering along the wind, throwing it all over my front lawn.

These guys said that they distributed those things everywhere in the nation, sending it to every mail address they could find.

These cards allowed one to send a distress signal which included coordinates we could use for the Teleportation spell, while also having the function of being able to send an audio message.

I may have considered this league as a mere hoax, or a scam operation, but these guys were actually serious about being a 'League of Justice'. I just found this out. I really thought that they were just scammers.

Additionally, the purchase of these cards and the fees for the mailing were one of the reasons why these guys are living such a decrepit lifestyle.

"..."

I had this thought more than once, but these guys are idiots.

"We will play the audio message for Satou-san."

Watanabe played the message for me.

All of a sudden, we heard a distressed female voice.

"… _H-Help! We found this card so…if anyone can hear us…please…!"_

From the voice alone it was obvious that this was a beautiful damsel-in-distress.

There was the sound of impact in the background, as if something colossal fell on the ground.

" _There…is…a giant…an evil god! A giant monster is terrorizing our home…!"_

" _Thud! Thud! Thud!"_

Indeed, there were heavy stomping sounds that could be heard in the background.

And then…

" _RAWR!"_

A terrible scream was heard through the recording before it cut off.

"Satou-san! We must teleport to these coordinates immediately!"

Watanabe said this as he started issuing orders.

Something like a giant monster…an evil god, huh?

"Well, good luck, everyone. You've done well under my tutelage so far, however…"

"W-Why do I get the feeling that Satou-san wants to abandon us?!"

Wasn't it obvious?

Something like a giant monster or evil gods, why would I want anything to do with that?

"If Satou-san is concerned, don't worry! We are all high-levelled adventurers who possess perks and powerful artifacts, after all!"

In an effort to reassure me, Watanabe took out a golden axe that he had slung over his shoulder.

Certainly, if it was with these guys, I didn't have anything to worry about.

In fact, this can probably work!

"I get it. However, I don't' want to take any chances. We will gather the other adventurers and have them teleport with us to these people in need."

"I see! Certainly, it would be no good to charge in ourselves. Although this town is full of beginner adventurers, there is strength in numbers."

"As expected of Satou-san!"

"Lead the way, Satou-san!"

Actually, I wanted the others to see our heroics in action.

The nasty rumors about the 'League of Justice' being a hoax would surely go away if everyone saw us doing something 'justice' like.

Well, aside from that, I wasn't just thinking about myself.

I wouldn't waste time when we could just teleport right away to save these people's lives.

I did legitimately think that it would be wise to group up together with the adventurers of this town.

These guys were powerful, sure, but from the sound of things, that giant monster thing that the woman went so far as to describe as an 'evil god'…such a creature might prove too powerful even for these overpowered guys.

I figured it was best to get as many of this town's available forces involved.

And so, with me leading the way, the 'League of Justice' set out towards the adventurers' guild.

 **Part 8**

At the guild…

I had the receptionist lady gather all the adventurers to the guild.

"Kazuma, is there a reason for your summons?"

Standing beside me and the receptionist lady was Darkness.

This noble lady felt compelled to look official and stood beside me for no reason.

"This is a matter of dire importance."

Her face took on a serious look, her eyes narrowing. She said,

"I see…well, then, start your address, Kazuma."

This noble lady, really. As if I needed her permission.

"Everyone. You are all probably wondering why I called you here today."

Suddenly faced with my serious attitude, the adventurers who were murmuring among themselves became quiet.

I took out the card and infused mana into it.

I played them the recording of the woman screaming for help.

There were horrified screams in the background.

And then the sound of the ground shaking, followed by the roar of the giant monster attacking these people.

There were gasps among the adventurers. Some lowered their gazes. Some cursed.

"As you can see…it's like this…"

I paused for effect.

"Everyone…as you all know, I have recently joined a group known as the 'League of Justice'."

I turned towards Watanabe and the rest of the guild. They emerged from the crowd and stood around me.

With their high-levelled equipment and legendary weapons, they made quite the intimidating presence.

"Although there have been some nasty rumors…I would like to affirm that we are indeed a righteous guild who desire to 'protect the weak (lol)'. We haven't had an opportunity to show it so far, but please believe us."

From the front row, I could hear Aqua say,

"Hey, Hey, Megumin. Why is Kazuma just randomly saying that? Isn't that weird? Why would he say something like that first thing, during an emergency like this?"

This goddess was really only perceptive in times when it would inconvenience me.

Speaking a bit louder to drown out Aqua's voice, I paced around while speaking to the crowd.

"Yes…we are an organization that is concerned only about helping others. That is our motto, after all. Justice…yes, indeed, we strongly believe in justice. Justice is very good…"

"Hey, hey, Megumin. Why does it feel like Kazuma is just making things up along as he's talking? And why would he say something so obvious like 'justice is very good'?"

Damn this goddess. I'll kill her!

"We may have been questing all this while, stealing quests from lower levelled adventurers…but, I assure you that that is not the primary focus of our organization. As I said before…it's about justice…"

The crowd started shifting around again, whispering among themselves.

"Hey, hey, Megumin…"

Ah, oh, no.

The crowd started frowning as they looked at me.

Perhaps they suspected something?

"I think…the point that Kazuma is saying is…"

Darkness said this as she took a step forward from her place beside my side.

"…We can place our faith in these guys, and in Kazuma. They are all high-levelled adventurers, and Kazuma himself is the hero who defeated the Devil King. Despite the bad rumors and gossip circling this 'League of Justice' and of Kazuma himself, he's saying that we should put our trust in them as they lead us to combat. Isn't that right, Kazuma?"

After passionately saying that speech, Darkness turned to look at me. She was dead serious.

Ah, I was beginning to feel bad about this.

I didn't do anything wrong. We needed troops for this dangerous mission. However, I still felt bad for some reason.

Maybe because I was just thinking of how my reputation would benefit from this while Darkness, Watanabe, and everyone is only concerned about the safety of the people?

Ah…

Maybe I really was a scumbag.

I placed my hand on Darkness's shoulder.

"Well said, Lalatina!"

"D-Don't call me…!"

However, before Darkness could finish…

"Yosh! You heard what Lalatina said, everyone! Let's follow these 'League of Justice' guys and take this giant monster on!"

"As expected of Lalatina-chan! Come on, everyone! Let's do this thing!"

Megumin and Aqua went up to us. Megumin placed her hand on Darkness's other shoulder.

"Lalatina, you unexpectedly have a gift for raising the morale of troops, huh? Even during the battle with the Destroyer, it was Lalatina's charge that encouraged everyone to stand their ground and fight."

Darkness looked at Megumin in tears. She said,

"Even though that's the nicest thing Megumin said to me in recent memory…why is everyone calling me by that name?!"

And so, after everyone chanted 'Lalatina'…

I spent a small fortune to purchase multiple scrolls of teleportation in order to teleport whole groups to our destination, while also hiring the teleportation services to help out.

Wiz was also there, helping with the teleportation process.

And so, with everyone in the mood for battle…

"Teleport!"

With firm resolves, we transported to the field of battle…!

 **Part 9**

Once we all teleported…

Fully armed, the entire town of adventurers arrived in this place.

And once we did…

"Help us…no….help us…!"

"!"

That voice…!

I heard it!

But, it seemed so faint…so distant...maybe we missed the teleportation by some margin?

I turned to our troops and said,

"It seems that we need to travel some more if we want to reach our destination. No matter. This actually works in our favor. We didn't think to plan out our strategy, our method of attack…"

The troops were silent. I took that as my affirmation to go on.

"As we do not know the capabilities of our enemy, we will proceed cautiously. I want thieves who can use the 'Escape' skill to scout out the area first. Survey the situation, but don't do anything reckless."

They were still attentively listening. I went on.

"Once the scouts come back, that's when we'll make adjustments to our formation, but for now we will go with the typical melee fighters at the front, wizards and archers supporting them in the middle, and healers at the back."

I turned to Megumin who wasn't saying something chuuni and trying to steal the spotlight for once. She was just silently looking forward.

"Megumin. You can control the power output of your explosion, but we don't want to risk getting the civilians caught up in it. I want you to hold on to your explosion until we can draw the monster away from the civilians…"

"Ah. There's no need. I can take care of the monster right now."

I spoke too soon. She was now acting chuuni and trying to steal the spotlight.

Really…this girl…

"I understand that it's in your Crimson Demon blood to act cool or be at the center of attention or whatever, but now is not the time for such things. Listen, I don't want you just firing that thing off and…"

Before I could continue, Megumin was already walking past me.

"Oi…Megumin…eh…?"

When I turned around, I saw something very peculiar.

Well, rather than peculiar…

…I guess the right word was 'familiar'.

An expansive lawn and a mansion that looked eerily like ours.

No, it is ours.

"Did the…did the teleportation fail?"

No, even if one teleportation failed, there was no reason why all of the scrolls would lead to the same place.

Watanabe approached me. He was sweating nervously.

"Satou-san…maybe…it might be that we were so concerned about delivering letters and business cards to your address that we accidentally set the coordinates for all the cards to your residence?"

Was…Was that really it?

Something so stupid like that?

But no, I definitely heard it. Something like 'save me, save me'.

As I was mulling this over, Megumin called out to me.

"Kazuma, Kazuma. Come here."

"Not now, Megumin. I'm thinking…"

"Kazuma, Kazuma. You really need to come over here."

I sighed and eventually relented, making my way over to Megumin.

"What?"

I impatiently said this as I walked over to Megumin.

She was watching Chomusuke who was agitatedly running around in circles as it had been doing recently.

Megumin then picked up Chomusuke and held it up in the air.

"There. It's done, Kazuma. I beat it."

She said something weird.

As I was prepared to dismiss her delusional words, I heard a voice call out to me.

"T-Thank you…! We've been saved…!"

A faint voice.

I looked around for the voice.

"Down here…down here…!"

Looking down at the direction of the voice beckoning to me.

"On behalf of us ground-pixie folk, thank you very much for saving us from that evil god!"

Below my feet was a small creature, barely noticeable in the grass. Standing upon a mound of soil that was like an ant hill was a small humanoid creature that had light brown skin and green hair.

This tiny creature who had the voice of the distressed woman from the recording, called out to us.

From the ant hill emerged more of these creatures. One of them dragged out something from the hill.

"Thank goodness we found this magical card! If we never found it, that evil god would have kept terrorizing our home!"

The card had a familiar looking logo on it, a shield crest with 'J.L.' at the center.

I remembered how I had, in my frustration, tossed the cards onto the lawn back then.

As more of these creatures came out to thank us, Chomusuke, who was in Megumin's hands, extended a clawed paw towards these creatures.

"Hisss! Rawr!"

"EEK!"

The pixies, frightened by the 'evil god', rushed back into the mound of dirt.

"So, it appears to be like that."

Megumin said this blankly as she petted Chomuske's fur.

"So it seems."

"…"

From behind me, all the adventurers were silent.

Darkness was holding her face in embarrassment after getting all hyped up for this.

Aqua was looking around with a confused look as if to say 'what is going on?'

Megumin, hugging Chomusuke to her chest, smiled at me and said,

"Well, at the very least, it is said that gaining the favor of ground-pixies will bring good fortune. Maybe with the blessing of the pixies, an unfortunate event like this won't occur soon."

Eager for any kind of consolation, I easily accepted Megumin's wishy-washy words.

…

...

After that little incident, the 'League of Justice' was dissolved.

Watanabe and the others can now be seen working at Kazu-mall.

Really.

What was the point of all this?

 **Chapter END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting this Noble Lady Past Her Prime with an Unlikely Proposal!**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Gifting this Noble Lady Past Her Prime with an Unlikely Proposal!**

 **Part 1**

"Kuh! Kazuma is dishonorable in battle! To treat a duel against a holy warrior, a crusader such as myself, in such a disrespectful manner is…!"

"What did you expect, Darkness? This is the kind of fight you get if you challenge this man."

In the backyard, equipped with our battle gear, Darkness looked at me with spite as Megumin accused me of fighting dirty while holding Chomusuke in her arms.

"Unacceptable! As if a Crusader can ever lose to someone with the weakest class—!"

"Shocking Grasp."

"Guwahhh!"

I easily sidestepped Darkness's wild swing and gripped her shoulder, sending electric magic through her armor.

As for why I was fighting this meat for brains…

 _It is no good for us to neglect in honing our skills, even in peacetime… We must train, everyone!_

Declaring such things, Darkness forced us all to have sparring sessions.

However, Megumin was untouchable thanks to her firepower, and Aqua had absurd stats while having the ability to continuously heal herself even if you managed to damage her.

And so, the only ones who could fight on anything resembling equal footing was Darkness and me.

However…

"Tinder, Freeze."

Combining a clump of ice in one hand and the heat of 'Tinder' on the other, I created a burst of condensation similar to the 'Fog Cloud' spell Iris used to great effect during the tournament.

While she was stumbling around with her vision impaired, I took my partner with the weird name out, still sheathed, and slammed it on her wrists and knocked the great sword out of Darkness's hands.

"I'm the great Satou Kazuma who was even able to beat that Prince Jatis in a straight up duel, you know? Why can't Darkness just accept that compared to everyone else, she's the weakest one in the party."

"Oi, Kazuma, that's really too much. You'll make her cry."

"You bastard! I'll kill you!"

Even as Megumin admonished me for treating Darkness roughly, far from crying, Darkness lunged at me even with her weapon disarmed!

This workhorse with endless stamina discarded her weapon and came flying at me with her fists!

"Gah! A Darkness who relies on brute strength alone is unstoppable! Bind!"

Not leaving anything up to chance, I threw a rope that was bundled and dangling from my belt and activated the 'Bind' skill I learned from Chris.

"No… No fair!"

Darkness, who skidded on the ground as the rope restricted her movement, angrily complained to me.

"Just be grateful that I didn't just use that skill from the start. Really. Is it just Darkness or is everyone in the Crusader class this predictable? Even in the weird board game Aqua and Megumin often play, the Crusader class can only advance forwards and has a set of rules forbidding it to take evasive maneuvers."

Giving my scathing opinion over the stubborn class full of honor bound knights with limited abilities, I sighed and looked at the struggling Crusader pitifully.

"I'll kill you, I really will! And then I'll kill myself!"

"Finally. This wannabe knight is saying something Crusader-like. Normally at this point you'll say things like—"

"Kuh! You've defeated me, and even tied me up in such a shameful way! But, even if you do what you please with my body—you'll never take my heart!"

"—Y-Yeah, like that."

Taking the words right out of my mouth, I was dumbfounded in the face of this pervert with strange tastes.

"If you two are done fooling around now, please come inside. Lunch is ready."

The one in charge of cooking today's lunch, Aqua, peeked out of the door leading into the backyard and called us inside.

"Hm? Wait, Darkness can't go in if she's tied up like that."

Megumin said this as she looked at Darkness, who was writhing on the ground struggling against her bindings with a creepy smile on her face.

"No—it's fine. This is my punishment for being such a useless Crusader. Please leave me here—with my face pressed up against the cold, filthy ground. Heh."

"Just leave her there, Megumin. It seems that she wants to make friends with the ground-pixies that have moved in recently."

As Megumin and I went inside, we heard a knock from the front door of the mansion.

Aqua, who was holding a huge, steaming pot stopped in her path to the dining room and looked towards the door.

I could see the internal workings of her mind from the conflicted gestures that played on her face, she couldn't decide whether to finish her current task or answer the door.

Deciding to give this simple minded goddess whose mental capacities short-circuited over the smallest things, I answered the door myself.

"Ah, Satou-sama. It's been a while."

At the other side of the door was a familiar face, a mage who acted as Iris's tutor and bodyguard.

The mage of the royal court who accompanied us during that incident in the home of the Crimson Demons, Rain.

 **Part 2**

"Please excuse our mediocre tea and hospitality."

"Ah, thank you—wait, isn't this just hot water?"

Drinking the purified water Aqua gave her, Rain looked at the one who served her this sham of a tea as if having trouble deciding whether she should be offended or dumbfounded.

"So, what brings Rain-san here?"

Megumin asked Rain, who placed the 'tea' down on the coffee table after only one disappointing sip.

"Well—actually, where is Dustiness-sama?"

She glanced around for Darkness who was currently in the backyard kissing the ground while tied up.

"She's occupied right now. Why, what business do you have with her?"

Rain took out an envelope and placed it down on the table, next to the tea cup she gave up on.

On an envelope with a surface rough to the touch from carved in floral designs, inscripted in lavender cursive were the words 'to Dustiness Ford Lalatina-sama'.

Having had a bad time with letters recently from that whole meaningless 'League of Justice' incident, I stared at this envelope suspiciously.

"This business only concerns Dustiness-sama, however, I know myself how tight-knit Kazuma-sama's party is, so I will tell you—the king has expressed an interest in an arranged marriage with Dustiness-sama."

After Rain said this we looked at each other in turn.

"I thought that the king was a serious kind of character but he has his deficits too, huh?"

"I guess even the king was seduced by the slutty body of that Ero-ness, huh?"

"I always thought that getting hitched will fix some of that girl's craziness. This will be good for that Depraved-tina."

Rain waved her hands around as we talked ill not only about Darkness, but the king of this country.

"No, no! Although the king is the one who suggested this proposal, he is not the one arranged to marry Dustiness-sama! In fact, he has resolved not to marry anyone after the late queen's death… It's the prince, obviously, the one arranged to marry Dustiness-sama is the prince! Prince Jatis!"

Prince Jatis? That loli-con, sis-con pervert who went so far as to throw away his reputation and risk assassination from his own father, just so he could marry his own blood-related little sister?

"Logistically, such a match-up of some of the two most depraved, perverted people in this nation is actually a perfect fit, isn't it?"

"Yes… In terms of those who fit well with Darkness, you'd put people like Scum-zuma, the perverted prince, that masked devil, the blond delinquent adventurer who often spends time in prison due to misdemeanors, and that Alderp who suddenly disappeared all of a sudden, right?"

Megumin and Aqua discussed those who were a perfect match for Darkness and somehow my name was included among those weird people.

Seemingly uncomfortable about how we kept badmouthing Darkness, Rain squirmed in her seat.

"In any case, if Dustiness-sama is not here, then I will return to my hotel and come back when she returns…"

"Rain is not a stranger. We have plenty of room here. Why don't you stay?"

Rain was surprised as Megumin casually offered her an invitation.

"Ah, but you can't have kouhai's room! There's no real reason why I said that, by the way."

Aqua said such tsundere lines even though that character trait really didn't suit her.

As Rain considered whether she should accept Megumin's invitation, a groaning sound came from behind us.

"Hah…guh…ugh…you all…just left me there, huh? How heartless! Thank you very much!"

Rolling her way over to us, still tied up, was a panting and filthy Darkness.

"D-Dustiness-sama?!"

Rain cried out as she suddenly stood upon seeing Darkness's unruly state.

"Steal!"

"Ah!"

From the rapidity in which Rain stood, the movement almost caused the teacup that she placed on the table to spill its contents all over the letter.

But, at the last second, I used 'Steal' on the letter, saving it from the quickly pooling water.

"From the way it usually goes, I'm surprised Kazuma didn't accidentally steal this child's panties."

Aqua provided this unnecessary remark.

"E-Eh? Rain-san?"

Darkness froze in her attempts of rolling towards us when she saw the perturbed Rain.

"A-Ah, Dustiness-sama. I see that you are indeed quite preoccupied…"

Rain glanced between Darkness and me while blushing.

"Oi, I don't like the way you were looking at us."

"I feel like you're getting the wrong idea."

Darkness and I said this to Rain who was looking at us timidly.

"Well, there was that incident in the capital. Even now, people are still talking about it…"

Ah. The 'wetting' incident that branded Darkness and I as some kind of hardcore exhibitionists. How nostalgic.

I thought that all talk about that infamous incident would evaporate from public attention after some time, especially when preceding the much more sensational outcome of the tournament.

However, it seems that after the hype of the tournament, the people started talking about that 'wetting' incident once again.

"Right now, the people's gossip these days revolve around Lord Alderp who mysteriously disappeared, the deeds of the Chivalrous Thief who continues to rob the homes of corrupt nobles, and also, rumors about Dustiness-sama who is still not married even as she's nearing the age of ineligibility…"

"What age of ineligibility?! I haven't even reached my prime yet!"

Darkness rebutted Rain's words, but when it comes to the tradition of nobles who marry at a young age, some as young as Megumin was when I met her, Darkness, who was nearing the age when she would be officially two decades old, was already being called words like 'ineligible' and 'spinster'.

"Damn them! Damn them! I can't believe this… I haven't expired yet! You can't eat a banana and throw the peel away… A noble lady is not a fruit! And someone can slip on the peel!"

Darkness wept into the carpet as Rain told her about the gossip going around about her in the capital.

"Nobles sure have it tough. Most of them never marry out of love or attraction, but for political gain or other such reasons instead."

Megumin said this as she leant down and patted the shoulder of the weeping Darkness.

"Megumin is really terrible at consoling people!"

"Eh?!"

Ignoring those two, I looked at the letter in my hands.

"Satou-sama! That letter is for Dustiness-sama's eyes only!"

Rain said as I ripped the letter open.

Ignoring Rain's words, I read the letter.

"Hm, this looks pretty official. Not like the love letter I was expecting. Nobles and royalty really don't waste time with romance, huh? The usual poetic clichés like 'your eyes are like the stars in the sky' are replaced with phrases like 'in the case of adulterous affairs, the above stipulations will take effect while considering separate agreements formed in the official records of alimony'…"

I said when I finished reading the proposal letter that read more like divorce papers.

"Wait… If Darkness marries the prince who is next in line to the throne… She will become the next Queen of this nation, won't she…?"

Aqua said something that we all overlooked.

We all looked towards Darkness who was still struggling against the rope.

Her body was covered in filth and her bodysuit under the armor was ripped and torn in a very erotic way.

"W-What?"

She said to us who looked at her doubtfully.

"Is this really OK?"

"What will happen to this nation that will be ruled by a siscon pervert and a hardcore 'M'?"

"We should prepare passports and make plans about moving to the neighboring nation of Elroad."

"?!"

 **Part 3**

Despite Megumin's invitation, Rain chose to stay at a hotel as the room had already been paid for.

"Well then… My role is only the messenger. If Dustiness-sama would like to discuss this matter further, please tell me and I will teleport all of us to the capital."

Perhaps in consideration to Darkness who was a hero of this nation, the king didn't just outright demand an audience with her.

After Rain left, the four of us sat around in the living room with grave faces...

"Will we move in with Darkness in the castle when she sells her body off to that perverted prince? That doesn't seem so bad."

...Except for Aqua, it seems.

"What is Aqua saying?!"

Darkness slammed her hand on the table at Aqua's words.

"I… I used 'Sacred Break Spell' on those tough ropes, so Darkness better not attack me!"

While those two fought, Megumin looked at me with some concern.

"If Darkness gets married… What will happen to the four of us?"

Aqua and Darkness halted in their squabble while I was forced to regard Megumin seriously.

The four of us…

Certainly, if Darkness were to marry, she wouldn't have much, or any time, to spend with us.

Forget going on adventures and trips, even times when we can gather around the living room like this would become scarce.

And it'd be even worse when Darkness starts building a family…

"That's… That's not fair! I've already declined offers from my superiors in heaven of promotions and rewards so I could stay here and play with you guys, but Darkness is already leaving so soon?!"

Aqua cried out as she rushed over to Darkness and pulled on her collar.

"Why is Aqua attacking me?!"

The rest of the day was spent in awkward silence. Aqua went out to bother Wiz and Vanir, Darkness went to the Dustiness estate to discuss the marriage matter with her father, who was informed about the news as well. Only Megumin and I were left in the living room.

"Things got serious all of a sudden. What's up with this tonal shift?"

Megumin said as she weakly smiled at me.

"I've been throwing words like 'marriage' around with Megumin, but it's actually really serious business, huh?"

"It's concerning that you've just begun to realize this."

Megumin was lying down on the couch while reading a paperback novel. I was sipping on wine and eating some snacks while I absentmindedly browsed that day's paper.

"I figure that it's unlikely for Darkness's father to reject this proposal. I mean, Darkness will effectively become a queen… An actual queen. Well, after the king either perishes or steps down from the throne…"

"Mn."

"And for the king to make this choice… Darkness is the next best thing to having Kazuma marry Iris, in terms of a political and optical sense, wouldn't you say? Darkness is also one of the heroes who defeated the Devil King, and is actually of noble lineage, and not just any noble family, she is from the reputed Dustiness clan…"

"Mn."

"And I suppose with the gossip going on about Darkness, and how the people's approval of the prince plummeted after his siscon tendencies were revealed, the prospect of marriage between the two will erase those scandalous events from the minds and most importantly, scrutiny, of the people… And, hey, is Kazuma even listening?"

Megumin lowered the paperback from her face and raised an eyebrow at me.

I gave up on reading the paper and tossed it on the table.

Looking at my face, Megumin smiled wryly.

"Ah, I should have known. Kazuma is also bothered by this. As expected of this tsundere who secretly cherishes his comrades."

"Keep up this teasing and I'll consider you a sadist."

"I'd prefer if Kazuma ceases in his habit of attaching these terrible psychological qualities to my character. Calling me a pyromaniac, a psychopath… Along with that nickname the townsfolk call me, 'Crazy explosion girl'... The only moniker I want is something like 'Demon Queen Megumin' or 'Evil God of Wanton Destruction Megumin'."

"I got it. No psychotic traits. Just plain old chuunibyou."

"No, actually, something like 'pyromaniac' and 'psychopath' does indeed seem cool..."

"Megumin is finally becoming one of those young girls who romanticizes mental illnesses and uses them to attract attention to herself, I see. Go write a blog about your 'inner demons' already, you chuuni snowflake!"

"I don't know what this 'blog' is but I have a feeling I should be offended!"

I looked at Megumin who I was steadily developing a good mood with recently.

In the event that I were to pursue a relationship with Megumin, I've thought about how the dynamics of our party would be altered by such a drastic shift in our relations.

But, with Darkness getting married, such worries didn't even seem significant.

And let's say that Darkness gets married, and then Megumin and I do end up in a relationship. Where does that leave Aqua?

Aqua who will become a third-wheel will probably go back to heaven where a promotion and some rewards would await her.

"Hm… I suppose doing something reckless like using the wish Eris-sama owes us for something like 'I wish we can stay together forever', is really not a good idea."

"And why would it be a bad idea?"

To my casual inquiry, Megumin said this in a no nonsense tone.

Megumin is the one who values camaraderie the most out of all of us.

All she wanted was to spend the days peacefully with the four of us together.

"Kazuma, I'm not going to say something irresponsible to you like 'do something about this'. Darkness is not exactly in duress here; She's not being forced to marry anyone, well, at least not directly. We can't do anything about the noble status she was born with, either. Nobles who are blessed with fortune and a comfortable life, at least in terms of material needs, have a responsibility to the people and to the customs of this land, they are upheld by different standards."

To Megumin who lived in poverty for most of her life, she made no excuses about the obligation of nobles.

Around dinner time, Aqua came back but Darkness didn't. We assumed that she was staying over at the Dustiness estate for the night, and ate dinner without her.

 **Part 4**

"I'm going to attend the marriage meeting."

The next morning, as we were eating breakfast, Darkness slammed the front door open, made her way over to us, and announced this.

"Darkness would usually ditch all her marriage meetings. Did the promise of unconditional power and wealth change Darkness's mind?"

"No, Kazuma has no right in projecting his scummy tendencies towards me. I've had a long talk with my father, and we concluded that, as this is not an ordinary marriage meeting with any other noble, but royalty, it would be unforgivable, and a stain to the Dustiness name, not to at least accept this invitation."

Aqua washed down her mouthful of rice with tea but spat it out when she burned her tongue. After cooling off the afflicted area with a desperate gulp of cold water that Megumin gave her, Aqua said,

"So Darkness really is selling off her body for power and wealth. I must… I must tell everyone at the guild!"

Aqua rushed over to the door leading to the backyard, but, with an impressive show of speed, Darkness impeded Aqua's path, her body forming a blockade at the door.

"Don't… Aqua mustn't do that! That is… There are already rumors spreading among the nobility about the proposal… That much is inevitable as nobles have informants and eyes everywhere, but no one in Axel knows about this yet. I'd like to keep everyone from finding out as much as possible."

Aqua's usual compulsion to gossip was tranquilized by Darkness's unusual determination. She returned to her seat.

"If Darkness feels so strongly about this, then I won't say a word."

Darkness smiled gently at Aqua.

"Thank you, Aqua."

It seemed that Aqua was already placated, but she started squirming in her seat, and had a conflicted expression on her face.

Can't this nosy goddess keep a secret to herself for once?

"What is Darkness planning to do about this proposal? Surely, it won't be so difficult to turn it down."

Darkness looked at me as she took a seat next to Aqua. Megumin stood and took Darkness's favorite mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee. Darkness thanked her and took a sip.

"To be honest, I am in a tough place. There will be a scandal if I were to reject a proposal from royalty. It will be a grave insult towards the throne."

It did seem quite insolent to do something like dump the prince of a nation. And there was already a lot of talk about Darkness abandoning her duties as a noble, rejecting offers from one house after another, and now, the prince, too.

"I'm sorry, Darkness. I want to help, but this doesn't seem like a problem that can be resolved with explosion magic."

"The problems that can be resolved with explosion magic is very limited, isn't it? Rather, please don't say such things so casually, or I might have to consider Megumin as a terrorist."

Darkness said sternly to Megumin who was casually saying dangerous things.

"I don't get it, why doesn't Kazuma just hatch up a plan like always? You're pretty quiet so far, Scum-zuma. Normally you'd be enacting some terrible scheme that will make everyone see you as a devil disguising as a human, by now."

"Why do you assume that I always have the answers to everything? And isn't it the goddess's job to offer a means out of this predicament? Come on, you goddess of disappointment and averted expectations. Why don't you embrace the usual cliché for once!"

As Aqua and I were about to go at it, Darkness chuckled as she watched us.

"Despite everything, moments like this… Eating together with everyone… I think I'll miss these small moments the most. Thank you, everyone. Although I have no shame in my birthright, and I regret nothing about being born as a noble, a watchful steward of this land… It gladdens me to know that I existed as 'Darkness', the Crusader, at least for this past year."

We were not prepared to hear such serious and profound words from Darkness. They were words of finality, but I could not sense a hint of remorse in them.

Later that day, Rain came over.

"Is everyone ready? I made sure to spend SP in upgrading the 'Teleportation' spell, and I'm wearing numerous trinkets that is rumored to improve the success rate of spells. So please rest assured that we won't traverse that awful 'Ethereal Realm' again. Probably."

Rain said as she was clad head to toe with a bunch of useless looking knickknacks and paraphernalia. She seemed to have developed a bit of a complex after multiple failures with the teleportation spell.

"Yes, we're ready."

Darkness said with a peaceful expression on her face. Beside her, Megumin and Aqua had somber and sorrowful looks.

"I see… The time has come, huh?"

"It hasn't been long… But the memories we shared with Darkness will last forever… In my heart."

"Everyone… Thank you. With those words… I can go… In peace…"

Why… Why did it seem as if we were escorting Darkness to her execution? Wasn't the mood way too tense?!

Rain noticed this as well and hurried in her preparations in a concerted effort to escape this dreary atmosphere.

"If everyone is prepared… Teleport!"

Rain said as we were teleported from Axel to the capital with this gloomy mood hanging over us.

 **Part 5**

"Darkness, good luck. I will be at the winery if you need me."

"I heard that there will be a Mage Conference, or 'Magecon' here in the capital. I'll be there if you need me, Darkness. Good luck with the prince, or whatever."

"Ah… Ok."

The tense mood was broken immediately as those two immediately shedded their melancholy and headed to their own agendas.

It was just me, Darkness, and Rain remaining.

"Actually, I'm also interested in the 'Magecon' that Megumin-san was talking about. Um, my duty was to escort you to the capital so with that done… If you will excuse me."

Rain left and followed Megumin.

"…" x 2

Without saying another word about being ditched by everyone, Darkness and I started wordlessly walking aimlessly.

"We still have some time left before the meeting starts. Does Kazuma want to do anything before then?"

Darkness was wearing casual wear… Or at least, what would be defined as 'casual wear' by a lady of high standing. Her outfit looked to me, though, like an office lady cosplay from adult videos. Or maybe it was just that her body was so erotic that anything she wore produced that kind of 'A.V.' effect.

"Why… Why is Kazuma staring at me…?"

"N… Nothing…"

It was this Ero-ness's fault for having such a stimulating body. Certainly, it wasn't because I went out of my way to perv on anyone. It's not like I want to be turned on, especially since I always get ridiculed when I show even the slightest hint of interest.

And, furthermore, as I was already in a… 'Something' with Megumin, it felt kind of wrong, in some kind of obscure sense, to ogle another woman.

This reminded me of a forum post I read back in Japan. Some riajuu was asking for advice as he didn't know if it was wrong to get turned on by another woman when he was already in a relationship. I roasted that riajuu for making up such a stupid scenario just so he could show off about having a girlfriend, but I see now that such predicaments, unimaginable to the perpetually single, do exist!

"Kazuma? Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yes, really, I'm fine. I don't really know what to do right now, so why don't we walk around and sightsee?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea. The last time Kazuma was here, he spent all the time indoors playing with Iris."

Darkness couldn't help but make that remark.

"Speaking of Iris, I will be able to see her today, huh? Do you think she's expecting me? I wish they would have given her ample warning. I don't want her to be so overwhelmed by emotion when she's finally reunited with her beloved onii-chan. Ah, I'm getting embarrassed just thinking about it. Even though I only see Iris as a little sister, how will I respond when she tells me something like 'I like onii-chan'?"

"Kazuma really loves making up all these delusional scenarios. In what kind of fantastical reality will a little sister type princess fall in love with Kazuma and confess to him in such a sweet way?"

"The same kind of reality where Darkness and Megumin will both fight each other for my affection, perhaps? Ah, I'm getting giddy just imagining such a wonderful harem-like scenario!"

As we were walking in the streets, some people recognized us, and some stopped to ask for handshakes or even autographs. I was reminded of the time Darkness and I walked around Alcarentia, except, in that city, when people were asking us for our signatures, it was for the purpose of recruiting us to some crazy cult.

"Kazuma, will you tell me something?"

"What is it?"

We stopped to sit at a bench. Darkness might have had unlimited stamina, but I didn't and I needed some rest.

"Say… Kazuma likes Megumin, right?"

 **Part 6**

The streets of the capital, if not for the differences in architecture—the buildings in the capital were taller—from the bustle of street vendors and the traffic of people trying to get from place to place, were quite identical to Axel's streets in that there was a sense of ceaseless activity and a remarkable accumulation of the desire to 'do something' and 'go somewhere', sentiments that I, a NEET, just couldn't sympathize with.

And in the midst of all this activity, as people passed as by while we sat on the bench, Darkness asked me that question.

"Don't tell me... Um, despite what I said, I'm not the type to go after harems so…"

"No, it's not that! However, from what you just said, I assume that you do feel something towards Megumin, huh?"

Darkness was certainly more insightful than I initially thought. Such qualities were necessary for a noble. However, I didn't think that she'd arrive at that conclusion on her own just from observing Megumin and I...

"Did Megumin tell you anything?"

"We talked about it a little in our… 'Girls Talk'."

For some reason, she shuddered at the mention of 'Girls Talk'. Really, what was that 'Girls Talk' all about?

"I won't say anything that she told me in confidence but… Megumin really cares about you, you know?"

Darkness turned towards me and leaned closer. She looked at me with a knowing smile. She went on to say,

"And not in the same way she cares about me and Aqua either. She _really_ cares about you."

She leaned in even closer, in a proximity that would be universally defined as intimate. I felt something _soft_ on my arm.

"This is strange. It almost seems that Darkness is advocating for Megumin's feelings while simultaneously seducing me."

I expected her to back off, but she even placed a hand on my knee now!

This Ero-ness!

"Hm… I wonder about that. Perhaps I'm conflicted?"

Finally, she backed off a little, but her hand was still on my knee, and her fleshy thighs were rubbing against the side of mine.

"Megumin asked me something like 'do you have feelings for Kazuma'. And she was really serious about it, too. At the time, I honestly said 'no, I don't' but after she asked me that, I got to thinking. Imagining myself with Kazuma… Something like that. And I arrived to the conclusion that it wouldn't be so bad. Kazuma is the only man I've gotten close to. And Kazuma fits my preferences perfectly, too."

"Oi. I know what your preferences are like, so I am insulted by the insinuation."

"Hm, tell me something, Kazuma. Out of all of us, who values camaraderie and friendship the most?"

I immediately thought about Megumin. Darkness knew that and smiled.

"Megumin tells me lots of things, you know? About how she was before she joined our party. Penniless and having every party she joined reject her, almost coming to terms that she'd have to give up on her dreams… That's how she was, did you know that?

I've always known that Megumin didn't have an easy time before she joined our party, but to what extent, I didn't know prior to Darkness intimating this to me.

"In a way, joining this party saved her. You saved her. I mean, it's no secret. You're what holds us together, Kazuma."

How can this girl who can't take it when the adventurers from the guild tease her about her first name, have the guts to say such embarrassing things?!

"So I got to thinking, if Kazuma saved me, too, if there was a situation that necessitated it, would I have fallen in love with Kazuma, like Megumin did?"

"Eh?"

The 'L' word was casually brought up by Darkness. Her expression didn't even change at all when she said it.

"You shouldn't put words into Megumin's mouth."

"No, it's more like I'm putting her words into your deaf ears. Seriously, you couldn't tell?"

From all the vague words Megumin provided me so far, although I had my suspicions, naturally, how in the world could I arrive at such a conclusion by myself?

Prior to this, I was certain that there was at least an above moderate level of attraction developing between Megumin and I, but to go so far as to say that she loved me.

"Oh? Kazuma is happy about that, huh? Well, of course you would. Megumin is a smart, capable girl. And she's beautiful, too, with the kind of body Kazuma likes."

"No. The kind of body I like is the curvy, busty kind. Don't label me as some sort of lolicon."

"Then I should tell Megumin that Kazuma prefers my body over hers?"

"…"

Somehow, this hardcore 'M' was developing quite the sadistic streak.

"Why is Darkness telling me all of this?"

Darkness finally released her hand from my lap.

"It was more for my sake than yours, actually. Tying up all the loose ends, you know?"

She looked away from me and raised her eyes to the direction of the castle, in the distance, basked in this time by the noon glow of dark orange light.

As I was about to question her further, someone approached us.

"E… Excuse me! Are you Darkness-sama?!"

"M'lady! You… You must call her 'Dustiness-sama'! Don't be so disrespectful! We are sorry, Dustiness-sama!"

Approaching us were two people, a girl in her twenties wearing a maid uniform, and a little girl, just a bit younger than Iris, with curly, blonde hair and blue eyes. A noble, from the looks of it. She was wearing an elegant dress but she had, in a mud caked hand, a splintered and rough wooden sword that she was waving around in the air.

"No, not Dustiness-sama! It's Darkness, Darkness-sama! She's not just some boring noble like papa and mama, she's a hero, you know?! Darkness-sama, the super tough Crusader who faced off against powerful opponents! Hey, Darkness-sama, please teach me to be a strong warrior like you! I'm tired of being a noble, you know! It's so boring!"

"Ahh, m'lady! Dustiness-sama, you must forgive m'lady's insolence!"

The maid bowed and forced her young charge to do the same.

Darkness looked at these two in surprise.

"Um… Eh?"

She didn't know how to respond.

Beside her, I pointed a finger to myself.

"Um… The super cool Kazuma-san who is the leader of this Crusader's party is also here…"

The little lady looked at me for a second, nodded slightly in acknowledgement, before turning to Darkness again.

"Darkness-sama, Darkness-sama! Please teach me to be as tough as you!"

Her mouth formed into an upside down 'V' shape as she waved her little wooden sword around.

"As tough as… Well, first of all, you must be more than willing to take the hit for your important comrades. That is the first job of a Crusader. Yes… Although some Crusaders also excel in dealing damage, only true Crusaders recognize that it is defence and toughness that must surpass all…"

"So…So cool…!"

Darkness was casually making her deficiencies sound cool in front of this impressionable child.

The maid who had been attempting to hold her young charge back was also attentively listening to Darkness now with sparkles in her eyes.

"Also… Even if you are captured by the enemy, you must resolve yourself to face a certain, unspeakable fate! Indeed, it is the fate of all lady knights to endure this certain kind of tribulation! Certainly! Suffering a certain kind of…err…situation against a certain opponent…."

It seemed that Darkness was about to perv out like usual but made sure to censor most of it in consideration of the young lady.

She hasn't completely lost her mind, it seems.

"A… A certain kind of opponent…!" x 2

It seemed that those two were invested in every word that was coming out of Darkness's mouth, though.

 **Part 7**

Waving goodbye to the young lady and her servant, who Darkness talked for half an hour or so, it was already late noon and the sun was starting to set.

"She reminds me of a child I'm taking care of. Not in terms of personality, but in appearance, at least. For some reason, I really get along with young children."

Darkness watched the young lady walking off, waving her sword at us, with a fond smile.

"A child Darkness is taking care of? Who… Who is the father? Are they properly taking responsibility?"

"That's not what I mean and you know it!"

Before Darkness could argue with me further, a chiming sound was heard.

"Oh? That's the chime of the clock tower."

A somewhat famous clock tower that rang at the end of noon.

"The meeting will start soon. We should prepare ourselves."

I detected no hint of uncertainty in Darkness's voice.

"I got distracted by all sorts of things, with all that talk about Megumin, but I meant to ask you, Darkness, what do you plan to do about this marriage proposal?"

"Maybe I did that on purpose? To distract Kazuma? The truth is… I am not certain as to how I should proceed with this proposal. My resolution stops and ends with my agreeing to come here to the capital. As for what should happen beyond that… I planned only on going along with the flow of things."

"For the stubborn Darkness whose rigid temperament is as tough as her muscles to be so wishy-washy, is really unexpected."

"Must you turn every serious situation into a joke?!"

Darkness's composure so far was the result of this complacent attitude, huh?

Something like the irrational calm that comes the night before an important exam. Telling yourself 'let tomorrow's me worry about that'. Darkness had resorted to the methods of NEET.

She really was a fake noble.

"However, what I do know, is that if I have a choice… A future where I can still carry on as Darkness, the adventurer, and have fun with everyone… I will choose such an outcome, even if I have to compromise and agree to unsavory stipulations. Heh."

She was serious at first but in the end her ignominious personality took over.

We made our way for the castle. There was still some time left to change into more appropriate formal attire.

I didn't expect much from Aqua, so I was surprised to see her at the castle before we arrived, and already dressed for the occasion. Megumin had also arrived before us. She was carrying a bag full of souvenirs from that Magecon event.

Standing slightly behind Aqua who was wearing a blue dress and her hagoromo, Megumin decided to opt out of the adventuring gear she chose to wear the last time we were invited to a formal setting with royalty. She was wearing a black evening dress and in place of her choker, she wore that ruby necklace that was enchanted to amplify magic power, which she bought back then along with the necklace she gifted me with.

We stood starting at each other, and as Megumin was about to say something, Aqua, who couldn't read the mood, stood in the way of Megumin and spun once in a dramatic twirl.

"Well? This is the beauty of a goddess. I will be troubled if Kazuma falls in love with me, so please restrain your urges. It's hard, I know, but please endure it."

"Ah… I've never seen such a waste of natural beauty in my life. Oi, since you're supposedly a goddess, why don't you perform an act of charity and give away your looks to someone with a personality that matches it!"

"Mean...! How mean! Someone with a face that is only just hovering above 'not ugly' like Kazuma doesn't have the right to say such mean things!"

Darkness was led away by a group of maids as Rain came out and greeted us. Like Aqua, Rain was wearing a blue dress.

"What… What is it?"

Aqua was staring at Rain's dress.

"…One of us has to change and let me tell you now, child, that color doesn't match your eyes at all!"

"Ehhh?!"

As Aqua forced Rain to change into a dress with a different color, I felt a tug on my sleeves.

"Kazuma should change now, too."

Megumin said with some mild amusement.

Looking at Megumin, I was reminded of what Darkness said.

Something about 'love'…

No, I refuse to act like the protagonists in manga and anime, blushing and stuttering.

"…"

"…Is Kazuma alright? Why aren't you responding?"

That's right. To avoid doing such embarrassing things, it's better not to speak at all.

"In any case, it's almost time, Kazuma-sama. We must hurry."

A maid-san politely said this to me.

As I was escorted by a group of maids, I found that Megumin was also trailing after us.

"Kazuma ends up looking like a wannabe butler when he wears formal wear, after all, so my judgement is obviously necessary."

'Obviously', she says.

I didn't see the harm in it, however, outside of some mild embarrassment from my part. It was a bit awkward to have Megumin follow me into the changing room, but as she was just waiting by the doorway, I didn't refuse her presence.

I walked into a stall and closed it. I brought with me some blazers the maids picked out, needing to be inspected and approved by Megumin, of course, with me.

As I tried on the first blazer, I heard the sound of hurried footsteps.

"Hah…hah… onii-sama. I heard that onii-sama is here…!"

"Princess Iris! You mustn't walk into a changing room that a man is occupying… It is improper!"

Outside, I heard the voice of my beloved little sister, Iris.

Oh, and I guess Claire was there, too.

"Oh? If it isn't Iris. We haven't seen each other since we had that talk on our last night in the capital."

"It's…It's Megumin-san, I see."

Some…Somehow, the mood outside just turned very awkward.

"Is everything OK out there?"

I called out when it suddenly got really quiet outside.

"Onii-chan! It's me, it's Iris! Thank you for regularly sending me letters and teaching me about your country! Claire doesn't approve of my L33T speak but she's just a noob skrub LOL. Anyways, it's Lit AF to see onii-sama today! LMFAO!"

"Princess… Although you've assured me that this is the language of the elite or, as Kazuma-sama's people call it, the 'L33T', however, something about that language is very suspicious, especially since I've never heard Kazuma-sama's fellow countrymen speak that way!"

Claire often interacted with the Japanese who fought at the front lines, so she wasn't easily fooled.

In my downtime, I've been sending letters to Iris, and sometimes our conversations would involve the customs of my old country, Japan.

I've been polluting… I mean, instructing Iris about the vital elements of Japanese culture. Things like the 'absolute territory', referring to the sacred gap of exposed flesh between a mini-skirt and the hem of over-knee socks. Or the customary greeting to one who is good looking and successful in life: 'Blow up already you riajuu!'

Yes, things of this nature.

"It seems that onii-sama is changing. Onii-sama doesn't have good fashion sense so it seems that I'll have to offer my assistance. SMFH."

"Actually, Megumin-sama is already assisting us…"

One of the maids said but her voice trailed off for some reason.

"That's fine. Two heads are better than one, after all."

Megumin said to Iris. I wished that I could actually see their faces outside but from the tones of their voices, I could tell that something bad was going on!

Something like this is…

Yes, it was one of those, wasn't it?

My little sister and my—whatever Megumin is to me—had developed a bit of a rivalry, it seems.

I didn't notice it at the time, since I was caught up in the talk about Megumin, but Darkness confided something important with me, too, right? 'If you had saved me like Megumin, could I have fallen in love with Kazuma'. Something like that, right?

Right?

This is 'that' isn't it…?

Uwa… Really?

A harem like event just for me? Could this be the reward for all my hard work so far? Yes, that must be it. I was thinking that financial boons were great also, but isn't the hero supposed to be rewarded by hordes of women who are vying for his affections? That is the usual cliché with most stories, isn't it?

"Hm… Megumin-san, this blazer will go nicely with those trousers you picked out."

"Ah, yes. Good eye. Iris's irises are quite good."

"…Was that supposed to be a joke, Megumin-san?"

Unexpectedly, they seemed to be getting along out there.

So… No harem-like event is going to happen for me, huh?

"Forget the formal wear… I'll just go in my tracksuit."

"Kazuma?!"

"Onii-sama?!"

Suddenly, I lost all my motivation to try anymore.

 **Part 8**

"Um… Why is Kazuma wearing only his tracksuit? And why are you two shivering like that?"

Darkness said to Megumin and Iris who were both shoulder-to-shoulder as they shivered from the effect of my 'Freeze'.

"Kazuma went ballistic for no reason at all and lashed out at us with ice magic."

"Onii-sama has gotten very unpredictable!"

I expected Megumin to get my hopes up like she usually did recently but even my dear little sister has adapted this blue-balling tendency. Getting my hopes up and failing to read the mood. I should have given Iris further instruction on how to properly operate in her designated 'little-sister' role.

A true little sister would obviously act enviously towards Megumin who has been actively trying to develop relations with me recently. Iris has much to learn.

"Kazuma, we are currently in the presence of nobility! Go back to the changing rooms and let the maids dress you in something appropriate for the occasion!"

"I've come to expect this kind of unusual behavior from Kazuma-san, so please don't worry, Lalatina."

Sitting at the head of a long conference table was the king. We were ushered into the same room where we discussed the specifics of the tournament, back then. Prince Jatis was already sitting at the left hand of the king and Iris took her place at the right, followed by Claire and Rain.

"Kazuma and everyone, it's nice to see you again."

Prince Jatis looked to us and offered a polite bow.

"Oi, I don't remember going on a first name basis with this perverted Prince."

"Perverted prince… I thought that we expressed a mutual desire for friendship when you left the capital, Kazuma…"

"I don't remember such a thing happening."

"Come on, it's been awhile, but surely you haven't forgotten everything! Do you need everything summarized to you, or what?! Something like a cliché flashback scene in novels to remind you of our previous interactions, is something like that necessary?!"

To the prince who was getting agitated for no reason, the king said,

"Calm down, Jatis. First of all, let's get everyone seated, shall we?"

I sat beside Iris and Megumin sat beside me. Aqua sat beside Megumin and Darkness joined this side of the table, also.

"…How come I'm alone on this side?"

Even the maids and attendants all congregated behind us at our side of the table, leaving the prince all alone.

The king sighed and rubbed his temples.

"This son of mine… This is the reason why I requested this proposal in the first place. It's no good if my heir is someone who has no talent at all in receiving the respect of the people."

"I'm right here, you know! The son who you are bad mouthing is right here beside you!"

"Something like having Kazuma-san marry Iris and then having Jatis go away somewhere… That would have been the preferable outcome."

"Stop, I beg you to stop saying such awful things!"

The prince had developed quite a bad reputation but was the situation really that dire?

Indeed, even the maids and servants turned their heads away from the prince.

People had a stubborn tendency to hang on to discriminations, and public figures like Prince Jatis, his high station naturally attracting pervasive and at times automatic scrutiny, seemed now indelibly marked by suspicion and dislike.

"…I see. So by approaching me, the king is saying…"

"Yes. Although Lalatina is… Well, there is that… And this… And numerous other things…"

Darkness seemed like she wanted to retort but held her tongue as it was the king of all people who was criticizing her.

"Pfffft!"

"…!"

Aqua couldn't help but giggle, pressing her mouth with her hand to stop it from turning into full blown laughter.

The king continued, seemingly ignoring Aqua.

"However, the difference between Lalatina and Jatis is, even though both suffered public humiliation, Lalatina is still respected by the people. And why is that?"

"Could it be because Darkness is one of the heroes who slayed the Devil King?"

"That would be the natural assumption, Megumin-san. However, please remember that in terms of heroic feats, Jatis has accomplished more in the battlefield since a young age than Lalatina has. Although Kazuma-san and his party has accomplished the greatest act of heroism this land has seen in centuries, it could be argued that Jatis has provided more of a prolific service through his lengthy tenure in the fields of combat. So, let me return to my question. What is the difference between Jatis and Lalatina?"

He looked around to each of us, even to the servants, before he provided the answer.

"Among you, there are three leaders with differing talents."

He gestured to Jatis, me, and lastly, Darkness.

"Jatis is a wartime leader who does not so much as directly command the troops or inspires them, but quietly leads others to victory through his individual merits. That is a certain kind of leadership by itself."

He turned away from Jatis and then looked to me.

"Kazuma-san is a leader in the tactical sense. He understands the weaknesses and strengths of his enemy, his comrades, and himself, and he leads through his quick wit and ability to adapt in combat."

Turning finally to Darkness, the king smiled widely.

"And then there is Lalatina. What kind of leader is she would you say, Kazuma-san?"

I met Darkness's eyes and thought about the king's inquiry. Something about Darkness… What do people see in Darkness…?

"…Lalatina leads… With her boobs…"

"Dustiness-sama! Please put that chair down!"

The maids behind Darkness attempted to impede her as she suddenly lifted a chair to the air.

"Let go of me! Allow me to kill this man once and for all!"

As the maids attempted to placate Darkness, Megumin looked like she was pondering the king's question as she rubbed her chin.

"There were moments… Like in the battle with the Destroyer, the other adventurers had already given up on the seemingly impossible battle, but when Darkness charged at the overheating Destroyer, the other adventurers instantly recovered their morale and rejoined the battle…"

That was true. But Darkness charged at the Destroyer for unwholesome reasons, and the adventurers wanted to protect a certain shop in the town rather than the town itself, when they joined her charge.

"Even in the fight with the Dullahan, when everyone was disheartened when those adventurers fell to the hands of a vastly superior opponent, it was Darkness who inspired everyone by enduring the attack of the Dullahan."

That was true. But rather than 'enduring', I'd say that Darkness was enjoying that confrontation with the strong Dullahan.

Megumin then looked my way and said,

"There were many instances. And in a most recent example, with that whole mess with the 'League of Justice' and the distress signal they received, when Kazuma was trying to unite the troops before the battle, he seemed to be failing until Darkness took over."

That…That was true.

Earlier, there was also that encounter we had with the little lady who expressed her admiration and desire to be like Darkness.

"Hm… So something like 'a leader who inspires others'…"

I said while looking at Darkness who was still lifting the chair in a threatening manner.

…I don't see it.

"I see! Then, what kind of leader am I?"

"One who leads others to debt and misfortune."

"Aqua… Aqua-sama, please put that chair down!"

There were two people now who were threatening to throw furniture at me.

"Father, from what you are saying… Lalatina onee-sama is fit to be your heir? Something like having her marry into the family and take the throne? Is that even possible?"

Iris said this, somehow ignoring the commotion.

"No. Jatis is my unconditional heir. Unless something were to happen to him…"

"I beg of you. Really. Please stop trying to kill me off."

Prince Jatis pitifully said with lifeless eyes.

"I am planning on having Jatis as the technical heir to the throne, but the true, spiritual ruler will be Lalatina. And the people will also see it that way. Jatis can lead armies to victory with his individual might, but Lalatina can use her ability to inspire in the fields of combat and beyond. She can inspire a nation."

Hearing this, we all looked at Darkness who had now frozen in place when she heard the king's words, though she still had the chair lifted above her head.

"…Well, at least that was my idea."

The king seemed unsure of himself even after saying all those good things about Darkness.

Finally, Darkness placed the chair down. She attempted to compose herself despite that unruly display. She coughed once before regarding the king.

"I… I didn't imagine that this would be your reason for this arranged marriage, your majesty. This is… An incredible honor."

"Darkness, your braids have come loose."

"Urk!"

Dispelling Darkness's façade of composure and grace, Megumin made this comment before standing and fixing Darkness's long braids.

The king smiled at the scene and leaned back slightly on his chair. He then said,

"Well, then… What do you think about my offer, Darkness? Please realize that I am not forcing you into anything. You have done too much for this country along with your party to be treated in such a manner."

Darkness, who was getting her braids fixed by Megumin behind her, closed her eyes in contemplation.

Was she really considering this?

My heart started beating in anxious anticipation.

It was all starting to hit me now. Darkness marrying into royalty. Our party would never be the same. We would all grow apart. Aqua would probably go back to heaven. Megumin and I… What about Megumin and I? Even if we were to date or whatever, we would both be filled with regret.

Something… A scummy plan like Aqua said. I needed to come up with something. Even a ridiculous tactic like declaring my desire to create a harem with Darkness and Megumin, or whatever. A preposterous proposal like 'Darkness, I won't let you go. Be my mistress'.

At least, something that would deter whatever it was Darkness was about to open her mouth to say. Something…!

However, as I was about to act, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw Aqua.

"Have faith in our reliable crusader."

She showed a smile that actually suited her beauty.

Compelled by Aqua's words, I settled down into my seat and waited for Darkness to speak.

"...All those things the king said, about my supposed leadership… Please, tell me, my majesty. Did I accomplish those merits as 'Lalatina' or as 'Darkness'?"

"Hm?"

The king seemed confused by her words.

"A little girl spoke to me today. She recognized me for my efforts as the adventurer 'Darkness' rather than the noble 'Lalatina'. Something like inspiring others outside of the field of combat, I've never showed a quality like that, yet. Any signs of remarkable leadership I've shown was the result of my-in retrospect—impulsive actions in combat…"

"I don't understand, Lalatina… What I'm saying is that you have a quality in you, a charm, that makes others respect you. And that is a rare quality, indeed."

"The people will respect adventurers and heroes unconditionally. They will respect the crusader who has faced many strong enemies like 'Darkness', but for the noble 'Lalatina', in that end, they only say things like 'she is already reaching the age of expiration and ineligibility'. The prince is in a precarious situation as he is, undoubtedly, the prince and heir to the throne before he is a warrior and a hero. I can escape the expectation of the people as a noble, somewhat, but the prince is forever branded with the identity as 'someone who is expected to rule'. And so, I think that it is not fair to compare us to each other, as there is a higher expectation towards the prince, than there is to me. A hero is immortalized and revered forever in the moment they have slayed their fated adversary, but a king will only have his place in history once his tenure at the throne has reached its end, the time when his rule can be judged adequately."

Silence overcame us when Darkness stopped speaking.

"Aqua, do you sense a ghost in this room or something?"

"No… It's strange but Darkness doesn't seem to be possessed by a capable noble who has lingered in the realm of the living."

"Darkness has been reading a lot of books lately. Maybe she stole those words from a passage of some book?"

"Can you guys just leave me alone for once?! Let me have my moment, too!"

Immediately shedding the radiance she displayed, Darkness seethed and flushed in embarrassment and rage.

The king sat still and looked at Darkness for a while, before he sighed, sagging his shoulders.

"I suppose that's a 'no', then?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, your majesty. I am honored, but I will have to respectfully decline this proposal."

"Hah… It's my son who is being dumped here, but why am I the one feeling the heartbreak of rejection, instead?"

"I wasn't… I wasn't dumped, OK?! In fact, how come I only heard about this arranged marriage just this morning, huh?! Even the nosy nobles apparently received news about this before I did?! There's a limit to how much you can abuse someone, you know?!"

Beside me, Iris sighed at the pathetic display of her brother whining to the king.

"Hah… Onii-sama, I hope you realize that all that talk about 'heroes' and 'kings' from Lalatina onee-sama is just one big load of B.S., yanno? Kek. And I think my father knows this, too."

As expected of Iris who was trained to read people since she was young. I looked at the king, but he didn't seem offended that Darkness fed him 'one big load of B.S.'.

"I believe that father recognized Lalatina onee-sama's desire to stay with onii-sama and everyone as a party. My father is a man who will do everything he can for the good of the country, and he has determined Lalatina onee-sama as something that will contribute to such. For him to relent so easily, it must mean that he sees something special in all of you, something precious that he must not break apart."

Iris showed me a brilliant smile as she looked at my comrades.

I turned to look as well.

"Ah… Is that so? Darkness won't be the queen, huh? I guess I can't use her connections anymore to force all the wineries in the capital to give me a 99% discount, like I planned. What a shame."

"Indeed… Even though I planned on using Darkness's authority as queen to change the curriculum of mage academies, having them instruct prospective students of the mystic arts about the splendid and most powerful magic known to man: explosion magic…. What a shame."

"You guys are really…!"

Iris's cheerful mood started to darken.

"Err… I was mistaken?"

Darkness seemed to have given up on Megumin and Aqua, and looked to me for refuge.

"Darkness…"

"Yes, Kazuma…?"

She looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"The king said all those things about you being a leader, but sorry. I can still only see you as someone who leads with boobs…"

"Just die!"

And so, more or less, the crisis was averted without much fuss, in the end.

However, even more so than before, the nobles from the capital were calling Darkness names like 'spinster' and 'ineligible lady'.

 **Chapter 18 END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting this Wannabe Writer with a Published Novel!**


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Gifting this Wannabe Writer with a Published Novel!**

 **Part 1**

"Then, I will take Megumin-san's wide-winged cheeper."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather take Aqua's horned goblin, instead?"

"I may have less experience with this game than Megumin-san, but I'm not completely clueless."

We were playing cards in my room and Iris received permission from the king, despite Claire's protests, to play with us.

"To think that this sheltered princess could be so good at games. I give up."

A frustrated Aqua threw her cards on the discarded pile..

"It is quite sad to think that Aqua, who is reliable only when it comes to games and parlor tricks, would be the first one to concede."

"Megumin is the one who always claims to be a genius! And yet you're losing, too, aren't you?! We're all in the same boat here!"

Megumin, unable to deny Aqua's accusations, lowered her head in shame. Meanwhile, Darkness puffed up her chest and said,

"I'm doing pretty well so far, if I do say so myself."

"Actually, Darkness, you were eliminated in the earlier rounds. We only let you keep playing so you wouldn't feel bad."

"What's the point of sparing my feelings if you're only going to hurt them anyways?!"

We decided to stay in the capital for a little while, as the king graciously extended an invitation to us.

Iris also expressed her desire to play with us some more.

We didn't have any current obligations in Axel, anyway.

Darkness had her administrative duties, but her father, Lord Ignis, insisted that Darkness stay in the capital for a few days to recuperate, as she had been working hard recently.

"Magecon will last for several more days. Does anyone want to come with me?"

As Iris collected the cards after earning her tenth straight victory, Megumin made this suggestion.

Magecon… A few days ago, Megumin did mention attending this Magecon.

"As a warrior, an occupation that is the polar opposite to a mage, I will feel like an outsider at such an event."

Darkness said with a slightly regretful smile. Beside her, Aqua smirked and suddenly stood.

"Is Megumin personally requesting a public appearance from the great Aqua-sama in behalf of the mage community? Unfortunately, I won't perform unless I am inspired. I am an artist, after all. I am more than willing to engage with the common rabble in a 'meet and greet', however. If this Magecon is willing to pay for my services, they will have to contact my agent. Here's their business card."

She showed us a professional looking business card.

"Aqua, this is my personal mail address isn't it?"

"Doesn't Kazuma know? Make sure to work hard for me. It is a tremendous honor to represent a goddess. You're like a prophet… No, even better than that, you are the talent agent of a goddess!"

"I can sue Aqua for this. Every court will side with my case. You're making me represent a brand that I have no desire in endorsing!"

"Waah! Kazuma… Kazuma's eyes tell me that he's serious?! Nooo… I am financially dependent on Kazuma, you're my legal guardian, technically! Even if you sue me, you'll just end up suing yourself!"

As Aqua bawled, Iris started dealing out the cards again.

"Is everyone ready for round eleven?"

Iris said with an innocent smile that suited her age.

 **Part 2**

Later that day, after a meal at the king's table, a hearty sausage and eggs breakfast with various cheeses at the side, Megumin and I headed out together.

"It's unfortunate that Iris can't come. Being royalty, especially a princess, sure is tough. Really, what a shame that she can't come with us. I'm really regretful. Well, then, let us go."

As a princess, Iris couldn't attend a public event like a convention, as the security risk was too high. Darkness and Aqua had no interest in attending a mage convention, too.

And so, Megumin and I found ourselves in a date-like situation.

"Kazuma, today there will be an exhibit of a magic item that can supposedly withstand any type of attack magic. I will be proving them wrong by decimating this magic item with explosion magic."

"If you do that, you will destroy the convention center and everyone in it. When explosion magic is involved, I can't tell if Megumin is serious or just playing around, so please spell it out for me if you are indeed joking. Otherwise, I will use the 'Bind' skill on Megumin right now and have the capital's police force deal with you."

I said to Megumin who was telling me dangerous things with a casual sing-song tone.

"There will be no casualties. What I plan to do is have Kazuma steal the item, go outside and float the item up into the sky with the 'Featherfall' spell, and then I will proceed to unleash my explosion magic once it's safe to do so."

"That plan does indeed sound reasonable, but I am already infected by you irrational girls, so my sanity isn't what it used to be. There is no way that the authorities will accept that logic, however."

After I convinced Megumin not to go through with her plan, we headed to the convention area.

Magecon, unlike the conventions I was used to in Japan, which were held in massive building spaces, was operated like a circus.

My family visited a travelling circus once when I was younger and I sensed the same kind of atmosphere.

A no-roof affair with each 'panel' held in multicolored tents whose flaps were billowing softly in the steady wind of the open air.

There were even vendors all around selling peanuts and cotton candy.

The exotic colors of the convention goers' mage robes contributed to my impression of a carnival.

"I thought that mages were studious and usually valued peace and quiet, but this place is a mess."

I said as I observed the mages who were laughing merrily. Some were even drinking publicly, consuming strange bubbling substances from flasks.

"Yes, these people are quite rambunctious aren't they? They should strive to become a level-headed mage, like me."

"...But Megumin is the most dangerous one here."

"How about I show Kazuma just how dangerous I can be?"

"I told you not to joke about that!"

Once we were admitted, we proceeded to explore the attractions.

The first attraction we saw involved these large steel cages.

Within them were animals held in captivity.

A sign read 'Behold! Mysterious beasts never seen before!'.

I overhead the comments of the other spectators.

"Amazing! I have never seen a creature like this before!"

"Those stripes… How magnificent..."

"That other one looks like an onion duck… But without the onion!"

I leaned over to Megumin and asked her,

"Oi, Megumin, what's so fascinating about these animals? Isn't that just a zebra and a duck? And compared to the onion duck that yields a lot of experience points when it is killed, isn't it normal for a duck to not carry around a green onion?"

"A 'zebra'... Is that what that striped creature is called? And I've never seen an onion duck that isn't carrying a green onion."

Although zebras were quite exotic even in my old world, these creatures in display were commonplace compared to the giant toads and dragons that reside in this alternate world.

At a young age, kids would be taught about the names and basic features of these animals.

Animals like monkeys and tigers were common zoo attractions, but these mages who should be used to all manners of strange creatures were unusually impressed.

"Kazuma, it seems that we can have our likeness taken, like an instantaneous painting, by this magical image capturing device, although the fee is quite expensive… But perhaps we…"

The usually frugal Megumin made this request while blushing slightly.

A magic item that functioned exactly like a camera.

Anachronistic devices with convenient modern utilities exist in this world.

An explanation like 'It's magic' is usually provided for me if I do inquire further.

As for the design and inspiration, it probably came from the influence of a Japanese.

So, in terms of the particular mechanics and the 'why's' and 'how's', let's just leave that aside for now.

The fee was indeed quite expensive but it was nothing I couldn't afford. Megumin and I posed in front of the zebra's cage while the photographer took our picture.

Awkwardly standing shoulder to shoulder and trying to casually smile for the camera.

"Alright, looks good. Now, Say... Neroid...!"

"N-Neroid..."

The traditional phrase of 'Say cheese' had a peculiar equivalent in this world.

"It came out quite nicely."

Megumin smiled as she held the just printed picture against the sunlight once we were outside the tent.

"Let's frame it and hang it over the fireplace when we get back."

On the fireplace mantel, Aqua had proudly hung up the shield artifact Chris had us go on that heist to retrieve.

I figured the picture would make a pleasant addition.

"We should take another one…"

Megumin said as she kept looking up at the picture, eyes squinting against the light.

"With everyone else, you mean? That's a good idea. I'll rent one of those devices and we'll take a group picture with Darkness and Aqua. I suppose we should get Yunyun, Wiz and everyone as well."

"No, I mean, the 'zebra' or whatever was taking a poop when the photo was taken..."

"..."

And so, the date like atmosphere that had been cultivating so far was quickly ruined.

 **Part 3**

I noticed this before, but the mages here seemed to be intently looking at us, more specifically, at Megumin.

"I told Kazuma before. I am now an important figure in the mage community."

The other day as well, people in the streets were taking notice of Darkness. And now, Megumin was receiving the adoration of the magi.

Even Aqua received admiration from the guild when she took on the advanced class of Arch-Priest. Although, that occurred before they all saw Aqua for what she _really_ was.

But, when is an event like that going to occur for me?

"Kazuma, for a while now there has been a crowd of people gathering over there. Let's take a look."

I could make out a large group of people congregating around one place.

There was a loose formation of a line that had dispersed into clusters of idling people.

Out of curiosity, well, Megumin's curiosity, mostly, we approached the group of people.

Megumin tugged on the robes of a tall man, who turned around and opened his eyes wide when he saw Megumin.

"It's… It's Megumin-sama! Megumin-sama is talking to me!"

Was Megumin really that big of a deal in the mage community?

"Megumin-sama… Hah… Hah… Megumin-sama…!"

...Oh, I get it. This guy is a lolicon.

"Greetings, fellow mage. May I inquire as to why our esteemed peerage is gathering like so?"

Megumin started speaking in a grandiose way as she struck some chuuni poses.

"Eh? Oh. A certain famous amateur writer is selling some copies of her books here, in Magecon. In fact, she is a Crimson Demon clansman like Megumin-sama. Perhaps you both know each other?"

Megumin and I looked at each other.

"If it's a writer… That would be Arue, right?"

"Ah, maybe she did mention something like that in her letters? I tend to skim over Arue's letters since she tends to ramble about her delusional fantasies."

"I don't want to hear such a criticism from you, of all people."

People made way for Megumin, who was taking the admiration of her peers surprisingly well.

She was more dignified about it than her personality and usual conduct might suggest, at least.

Then again, Megumin wasn't as bad as Aqua, in that regard.

After cutting in line, we eventually saw Arue seated at a table. She had a paperback novel, built more like a booklet with the cheap materials it was made with, displayed on the table.

Beside her were Megumin's other two schoolmates, Dodonko and Funifura.

...Or at least, that's what I think their names are.

"K-Kazuma-san! What are you doing here?!"

"I-It's Kazuma-san! Um… How very unexpected!"

The schoolmates of Megumin who were not used to the company of guys around their age, started panicking when they saw me.

They also started fussing with their hair while faintly blushing.

Oh my, oh my.

Faced with my charming self, these young girls were acting like so?

To her old schoolmates who were acting shy, Megumin stepped up to them said,

"Oi, just because you two have never held eye contact with a guy for more than three seconds, doesn't mean that you can just put on an innocent maiden act. Weren't you two acting like antagonistic bullies when we were still students? Don't act so innocent now."

"Antagonistic bullies?! Even… Even if we liked to tease Yunyun sometimes, doesn't give you the right to say that! Speaking of bullies, it was Megumin who often stonewalled Yunyun, who just wanted to make some friends! At least we humored her while Megumin would always disregard the lonely Yunyun!"

"That's… That's right! Wasn't there even a rumor that Megumin was taking advantage of the innocent Yunyun and forcing her to do all sorts of naughty yuri acts?! 'Oi, Yunyun, if you want me to consider you a friend, then first you have to make friends with the me down there…' Something like that, right?!"

"What kind of nonsense is this?! These are lies, complete lies, especially that last part! That's it, forget the magical item that will supposedly never break, I'll unleash my explosion on you two!"

"Eeeeek!" x 2.

Those two stood from their seats and hid behind Arue.

Throughout all this, Arue was calmly depositing some Eris pieces in a register machine.

"Megumin, Kazuma-san, it's good to see you again. What are you two doing here? Out on a date?"

"It can't be… Megumin is always showing off in her letters but is it actually true?!"

"So Megumin likes both boys and girls?!"

Megumin gave some more explosion based threats towards those two before she turned to Arue and said,

"I didn't expect to see you three out of the village. I've always thought that you guys would live in that village until you were old spinsters, or you would be forced to marry the village's rare bachelor, Buzucoily, and form a harem around him."

"That's too cruel! She was this way before, but ever since Megumin left the village, she has become even crueler!"

Arue didn't seem to mind Megumin's insults, or more like, she just ignored them.

She held up the booklet she was selling and handed it to Megumin, and another copy to me.

"I've always distributed my novellas, just to get my name out there. I've actually gotten some popularity recently, and I am making my first public appearance here in Magecon. Oh, and these two valley girls were desperate to see the famous capital city and begged their parents to let them tag along."

"Even Arue is…!"

"Cruel…! So cruel…!"

In terms of brutality, it seemed that Megumin and Arue were like minded in that regard.

 **Part 4**

"And this is the palace where Kazuma and I are staying. I suppose if you beg hard enough, I will consider allowing you to stay here for the night."

Dodonko and Funifura were too impressed by the sight of the famous palace to become offended by Megumin's condescending words.

We had given them a tour around the capital of famous places, like the clocktower that always rang at the end of noon, and some of the more impressive villas of the nobility.

Our tour appropriately ended here, at the palace of the royal family.

Arue took out a notepad.

"I've seen pictures before, but seeing the real thing up close is quite inspiring. I can write some interesting descriptions with this."

"O-Oh. Good for you…"

Megumin seemed a bit disappointed that no one was agitated by her words.

"Well… It's been fun catching up with you all, but Kazuma and I must return soon. I trust that you guys have a place to stay?"

"Hm? I thought that Megumin was offering us a room for the night at the palace?"

"So you _were_ listening. Jokes aside, if you guys haven't booked a hotel room already, or if your current accommodations aren't to your liking, we can ask the palace staff to lend you guys a spare guest room..."

While saying this, Megumin was awkwardly avoiding the gaze of her old schoolmates.

"Pffft!"

"!"

I couldn't help but giggle.

Really, what a tsundere this girl is.

It's kind of cute.

Arue smiled at Megumin's words and seemed amused by them as well.

"We do have our own accommodations but this is a rare chance to stay at the most famous landmark in the nation. Thank you for your offer, Megumin."

It didn't take too much to convince the staff.

Claire was persuaded by Rain who was familiar with Arue and everyone already, and could vouch for them.

I think it also helped that Iris, who Claire was weak to, was happy at the prospect meeting new people.

"It is very nice to meet Megumin-san's former classmates. I am Princess Iris, how do you do."

Iris curtsied as she offered a graceful and polite greeting.

"Wait a minute… Isn't this girly-girl princess-sama too cute?! I've never seen such cuteness in my life!"

"Megumin also fits that 'small and innocent' look but she's very uncute in terms of personality, isn't she? This princess-sama is obviously superior!"

Iris seemed to be embarrassed by the gushing of Dodonko and Funifura, but she didn't make any effort to refute their words.

"Oi, this 'very uncute' girl is right here."

I swiftly changed the subject before Megumin got riled up.

"Now, now. It's almost dinner time. Darkness and the other one should be at the dinner hall at this time, right?"

It was Rain who responded to my inquiry.

"Um… By 'the other one', could Kazuma-sama be referring to Aqua-sama? They are already at the dinner hall with the king and prince. They were waiting for you two, but Aqua-sama kept on complaining about her empty stomach and the king finally gave in…"

That goddess…!

As I was imagining myself pulling on the hair of that tactless goddess, Iris said,

"Um… Megumin-san's companions… If you don't mind, would you like to join us for dinner?"

It was Dodonko who answered Iris's somewhat awkward invitation.

"Um… We will be dining with the king? I'm sorry but this is too much for a valley girl like me. Yes, Arue said as much earlier, I am a valley girl. Yes, that's right isn't it? I'm just a clueless valley girl. This valley girl is content to dine in the servants' quarters."

Even though she was denying Arue's evaluation earlier, this girl started calling herself a 'valley girl' over and over.

Iris insisted and eventually, they were all forced to accept the invitation.

There weren't many who could say 'no' to Iris, even discounting her stature.

Rain performed a quick and unobtrusive spell to check the newcomers for any hidden weapons, as a protocol.

Then, we entered the dining hall.

A lavish room with a crystal chandelier hanging from the dome like ceiling.

Stretched before us was a long table filled with various foods and liquors.

Seated at the head of the table was the king while Aqua and Darkness sat to his right side.

The Prince once again sat all in his lonesome.

The king saw us and stood. Once Rain introduced the guests to him, he extended his arms out in welcome.

"Ah, so these are the members of the Crimson Demon clan. Because of your clan's, um… Rather interesting petition for sovereignty and seclusion before recent events, it has been a while since I've seen this many of you in one place! Come, sit, sit!"

Arue, always the composed one, gave a curtsy to the king. She simply said,

"Thank you for having us."

"Ah, I've heard a lot about the natural beauty of the ...um… _mature_ women of the Crimson Demon clan. I am glad to have finally confirmed the validity of those rumors with my own eyes…"

This lolicon prince seemed to be desperately putting on a front in order to dispel his reputation as a lolicon, sis-con pervert.

Nonetheless, the girls seemed to fall for it. Even the usually indifferent Arue blushed a little.

...This is why I hate pretty boys.

"Kazuma, why is this prince talking like he's never met a 'mature woman' from the Crimson Demon clan when he already knows me?"

"..."

I chose to sidestep this loaded question from Megumin.

 **Part 5**

"Ah… As always, the food in this place is great!"

Aqua patted her tummy and leaned back against her chair.

"I'm glad it was to your liking."

The king said to Aqua, who was poking at her teeth with a toothpick.

"How long does Arue-san and the others plan on staying in the capital?"

Darkness asked as she wiped at her mouth with a napkin.

She had been pretty quiet so far, then again, such a meek and gentle attitude was only reserved in settings like this.

Arue, I noticed, hadn't eaten a lot, but she ate a little bit of everything and wrote down her observations about the food in her notebook.

"Until the end of Magecon, which will last for three more days. Of course, if it is inconvenient, we don't plan on intruding any more than we already have."

"Not at all. Please, stay here for as long as you need to. In fact, a rekindled friendship with the Crimson Demon clan and this nation is long overdue…"

Saying this, the king had a speculative look on his face.

"Yes, please, consider this your home. And if you need anything, make sure to come to me. After the war, I haven't had the opportunity to do much lately. Ah, not to say that I spend my days idling away, no, not at all."

This prince was still putting on that phony act.

And he was taking on the characteristics of a NEET lately…

Because Darkness refused the king's proposition, this guy is expected to take up the throne someday.

Will… Will this nation be OK?

…

 **...**

I was exhausted after having been walking around the entire day, so I retired to my room.

The others didn't seem even the slightest bit tired.

Even right now, there was an atmosphere around them as if this were the first night of a school trip.

The girls, excluding Iris, as she had a curfew, were now having a slumber party.

I could hear their shrill, girly giggling even through the walls.

Iris was very disappointed that she couldn't play with everyone, but they assured her that there was plenty of time in the following days to play.

I was happy that they were all getting on with one another, and that Iris had more onee-sans to play with.

The isolated life of a princess was hard enough without having a bunch of weirdos like the prince and Claire acting as the role models you were supposed to look up to.

And while those Crimson Demon girls were still not all that right in the head, they were reliable in their own ways, especially Arue.

Speaking of whom, I still had a copy of her novella.

I was exhausted, but exhaustion and sleep doesn't always go hand in hand, and there are even times when you are so tired that you couldn't sleep.

And so, as a way to kill time until sleep came to me, I started reading Arue's novella...

 _The Chronicles of the Crimson Lovers Vol. I_

 _By: Arue_

So it was a romance story, huh?

I heard from Megumin that Arue mainly wrote action based battle stories full of her chuuni fantasies. But I guess Arue was more of a versatile writer than that.

Indeed, a writer who doesn't expand their horizons should be regarded as unskilled.

For example, someone who mainly writes adventure/humor type stories while not implementing any romance in it, for example, would be hated by their readers, for example.

I started reading…

 _The Chronicles of the Crimson Lovers_

 _By: Arue_

 _Book 1: The Crimson Destiny that Ties Them Together_

 _The diviner in the village foresaw that the young Megurin, a talented child from a clan of powerful magicians, was destined for many great things…_

 _...But, the diviner told this child that before she can fulfill her true destiny, she must meet a certain man and become his lover…_

 _The child who cared only about magic and didn't have an ounce of girl power and general femininity, was not interested in this prophecy._

" _As long as I can cast my explosion magic once a day and I get to eat at least one meal a day, I don't care if I do or don't meet this man…"_

 _This tsundere would say such things even though she can sometimes be seen looking longingly at the flowers growing around the village during springtime, like some kind of maiden._

 _...At last, it was time for young Megurin to leave the village._

 _Reminded of the diviner's prophecy, the child carried a faint hope in her tsundere heart that she would find her destined lover…_

 _And so, eventually, she came across a young man…_

" _Ah, is that a loli! Kekekeke! I love lolis! Come over here, you loli! Let me sniff you!"_

 _...Yes the destined lover of young Megurin turned out to be the most despicable pervert in the land. It is said that he can't be seen in public without a pair of stolen panties in his grasp..._

 _All the women he's ever met abhors him. Truly, he is a despicable man who will cover young ladies in slimy substances and force them to take baths with him._

 _However, just like a wife who has become deluded about the wicked nature of her husband after many years of abuse, Megurin overlooked this man's many faults and quickly became smitten by him…_

" _...Even though he always looks at other women including my rival and a slutty noblewoman with a lewd body, I can't help but become attracted to him…"_

 _And so… As the diviner foretold… Megurin, along with this man, has accomplished great merits indeed…!_

 _But… At what cost…?_

 _Ah, pitiful Megurin… Your maiden heart has been enslaved by the guiles of this lascivious man!_

 _Megurin, you are a slave of not only your Crimson Destiny, but also, this tragic love!_

 _...And so they hooked up and gave birth to a bunch of beautiful children._

 _It was a happy ending after all!_

 _The End_

"..."

I stared at the pages for a while.

There were many things to say about this story, including that half-assed ending, but aside from that, there was one big problem...

...No matter how you read this, it's very obvious who this story is inspired from.

...That Arue…!

I thought that she was just a mild-mannered girl but she turned out to be quite problematic!

I should have known better. That cool side of her was just a ruse.

She was a Crimson Demon, alright! A part of that clan full of idiots suffering from Eight grade syndrome!

Getting up, I made my way over to the door, exiting my room. I kept walking until I was right outside the room the girls were staying in.

The sound of their giggling could be heard from outside.

Ah, good for them.

Getting along like this. How pleasant.

"Open lock."

The door opened with my thief skill 'Open lock'.

"Hm? Kazuma? Why are you here? Um… Y-You didn't happen to hear what we were talking about just now, did you?"

For some reason, Megumin looked a bit panicked when she saw me.

The girls were arranged in a circle and seemed to have been gossiping about who knows what before I came in.

"Ah, Kazuma-san. What is it? Did you have business with me?"

Arue was looking as stoic as ever, but she was already reaching for her wand, which she had placed beside her.

It was almost as if she had been expecting my visit...

"Steal!"

But, before she made her move, her wand appeared in my hand after a quick activation of 'Steal'.

Darkness suddenly stood and confronted me.

"Kazuma?! What's the big deal?!"

To the incensed Darkness who got up in my face, I said,

"I don't know. Why don't you ask the writer-san who described you as ' _a slutty noblewoman with a lewd body'_?"

"What… What are you going on about now?!"

After being referred to with such words without any context to explain it, Darkness gave me a look of rising vexation.

"Wait… Wait! It isn't me! Have you read Arue's novella yet?! It's from her! She's the one who called Darkness a no good noblewoman whose only redeemable trait is the way her gigantic breasts stay firm even when they should be all saggy and wrinkly considering Darkness's increasing age!"

Darkness was so shocked by my words that she just looked at me with her mouth gaping.

"...I don't think I've ever used those words anywhere."

Arue said as she gave up on looking for a way out.

Even when cornered like this, her expression remained jaded.

On the contrary, Dodonko and Funifura began to huddle together as they slowly retreated away from the circle.

Specifically, they were moving away from Megumin.

...So they knew.

Megumin stood and went over to a closet, opened it, and pulled out her travel bag.

She rummaged inside the pockets of the bag and pulled out her copy of the novella.

With great interest, she started reading.

As she was a quick reader, it didn't take long for her face to stiffen and for her eyes to start glowing dangerously red.

All of us started backing away from Megumin.

"Hm? What's Megumin reading? Let me take a look!"

The childish Aqua who would throw a fit if she felt like she was being excluded from something, snatched the novella from Megumin's hands.

She read from the place Megumin was reading,

"..." _Ah, is that a loli! Kekekeke! I love lolis! Come over here, you loli! Let me sniff you!"_ "

The room became deathly silent after Aqua's narration.

Placing the novella down at chest level, Aqua looked over to me.

"Is this story about Kazuma?"

"Oi, care to tell me how you immediately arrived at that conclusion?"

"Why… Why is Kazuma glaring and walking over to me?! You should be mad at the one who wrote this! Don't shoot the messenger, or so they say!"

Even though Aqua wasn't at fault this time around, habits die hard.

"Darkness darker than black…"

"!"

As I was distracted by Aqua, I forgot about Megumin!

"Hey… Megumin, calm down! Not all of us here is at fault! It's only Arue you want, right?! I mean, I knew about all this and I found the story quite amusing, but I shouldn't die just for that!"

"That's right! Even though I laughed for ten minutes straight once I pieced two and two together, doesn't mean that you should take your anger out on me! Blame Arue! Just Arue!"

Dodonko and Funifura should have known Megumin enough to know that such words would just provocate her. And yet they couldn't help but say those unnecessary things.

In light of all this, Arue remained cool...

She merely stood from her spot and looked straight at Megumin in the eyes.

"Megumin, it seems that I have some explaining to do…"

Her method worked, as Megumin stopped chanting once Arue addressed her directly.

"You see… Megumin… When I write, I draw inspiration from my own life. And when the topic or theme requires experiences that exceed my own… Sometimes I turn to other sources. It is difficult to write about things you don't know anything about, after all. And so, when you sent those letters to me about your life as an adventurer, the writer in me couldn't help but take inspiration from such a wonderful and exciting story..."

Arue paused and took the chance to narrow her eyes into a gaze of faraway contemplation.

It was all very dramatic.

And obviously phony.

"...I see… A wonderful and exciting story… Indeed my life could be described as such…"

"Yes… That's right. Megumin who is the only one in our age group living a life filled with adventure and romance, one that is like a novella itself, you could say that Megumin is the perfect muse, no?"

Weaving such flattery with her silver tongue, Arue had Megumin completely wrapped around her finger.

"...Hm? Megumin and romance? Oh is this related to what we were talking about earlier? So… So to Kazuma… Megumin is really…?! Kazuma… Megumin… Kazuma x Megumin… Kazumin?! I must… I must tell the others!"

Aqua stood with wide eyes and frantically looked about in search for the drinking buddies she'd gossip with, even though they were miles away, in Axel.

Even as she made a lot of noise, Aqua was ignored.

"I'm glad Megumin approves. After all, this story is due for publication."

"!"

Saying this out of nowhere, Arue only casually smiled.

"What did you say?! What is with this nonsense! Wasn't Arue only just selling this flimsy booklet at Magecon earlier?! Publication?! How could that be!"

"I have a problem with this too since this story is also supposedly about me."

Actually, I was more troubled with how Arue and now even Aqua and Darkness had caught on to this… 'Thing' that was going on with me and Megumin.

Well…

...I should have been more disturbed by all this, now that I think about it.

Tastelessly denying everything. Freaking out like the cliched male protagonists.

But, really, it didn't seem as bad as I imagined… Everyone just putting two and two all of a sudden.

What did I suspect would happen, anyways?

Darkness already had her suspicions. She was honest with me about them a few days ago, when we had that talk before her marriage meeting.

The only one who was completely clueless before now was Aqua.

And that much was expected, anyways.

So… When it actually happened…

'What was I worried about, then?'

It was that kind of feeling.

...But, this publication thing is another matter!

That bastardized version of events had no business being out there for anyone to read!

"The deal is already finalized. Anyways, Megumin shouldn't worry. I took great care not to use her name."

"Please tell me how changing one letter makes any difference. Anyone with half a brain cell can tell the difference between 'Megurin' and 'Megumin'!"

"...You know, I can't decide which is the weirder name of the two."

I said even as Megumin gave me a glare.

 **Part 6**

Later that night...

"You're still awake?"

Approaching from behind was Darkness.

"Yeah. I see that Darkness is wearing her slutty negligee even in a place like this, huh?"

"It's not negligee! This is just a normal night gown isn't it?!"

Or so she said, but even the most tame outfits looked like the clothing of a succubus when worn by Darkness.

As I couldn't sleep after all that excitement, I went to a veranda overlooking the sight of the city at night.

I'd been idling in this spot for half an hour now.

Apparently, Darkness was the same and had been wandering around the castle before she spotted me.

"Well, an Eris for your thoughts?"

She gave me a knowing smile as she joined me.

"...I'll let you guess."

"Still thinking about earlier, right?"

I nodded without looking away from the sights.

"Megumin was surprisingly calm about it in the end, even though she had been so riled up."

"She _is_ the most levelheaded one in our group."

"Yes, but that's not the case when she does get riled up."

"That's true."

Darkness propped her elbows onto the ledge of the veranda and glanced at me sideways.

"What?"

I couldn't help but feel uneasy as she stared at me like that.

"You and Megumin… Isn't it kind of official now?"

"Is… Is it?"

"Well… The method was quite unorthodox, but it's out in the open now."

Darkness said, echoing the thoughts I had earlier.

"Really… That Arue… You guys just do whatever the hell you want, huh?"

"Well, Kazuma should be grateful. If all that didn't happen, maybe things wouldn't progress as fast as they are now."

"...How things are progressing is none of your business. Really, there's a process to all this, you know?"

"Ah, Kazuma is a boy, after all."

Darkness said with a sigh and her breath came out as a faint fog in the evening chill.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you worry about things like love way too much."

"Don't you have it switched up? It's girls who would normally care a lot about things like that."

"Well, let's put it this way… Megumin is sleeping peacefully right now while Kazuma is out here brooding under the starlight."

"..."

When did Darkness become so insightful?

Even Aqua… These girls only seem to catch on at times when it would inconvenience me.

Aren't they just doing whatever the hell they wanted?

Normally, in anime and manga, the side characters would only be privy to these things after the confession.

But the order is all messed up.

"I'm curious… Someone like Kazuma… For him to do things like fall in love, especially with another human being, is quite frankly nothing short of a miracle. How did it come about?"

"Darkness is talking about me as if I were the deviant. Things like that should come naturally to one who is as sane and rational as me."

"...Is Kazuma implying that I'm somehow insane and irrational?"

…So this insane and irrational girl is not aware?

"Still… What is it that Kazuma likes about Megumin?"

"She's a bishoujo."

"W-Well… I guess physical attraction is a big factor…"

Darkness seemed conflicted. She seemed like she wanted to tell me off, but looked uncertain as she wasn't fully acclimated to the norms of commoners.

"...I guess… I can't really pin any one thing down because… There's a lot of things? I mean, what separates romantic affection from, say, the purely platonic kind? Things like a desire for physical intimacy… Though if that were merely the case, then wouldn't Darkness suffice?"

"Idiot. Why are you making it seem like physical relations with me is so easily attainable? Saying things like 'Darkness will suffice'..."

"Oh? I always thought that Darkness would one day unleash all of her pent up desires and assault me..."

"Where are you getting all these ideas from?! I'd never even dare sleep in the same room with a beast like Kazuma, even if we were somehow detained together!"

Darkness sighed and said something like, 'You keep avoiding the question.'

She finally averted her intense gaze and looked up at the starry sky.

"Something like… Enjoying her company in a different way than I would with someone else. And how being around her feels natural… Kind of like that?"

Admitting all this out loud, the things that were so difficult to think about came out so naturally.

"...Uwaa~ Saying such sappy things so confidently, since when did Kazuma become a character like that? Somehow I really want to punch Kazuma in the face right now."

I smiled. Then I suddenly stuck out my tongue and winked at Darkness.

"U mad? Is Salty-ness mad? How's it like to be forever alone?"

"...Grit your teeth."

"Gah!"

 **Part 7**

It turns out that Arue wasn't kidding about the publication.

She had a meeting with the publisher and announced that the publication and printing was scheduled within the year.

'The Chronicles of the Crimson Lovers' will be available in all major bookstores in the country.

If this was Japan, I wonder if a big name company like K*dok*wa would have picked it up.

At the same time, a compromise was reached between Megumin and Arue.

The very obvious name of 'Megurin' was replaced with something else.

Some details were also omitted.

I haven't seen the final draft, but Megumin approved of it, so I didn't worry about the matter any further.

After a few days, it was time for Arue, Dodonko and Funifura to return to the Crimson Demon village.

"...It was eventful and troublesome at times, but it was somewhat fun."

Megumin said these vague words as we said our farewells to her school friends.

"If Megumin feels like it, please feel free to send me more letters about your life. I could use some more inspiration for the second installment of 'Chronicles of the Crimson Lovers'"

"...From now on, I will be cutting off all correspondence with you lot."

Next, it was Dodonko and Funifura's turn.

For some reason they looked at me before regarding Megumin.

"We… We won't lose!" x 2

"Yeah, whatever, just leave already."

"...We should have expected as much from Megumin."

With the farewells out of the way, they started chanting teleportation magic.

"Ah, wait a moment!"

Sprinting towards us was Prince Jatis.

Panting slightly as he caught up to us, he handed Arue a letter.

Arue looked at the letter and then to the prince.

"...Um, I'm sorry, but I can't accept this love letter, even if you are royalty. I hardly know you."

"...That's not it. Although your age is around my strike zone, your old hag body type sure isn't. It's a letter from my father, addressed to your village chief."

While we were all curious about the contents of this letter, Arue merely pocketed it in her robes and said 'thank you'.

She didn't even bat an eyelash at the prince casually calling her an 'old hag'.

And so, without any further interruptions, they vanished into the light of teleportation magic.

As the last of the light diminished, Aqua stretched her arms and said,

"Ah, although it's nice to have visitors once in a while, it's always good just to have your own home to yourself."

"Isn't it about time for lunch already? I am quite famished. Let's eat and then laze about for the entire day."

"...Um, we've tried to avoid having to come to this, but…"

As we leisurely headed back to the palace that we've come to regard as our second home recently, the prince began to speak up,

"...Can you guys leave already?"

We were finally being kicked out.

…

…

As I was packing my bags, I heard a knock on my room.

"It's open."

"...It's me, onii-sama…"

Peeking through the door was my beloved imouto, Iris.

"Oh? Come to say goodbye? Very well. Since I haven't been able to spend much time with Iris even though we were finally reunited, let's cuddle up in bed while I tell you stories, like we used to do…"

"When did that happen?! Well, some of it is true, but onii-sama worded that really strangely! Onii-sama is sus AF!"

Transitioning quickly from the meek way she was peeking at me, Iris suddenly raised her voice.

Despite being teased, Iris slowly closed the door shut and entered the room.

"Oi. Do you think this is a good idea? Claire will have my head if she sees you night-raiding me like this."

"I'm doing no such thing! And it's still noon, anyways! This is my reward for finishing my lessons early!"

Iris gave me a face of a child wanting to be praised.

"Good job. Iris is a good girl."

"...As if I'd be happy with such weak flattery and condescension."

"O-Oh."

Not even acting all tsundere about it, Iris actually looked kind of offended.

After I cleared the miscellaneous items strewn about on my bed, which I was trying to stuff in my luggage, she took a seat on the foot of the bed.

I sat beside her.

"Um… A lot of things happened since I last meet onii-sama…"

She smiled slightly, though her brows were furrowed in uncertainty.

"Well, yes…"

At least, that was the case on my side.

Dealing with Maouko and her forces, retrieving artifacts with Chris and Aqua, fighting Mystic Spiders, dealing with shrewd merchants… Somehow, even after the defeat of the Devil King, life got even more hectic.

I couldn't imagine that Iris got up to too many things within the confines of these castle walls. My life, on the contrary, was a non-stop series of eventful happenings.

Which life was preferable, I wonder?

The safe, sheltered life of a princess...

Or the dangerous, chaotic, largely unpredictable days of an adventurer?

"I have a feeling that onii-sama is thinking about something else… What I mean is… Things have been different with onii-sama… And a certain party member..."

"O-Oh…"

So even Iris knew now.

I suppose we were being fairly loud that one night, and Iris's room was pretty much in the same floor.

Or, maybe, it really was that obvious.

Or maybe someone told her. In way of gossip, by Aqua, or maybe Megumin was flaunting to Iris about her 'love life' like she did with Arue.

"Well, how do I explain this? Even I don't really understand it all completely…"

My default response was to say a cliched line that every oblivious harem male lead has resorted to.

Even if I've somewhat come to an understanding about my own feelings.

Something like casually admitting it was still beyond me.

Really, I thought I'd be better at this.

"So… I guess onii-sama isn't denying it."

With a smile that was obviously conflicted, Iris stood and started heading towards the door.

Don't… Don't tell me…

Looking so sad...

"...Somehow… I've accumulated a harem…?"

"Who?! Who has a harem and who exactly is a part of it?! Even if onii-sama is onii-sama, don't think you can be pardoned so easily after saying such scandalous things about royalty!"

The gentle Iris who spoke at a voice that was just above a whisper suddenly broke into a rage.

With her sudden outburst, Claire, who must have been carefully listening some ways away, smashed the door open and entered with her sword drawn.

"Just give me the word Princess Iris and I'll kill that scum!"

Practically foaming at the mouth, that mad dog was about ready to maul me!

Behind her, still fulfilling her duty, but by much more sensible means, was Rain.

"Um… I'm sure this is just a big misunderstanding, so please don't be so quick to throw around death threats, Claire-san…"

Realizing the commotion she'd made, Iris blushed and lowered her head.

"For… For my unreasonable conduct, I do apologize, onii… I mean, Satou-sama. If… If you will excuse me…"

Still flushed and embarrassed, Iris started heading out.

Rain glanced at me and smiled apologetically, while Claire lingered for a few seconds to give me a death stare.

Eventually, they followed Iris out.

"..."

Not knowing exactly what to think or do about that situation, I moved to close the door.

Only to find that Claire had unhinged the damn thing.

"Gah!"

I moved out of the way just in time before the door frame fell on me.

"...Um… Is this a bad time?"

Standing outside, wearing her travel gear, was Megumin.

"I was about to visit you but then I heard yelling and Iris came out of your room, followed by her guards. She looked really embarrassed for some reason. Did you sexually harass her, or something? Ah, not that I care, but if she tells her daddy, you'll be in a lot of trouble."

It felt bad to talk about Iris behind her back like this.

So I quickly changed the subject.

"...So… We'll be heading back."

"...It seems so… Is Kazuma all packed up and ready?"

"I was interrupted by Iris's visit… But yeah… Just about."

"Ah. That's good."

"Yeah…"

"..." x 2

We're both completely clueless at this.

In the meantime, I invited Megumin to take a seat somewhere.

She avoided the bed and sat on top of a study desk.

Slightly swinging her legs, her hands holding the edge of the desk...

"...Let's talk."

 **Chapter 19 END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting This Lonely Girl With a Fake Boyfriend!**

…

…

 **R.I.P. Billy 'Aniki' Herrington** **(July 14, 1969 – March 2, 2018)**

 **You will always be the boss of my gym.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: Gifting this Lonely Girl with a Fake Boyfriend!**

 **...**

 **Editing** **and supervision: LordVTP**

 **...**

 **Part 1**

"...Let's talk."

Megumin said as she sat on the desk.

Her hair had grown longer these days.

They would hang over her eyes when she tilted her chin down.

But her bright red eyes still shone through her bangs.

"No, wait. Can we have a redo? Let's switch places. Here, stand over here, and I'll sit over there."

Confused by my request, Megumin still did as she was told and switched places with me.

I took her spot, sitting atop the desk while swinging my legs back and forth.

To Megumin who was still looking at me in confusion, I tilted my head down.

With my bangs hanging down over my eyes.

"...Let's talk."

"Wait, that's what you meant?! Why are you reenacting it?!"

Megumin finally lost her facade of composure as she wailed on me.

"It's not fair if Megumin takes the initiative all the time, right? So it's only fair if I take the lead this time, right?"

"There is no way that Kazuma is not aware of how ridiculous you're sounding right now! Just shut up and get down from there already!"

Even though I'm just trying to make things even between us.

"Anyways, let us not digress. I know how these things can go with Kazuma. Let's not make it any more complicated than it has to be. Here, I brought a diagram with me…"

After lecturing me, Megumin took out a rolled up poster paper from out of nowhere.

She unfolded the poster paper.

There was a complex looking diagram drawn on the blueprint like paper.

"This is a comprehensive diagram detailing the progression of our relationship."

"I see, I see. So Megumin is blaming me for making things complicated and then you go ahead and do this."

"It's… It's easier to follow than it seems! Here, let's follow the first stage over here. The first night we spent together in my hometown. I feel this is where it really started…"

"Ah, the first of many blue-balling nights. Yes, I remember it well."

"Don't make it seem like all I do is play with your emotions! I told you that was just a misunderstanding! Regarding our nightly routine, I just wanted to improve our relationship in a way that was still considered chaste and appropriate…"

Ah, really. This maiden.

This is the difference between guys and girls.

Megumin can act like she is on a high ground.

But I'd like to see her deal with the 'hardship' my 'son' always causes me.

As she explained, the diagram detailed the various times when our relationship 'progressed'.

For her it seemed that these events were monumental accomplishments.

For me they were just one blue-balling mishap after another.

"...As you can see, at this point in time, I think we have advanced through enough stages… Does Kazuma know what this means?"

Keeping track of the flags and progress points.

What did Megumin think this was, an eroge?

"I think you're going too far with this diagram, but I understand what Megumin is getting at."

Common sense dictates that she's saying something like 'let's date'.

The others already know about this 'thing' going on between us.

We haven't addressed the matter as a group, but it's pretty much out there.

And as Megumin said, we've progressed past the point of uncertainty.

Awkwardly stealing glances at one another.

Clumsily flirting while worrying about personal boundaries or going too far.

Toiling away with internal conflict and personal insecurity.

All those cliche events, I've had my share already.

If I was a normie, I imagine that things would be much easier.

Those normies who search for love via smartphone dating apps.

Having correspondence for a week and then already meeting up IRL.

And then after another week, they're practically married.

Meanwhile, it's already been several months since Megumin and I acknowledged that there was 'something' going on between us.

At the same time, allowing ourselves to entertain the idea that things may develop further.

Good grief.

I'm in an alternate world where magic and cliched fantasy creatures like dragons and goblins exist.

I'm no longer the NEET I was back in Japan.

I'm still a NEET at heart, but I am supposedly a badass hero right now.

A man who is renowned and wealthy shouldn't be brooding over such juvenile concerns.

I should be drowning in women.

"..."

But I'm not that kind of person.

Freaking out over one girl.

I guess that's the kind of herbivore male I am.

However.

Rather than a beta male…

I'm already like 'Chad' now, aren't I?

Successful in all aspects of life.

Whether it is in the financial sense or in terms of reputation and legacy.

Not Scum-zuma or Crap-uma.

Call me Chad-zuma.

And so…

"...I've decided."

I suddenly turned to Megumin.

Face to face with one another.

Her eyes were wavering, but she didn't retreat.

"...Kazuma?"

Looking her right in the eyes…

"...I'm tired of being a herbivore beta male."

"E-Eh?"

"...I'm a carnivore now. Give me some of that Megu-meat. Rawr."

"What the hell are you saying?! Kazuma spent quite a bit of time staring into space in deep contemplation and this is the result?! Why can't you ever be serious for once!"

"Now, what is the price for this lavish cut of meat, oji-san? This tenderloin that has a nice meaty shade of crimson. Oh, there's a barcode somewhere I can scan? Where is it? Here?"

"Where are you touching?! By 'barcode' does Kazuma mean the tattoo that every Crimson Demon clansman have in their body since birth?!"

Somehow this somewhat serious moment turned into the usual harassment.

While backing away from me somewhat, Megumin sighed and said,

"If Kazuma is already saying all that, then you get where I'm going with this, right? Progressing further… Something like that… Ah, but I'm not talking about going so far as to immediately engage in mature activities, like Kazuma was passionately ranting about last time. Something like that… Come to think of it, we haven't even had a proper date, have we?"

Going on many tangents, Megumin breathlessly arrived at that conclusion.

"Hold on, talking about going on a date, so am I really… Like 'that' with Megumin now?"

"...Let's not go that far… Something like… More than friends, less than…"

"Wah, wah, wah, I can't hear you!"

I covered my ears with my hands.

"What is… What's wrong with Kazuma now?!"

"I know where you're heading with this! I refuse to be friend-zoned! I don't want to be a Beta male anymore! I'm already red-pilled, OK?!"

"Friend-zo…? I don't really know what that means exactly but I have a good idea… That's not what I'm saying, though! Recklessly jumping into things… Isn't it a good idea to go a bit slowly…?"

"Slowly?! What do you think the last half a year of prancing about and toeing the line between 'friends' and 'lovers' have been if not slow?! Ah, I admit that I'm indecisive at times, too, but I've already had enough of that! If Megumin is willing to say it clearly now, I promise to stop acting like those goddamned cliched MCs who haven't got an ounce of assertiveness in their body! Megumin should know a bit of what I feel already right?! Haven't you already been bragging to everyone about how good your 'love life' is already?! Your tall tales are getting published by Arue as we speak! Why is Megumin so conceited in her bragging with everyone else but she turns into a naive maiden whenever it comes time to actually do anything?!"

It all came out.

Breathless from my long speech, I started panting.

"...I-I understand where Kazuma is going with this but… If I just go on ahead and say that we are… lovers, I know that Kazuma will get too excited and expect all sorts of things from me… Physically, I mean. You won't be able to help yourself. But… If you agree to being 'more than friends, less than lovers'... We'll be able to take it slow, I mean with the intimate, mature activities. Starting out with holding hands… Or cuddling. Stuff like that."

Blushing heavily now while her eyes were sparkling a dazzling red.

Megumin started muttering at the end of her explanation.

"...So you're saying that if I agree to be 'more than friends, less than lovers', I'll be able to do standard couple stuff with Megumin, like hugging and holding hands? Will… Will you really?"

"Yeah, I promise… It'll be a give-and-take exchange for your willingness to wait."

"...I refuse."

"W-What?!"

"One of my absolute favorite things to do is to tell someone who I think is blue-balling me, 'no'."

"?!"

Faced with my emphatic rejection, Megumin just stared at me with her mouth hanging.

"...I can't just agree to that! That's crazy! Has Kazuma finally gone insane?! You always bully Aqua about her intelligence but you're the real idiot aren't you?! I don't care what kind of epiphany you had about being an 'alpha' or whatever, it's not like I'll go all the way just because you suddenly act a bit more assertively! Eh, what's Kazuma doing…?"

It's finally happening.

The alpha male genes that have been latent in me is finally awakening.

And I've been working out recently, too.

I've become 'swole'.

"Haaaaahhhh! Haaahhhh!"

While flexing my muscles I started roaring with masculine ferocity.

"?!"

Megumin stood and started retreating towards the window.

She looked at me with growing apprehension.

"Kazuma?!"

"I've surpassed my Beta male form and ascended to an Alpha male! And this is to go even further beyond! Ahhhhhhhh!"

"Kazuma you're scaring me! Calm down! Gah…!"

Megumin yelped a little as she backed up all the way to the window.

A dead end.

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

"Ah, somebody help me!"

While roaring, I charged towards Megumin.

"Steal! Steal! Steal!"

"Stoooop! Noooo! I'm going to be assaulted!"

With Megumin's clothing in my hands, she was now clad only in her underwear.

Seeing a half-naked Megumin that is mine for the taking, my heart started pounding.

Adrenaline coursing through my veins.

"I can't… Take this anymore…!"

At the peak of my sexual repression I leapt into the air.

And then I dove towards my prey!

"...Wait a minute. I'm stronger than Kazuma with my stats, right?"

"...Oh, right."

As I was descending upon her, Megumin came to that realization.

Smiling smugly, she stuck her hand out.

"Mmph!"

She squashed my face and stopped the momentum of my dive.

"Ora!"

And then she heaved me over her head…

...Towards the window.

"Wah!"

Crash!

My body was sent hurling through the broken glass of the window.

"Ah…"

I made eye contact with Megumin just as I was at the apex of her throw.

She stared at me in shock as if just realizing what she had done.

"Kazumaaaaa….!"

She cried out as she peeked her head out of the window, stretching a hand towards my falling self.

"..."

At this point, I had faced death so many times that I didn't feel any despair.

"Gack!"

That didn't stop me from making that sound when I finally hit the ground.

 **Part 2**

"...Hello, Kazuma-san."

"...Long time no see, Eris-sama…"

Rather predictably, I ended up in Eris-sama's realm.

She is pouting at me and didn't look pleased at all.

Perhaps she had seen me lose my cool and attack Megumin?

If that's so… Ah, how embarrassing.

"...You guys didn't visit me…"

"...Eh?"

"Hmph!"

She turned her head away while pouting.

...That's actually kinda cute.

"I don't get it. What's Eris-sama mad about?"

"Hah?! Did you forget already?! Aside from my identity as the chief goddess of this nation, I'm also your big boss and friend, Chris, right? You don't remember?! It's me, it's me!"

"Yes, I know that. I didn't forget."

"I see. Now, tell me, Kazuma-san, you and your party, where are you staying right now in the real world?"

"...The capital…"

Oh, that's right.

I just started to remember.

"Did you actually forget?! Even after we had that touching goodbye, and it seemed as if senpai actually started to care about me, saying such sweet words like 'We'll visit you in the capital soon!', the natural assumption would have been to seek me out as soon as you arrived in the capital, right?! How could you! You guys are monsters!"

"S-Sorry…"

Unable to provide any valid excuses, I bowed my head.

With everything that was going on…

We forgot that Chris had stationed herself in the capital.

"...And don't think I'll overlook your little stunt with Megumin-san. Ah, really. A sinner like you, tell me why I should let you come back down again!"

"I can't tell if Eris-sama is joking right now so can you please stop?!"

Just when I thought Eris-sama was actually being serious, her lips twitched into a smile.

"Tee-hee-hee… Puwah!"

Unable to contain it anymore, her laughter escaped.

"...Ah, don't get me wrong. I'm still mad that you guys forgot about me."

"Oh. Right…"

There was a bit of an awkward pause.

"So… You and Megumin-san, huh?"

Eris-sama asked while smiling slightly.

If everyone already knows about it, of course a goddess would as well

Why can't everyone just mind their own business?

"S-So... What has Eris-sama been up to in the capital?"

I was eager to change the subject to a less awkward one.

"...I have been trying to hunt down this devil I encountered in the capital… One with a weird mask…"

"O-Oh, is that so…?"

By that, she doesn't mean…

"An annoying and arrogant devil who claims to see the future… That smug bastard! When I get my hands on him I'll XXXX and XXXXX and XXXXX until he XXXXX!"

"Eris-sama?!"

The normally gentle Eris-sama unleashed a torrent of foul words.

She then left me alone and asked me to wait.

When she came back, she was pulling with her a cork board on wheels.

Pinned on it were various pictures.

A red string was tacked on and appeared to connect certain pictures to one another.

It looked like something straight out of some cliche detective movie.

Eris-sama pointed to a blurred picture and said,

"...Look at this. The profile… The arrogant demeanor. It's clearly him. The devil I'm chasing. He was seen here, and then here. And then if you follow the trail... I'm convinced that he lives here! He can't fool me! I'm always a step ahead! I'm woke!"

She turned to me with her eyes popping out.

"I'm certain! That devil. I swear to god… I swear to myself. I will XXXX and XXX and with my XXXX I will XXXX until he XXXXX and even XXXXX."

Is this goddess right in the head?

The usually composed Eris-sama started acting like Aqua would when encountering an undead.

No, Eris-sama is much worse.

Wait… Devil… All seeing...

Don't tell me that she happened to encounter that part-time devil?

The masked one working in a certain shop that is always on the verge of bankruptcy.

Eris-sama obsesses over devils and undead for some reason.

Entering a state of lunacy when the subject of devils and undead come out.

If she did meet that condescending, con-man devil…

I understood why she is now panting and giving me crazy eyes.

Jutting her finger on random blurred pictures while saying 'look, look, it's him!'

I don't want to choose sides between these two dangerous individuals.

Siding between a creepy devil and a lunatic goddess.

So... I will not say anything about the matter.

Eventually, Eris-sama regained her composure.

"Ah, sorry about that.

She got so riled up, that she even needed to adjust her pads.

Thank you for giving me a free show.

"...Oi, Kazuma! I'm done healing your body! Tell kouhai to bring you back!"

When Aqua's voice boomed throughout the room, Eris-sama's face twitched.

"...That senpai! Oi, senpai! How come you never bothered to visit me in the capital at all?!"

Eris-sama then looked to me.

She expected me to relay the message.

"Aqua! Eris-sama wants to know why you never bothered to visit her in the capital!"

There was a pause.

"I forgot!"

"I know you forgot! What I want to know is why?! Am I really so nondescript and my presence so insubstantial that I am forgotten so easily?! Please tell me, senpai!"

Eris-sama looked towards me again.

"Um, she seems very mad, Aqua!"

"The whole thing! You have to say the whole thing!"

Please leave me alone already.

I'm not sure what to make of this strange encounter with Eris-sama.

So I just went along and relayed her message.

Eventually, Eris-sama began to come down from her rage.

"...It seems like senpai is just about done healing Kazuma-san. Right now they have all teleported back to Axel. And… Um, I'll let Kazuma-san find out himself."

That sounded very ominous.

"...Sorry again for forgetting about Eris-sama."

"It's OK~ Just don't make it a habit or even I will get mad~ Tee-hee~"

Eris-sama isn't your face kind of twitching right now?

And it doesn't matter how cutesy you make your voice sound.

I can tell that you're actually quite mad?

"Farewell, Kazuma-san! Don't forget about me next time!"

This time, Eris-sama's adorable wink sent shivers of fright along my spine.

...When I returned to consciousness in the real world.

I found myself before the three girls.

Looking around, I saw the familiar sight of our living room.

I tried to move, but found that my movement was restricted.

A tight grip around my torso…

They took the rope I use for the 'Bind' skill.

Tying me up with it.

And here I am, kneeling before them.

"Kazuma…!"

Darkness said while seething.

Aqua was cracking her knuckles while looming over me.

Her eyes were glowing…!

Megumin was the only one who didn't seem like she wanted to beat me up.

But she was still avoiding my gaze.

She seemed content in allowing those two to have free reign on me.

"Wait… Ah, you three must be angry about that little incident! But, wait, I can explain…!"

"It's alright to kill him a bit, Darkness. I can always bring him back from the grave."

"Ah, that's right isn't it? Then I will rely on you."

This is too scary!

"...Um, seeing him like this is a bit sad. Maybe we can hear Kazuma out? He seemed desperate at the time. Maybe Kazuma wasn't in the right state of mind…"

I was saved by this little blue balling temptress.

Even though she got me into this mess in the first place.

Darkness and Aqua eventually saw reason.

I was still tied up but at least the mood is less hostile.

But…

Darkness asked us to give her half an hour to get something.

Then she returned with a familiar looking item.

"That is…!"

"...Let the trial begin."

"!"

Presented before me was the troublesome magic lie detector from before.

 **Part 3**

"...And that, your honor, is why I think Kazuma is the biggest scumbag and disgrace to decent human beings everywhere."

Aqua said as she finished her testimony against me.

Somehow, a trial to determine my innocence was commenced in our living room.

"Thank you, Aqua. You clearly spent a lot of effort thinking about this. I see you even have a pile of manuscript readily available for this impromptu testimony. However, I don't see what any of your personal grievances against Kazuma's character has to do with what we're doing right now..."

"Oh, sorry. I just felt that this was a good opportunity to vent."

"Ah, I see. So someone doesn't mind selling croquettes again just to get by, huh?"

"I'm sorry Kazuma-san!"

I pushed away the lunging Aqua who intended to embrace my legs.

"Ahem… I think that concludes Aqua's testimony."

"Wah! But this is fun! I want to keep going!"

Aqua complained like a brat who was excluded from an activity.

Which is essentially what she is.

"We should just move on to the interrogation."

Turning to me with a cold gaze, Darkness said,

"...Kazuma… Did you intend to force yourself upon Megumin…?"

She started off with a hard question…!

"No..."

Ding! Ding! Ding!

"..." x 4.

"In that moment I lost my cool! Really, that's all it was! I'm not like that at all!"

We all looked at the bell.

It didn't ring.

"So it's really like that after all. My intuition as a Crimson Demon is never wrong."

Megumin said as she nodded to herself.

"...But still… Now that we have the opportunity… There are important matters that need addressing..."

Darkness said while smiling shrewdly.

Megumin and I both sensed what was coming and looked at each other in a panic.

"The 'secret' is already out. Megumin admitted as much during our 'Girls night' sessions. It's only Aqua who hasn't pieced it together until now. The point is, we haven't talked it over as a group yet. And from the conflict earlier, it looks like you two haven't completely figured everything out, either. So… Care to tell us what exactly is going on between you two?"

What had been an interrogation suddenly turned into some kind of marriage counselling.

As if just remembering about the epiphany she had last night…

Aqua stood up from her seat and looked between Megumin and I.

"That's… That's right! It somehow eluded my keen perception all this time, but there's some kind of romance brewing between the loli and the pervert, isn't there?!"

I was feeling so tense that I couldn't retaliate to Aqua's insult.

It was the same for Megumin who was not used to unexpected situations.

Trembling violently, she started walking away from us.

"I still haven't unpacked my luggage so I should go and do that!"

She started to run away.

This loli is actually leaving me to fend for myself!

"Hold it!"

The workhorse Darkness caught up to the sprinting Megumin.

Even with Megumin's increased stats.

Catching the retreating Megumin in a hold.

"Let… Let go of me Darkness! I'm a woman already! Don't treat me like a child and let go of me this instant!"

Darkness did not relent and held on to the squirming Megumin.

"...A real woman doesn't run away from her problems! Now, stay still!"

"No!"

"Very well then… You leave me no choice… Hehe…"

"...'Hehe'?..."

 **Part 4**

...A few minutes had passed.

"..." x 2.

Standing over us was Darkness and Aqua.

"Is this really necessary? Kazuma, your hand is touching a weird place…"

"Darkness, we promise to behave, so untie us, please. And Megumin, your hand is also touching a weird place, so just bear with it like I am right now."

"So you say, but isn't Kazuma enjoying this?"

Just a little bit.

Darkness decided that it was necessary to tie us up.

Back-to-back, our torsos were tied together.

"Hehe. I'm so jealous… I… I mean, now then, let us begin with our discussion…"

Darkness seemed to be enjoying herself as well.

Meanwhile, Aqua was standing by the side with a notebook and pen in hand.

"I'm writing notes so I won't forget a single detail! I must report to the others at the guild!"

And now the situation has completely gotten out of hand.

"What you must know is that I am not doing this to humiliate you two. Consider this as an intervention. As your friend, I want to sort your relationship problems out. Now, as I said, from our 'Girls' night' and from what I've observed or discussed with Kazuma, I know about the attraction between you two. However, I don't know any of the specifics. S-S-S-So, w-w-w-who confessed first?!"

She sure dropped that act quickly.

Aqua was also watching us intently, scribbling into her notebook.

The magical lie detector and a person scribbling down everything thing I say.

This feels too familiar.

"..."

From behind me, I can feel Megumin's small frame shuddering.

Even though Megumin acts tough, sometimes she acts her age.

Very well.

I have no choice.

I will deal with Darkness.

"This loli here was the first to confess to the great and charming me."

"Eh?! What is Kazuma talking about?! Scumbag!"

Darkness wasn't affected by Megumin's screeching and forged on.

"...I can believe that. Kazuma is too weak willed. He will not take the chance even though the opportunity is presented to him. This is what I've been saying to the female fans who became interested in Kazuma after he became famous…"

So that's why I haven't been popular with females at all?

"Oi! I can't just ignore what you said!"

"I've also been doing my part making sure Kazuma doesn't get a big head! If he gathers too many female fans, he will act even more impertinent than he does now!"

Aqua also admitted something I can't ignore.

Megumin who had been squirming all this while suddenly froze.

I could feel the cold sweat soaking through her clothes.

Has everyone here contributed in cock-blocking me?

"Ahem. Let's get back to the important matters…"

No. This matter of my popularity is also important to me.

Darkness began to circle Megumin and I.

Looking down while walking around us…

She's kind of scaring me.

"So, Megumin confessed first. But how did Megumin start feeling that way, in the first place?"

"...Um, despite what Kazuma said it wasn't really a confession. I just wanted to confirm with Kazuma that there was a certain mood developing between us…"

Ding! Ding! Ding!

"I didn't lie!"

I didn't understand why the bell rang, either.

I was just joking before.

Megumin was the first to acknowledge that there was 'something' going on between us.

She initiated that discussion.

It wasn't really a confession, though.

But, couldn't it be...

While we didn't consider is anything more than a hesitant acknowledgement.

Megumin herself… And I did as well…

We subconsciously accepted it as a confession this whole time.

The magic item sensed our lies before we were even aware of it.

Darkness continued hawking over us.

With the magic item there…

We had no option but to tell the truth.

As if accepting this, Megumin sighed.

I felt her tense shoulders give way behind me.

"...Kazuma… Is the only man I am close to… In that way, due to proximity alone, some attraction will inevitably develop."

I awkwardly turned my neck to look at Megumin.

But, she had her face completely turned away from me.

"If it was just that alone, I wouldn't have allowed my attraction to get in the way of my friendship with him, and more importantly, the ties we have together as a party… The comrades who accepted an inadequate mage like me. I wouldn't have risked injuring the relations of our party just because I developed a little crush."

What… What's going on?

Isn't Megumin pouring her heart out right now?

"...My first impressions of Kazuma was that of a somewhat unreliable but honest person. He seemed innocuous at first. But then, for some inconceivable reason, he started advancing in the ranks of the 'pervert' class."

Wait, isn't she just insulting me?

Even when I started to get my hopes up.

As I was about to tell her off, she continued.

"But then, I began to see the good sides of Kazuma. The parts that aren't obvious, that someone else might take for granted. Even though he has the weakest class, he has taken on many tough opponents. Even though he's regarded as a pervert and scum, he cares about his comrades. Even taking time out of his day to accompany me on my explosion routine. This conflicting part of Kazuma… I became a bit obsessed trying to decipher him."

I just noticed that Darkness and Aqua are now sitting in front of us and eagerly listening.

I couldn't help but be mesmerized by Megumin as well.

"When we went to my hometown, as you both know, Kazuma and I happened to share the same room. Kazuma made a mistake with the accommodations and forgot to include Rain-san."

"..."

"That night, we talked about how we had defeated the devil king. About how surreal that felt, and how it was hard to believe that it actually happened. We also talked about how it would be great to spend our lives in peace, now that we've accomplished our goals and dreams. However, what came after that was the realization that instead of pursuing a distant goal like defeating the devil king… Suddenly I had the rest of my life to worry about. Forming my party, challenging the devil king… Proving myself not only to the world, but myself… I've done all those things. But, what comes next? Where does my destiny lie beyond that of Megumin, Axel's Number One mage, one who has mastered explosion magic?"

She repeated what we talked about that night.

But now I have the full picture of Megumin's thought process at the time.

There were quite similar to my own.

Thinking about 'what comes next'.

"Among other things, I naturally considered the possibility of romance… And beyond that… Making a family. Of course, that is the next stage. And… When I was considering this possibility, it just so happened that I began seeing Kazuma as a prime candidate for all these things. I didn't even notice how he wormed his way in to my considerations. It just… Happened. That, on top of the intimate moments we had in my hometown, including the second night we spent together in my old room… I was so panicked and guarded that night, accusing Kazuma of having malicious intentions. In retrospect, I think I was beginning to accept my feelings, and I knew in advance that if Kazuma were to try something… I wouldn't have been able to resist it… And that scared me a little."

I was the same as Megumin.

Thinking about the next stage of life, making a family.

I had no problems considering Megumin as someone I wouldn't mind making a family with.

I even said to her face 'I want to make babies with Megumin in the future'...

This happened that night when I had the lust of a succubus inside me.

That time when I was backed up and going crazy from my blue balls.

Megumin acted oblivious at the time.

Acting like a total maiden.

Attributing my desire to make a family to my pent up lust.

As if the idea of me wanting her in that way is completely foreign.

But from what she's telling me, Megumin is not completely innocent.

"So… All this time, if I had done something, even with Megumin refusing… Something good could have happened?!"

"Sigh… Kazuma doesn't get how a girl's mind works. We can't simply confess to having those kinds of desires..."

Darkness said this like it's an obvious fact.

Disregarding my status as a clueless virgin.

As if lost in her own world, Megumin was indifferent to our bickering.

"… Beyond all that… Admitting that 'something' was going on between us… Spending the nights talking in bed… Although, apparently Kazuma didn't appreciate the gesture and even went so far as to call my attempts at intimacy a 'blue-balling torture'. And then when we bathed together for a second time…"

Why did she have to mention that now?

Darkness started glaring at me but I avoided her gaze.

"...After all these events… Well, it comes to this now."

Finally, Megumin raised her head.

She turned it.

She looked over her shoulder.

Meeting my gaze.

As we were still tied up, with our heads turned to each other…

Our cheeks touched.

"...I made a mistake. Instead of asking Kazuma if he would like to be 'more than friends, less than lovers'..."

Her eyes shining brilliantly, her lips formed into a breathtaking smile.

"...Kazuma… Come, now, and walk the crimson path of romance with me!"

A stunning declaration.

A heartfelt confession that came out of nowhere.

My heart skipped once before pounding relentlessly.

What is this feeling?

Like… I'm so happy that I could die?

Wait...

"...Hnnnnng!"

I really am dying?!

"...K-Kazuma?! Eh?! Something's wrong with Kazuma?!"

"Breathe, Kazuma! Breathe!"

"Heal! Heal! Heal! ...Nothing's working!"

...Eventually, Darkness and Aqua cut the rope tying us together.

They let me lie on the couch.

"...I knew keeping this little one would come in handy!"

Aqua returned from a quick trip to her room, carrying a jar.

Inside the jar was a snow sprite.

Probably the same one Aqua insisted on keeping after my fatal run in with the Winter Shogun.

"...Hah… Hah… Aqua, you promised to kill that thing. We really needed the money at the time."

"Let's… Let's not worry about matters of the past. Here, let this little one calm you…"

"Ah…! Kazuma often says that Chomusuke is an existence that calms his soul. Here, let Chomusuke rest against your chest…"

Aqua is pressing the jar containing the snow sprite against my forehead.

Meanwhile, Megumin placed Chomusuke on my chest.

"Ahhhh…"

"That was quite the scare. But seeing Kazuma have such a strong reaction to Megumin's confession… Even though Kazuma normally acts like a brute, to think he has such a sensitive side…"

Darkness said while smiling wryly.

"This part of Kazuma is very cute."

Megumin smiled as well and reached down to stroke my hair.

"...Hnnnnng!"

"Megumin! I know that you feel liberated after finally getting all your feelings out of your chest, but if you keep assaulting Kazuma with moe, he will die of a heart attack! So stop it already! Heal! Heal! Heal!"

"Gack… Hack…!"

"Kazuuumaaa!" x 3.

 **Part 5**

...I almost suffered from a cardiac arrest.

Somehow almost murdering me with moe.

How dangerous.

Including explosion magic everything about that girl is lethal.

After tending to me, Aqua left me on my own.

I'm in my room now.

"..."

Thinking about what had just transpired…

"YAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I screamed into the night.

From next door…

"Is Kazuma having another heart attack?! Hold on, Kazuma, I'm coming!"

"Sorry, false alarm!"

"Ah, I'm coming…!"

"I told you I'm fine!"

Wait. The first voice belonged to Aqua.

But the second belonged to Darkness.

And when I listen closer, I can hear the sound of a bed creaking.

...Let's not think too deeply about that.

I found myself laying in bed with my eyes wide open.

Hearing the ticking of my clock.

...What happens from now on?

No, it's obvious what will happen.

Megumin will finally teach me how to use 'explosion' magic.

No, no, why is it always the lewd stuff I latch on to?!

Everytime I bring up lewd things, it always scares Megumin away.

Come to think of it, the specifics of our relationship aren't defined yet.

Even though Megumin already confessed.

The limits of what we can do and what we can't haven't been laid out.

The way this usually goes, this matter will go unaddressed for the foreseeable future.

...But, at least we are making progress.

I would be stupid not to have known that Megumin had those kinds of feelings for me.

But hearing them out loud is a relief.

...No, actually I almost died.

"Uwaa~ Megumin~ You're so forward~ Kyaa~!"

I said while hugging my pillow and rolling around.

"..."

For a man to do this.

Isn't this kind of disgusting?

I placed the pillow back to its place and returned to my normal position.

I couldn't sleep until several more hours.

...The next day.

"...G-G-Good morning, everyone!"

"A-Ah! H-Hello! It's good to see Kazuma is looking better…"

"Ah, yes! Thanks for taking care of me, Aqua…"

"...O-Oh! It's good to see Aqua and Kazuma are up early for once! Haha…"

"Yes… haha…"

"...Why are you all acting so weird?"

"?!" x 3.

The only one who wasn't feeling awkward the next morning was Megumin.

Even though she was the one who confessed.

Taking a pitcher of juice and pouring it into a glass.

Megumin looked at us with her eyebrows raised as she sipped on her drink.

"H-Hold on! Megumin was the one who said all those embarrassing things yesterday! Why aren't you acting like a complete maiden right now?!"

I lost sleep while going 'kyaa~!' last night.

Meanwhile, Megumin is here casually sipping juice.

"I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Kazuma should try getting everything off his chest, too. Come to think of it, I didn't hear Kazuma's response yet. Ah, but it doesn't matter. There is no pressure. I expect a sincere and heartfelt response when Kazuma is ready."

Like a monk who had reached enlightenment.

This loli seemed to glow!

"Some… Somehow I sense a holy aura from Megumin! It's so bright! It hurts!"

Aqua said while covering her eyes.

"...Uwaa… This feels so strange. So I guess Kazuma and Megumin is a thing now…"

Darkness said while shifting her gaze from me to Megumin.

"That's… That's right isn't it…?! Um, I don't mind if you two do naughty stuff in the house. In fact, if you have stains that just won't go away, make sure to ask your resident goddess for some effective cleansing water…"

Aqua said something that sounds like a sales pitch.

"Aqua's holy water might suffice, but I also know some home remedies. Ah, I got this remedy from a friend, by the way…"

Despite our panicking, Megumin merely shrugged as if to say 'what can I do'.

"Don't worry. I don't expect much to change. Ah, however, I do wish to finally go on a date with Kazuma."

"A-A-A date?!"

"Kazuma, are you sure you're ready for this?!"

"I-I don't know!"

"Ahhh! Quick, we need to see if the tailor shop is open! Wait, what kind of outfit do you wear on a date?!"

The three of us started yelling into each other's ears

"Really, really. This isn't that big of a deal. As someone who is already in a relationship, I find your worries quite amusing."

I am one half of that relationship you're talking about, though.

...And what relationship is that again?

Somehow it feels like nothing has changed at all!

 **Part 6**

"A picnic after an explosion. This is nice."

"Y-Yeah."

After using 'Drain Touch' to give Megumin enough Mana to walk on her own.

We went atop a small hill to enjoy the scenic beauty of Axel.

This has been our routine lately.

Three days after Megumin's confession, we started started having these picnics.

Rather than 'date', it feels like the same routine as usual.

"Kazuma, here's a sandwich. I made it using grilled purple-fin walloper. It goes well with the Crimson Demon specialty spicy beer… Or at least that's what I'm told. Ah, it might be a bit early for the beer but Aqua normally drinks at this time. It should be alright."

"T-Thank you. Um, sorry. Excuse me. I'll be right back."

Without waiting for a response, I left Megumin.

"W-W-What should I do?! Megumin made me this food. Should I compliment her? Is that too weird?!"

"C-C-Calm down, Kazuma! I think complimenting her a little bit is fine!"

"More importantly, did you compliment her outfit already? Don't forget!"

"But it's just her usual adventuring outfit."

"Even better! Say 'you look as lovely as always'."

Hiding behind some random bushes was my support team.

Aqua and Darkness who were as equally freaked out with the recent development.

They went so far as to accompany Megumin and I during our 'dates'.

Often sneaking around and hiding in foliage like they are now.

"Kazuma? What are you doing in those bushes? If you need to do your business, then take your time. But you can always use this empty bottle over here if you needed to go that badly."

What did she want me to use that bottle for?

After receiving some more frantic advice from my support team.

I went back to Megumin.

"Ahh… The air is so nice. Isn't this relaxing? The weather is perfect, and the sky is so blue…"

Megumin looked up into the clear skies while breathing in the air.

Instead of dating...

It feels like we are two elderly couples sunbathing on the balcony.

Enjoying the weather while sitting on our rocking chairs.

We are engaging in all these placid activities.

And we are supposedly 'dating'.

Yet I'm being blue-balled to an extent I couldn't have imagined before.

And Megumin was even going on before about doing standard couple things like kissing and hugging.

What happened to that?

I feel a bit cheated!

"Alright. I think we've lingered here long enough. Let's start heading back."

"...Right."

As we started packing up, I began thinking.

Megumin said it as much herself, didn't she?

If I had pushed Megumin down when the mood was right, she wouldn't have been able to resist.

She would have went along with it.

And even though Darkness is now part of my support squad and is panicking like I am…

She confirmed that girls don't mind doing lewd stuff.

They are just hesitant to admit to having those kinds of desires.

By that logic…

I should pounce this blue-balling loli right now shouldn't I?!

"Hm? Kazuma, what's wrong?"

Turning around and showing me a serene smile.

"...I was just thinking we should walk around the town a little bit more~!"

"If that's what Kazuma wants, then I'm fine with it."

In the end, I couldn't do it.

I must protect that smile.

Megumin and I finished packing up.

As we made to leave...

I vaguely heard Darkness and Aqua shuffling along the bushes as they followed us.

Somehow, we've come to this sad state of affairs.

…

…

"Even though I said all those things and often teased Kazuma for being a man who won't cross the line even when he has the chance… I'm sorry! I retract my statement! For a Christmas cake of a woman like me who will die as a virgin spinster, I'm sorry for saying such unnecessary things! This is much more difficult than I made it out to be!"

Upon arriving home, Darkness, Aqua and I convened for a strategy meeting.

"I really don't know what to do about this, Kazuma! My primary instinct is to tell everyone in the guild, but I also want to help you out! I'm very conflicted! And in terms of romance, I really don't know what to do! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you and Megumin are in a relationship!"

This has been the pattern recently.

Due to the changes in the party's dynamics, the three of us will share our anxieties.

Darkness who had previously been teasing me and pretentiously imparting love advice.

Acting like an experienced onee-san even though she is as clueless as me.

Then there's Aqua who is slow to understand things as usual.

We'd spend our time worrying about the change in my relationship with Megumin.

Meanwhile, the girl in question seems to be enjoying the recent development without any anxieties.

"So what does Kazuma plan to do from now on?! Another date? Will you take her somewhere else? How about a restaurant. Ah, but that might be too much for only having been dating for three days. How about something casual like meeting up at a cafe? Or how about the theatre? But Megumin is a girl who appreciates unique situations. She might not enjoy such conventional scenarios… Gahh! Courting is way too stressful!"

Darkness gripped her head and started screaming.

"...Bwah… Gah… Bwah…"

Making these weird noises, what looked like steam started blowing out of Aqua's ears.

While these two were malfunctioning from the stress, and as I was about to join them myself…

Knock! Knock!

The sound of someone knocking on the front door.

"...Who is it?"

We could hear Megumin call out from downstairs.

Curious, I went to my room's window, where we convened.

I looked down at the doorstep.

Standing there is a frantic looking Yunyun.

From what I knew of Megumin, she was most likely showing off about her love life again.

Especially to her rival in all things, Yunyun.

And from what I knew of Yunyun, she probably came here in a panic.

Desperate to determine the validity of her rival's boasting.

We went downstairs quickly.

In order to stop any conflicts between those two rivals.

"Ah, Kazuma and everyone. As you can see, Yunyun is here. I will make some tea. Please entertain her."

Smiling gently at us, Megumin left for the kitchen.

For some reason she was wearing an apron.

"Don't tell me Megumin is doing some kind of housewife roleplay?"

Aqua whispered to me as we watched Megumin put on a display of elegance.

One that seemed a bit forced.

Yunyun is also watching in bewilderment.

I studied the Yunyun whom I haven't seen in a while.

Ever since she tried to go for an image change and cut her hair short, she had let her hair grow.

However, she was the same Yunyun as always.

"H-Hello, everyone…!"

Stuttering as she greeted us.

We exchanged the customary greetings and Megumin served tea to everyone.

Then we gathered in the living room.

"...So, Yunyun, what brings you here today?"

Megumin said while crossing her legs and drinking tea.

"Some… Something seems a bit off with Megumin?"

Yunyun studied her rival intensely.

She knew Megumin the longest out of all of us.

She was quick to notice the inconsistencies in Megumin's attitude.

"Let's just say that… Due to recent events I've had the opportunity to grow as a woman…"

"A-A woman?!"

As expected.

Megumin couldn't help but show off.

But from what it seems like…

Yunyun wasn't baited here by Megumin's bragging.

Megumin was just beginning to leave not-so subtle hints now.

"Yunyun, is there a reason why you visited us today?"

Yunyun had been unleashing questions on the coy Megumin.

Her face had been flushed with indignation at Megumin's coyness.

But, when she looked at me, her face seemed to grow even redder.

Her shoulders trembling…

She looked up at me with upturned eyes.

Wait.

Could it be that Yunyun somehow sensed that I am dating (?) Megumin?

Something like her competitive spirit awakening?

Uwaa…

Even though I had fantasies of being adored by many women.

A successful riajuu like me who already has a gf will only be troubled.

To think I would become a heartbreaker.

"...K-Kazuma-san!"

Standing up suddenly, Yunyun stood and faced me.

"...Listen, Yunyun…"

As I was about to gently reject this girl, however...

"Kazuma-san! Please go out with me!"

 **Part 7**

After that declaration, Yunyun stared at me dead in the eyes.

Blushing and breathing hard.

Hold on.

My suspicions were on the mark?

"Wait… Wait a second! I don't know if Megumin told you this, but I'm already…!"

Before I could finish, Darkness and Aqua suddenly stood in front of me.

Spreading their arms and forming a wall.

"We can't let you do that! Do you know how much it took for these two to get together?! We can't let Yunyun sink the ship so soon!"

"Yunyun is a homewrecker! I will tell everyone in town that Yunyun is a man stealing hussy!"

"Eh?! Please don't do that Aqua-san! Wahh!"

"Wait, everyone. Let's not jump to conclusions. Knowing this socially awkward Yunyun, there must be another reason for…"

As per usual, Megumin acted as the voice of reason.

"No, I actually do need Kazuma-san to be my boyfriend."

"I'll kill you!"

"Megumin please stop! It hurts!"

What a total disaster.

To think Megumin is the jealous type.

She broke the calm and dignified housewife act she had been putting on until now.

We pried her apart from Yunyun.

"Let me at her! Let me at her!"

Gnashing her teeth, Megumin struggled against our hold.

"Follow your own advice, Megumin! It's true that Yunyun might have meant something else!"

"But… But, I really do need to have Kazuma-san date me! I need to have him talk to my father!"

"I'll bite off those absurdly big breasts of yours!"

"Eek!"

Megumin started thrashing around even harder.

Class change to the 'Berserker' class already, you brute!

...Finally, miraculously, we managed to regain our civility.

"Ahem. I'm sorry about that. Does everyone want another round of tea?"

"..."

And Megumin had gone back to her very unconvincing act.

Even though her hair is a mess.

And there was some dried drool on her chin, as she had been salivating during her rage.

"From… From how Megumin reacted… So… It's like that, huh?!"

Yunyun figured out why Megumin had flown into such a rage.

Looking at the two of us while blushing wildly.

"Megumin always shows off about her 'love life' and has confided many things to me, but to think that any of her boasting would actually have any truth in them!"

"It seems that Yunyun does want another round of tea after all~! Please enjoy this tea~! Served extra hot just the way Yunyun likes it~!"

"Don't… Don't! Megumin don't pour that hot tea on me!"

"!"

We had to resort to tying Megumin up in her chair.

For the safety of poor Yunyun, we had to resort to these measures.

"..."

With a blank look, Megumin silently sat there in her bindings.

"...Let's go back to the matter at hand. Yunyun keeps saying that she needs to date Kazuma and to have him talk to her father. But from the way she said that, it seemed a bit unnatural."

"That's right, Darkness-san! Rather than actually dating Kazuma-san… What I need is... Actually, let me explain! Um… If Kazuma-san remembers, during our trip to the home of the Crimson Demons, I had a lengthy conversation with my father about my life ever since I became an adventurer… And in certain aspects, I might have embellished a little..."

I did recall that happening.

However, rather than embellishing only a little.

Showing off to her father about having saved us from a griffon and manticore.

Even though she was referring to the Giant Toads from that time.

In one instance, Yunyun even went so far as to lie to the village chief about having a boyfriend back in Axel.

...I see.

So that's how it is.

All this talk about needing me as a boyfriend.

And having me talk to her father.

Yunyun is asking me 'please pretend to be my boyfriend'.

Confirming what I had already figured out…

Yunyun explained to the others about her predicament.

She is being called back to the home of the Crimson Demons.

Due to important business as the next in line to be the village chief

This important business being…

The visit of the King of Belzerg.

"...As a gesture of appreciation for the village's reintegration into the kingdom, after Kazuma-san convinced the chief to disband the village's declaration of sovereignty… The king expressed his desire to visit the village, and renew the friendship between the peoples of this kingdom and the Crimson Demons..."

I suddenly remembered Prince Jatis hurrying after Arue and the girls just as they were teleporting.

He also entrusted Arue with a letter from the king.

So that's what that matter is all about.

"I've never heard of this from any of the noble circles. This must be a personal decision by the king, rather than an official one…"

Darkness commented as she stroked her chin.

"How come Yunyun was notified of this, but I wasn't? This seems like a pretty big deal!"

Megumin said as she protested her apparent exclusion.

"...That's not important right now! What matters is this…"

Going back to the whole 'boyfriend' business.

The chief is insisting on meeting this supposed boyfriend of Yunyun's.

Since she is going back home, anyways.

He asked her to bring this mystery boyfriend as the king is visiting.

It does indeed seem like a fitting way to finally meet his daughter's lover.

"But the chief has already met Kazuma. Wouldn't he be suspicious that you had neglected to introduce him right then?"

"I can just say that I was too shy to introduce him at that time… But, at this point, if Kazuma-san and Megumin is like… like that, then I shouldn't be asking Kazuma-san for this kind of favor. I'm sorry to bother you all! I will just have to apologize to my father for lying to him…"

"That would be the mature decision."

"Gah!"

The ruthless Megumin did not have any comforting words to spare.

"...While pretending to be Yunyun's boyfriend is indeed a bit too much, I do remember saying something like 'I will ask one of my male friends to act as Yunyun's boyfriend'... Something along those lines."

Though, I said that as a joke.

"Y-Yes! Kazuma-san did indeed promise that!"

No, I didn't promise anything.

As Yunyun's spirits had begun to rise, Megumin shot me a reproachful look.

"Kazuma, this girl needs to face the consequences of her actions. Don't bail her out with your sneaky methods. Otherwise she won't learn."

"Not everyone can be as mature as the former honor roll student Megumin. Sometimes people make white lies. It is unavoidable to make such mistakes."

"...And your solution is to make even bigger lies to cover up the initial white lie. What a great plan. Well, good luck with that. But please untie me already. I promise not to interfere with Kazuma and Yunyun's scheming."

Faced with Megumin's sensible words, I began to have second doubts.

But Yunyun was already hopping around excitedly.

"Ignore her, Kazuma-san! Megumin always feels the need to be contrary! I think it's a great plan!"

Looking up at me with sparkling eyes, Yunyun held my hands in hers.

"Why you! Hands off my man! Nom!"

"Eek! Megumin wasn't lying about biting them off?! Stop! Stop pleeeeaseee!"

Just as Darkness untied her, the wild beast was unleashed once more.

 **Part 8**

After all that commotion, I met with Yunyun at the guild the next day.

These days, the guild is very busy.

A lot of unusual monsters started appearing in the wilds located on the outskirts of town.

As a result, quests that no one wanted to take on started piling up.

These are called durian quests.

Among these were kill quests targeting creatures like silver wolves, haunted tanukis and morphing golems.

There were even rumors of a young wyvern that was seen flying around.

But I wasn't interested at all in these high difficulty quests.

Someone as rich and accomplished as me has nothing to prove by taking on such challenging quests.

Or so I say, but I have an equally challenging task before me.

"...Is that you, Yunyun?"

"Please… Please don't say my name so loudly! For now, please refer to me as Nuynuy."

An even weirder name than 'Yunyun' came up.

"I refuse to call you by that ridiculous name. Now, aside from Yuyun's strange behaviour, why are you wearing that cloak?"

Sitting all by herself, Yunyun was attracting a lot of attention by wearing a hooded cloak.

"I'm doing this for Kazuma-san's benefit. Won't it be troublesome for Kazuma-san to be seen with another woman when he's already dating Megumin?"

Just because a guy is in a relationship doesn't mean he can't even speak with other girls.

And aside from that, we haven't really told anyone outside of Yunyun about our relationship.

And after that debacle with Arue's novel, I doubt that Megumin would make the same mistake of spreading the news around.

I convinced Yunyun to remove the cloak.

"Puwah! It was quite hot in there…"

Yunyun had begun sweating underneath the cloak.

The white shirt she is wearing underneath had begun to stick to her skin.

The cloth had also become transparent, and I could see something purple bleed out from the chest area.

Not good.

A few days after Megumin and I started dating (?) and these flags were already showing up.

I averted my gaze from the oblivious Yunyun.

There was no need to get myself caught up in a love triangle.

But aside from that.

This defenseless girl really doesn't have a boyfriend already?

How is that even possible?

I'm sure that some bad boy would have taken advantage of her right now.

"Oh? Isn't that Yunyun? And I see you're with Kazuma as well."

And a bad boy appears.

Standing in front of us was the town's infamous blond troublemaker, Dust.

He yawned loudly without bothering to cover his mouth.

"It appears that Dust-san hasn't been drinking even though it's already noon. This is quite remarkable!"

"Well, I'm a bit too broke to afford beer at the moment is all. What's up with you two?"

It appears that Yunyun is already acquainted with Dust.

I don't even want to imagine how such an event occured.

Dust sat with us without waiting for an invitation.

I noticed that Yunyun was looking at Dust intently.

But then she shivered slightly and then shook her head.

So even the lonely Yunyun had standards.

"Kazuma-san and I are 'hanging out' as people who are 'chill' with one another tend to do. After all Kazuma-san and I are f-f-f-friends…?"

For some reason, her sentence ended as if she were asking a question.

This girl is too pitiful.

"I see. So Yunyun found someone else to stick to. That's a bit lonely, but I understand."

"Ah, no! It's not like that! This is just a misunderstanding, Dust-san!"

"No… I get it. Even though I've put up with Yunyun who was desperate for company all this time… You've found someone better…"

"Dust-san!"

Eventually, Dust stopped teasing the pitiful Yunyun.

He joined us at our table, and somehow convinced me to buy a beer for him.

"Ah… Although this crimson beer has a peculiar spiciness, it's not that bad."

The peculiar spicy beer that originated from the home of the crimson demons was added to the menu.

Ever since Megumin's contributions in defeating the devil king, the culture of the crimson demons became more and more popularized.

"That poor imitation doesn't compare to the original! The original crimson demon spicy beer packs even more of a punch!"

"I get it, but why is Yunyun getting so excited?"

Yunyun is normally ashamed of her heritage as a Crimson Demon.

However, after her last visit, Yunyun gained an appreciation for her heritage.

She felt pride towards her brethren who worked together in vanquishing the remnants of the devil king army.

Really, those lot can accomplish great things if they stop fooling around.

"So… Why don't you two just spit it out already?"

"Eh?"

Dust suddenly said this as he wiped froth from his lips.

"I've actually been watching the two of you for a while. Yunyun was wearing that weird cloak and acting suspicious. Furthermore, I am versed enough in the criminal ways that I can tell when there's a scheme going on. Well? Out with it. You can tell senpai."

Dust easily analyzed the situation.

Yunyun and I looked at each other.

In response, I shrugged.

It was Yunyun's business and I only got dragged along for the ride.

I don't even know exactly why I'm helping Yunyun.

Megumin was right in saying that schemes like this won't do any good.

However, when faced with this pitiful Yunyun who is now being easily enticed by the delinquent Dust.

And the fact that she is even acquainted with him in the first place.

I just can't ignore this girl!

In the end, Yunyun decided to let Dust in on our scheme.

"Why doesn't Yunyun tell her dad that she broke up with her boyfriend? Add some tears and sniffles and he will certainly fall for it."

Dust offered an easy solution.

I don't know why I didn't come up with that myself.

"No… No! That can't happen! I told my father that me and my boyfriend are very much in love and is even considering a long term commitment! And my father wrote back that he almost died of happiness when he read that! It will break his heart if I suddenly announce that I broke up with this boyfriend!"

Why is this little girl toying with her own father's heart to such an extent?

This unassuming girl is actually really manipulative?

"Alright. If it's gone this far, then you should just ask Kazuma to pretend to be your boyfriend. That's a simple solution, right?"

"I… I considered that, but…"

Oi.

If you look so suspicious like that, this surprisingly perceptive Dust will certainly catch on.

"Hm? I don't get it? I guess Kazuma just can't be bothered, huh? Tch. Kazuma is a bad friend. Can't Kazuma see that this girl is very troubled?"

I shouldn't have overestimated him.

He finished the last of his beer, down to the last froth.

After placing the glass down on the table, he said,

"Very well, then. You know what, I'm kind of broke recently. Like, really broke. If Yunyun is willing to pay, I can pretend to be your…"

"Sorry. Not happening."

"Huh?!"

In a rare occurrence, Yunyun put her foot down and refused Dust's offer.

"Why? Isn't Yunyun desperate right now? What's the problem?"

"I'm sorry, Dust-san. You are someone I get along with, but you are not the type of character I can introduce to my father! Furthermore, I described my boyfriend as one who is like the hero in fairy tales. Like one who rides mighty dragons into battle… Someone like that…"

At the end of her speech, Yunyun's eyes became unfocused as if she were in a daydream.

"Dragons? I guess if there's one around I could… I-I mean, aren't Yunyun's standards too high?! And why did your father easily believe that this antisocial little girl managed to land herself an elite like that?!"

"Even… Even though I'm like this in Axel, I am quite respected in my village!"

Until recently she was regarded by her clansmen as a strange girl, though.

"By the way, Yunyun, you never really mentioned this, but when are you expected to arrive in the home of the Crimson Demons?"

Somehow I forgot to ask about this important detail.

And Yunyun had forgotten to provide it.

Looking somewhat concerned, Yunyun reached into a purse-like bag.

After taking out some miscellaneous belongings, she pulled out an envelope.

"Actually… I had quite a hard time reading this letter. So I don't know all of the details."

She showed us the letter her father had sent for her.

I glanced at it.

"..."

As expected, the important details were hidden under the usual chuunibyou.

I started reading the letter.

 _Hail! Daughter of crimson, valiant Yunyun! One who bravely faced the daughter of the devil king with thy saber of glorious light…! The pride of my…_

"We… We can skip this part!"

Yunyun blushed and urged us to skip the embarrassing parts.

I also skipped the information we already knew about.

The king's visit…

Asking Yunyun to bring her boyfriend…

And then finally…

Somewhere near the end, my 'Detect Magic' skill activated.

"This part here is obscured from sight by some kind of illusion magic."

"To go to this much trouble… The customs of my clan are really troublesome!"

After complaining, Yunyun used 'Dispel Magic' to get rid of the illusion.

Suddenly, new words started forming at the bottom of the page.

 _If you're reading this… Then you must have seen through the illusion. Well done._

"!"

The tone of the letter suddenly changed.

"Maybe something bad is going on? Why would my father need to go through all this secrecy?"

With concern rising in our chests, we read on.

 _Read this carefully… For the information I am about to impart is of vital importance, Yunyun…_

This really got serious all of a sudden…!

Our eyes drifted further down to the page…

And then…!

 _Please come to the village as soon as you receive this letter. Oh, and tell Megumin to come, too._

 _XoXo_

 _-Your loving daddy~!_

 _Chuuuu~!_

"Gahhh!"

Yunyun quickly took the letter and ripped it to shreds.

"..."

"Uwaaa~! Waaaa~!"

Dust and I patted the shoulder of the crying Yunyun.

"That… That delinquent Dust and Scum-zuma is making that girl cry!"

Some outsiders made the wrong observation.

"Isn't that Yunyun? The girl who is always by herself? Don't tell me those perverts chose to prey on that naive girl?!"

"That girl is always being tricked by older adventurers into wearing revealing outfits, right? They tell her things like 'If you show some skin, you will be able to make a lot of friends'. I chose to turn a blind eye before but… I must stand up for her now!"

Why are these guys only choosing to act when I'm involved?

"Oi, go to hell you white-knighting bastards! Even I can't ignore the cries of a cute girl, you know? Don't think I'm the type to prey on helpless little girls!"

"Shut up you delinquent! And my class happens to be that of a 'white knight'. You got a problem with that?!"

With a few more provocations, a fight started in the guild.

Amidst the chaos, I took Yunyun and used 'Lurk' on the both of us to escape.

 **Part 9**

"What am I going to do, Kazuma-san? I received the letter yesterday. I should have arrived at the home of the Crimson Demons by now."

Three hours had passed ever since we escaped from the brawl.

In order to cheer Yunyun up, I took her to the many amusements this town offers.

But that didn't do much to improve her mood.

In the end, we took to idly walking around.

We didn't have any destination in mind so we ended up wandering into the outskirts of town.

"I don't think you should take the contents of that letter too seriously. Your father couldn't have known when you would receive the letter. Saying something like 'come as soon as you receive the letter' might mean that he wants you to come as soon as you are able."

"Be that as it may, I don't have a lot of time! Perhaps Megumin was right. I should be honest and admit to my lies."

"...That may be true."

In the end, Megumin is right after all.

Digging yourself deeper into a web of lies never works.

But... This lie of Yunyun's is not even truly malicious.

It was done out of the intention to impress her father.

And a bit of it might have been inspired from her insecurity towards Megumin.

All of a sudden, her rival who could only use the worthless explosion magic is now the country's strongest mage.

And I didn't know what exactly Megumin tells Yunyun.

But Megumin's bragging about her 'love life' ended up making Yunyun resort to all this.

"..."

Wait. Isn't all this simply Megumin's fault?

As I walked pace to pace with the downtrodden Yunyun.

We eventually came across the wilderness just outside of Axel's boundaries.

The place that is housing a lot of 'durian quest' level monsters.

As Yunyun and I made to change directions…

"Wait, Kazuma-san! Isn't that…?"

Yunyun suddenly grabbed my shoulder as she pointed to the wilderness.

"I know that it is the duty of high level adventurers to take care of any powerful monsters they encounter, but please don't drag me into a fight with tough monsters, Yunyun."

"No, but… It's… It's Dust-san!"

"...Huh?"

I turned towards the forest.

True to Yunyun's words…

I saw Dust behind some foliage.

He was swaying and stumbling around.

Last time I saw him, he was taking advantage of the chaos of the fight to drink other people's beer.

He probably got drunk out of his mind and wandered here into this forest.

"...For some reason Dust-san is not equipped with his usual equipment! Instead of a long sword, he's carrying a spear! Quick, Kazuma-san, we have to save him before he gets into any trouble!"

Nodding to Yunyun, we made our way to Dust.

"Dust-san! Please come over here! It's not safe!"

"Uweeh? Ish that Yunyun? And Kashuma, too? Ahh… Thish wash supposed to be a shurprise but you found meeee~! Oh, well~!"

"Don't you realize the danger you're in, Dust?! Come over here before any troublesome monsters show up!"

"Ish OK Kashuma old buddy! Ish OK!"

This guy…!

Yunyun and I made to move towards him, but…

"Skreeee!"

All of a sudden, there was a loud, shrieking sound…!

With great speed, flitting around behind the covers of the trees was…

"It's… It's a wyvern!"

The wyvern that was rumored to be seen around these parts.

Wyverns aren't the most dangerous monsters.

Especially the young ones like this creature here.

But they were very fast, had high dodge rates and some are capable of breath attacks.

And unfortunately, this youngling as one of those with a breath attack.

"Shaaaa!"

The wyvern dashed out of the cover of a tree.

It exhaled once and released a jet of fire towards Dust.

I can feel the feet even from a distance.

"Dust-san…!"

Yunyun raised her wand.

But…

"Ara… This one is especially feisty…"

"!" x 2.

I could barely follow his movements.

One moment, the tip of his spear was pointed to the ground.

In the next, it was raised high and had slashed clean through the wyvern's flames.

The fire dispersed until it was nothing more than a heat wave.

Yunyun and I covered our eyes as it washed over us.

"Ah… Thanks to that, I'm completely sober now! Wait, what am I doing here again?"

He suddenly came back to his senses.

Dust surveyed his surroundings and then looked towards us.

His gaze settled on Yunyun.

"Oh…! Right. I felt so sorry for this child that I just had to do this stupid stunt. Ara… After all this time and I'm still going out of my way for the sake of cute girls. I haven't learned my lesson, it seems."

I noticed that Yunyun blushed a little after Dust said 'cute'.

...Oho?

"Alright. I suppose since I've already gone ahead and did all this while I was drunk, it can't be helped if I show you two a little bit of my awesome self. I might be a little bit rusty, though."

After that cocky speech, Dust lowered himself into an unusual stance.

I am not an expert in spear combat, but I can tell that his movement is very polished.

And then…

As the wyvern flew in, lashing its whip like serpent tail at Dust…

Meeting the lightning fast whip attacks, Dust's spear moved even faster to deflect the strikes.

The shaft of Dust's spear seemed to bend in my vision.

Thrusting and swinging, rising and falling.

Finally, after deflecting one last strike, the wyvern stopped its attacks.

It eyed Dust carefully.

Just when I thought that Dust was about to counterattack…

He planted the tip of his spear on the ground.

He then stared at the wyvern directly in the eyes.

"Dust-san, don't let your guard down!"

Yunyun said as she made to move towards Dust.

"No, it's alright. This child is a bit of a tsundere but she's starting to come around. They always do."

"Eh?"

As Dust said those words, the wyvern started slowly approaching Dust.

And then it flapped its wings once and landed on Dust's shoulder.

"Kree~! Kree~!"

The wyvern's killing intent completely vanished.

It started nuzzling against Dust's cheek while cooing tenderly.

We watched Dust in awe.

"You told your dad that you were dating some badass who can ride dragons, like in those fairy tales, right? Sorry, I can only get this little one for now. But rest assured, my dragon is usually _much_ bigger than this."

"No, well, yes… I mean, eh?"

Completely confused, Yunyun stuttered over her words more than usual.

"Hm? Why is Yunyun so flustered now?"

"Ah… No, I…"

Smiling slightly, Dust slowly advanced towards Yunyun.

"So. Tell me, 'Yun-chan'. When do I gotta meet your old man?"

…

…

 **Chapter 20 END**

 **Next chapter: Gifting this Home of Chuuni Mages with a Royal Visit!**

...

...

 **A/N: Quick shout out to my proofreader and resident Scum-zuma, LordVTP. If you're looking for a konosuba fanfic to read that is 'Lit AF', as the cool kids say, check out his work 'Archaic Records of this Bastard Goddess!'. He and his co-writer, Uranophane, did TL work for the konosuba light novel fan translations, so they know what they're doing.**


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: Gifting this Home of Chuuni Mages with a Royal Visit!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Part 1**

"Is that… Is that really Dust-san?!"

Yunyun exclaimed to Dust who showed off impossible feats.

"Now, now. Please don't fall in love with the charming me. But I suppose it can't be helped. A young maiden witnesses the true powers of a hero in disguise… Something like that, huh?"

"Who… Who are you?! And what have you done with the real Dust-san?!"

"Yunyun?! Wait, why are you charging up your magic?! It's really me! It's me, your pal, Dust!"

After seeing Yunyun chanting and gathering magic in her hand, Dust quickly dropped the cool act.

"Kreee! Kreee!"

The wyvern perched on Dust's shoulder started going into a frenzy after sensing that it's master was in danger.

"Really... Dust, you have a lot of explaining to do. Those moves with the spear and the ability to tame a dragon… From what I know only the 'Dragon Knight' or the 'Dragon Lord' class possess those distinct abilities..."

I received all this information from the books in the king's personal library, which he gives me access to even now.

Furthermore, the 'Dragon Knight' and 'Dragon Lord' class is not mainly featured in the country of Belzerg. Heroes with those classes can be found in a far away foreign country.

"If Kazuma wants to know the answers to those questions, he will have to pay up. You are rich now, right? Then buy me a mansion filled with busty beauties! Every hallway must contain a line of magnificent statues which resemble the great me. Furthermore, the beauties who serve me will have to kiss the statues in reverence everytime they pass the hall…"

This delinquent has a twisted imagination.

"Ah, that arrogant attitude… This really is Dust-san. I'm sorry for doubting you."

Yunyun said while bowing in apology to this man who is undoubtedly Dust.

"Why is Yunyun insulting me so much even when I am doing her a favor?"

"Favor…? Does Dust-san really intend to act as my lover?!"

Faced with Yunyun's disbelief, Dust only shrugged. The wyvern on his shoulder stopped making a fuss and was lovingly nuzzling against his neck.

"Wasn't Yunyun bragging to her father that her boyfriend is like the shining knight in fairy tales who ride dragons into battle?"

I doubt that Dust or anyone can ride that youngling perched on his shoulder. And he is throwing around the term 'dragon' very loosely.

This wyvern is so small that only the ground pixies living in our front yard is able to ride it.

"But… With the usual mannerisms of the Crimson Demons it is not unusual for us to exaggerate some details. I'm sure my father doesn't really expect my boyfriend to be like the shining knight in fairy tales!"

"W… What?! So Yunyun is saying I went through all this effort for nothing?! And I even revealed my closely guarded secret to you two!"

Now that he is sober, Dust wants us to think as if he intended to reveal his secrets on purpose, and not on a drunken impulse.

"No one is going to expose your secret Dust-san! But, having you act as my boyfriend is still a bit…"

Yunyun glanced away from Dust who still reeks of booze. His shirt was also stained with spilled beer.

To Yunyun who is still hesitating, I said,

"It's not like we have a lot of time to find another candidate. And it's also true that Dust did go out of his way for you."

Yunyun seemed to be deliberating with herself. Meanwhile, Dust was watching her with a lazy look in his eyes. He impatiently tapped the bladed end of the spear to the ground.

"Oi, hurry up and decide. The guild is usually the busiest at this time. I need to be there before the bar gets full."

Yunyun scrunched up her face in frustration. Finally, she said,

"Ahh! Fine! I really feel like I should just listen to Megumin and admit to my father that I was just lying… But fine! Dust-san, please go out with me!"

She repeated the words she said to me the other day.

To say 'please go out with me' to someone who is only pretending to be her lover... This girl is too earnest.

"Fine, fine. We'll settle my fees later I suppose. By the way, when do we have to leave for the home of the crimson demons?"

"According to the letter, as soon as possible…"

Which reminds me, I have to tell Megumin that she is also expected to come home. For the village chief to hide such important details under an illusion spell… These crimson demons are too annoying!

"I've almost forgotten. This little one needs a name."

Dust said as we began heading out of the woods. He looked at the wyvern with some consideration.

"Hmm… I found this little one sulking in the woods all by herself. Ah, let's name it Yunyun."

"You musn't! Dust-san, you mustn't!"

Yunyun immediately turned around and grabbed the collar of Dust, wailing at this mischievous tease.

"Ah… Fine! Then I will make it less obvious. How about Nuynuy?"

"That's even worse! Please just stop making fun of meee…!"

If Megumin is expected to come back home, I will also be dragged along.

Coming back to that irritating village full of chuunibyou is bad enough. But now I have to put up with the company of Dust and deal with his antics.

Why can't I ever catch a break?

 **Part 2**

"Doesn't it seem like we are always on the move? We just came back from a trip to the capital didn't we? And here we are again going on yet another trip to the home of the crimson demons! Are we wandering hobos or something?!"

Aqua exclaimed as we teleported from Axel to the outskirts of the home of the crimson demons.

From as far as the eyes can see there is no sign of fauna, foliage, water source or any observable living organisms to be found.

After all, this is the same area that was nuked by Megumin's explosion magic during the battle against the daughter of the devil king, Maouko.

The scale of the damage Megumin inflicted on this land is only now apparent to us.

As we walked through this eerie area devoid of life, Aqua didn't sense our uneasiness and started complaining.

In reply to her oblivious commentary, Megumin said.

"No one invited Aqua, so please don't complain. In fact, I don't know why Kazuma and everyone else is coming along. I'm the only one who was summoned."

As she said this, Megumin looked around at the area that had once been inhabited by a sophisticated ecology of high-levelled monsters. There was awe in her eyes as she saw the destruction she caused, but I sensed that she was equally disturbed.

Sometimes I wonder if she's ever come to terms with how much power she can unleash with only a simple command.

"I, of course, came along in order to oversee the actions of Megumin's clansmen. I don't mean to offend, but the crimson demons are known to be quite excessive. Is this not true? And so as a noble who is extensively trained in the diplomatic arts, I have come to lend my aid…"

To Darkness who was haughtily explaining her reasons for coming along, Megumin replied,

"Lalatina acts like an expert diplomat of some sort, but let us not forget the 'wetting' controversy in the capital that made her lose face with so many of the citizens..."

"When are you guys going to let that little incident go?! And why call me 'Lalatina' in these moments specifically?!"

Darkness blushed as she recalled that unfortunate incident we were both involved in.

"I wanna go home! But I also don't want to miss out if you guys are going to play around in Megumin's hometown…"

Just go home already, you child!

Nonetheless, I shared some of Aqua's sentiments. If I had a choice, I would rather stay home and live out my days idly.

Especially since I am now able to go on dates with Megumin. Even if we only engage in tame activities, the prospect of dating a girl excites me. I want to see what the life of a successful riajuu with a girlfriend is like.

But with this business of the king's visit, Megumin has little choice but to go back to her hometown.

So it's only natural that the b-boyfriend comes along for this business, right?

"Hm? Why is Kazuma looking at me like that? Anyways, does Kazuma know when Yunyun and… That delinquent 'boyfriend' of hers will arrive?"

This so-called girlfriend couldn't sense my giddy and nervous feelings. She was only concerned about Yunyun.

Am I being NTR'd?

"Megumin's crush… I mean, rival, Yunyun, already went ahead of us. She was in a panic and hurried without packing. Who knows, maybe she is introducing Dust to her father as we speak. If we hurry and pick up our pace we might have a chance to witness that disaster… I mean, special moment."

"Isn't Kazuma the one who helped Yunyun with this business? Yet you're already expecting her to fail. This is why you are called Scumzuma in town. Aside from that, Kazuma should have convinced Yunyun not to go through with that silly plan of hers in the first place. Especially since she ended up settling for that no good delinquent!"

Megumin said with her face showing flashes of irritation and concern.

Am I really being NTR'd here?

According to Dodonko and Funifura, Megumin and Yunyun were yuri back when they were students.

I thought they were just teasing but it might be true?

Come to think of it, I don't know much about Megumin's past. Hearing about things I don't know about, like Megumin's life as a student, makes me feel like I'm missing out on a side story in a favorite series of mine that I didn't learn about until much later.

We walked through the wasteland. Eventually we reached the borders of the home of the crimson demons.

"Halt. Who goes there?"

A shimmering, transparent figure stepped into view. The voice sounded familiar.

To these figures who are probably using illusion magic to hide themselves, Megumin said,

"Buzucoily, please drop the act. It's obviously me, Megumin. It's me, it's me."

"...Somehow doesn't it seem like Megumin has lost the usual flair of our kin?"

After dispelling the illusion magic, several people appeared in front of us.

"I thought we were being harassed by ghosts and was preparing to strike with [God Blow]… Tch!"

Aqua's eyes glowed a furious blue. When he saw this, the now revealed Buzucoily waved his hands about in fright.

"There is no use for violence, Megumin's comrade! In… In any case, the festivities have already started. Megumin is not late but please hurry! Now that I have delivered that message… Militia force, disperse!"

At Buzucoily's command, the troop of NEETs cloaked themselves with the invisibility magic once more.

"From the words of Megumin's clansmen… It seems that there is a celebration of some sort."

Darkness said as we followed the path that leads to the village square.

"That is expected. My clan will of course go all out with trying to entertain the royal highness. But I do hope that my fellow clansmen don't go too far."

If Megumin of all people says such a thing, I will be very concerned.

"Be that as it may, I don't imagine what kind of entertainment the crimson demons can make at such short… Notice?!"

As Darkness exclaimed in astonishment, our jaws collectively dropped after we followed her gaze.

In the village square there is what used to be a real live griffon that was frozen in a stasis spell, and was then displayed like a statue.

It is normally a breathtaking sight and gave me goosebumps when I first saw it.

But now standing beside the frozen griffon is a person seemingly petrified by the same spell.

Now still as a statue, this is undoubtedly the king of belzerg. The king who is supposed to be visiting.

Those chuunis actually did it!

I thought that they were somewhat screwed up in the head, but I didn't think they were full on insane!

"Oi! Megumin! What do you have to say about this! As someone who is a member of this insane clan, how do you excuse this crazy stunt that was pulled by none other than your clansmen?!"

"W-What does Kazuma expect me to say?! No matter how you look at it, this situation is clearly out of my control!"

"Wahhh! We're all going to die! They'll chop our heads off!"

"C-Calm down Aqua! I won't let them touch you, even if I have to fight the law! Instead… I will ask them to punish only me! Yes, I'm at fault! I'm the one who turned the king into a statue! Huff… Huff…!"

As we all panicked, or at least, all of us except the twisted Darkness, another group of crimson demons approached us.

"K-Kazuma-san! It's nice to see you again so soon! Oh… Megumin is here, too. It's nice to see Megumin again, I suppose."

"It was eventful during Kazuma-san's last visit, so this time around, please leisurely enjoy the sights and attractions of the home of the crimson demons. Oh… Hello, Megumin."

Greeting us while giving me a friendly smile is Megumin's schoolmates, Dodonko and Funifura.

We are currently panicking over the sight of the statue but these girls are approaching us casually.

To these girls who were oblivious to our rising panic, Megumin said,

"...These thirsty virgins aren't even bothering to hide their intentions. But never mind that. I am admittedly out of touch with the customs of our people ever since I've acclimated with the ways of the outside world. Please tell me straight if this life-like statue is merely a perfect replica of the highness, or if our kinsmen really did lose their minds and decided to perform a terrorist act. Depending on your answer, I might have to disown myself from this clan and perform my duties as an elite adventurer…"

In the face of Megumin's very convincing threat, the girls looked at each other, then the statue and then back to Megumin. Realization dawned on their faces.

"Wah! No! Megumin should know better! It's just a really good statue, alright?! See, there's even a plaque in the bottom. Um… it reads… 'Here lies the king of Belzerg in his eternal, frozen sleep'… Eh?! That's not right! W-Wait! Someone must've replaced the original plaque as a joke! Really! Wait… Um, your name is Darkness-san, right? Why are you placing handcuffs on meeee!"

After letting the frightened Dodonko and Funifura go, they explained the situation to us.

"It was a misunderstanding after all. I'm sorry for doubting you."

"Megumin should have asked first before apprehending us! How could you!"

The girls who we unfairly convicted rubbed their wrists, where Darkness had handcuffed them.

Speaking of which, why did Darkness have a pair of handcuffs readily available?

They had explained to us that the statue was a perfect imitation, not the king himself petrified into stone by a spell.

For us to assume the worst reflects our opinions regarding the crimson demon clan.

At this moment, I began to see the many ways this royal visit could turn into a political catastrophe.

I exchanged glances with the others before we followed Megumin's schoolmates.

Just as I kept a wary eye out…

"Welcome to the home of the crimson demons! Please enjoy your stay, Satou-sama and his party!"

Suddenly appearing out of nowhere, two well-dressed crimson demons greeted us. They raised their hands to the air and multi-colored sparks shot out from their fingertips.

"…" x 4.

Faced with this unexpected sight, we could only stare blankly.

Our greeters didn't seem to mind our lack of a reaction. They kept hopping around and using showy, flashy magic in an attempt to entertain us.

"Amateurs… You bunch of amateurs! You think you can entertain guests with such half-hearted party tricks?! And to think that you crimson demons pride yourselves in your magic! Now, watch how an elite arch-priest does it! Nature's beauty!"

Aqua took out her fans and started an admittedly impressive performance.

"Uwooh?! That is impressive! But… As crimson demons we can't lose! Watch this!"

The crimson demons retaliated with their own awe-inspiring spectacle.

Indeed, they were both putting on a commendable performance.

…But to think that the powerful crimson demon clan and a goddess with the advanced arch-priest class is using their powers so frivolously.

I imagined that the king and his entourage thought they were being ambushed when those two crimson demons suddenly teleported in front of them, and threw a bunch of high-level magic around like they were fireworks.

I'm getting a really bad feeling about this!

"Help! Help! Somebody help me!"

Just as I had that thought, I heard a very familiar voice.

"!"

Running towards us was Iris!

Running towards me… Does she miss her onii-sama?

If only my GF, Megumin, isn't here, I would scoop my little sister Iris in my arms!

But what is Iris doing here?

There was no mention of the king's family coming along for the visit. From the letter, I presumed that only the king and some of his entourage are expected to visit.

No, what's important is that Iris is clearly distressed as she's running towards us.

"…Kekeke. Run away as fast as you can, princess… But you can't outrun me forever…"

"That is… It can't be!"

Darkness said as she drew her great sword.

Bat-like wings and a malicious red armor…

It was the devil king…!

He is supposed to be dead, and the last I saw of him, he was playing with the panties of Darkness and Megumin before we launched an explosion suicide attack.

But here he is, in the flesh.

This situation doesn't make any sense, but we can't get hung up on that. We have to act now!

"Megumin! Prepare to cast explosion!"

"…"

Megumin didn't reply to me. In fact, she is just staring blankly at the devil king.

I almost forgot that Megumin doesn't deal well with unexpected situations.

Before I could snap Megumin out of her trance…

"Please help me…!"

Iris cried as she kept sprinting away from the devil king.

I made to move towards her as well, stretching my hand out.

"Iris, come here!"

"…You're too late."

The devil king snapped his fingers.

Just as I reached Iris and held her in my arms…

"O… nii… sama… I don't feel so good…"

She said with her face twisted in pain.

Then her body started to crumble.

I watched in horror as her body started disintegrating, crumbling into dirt and dust.

The disintegrated Iris sifted through my hold and formed into a pile of dust at my feet.

No... It can't be.

This can't be happening.

My little sister… Iris?

"Damn you…!"

I cried out in a rage as I drew my bow and quickly loaded it with an arrow.

"Snipe!"

I launched the arrow at this bastard who killed my little sister!

"Argh~! The arrow has directly pierced my heart~! Damn you hero~! You've defeated me~! Ugohh…"

After the arrow hit its target, the devil king fell to his knee.

He even made a weird 'ugoohh' sound.

Then, like Iris, the devil king's body began to disintegrate into a pile of dust.

"E-Eh?"

It was over so quickly that Darkness who had been charging at the devil king slashed at the air and fell on her face.

Or rather, even if the devil king hadn't suddenly turned into a pile of dust, Darkness would have missed her attack anyways.

Aside from that, there's more important concerns at hand!

It was good that the devil king went down so easily but isn't this a little bit weird?

The two crimson demons from before caught up to us. Following behind them is Aqua, who we left behind as she was intent on having an 'artistic showdown' with the two crimson demons.

"Ah, that was one of our attractions. I hoped you enjoyed it!"

"Hahhhh?!"

One of the crimson demons pointed to the pile of dust in front of me, what had been Iris's body.

Although I'm beginning to doubt that it actually had been Iris's body.

"That was a replica of the princess Iris and is the result of a [Golem Creation] and [Illusion] combination spell! Ah, that 'devil king' is also an illusion fabricated by the same means. Very impressive is it not?!"

"Who?! Who thought that this cruel prank was a good idea?! Did you show the king this twisted image?!"

I directed this question to Dodonko and Funifura who were both avoiding my gaze.

It was Megumin who answered my question.

"…We crimson demons often play this game with one another. A scenario where the 'devil king' kills a loved one and the 'heroes' must avenge their death. It is a popular game among the children of the crimson demon clan. Ah, I recognized that this was all a sham from the beginning. That's why I didn't move to attack."

Then why didn't you give me any warning, Megumin?!

And do the kids of this clan really play this messed up game?! There's so many things I can say about that!

"T-The elders in charge of making the attractions thought it would be a good idea to display as much of the crimson demon culture as possible… Haha…"

Funifura said as she awkwardly avoided my gaze.

Again, why didn't anyone inform me of this?!

I lost all the strength in my legs as I collapsed on the ground.

But I made the mistake of falling over the dust pile of what used to be 'Iris'.

"Gah!"

I scrambled to get up but the dust had already clung to my clothes.

"Hm? What's going on? And why is Kazuma so dirty and why is Darkness crouched on the ground and crying her eyes out? Ah, Kazuma, since I am such a good and dependable friend, let me wash you! Nature's Beauty!"

"Nooo! You idiot goddess! Don't wash away my Iris! Wahhh!"

It's only been ten minutes or so since we arrived.

But this trip is already looking like a disaster.

 **Part 3**

There is a festival atmosphere in the home of the crimson demons.

Every household contributed by setting up stalls that showed off an aspect of the crimson demon culture.

Among the many food and game stalls, each family owned business proudly displayed their specialty goods.

As we passed by the booths, a familiar face beckoned us over. Manning the stall is Sakunori-san, Funifura's mother who is the self-proclaimed 'number one housewife' of the crimson demon clan.

The Sakunori-san who kindly rented rooms to us during our last visit, smiled and said,

"Ah, Kazuma-san, long time no see. Look at this, Kazuma-san. My family specializes in making staffs, staves and other magical equipment. The fine staff Megumin-chan is using now is the result of my husband and Funifura-chan's hard work!"

Funifura blushed as her mother gave her a coy look.

"What… What are you implying, mama? I just wanted to show off to Megumin my growing expertise in magic item making, that's all! Isn't that right, Megumin?!"

Megumin was also looking away awkwardly. She said,

"…I suppose this staff is not bad. Although I don't really need it anymore now that my explosion is at such a high level."

Megumin said that even though I always see her doing maintenance on that beloved staff of hers.

"S-So mean! Megumin is so mean! At least pretend to care! I worked so hard making that… I-I mean… Hmph!"

What a bunch of tsunderes.

In fact, isn't the crimson demon clan filled with tsunderes? Or maybe it's only Megumin's friend group that act all tsun-tsun.

Excluding Arue, of course.

Sakunori-san laughed at her daughter's bashfulness. Then she went on with her sales-pitch… I mean, explanation.

"The item we are selling for this festival is this wonderful staff! This staff has a built in ability that Kazuma-san will surely be impressed by! This staff has a barrier negation ability that is unparalleled! I'd say that it is even powerful enough to disrupt the magic barrier around the capital's famous palace! If this item were to fall into the wrong hands, they will be able to raid the stronghold of the palace! I assure you of its effectiveness!"

"Mama… Although that item is very impressive, don't tell me that you told the exact same explanation to the king when he came over?! How could you?!"

Funifura said to her mother who is casually showing this terrorist weapon to us.

In reply, Sakunori-san said,

"Oh? The Funifura-chan who got all shy when the highness came over, who didn't even come out of her room as we were proudly showing our products to the highness, is speaking with such a tone? And doesn't Funifura-chan know that it is the crimson demon way to honor friends and foes alike by showing them the many ways we can end their life in an instant?"

What kinda messed up way of 'honoring' someone is that?

"I somehow knew that you and papa would pull such a tactless stunt! That's why I hid myself away! Geez!"

Funifura said as she stormed off from her family's booth.

"Ah… That Funifura-chan is becoming quite strange. Ever since she came back from the capital she hasn't been the same…"

Sakunori-san said, looking quite concerned as she watched her daughter stomp away.

I looked towards Dodonko, who was startled and let out an 'eep!' sound when I made eye contact with her.

"Um… Actually, Funifura and I started seeing our fellow clansmen and customs in a different light after we saw what the outside world was like…"

I see. So it's like that. Visiting the capital gave them insight into how the real world functions.

The valley girls who were influenced by this strange culture finally gained some sense.

Good for them. Maybe they will slowly follow the exemplary conduct of Yunyun, who is the only normal crimson demon.

"..."

No, recently Yunyun has become someone who will willingly go out with a delinquent like Dust. Even if it's only pretend, I can't say that Yunyun is 100% normal anymore.

We moved on from Sakunori-san's booth and looked around at the other booths.

In the food stalls, the dishes weren't too unusual although some of them served signature foods that were distinctly crimson demon.

Dishes like sword-beak cheeper broth ramen, blue-winged walloper stir fry noodles, and the now famous crimson demon spicy beer that is gaining popularity outside of the village.

If I remember correctly, it has become Dust's favorite drink and he'd spend all the money he manages to scrounge up on the peculiar spicy beer.

As for the game booths, there were the usual festival games such as target shooting and goldfish scooping—although in this case, the goldfish were quite high-levelled for some reason and had elite defensive specs despite its small form.

One had to weaken the formidable goldfish possessing high survival instincts with various means in order to capture it. As a result, the goldfish will usually suffer before it is captured.

What a strange and cruel 'game'.

I'm beginning to see a disturbing pattern with the 'games' that are popular in this town.

There were children and young people around Megumin's age group, the ones who weren't helping their parents run their booths, who were participating in the festivities. They were wearing clothes that looked like a cross between kimonos and mage robes.

As we passed by, various stall owners who were featuring their shop's merchandise called out to us,

"Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san! Check out this enchanted knife! It is designed to pierce through the toughest armor! It can even pierce through the adamantite armor that the royalty wear for combat! I assure you of its effectiveness!"

"Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san! Look at this! These are my family's most potent poisons! One of which is a poison that is said to be especially effective in killing those of royal descent! It will surpass even the royal family's superhuman immune system! The king didn't want to sample the poison for some reason, but I assure you of its effectiveness!"

"Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san! Check this out! This is a helmet that works especially well when worn by those of the royal lineage! The material is comprised of Regalite metal which is known to react well with the natural magic resistance aura those of royal blood emit! It will protect the wearer from even the most high levelled attack magic! Ah… But this is still in its trial stage. I can't assure you of its effectiveness…"

The one item that is actually beneficial doesn't even work.

Actually, rather than 'beneficial', it is the only item that doesn't function to eliminate and dispatch those with royal blood.

And did they really make the king pass through this street filled with terrorist weapons?

In an attempt to 'honor' him, they will go so far as to terrorize the poor man.

"Even though I came here to prevent such political mishaps from occurring… This is too much for me to handle… Ugh…"

Even Darkness who relishes being caught up in difficult situations is showing empty eyes.

The disillusioned crimson demons, Dodonko and Funifura, hung their heads low.

"Are we really like…? Is our clan really this bad?! Isn't everyone here a bunch of idiots?! How come I'm only beginning to see this?!"

"Uwaa… I hate this clan! I don't want to be a part of this clan anymore!"

These young girls suddenly entered a rebellious phase.

"Sigh… For Funifura and Dodonko to realize this only now. That's why it's important to step out of your comfort zone and explore the world outside of the village's walls, like I did. These valley girls… Geez, people from the hicks are really… W-Why is Kazuma looking at me like that?"

Megumin is acting like a big-shot city girl now. Even though she will still introduce herself in the usual crimson demon manner, and display a chuuni attitude when talking about her beloved explosion magic.

Furthermore, all these dangerous items out in the open. What if they fall in the wrong hands?

"Excuse me sir, that knife that can supposedly stab through even the royalty's armor… I'm very interested!"

Just as I was thinking that, Aqua approached the stall owners with a stack of Eris in her hands.

I don't remember giving her that much money.

Don't tell me she is using the Kazu-mall company credit card again.

Or even worse, she is extorting money out of Maxim, who is now the general manager of my recently established Kazu-corporation (copyrighted).

"Of course! It will cost you all the money you have in your hands right now! Ah... But, that knife is meant to be held by your dominant hand. Young lady, you are holding it in the wrong hand..."

These terrorist items are literally and figuratively falling into the wrong hands!

"Oh? Like this? Hiyahh!"

"What… What an impressive swing! With an attack like that, this young lady might even be able to kill someone of royal blood?! I can definitely assure you of its effectiveness!"

"Gah! Don't say that! Why would you say that?!"

Darkness started hyperventilating after this store owner said such scandalous words out in public.

"Ah… No, I don't need it for any such thing. Sometimes I have trouble pulling the cork out from the wine bottle's neck. I think this knife will help me with that! It's better than using Kazuma's useless Chunchun-something!"

Aqua said this while leaning towards the booth owner as if she's whispering, even when we can clearly hear her.

And what's this about my chunchunmaru? Aqua, you're using the legendary weapon of the hero Satou Kazuma-sama as some kind of bottle opener?

"R-Right… Well, that will cost the young lady 2, 000, 000 eris…"

I intervened just as the transaction was about to be made.

"Stupid goddess! You're not going to spend a small fortune on a deadly weapon like that only to use it as a bottle opener! And what's wrong with my chunchunmaru?! Why are you not satisfied with my chunchunmaru?!"

"Wah?! Kazuma?! Stop shaking meee!"

Aqua yelled as I violently shook her.

I was starting to reach my breaking point.

I've almost forgotten that this place can easily drive anyone crazy.

"Kazuuuma-saamaaa! Please stooop!"

 **Part 4**

When I said 'this place can drive anyone crazy'…

"…Ah, Kazuma-san and his party. It seems that you've also come for this, um, 'festival'. I am very grateful. Ahahahaha! Hah… I've made a terrible mistake coming here, didn't I? Ehe.. Haha… Ha…"

The king said while laughing to himself in a slightly crazed way.

…I didn't think that even the king would lose his marbles.

Between seeing his own daughter crumble to dust in front of his own eyes only to find that it's some kind of children's game, and then witnessing a bunch of friendly faced store owners casually display items that can easily terminate him and his family…

It's no wonder that the king is all ashen faced and looking at us with dead eyes.

We have been received at the village chief's mansion. The king and his entourage was also received much earlier. They are now situated in a reception hall.

While the decorations are not lavish, the flair and eccentricity of the crimson demon clan is portrayed by the arrangement and furnishings. There are circular tables arranged into rows in the hall. Tasteful red cloths were draped over the tables.

Instead of the conventional chandelier, a parade of levitating candles and lamps lazily circuit above us.

Seated among the tables are various crimson demons. There are not a lot of people in this village so I don't know how they filled the tables here while also having a busy festival outside.

The most likely answer is that they are using [Golem Creation] and [Illusion] to fill up some seats. It is not so farfetched to assume the crimson demons will resort to such means for the sake of looking cool.

The king's entourage consists of Claire and a green haired girl who had a crossbow slung across her back. I've only seen this girl a couple of times, the first time was during that tournament in the capital. If I remember correctly, she is the king's top assassin, Lucie.

She seems like the quiet type and didn't bother to meet my eyes when I glanced over her. She is standing obediently behind the king in a somewhat unapproachable, but not impolite manner.

Claire was a lot more expressive than her fellow bodyguard, however, and said,

"My majesty… I say that we deal with these crimson demons before they finally lose their minds and turn against us…!"

It looks like Claire has a bad impression of the crimson demons. Based on what I've seen so far of this 'festival', I can somewhat sympathize.

"Hello. Would you like another blue-fin walloper sandwich?"

As Claire had been sharing her plans to eliminate this clan full of potential terrorists to the king, a crimson demon carrying a serving tray accidentally interrupted her.

Was that on purpose or was it really an accident?

Knowing these crimson demons, they won't be offended if the king views them as a threat. They will take it as a compliment.

"A-Ah! T-Thank you. Yes, this blue-fin walloper sandwich is indeed delicious! The blue-fin walloper stir fry noodles from the booths outside was also quite nice! Ahahaha… Kazuma-sama, please save us!"

"O-Oi! Get off me!"

Claire went from speaking in a polite, thankful tone, to desperately clutching onto my clothes once the server left out of earshot.

The prideful Claire asked for my help even when she doesn't get along with me. She must have suffered greatly during her short stay in this village.

Come to think of it, even the docile Rain-san was corrupted by this place.

And the devil king's daughter, Maouko, went so far as to launch an all-out offensive on this vexing clan.

In response to the Claire who is now beginning to become hysterical, the king said,

"N-Now, now, Claire… We are guests here and I'm sure the villagers mean well. We are the rude ones who announced our intention to visit without much warning. It is quite impressive that the villagers have prepared so many a-a-attractions for… for… Wahhh!"

The king suddenly let out a lamenting cry as he held his face in his hands.

"Iris…! Wahhh! Daddy is sorry he couldn't save youuuu!"

We all averted our gaze respectfully as the king broke down crying.

"M-M 'lord! I also suffered from that cruel prank! Ah, but even when it's an illusion, Princess Iris is still quite… Ehehe… It's a good thing I preserved some of that dust in a vial and… I-I mean… No more of this! I'm taking these tactless crimson demons down!"

What was that about preserving something in a vial?

Will this thirsty noble get over her Iris fixation already? Isn't she approaching the age of 'expiration'? If she doesn't hurry up and marry someone, she will become a Christmas cake at this point.

Speaking of Christmas cakes…

Darkness was shaking slightly when she stepped up to the king.

"M' lord. You are correct in saying that these crimson demons mean well, so please don't hold a grudge against them…"

"Lalatina… Yes, you're right. As always, your words soothe me."

The king looked at the girl who he once requested to become the queen of this country, with admiration in his eyes.

Ah, your highness, please don't compliment her. Can't you see how she's shaking?

I bet she's actually thinking something along the lines of…

"P-Please tell me! As a father who saw his own daughter die in such a horrific way and being helpless to stop it… That torture! How did it feel like?! Please don't spare any details!"

"E-Eh?"

Yes, like that.

The king might have high regards for this fake noble for some reason, but she is like this.

Please don't casually hand over the nation to someone like her!

To Darkness who is now shaking in ecstasy and showing a lewd face to the king, Claire said,

"L-Lalatina-dono! Cease this… this… this Thot-like behavior this instance!"

"U-Unhand me, Claire-dono! I must know, your highness, I must know!"

As Claire struggled to deal with Darkness, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around to see a very contented looking village chief. His face is flushed a merry red.

"Ah! Kazuma-san! I didn't think you would come! But of course, where Megumin goes, Kazuma-san will follow? Ahahaha! I'm just joking, please don't be offended… Ahahaha!"

He's drunk and I can smell the crimson demon spicy beer in his breath.

Should the leader of the village be this drunk in the presence of royalty?

And his hand is patting my shoulder but he's touching me in a weird way.

Oh, that's right. The village chief will get very lewd when he's drunk. It doesn't matter the gender, he will get very handsy-feely.

"Ah, village chief. It has been a while."

Megumin said as she gave a slight nod to the village chief.

"Hmm, hmm. Yes, Megumin, it has been a while. Doesn't it seem like Megumin has grown a lot since then? Ah, no, it is only Megumin's hair that has grown longer. Ah… Poor Megumin. I know that you have a bit of a rivalry with my daughter, Yunyun… It must be a sad for you since she's beaten you in terms of… Being a woman?"

"…Hah?"

Taken off guard by the chief's words, Megumin responded with a blank look.

"Oh, I've had the pleasure of meeting my Yunyun's amazing boyfriend! What an exemplary man he is! So polite and knowledgeable in many topics! Ah, but never mind. Speaking of the king, I must entertain my important guest! If you will excuse me…"

The chief said as he turned and walked over to the king, who managed to look even more depressed when he saw the chief make his way over.

Beside me, Megumin's expression was unreadable.

"Saying that Yunyun beat me as a woman even though I'm the one who actually has my lover, Kazuma, over here. Ah, my lover, Kazuma, why don't we greet Yunyun who is sitting so smugly over there with her 'amazing boyfriend', Dust?"

Megumin grabbed me by the hand and pulled me towards Yunyun's table.

I looked towards my support team, Darkness and Aqua, for help. However, Darkness was currently trying to mediate the conversation between the king and the chief and Aqua had already ditched us and made friends with the bartender.

As we approached, Yunyun's eyes widened when she saw the scary face of Megumin.

"Eek! Megumin?! Why is Megumin making that kind of face?!"

Megumin dragged me down to a chair as she took her own seat.

In a rare sight, Yunyun is wearing formal wear, a navy blue evening dress that showed off her womanly curves. She also has her hair all the way down, giving her even more of a mature look.

Frankly speaking, Yunyun looked very beautiful.

"Ah… Kazuma and Megumin has arrived. I do apologize for going ahead of your party, Kazuma, but 'Yun-chan' over here was in quite a hurry. Mmn… You must simply try this authentic crimson demon spicy beer. It is quite delicious…"

Sitting next to Yunyun is a debonair individual wearing a stylish three-piece suit.

"Yunyun, who is this guy?"

"Ara, ara. Kazuma never fails to have a delightful sense of humor. It is obviously me, Dust."

No way. This lady killer who has his hair styled back and had one arm flirtatiously, but respectfully, wrapped around Yunyun's waist as he's moderately sipping on crimson demon spicy beer, can't be the Dust I know.

We both stared at these two who looked like supermodels right now.

Compared to them, Megumin and I are still wearing our adventuring gear. And mine is all dirty from my encounter with 'Iris'.

"Um... Isn't Megumin and Kazuma-san going to take a seat? And why are you both staring at us so intently?"

"O-Oh. Yeah…"

Megumin's fire died down as she came across this intimidatingly beautiful Yunyun.

We meekly took our seats across this power couple.

"Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san! Our plan worked! I don't know how but it worked! Dust-san made quite the impression on my father! My father was even impressed when Dust-san showed him his dragon!"

Yunyun excitedly recounted her father's first meeting with Dust.

"Ah… Speaking of which, I hope that the stable hands are taking care of my dear Nuynuy. That little wyvern has gotten quite attached to me."

"…Please stop calling her 'Nuynuy' already, Dust-san."

"Oh? Is 'Yun-chan' embarrassed? How cute."

"Geez! Dust-saaann~!"

"…" x 2.

Aren't these two supposed to be faking their relationship?

Then why did it feel like this fake couple is beating Megumin and I, who are supposedly a real couple, in terms of flirting and building a good mood?

"Ah, 'Yun-chan', you have something on your face."

"Oh! Sorry…"

"Let me get it off…"

"Dust-san…"

"…" x 2.

Can this lovey-dovey couple die already?

 **Part 5**

…The reception party continues.

As Megumin and I are silently glaring daggers at the annoying couple, a voice called out to us.

"Yunyun-chan~! I don't think I've introduced you and Dust-kun to the highness yet right~? Come over here already~! Ah, your highness, would you like some of our specialty crimson demon spicy beer? It's quite delicious!"

"No thank you. I am allergic to spicy foods…"

A couple tables away, the village chief beckoned for Yunyun to come over. Beside him, the king looks relieved that he doesn't have to deal with the chief all alone anymore.

Darkness also looks like a part of her has died inside. Claire is looking pretty much the same.

The only one who didn't seem disturbed in some way is Lucie. Although, she does look a bit more guarded than before.

Just what had the chief been telling the king?

As the chief called for her, Yunyun looked towards me in a panic.

"Kazuma-san! What do I do?! This is the first time I've met someone this important!"

In response, Megumin said,

"Oh? Even though Yunyun has always been in the company of one such as myself, the great explosion user that is revered by the mage community? One who was asked to come as a guest speaker for the 50th annual Mage-con held in the capital?"

This was the first time I heard of that.

"Kazuma-san! What should I do?!"

Megumin was ignored. To the panicking Yunyun, I said,

"Since we are quite familiar with the king, Megumin and I will come with you two."

Reassured somewhat, Yunyun stood, followed by Dust. I made to follow them.

"Ah. Go ahead, Kazuma. I don't want to drag down the beautiful Yunyun who already has a lover. I will go ahead and join my fellow bachelorettes over there, that table of girls who have been looking at Yunyun enviously this whole time."

Megumin pointed to a table where Dodonko, Funifura and Arue were seated.

Hey, that was quite mean.

To call Arue a jealous bachelorette is uncalled for.

We parted ways and I followed Yunyun to the king's table.

Darkness gave me a look with eyes drained of life as I sat beside her.

"The village chief… He's been talking all this while about the ease in which the clan usually dispatches of the former devil king army troops… Casually showing off to the king who lost a lot of his men in the war against the devil king is…"

As expected of one who is the village chief of the crimson demons. Out of all of them, he is the most tactless and idiotic.

As we took our seats and the chief made the introductions, the king's eyes widened a little as he was introduced to Dust.

"Hm… I feel like I've seen this man before…"

As the king said this, Lucie, who looks even more guarded than she was previously, leaned down towards the king and whispered something to his ear.

"I see. I thought I recognized you… Calling yourself 'Dust' in this nation, huh? To see the legendary Dragon Knight here is…"

"Gah! Please don't say anymore! Here, why don't you drink this, your highness?!"

"...Hmph?!"

As the king was saying something interesting, Dust suddenly stood up and shoved his mug of spicy crimson demon beer into the king's mouth.

"!"

Suddenly acting in a rough manner against the king…!

"Dust-san?! What are you doing?!"

Yunyun exclaimed in shock as Dust forcefully made the king swallow a mouthful of the beer.

It seems that the suave personality Dust showed earlier was just an act.

No, that much is expected. And I know that Dust is unreasonable at times but there's a limit to how unpredictable one can act.

Seriously… What the hell is he doing?

Does he want his head chopped off?

"A-Ah! Well, the king looked very thirsty so I thought I'd share my drink with him! Drink up, your highness! This is the famous crimson demon spicy beer! It's very delicious! Make sure to drink all of… IT?!"

Dust dropped his mug as Lucie, who had been standing behind the king and hasn't moved from her spot the whole time, drew her crossbow.

"Let go of the majesty this instant… Dragon Knight."

Although a bit slow to react, Claire stood up from her seat beside the king and drew her long sword.

And once again, the term 'Dragon Knight' was mentioned.

I have been willfully ignoring it until now, the matter of Dust's true identity. Probably since I can't see him as any more than Axel's resident delinquent.

Nonetheless, it seems like this important matter I had been trying to ignore is now coming to light in the worst way possible. In a bid to protect his secret, Dust reacted in such an unpredictable manner.

"…"

In this tense moment, the lively atmosphere of the reception hall has gone to a dead halt.

But that only lasted a little while...

"Uwohh?! A fight?! A fight is about to break out?! How exciting! The crimson blood flowing through my veins is boiling!"

"My eye! My eye which contains the ancient god is… The seal is breaking! Everyone, you must run away!"

"Ugh! I can't control my bloodlust! Very well, I must unleash the inner fury trapped within!"

Taking this opportunity to show off, the chuunis stood from their seats and struck their poses.

"E-Everyone, calm down! There's no fight going on! This is all just a misunderstanding!"

Darkness was quick to try and placate the crimson demons whose eyes are flashing as they got hyped up.

As this was going on...

"Uck!"

Suddenly, the king made a choking sound.

During all this commotion, I failed to notice that the king's face is taking on a shade of red.

He's also gripping his throat with his hands, the universal sign that someone is having trouble breathing.

That… That can't be good right?

Sweat was pouring down his face. Seeing this, Dust said,

"Um… I know that the drink is a bit hot, but isn't that reaction to much?"

"Fool! Don't you know that the king is very allergic to spicy foods! Even so… I've never seen this kind of reaction…"

Claire said to Dust as she tried to give the king some water. However, the king's body was shaking so much that the water only dripped down his lips.

As she examined the condition of her charge, Lucie said,

"…This is because of the way the king was forcefully made to consume the beverage. And this authentic spicy beer made locally by the crimson demons is especially potent. The spiciest 'crimson pepper' is used as the base ingredient. Quick! Do we have a healer here? We can still save him!"

I noticed that when Lucie was talking about the beer being 'forcefully' shoved down the king's throat, she looked at Dust with barely concealed suspicion in her eyes.

The target of that suspicion averted his eyes and said,

"Ah! I-I didn't mean it! Really!"

I looked around for Aqua. If it's that goddess who is only useful for one thing is around, then this incident can be easily sorted out.

Only to find her passed out at the bar.

Useless!

"Darkness! Go get Aqua!"

Darkness nodded as she dashed off to retrieve that poor excuse of a goddess who is never around when you need her.

During all this, Megumin and her friends made their way over to me. Megumin said,

"Kazuma? What's going on?"

"The king seems to be having some trouble after consuming the spicy beer, but don't worry! Even in the unfortunate scenario where the king dies, Aqua is an arch-priest who can resurrect anyone!"

"Don't kill off the king already! There is still hope… Ah!"

Just as Claire started to rebuke me, the king coughed violently again.

"Gack! Hack! Guwack!"

"!"

The king's face is purple now. His tongue is sticking out as his eyes dilated.

This… This really doesn't look very good!

Even the crimson demons who were showing off earlier were starting to look worried.

Lucie hasn't stopped aiming her crossbow at Dust, who is now sweating buckets as he looked around, probably for an exit to run to.

The village chief who hasn't said anything all this while, raised his hand and said,

"Um… Does the king not like our specialty beer, or something?"

This chief is way too oblivious.

He must be joking around to say such a tactless and clueless thing. Either way, this situation is looking pretty bad.

"Kazuma! I have Aqua! She's barely conscious but if we hurry I think we can…!"

"GUCCKKK! HUCCKKK!"

His body lurching from where he was seated, his face now dark purple, the king gave out this distressed choking sound.

And then…

Like a puppet that got its strings cut…

"…Erk…"

After making one last final sound, the king collapsed on the floor with his tongue hanging out.

 **Part 6**

"Ah, I forgot that I had to do something somewhere else! Teleport!"

"I should really attend to my stall! Ah, by the way, about the 'poison that can even kill those of royal blood', it was my wife's idea to sell that, not mine! Teleport!"

"Teleport! Teleport! Ah, this is too slow! I should have spent some points on speed-casting!"

The crimson demons who were showing off earlier were quick to make their exit.

And so we are left in this room.

"..."

The unmoving body of the king is laid out in front of us.

"Wait! What are those handcuffs for! Darkness-san?! Wait, get that crossbow away from me!"

Seeing Darkness and Claire apprehend Dust, Yunyun was quick to offer her support. She said,

"W-Wait, this must be a misunderstanding! Dust-san is really not so… bad? He may be despicable in many ways but… I-In any case, please let him go!"

Yunyun's pleas were predictably ineffective. Ignoring Yunyun, Claire said,

"Dragon Knight who goes by the name of 'Dust'. You're under suspicion of committing subversion of the nation! Please come along with us!"

"Ehhh?!"

A familiar scene unfolded in front of me.

"Kazuma, come on man! Say something! What is this 'subversion' they are talking about! Help me out, Kazuma!"

Dust wailed as he was arrested by the duty-bound nobles. When faced with this familiar scene, I can only empathize.

But...

To Dust who is looking at me with pleading eyes…

"I-If only I could have stopped Dust before he committed a terrorist crime! Unfortunately I couldn't stop him in time. That's right. How unfortunate!"

"Kazuma is abandoning me?!"

Empathy only goes so far.

Still, if this situation escalates, this will be very bad.

Right now we are all staring in shock at the king's body lying all limp and pale on the floor.

What a ridiculous event I've stumbled into.

"Huh? What's going on here… Ah? The king is napping? I wanna nap too… Snore… Snore…!"

Finally, the one we have been waiting for, Aqua, has arrived.

She is still drunk and even falling asleep in a moment like this.

"Oi! You wannabe goddess who only has a few moments when she's allowed to shine! Don't pass out on us now! If you heal the king quickly, maybe there won't be any need for him to meet Eris-sama or whichever god is taking her shift right now in heaven!"

"…Huh? What's going… Urp. I feel sick… Bweh!"

Aqua suddenly straightened her posture when she saw the corpse of the king.

However, the sudden movement made her face glow a bright, nauseous green.

"Bweeehhhh…"

"!"

Out of all the places someone can puke on...

And isn't she puking way too much?

No one was able to stop her. We were too shocked by the absurdity of it all to do anything.

…We now stared at the cold, pale corpse of the king of belzerg, now covered in the vomit of a drunkard goddess.

"I'm sorry! Look, I'm sober now after I vomited out some of the alcohol! So Kazuma stop hurting me alreadyyyy!"

Aqua complained loudly as I grinded my knuckle against her skull. I have no problems on taking out my frustrations on this clumsy goddess.

"How… How disrespectful! Really, this whole trip has been a disaster! But… Kazuma-san, your arch-priest comrade is one of the only few people in this country who has mastery of the [Resurrection] spell. Please… Bring m'lord back to life!"

Claire, in a rare display of submissive behavior, bowed herself to us deeply.

No, I'm the one who showed be bowing to you, Claire-sama. It is the stupid me who thought it was a good idea bringing Dust to this trip, Claire-sama.

By increasing the collective idiot score of the group, some kind of disaster like this was bound to occur.

Aqua, Dust and a village full of crimson demons…

What did I expect was going to happen?!

"Really… This troublesome village…!"

I cried out in frustration.

"I feel like Kazuma is making the wrong impression in his mind now. My clan had nothing to do with this."

"No… Don't you see, Megumin?! Our clan finally did it! They finally crossed a line that should never be crossed! I don't even know why we make our beer spicy! I mean, I've never really had it before, but it seems like a pointless addition to a beverage that is perfectly fine as it is!"

It looks like Funifura is still having an identity crisis about the clan she was only recently disillusioned about.

As we slowly devolved into a state of panic, it was Darkness once more who attempted to settle things down.

"Everyone, let's give Aqua some space. She has a perfect track record with the resurrection spell. Although we like to call Aqua all sorts of names, I have no doubt that she…"

"…I-It's not working… Ehe…"

"Ah. Is that so? Then I volunteer to take on all the blame. Please take me to the capital and make an example of me by publicly flogging my naked body. Please! This is the only way!"

Why do I keep giving this Lewdtina the benefit of the doubt?

Aside from that, what is Aqua saying about the spell not working?

As the cheat 'item' I chose to bring along, her healing capabilities are quite literally 'God-tier'.

That ability is her only selling point.

Claire is having the same thoughts as she approached Aqua with a weak smile.

"Um… Aqua-sama? Saying something like 'it's not working'… I misheard that, right?"

Aqua shook her head as she avoided Claire's hysteric gaze.

"Like I said, it's not working! The spell is working fine but something is stopping the king's spirit from coming back to its original body! It is most likely still trapped in heaven... Ah, I know. I bet my kouhai Eris is giving the king some self-serving speech and refuses to let him go. That attention-hogging goddess!"

Can you stop projecting your own selfish tendencies to the pure Eris-sama, Aqua?

But, if that is really the case and something in heaven is preventing the king from coming back to his body…

"Perhaps I should go over to Eris-sama's realm and check."

As I said this, Megumin's brows furrowed and she said,

"Going to Eris-sama's realm… Doing so will require Kazuma to end his life, right? Even if he can be resurrected by Aqua, we have seen with the king that the spell doesn't work 100% of the time. What if it doesn't work?"

She looked at me with concern as she said that.

"As expected of Kazuma-san! What creative thinking! Here, this poison that is even said to work on the advanced immune system of royalty should do the trick…"

Why is the chief casually telling me to KMS?

"No! I will do no such thing! The truth is, the last time I visited Eris-sama's realm after my, um, little accident in the palace, I had the idea of registering Eris-sama's realm in my teleportation scrolls…"

In order to teleport, with the spell or with the use of a scroll or some other item, one needed to register the intended location. It is not possible to teleport to a place one has not visited or registered.

I got this idea after seeing the lonely Eris-sama who is now developing an obsession on a certain masked devil. After feeling some pity on her, I decided to visit her more and check up on her.

I needed to keep her devil slaying compulsions in check.

"If it's just that, then hurry up, Kazuma! This green haired one hasn't let down her aim ever since! I have a feeling I will be publicly executed at this point!"

"N-No! We won't let that happen! Isn't that right, father?! Even if we have to fight against the entire nation, we must not let them have Dust-san! The… The pride of the crimson demons swirling in my blood will not allow it!"

For the sake of Dust who is struggling against his captors, Yunyun declared these words that could be interpreted as a declaration of war.

'The pride of the crimson demons', huh?

She says that even though most of those crimson demons used 'Teleport' at the first sign of trouble.

"...In any case, I will go ahead and see if there are any problems in Eris-sama's realm."

I said as I took out a scroll of teleportation from my carry bag.

After receiving nods and more pleas from Dust, I activated the spell.

A flashing light surrounded me…!

 **Part 7**

"I don't wanna go back!"

"Eh?"

I had safely arrived to Eris-sama's realm. Surely enough, I saw the king in his spirit form.

He did not seem troubled. In fact, he is resting on the seat across from Eris-sama while eating a bag of chips.

"These 'chips' are quite good! As expected of the food of the gods!"

Come to think of it, Aqua had been eating some chips and snacks when I first visited her realm.

Maybe I should ask Eris-sama to give me some snacks from Japan next time as a souvenir.

I looked away from the king who is lazily sitting on his chair while stuffing his face with snacks.

I turned my gaze to Eris-sama who is looking at the king with some exasperation.

"Kazuma-kun… I mean, Kazuma-san? What are you doing here?"

I explained about how I registered her realm as a teleport destination, and more importantly, about my business for coming here.

In reply, Eris-sama scratched her cheek uneasily and said,

"Well, as you can see, the king refuses to go back…"

Yes, I can definitely see that.

The king who had always been dignified and had an air of regality is now reminding me of a certain slovenly goddess.

He is slouching on his chair and there are chip crumbs stuck on his beard.

"Burp! Ah, Eris-sama, I want some more."

"Right…"

Eris-sama snapped her fingers and some more snacks appeared on the king's lap.

How convenient…!

No, now is not the time to be impressed or jealous of this king who is now stuffing his face with nostalgic snacks from my childhood.

"Um, your highness… I know that you would rather not deal with the crimson demons for some time, trust me, I know your pain! But, we need you to come back now…"

"I refuse."

He answered me flatly with a stern look in his gaze.

I would have been more intimidated if there wasn't strawberry milk dripping down his chin.

"Does Kazuma-san even know how stressful it is to run a nation? Worrying about external and internal conflicts. As if running the daily affairs is not hard enough, there are all sorts of schemes and dirty work to be done behind the scenes. For this reason, I have been grooming Jatis to take up the throne since his childhood. But to think that he'd turn out to be… to be some lolicon, siscon freak! Doing things like harvesting the bathwater of Iris-chan after she has done bathing, or taking her panties and seeping it in hot water and making 'panty-tea', or creepily staring at her while she is sleeping… I've had enough! I've seriously come close to throwing that no good prince in the dungeon! I seriously hoped that Lalatina would accept my offer, and she can take over after I retire… But…"

The king is talking as if Darkness will do a better job than Jatis. But he is overlooking the fact that Darkness has degenerate qualities as well.

Furthermore, what is this 'panty-tea' thing the king mentioned…?

I'm somehow a bit interested!

"I understand the highness's troubles now. We can discuss this some more after we head back..."

"I told you, I don't wanna! Don't wanna, don't wanna, don't wanna!"

The king started stomping his feet like some kind of brat…!

To think that the king of this nation has a bratty quality in him.

It seems that it's a universal rule for all nobility to possess some kind of troublesome hidden quality.

In the face of my stubborn opposition, I attempted to reach a compromise. I said,

"Fine! Since it seems that the king wants to play around for a bit in Eris-sama's realm, we can give you a day off! That seems fair."

"Um, please don't use my realm as a place to hang out…"

After Eris-sama silently complained, the king looked up from his snacks and said,

"Ah, no. I'm really not going back. I will peacefully pass on to heaven and be reunited with my wife, the late Lady Belzerg."

"E-Eh…?"

Looking at me seriously for the first time since I got here, the king said this absurd thing.

 **…**

 **...**

 **Chapter 21 END**

 **Next Chapter: A Civil War for this Terrorist Village!**


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: A Civil War for this Terrorist Village!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreader: Marv**

 **Part 1**

"Ah, no. I'm really not going back. I will peacefully pass on to heaven and be reunited with my wife, the late Lady Belzerg."

Faced with King Belzerg's stunning declaration, I could only stare in shock.

"I want more snacks please, Eris-sama. Preferably, I would like to once more sample that delicacy called 'potato chips."

"Please drop the subject of snacks for now, Your Majesty. Clearly, there are more important matters to address here!"

"Here's the potato chips…"

"Oh! Thank you very much, Eris-sama. I would also like some more of that iced neroid-like substance from earlier."

Completely caught up in his pace, Eris-sama is acting like one of King Belzerg's attendants.

He is bossing around the deity of his own nation…

I hope he doesn't get bad karma for this.

There seems to be no sense in trying to rationalize to the king right now.

Instead, I turned to Eris-sama who is, during all this, forcing herself to smile while her face is slightly twitched.

Whispering to Eris sama, I said,

"It appears that the king has lost his marbles. As the one with the authority, being a goddess who is above any mortal, even if they are royalty, please command him to return to his obligations back in the physical realm…"

"If I had the option, I would have expelled him out as soon as senpai finished casting [Resurrection]. However, as a goddess, I am obligated to adhere to the requests of souls that have perished from their original world."

"I see. Even though Eris-sama often breaks the rules at her leisure and comes over to the other world to play around…"

"What is… What is assistant-kun… I mean, Kazuma-kun… I mean, Kazuma-san implying?! This doesn't have anything to do with that at all! Unlike taking advantage of loopholes to get around certain rules, I can't do something absurd like reject a soul who wants to move on into the afterlife!"

This certainly is different than having the higher-ups turn a blind eye to someone who was resurrected into the same world twice, such as in my case.

The one responsible for those resurrections, after all, is the 'item' I brought along with me, Aqua.

Just like using a legendary demonic sword to slay dragons, using the abilities of the goddess of debt and party tricks is within reason.

"All Kazuma-san can do now is try to convince the king to come back."

Don't make me try to reason with that man, who is now wriggling his body in a weird way, while saying 'so yummy!', as he's indulging in snacks.

"Your Majesty, please think about your country."

For now, I will appeal to his sense of duty.

"The country is doomed. Nothing I can do about it. The previous war with the Devil King was a big part of our economy, and now it's over. There will be an unprecedented population boom now that the citizens feel it's safe to build families… Will we be able to handle that? The adventurers that were regarded as front-line heroes are now doing shady work just to make ends meet, and some of them even made some kind of vigilante group called the 'League of Justice', some time ago."

I averted my eyes at the mention of that organization I was once a part of.

"Um, I'm sure it will take a while to shift the country's economic and cultural identity from 'wartime' to 'peacetime', but it's certainly possible! Almost all countries have to go through this change. And in regards to that 'vigilante group', I hear that these days they are busy doing other things…"

Those guys are currently under my employ in 'Kazu-Mall', after all.

If his king doesn't care about duty anymore, then...

"Anyways, aside from matters of the kingdom, what about Your Majesty's family… Well, at least, please think about Iris!"

I didn't acknowledge the existence of Prince Jatis, as that siscon prince is one of the main reasons why His Majesty doesn't want to return.

"It pains me to say this, but I am hardly a father to Iris. In my effort to become a great king, I have neglected one of the greatest pleasures of life. If I come back, it will be more of the same. Plus, she is in capable hands now."

He looked at me purposely.

There's no way for me to understand the perspective the king is coming from.

I am not a king, nor am I a father.

For me to criticize him for his choice to leave Iris in the hands of others, I don't think I have the right.

Alright. If nothing is working, there's just one more thing...

"...One final thing. If the king leaves now without cleaning up the mess with Dust, he will surely be executed."

"Oh, him. I don't care about that guy."

"Apologize to 'that guy', right now!"

Turning away from me haughtily, the king munched on his potato chips loudly, as if trying to drown out my voice with his munching.

"Wouldn't it be better for me if that fellow is 'taken care of'? Kazuma-chan might not know this, but that guy is hiding a big secret. If I let a suspicious guy do whatever he wants in my country, what kind of terrible king would I be?"

"The kind who is ditching his country right now. Also, since when have I been 'Kazuma-chan'?"

"Don't sweat the small details, Kazuma-chan. Ah, I wish Kazuma-chan would have just married Iris and then I could have 'taken care' of that rotten son who is unfortunately the heir to the throne. Or at least, I had hoped that Lalatina-chan would have accepted my offer and married that rotten son… And then I could have 'taken care' of that rotten son and let Lalatina-chan ascend to the throne."

"I don't think I'll be able to look Prince Jatis properly in the eyes if Your Majesty keeps going on like this. Please don't treat your own son so savagely."

I flinched as the king talked about assassinating his own son without breaking out of a neutral expression.

Royalty really do operate on a seperate wavelength.

I must take care to make sure my cute imouto Iris doesn't end up like this.

"..."

No, when I think about it, maybe I've already influenced that girl in a bad way.

"Well, then. Thank you for the visit, Kazuma-chan. And thank you for the warm hospitality, Eris-chan. At this point, I would then like to be reunited with my wife…"

"Calling me with '-chan' too is, um…"

Eris-sama said before she glanced at me questioningly, as if asking if I had any more tricks up my sleeve.

However…

"Rebecca… Becky… I can finally see you."

"..."

After seeing a contented face like that.

What more could I say?

 **Part 2**

"...The procedure is over. Kazuma-san tried his best, but it seems the king's mind was set."

Eris-sama had sat up from her seat and is now cleaning after the mess the king left behind.

Should a goddess really be cleaning after the used juice cartons of a mortal?

From an orthodox heroine, to a tomboy thief, then a raging berserker when demonic beings are involved, and now this pitiful sight of Eris-sama sorting recyclables from normal waste…

"...How image breaking."

"Kazuma-san has been saying all sorts of rude things, hasn't he?! Geez!"

Now pouting, Eris-sama looked away as she held a pile of discarded wrappers in her arms.

I eagerly observed the currently very cute Eris-sama.

"...Now, what is Kazuma-san looking at? Looking at another woman while Kazuma-san already has Megumin-san…"

"Just because a man is already stuck… I mean, involved in a relationship with a woman, doesn't mean that man is forbidden from appreciating the appeals of another…"

"Please stop with that sleazy way of talking or I will give Megumin-san a 'prophecy' of Kazuma-san committing adultery."

"I am impressed that goddesses have that kind of awesome ability, but aside from that, please don't use such a severe word like 'adultery' when I haven't even done anything."

Better yet, instead of a proper mature relationship that I'm supposed to have with Megumin, our tame relations is more akin to that of two children playing 'house', a game of pretend.

Putting the issue of the king aside for now, Eris-sama and I chatted for a bit longer.

I got caught up on her work as the 'Chivalrous Thief', including a disturbing account of her 'demon hunting' expeditions.

She was interested in my relationship with Megumin, so I told her about that.

Blushing as if I was telling her something scandalous, Eris-sama kept saying 'oh, my…'.

It was strange. I felt some form of satisfaction in this kind of idle gossiping.

"I see. It's only been a little while since you both started dating but… Going on daily dates… I-I'm somewhat envious of Kazuma-san and Megumin-san's lovey-dovey lifestyle!"

Lovey-dovey?

Is that really the case?

Calling the normal explosion routine plus a little picnic at the end a date is…

It just seems like Megumin and I are doing the things we normally do.

Isn't that the case?

After our brief chat, I stopped delaying the inevitable and requested that Eris-sama take me back.

"Good luck with all your… Business, Kazuma-san."

Eris-sama reminded me of the reality that I was coming back to.

I had some unpleasant news to deliver to those waiting for me.

Not coming back with the king… If I really wanted to, I could have used [Bind] on him with the new mithril alloy rope I purchased, which is capable of binding astral bodies.

After that, I could have used a [Scroll of Teleportation] and dragged him back to the world of the living, then have Aqua infuse the soul back into the body.

But, I couldn't do such a thing after seeing that contented face.

"Thanks for chatting with me, Kazuma-san. When all this business is over with, make sure to visit now that you have the means to easily do so."

After giving me her signature wink, Eris-sama snapped her fingers.

A bright light surrounded me…

 **Part 3**

When the light died down, I was once again returned to the mortal realm.

"...! Kazuma! He's returned! So, how was your chat with that kouhai of mine? Did she tell you about any interesting gossip spreading around in heaven?"

"Did you think I went there just to gossip? Move aside if you don't have anything important to contribute."

I moved past Aqua who was nonchalant as always despite the tense atmosphere.

"Satou-sama! Please tell me you brought good news!"

"Hey, whoa…!"

Pushing aside Aqua who was blocking the way, Claire appeared in front of me.

Following behind her is Lucie, who is somehow still aiming her crossbow at Dust.

In turn, Dust is cowering behind Yunyun, who is shielding him with a protective stance.

"As you can see, I failed to bring the king back, or rather…"

Without sparing any details, I told them about the king's desire to move on to the afterlife.

"..."

There was silence throughout the room.

"I see. With the king passing away, I have now become Princess Iris's legal guardian… Technically speaking! Don't believe me? I have the documentations right here to prove it! Signed by the king himself!"

Where did your grief about the king's death go to?

And are we sure that this Iriscon isn't somehow pulling the strings behind all this?

"Wait, wait. What do you mean the king won't come back? Won't we get blamed for this incident as well? What will this mean for our clan?!"

Dodonko and Funifura both looked at each other in a panic.

"If… If it comes down to it, we will go to war."

"Yunyun?!"

With the reversal still in effect, it's Yunyun this time who said delusional things.

"Excuse me, as the village chief, let me…"

"You said your name is Yunyun, right? Let's talk about how to proceed from now on…"

"...Very well. I won't back down."

"Um… actually, I'm the village chief…"

The chief got pushed aside as Yunyun and Claire stared each other down.

During all this…

"Kazuma. Do you still have any [Scrolls of Teleportation] on you? If so, please consider retreating for now!"

Just now sensing the air of danger and the tense atmosphere, Aqua began pulling on my clothes.

"How can you even say such a thing, Aqua! As the heroes of this land, it is our duty to handle moments of crises like this!"

This noble feels a sense of duty to her country only at times when it's inconvenient.

Since everyone else in the party voiced their opinion, I turned to the usually noisy one who kept quiet so far.

"Megumin, what's your opinion about all this?"

Well.

Even though I said that out of courtesy, as the team leader, I will make an executive decision.

I'm already palming a scroll in my carry bag right now, as I'm speaking to Megumin.

I hate to admit this, but Aqua and I are having similar thoughts now.

We have to leave before this gets messy…!

Megumin struck a pose while grinning to herself.

"As if I would let my rival, Yunyun, outdo me! Who does she think she is, using this confusion to try and make herself look cool... Hasn't she been a bit too arrogant lately?"

Talking spitefully, Megumin sounds like a has-been actress who is jealous of an up-and-coming rookie in the business.

At this point, I was already about to pull out the scroll.

"And that's why I say we stay here. At least see this problem through. After all, it was Kazuma who helped bring that suspicious man here, right?"

Even if you bring that up now, I won't feel guilty over such indirect correlation.

"In that case, let's stay over at my family's home once more. I haven't played with Komekko for a while now."

We… We can visit at any time! After this mess is over and done with, we can come back!

I'm not feeling guilty at all!

I hurriedly pulled out the scroll and prepared to cast [Teleport]…!

"Ah, since there aren't enough rooms for everyone, I guess Kazuma and I can sleep in my old room again. It was awkward last time, but Kazuma and I are dating now. Wait… Why do you have a [Scroll of Teleportation] in your hands right now, Kazuma?"

"Oh, don't mind me. Just checking if this thing is working. Looks like it's functioning fine. Yes, you two make excellent points, Darkness and Megumin. I'm sorry, Aqua, the truth is, I've already made an executive decision beforehand. We're staying."

At my words, Darkness and Megumin smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Wait! I don't know why, but Kazuma is acting quite strange?! Normally you're the first to suggest we bail ship! I'm not staying! I don't wanna!"

I'm sorry, Aqua.

For a moment there, our thoughts actually aligned a little.

But…!

This so-called 'girlfriend' of mine finally said something lover-like and invited me to stay the night.

Unlike those previous blue balling episodes, I have a feeling this one is different.

After all… We are technically dating now.

I hate having to use uncertain language in regards to our relationship.

But after tonight, maybe I won't have that problem anymore.

As we were having our own discussion, I almost forgot about the much more important diplomatic exchange on the other side.

By the time I decided to pay attention…

Just from looking at them, somehow the situation got even more tense.

"Fine. Suit yourself. We won't take… That man… Into custody. However, please keep in mind that this might not go over so well with the emergency council of elders…"

"...That's fine. And please keep in mind that when it comes down to it, the Crimson Demon clan will never back down from any conflict!"

"You…! Very well. I will make sure to pass on those same words to the elders."

With that, the brutal exchange between Claire and Yunyun concluded.

Turning around, with eyes hard and cold, Claire said to me,

"Will you come with us, Satou-sama?"

"Uh, no, we're thinking of staying, but if you want us to come…"

"Then don't bother, Kazu-trash!"

"O… Oi! How could you just go from 'Satou-sama' to 'Kazu-trash'?! Ow! You… You stepped on my foot, you bitch!"

After shooting me another glare, Claire walked off with Lucie in tow.

"...For now we will have to rely on the Crimson Demon clan to preserve the body of m'lord, but we will return for it, mark my words."

After saying that cliche line, all she was missing was the diabolical laughter.

After unfolding a scroll, with a flash of light, the two vanished.

"Uwaa… Yunyun, you didn't need to do that for me."

After those two left, Dust felt it was safe enough to speak.

"It's my fault that Dust-san was dragged into this mess, so I will protect Dust-san!"

"Yunyun… To think the friendless Yunyun who is sometimes seen talking to plants is actually this strong in spirit…! I'm really im… PRESSED?! Oi, Yunyun?!"

"Ugyoo…"

"What's with that weird sound, oi, Yunyun!"

As if the realization of what she'd just done finally hit her, Yunyun suddenly collapsed on the ground.

"Ah, I thought it was strange that Yunyun was acting like such a big shot!"

Funifura, who had been looking at Yunyun in awe all this time, said this.

 **Part 4**

"Um… Some troublesome stuff happened, but please leave it to us, Kazuma-san. And don't worry about Yunyun. She only needs to rest."

With those words, the village chief brushed aside the political crisis he suddenly found himself dragged into.

He offered us rooms in the mansion, but I was quick to decline the offer.

Without anywhere else to go, Dust stayed in the mansion.

"Megumin's home is in poor condition, as always. Why won't you let Kazuma at least loan your parents some funds, Megumin?"

"I see, now. Darkness, the noble brat who lead a privileged life, is secretly laughing at the poor me."

"Only Megumin can assume that kind of terrible thing about another person! This cold girl! I'm only just concerned about the quality of life of your own family!"

Darkness who was discreeetly whispering for the sake of confidentiality, suddenly increased the volume of her voice.

As we were right outside the house, the madam of the household, Yuiyui-san, must have heard Darkness' voice, as she suddenly opened the door.

Realizing that the madam heard her from inside, Darkness blushed and lowered her head, even making an embarrassed 'uuuu~' sound.

"Oh, my. Are the festivities over already? I didn't expect Megumin and everyone to come here so early. Rather, if everyone isn't already tired and asleep…"

"Then you'll have to use magic to knock them out, right, mother? Fear not, Kazuma and I will sleep together tonight."

"!"

Bluntly saying that in front of her own mother!

And if Megumin is saying something like 'Don't worry, mother, there's no need for you to intervene', then this is really 'that', isn't it?!

My support group has come to the same conclusion. They frantically looked between me and Megumin.

Come to think of it, when Megumin invited me earlier, they didn't have any strong reaction.

I see.

They must have assumed that this is just another blue balling prank and didn't think much of it.

Like a fan-base that was trolled too hard and too much, and has grown pessimistic of any 'developments' that are obviously a bait.

But, this time I can really sense it…!

This time, it will turn out differently, I'm sure!

If not…

Then this time I will call out to the madam and ask for assistance.

Even if I do something, the courts will side with the me who is already in a relationship with the victim… I mean, with Megumin.

I have also received the blessing of her mother.

To tie it all up, I was even personally invited by the vict… I mean, Megumin, to sleep in her room.

"Kazuma, what are you waiting for? Come in already."

Megumin invited me inside.

As soon as we came in, a small blur dashed towards us.

"Nee-chan! Souvenirs! Treats!"

Komekko who hadn't seen her nee-chan in a while, didn't even bother with any greetings and demanded an offering of treats.

"Komekko, it's been quite some time. Hopefully you didn't miss me too much. Ah, wait, it's not in that bag. The treats are over here…"

Ignoring her nee-chan who was having a conversation with herself, Komekko rummaged through the travel bag filled with treats.

Megumin went so far as to pack a separate bag to hold the mountain of treats she purchased for Komekko.

She normally limits her expenses and only uses the party funds for everyday necessities.

Yet she splurged quite a bit on Komekko.

What a siscon.

While not in the same tier as Prince Jastis, still.

What a siscon.

"Oh! Treats! Hey, Komekko-chan, let this pretty nee-san teach you about the importance of sharing… Ow! Why scratch me?!"

"Hiiisss!"

"Wait… Ow! I get it, I get it! I won't touch your snacks, geez…"

After seeing what happened to Aqua, Darkness…

"Kuh! I see… Aqua wasn't exaggerating. Komekko-chan has got some attack power! Even if it's just scratches…"

"Hissss!"

"Kuh!"

Darkness is doing something irredeemable now.

Reaching into the pile of snacks and allowing Komekko to scratch her.

"Darkness, can you restrain yourself from openly using my imouto for your sick fetish?"

"Ah…! Right…"

Disheartened, Darkness pulled her hand away from Komekko.

Aside from the snacks, I also packed some food.

I accounted for the possibility that we might stay for at least a couple nights, and that we might end up staying in Megumin's home.

In fear of having to eat pitiful meals like 'lightly salted soy beans on rice gruel', I brought some quality and fresh ingredients with me.

"Kazuma-san brought so much food! I will cook a meal right away!"

"Mother, I will help you…"

"No, no, take this time to prepare yourself mentally for… I mean, why don't you catch up with Komekko for now…"

This madam is too obvious.

 **Part 5**

"How could this be… It appears that my husband fell asleep right away. He must be tired from working the stall all day. Why don't we take that as our cue to catch some sleep as well?"

Hyoizaburo-san came home only to suddenly pass out in a suspicious manner.

His limp body was then carried to the master bedroom by some animated golems raised by the madam's [Golem Creation] spell.

Fearing that they are the next targets, my support team pulled me aside to talk.

"Are you sure about this, Kazuma?! Are you sure you want to do this?! Remember, there's no need to rush! Megumin will be 15 in about half a year, now that I think about it. Why not wait until then?!"

"What… Whatever happens, if Kazuma or Megumin somehow regrets what happens, I hear there is an elixir that will make people forget their memories from the last few hours, days or even weeks depending on the quantity consumed! Along with that, I can always repair what has been 'broken', if you catch my meaning, with my magic…"

While Darkness is panicking and making impossible requests like 'wait for half a year', Aqua is actually offering some valuable advice for once.

"...For now, I will go with the flow. As for how Megumin feels, she has already made her feelings known and went out of her way to invite me. It would be rude to her if I don't do at least this much."

"Why is Kazuma acting like he's the one doing Megumin a favor? You mentioned Megumin's feelings, but come to think of it, we haven't heard a confession from Kazuma yet, right? Don't let your lust take control of your actions, Kazuma!"

"Letting my lust… I don't want to hear that from Darkness who was just provoking Komekko to attack her earlier."

"Kuh! Well… That's besides the point… Listen! I really care about you two and… Hahhh… Wahhh… ZZZzzzZZZ…"

"How strange. One of Megumin's companions just suddenly collapsed. I hope she didn't dent the floor…"

As if saying, 'your time's up', the madam cut our little conference short.

The one who butted in on that first night, Komekko, is also sleeping now, carried by the madam over her shoulder.

This time, the madam isn't taking any chances and eliminated all the obstacles.

"Ah, Aqua-san. Megumin is brushing her teeth upstairs. Why don't you join her and brush your teeth before going to sleep?"

"As a goddess of water, the water I produce is so pure, it can rinse away plaque more effectively than traditional forms of dental hygiene. So I don't need to… Hahhh… Wahhh… ZZZzzzZZZ…"

Aqua who couldn't catch a clue is also now down for the count.

"..."

"I think Kazuma-san already knows what to do without me having to tell him. Right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

I was quick to reply.

The madam is now circling around me predatorily.

"ZZZzzzZZZ…" x2.

With Komekko sleeping on her shoulder, and occasionally stepping over Aqua's unconconscious body on the ground, she kept circling me.

"As for technique, Kazuma-san doesn't need worry about that. It's still the first time. And please don't be worried too much about endurance, too."

"Ah, no. I wasn't really worried about that…"

Do I seem like the type to worry about those things?

"And pulling out is absolutely forbidden."

"No, I have to practice some amount of caution…"

"Absolutely forbidden."

"..."

There's no point in arguing.

"Megumin should be done washing up right now. Please hurry and come upstairs. And Kazuma-san... Please enjoy your meal."

"Thank… Thank you for the meal!"

After that pep-talk from the madam, I climbed the stairs.

I climbed the stairs… The stairs of adulthood.

I stopped by the bathroom to wash up a little, and to check my appearance in the mirror.

"..."

I suddenly became self-concious of my plain face.

Shaking my head, I shrugged off my insecurities.

Saying to myself, 'Just dooooo itttttt!', I headed over to Megumin's room.

I opened the door…!

"ZZZzzzZZZ…"

Why are you sleeping, too?!

If this is going to be another blue balling scene, I will pick a fight with someone!

After using the [Detect Magic] skill, I didn't sense the madam's influence on Megumin.

She just naturally fell asleep.

"This girl…"

If it's like this, then there's nothing I could do.

I slid into the bedsheets, and laid beside her, all while sighing at my bad luck.

I can feel her warmth beside me.

Her soft breathing… Her fragrance…

"..."

Crap.

Even with only this much stimulation, my body is ready!

Damnit!

This really is just another blue balling scene, isn't it?!

Stop messing with me already!

I fidgeted under the sheets as agitation came over me.

Even though I said I can do outrageous things with or without Megumin's full consent…

I'm just not that kind of person.

And if it's Megumin, I want to do things properly.

...They keep bugging me about never having confessed.

But, at least to me, it's already obvious, isn't it?

Does it really need to be said?

This girl, even before I became conscious of her, was the one I spent the most time with.

The one whose company I sought most.

Getting so comfortable in her company that, even before we started 'dating', we had gone on date-like events on a regular basis, without being aware of it.

That's what Eris-sama implied, right?

Geez.

What's wrong with me?

With everything going in on the village, in the midst of all this confusion and potential political strife…

I can only think about Megumin.

It's like…

Even before the sight of an awe-inspiring explosion that can shape the landscape, my eyes are always gravitated to her.

Her fluttering hair and mantle…

The joy of having cast her beloved spell, in her shining red eyes.

Damn it.

Confessing… As if I can say all this embarrassing stuff out loud!

Much less to her!

I don't know how Megumin managed to pull this off!

Maybe that's why I want to have a physical relationship so badly.

Rather than for the sake of doing it, or satiating my curiosity…

I just want to be able to show her, in some way…

"...Megumin! Listen! About you, I…!"

"ZZZzzzZZZ…"

"Can you wake up already?!"

Hah.

I don't know why I got my hopes up.

Only a stupid person will keep expecting a development at this point.

It's just another blue balling scene after all…!

 **Part 6**

"...I'm truly very sorry."

...The next morning.

Still in Megumin's old room, we woke up fairly early.

In Megumin's case, she woke up early because she slept early.

In my case, I didn't sleep at all and had been awake the entire time.

Shortly after got up from bed…

"I'm really sorry!"

The proud Megumin is deeply bowing before me.

"Raise your head."

"But… I feel like I did something unforgivable…"

"That's not the case. Really. So please raise your head already."

After finally raising her head, she gave me a worried look.

"Is this really fine, Kazuma? Um…"

She didn't finish her sentence, but blushed instead while scratching her hair in slight frustration.

She's really mad at herself this time.

"Really. Don't worry about it. There's no need to rush. I did a lot of thinking and came to that conclusion. Rather, what I needed to express… I feel like I got it out of my chest. And if Megumin is worried about levelling the playing field, don't worry about that. I got my revenge."

"R… Revenge… Don't tell me?!"

Megumin suddenly turned around away from me and lifted her pajama top up.

"There… There doesn't seem to be any weird writing."

"What? Did Megumin think I wrote something like 'Here is the holy sheath [Avalon]', or something tasteless like that? Don't think that I'd stoop down to your level!"

"That is… Ugh…"

Showing a defeated face, Megumin finally dropped the matter.

"Still… My relations with Megumin have really progressed. Megumin even invited me to go all the way with her…"

"Did… Did I say I was going that far?! Maybe Kazuma has the wrong impression?!"

You're telling me that…

Even if Megumin hadn't fallen asleep, she was gonna blue ball me anyways?

Don't screw with me!

No, actually, please screw with me!

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not so cruel that I'd refuse to give Kazuma any service whatsoever during that kind of atmosphere. I resolved myself to do certain things that don't yet qualify as 'going all the way'..."

"Things such as?!"

I couldn't help myself and leaned towards Megumin with my eyes bugging out.

"You're too close. If you're truly a gentleman, then have some manners and don't ask such sensitive things."

"..."

Let's drop the matter for now.

I have a feeling that we won't get this kind of mood going for a while.

But at the same time I can't handle this roller coaster ride of emotions anymore.

"When I think about it, Megumin must have been quite tired to fall asleep like that."

I didn't mean to sound accusatory, but Megumin flinched when I said this.

"Hm… I guess I've had a lot of things to think about…"

"Tiring yourself out while thinking about explosions, huh?"

"That's not all I think about and you know it. Stop teasing me. Of course, I am thinking about the crisis involving my clan…"

"Oh… Yeah, right. That."

"...? Is Kazuma still half-asleep? To forget about the conflict… Want some water?"

I wish I was at any point even half-asleep during that restless night.

I am only thinking of lewd stuff when there's impending danger.

Could it be that Megumin invited me to her room as a way to relieve some of her stress?

Uwa…

I feel somewhat guilty now!

Somehow the severity of the moment eluded me.

The priorities of a young man are pretty screwed up sometimes.

I will readily admit this myself.

I placed my hand on Megumin's shoulder comfortingly.

Feeling the contact, she turned her head towards me and smiled.

"Since the night-raid failed, feel free to raid me on this beautiful morning."

"For now, I will pretend Kazuma said that to lighten the mood."

Soon, we got up from bed and prepared ourselves for the long day ahead.

As soon as we came out of the door…

We saw Yuiyui-san passing by our room.

"..."

She just glared at us and walked away.

None of the usual subtle threats, but somehow I feel worse just from that one look!

Usually, even when she is unleashing savage remarks, the madam will always have on a fake smile that doesn't really reach her eyes.

This is the first time she let her true emotions known.

"...Breakfast is ready."

So cold!

I'm sure the weather is pretty hot outside but in here it's so cold!

Without knowing what else to do, we washed up a bit before heading to the dining room.

Darkness and Hyoizaburo-san were already seated around the table.

Aqua and Komekko are probably still sleeping.

"Kazuma-san! I knew you could do it! I had faith in you! Thank you for enduring the temptations and my wife's devious… Ah! Hot, hot, hot!"

"I'm sorry, darling, my hand slipped!"

The madam is saying that even as she's currently pouring coffee over the mister's head.

"What a waste of good coffee!"

"..."

Darkness is frozen still and not daring to say anything.

"Sit down, Kazuma-san, and enjoy this fresh harvest of fruits…"

"Err…"

The madam placed a plate in front of me.

It's a plate holding two large, blue fruits.

"I hope you enjoy your blue balls… Ah, I mean, blueberries."

"Um, thanks for the… MEAL?!"

"Here let me cut them for you! There's a lot of juice inside!"

The madam smiled wickedly as she stabbed down on my blue balls… I mean, blueberries with a knife!

...Somehow, I endured breakfast.

Once Aqua woke up, we left the house to escape the madam's wrath.

"Ah, wait, Kazuma-san! I forgot to serve you the cherries! Come get your cherry, boy!"

The madam said even as we quickly walked away.

"Megumin, why didn't you say anything that whole time?! You made me endure all that by myself!"

"There's no need for me to aggro her when Kazuma is already doing a good job."

She said these careless words.

Since there might be some news about the ongoing conflict, we visited the mansion of the village chief.

Inside the mansion, the decorations from the reception party yesterday was already cleared away.

We were led to a living room and seated on a couch that was simple in design but had a sophisticated quality.

In front of the couch is an accent table with a glass vase on the center.

Inside the base are vibrant red flowers that have the color and texture of a rose but the shape of a sunflower.

The chief came back carrying a tray holding a teapot and cups.

After serving us the tea, I sat on a chair adjacent from the couch.

"It's time to gather the war council…"

"This isn't the time to play pretend with your drinking buddies, father! I refuse to let you involve the village deadbeats in this sensitive matter! Also, why is the chief hanging around with the village deadbeats in the first place?!"

As if she was hiding the entire time, Yunyun came out of nowhere and rebuked her father.

"...Isn't my father in the war council as well?"

Megumin said as Hyoizaburo-san was called a deadbeat to her face.

"Don't… Don't underestimate the war council! Don't you know that the leader of the militia force, Buzucoily, was recently appointed to the war council?!"

"That's what I mean! Enough with the war council already! That council of deadbeats and no good NEETs is disbanded from here on out!"

Actually, I remember now that I was also recruited in this war council as a leader of sorts, last time I visited.

I refuse to be included in this sorry bunch.

"Um, village chief-san, if possible, we would like to know if you received any contact from the capital…"

Darkness said, being unusually quiet until now.

Aqua is also quiet but this is due to her still being half-asleep.

"Yes, I did. I received a letter from them via pigeon this morning."

I took the letter from the chief while Darkness and Megumin crowded around me.

"ZZZ…"

Aqua gave in to her temptation and fell asleep on the couch.

"..." x 3.

After reading the letter, our faces darkened.

"They really want to arrest Dust."

"From the looks of it, they want to do more than just arrest him."

Hearing this, Yunyun started waving her arms.

"W-W-We need to do something!"

What happened to that cool Yunyun we saw yesterday?

Reading over the letter once more, Darkness said,

"The tone of the letter comes across as confrontational. I understand that there is some tension, but it almost feels like they are trying to provoke the Crimson Demon clan…"

From Claire's behavior, I didn't find this too strange.

However, the letter wasn't signed by Claire but by the emergency council of elders she mentioned.

"Maybe there's some hidden agenda in the works here…"

"Darkness has her uses sometimes, after all."

"Why you…!"

As Darkness made some noise and glared at me, Aqua started stirring.

"Hm? Where are we right now?"

"Get with the program already!"

I ignored Aqua and faced the village chief again.

"It says in the letter that they will come here at noon. What does the Crimson Demon clan intend to do?"

"...Ah, well, why don't we just see what they want?"

"At least pretend to care."

The chief looked at me with bored eyes. I turned to Yunyun who is more dependable.

"Whatever the case, we can't hand over Dust-san! Who knows what they will do with him?! We should only hand him over on the the condition he is given a fair trial!"

"Speaking of Dust, where is he right now?"

"Oh. He's still sleeping… He drank some more last night since he was so stressed out. Please don't disturb his sleep."

"Please don't do anything drastic for the sake of that hoodlum, Yunyun."

"How can Kazuma-san say that about one of his friends?!"

It's not like I don't care at all about Dust.

The problem is that if I had to choose between Dust and the authority of an entire nation…

I will easily concede to the latter.

"Don't worry, Yunyun. I'm sure we can negotiate something. The Crimson Demon clan is powerful and has a lot of economical value with its magic item production. You should have a fair bit of political sway. You will also have the heroes of this land negotiating with you. I'm sure this will turn out fine."

"Kazuma-san…"

Yunyun looked at me with teary eyes.

"Seeing this dependable side of Kazuma is always a treat."

Megumin said, while giving me a gentle smile.

"Kazuma is a lot of things, but you can really trust him when it counts."

Even Darkness… Uwa. What a heartwarming scene.

"...Kazuma is saying that, but I saw him eyeing the teleportation service as we passed by earlier."

"I thought you were half-asleep?! How did you notice that?! And there are just some things you shouldn't say, tactless goddess!"

"Wahhh! Kazuma-san! Don't abandon us!"

Aqua easily dismantled the slight bit of confidence we were building.

 **Part 7**

...At the borders of the home of the Crimson Demons…

It's time for the meeting with Claire.

"..."

"What's the matter, Kazu-trash? Do you want to say something, Kazu-trash?"

Claire started provoking me for some reason.

Behind Claire and Lucie, in stand-by formation, are the general troops of the kingdom.

They were wearing full knight armor and helmets that cover their faces.

The emblem of Belzerg is painted on their chest pieces.

This sight would have looked intimidating to the normal person…

But to me they looked like a bunch of expendable mooks.

"...Why have you brought a military contingency along with you, Claire-dono?"

"Orders from the council. We are well aware of the volatile behavior of the Crimson Demons. This is a precaution, Lalatina-dono."

"Could it be that Claire-dono is going on a power-trip right now?"

"Hah?! If you want to fight, go ahead and say it to my face, Lalatina-dono!"

"From your confrontational attitude, it seems like that's exactly what you're asking for, Claire-dono!"

As those two butted heads, a familiar figure emerged from behind the soldiers.

"...Pardon me… Pardon me… Ah, Satou-sama. Greetings. I'm afraid that I can't exactly exchange pleasantries right now due to the current situation but… I hope you're doing well regardless."

Rain said while smiling politely.

She took out an envelope from her robes.

"Here is a message from the council."

It was offered to me, but I handed it to the village chief.

He opened the envelope and examined the contents.

"Weird. Same with the letter earlier, there aren't any hidden messages layered under an illusion spell."

"Eh? A prank like that… Why would we do that…?"

Claire broke out of her argument with Darkness and asked the chief in confusion.

"E-Eh? A prank...? Aren't secret messages a standard of letter writing?"

The chief answered with equal confusion.

They speak the same language, but the culture gap is too wide.

All too familiar with the quirks of the Crimson Demon clan, Rain chose not to make any remarks.

After reading the letter, the chief said,

"Um… I understand wanting to take Dust-san into custody, that was mentioned in the previous letter, too. But, what is this condition about the kingdom of Belzerg sending 'ambassadors' to regulate and supervise the operations of the Crimson Demon clan?"

"...This is a condition proposed by the council. They felt that since the Crimson Demon clan is now integrated into the nation, we should have a bit of control with the…"

"Hold… Hold on! We agreed to become, um, partners with the nation of Belzerg, but please understand that the Crimson Demon clan has our own way of doing things!"

The cool Yunyun is returning!

"Grr! It's you again! Very well, village chief's daughter. I will resume the conversation with you."

"...Um, please don't ignore me."

Yunyun and Claire faced each other once more.

And once more, the chief was left out.

Like a separate personality came out, Yunyun is staring confidently into Claire's eyes.

"...Isn't it obvious that there's several hidden agendas going on? As from Dust-san, I understand wanting to take him in for interrogation and a trial. However, aren't all these additions about 'wanting to regulate' the Crimson Demon clan kind of suspicious? Furthermore, we made our agreement to integrate into the kingdom with the king himself, not this shady council! If there are any further negotiations, I'd like to negotiate with the king!"

"We can arrange that~! Why don't you join him in heaven right now and ask him~!"

"E-Eh? Well, if I must…"

Yunyun, you were doing so well. Don't back out now.

As if to save her rival, Megumin stepped in front of Yunyun.

She's shaking her head and sighing.

"It looks like we are at a standstill. If it's like that, why don't you guys back off for now? We can keep the king's body safe here, or you can bring him back."

Rain nodded and said,

"I came here to bring him back. I can preserve his body during the transport. Please lead me to the body."

As the chief escorted Rain, Claire glared at Yunyun once more.

"Just to tell you now, the council was talking about using more confrontational methods to get the Crimson Demons to submit to their authority. It's not like it's my choice to escalate this any further! ...And I'm not supposed to say this, but… What you said about 'hidden agendas'... I heard that…"

As Claire lowered her voice and whispered to Yunyun, Lucie suddenly appeared beside her.

"I'd advise you not to say any more."

"...! R-Right…"

A bit later, Rain returned.

Following behind her, some animated golems carried a statue.

"!"

The king was…!

"So this is what you meant by 'preserved'?! You petrified the king like that frozen griffon statue in the town square?! This clan is ridiculous! Completely ridiculous!"

Claire roared as the frozen statue of the king was carried over.

After a few more unfriendly exchanges were made, Claire and her contingency finally took their leave.

"Rain will come back to the capital with the king, but we will set up camp nearby. Don't mind us. If you are ready for further negotiations, please call for us."

As we watched Claire and her troops leave, Darkness said,

"Forgive me for not speaking up. I felt that this matter should be handled by the Crimson Demon clan without my interference. I will advise you from now on, though."

She has the nerve to say that only after the confrontation.

"Don't try to insert yourself into this despite not having anything important to contribute."

"I'm not…! I actually do want to help! It's not like Kazuma did anything important either!"

Darkness said while blushing and trying to grab me by the neck.

While I was dealing with Darkness, another troublemaker showed up.

With tears running down her cheeks, Aqua was wailing and said,

"Kazuma, isn't this getting too intense?! Let's go! Before this gets any worse, let's go home!"

"What is Aqua talking about? Are you guys trying to ditch my clan? If those guys wanna fight or something, then we'll give them a fight."

Megumin said as she was totally getting hyped up over the prospect of a fight.

"See?! This clan full of battle addicted mages will surely bring out the worse case scenario! It's time to retreat! I know! If Kazuma comes back home with me now, I'll let you have half of the expensive wine I just bought!"

"I don't care about your wine! Get off me!"

As if following Aqua's example, Yunyun also came up to me with tears in her eyes.

"Kazuma-san! What should we do! I said something unnecessary again and now we are in this mess!"

"Kazuma!"

"Kazuma, Kazuma…!"

"Kazuma-saaaan…!"

I was suddenly surrounded by shrieking and wailing girls.

 **Part 8**

"...Um, is this really necessary?"

Dust said as we led him to the borders for another meeting with Claire.

After several hours of deliberation, we arranged another meeting with Claire who had set up camp around the borders of the village.

Dust is currently tied around the torso by a rope.

His wyvern Nuynuy was agitated after seeing her master in this state.

We restrained her in a bird cage and carried her along.

It was too cruel to separate the two, so we're sending Nuynuy out on a package deal.

This 'negotiation team' was comprised of my famous party, who should have some sway with negotiations, as well as the representative for the Crimson Demon clan, Yunyun.

For some reason, the real leader, the village chief, wasn't coming along.

"If we quietly hand you over, maybe the council of elders will forget about all that other stuff. I'm sure that they added all those conditions as a way to pressure us."

"If Kazuma says so… But, I really didn't do anything wrong, OK?! I know that it was my fault the situation ended up like this, but I don't want to die over such a stupid thing!"

"That's what you get for angering the nobility of this land! What an idiot! Don't you know how this country functions?! You deserve to be executed!"

"Kazuma is saying that, but weren't you in the same situation not a long time ago?"

Darkness was quick to comment on my hypocrisy.

"A… Anyways. We'll make sure nothing too tragic happens to you, Dust. So cooperate for now."

"I'd rather not have anything tragic happen to me at all!"

"P… Please don't worry, Dust-san! You won't die! I won't allow it! I'll make sure that you only get prison time for this!"

"Yunyun sounds reassuring but at the same time…!"

I said all that, but honestly there's a lot of fishy stuff going on behind the scenes.

For now, we can't do much but comply to the demands.

There's no reason to increase the tension.

We made our way to the encampment Claire and her troops set up.

It reminded me, in a way, of the encampment/military base that Maouko set up with the Devil King army soldiers she had in her command.

I hope the parallels end there.

As we made our way in, it was clear that the number of troops increased.

They were probably teleported in from the capital.

And also…

"!"

"Kazuma, aren't those…?!"

Aqua pulled on my sleeves as she noticed them as well.

Black hair and black eyes.

Young men with nostalgic features.

They are also carrying with them exotic looking weapons that give off an aura of danger.

Among this crowd of Japanese, I recognized one person.

"...! Isn't that Aqua-sama?! Aqua-sama! It's me, it's me!"

A handsome looking Japanese youth who was 'chosen' to become the wielder of the demonic sword Gram.

He made his way over while waving at Aqua.

"Hm? Who is this fellow? A follower of the great me?"

"Aqua, can't you tell just from looking? It's that Katsuragi fellow."

"You're both wrong! It's Mitsurugi! Mitsurugi Kyouya! Please remember my name already!"

Beside me, Megumin's eyes widened in recognition.

"Isn't this the creepy, egotistical guy who challenged a low-levelled Kazuma to a duel, despite already being a renowned adventurer, but somehow still lost?"

"That is… Um…"

"Even if I have a preference for the despicable types, this person still managed to unsettle me."

"E… Ehhhh?!"

Darkness's comments dealt the final blow.

Mitsurugi slumped his shoulders, and his expression went from joyful to depressed.

"A-Anyways… I'd like to catch up with Aqua-sama, but unfortunately, duty calls. Forgive me…"

After saying those presumptuous words, he bowed his head then walked off.

"What's going on here? Doesn't this seem like a complete war base already?! Look at those intimidating guys sharpening their swords!"

Dust said as he wearily looked around at the surroundings.

It probably didn't help that the soldiers, all aware of Dust's actions, are now glaring at him.

It didn't take long for Claire to emerge from the biggest tent in the encampment.

She is wearing a white cloak with insignias pinned to the lapels, and carrying a sheathed rapier by her hip.

Lucie and Rain, also wearing battle gear, followed behind her.

"Look at that Claire, getting all caught up in a power-trip."

"How disgraceful. To think that she is a noble like myself is…"

"I told you, this isn't a power-trip! I'm following orders!"

Claire who was obviously trying to look cool as she emerged out of the tent, denied the accusations Darkness and I made.

After taking a deep breath, Yunyun took center stage once more and faced Claire.

"...We've decided to hand over Dust-san to you, on the condition that he is given a fair trial, and that we may be allowed to represent him in the procedures. As for the last condition… I'm sorry, but we can't agree to that right now."

We figured that this counter-proposal was reasonable.

There's no reason why the Crimson Demon clan should fall for such obvious intimidation.

The recently instated council of elders is obviously acting for their own self-interests.

Just as the king saw potential in the Crimson Demon clan, these council members didn't want to miss their chance, either.

They didn't hesitate in trying to seize control over the powerful and technologically superior Crimson Demon clan.

Making their greedy intentions known…

I somewhat understand the kind of pressures the king went through, now.

However…

I underestimated the extent of the elders' greed.

"If the Crimson Demon clan fails to agree to these terms, then…"

The eyes of the troops around us became hostile.

"You all should know what I mean. Now, before we come to that point, please reconsider and…"

"...Fufu. Is this bloodlust I sense in the air?"

"...! What in the…?!"

Suddenly.

Appearing out of thin air… No, they had probably been there from the start.

Dropping the effects of their invisibility spells, several Crimson Demons appeared.

They surrounded the encampment.

"My… My right arm! The seal in my right arm containing the [Dark Dragon] is responding to my killing intent…!"

"Now you've done it! My [Frozen Heart] can't contain the [Inferno Blaze] within! I must… Unleash…!"

"Master forgive me, but I'll have to go all out… Just this once."

They're heeeere!

The troublesome chuunis who couldn't help but show up are heeeere!

The soldiers who were showing hostile looks but were still on standby are now drawing their weapons!

Mitsurugi and the Japanese also reluctantly and hesitantly pulled out their weapons.

I remembered the king talking about how the top adventurers fighting in the front lines don't have jobs anymore.

These guys are probably hired by the council as a kind of goon squad.

It's a good thing that the most powerful fighters are still hesitant to fight, but the soldiers around us are raring to go!

"Oi! Megumin, Yunyun! Your clan is doing something stupid again! Please try to reason with them!"

I tried appealing to Megumin and Yunyun.

But…

"So it's come to this! Very well! I tried to keep in mind my obligations to this country, but my loyalty to my clan runs deeper! I am Megumin! My calling is that of an Arch-Wizard! One who has mastered explosion magic to its highest potential! Number One mage of this country! If you have the courage to face the great explosion master who defeated many Devil King generals and the Devil King himself… Then step forward!"

"It seems I have no choice! To protect my clan, I must…! I am Yunyun! My calling is that of an Arch-Wizard! One who wields Advanced magic… One who will become the village chief of the Crimson Demon clan! If you have the resolve to face the power of the Crimson Demon clan… Then be my guest!"

"Uwoooh! Our two aces are ready to go!"

"Yunyun and Megumin have come so far! Especially that strange Yunyun who is always lonely! She's finally come to embrace her cursed bloodline!"

We're screwed.

We're so freaking screwed…!

As expected of this idiot clan! Really!

I didn't bring my weapons to try and project my peaceful intentions.

That decision may backfire on me.

The soldiers lost some of their confidence after Megumin announced she would join the fight.

They knew about her destructive potential.

But it is this same knowledge which empowered them.

Megumin can't do anything at this close range.

She can now adjust the size of her explosion, so as to prevent complete and total annihilation of herself and everything around her.

But even a normal explosion that is not performed at full strength needs some distance.

As they realized this, the soldiers raised their weapons once more.

Well.

If we really wanted to end this quickly…

We could have the Crimson Demons teleport Megumin and the rest of us away from the battlefield.

Megumin can launch her explosion from a safe distance.

We don't want to do any harm, however.

The soldiers weren't aware of that and assumed we are siding with this terrorist village…!

"W-Wait, hold on! We don't need to do this! I know that the council's demands are unreasonable, but…!"

Claire tried playing peacekeeper for both sides.

"It's too late now! The blood of battle is raging within me!"

"Come! Warriors of Belzerg! Show me the traditional sword and shield technique the soldiers of Belzerg are known for!"

"I would like to do battle against the black haired warriors who are rumored to be especially strong! Let's do this!"

This battle addicted clan thinks this is some kind of game!

Claire is still trying to calm everyone down.

"Everyone, let's settle down! If we go further than this, a civil war will surely come about!"

"That sounds… Cool!"

"A civil war, eh? If violence is the only answer, then…"

I appreciate your efforts, Claire, but you're only making those guys even more excited.

"That's it! I'm running away!"

Aqua couldn't take it anymore and started to flee.

"Hey, please get out of my way! Gah!"

"Oof!"

The clumsy Aqua tripped while she was running and collided on a soldier.

Since Aqua had a very high strength stat, the soldier was sent flying while Aqua managed to stay on her feet.

Not good.

From the outside, that looked an attack.

"Troops! You saw what happened! Charge!"

Lucie who is usually quiet and wasn't saying anything so far suddenly yelled out…!

With a roar, the troops raised their shields and weapons, ranging from swords, spears and axes, and advanced cautiously towards the Crimson Demons who are still in the middle of posing and showing off.

"What a manly advance! Come and show me your resolve! [Teleport]."

"Could… Could you be aiming for my weakness...?! How did you know about that?! Are you an assassin sent from the organization?! [Teleport]...!"

"My fated enemy! This will be the day… Gah! Please wait for me to finish my speech! [T…Teleport]!"

How annoying.

The troops who were hesitant at first with their advance, as they were unwilling to go all out against civilians, started getting annoyed by the antics of the Crimson demons.

They started putting more effort into their attack.

"Wait…! Can't we just talk this through? Please listen to me! Please… Oi, listen to me! You bastards!"

Claire eventually snapped.

She targeted a nearby Crimson Demon who was posing in front of her.

"K… Kyouya-san, what do we do?!"

"I don't want to do this, but we signed that contract. Even if we don't fight, the geas will take effect. Let's engage, but try not to harm anyone…"

The Japanese who were only watching started joining the fray.

This is turning out really bad.

The Crimson Demons shouldn't have any problems with mooks, but the reincarnated Japanese could do some serious damage if they try.

It seems like Kyouya and the other Japanese don't intend to go all out, but you never know what will happen in the heat of battle.

I can't worry about them right now, though.

First I have to take control of the situation.

We needed to regroup.

After a quick search I found my party members, but they were all separated.

Aqua is crouched into a ball on the ground and crying her eyes out.

Megumin is standing back to back with Yunyun, doing poses with her rival.

She's taunting the soldiers into attacking, but they are expectedly keeping their distance from that explosion maniac.

Darkness is…

"Take this, Crimson Demon! Ah… Wait! Dustiness-sama?! Please forgive me!"

"Kuh! What a mighty sword swing! Please… Stop this violence! I won't let anyone from both sides harm each other… Even if I have to launch my body in between your attacks!"

"D-Dustiness-sama!"

You can fool them, but you can't fool me.

You filthy masochist.

I thought that it was a good idea to regroup, but my comrades all seem preoccupied.

I should act solo for now.

While the mooks are distracted, I kept an eye on the most dangerous people.

The Japanese are attacking, but very half-heartedly.

The Crimson Demons are easily dodging them.

Aside from the Japanese, there's also…

"...!"

The king's top assassin, Lucie.

While all this confusion was going on, she is blending into the background with her crossbow drawn.

Ever since the king died, she had been aiming that crossbow at Dust.

So I thought she'd be doing that right now at the Dust who is ignored by everyone, laying on his side on a corner, still tied up.

But, why is it that…

Lucie isn't even looking at Dust.

With her crossbow already notched with a bolt.

Her sights are aimed at Megumin.

 **Part 9**

Why?

I don't get it.

Was she given a secret assignment from that shady council?

The… The reason doesn't matter!

I have to act fast!

I didn't bring my weapons, but I was still wearing the [Boots of Speed].

The base-speed enhancing magic footwear that look like a pair of N*ke sneakers, for some reason.

Then, as I prepared to run into a sprint, I activated all my speed enhancing skills at the same time.

With that, I took an explosive step that launched me into fast speeds.

Last time I did this, I ran straight into a wall and my head got crushed like a watermelon.

I couldn't control this insane speed.

Since that accident, I had a lot of time to think about how to make this combo work.

First, as I come in between the path of the arrow and Megumin, I took a quick breath, inhaling as much air as I could.

In this very brief interval, I had the presence of mind to use the [Lip Reading] skill.

"!"

The words I read on Lucie's lips shook me to my core.

Those skills are…!

Now I really have to stop this attack!

The bolt was finally fired.

As a user of archery skills myself, I sensed the moment when the bolt was launched.

Then.

I unleashed the breath I was holding.

"[Wind Breath]!"

I used more mana than I normally would with this spell.

And as my stats have been steadily increasing as I levelled up…

A powerful gale erupted out of my mouth.

A veritable barricade of wind formed in front of me for the duration of the breath spell.

It severely halted and altered the trajectory of the bolt.

For a moment it was frozen in mid-air.

Then it fell uselessly on the ground once the winds died down.

"Kazuma! What happened?!"

I heard Megumin crying out in shock behind me.

That part is now taken care of.

Now, time to prevent the 'head crushed like a watermelon' part.

I already felt my momentum hurling me sideways.

Inertia was trying to drag me to another pathetic death.

"[Featherfall]!"

Using the gravity defying powers of that spell, I became light as a feather.

My fatal momentum immediately stopped.

Even my internal organs were safe, locked in place by the spell.

Even though it's considered a basic utility spell, it really is quite helpful.

And unlike my other basic utility spell like [Counterspell], it's not very demanding on one's mana reserves.

After my momentum was successfully absorbed, I deactivated the spell.

[Featherfall] is not too demanding, but extended activation can still take its toll.

I skidded along the ground a few feet, as some residual momentum returned.

I kicked up dust as my feet drifted on the ground.

"I call that move… [Inertia Drift]!"

I couldn't help but proudly exclaim the name of this move.

After much time brainstorming the logistics of this move, I felt quite proud of myself.

"Fast! That was too fast!"

"[Inertia Drift]... Huh? Not bad at all…"

"As expected of Megumin's lover! Showing us such a splendid special move!"

D… Don't praise me!

If you lot who suffer from chuunibyou go ahead and praise me, they'll think I'm one of you.

"K… Kazuma… Um, thanks for the save."

E… Eh?

Megumin-san?

Showing me a blushing look with stars in your eyes like a rescued damsel-in-distress…

"T… There's a battle going on, so let's save this love-dovey mood for later!"

"I really don't know what Kazuma is talking about."

Really, now isn't the time fool around.

I don't think Lucie will try a stunt like that again after she's been found out, but…

[True Kill] and [Ghost Kill].

Those were the skills she used simultaneously.

The main skill of the assassination skill tree is [Ghost Kill].

This skill's effect only applies if the attack is fatal.

And while the skill doesn't consume much mana…

There is a half-hour countdown the user must wait if the skill is wrongfully activated.

In other words, if the attack doesn't end up dealing the killing blow.

If these difficult conditions are met, the effect plays out as such:

All traces of evidence linking the kill to the killer disappears from this world.

Even the murder weapon that was used is erased from reality.

Especially effective with disposable and inexpensive weapons, such as daggers and projectiles, this skill is essential for all top assassins.

It goes in tandem with [Flash Step], which is a powerful mobility skill that allows an assassin to get in close with their target in the blink of an eye.

After a combo of [Flash Step] to move in, then a successful [Ghost Kill] and another [Flash Step] to quickly escape, an assassin could kill anyone without leaving a trace.

This is the scary signature skill of the assassin class.

But.

The truly frightening skill is [True Kill].

The most advanced skill of the assassination skill tree.

As the name implies…

If one is dealt a fatal blow with [True Kill], it's over.

No healing, no resurrections.

Even a god can't do anything to save a soul who was culled by this ability.

A skill that is like a gift handed down from the grim reaper himself.

The question is, why?

Why would Lucie employ such a drastic and terrible skill combo on Megumin?

Using [Ghost Kill] so we couldn't trace the source of the murder.

Using [True Kill] to make sure Aqua couldn't bring Megumin back.

No matter.

No matter the reason, I'm a bit pissed off.

Lucie must have sensed this as well, as her eyes widened when she saw me approach.

She quickly hid behind the Japanese and issued orders.

"You are all contractually obligated to fight, so fight."

"B-But…"

There must be some kind of silent agreement between the Japanese who reincarnated into this world.

Something like 'we take care of our own'.

And so, even as they raised their weapons against me, they did so dispassionately.

"Kazuma! Don't worry, I will protect you!"

Having jumped into the way of every attack so far, Darkness is looking a little worn out.

Her hair is slightly singed from fire spells.

Her armor is slightly chipped from melee attacks.

When I look around, thanks to Darkness's efforts, there aren't any injuries on both sides.

The only one with even a scratch on them is Darkness.

Acting like a shield for the two opposing sides…

As I was just starting to admire this duty-bound crusader, Darkness's lewd grin as she charged into battle, heading straight for the Japanese adventurers, dispelled my feelings of admiration.

"E-Eh? Crusader-san, what are you…? Please stay back! [Blazing Burst]!"

A Japanese teen around my age wearing the attire of a mage, unleashed an advanced fire spell on Darkness, by reflex.

"Ah! Sorry…! I didn't mean to…!"

These guys were front-line fighters until a year ago.

They must still have steel sharp instincts from all their battles.

So I can't blame them if they attack on reflex as a crazed Crusader is charging at them.

But, as expected of this crazed Crusader…

"I… Impossible!"

She merely stuck a hand out and seemingly _grasped_ the sudden burst of intense fire.

Then she compressed the heat into her palm, as if crushing down scrap metal.

"Hah!"

With a final surge of effort, Darkness closed her hand into a fist and extinguished the flame.

"..."

The battles all around us halted.

No one could keep their eyes away from the outrageous feat Darkness just pulled.

"Hard! What hard defense! Hard-ness is just way too hard!"

"I'm not hard!"

"Skreeeee!"

As Darkness began refuting me, a shrill but ferocious cry filled the air.

With a flap of her wings, Nuynuy flew above us in circles, making her presence known.

I looked at the corner where I last saw Dust.

Beside him, Nuynuy's cage was left open.

And now, Nuynuy's master is freed as well.

Yunyun helped Dust up to his feet.

He is now smiling confidently, as if he hadn't been laying in the corner like an abandoned sack of potatoes.

"Oi, oi, oi! I'd feel bad if all of you are fighting for my sake, let me join in!"

Who said we're fighting for your sake?

"Skreeeee!"

"Gah!"

As if receiving a silent command from Dust, Nuynuy swooped in and lashed her whip-like tail on the wrists of a spear wielding soldier, making him drop the weapon.

She grabbed the spear with her mouth and somewhat awkwardly dragged the stolen spear towards her master.

"Thanks, Nuynuy! You've been such an excellent companion! You're so cute, Nuynuy!"

"Skreeee~!"

"Geez! Change that wyvern's name already, Dust-san!"

With that, Dust, reclining the shaft of his stolen spear against his shoulder, made his way to me.

Both sides are now positioned parallel to each other.

The Crimson Demon side and the Belzerg side facing off.

"..."

No one is talking about settling things peacefully.

In the Crimson Demon side, we all had seen what Lucie tried to do.

And the Belzerg side witnessed Yunyun actively assisting the criminal of the nation, Dust.

Even the Japanese are now looking at Darkness warily, and they too have been swept up by the tides of battle.

We faced off.

Both sides, ready for war now.

"Wahhh! No more, just stop fighting already!"

Meanwhile, Aqua hadn't moved an inch and was still hunched over in a ball.

 **Part 10**

"[Wind wall]!"

Consecutively fired bolts from Lucie bounced off Yunyun's defenses.

"Thanks for the cover, 'Yun-chan'!"

Dust said as he easily side-stepped an overhead sword swing.

He flicked his spear up fluidly, as the edge had been pointing towards the ground, and knocked the spear's blade on the pommel of his opponent's sword.

"Ah!"

The sword spun out of the soldier's grasp.

"Skreee!"

Nuynuy deflected another sword strike aimed at Dust's blind spot with a lash of her tail.

"Gahh! Hot!"

She shot a streak of flame at three more soldiers charging at Dust.

A wall of flames appeared and impeded their advance.

"Aqua! Get up and make yourself useful! Even that wyvern is more useful than you! You weren't like this during the last battle with the Devil King army forces, so what gives?!"

As everyone else was fighting hard, I rebuked the Aqua who hasn't moved from her pathetic position yet.

"'What gives', you say?! Does Kazuma think this is an ordinary battle with 'winners' and 'losers'?! Even if we 'win' this battle, what will happen to us?! The entire country will consider us as traitors!"

"Er… Well…"

To think that Aqua is the one to act as the voice of reason.

"Alright… Good point. Still, I can't just make everyone stop now…"

With that shady council in charge, all we can do is play right into their hands.

Either we let them have their way and let them do who knows what with the Crimson Demon clan.

Or we take the bait and fight this hopeless 'civil war'.

Since Prince Jatis hasn't done anything so far, I think he is also powerless.

The only one who has the power to stop the council's plans is the king (rest in peace).

Too bad this king is now busy making googly-eyes with his dearly departed wife in heaven.

"Geez! If only that stupid king would come back already!"

"Then just get him back! Even if you have to force him to come back, just get him back!"

"Did Aqua already forget that the king's body is in the capital now?! How would we even do that?!"

"Er… Well…"

Aqua glanced away as the tables were turned on her.

"...That's where you're wrong, Kazuma-kun."

A voice called out to me.

"Heh. So it's come to this, Tomigakuyo."

"It seems like it's our time to shine, Hikokuyo. Yo, Hyoizaburo. Doesn't this kind of atmosphere get your blood pumping?"

"...Can't say it does. I'd rather work on my new project right now."

"As reserved as always, Hyoizaburo!"

The deadbeats who call themselves this village's 'War council' made their appearance.

"Ah, I see. Thanks for coming. Well, then…"

"Why is Kazuma-kun walking away?! Come back here!"

What do these deatbeats, drunkards and NEETs want with me?

I'd rather not associate with you guys anymore.

"We heard a little bit of your discussion. Actually, with the king… We thought that this business with the council was suspicious, so…"

The one leading this 'War council', the village chief, leaned in and whispered to me.

"...Eh?!"

I was told something ridiculous.

"Keep your voice down! What if they hear?!"

Rain was sent here to retrieve the body of the king.

The body that the villagers petrified into stone, like the frozen griffon statue used as a landmark in the town square.

"You mean that wasn't the real body?!"

I do remember now that there was a statue made in the likeness of the king, displayed in the town square beside the frozen griffon.

One of the attractions made for the festival.

We freaked out at the sight of the realistic looking statue.

"The king's real body is currently in my mansion now. It was the war council's idea to do this, so we could have some leverage in case something like this happens."

For the worst case scenario, like the one occurring right now, the war council prepared an ace up their sleeves.

"If Kazuma can drag the king back, then I can easily resurrect him! Quick! We must go!"

Aqua urged me on as our next plan of attack took fruition.

"We can't just leave the battle like this…"

The Crimson Demons don't look like they have any real intentions to fight and have been evading the soldiers' attacks for now.

But even they can't remain passive forever.

If this turns into a real contest, things could get ugly real quick.

The Crimson Demons are powerful, but the reincarnated Japanese are beyond OP.

A large amount of them gathered in one place is like having an army of shounen manga main characters.

I also have to worry about Lucie.

She might try something while I'm gone.

Right now I'm the only one who knows what she's truly capable of.

Other than that, I have to keep the general troops from pressuring.

I looked around in search of Megumin.

She's on an island of her own, with soldiers avoiding her general vicinity.

It's funny how there's a gap in the fighting wherever she goes.

"What's wrong? Are you intimidated by my overwhelming power? Come here and have a taste of my Crimson flames…"

Saying those embarrassing lines while flailing her staff around.

"Oi, little girl who is only pretending to fight but not really contributing. Come over here."

"I see. Kazuma finally wants me to unleash my explosion. I was holding back since you might get angry, but if my abilities are questioned, I have no choice."

I stopped her before a single syllable of that chant escaped her mouth.

Once I dragged her to where Aqua and the others were convening, I gave Megumin a level gaze.

"Listen, I can't have you firing your explosion."

She averted her eyes while pouting slightly.

"I know that much. Kazuma doesn't need to tell me. Geez…"

"..."

"Hm? Kazuma just stopped talking for some reason?"

"P-Please consider the time and place!"

"I really don't get what Kazuma is saying."

How come everything you do and say is so moe to me now, Megumin?

I shook my head and explained my plan to Megumin.

"Considering how most of Kazuma's plans are usually complex and often involve surprising twists, this one is pretty uninspired."

"Forgive me for not having that chuuni flair you admire so much."

"Why does Kazuma actually seem kinda offended?!"

The plan involved Megumin keeping the general troops at bay while 'casting' her explosion.

They enemy will retreat and give the Crimson Demons some space.

Before that, I planned to take out Lucie and deal with the Japanese.

But…

This won't be easy.

Lucie is the top assassin of the kingdom.

I must proceed with caution.

"[Bind]."

"...Ah."

Well.

That was easy.

After hiding my presence with [Lurk], I was easily able to catch Lucie off guard.

Assassins are pretty much powerless once you're able to spot and disable them, huh?

Should keep that in mind for later.

I didn't have to use the mithril alloy rope to disable Lucie.

If I can't convince the king, I'll have to use the mithril alloy rope to drag his spiritual body back to the world of the living.

As for the Japanese.

"Oi, Aqua. That Katsuragi fellow seems to admire you for some reason. Why don't you convince them to stop fighting, for now?"

"Hm? I don't really get it, but I just have to talk to them, right?"

Aqua said as she skipped towards the Japanese adventurers who were rallying behind the commands of that Katsuragi, or Mitsu-something-or-other fellow.

Getting up and skipping through a war zone like that...

That's pretty impressive from someone who was balled up and cowering earlier.

"Aqua-sama! Why are you here?! Please go back to Satou Kazuma's side! What if you get hurt?!"

"Wait… Isn't this the goddess who sent me here?! What is a goddess-sama doing here?!"

It seems like they will listen to her.

Those guys are forced into this kind of dirty mercenary work since they don't have stable income.

I might have to help them out after all this is done with.

I-I'm not acting out of a sense of comradery for my fellow countrymen or anything.

It will just be a bit more troublesome if any more shady folk hire these guys' services in the future.

With the biggest threats taken care of for now…

"Megumin! I'll leave the rest to you!"

"Got it! I will make sure to surpass your expectation with aplomb!"

"Don't surpass anything! Just do your job!"

After instructing Megumin, I grabbed Aqua who had just returned from speaking with the Japanese.

"Kazuma! Get this! Those guys stopped fighting once I used [Sacred Break Spell] on this geas thingy and… Whoa! Why is Kazuma in such a hurry?!"

The Japanese have retreated from the battle after Aqua spoke to them.

And now Megumin is…

"B-Behold! I have grown tired of this stalemate! It is time for me to put an end to this farce! I will now unleash… My explosion! My biggest explosion yet! T-The chant will take a while to finish, s-so I hope the enemy doesn't escape my attack range! Ha… haha…!"

"Eeeek! Runnnn!"

Despite Megumin's horrible acting, the troops took the bait and started retreating as well.

"Wait! Come back here! I can… I can take much more punishment than this, you cowards!"

Don't chase after them, Darkness.

 **Part 11**

"This is where we hid the king's body…"

"It's stone! It's another stone statue! Why did I think it was going to be any different?!"

In the chief's mansion, Aqua and I were led to the king's real body.

Instead we found another one of those creepy statues.

"It doesn't matter! Kazuma, just get the king's soul back and leave the resurrection to me! The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can go home!"

Aqua's unusually determined today.

I unfolded a scroll and quietly chanted the spell.

White light surrounded me, and I felt a force pulling along my body...

…

…

Eris-sama was seated on her chair, as usual, and she smiled in greeting as I stood before her.

"Kazuma-san, I'm more or less caught up with your situation. Fortunately for you, the higher ups also want the king to return. There's no use saving that country from the Devil King only to have it collapse internally a short year after. The higher ups are allowing Kazuma-san passage into heaven in the hopes that you can convince the king to come back…"

This didn't seem to be the time for pleasant chit-chat, so Eris-sama went straight to the point.

"That's alright with me if Eris-sama's higher ups approve, but instead of 'convincing' him, I might have to force that king who is playing hooky to come back."

"W-Well, just remember that it was his choice to ascend to heaven. Technically, we can't condone that kind of method, but…"

Saying vague words, Eris-sama averted her eyes and pointed her fingers together.

I see.

They're not saying 'yes', but they're also not saying 'no'.

"If it makes Eris-sama feel better, I'll try my best to convince him."

"Yes, please do."

With that settled, Eris-sama snapped her fingers.

Suddenly, a weak tremor coursed through the realm.

With a flash of bright light, a two meter long door appeared in front of me.

It was a nondescript white door that stood on its own and didn't appear to lead anywhere.

"Open that door and Kazuma-san will enter a place where dreams come true…"

What is this place, D*sney Land?

I didn't know what to expect, so I was a bit nervous when I placed my hand on the door knob.

I slowly opened it…

"Welcome to heaven! We hope you enjoy your stay! Please have this pamphlet!"

"O-Oh. Thanks…"

As soon as I opened the door, a beautiful angel was waiting for me.

"..."

I was given a pamphlet.

This really place really does seem like some kind of amusement park.

"Um, instead of attractions, can you please tell me where King Joethanael Johnstarr Blazing Shield Belzerg is currently staying right now?"

That name is a mouthful to say.

I want to shorten it to King 'JoJo'.

The angel took out a notepad and glanced through it.

"Let's see… Right now he's enjoying a stroll with his wife around the Lake of Serenity…"

After receiving directions from the angel, I walked along the streets of heaven.

"This… This really is heaven, huh?"

The roads were made out of gold, and there were precious jewels lined along the sides of the road.

The buildings were elaborately designed, architectural marvels that took my breath away.

The weather is temperate and even though there wasn't a sun in the sky, a benign glow was illuminating the streets.

"Hm? Isn't that Satou Kazuma-san? The hero who took down the Devil King?"

"Hey! Thanks for avenging me, man!"

"...Hm, but what are you doing here? You're still alive. Last time I spied on you… I mean, observed you, you were trying to get it on with Megumin-chan…"

"Hook up with Megumin-chan already! Your love life is one of our entertainments around here!"

These spirits are saying some stuff I can't ignore!

"Oi! I can't let that go! What gives you the right to spy on me, huh?! Aren't those kinds of immoral things disallowed in heaven?!"

I yelled at the spirits who were jeering me on.

So these guys do nothing all day but spy and gossip on the affairs of the living.

Heaven does indeed sound like a retirement home, like Aqua described.

I tried to put that unpleasant encounter out of my mind as I followed the angel's directions to the 'lake of serenity'.

After getting lost a bit, heaven is a big place, I finally found it.

It wasn't hard to spot the hulking body of the king.

He was leisurely walking along a trail that wrapped around a beautiful, sparkling, still lake.

Beside him was a woman who I assumed was Lady Belzerg.

"..."

Although I say 'woman'…

"...Ahaha! Oh, Becky… Hm? Wait, isn't that Kazuma-chan? Wait, Kazuma-chan, why are you walking away?!"

Rather than a 'woman'...

"I see where your son gets it from, now."

"What do you mean by that?! Oi, what are you trying to say about my beautiful wife?!"

Lady Belzerg, to put it lightly, is a spitting image of her daughter, Iris.

Rather.

It could be said that in terms of build, the mother is somehow much more dainty and petite.

This king is a lolicon!

No, he's a super lolicon!

"Hm? This young man… Ah, isn't he one half of that 'Kazumin' pairing the other inhabitants of heaven keep raving about? Can I please have your autograph?!"

Lady Belzerg looked at me with a starstruck gaze.

"Ah… Dear Becky, can you please give me a moment to talk with this lad? I'll be back with you soon!"

"That's quite alright. Please take your time, you two!"

Lady Belzerg smiled at us gently as the king and I walked a few ways off.

"K… Kazuma-chan. What happened to you? Why are you here? Did something terrible happen in the country and as the hero you were forced to commit a noble sacrifice?!"

Why is this king casually killing me off?

"No, well, 'something terrible' is indeed happening… Rather than that, can you please explain to me why your wife looks like that?!"

"Don't misunderstand! She is a full grown woman so respect her! Respect women! They are queens!"

I couldn't get over how that woman looks so much like Iris.

Looking at Lady Belzerg...

Maybe Prince Jatis isn't exactly siscon.

Prince Jatis who is known to still grieve over his mother's death and has made a ritual of visiting her grave often…

His siscon tendencies might be related to an oedipus complex.

"A-Anyways, it seems like something happened while I was gone. Please tell me."

The king's face hardened after I finished summarizing the events that followed his death.

"...The council of elders, huh? I knew that they were an ambitious lot. But still, something is very wrong. For them to act that way…"

The king frowned as he stroked his beard.

"The other spirits are all caught up with the current events of the country. Why is Your Majesty not informed?"

"I was too busy… Well, you know, being intimate with my wife after it's been so long…"

He blushed as he peered back at Lady Belzerg who was waiting for us patiently.

As if she somehow sensed what the king had on his mind, she blushed and looked away timidly.

C-Cute…

Wait.

Something about what the king said bothered me.

"Um… Someone told me that heaven is filled with involuntary celibates who can't do anything ecchi because everyone here is in their spirit forms…"

"Hm? I don't know who told Kazuma-chan that, but that's a lie."

That lying goddess!

So sneaky!

Maybe she had to meet a quota as the spirits deciding to reincarnate into that fantasy world started dwindling…

Well, I can't say that I regret choosing to reincarnate into that world at all.

It's a dangerous and cruel world, but if you work hard enough, it can be beautiful and fulfilling.

"...In any case, I think it's time for me to come back."

The king smiled thinly as he looked back to his wife once more.

"Um, this is weird coming from me, but are you sure?"

"Time moves differently here in heaven. It might have been only a day for Kazuma-chan but I've already spent a few months here… That's enough for me. Becky wouldn't want me to miss out on the chance of coming back. She'll force me to come back, I'm sure of it."

He looked back at me and gave me a knowing look.

"Plus, it's not like I have a lot of years ahead of me. I don't have to wait long to reunite with Becky again. I just need to make sure the kingdom is ready for my real departure, and maybe try to clean up my act as a father while I can. Becky didn't like how I treated Jatis… Haha…"

I mean, you did consider assassinating him.

With that settled, the king asked me to give him some time to say his farewells.

"Why doesn't Kazuma-chan visit the gift shop and buy some souvenirs for his comrades?"

Is this place really an amusement park, or what?

And I wish you'd stop calling me '-chan', already.

I left the lovebirds alone and followed the directions in the pamphlet to the gift shop.

When I entered the store, an angel wearing an apron and working at the cashier counter greeted me.

"Welcome to the gift shop, Satou Kazuma-san! Right now you have… Amazing! Satou Kazuma-san has enough accumulated karma to buy all the merchandise in our store!"

The angel explained to me that 'karma' is the currency of heaven.

Karma comes from good deeds that one accumulated throughout their lifetime.

As such, heroic deeds amount to great amounts of karma, and surely, killing the Devil King yielded a lot for me.

It's nice to know that I am well off even in the afterlife.

I bought some souvenirs I thought everyone would like, as well as some items for myself.

"...Oh, my! That item is… Excuse me for my rudeness but could Satou Kazuma-san be purchasing that item for…?!"

"None of your business! G-Geez…!"

So even the angels are gossiping about my affairs.

 **Part 12**

After making my purchases, I met up with the king again.

"I heard you have been taking care of my Iris, Kazuma-san. Please continue to do so."

Lady Belzerg smiled and gave me a small bow.

She really does look like Iris.

The only difference is the mature and patient air around Lady Belzerg.

...I just hope that Iris can outgrow her mother at least by a couple inches.

"I feel like I have to apologize for taking your husband away…"

I felt a bit guilty about it.

It was necessary to do so, but it was a hard decision to make.

"No, no. Instead, I am thankful for this opportunity, to let us reunite even if only for a little while."

"I heard that time flows differently in heaven. If you'd like, I can stay here for a bit longer and…"

"That's not fair to Kazuma-san who has cherished companions in the world of the living. And I'm at peace right now, with the time my beloved and I spent together."

"Becky…"

S-So graceful…!

Really, what a remarkable woman!

It's such a shame that I've corrupted her daughter into a girl who casually uses L33t slang!

"Becky… I'm off."

"I will see you soon, my love."

"..."

I feel like I'm intruding in this heartwarming scene.

After a chaste kiss, the two parted ways.

"We hope you enjoyed your stay in heaven!"

"We hope to see you again!"

"R… Right…"

Telling us 'see you again'... Why is this angel saying such ominous words?

The king looked back once more at Lady Belzerg before he followed me through the door.

With a flash of light…

"Ah! Kazuma-san! Your Majesty!"

Eris-sama greeted us at the other side.

"Eris-chan~! Nice to see you again~! I really enjoyed hanging out with you last time, so I hope you let me come over again~!"

"E-Eh?! Um, I'm flattered but…"

"Having Eris-chan listen to my complaints while I munched away on her snacks was really therapeutic! I will certainly come back again! Kazuma-chan, you should come hang out, too!"

"Please don't use my realm as a hangout spot. And I've been meaning to tell you this before, but calling me '-chan', is…"

It seems Eris-sama made a new friend.

"Eris-sama, is Aqua ready on the other end?"

I said to Eris-sama who is sulking as the king promised to come over plenty.

"Senpai is standing by and ready to resurrect the body. I can send Your Majesty over whenever you're ready."

We both nodded.

Seeing this, Eris-sama snapped her fingers.

"Then, I wish the both of you luck in ending this strife!"

From the heavenly realm, we were both transported back into the realm of the mortals…!

…

…

"I… It worked! I mean, as expected of a great goddess such as myself…"

The first thing I saw upon coming back was the gloating face of Aqua.

"He's back! It would have been cooler if we hadn't dispelled the petrification magic and seen if the king could bust out of his stony prison, but…"

The king is not a pillar man.

"...Your Majesty. We shouldn't delay. The battle could escalate if we don't act soon."

"Very well. Lead the way."

After taking a moment to orient himself after coming back to life, the king followed us to the borders of the village.

The battle is still going strong and it looks like our stalling tactic didn't work as effectively as I thought.

"W-Wait! Don't attack! I really will blow you up if you get closer!"

"You can't trick us! In the first place, if we draw closer, you can't even use your explosion magic anymore!"

"For revealing the sole weakness of the great explosion magic so easily… Who does this nameless mook think he is?"

"N-Nameless…?! Why you…!"

Instead of drawing them away, Megumin is actually provoking them to come closer.

The fighting was intense, so it took a while for people to notice the king approach.

When they did notice, the fighting stalled until it eventually halted.

"M-M'lord!"

Claire, who had been chasing around a Crimson Demon, saw her liege and immediately fell down on one knee and bowed her head.

Gasps of surprise spread throughout the troops and one by one they all followed Claire's example.

Some of the soldiers hung their heads in shame.

It seems like most of them are aware what their orders were really about.

"...There's nothing more for the army of Belzerg to do here. Please pack up and return to the capital."

"Y-Yes, sir…!"

As the troops retreated at their leige's words, the king turned to Claire and then to Lucie, who was still tied up with my [Bind] and laying on the ground.

"I realize it's not fair to put the blame on anyone since you were all under orders, nonetheless, keep in mind that I will conduct a thorough investigation on what happened today, and that you two are not exempt from it."

"Yes, m'lord. I understand!"

"...Yes, m'lord."

Finally.

It's over.

As they watched the troops make a coordinated retreat, Aqua, Megumin and Darkness gathered around me.

"I'm glad that this conflict was resolved without any fatal injuries, or worse, from both sides… N-Not to brag, but I feel this is the result of my efforts. As a Crusader, I felt it was my duty to protect everyone. No need to thank me."

Darkness said, while puffing her chest out a little.

"That's not bad. But let us not forget it was the threat of my powerful explosion magic that gave Kazuma enough time to retrieve the king."

Megumin said, also puffing out her chest

"Hm? Why are the two of you bragging? I'm obviously the MVP here, right? Who do you think it was who resurrected the king? Me! The great and beautiful goddess, Aqua-sama!"

"I don't think Aqua realizes how important my role as the shield was! N-Not that I'm bragging, or anything!"

"Let me educate you about the true capabilities of explosion magic before you two get all confident about yourselves."

"Aren't you two getting too conceited lately?! Mere mortals think they can compete against a goddess?! Why don't we settle this right here, right now!"

"That sounds like a good idea! Oraaa!"

The civil war is finally over.

But an even more violent brawl is about to take place.

…

…

 **Chapter 22 END**

 **Next Chapter: Story Arc Epilogue & Extras **

**A/N: I want to thank LordVTP for helping me write this chapter and for giving great advice, as always. I also want to thank Marv who I basically roped into proofreading for me. If you notice there's less grammatical, syntax and stylistic errors than usual, you have him to thank.**


	24. Chapter 22 part 2

**Chapter 22.5: Story Arc Epilogue and Extras**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreading: Marv**

 **...  
**

 **...**

 **Epilogue**

"For now, just leave it to me."

The king said these irresponsible words as he shrugged.

This was his answer to my question.

I had asked: 'What will happen from now on?'.

"It's mostly due to this wishy-washy attitude of Your Majesty that we found ourselves in this mess, in the first place."

"Kazuma-chan~ For someone so young you're really so uptight! What a tight ass! Young boys shouldn't be such tight asses! Allow me to loosen your ass a little…"

"P… Please get your hands away from me…"

What is this idiot king even thinking?

He started as a serious type of character and eventually devolved into this.

"Aqua, maybe you screwed up some steps with the resurrection. The king seems to be missing quite a few brain cells."

"My resurrection is always perfect! If the king is acting stupid, then that means he was that way from the start!"

Hearing us speak ill of the king, Claire couldn't stand still and confronted Aqua and I.

"Silence! Don't speak ill of the king! Don't do it in his presence!"

So it's OK to do it if he's not listening?

The fighting is over, and it feels like it never even happened.

The Crimson Demons went home to celebrate their 'victory'.

"The pitiful warriors of Belzerg couldn't stand our overwhelming power… But this much is obvious."

"How pitiful. We didn't even need to call on the militia forces. Although we did have to rely on the two aces of the clan, Megumin and Yunyun."

They didn't hesitate to gloat.

"E… Everyone finally acknowledges me as the ace of the clan, huh? It's about time. But why is Yunyun also included?"

"I'm… I'm finally accepted by the members of the clan! I'm so happy! They even consider me as the ace…! But why is Megumin also included?"

"Oi, just what is Yunyun implying?"

"Does… Does Megumin have a problem with what I said? If Megumin has something to say… Let us settle this with a match!"

Those two never miss the opportunity to bicker.

"About what Kazuma-chan told me about Lucie…"

As the others were distracted by Megumin and Yunyun's bickering, the king pulled me aside.

"I hope that Kazuma-chan can understand that Lucie was merely following orders. You see, from a young age, assassins are…"

"Um, I'm not interested in her back story."

"B… But it's very compelling and will shed valuable insight to her character!"

The truth is, I didn't know how to feel about Lucie.

Perhaps I'd feel more passionate if that bolt had gone through and caused actual damage.

But even then, we still have the wish granted to us by Eris-sama for defeating the Devil King.

We didn't use our wish on frivolous things in case of emergency cases.

I even had to deny Megumin's perfectly reasonable request to increase her breast size.

Many sacrifices were made.

"For now, I will wait for the results of the investigation before I jump to conclusions. And since we are the only ones who know about this, let's keep it to ourselves, Your Majesty."

With the [Lip Reading] skill, I learned about the true nature of Lucie's attack.

But there's no sense in worrying Megumin and the others.

"How mature of you, Kazuma-chan. Hm, in the likely event that I have to 'reset' the council of elders with a new batch of nobles…. Perhaps Kazuma-chan and his party will…"

"I'm not interested in troublesome things like that."

"Oh? Is Kazuma-chan forgetting that I have full sovereign right to do what I please? I don't think Kazuma-chan has any option to refuse. Or instead of Kazuma-chan… How does 'Lord Satou' sound?"

'L-Lord', huh?

That… That doesn't sound too bad!

"Say… Your Majesty… With this position, I will outrank that white suit, Claire, right?"

"Yes, you will."

"And as a member of the council, I will have the right to send Lucie on… 'missions'?"

"If you accept my offer, I will even let Kazuma-chan decide Lucie's 'punishment'."

"Uwehehehehehe…!"

"Judging from Kazuma-chan's laugh, I assume we have a deal?"

"Deal! It's a deal!"

We shook on it.

As if sensing they were in peril, Claire and Lucie shivered under my gaze.

This isn't too bad at all!

…

…

The king and his entourage left some time after the troops made their retreat.

The Japanese didn't follow after them and chose to stick around.

"...! Will you really do that for us, Satou-san?!"

I asked them to stay as I had a business proposal for my fellow Japanese.

"About the pay, I can give you this much…"

"This… This is a higher pay than normal 'S' rank missions! At least triple the amount!"

The reincarnated Japanese are out of work since they made most of their income fighting in the front lines against the Devil King army forces.

When the war ended, the Japanese adventurers were restricted in the quests they could accept from Adventurer Guilds.

This is due to the 'Level cap' that prevents high-levelled adventurers from hoarding jobs meant for weaker adventurers.

The only quests available to them are the 'S' rank suicide quests that aren't impossible to do for the OP Japanese, however, the reward money is simply not worth the risk of death.

And if the Japanese combine forces to do an 'S' rank quest, they can beat it easily enough, but the reward money will have to be split between them.

Simply put, it's easier to take on high paying but relatively straight forward mercenary work, such as the job they were given by the council.

"Certainly, if Satou-san pays each of us this amount, we can all group together and finish any 'S' rank quest while not worrying about the paltry pay."

"And Satou-san has that goddess with him that can resurrect the dead, so we won't have to worry about dying!"

"Hooray for Satou-san! Hooray!"

They cheered my name after hearing my ingenious idea.

Heaving this, Darkness who was listening from the side, said,

"How generous of Kazuma. Providing his fellow countrymen with work. I thought that you would abuse your riches once you had it, but I was mistaken."

She looked at me with pride and admiration in her eyes.

"And the only condition is that we have to give Satou-san the final killing blow to the monsters targeted by the 'S' rank quests!"

"Since I'm already high levelled, I don't really mind! The reward money is more than worth it!"

"I spoke too soon, scum."

The look of admiration immediately faded away.

"It's not like I would give away my precious money if I didn't benefit from doing so. Perhaps the Dustiness family who is always in the red because they waste their money towards useless charities should follow my example."

"Say that again?! Calling charities useless is… I'm sure Eris-sama is proud of the Dustiness family who provide aid for the weak and unfortunate!"

After saying such haughty words, Darkness turned her nose up and stormed off.

"Um, Aqua-sama, I will leave soon, but it is nice to see you again…"

Meanwhile, Mitsu-something or other approached Aqua, who was lazily sitting on a rock.

"Being nice to me won't get you anything. I don't really have any money right now. I spent it all buying all sorts of stuff from the festival."

"I… I'm not peddling for cash!"

Aqua, aware of the financial difficulties of the Japanese, began shooing away Mitsu-something, as if he were a beggar.

What does he even see in her?

Don't be deceived by her looks.

That girl is rotten on the inside.

"Ahh! I lost againnnnn! Megumin cheated! Surely you cheated!"

"Fufu. I won't let the cries of a sore loser… Hey, watch it! Don't grab!"

Watching this tireless lot, I suddenly had a thought.

Let's go home, already.

 **Extra #1: By the pricking of my thumbs**

Sometimes, I'm frightened by the capabilities of my young charge.

Her ability to always stay a step ahead of everyone is, quite frankly…

Really scary.

Sending me out before the battle started in case her plans went awry.

Sacrificing Sylvia's magic resistant body to absorb the blow of that inconceivable explosion…

Along with using Sylvia as a shield, Maouko-sama was equipped with the supposedly unbreakable armor of the Devil Kings.

Nonetheless.

When I arrived to where Maouko-sama crash landed after using my divination to track her…

I found her naked in a barren wasteland that was once filled with life, and parts of her body were burnt.

"..."

Looking closely...

Her… Her body is not bad.

I kept those thoughts to myself as I secretly admired Maouko-sama's naked form.

Since her recovery, Maouko-sama has been busy.

Faking her death, she operated behind the scenes.

First, she sent me as a messenger to Wolbach.

As Maouko-sama expected, Wolbach refused to join our cause.

Nonetheless.

I understood why she refused.

It's not like I myself want to serve this egotistical brat.

I'm doing this only to survive.

I want to be in the winning side.

I will not make the mistake of making an enemy of Maouko-sama.

Because.

"Ah, Feydrick, there you are. What is Wolbach doing right now?"

I took a moment to close my eyes and concentrate.

"She's bathing in her favorite bathhouse, Maouko-sama."

"You pervert. Watching her naked body while she's unaware, huh?"

You're the one who asked!

"Feydrick, let me tell you this. Even something as small as a suggestion is very powerful."

Scary.

She sent me to Wolbach not necessarily to have her join our cause.

She wanted to plant a 'suggestion'.

'You have a reason to come after that party'.

Wolbach's other half.

That little hint wormed its way into Wolbach's brain.

Now, let's clarify something.

Wolbach is not so desperate to merge with her other half as to cause any conflict or trouble.

But after I left that suggestion, one day, Maouko-sama gave Wolbach a visit.

She took that worm and made it grow into a serpent.

What was once a suggestion, turned into an inkling.

And that inkling turned into desire.

Desire that might be there.

Desire that might not be there.

Who knows?

She did the same with the council of elders.

Now, we didn't expect the king to die on his own.

Maouko-sama was planning to dirty her hands and do the deed herself.

It was a pleasant surprise, the way things developed.

We had been planting the seeds with that council for a long time.

'Conquer the Crimson Demons and make a profit'

'Kill the explosion brat, she's too big of a threat to this country'

Those thoughts already existed in their heads.

Maouko-sama merely fanned the flames.

So that they would ignore common sense.

So that they would ignore reason.

Without Maouko-sama's influence, would they have issued the orders?

Who knows?

"Damn! It didn't work at all. That beefcake king should have just stayed dead."

Maouko-sama is quite the sore loser.

"Now, now. I'm sure some benefit arose out of all this…"

"Like what? The civil war didn't even last a day, that explosion user is still alive… None of our plans worked!"

Maouko-sama clutched at her dress as she kicked her feet petulantly.

Acting in such an immature manner while she's sitting on the sacred throne where her mighty ancestors sat…

Maouko-sama is scary, but she's still just a child.

"No matter. I will increase our influence on Wolbach just a bit more. Not enough that anyone would be able to detect it, but just enough… Then you will visit her again… Maybe she won't say 'no', this time…"

Maouko-sama.

She's still just a child.

And a sore-loser, at that.

 **Extras #2: A bathtime blessing on this chunnibyou!**

"Chomusuke sure likes baths."

Darkness said, as we watched my familiar floating on the water in a wooden bucket that was filled with her personal bath water.

"Uwaa, it's good to be home! Kazuma sure had the right idea, recommending we go to the bathhouse and destress from that tiring trip."

"...Do you think he's somehow watching us right now?"

"..." x 3.

"D… Don't be ridiculous, Darkness!"

Aqua laughed nervously as she finished washing her hair.

You're still looking around nervously, though.

After we finished shampooing, we moved to the bath, joining Chomusuke.

As I submerged my legs in the bath, I noticed Aqua was staring at me.

Oh?

Have my breasts grown without my knowledge and Aqua is noticing?

"Megumin, I sense a change in you…"

So they've grown?!

"There's some kind of magic on you right now. [Detect Magic]!"

"W… Whoa, hey…"

Aqua suddenly became face level with my navel and carefully examined it.

Staring at my tummy so intently…

It wasn't my breasts that grew bigger, it was my stomach?!

"I knew it! There is a minor illusion spell on Megumin's tummy for some reason! [Detect Magic] tells me the spell is [Illusory Script], which allows one to hide written words under a minor invisibility spell…"

That spell is normally used by my clan when we write letters.

It is common for letters between clan members to feature complicated encryptions and multiple layers of illusion magic, which hide very cool secret messages underneath...

But, why is such a thing on my…

"!"

Wait a second…

The revenge! Kazuma was talking about…!

That liar…!

What was that about not stooping to my level?!

As for how Kazuma learned the [Illusory Script] spell, he must have found one such encryption in the letter the chief sent to Yunyun.

With [Detect Magic], one can learn a basic spell upon examining its effects.

"Aqua! Use your [Break spell] and let's see what shameful humiliation Kazuma has planned for Megumin! Huff… Huff… Huff…!"

Darkness, don't get turned on!

But, before I could object, Aqua placed her hands on my tummy.

"[Break spell]!"

"Eep!"

Aqua's magic made my stomach all tingly.

"There! The words are starting to appear!"

"...It's probably just a lewd joke about my 'sacred sheath [Avalon]', isn't it?"

"Let's see… E-Eh?! First line is, 'Dear Megumin: I realize that I haven't had a chance to confess, so here I… GO?! Wait, Megumin, why are you diving in the water! It was getting good!"

Unable to handle the shock and embarrassment, I dove under the water.

That… That knucklehead!

I know that you are embarrassed to confess, but…

Such indirect methods are even more embarrassing, you know?!

"Wait, Megumin! You're going to make the ink run!"

…

…

In the end, we didn't get to read the message.

When we came out, Kazuma saw us and suddenly turned red.

"D… Did you read it?"

So that's why he insisted on going to the bathhouse.

He planned to have Aqua notice the spell and read the message to us.

"U-Um, yeah…"

We can't tell him that the water washed away the ink before we could read it.

"T… That's great! So, Megumin and everyone… You all know how I feel now. Megumin confessed in front of everyone, so I thought this was fair. Ah… It's embarrassing, though! But at least I got it off my chest… I'm relieved! Ah. Here. You girls probably want something cold to drink, huh? Here's some ice cold neroid to enjoy after the bath!"

Kazuma gave us a smile, the most honest smile I've ever seen from him.

"..." x 3.

"Huh? Why are you girls so quiet? Did you want some iced tea, instead? They're also serving that…"

"T… Thanks! D… Darling! Ah, this ice cold neroid is really good! Say, why don't we go on a date after this, darling?!"

"Huh? Oh… Sure!"

Gah! Stop smiling like that!

Kazuma… No, darling!

I didn't receive your heartfelt message at all!

Forgive meeeee!

…

…

 **Chapter 22.5 END**

 **Next chapter: A Broken Power Leveling Scheme for this Lazy HikiNEET!**


	25. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: A Broken Power Leveling Scheme for this Lazy HikiNEET!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreading: Marv**

 **...**

 **...**

 **Part 1**

"What is this strange looking artifact, Kazuma?"

The morning after we got back from the trip, we woke up much later than we usually would and had a late breakfast.

Well, Aqua and I usually wake up at noon anyways.

After breakfast, I presented the souvenirs I purchased from that gift shop in heaven.

One of these souvenirs is the 'artifact' Darkness is examining right now.

"I don't know what it is, but it looks pretty cool."

Megumin joined Darkness as they both tentatively poked at this strange item before them.

"This is a wonderful device from my country. I don't know if I told all of you this yet, but in my country I was tasked with protecting my home from potential invaders and enemies. I stayed home all day in order to carry out this task. In order to keep my skills sharp, I used this device to hone my reflexes, and also to hone my fighting skills in simulations…"

"Hey, Kazuma, these are just game consoles aren't they? And they even come with a TV, huh? And what's with this talk about protecting your home and all that? Weren't you just a NEET who played video games all day… Hmmph?!"

"Now, now! Hush, Aqua! Now, why don't you two try this console… I mean, magic item, out? Ha ha ha… Come over here with me for a sec, Aqua-san~"

I dragged Aqua to the side and said,

"Oi! You lied to me! You told me that heaven was some kind of over glorified retirement home and all people do is bask in the sunlight!"

"I didn't lie! As Kazuma was of that moment, you would have gone to the economy seat equivalent of heaven! The heaven Kazuma visited is the first class heaven reserved for those who have accomplished great things in their life!"

Now that I think about it, karma did seem to play a big part in that heaven I visited.

But, isn't there too much of a polarity? The normal heaven is an eternity of basking in the sunlight like a bunch of vegetables, an eternity of celibacy. Meanwhile, the heaven reserved for big shots is like a big amusement park.

No, actually there didn't seem to be much of a difference. Even in the 'first class seat' heaven, the folks there didn't have anything better to do than spy and gossip about the affairs of the living.

"Whoooaa! Kazuma, this thing is making a bunch of scary noises! What do I do?! And I can't read the letters on the screen at all! What kind of language is this?!"

The manual I read last night said that the console's default language is set to Japanese but could be changed to the common language of this world.

After fiddling with the settings, I let Megumin and Darkness experiment with the console themselves.

"W… Whoa! What kind of magic is making this… this moving imagery possible?! This is amazing! The magic items in Kazuma's country are quite amazing!"

"Don't be so impressed by this device that is a fixture in every Japanese household, you two… Hmmmph?!"

I shut up Aqua who wasn't satisfied unless she ruined the good mood.

They were still clumsy with the controls, but Darkness and Megumin were having a lot of fun playing their first ever video game.

After about half an hour...

"Now that I levelled up, I will spend all my skill points on magic power."

"I will do the same, but with defence, instead."

The whole point of RPG's is to escape reality for a bit, but these two were content to play as their incompetent selves even in a game.

Nostalgia overcame me as I watched them play. I recalled the times I'd play games with my little brother, how we'd get all competitive with one another and how we'd lose track of time, often times forgetting that we had school the next day and end up staying awake all night to play.

"Aqua, let's play with these together."

"Oh, Kazuma even got some handheld ones, huh? Very well, I accept Kazuma's challenge! I've also played my fair share of games back in heaven, you know? Don't underestimate me!"

So she admits to slacking off on the job and playing games, huh?

As Aqua and I set up our handhelds for LAN play, Megumin called to me,

"Kazuma, Kazuma, please help me. I want to attack right now but for some reason my character refuses to move."

Her face looked calm but she's furiously mashing on the buttons.

"This might be a weird concept for Megumin, but in this type of game, you must wait your turn before your character can attack again. Right now it is the enemy slime's turn to attack."

"I don't get it. Why must we politely wait for these slimes to attack? Must we really extend such courtesy to mere monsters? And why are the powerful slimes our opponent when we are still weak? What a cruel world…"

"It's your world that's backwards. There's no way that slimes are actually powerful monsters. I'm glad that you're all suffering the same culture shock I went through."

In this world, the vegetables have a will of their own and you can find a powerful lich and an all seeing devil barely scrounging up money in their little store.

Also, for some reason, slimes are considered powerful monsters.

Meanwhile, Aqua and I started playing a more competitive game.

"No fair! Kazuma is cheating! Kazuma probably coerced the gift shop staff to rig the game for his benefit! Admit it! Tricking a goddess is a sin, you know?!"

Aqua pulled on her hair in frustration as I pummeled her chosen fighter onto destructible objects set up around the battle stage.

"I'm not a cheater. How dare you accuse me of such a thing. We can switch devices if Aqua wants, but it'd be easier to come to terms with the gap of skill between us… Oi! How… How does Aqua know about that cheat combo?! That's banned in tournaments, you know?! Let me down already!"

Aqua ignored my cries as she continued mashing buttons, continuously delivering uppercuts to my character, suspending him in the air in an unbreakable, juggling chain combo.

As if I'd lose to Aqua of all people!

"Time to show this casual gamer who only plays games to kill time who's boss! Take this!"

"What's wrong with being a casual gamer?! Why is Kazuma so proud of his former status as a harcore gamer who didn't have friends or a girl?! Ah, I died."

To think that I'd have to go all out against Aqua…

Now that I think about it, Aqua is talented in all sorts of weird things. If she puts her mind to it, this goddess who is a genius only when it comes to useless skills might steadily get better at fighting games…

I'll have to beat her down before she realizes her potential!

"Kazuma, Kazuma. It says here that the slime has joined our party after we defeated it. We can now make it our pet. Is it possible to… Ehe, have my character 'play' with the slime somewhere private…?"

Darkness said as she stared lewdly at the slime now following behind her party.

Compared to Aqua, those two have no gamer potential whatsoever.

 **Part 2**

After a few hours playing with our new toys, I debated with myself whether I should present the gift I bought for Megumin at this time.

"The way Kazuma is gently looking at me feels really nice, but my instincts are telling me to keep my guard up."

Am I really that untrustworthy?

"Don't worry. Megumin will see later."

I felt up the small box tucked inside my pocket to ensure it was still there.

"I don't mind Kazuma and Megumin's flirting, but please consider who we are visiting. If you guys flirt around that lich who is destined to stay an expired Christmas cake for all of eternity, she will only get depressed."

"Even though Aqua is insulting Wiz and not me, why do I feel compelled to hit Aqua really hard right now?"

Because Aqua's words hit you on a deeply personal level, Expired-tina.

With nothing else to do in the afternoons, normally we hang out at Wiz's store.

At first Vanir would complain, especially when we brought Aqua along, but he must have gotten tired of complaining after some time and gave up on resisting.

At the sound of the door chime, Wiz, who was working hard wiping down a counter that already looked well washed, looked up from her work and greeted us with a welcome.

"Everyone's here! I'll make some tea… Ow! What was that for, Vanir-san?!"

Vanir chopped Wiz on the head. He said,

"These people are already so rich, why art thou offering tea?! The rich don't need our hospitality! Moi will serve our guests some tap water. That will satisfy them!"

"Vanir-san is so cheap… I'm just acting like a good host to our friends…"

"If they were true friends, they would do moi the favor of purchasing all the useless goods this dimwitted shopkeeper bought in bulk! By the way, young man who is getting full of himself recently just because things are going well with his love life… Would you be interested in these excellent products we have in stock?"

"Don't try to sell me stuff you were just dissing. Do you think I'm stupid?"

I've already given Vanir the intellectual rights to my inventions, the goods that closely resemble everyday products in Japan. There's also the Vanir-doll stall I let him set up in Kazu-mall and all those 'fortune-telling picture booths', which I allowed to stay in operation, even though those things already trolled me once.

After all that, they're still broke?

"For this shop to consistently stay in the red… Wiz, please let Vanir have complete control over the store's operation."

"Is Kazuma-san siding with Vanir-san?! Please don't! I can't handle it if you two gang up on me!"

"Please don't say things that will be easily misinterpreted! See, this Perv-tina over here is getting excited!"

"I'm… I'm not!"

While the usual banter was going on, Aqua had already taken her favorite seat by the windows.

"Oi! Wiz, where's the tea?! You're always so slow with the service, how long are you going to make me wait?!"

"This isn't some cafe, and don't treat a high-levelled lich like Wiz in such a manner. It's pitiful to watch."

Despite what I said, Wiz ran to the back of the store and quickly came out with a pot and cups, carrying it all in a service tray.

"I'm sorry for the wait! Here's your tea, Aqua-sama!"

"About time… Pffft…! What's this?! Are you making fun of me?! Think I'm retarded or something?! Don't you even know how to brew tea?! Do it again!"

You just purified it, didn't you?

"Y… Yes! I'm sorry!"

As I was about to discipline this former something-or-other for bullying the gullible Wiz, I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned my head, I saw Vanir holding his hand out to me.

"Moi will charge thou 200 eris for that tea."

"I'll pay, but for Vanir to extort me just for tea… Are you guys OK?"

At this point, these two will be in business even after we've all died and gone on to heaven.

"Moi doesn't want thou pity! Just pay up and go flirt with that explosion-addict turned HikiNEET addict as she is clearly craving thou's attention!"

"What nonsense is this devil saying?! That's not true at all! Stop reading my mind already!"

That pretty much confirms it.

To keep Megumin from blowing up the store, Darkness pulled her aside to look at the merchandise.

Vanir coughed once to get my attention back.

"Going back to the topic, moi will not say that the shopkeeper and moi is in desperate need for money. That said, making money is indeed a priority for us. Moi is even thinking about selling the shopkeeper's body. Would thou be interested?"

"Selling Wiz's body, you say? Very well. I'm interested. So will this be a one-time payment or does Vanir want me to pay in installments?"

As I was negotiating with Vanir, I heard the sound of glass breaking behind me.

Megumin had just dropped a crystal ball she was holding.

"Oi, what is Megumin doing?! Sorry, Vanir, just put that on my tab. So, back to our conversation… How much will Vanir sell Wiz's body for?"

"I… I thought I misheard or misunderstood somehow… But what is Kazuma going on about now?! Is Kazuma really cheating on me so soon after he… er, confessed… Ah, a-actually… Please go ahead and do what you want… Haha…"

"M… Megumin! Just because you feel guilty about failing to receive Kazuma's confe… um, _that_ , doesn't mean you should give up so easily!"

Darkness encouraged Megumin who suddenly lost motivation.

G… Guilty?

"What could Megumin be feeling guilty for?! Don't tell me… Megumin has been allowed to drink for a while now… So some kind of accident happened while you were out drinking with a male adventurer, that's what happened?! I'll forgive Megumin as long as that male adventurer didn't put it in anywhere important, so just be honest with me!"

"Ehhh?! Didn't Kazuma just say something ridiculous right now?! How dare you accuse me of cheating! I'm a faithful and principled woman! It's Kazuma I'm worried about! You were just talking about buying Wiz's body just now, weren't you?! I heard it!"

Wiz, who returned with more tea for Aqua, looked over to us when she heard Megumin's words.

"E-Eh? Selling… My body? Has it really come to this? Um... If it's Kazuma-san, I'm fine with that, I suppose…"

"Even Wiz is… Just back off from my man! I thought Wiz wasn't a threat, but I should have known better! Anyone with big boobs is my enemy!"

"How… How could Megumin say that?!"

Darkness exclaimed as she fell into Megumin's definition of an 'enemy'.

To the distressed Megumin, before she came to anymore disturbing conclusions, I said,

"When Vanir said 'sell Wiz's body' I knew right away he didn't mean anything lewd. I won't fall for such cheap flags unlike Megumin. As a long-time victim of Megumin's blue-balling, I know better than to get the wrong idea over some misleading wording."

"Just stop bringing up that blue-balling thing already…"

"And besides, knowing this devil, he is just provoking Megumin to absorb some negative emotions from her."

"As expected of the brat who once fooled even moi, the devil who sees all, thou have read my intentions. Well, enough about that. These feelings of jealousy are quite delicious but I would rather head straight to business."

Wiz raised her hand meekly and said,

"Um… By 'selling my body', Vanir-san is talking about selling my hair and fingernails, which is filled with magic power as I am a Lich, to Kazuma-san, right?"

That's also what I assumed as well. Those 'ingredients' extracted from a Lich sell well in the market as they are rare and highly sought after by mages and magic item crafters.

In that case, I didn't understand why Vanir couldn't just sell those highly-sought after products to real practitioners, as I'm not exactly a mage, myself. Those with an appreciation and need for a specific product would pay more than someone without any interest.

Megumin also doesn't really have an interest in other types of magic outside of explosion magic. The only magic item she is able to craft is an elixir that will cure one from the drowsiness that follows a heavy meal.

"That's not what moi was talking about. Moi is the devil who sees all! Moi knows about thou's despicable plan to raise his stats while exploiting the circumstances of his fellow countrymen. And for that purpose, I offer thou Wiz's valuable services…"

After chuckling to himself, Vanir explained his plan to me.

"...! I… I see!"

Vanir just informed me of something amazing.

"Now that I've explained it to thou… Let us discuss this shopkeeper's hourly rate… And for giving thou this idea, I will also be charging thou for that…"

As Vanir and I hunched close for negotiations, Aqua, who had been idly watching us as she drank tea, said,

"What's all this talk about Wiz selling her body? Who would be interested in that rotting body filled with worms?"

"Mean! Aqua-sama is so mean! I don't have any worms whatsoever!"

 **Part 3**

"I don't really know what Kazuma and Vanir is up to, but it's probably something really scummy."

After visiting Wiz and Vanir, we went home and spent the rest of the afternoon playing games.

"It's none of Darkness's business. By the way, there's no point in spending so much money on health potions since Darkness's character already has maxed out defence. In fact, why don't you spend some points on offensive stats already."

I could say that exact same thing to the real Darkness.

"A Crusader's true calling is to protect their comrades… Although, sometimes having a high defence means that most attacks don't even inflict any pain, which is unfortunate…"

"Your true nature was revealed at the end there."

As Megumin and Darkness's party was heavily unbalanced, they always died and needed to be revived at the last visited church.

Even the slime who joined their party is more reliable than the player controlled characters.

"This is pitiful to watch. Allow me to join your party."

I took a controller and sat between Megumin and Darkness on the couch.

"Fufu. Since Kazuma is still level 1 and has weak stats, allow us veteran adventurer onee-sans to take care of you."

Megumin gave me a wry smile as I created my character and joined their party.

"Oh? That sounds fun. I want to join but I'm in charge of cooking today… I know, I'll order take out instead!"

"Go back to the kitchen. Aqua already skimped out on her duties and ordered take out last time."

"But everyone is having fun…"

Aqua moped as she dragged herself back to the kitchen. Meanwhile, we encountered our first enemy.

"Oooh! It's the enemy that killed us earlier!"

Megumin stood from her seat as she saw three cyclopes' ambush our caravan.

"For us to encounter such strong foes… I will sacrifice myself and buy everyone time to retreat. Don't worry about me!"

"Must Darkness act like her usual rotten self even in a video game?"

With Darkness in the vanguard, the enemy mobs couldn't penetrate our line of defense.

Megumin used up all her mana to take out one of the cyclops. The remaining two are now beating up on Darkness.

All I could do was slowly whittle down on the cyclopes' health with my beginner weapon while Darkness was on perma-guard and Megumin waited for her mana bar to fill up.

Every turn, the slime and I were the only ones doing damage, which didn't amount to much.

"H… How thrilling! I wonder if we'll make it out of this alive?!"

"..."

To first-timers who have never played video games before, the sheer novelty must be plenty exciting.

It's like when 'Pong' first came out and people had their minds blown despite the bleak, minimalist gameplay and visuals.

To me, though, this kind of monotonous grind was way too boring.

It's not like the game was designed as a slow burn, the playstyles of these two are just way too inconvenient in all sorts of ways.

"A… Amazing! The slime managed to land a critical hit! That's a whole ten points of damage!"

"Hmph… We might be able to beat these guys in under half an hour. My mana is also quickly charging up. Our progress is astonishing…"

"Yeah, I'm gonna help Aqua with dinner now. Have fun, you two."

"Eh? Why is Kazuma leaving?! Kazuma is the secondary damage dealer, second only to the slime!"

So the slime is the MVP of this party?

And don't rank me lower than a slime.

I left those two alone as they stayed riveted to the underwhelming gameplay.

Playing as a weak level 1 with a bunch of useless teammates reminded me too much of my days as a rookie adventurer.

Compared to the insane power leveling I have planned, I'm not interested in this slow grind.

Tomorrow I plan to meet with the Japanese reincarnates, and I'm bringing along Wiz and Aqua, just in case things go wrong.

Those two who considered a slime as their main offensive weapon would be useless to my goals. Hopefully they'd get addicted to that game and not insist on coming along with me.

"Kekeke…"

"Why is Kazuma laughing like that?"

As I moved to the kitchen and helped Aqua chop some onions, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself.

"Why work hard when you can have others do the work for you! You will all finally respect me after I attain unimaginable power! Mwahahaha… Ouch."

"Geez… Be careful. I'll heal that for Kazuma, so hold still."

In my excitement, I accidentally cut my finger with the knife.

 **Part 4**

There are many dangerous dungeons in this land.

In Axel alone, there is the infamous Keele's dungeon named after the powerful Arch-Wizard turned Lich who made it, and also the most dangerous dungeon in town, where we fought that Mystic Spider, the Bonekeep dungeon.

"..."

Just thinking about that last dungeon brings back a lot of painful memories.

Those two dungeons caused me a load of problems, and they still don't come close in terms of danger level compared to the largest and most dangerous dungeon in the country.

Known as Blazing Core dungeon, it is the only S+++ ranked dungeon in the country. You could even argue that it is one of the most dangerous locations in the world.

Rumors say that the sheer aura of maliciousness that pervades the dungeon is enough to incapacitate a rookie adventurer.

As if this place wasn't any more intimidating, did I mention that the dungeon is located inside a volcano?

Normally I would never even consider visiting this dungeon, even as a sightseeing tourist. And knowing the type of company I keep around, the girls will surely say dangerous things like 'let's test our mettle in that infamous dungeon!'

But, for the sake of my ingenious plan, I must brave all 20 floors of this terrifying dungeon…

Well, in reality, there's no need for such dramatics. After all, with me is…

"Satou-san! Once again, we would all like to thank you for this opportunity! We won't let you down!"

Right here with me, armed to the teeth with intimidating looking gear and cheat weapons, were the reincarnated Japanese I hired.

"Ah, same here, Kazuma-san! I will make sure to work hard! I will be in your care…"

And although I don't need her combat power this time around, I also have Wiz with me in case things get awry.

"Sigh… Just when I thought our adventuring days are over. Very well. I already know that Kazuma can't do anything without me. Let's do this!"

Oh, yeah. Aqua is here too.

As expected, Darkness and Megumin were too preoccupied grinding up levels in that game and didn't raise a fuss when I told them I'd go on a 'field trip' with Aqua.

I'm out here training to improve myself while those girls are idling away playing video games.

Why can't they be as motivated as me?

Seeing as everyone was gathered, I felt compelled to give a speech,

"Everyone, thanks for coming. As you know, out of the sheer goodness of my heart, I felt the need to provide assistance to my fellow countrymen, as well as one of my good friends who is financially struggling right now…"

"I thought Kazuma is doing this because he's too lazy to get stronger the normal way and decided to exploit these… Hmpph!"

"Well, I'm not really the type to say long speeches, so why don't we go ahead and enter the dungeon already… Haha…"

I quickly covered the mouth of Aqua who was about to say something unnecessary.

The Japanese cheered as they filed in, with Wiz in the lead. Vanir told me that Wiz often comes to this dungeon to gather magical ingredients.

Sometimes she comes here to destress, taking her frustrations out on the monsters. For someone as powerful as Wiz, a dangerous dungeon like this acts as therapy, huh?

"You know, I remember telling Kazuma that I can imagine him using his wealth to pay a bunch of powerful adventurers to fight the devil king, while Kazuma comes in to steal the kill. While the target is not the devil king this time, I didn't think that my prophecy would come true…"

"Can you just shut up already? It's not like I desperately need Aqua to come along. Once I get enough skill points I will invest them in healing, curse break and other priest spells. After today, Aqua will become truly useless."

"How could you even say that?! And I told Kazuma not to take away my purpose for existing! Learning healing spells or any priest spells is banned! I know, why doesn't Kazuma learn explosion or something?! That will score a lot of points with Megumin!"

Desperate to steer my attention from priest spells, Aqua mentioned this alternative to me.

"Um, Aqua-sama, I've been looking at you all this while but you didn't seem to notice me. Hello there, as well, Satou Kazuma."

Approaching us was a good looking Japanese who carried a sword at his back and wore expensive looking armor.

"Who are you again?"

"Are you messing with me?! We were just talking a few days ago, weren't we, Satou Kazuma?! It's me, it's me! Mitsurugi Kyouya!"

"Ah, Katsuragi-san, it's nice to meet you. So you're in need of money too, huh? Times are tough these days. Well, make sure to do a good job for me and I might even give you a little bit extra."

"Well, thanks, but somehow it feels like I'm being looked down upon? Ah, sorry, that might just be my imagination… Right?"

Mitsu-something laughed self-consciously as he rubbed the back of his head.

Even as he was talking to me, he kept glancing at Aqua. Really, what does he see in that girl?

Perhaps I should rent a magic camera and take some photos of Aqua in her natural habitat? That might eliminate any mistaken feelings of admiration.

"Kazuma-san, we're here at the entrance. To advance, we must descend these stairs. There are some hidden traps along these stairs, so please be careful, everyone."

We entered single file. At first I planned to lead at the front since I had detection skills, but Wiz was the only one familiar with this place. She was also powerful enough to take care of any monsters that might ambush us.

"The first level is relatively tame compared to the others. For now, expect some encounters with griffons, wyverns and some lightning birds."

Why are there so many winged monsters in a dungeon?

And what exactly is your definition of 'tame', Wiz?

"Don't worry! Even if it's a flighting bird or whatever, I'll make sure to take care of them all! I'll even flood this whole dungeon if I have to!"

"You'll be doing no such thing. And it's lightning bird, not flighting bird. What kind of redundant existence is that?"

I immediately rebuked Aqua as she was starting to scare the others with all her talk of 'flooding'.

Still…

Wiz casually mentioned that griffons were among the weakest monsters in this dungeon.

I know that I'm surrounded by O.P. individuals but…

...Is this really such a good idea?

 **Part 5**

"[Holy Sword Adrondight]!"

"[Twilight Blade Seraphim]!"

"[Demon Mallet Ragnarok]!"

"Guuuuurrrrr! Guuu…"

The cerberus boss that was guarding the 5th floor fell to its knees after synchronized attacks from all manners of cheat weapons.

I had doubts earlier, but...

...Perhaps bringing all these guys here was a bit overkill.

Nonetheless…

"Let's go, my partner!"

"Guuuu!"

The cerberus let out a final cry as I finished it off with Chunchunmaru.

"Good job, everyone! Hmm… Cerberus fur sells for quite a lot, but…"

Wiz looked at me as if to say 'will you let me have some?'

Since it was a bit awkward to bring up, I hadn't decided how to distribute the loot, yet.

With big monsters like the cerberus, there was enough fur to go around for everyone, even me.

But if some rare, valuable artifact is discovered in a treasure box somewhere, I can really only say 'finders keepers'.

"For now, let's skin the fur and divide it among everyone."

As they set about to doing that, I looked over at my adventurer's card.

Despite stealing kills on a bunch of monsters until now, surprisingly my level hasn't advanced as much as I expected.

It is said that talent and potential plays a major part in how much one gains experience points and levels.

This goes the same way with skill points. Those with high potential can earn at least three skill points upon levelling up. As for the talentless me, I earn one skill point per level.

"Wiz, it's a bit early, but I think we need to do it."

"Oh! OK! Just let me take my share of the fur, here…"

She's really fixated on that fur.

Once Wiz ensured that she got a fair cut of the loot, she set about to fulfill my true reason for hiring her.

Placing her hands on my forehead, she chanted the words for the spell,

"Then… [Level Drain]!"

"...Hgk!"

I felt a slight chill go through me as Wiz's magic invaded my body.

"Tch! I can't handle the sight of this unholy magic… I'm getting the desire to purify this Lich once and for all!"

"Eeep! Please don't do that, Aqua-sama!"

"Oi, Aqua, stop fooling around! We're in the middle of something here!"

Once the procedure was finished, I hurriedly looked at my card once more.

"Phew…"

I couldn't help but sigh in relief.

As Vanir assured me, while my level went down, my stats and skills were unaffected.

All the adventurer's card does is unlock the potential within. Levels are merely a benchmark for how much an individual has progressed.

Since learned skills are already ingrained into the adventurer's DNA, they are exempt from the effects of [Level Drain].

The same thing can be applied to stats, the high luck I was born with or the strength stat I've been steadily increasing with my 'Z*nk*i Boost' training won't suddenly deteriorate.

As for the [Level Drain] skill, Liches are one of the only beings who can use it. Furthermore, this skill is deadly for just about anyone, while I'm the exception due to my unique situation.

If the victim's levels are fully drained and hits 'negative levels', they will die. Of course, Wiz doesn't intend to kill me. And if anything goes wrong, I have Aqua around just in case. For anyone else a serious [Level Drain] means insta-death.

As for why I needed a method to reset my level…

With my limited potential, it will be hard to gain levels no matter how many times I grind. Also, it will be more efficient to keep on levelling from level 1, as beginner adventurers have the benefit of quickly rising in levels.

For reference, I raised three levels as a beginner when I killed those giant toads. Now, imagine this benefit at work as I kill high levelled monsters from an S+++ rank dungeon while constantly resetting.

That's right, it's absurd.

With this method, one can theoretically cultivate skill points infinitely.

"Kekekeke…!"

"Kazuma is making that weird laugh again."

I can't help it.

As a gamer, I can't help but be delighted by exploits like this.

Like accidentally stumbling across a game breaking cheat in a game…

I'm not one of those asshat purists who care about 'immersion' or 'playing the game as the developers intended'.

That's right. This kind of method suits me best.

I've only just resetted my level, so those experience points from the cerberus only raised my level once.

So far, from this dungeon run prior to the reset, I've gone up three levels.

That's not enough for the skill I want to learn!

In order to make this method even more broken, I need way more skill points!

"OK, everyone has their furs now? Let's move on to the next floor!"

"Roger!"

…

...

"Alright, that's good enough for today! Let's continue the rest for tomorrow."

"Eh? Is Satou-san alright with that? We can handle a few more floors."

"No, no, there's no need to force yourselves. And if you sustained any injuries at all, make sure to ask Aqua to heal you. She has yet to make herself useful after all~"

We had just finished floor six.

During that time…

Well.

Let's just say that I have yet to process just how many skill points I earned during that stretch.

This might be weird coming from me, but…

This method just may be too much.

This is getting ridiculous.

With shaking hands, I took out my card again.

I looked at the first skill I learned ever since the reset.

"Gulp…"

I audibly gulped as I looked at this certain skill that will make my method even more broken and abusive.

We didn't want to take the long way back, so I supplied [Scrolls of Teleportation] to everyone.

Once we made it out to the entrance, I made sure to divvy up that day's salary to the Japanese and Wiz.

"Eh? Are you alright with this, Satou Kazuma? This is much more than we agreed upon…"

Mitsu-something said as he looked at the pouch full of Eris I gave him.

"Ah, no… I'm really rich, so it's fine, really! Just helping my fellow countrymen out… Haha…"

"Well, thank you. It might be weird since I'll be using your money to pay, but I'd like to take Satou Kazuma… That is, Kazuma-san, for a drink sometime…"

"Ahaha… You don't need to…"

Stop looking at me like that.

You'll make me feel guilty.

"Aqua-sama is invited too! I'm not sure if the dignified Aqua-sama would like alcohol, though…"

"Hm? Of course I'm interested! You're gonna treat, me, right?"

So that's what you were after, huh?

While those two struck up a conversation, mostly one-sided with Aqua babbling off about her love for alcohol, Wiz came up to me carrying a bag filled with furs and other miscellaneous loot. She said,

"Thanks to Kazuma-san, the landlord won't yell at me this month. Again, thank you! So, I will see Kazuma-san here again tomorrow?"

"Ah, well, I might not even be present tomorrow…"

"Eh? Are we not going to do a dungeon raid tomorrow?"

"I still want to grind levels using this dungeon, but…"

"Um… I have a feeling that Kazuma-san is up to something not good…?"

Well, in my eyes, it was very good.

 **Part 6**

"Hm? Who are these little guys. Don't they resemble Kazuma? They're actually quite cute."

Megumin said as she examined my handiwork.

"These are golems I created with the [Golem Creation] skill. For some reason, these chibis happen to take on my looks. Actually, don't they resemble Vanir's dolls? Hey, I don't want Megumin touching them so much. Even though they resemble me, somehow I'm getting the feeling of NTR."

I snatched the golem away from Megumin who was getting all touchy-feely with it.

If you're going to do that, do so with the real thing. I'm right here.

"I heard that Kazuma is currently undergoing a rather unique training regiment. If he learned the [Golem Creation] skill so fast, that must mean it's working well."

"Yeah… It's working pretty well…"

Though it's about to get even better.

"So why did Kazuma learn [Golem Creation] to start with? They have decent attack power but they don't have a lot of offensive uses. If you're just looking for decoys, we already have Darkness to fulfill that role."

"I heard that!"

Darkness was reading a book when she heard Megumin's diss.

She was sitting upright like a prim and proper ojou-sama. After closing her book and gently placing it on an accent table, she said,

"Kazuma already has a bunch of dubious skills. Isn't it about time he learned a proper offensive skill? Even Kazuma's main offensive skill is just a basic archery skill."

"I don't want to hear that from this fake Crusader who can't land a hit on a stationary target."

"Why you…! Eh? The Kazuma dolls are piling on top of me?! Hey, make them stop… Ah. This is… um… Please don't be so rough… Hehe."

This unrepentant pervert is actually blushing as my golems hop onto her.

"Hmph. Mock my golems all you want for now, but once you see their true purpose, I wonder if you'll continue to mock them so… Fufu."

"Cool! Kazuma is acting so cool right now! Almost like a member of my clan!"

For Megumin to praise me like that while looking at me with sparkling eyes.

Was… Was I really acting that chuuni?

Which reminds me, I've yet to give that gift to her.

Maybe tonight I will pull her aside for a talk.

As Darkness's attention was on my minions, I grabbed a piece of scrap paper and hurriedly scrawled on it.

After I discreetly handed my message to her, Megumin read it and blushed.

Giving me a quick nod of affirmation, she folded the scrap paper, then tucked it in the pocket of her pajama bottoms.

"..." x 2.

We stared at each other silently.

"Ehehehe… The little Kazumas are…"

Meanwhile, Darkness seems to be having the time of her life.

 **Part 7**

...At the adventurer's guild.

"Hm? Aniki seems to be in a good mood today. Did something good happen?"

One of the members of the 'Aniki Initiative' asked me this. I couldn't stop grinning while thinking about my appointment with Megumin.

Right now, I am having lunch with the former delinquents I was once tasked with rehabilitating. After our run-in with the Mystic Spider, these guys kept working hard as adventurers under my guidance.

Well, I've been neglecting them recently, but that's because these homos who have a thing for me got all agitated once they found out that Megumin and I have started dating.

"Don't mind that. I called you here today because I have work for you all…"

I took out a Kazu-doll, as Megumin insisted I call them, and placed it on the table.

"...! This is… A chibi aniki?! How cute! I want to hug it and squeeze it and glomp it~!"

"I want to take baths with it!"

"I want to turn it into a real boy…"

I'm starting to regret coming to these guys.

Ignoring their comments, I said,

"Recently you guys have become strong adventurers. Apparently, since you guys train on a nearly daily basis, your levels are actually pretty high now. Anyways, I want you all to go to a dungeon or wherever else you guys usually grind, and take this golem with you… Then, fight the monsters as usual, but I want you all to shave off the monster's health until it can't fight back anymore, without killing it, then let this little one deal the finishing blow."

Fufu.

Yes, this was the plan.

As it was created with my skill, an attack from this golem counts as _my_ attack.

A finishing blow it deals also counts as my finishing blow.

"Of course, for your efforts, I'm willing to pay you all handsomely."

"A kiss from aniki is fine~! We don't need money, just a little love and attention from aniki~! Chuuuuu~!"

"..."

I quickly left once my business with them was done with.

After that, I contacted all the adventurers I knew in town who wanted to make some money, which was most of them. After negotiations, I told them the same thing I told the guys from the 'Aniki initiative' and handed each party a golem.

I also contacted my fellow Japanese.

"Eh? You want us to split up?"

They didn't seem to understand what was going on, but dutifully listened.

"It's overkill with all of you guys together. Even the monsters from that dungeon don't stand a chance. I reckon one party of four will suffice for that dungeon. The rest will go to other dungeons."

After dividing them up in parties, I sent them all to various high-leveled dungeons in the country, giving them [Scrolls of Teleportation] for instantaneous travel.

My plan should be obvious now.

Hire as many people as possible and form a monster slaying network, then give each group a Kazu-doll, which will deal the killing blow to said monsters.

With this arrangement, I don't even have to do any work.

I can just have Wiz continuously cast [Level Drain] on me while I relax.

Fufufu…

Vanir might have given me the idea, but I'm the one who took it to the fabulous heights it's reached.

Maybe I really am a genius?

With this, Vanir's idea of infinitely cultivating skill points is actually feasible.

There is always a surplus of adventurers needing jobs, and I am more than happy to provide. With my riches, I can pay more than the average adventurer's guild.

Even without Wiz constantly resetting my level, if I just leave my network be, I will still steadily earn levels until the cap is reached.

Then I will come to Wiz for a reset.

"Aren't we supposed to be dungeon raiding right now? I'm all fired up! I want to talk to that Mitsu-something guy too! He's a way better listener than Kazuma and showers me with praises even when I don't ask for them!"

Get a clue already.

Right now, I'm visiting Wiz's store with Aqua.

Speaking of whom…

"Um, Kazuma-san? Is this 'lap pillow' really necessary...?"

"Yes, it's very necessary. I heard that direct skin contact will increase the effectiveness of touch based magic. We should make as much skin contact as we possibly can. Wiz should just be grateful that I'm not resting my head elsewhere. As a faithful man who already has Megumin, I will settle for Wiz's lap pillow."

"That makes sense… Um, I guess?"

I have been laying on Wiz's lap as she casts [Level Drain] on me. While rapidly cultivating skill points, I leisurely sip on the finest wine and relax on her cool lap.

"OK, let's take a five minute breather, Wiz. By the way, should I learn the [Dragon Tamer] skill? I once saw Dust tame a wyvern and now I can learn the skill too, apparently."

"What is Kazuma talking about… Ehh?! How is Kazuma increasing in levels even while he's lazing around?! Is that a glitch! Is Kazuma's card somehow glitching?!"

Aqua snatched the card I had been monitoring. Everytime my level goes up, I ask Wiz to cast [Level Drain] on me.

"I could explain my perfect plan to Aqua, but that would just be a waste of time… Oi! Give that back! What the hell did you just make me learn?! Don't tell me it's [Nature's Beauty]?!"

 **Part 8**

I finally let Wiz go for the night. I considered learning the [Level Drain] skill from her, but apparently you can't do something as absurd as draining your own levels.

After finishing dinner, Darkness and Megumin went back to playing that game. Even though they've been playing for several hours now, their characters are still low-leveled.

"Amazing! Slime-kun learned 'Mid-heal' when he levelled up! As expected of Slime-kun!"

"Not only is Slime-kun our most reliable DPS, he even has support skills… Simply fantastic! As expected of Slime-kun!"

They're still treating that run-of-the-mill slime like some kind of badass.

Though I didn't have any interest in playing with these RPG newbies, I did want to start a new game by myself. For now, I played fighting games with Aqua.

"God blowwwww! Eh? How did Kazuma dodge that?!"

"Aqua's too predictable. There's no way I'll keep falling for the same tricks."

As I thought, Aqua's ability to pick up weird talents allowed her to learn the mechanics and combos of her character almost immediately.

However, even with that…

She's still retarded.

She falls for the most basic feints and can't seem to figure out any winning strategies by herself.

It's unfortunate that her stats are already maxed out, since her intelligence has no chance of increasing.

We played for a few more hours until bedtime.

When it was my turn to use the bath, as I soaked in the warm water, my thoughts naturally drifted to my meeting with Megumin.

Wait a minute… This kind of scenario is…

Anxiously ruminating in the bath just before a night-time meeting with Megumin.

Last time, since I stalled too much, our rendezvous was interrupted by Chris.

After that, the mood became awkward with Megumin as she kept finding excuses to postpone the meeting.

"..."

W-Well, I think we've improved since then and we're no longer as clumsy or awkward.

As I got out of the bath and changed into my tracksuit, I felt for the small box I kept inside my pants pocket.

This is the gift I bought from heaven.

Inside the box is a ring adorned with a dragon emblem. When I saw it, I knew right away that it'd make the perfect gift for Megumin.

It has a chuuni design, after all.

While looking at this ring, I was suddenly reminded of a memory from the past…

When I was in elementary school, a female classmate once gave me obligatory chocolate for Valentines day.

Since I was very appreciative of her kind gesture, I splurged a bit on her White Day present and bought a ring that was quite expensive, at least, for a kid.

I thought it was a good gift until the night before White Day. I started having all kinds of thoughts about how this girl might get the wrong idea if I gave her expensive looking jewelry.

Surely, I will be teased if she decides to gossip about it, I thought.

After a restless night, in the end, I didn't give her the ring and ended up giving her sweets I bought on the way to school. Instead, I refunded the ring and bought a game for myself.

"..."

Wait a minute.

The reason why I remembered that embarrassing memory from the past…

I took out the small box and looked at it.

While the ring itself in no way resembled a wedding ring, there's always the possibility of a misunderstanding!

Before I could start worrying, however…

"Crap! I did it again! I wasted all this time in the bath!"

Once I was dressed, so as to avoid any more delays, I went out from the bathroom and headed straight to Megumin's room.

 **Part 9**

"Ah, Kazuma. You sure took your time. Well, come in."

"T… Thanks…"

Megumin greeted me in her pajamas. She moved aside to let me in, and softly closed the door behind her.

I don't have many chances to visit Megumin's room. Our nightly routine of chatting together while laying in bed occurred exclusively in my room, with Megumin coming over to visit.

Speaking of which, we haven't had any of those nightly talks recently after I called them a 'blue-balling torture'.

While those nightly visits that don't lead anywhere were indeed a punishment for my balls, I truly missed those late hours chatting with Megumin.

"Hm? Why is Kazuma just standing there? Come sit here with me."

Megumin was already sitting on her bed. She patted the mattress, urging me to sit.

"Now, what is it that Kazuma wanted to talk about? Could it be that Kazuma got the sudden desire to say his confession out loud? Ah, not that I had any problems receiving Kazuma's written confession by the way! Haha!"

Megumin is laughing awkwardly for some reason.

"Out loud…? I thought I was already pretty clear about it. What, did Megumin miss a couple lines because the ink started running in the bath, or something?"

"Ehhh?! How did Kazuma…?! I mean, no, not at all… I read all of it! Haha…"

Seeing Megumin act like this, I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's Kazuma laughing about?!"

Really… Why was I freaking out about that gift?

I already revealed my embarrassing feelings in my confession. Megumin already received them.

I should only be freaking out if Megumin hadn't received my confession for whatever reason, but obviously, she did.

But now that she understands how I feel, there's no way she'd freak out over one simple gift, despite the implications.

So, what am I feeling awkward about?

Megumin has already received my confession!

Read every little bit of it!

Yup, so there's no problem at all.

With that conviction, I reached into my pockets.

"Ah, crap."

Since I got excited, I accidently dropped it.

"Oh, whoops, sorry."

I went down on one knee to retrieve it.

"..."

As I looked up, I saw Megumin looking at me blankly.

It was then that I realized the kind of position I was in.

On one knee.

With a small, black box in my hand.

"..." x 2.

We stared at each other for a while.

"Eh?! Did you hear that, Megumin?! I heard some kind of strange noise from outside! Perhaps a female thief is breaking in again?!"

"What is Kazuma going on about now?"

I could really use a convenient interruption right now!

Before I could stop her, Megumin leaned down and took the box from my hand.

"Well, I know better than to come to the wrong conclusion. Despite what Kazuma said the other day, I can see through misunderstandings and cliched flags like this. There's no way that there'll be a ring or any… such… thing… in… side…"

Her voice trailed off as she opened the box.

"..." x 2.

Suddenly, I felt the air shift around me.

She started chanting a familiar spell…!

"...! Wait, Megumin! Why is your first instinct to fire explosion?! I know that Megumin always panics in unexpected situations, but try to calm down!"

"How can I calm down?! What kind of prank is this?! Kazuma is always talking about how much he hates cliched situations, but he goes ahead and does this?!"

"Why is Megumin reacting so strongly, anyways?! Say that I really did propose, would I receive this kind of reaction?! This is too much!"

"We haven't even been dating for a month, why is Kazuma talking about marriage?! Have you been brainwashed by my mother or something?! Who put you up to this!"

"That's right, it's weird for me to propose since Megumin hasn't even let me do anything couple-like yet! Didn't Megumin say something about letting me do some basic couple-like stuff if we become 'more than friends, less than lovers'?! What happened to that!"

"Oh, so Kazuma likes that idea now, huh?! I remember how Kazuma really hated that idea when I proposed… um, I mean, suggested it, then he went on to ramble about how he was a 'redpilled Alpha', or something!"

After finishing our respective tirades, we glared at each other while breathlessly panting. Her face was flushed livid and she gritted her teeth a little.

Once I was able to speak without hyperventilating, I said,

"Is what I'm saying really so unreasonable? Megumin and I are dating now, right? Is something so tame like holding hands and cuddling really forbidden?"

"...I'm not saying it's forbidden."

Oh?

That was my cue, wasn't it?

"So, I have Megumin's permission, right? You won't start casting explosion as soon as I lay a hand on you?"

"Just how badly does Kazuma think of me? I have some self-control. I won't freak out over something so simple."

"You freaked out over the ring, though."

"Ugh… Yeah, well… Thanks for the gift, by the way. It looks really cool. A dragon, huh…? Indeed, this shall fit me well…"

"I see. I made a good choice, then. Does Megumin want me to put the ring on for her?"

"No. Don't do that. Stop teasing me already. I'll do it myself."

She slipped the ring on and it fit perfectly. She held it up to the light and admired it.

"Ooh! There's a small manatite gem inside! This is really a spectacular ring!"

As Megumin was admiring the ring, I sat down again on the bed.

"I'm glad Megumin likes it. Now, come over here and sit on my lap. I'm ready to molest… I mean, cuddle, Megumin."

"See?! This is why I'm hesitant to give Kazuma permission to do anything! I give Kazuma a little bit of room and you go ahead and try all sorts of stunts!"

"I'm waiting."

"..."

She stared coldly at me for a while until she finally sighed and made her way to me.

"I'm not sitting on Kazuma's lap or anything. And remember, the only touching I will permit is cuddling and hand holding! Touching of any lewd areas is strictly forbidden!"

"Yeah, yeah. You must think I'm some kind of super-pervert. Don't worry, just trust me."

"...Well, I suppose I should give Kazuma the benefit of the doubt. After all, Kazuma is… Wait, what are you doing?!"

"Hm? What is Megumin talking about? I'm just cuddling with you."

"Yeah, but this is… Nn!"

Indeed, I was just cuddling with Megumin.

With one arm around her shoulders, I am in no way touching any lewd area, as promised.

"OK, and now… For the handholding."

I grasped one of Megumin's hands and held it in my own.

"Waaa~… Kazuma is… Stop it with the lewd movements already!"

"What is Megumin complaining about? Where exactly am I touching, hm? My arms are around your shoulder and I'm holding your hand. I'm not touching anywhere lewd. If you have any complaints, say it clearly or I won't understand."

"Kazuma isn't touching anywhere lewd but… Nn! The way Kazuma is touching me is very lewd! Please stop with the lewd movements!"

Lewd movements?

What could she be talking about?

I'm really not touching anywhere lewd.

I'm merely squeezing her hand, rubbing my fingers along her palm, caressing her soft skin, pressing tightly as I wrap my arms around her, grabbing tight onto her shoulders, and occasionally sniffing her hair.

"OK, that's it! That's quite enough! Thanks for the gift and for coming over, Kazuma! I'm also glad we had a bit of skinship! Now… Please leave!"

I was not-so-subtly kicked out of Megumin's room.

Fufu.

What an innocent maiden, getting flustered from just that.

While chuckling to myself, I headed to my room.

"..."

Wait, what am I so happy about?

I was able to get some harassment… I mean, some skinship in, but nothing happened, as usual.

Even though the progression may seem like a lot, in the end, all I could do was hold and tease Megumin a little.

"...Time to visit the succubus shop, I guess."

…

...

 **Chapter 23 END**

 **Next chapter: Granting Nobility to this Undeserving Scumbag!**


	26. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24: Granting Nobility to this Undeserving Scumbag!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreading: Marv**

 **Part 1**

One morning, we received an unusual visitor…

"G… Greetings, Satou-sama. I've been sent here to deliver urgent news…"

...A certain busty onee-san type who normally had a haughty attitude towards me.

"Oh, we have a guest today? Here, have some tea."

"Thank you… Eh? Excuse me, but this is hot water…"

Is this goddess doing this on purpose or is she incapable of learning from mistakes?

"Claire-dono, what business do you have with us? Don't tell me you're going to start another civil war…"

"P… Please don't mention that travesty again! I was only doing my job, so…! Anyways, Satou-sama, your presence is required in the capital… Please come with me."

"I see. So the time has finally come. This is why the busty white suit-san is here, right? To come grovelling to the great me who was the hero of the civil war. The king did mention something about nobility that time…"

"White suit-san… Please don't call me that."

She didn't complain about the 'busty' part and even puffed her chest.

"Wait a moment… I heard something about 'nobility' in regards to Kazuma. Surely, that is a mistake..."

"I understand your worries, Dustiness-dono. However, I am only here under orders to bring you all to the capital."

"Kazuma, Kazuma. What's this white suit onee-san talking about? This conversation is quite exciting!"

The opportunistic Aqua looked to me with sparkly eyes.

"Well, after the battle in the Crimson Demon clan village, the king was talking about restructuring the council of elders and thought about us as candidates… This also involves giving us nobility, so…"

"Kazuma, Kazuma. I don't know exactly what's going on, but consider our pursuit of a peaceful daily life before making any hasty decisions..."

"Hah?! Is this really that excitable Megumin who shows off at any opportunity?! Listen, Kazuma, even though I am the goddess of water, Aqua-sama, the guys at the guild still don't respect me! To show those guys who they're really dealing with, I have to take this offer!"

They don't respect you because they only ever see you getting drunk in the middle of the day.

"These three receiving noble titles?! What is the king thinking?! Of course, as a daughter of Dustiness, I am loyal to my liege, but… Has he gone insane?! Aqua, are you sure you performed that resurrection ritual properly?!"

"What is Darkness saying?! Of course I did! I'm not like the Darkness who hasn't made any significant contribution in a while!"

"Why you…! I usually don't bring religion into our arguments, but as expected of an Axis-cultist! Don't try to undermine my contributions! As a Crusader who fights with Eris-sama's blessing, I give my all in every battle!"

"Gahh! This brute of a noble is relying on violence! Not the face, not the face…!"

 **Part 2**

"Excuse me, sir. I'd like to purchase 5 tickets to the capital…"

At Axel's teleportation service, Claire purchased tickets for all of us.

She told us that all of our needs would be taken care of, so we packed light and left right away.

"That child called Rain would always pick us up and use her [Teleport] for travel. Why is this white suit onee-san who can't use any convenient magic the one escorting us? She's even wasting money when that Rain child could have easily..."

"I am indebted to the Arch-Priest-sama who saved my liege's life, but please don't test my patience! Rain currently has her own orders, so please forgive my 'inconvenient' self!"

We waited for a few minutes until the next trip to the capital. There were a few others who joined us in the circle.

"Uwaa! Isn't that the Kazuma-led party who accomplished a lot of feats?! W-We are big fans!"

These are some of the tourists who came from the capital to tour Axel.

One of the reasons Axel's tourism and economy had grown was due to the public interest in the party led by the great me.

"Oi, are you part of those meddlesome tourists who are always loitering outside our home?! Stop doing that! It's unpleasant!"

"Ah! That beautiful blue hair! It's the Arch-Priest, Aqua-sama, right?! Please, give me your autograph!"

"What delightful children! If it's just an autograph, why didn't you say so~! Here, since I'm in a good mood… [Nature's Beauty]!"

"A… Amazing…!"

She quickly changed her tune and even performed for the tourists.

"...Please stop moving around in the teleportation circle. We will begin the procedure now."

The four of us stiffened and stayed deathly still upon hearing the operator's words.

We had bad experiences with failed teleportation spells before.

…

…

"It's the capital again…! Well, to tell the truth, we've been here so many times already that the excitement is all gone."

"There's plenty of aspects about the capital to admire. If one is aware of the history of this place, the stories behind the architectural design, then…"

"Ah! That bar is having a mid-day sale!"

What kind of bar has a midday sale?

Are they specifically targeting alcoholics like Aqua?

"Please don't separate from the group! We need to report to the king!"

Claire chased after Aqua who ran away from Darkness's pretentious speech.

"Claire-dono is our escort but she's leaving us here… Well, it's not like we don't know our way. Shall we head to the castle?"

"Darkness is really quite diligent when it comes to noble matters, huh? Why don't we play around for a bit before we head off to such a serious meeting."

"I agree with Kazuma. Let's take this time to relax. That food stall over there looks interesting. I believe those are weedhoppers grilling over the fire. Shall we take a look?"

Megumin pulled my sleeve and led me to the stall.

"Geez… All of you need to take a summons more seriously…"

"Despite Darkness's griping, she's still following us obediently."

"That's because I'll feel left out if my friends are having fun on their own..."

"...Why is Darkness suddenly acting like Yunyun? This fake noble already has so many conflicting characteristics and now you're stealing traits from others?"

"I'm doing no such thing! What is Kazuma saying now?!"

Megumin bought three weedhopper skewers for the three of us.

"Aren't these things just grasshoppers? The smell is alright but I'm not sure about eating insects…"

"What's wrong with eating insects? I don't know what a grasshopper is, but weedhoppers were my primary source of protein during my childhood."

"Again, what the heck is a weedhopper?"

They looked like normal grasshoppers to me.

"A weedhopper is a weedhopper. They camouflage within the weeds and invasive vegetation that grow in people's backyards. The weedhoppers will lurk in those weeds and latch onto unsuspecting victims to draw blood. These things are among the most annoying pests so people take great pleasure in eating them. They don't taste particularly good, but the revenge tastes sweet."

"I wasn't interested in the first place, but that piece of trivia seals the deal. You can have my skewer, Megumin."

Smiling happily with sauce on her cheeks, Megumin took my skewer and took a big bite out of the weedhopper's head.

That would have been very cute if she had been eating anything else.

"There you all are! Why is everyone eating snacks when we are due for a meeting?! I finally got Arch-Priest-sama to come along after spending all my pocket change buying her beer… Please stop fooling around and come with me already!"

We were yelled at by Claire who dragged an intoxicated Aqua behind her.

 **Part 3**

In the castle…

Like before, the maids dressed us in formal attire.

"Kazuma always looks like a waiter when he tries to dress up. He has a natural air of servility. Fufu! Unlike me who looks beautiful no matter what I wear…!"

This bitch…!

As we had visited the castle many times before, we didn't need a guide to lead us to the hall.

We strutted around as if we owned the place.

"Satou-sama, it's a pleasure to see you again…"

Greeting me with a stiff curtsy before we entered the hall was my cute little sister, Iris.

Behind Iris, standing way too close, was her siscon brother, Prince Jatis.

"Hm? Why is Iris talking to me so distantly? Didn't Iris use to call me 'onii-chan~' and often ended her sentences with 'tee-hee~!'?"

"Since when?! That's BS, onii-sama! You're trolling hard AF right now! Ah…"

She covered her mouth after that accidental outburst.

"How's it going, Iris? It's been a while. It's me, your Megumin nee-chan."

"Again, since when did I call you that?! Geez, my father is inside expecting you, please don't make him wait…"

She lowered her head and entered inside.

"What's with her foul mood? Could it be…? Come to think of it, Iris should be at an age when she gets moody at a certain time of the month…"

"Please stop teasing the princess! And as for Satou-sama's inquiry, yes, princess Iris has achieved that important milestone as a woman. We are all very proud of her. Her development in that area has been closely documented by myself and I will continue to monitor her for any further development…"

Claire provided a report of her stalker activities even when she wasn't asked.

"Ah, welcome! I'm glad you could make it! Please take a seat…"

The king greeted us warmly as we entered.

There was high-class food laid out over the table. We took our seats and immediately dug in.

"…Be my guest."

This late invitation was offered by the king.

"Royal food is really something else! Even though Kazuma has the cooking skill and uses expensive ingredients, he can't match this kind of flavor!"

"Don't compare an amateur like me to the chefs of the royal court. And now that I have a bunch of skill points, I can upgrade my cooking skill. I'll make Aqua regret those words when she tastes my superior cooking."

"Please don't spend your skill points on useless skills, Kazuma."

You really shouldn't be the one saying that, explosion girl with the screws loose.

Across from us, Iris ate her food quietly and without much vigor.

"The white suit lady told me that Iris is steadily maturing. It won't do if the growing Iris is picky with her food. Be careful or you'll end up malnourished and doomed to stay as a loli forever like a certain someone…"

"Who is this certain someone? Care to clarify?"

This certain someone glared balefully at me.

"…"

Iris didn't respond. She stood from her chair.

"…Father, may I be excused?"

The king considered Iris for a second and said,

"Fine. You may. I'll have the maids bring the food up to Iris's room."

Iris bowed and left the hall.

We looked at each other curiously.

"Oi, Kazuma. She's obviously in a bad mood because of you."

"I don't like how I'm always the first one accused of any wrongdoing. As you all could see, I didn't do anything this time that would warrant a tsun-tsun reaction from my cute little sister."

"You said 'this time', so there were other times, huh?"

Megumin looked down at her plate with a worried frown.

Her onee-chan instincts were activating.

"Father, I will go see what's bothering Iris."

"No, you siscon bastard. Stay here."

As if he knew what twisted thoughts Jatis had in mind, the king immediately shot him down.

"Ahem. If I may say something, I do remember a curious incident that happened the last time Satou-sama visited the castle…"

Standing behind her liege, Claire casually brought up this statement that was obviously a personal attack against me.

"Your majesty, before Claire-dono speaks, please allow me to apologize beforehand for whatever this depraved man may have done."

"Again, why doesn't anyone ever give me the benefit of the doubt?"

Claire coughed to get everyone's attention back. She's enjoying this too much.

"If I remember correctly, the last time Satou-sama was here, he had a private talk with Princess Iris in his room. I respected their privacy and only listened by pressing my ear on the wall from the next room, instead of pressing my ear directly outside their door..."

Why was she looking at me as if I should thank her for doing that?

"Ah, I also listened in from that same room. It was tempting to hop onto the veranda and peek in from the windows, but as a gentlemanly prince, I didn't do that and settled for listening."

"Don't listen in the first place!"

After I yelled at the perverted prince, white suit-san continued,

"I didn't hear much of what was said but at the end I heard Princess Iris crying. She then left the room in tears. I think she might have been greatly offended by what this man said and broke the door on her way out."

"Is that true, Claire? So that's what happened to that door... I'm sorry for wrongfully putting the blame on you."

"You liar! What's up with that outright lie?! This gorilla woman version 2 is the one who kicked down the door! Don't take advantage of the fact that people blame me for everything to absolve the blame from yourself!"

"Wait, if Claire-dono is version 2… Oi, Kazuma, why don't you tell me right now who gorilla woman version 1 is, huh?!"

"Yeah! Hit that no good HikiNEET, Gorilla woman version 1! Hit him on the face! Make that ugly smug of his even uglier! …Wait, why are you hitting me, too?! Not agaaaiiin!"

 **Part 4**

Coffee was served after the entrée along with some pastries that resemble cream puffs.

They only resembled cream puffs as the cream puffs I remember didn't have the ability to hop around and try to escape as you're eating them.

"Muuu~ Muuu~ Muuuu~"

They will also make those pitiful sounds and quiver when you bring them closer to your mouth.

"I don't think I can eat these cute creatures. Megumin, you can have these."

"Is Kazuma really passing on the rare delicacy that is sugar fairy puffs? Then don't mind if I do. Nom~!"

That would have been very cute if she had been eating anything else.

And if these things are actual, living fairies, why the hell are you all happily eating them?!

"Now that everyone is satisfied, let's get back to business."

The king said with a serious expression on his face.

It didn't come across that way though since he had cream stuck on his beard.

"In regards to giving these three nobility… Please reconsider it! I heard that the king is currently restructuring the council of elders, but surely there are better candidates!"

"By the way, since Lalatina is already a noble, I'm thinking of giving the Dustiness family another district aside from Axel to govern…"

"That will be an honor upon House Dustiness. Thank you for considering us."

Darkness immediately lost all her resistance.

"Furthermore, Kazuma-chan, about that investigation on the council I mentioned before…"

He's still calling me Kazuma-chan for some reason.

"Rain and my other court wizards have been thoroughly investigating the matter. What this group of mages discovered in their research will SHOCK and SURPRISE you…"

"Why is your majesty talking like he writes clickbait advertisements for a living? And about that matter with the investigation, I could care less. So, as a noble, I can live as indulgently as I want and can even escape the influence of the law like that fat ass landlord Alderp did, right? I'm excited!"

"...Kazuma-chan shouldn't make such despicable declarations before I've even given him the title. I'm also cracking down on nobles who abuse their authority. Now that I don't have to lead the troops in the battlefields, I have complete dominion over the politics of this land…"

"Then what the hell is the point of this noble title?! Why should I accept it?! What other incentives is your majesty going to offer me that I don't already have? Is your majesty going to offer me money? Hah! No thank youuu~! I already have so much money that I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night from all the pressure! This council position is not worth it! You're just trying to dump your work on me!"

"How dare you! Doesn't Satou-sama realize how tremendous of an honor it is to be selected for the council?! Even more than the heirs, if anything should happen to the king, the council is the stop-gap measure from the whole country collapsing! Consider what you're saying and please accept the offer!"

"As for incentives… Kazuma-chan mentioned this last time and got excited, so… If you accept the offer, I will assign you Claire and Lucie as stewards."

"Please reconsider and don't accept the offer!"

White suit-san went from passionately convincing me to accept the offer, to going on her knees and begging for me to reject it.

Oh?

My hidden desire of bossing around those two strong willed women who caused me a lot of trouble recently is actually being fulfilled?

"Where do I sign? As for my noble title, I don't mind the pretty ladies calling me 'Lord' but as for the men, I don't care what they call me. In fact, it's kind of creepy if they call me 'Lord', so that won't be necessary."

"Me too! I'm very interested! So, just making sure, if people don't call me 'Aqua-sama' or 'Lady Aqua', I get to behead them, right?"

"Instead of 'Lady Megumin', I'd like to be called [Great Demon King, Goddess of Destruction Megumin!]'. The exclamation marks must be included in every legal document."

"Ehehe… This is a momentous day for the Dustiness clan…"

"Wait, your majesty! I now understand what Dustiness-dono was saying before she succumbed to the temptation! This is clearly a bad idea!"

"Now, now. Nobility doesn't really give you that much power, so I don't think they can do anything too crazy. I mean, I'm a prince and I can't just do whatever I want with Iris-chan and get away with it. Haha."

"With all due respect, Prince Jatis, please shut up!"

We ignored the cries of white suit-san and eagerly signed the documents.

"Good! I can rest easy now that the heroes of the land have joined the council. Now, about to what I was saying about the investigation before… Um, are you listening?"

The king seemed to be saying something a bit important but we were all too busy celebrating our promotion to nobility.

 **Part 5**

Until the day of the official ceremony for when we would be given nobility, we were asked to stay in the capital.

We didn't have any objections with that.

"Ahhh…! This is great! Even though we already have a bunch of luxuries at home, the life of a royal is something else! Maid-san, please pour me more wine."

Aqua didn't hesitate to abuse all the privileges available to her as a guest of the king himself.

"M… Milord. Here is the pea snacks you wanted to eat with your wine. Is there anything else I may fetch for you?"

Saying these subservient lines was my new slave… I mean, steward, Claire.

"Thank you, Claire. You're doing well as my steward so far. By the way, where is the other one?"

"…If milord is talking about Lucie when he mentioned 'the other one', she is on her way back from being interrogated by Rain and the other mages."

Since Lucie had a big involvement in the civil war and was even assigned by the council to assassinate certain targets, up until now she was being interrogated.

"Kazuma, I hope you don't go too far with your treatment with Claire-dono. If Kazuma needs an outlet for all his pent up aggression… My door is always open!"

"Please don't say such things when the lover of the man you are seducing is right beside you, Darkness."

Megumin said as she stared at Darkness blankly.

"I'm… I'm not seducing him! If Megumin is so jealous, then she can take on the role of being subjected to Kazuma's sadistic whims instead!"

"Oi! Who's a sadist?! If anyone here has sadistic whims it's that girl over there acting innocently even though she's a blueballing succubus in disguise!"

"It really seems like you two want to fight right now! That's what it seems like to me!"

"Oh, is it time to wrestle with the others already? Let me join in!"

Aqua joined our fierce stand-off as if fighting was a fun group activity we normally engaged in.

…

…

"That was a good chokehold Megumin got on me. It hurt a lot and managed to disable me until I could use [Shocking Grasp] on her."

"Thank you for those kind words. Kazuma was losing to a girl in physical ability and decided to rely on unfair methods to win. As expected of the one known as Scum-zuma."

"Ara… Megumin is too kind."

After our group brawl, Megumin and I decided to go on a date.

It was a chance to switch it up from our usual 'dating' routine of going on explosion picnics.

Even though we called it a 'date', aside from the inclusion of having a picnic afterwards, it was the same old explosion routine.

"I'm glad that we're having a date, but Darkness and Aqua seemed like they wanted to tag along. Spending time with my lover is satisfying on its own, but I also don't want to neglect our friends."

"Ah… Well, since we are in the capital I thought that we shouldn't waste our chance! We'll make it up to the other two later… Haha…"

This time I didn't bring the support group that always followed our dates from a distance.

If I didn't take the initiative to advance this relationship, it would surely stagnate like what happened in the past.

"Kazuma is being surprisingly romantic? How unexpected… But these surprises are what makes being with Kazuma so fun."

Megumin smiled wryly as she gave me a sideways glance.

It was only the start of the date, but there was already a good mood going on.

If I cultivated this good mood, by the end of the date maybe something will…?!

"Hm… Does Kazuma remember going to that clothes store back in Axel? I believe it was shortly after our encounter with the Devil King."

"Yeah, I remember. I got this enchanted robe and the [Boots of Speed] from that shop."

"And I got Kazuma that necklace he's wearing right now, remember?"

Ah, that's right.

I got used to wearing this necklace when I went out that sometimes its presence slipped from my mind.

"When I think about that time… I only invited Kazuma because I was really bored in that hotel while we waited for our mansion's repairs. Oh, and I also needed some new mage robes."

"I think Megumin also felt like she could finally splurge a little. We did accomplish an unthinkable feat, after all."

"That's true. You know, Kazuma, when I think about it, wasn't that little shopping trip of ours considered a date?"

Megumin got closer to me as she said those teasing words.

"It didn't really feel like it at the time…"

"For me… It felt like a date."

"E-Eh?"

Still looking at me wryly, her eyes started to sparkle.

"I said it before, right? I was already pretty interested in Kazuma back then. Midway through that shopping trip, when we went to that restaurant, I started thinking 'wait, isn't this a date?!' And then I started panicking and wolfed down the food to hide my embarrassment."

"No, with the food… I'm pretty sure that's what Megumin usually does anyways."

What's with this mood?

It felt exciting yet peaceful.

"Ah… This talk is making me feel a bit nostalgic. So… Kazuma… Would you like to…?"

Would I like to…?!

"Would Kazuma like to go on another shopping trip with me?"

 **Part 6**

"Oho! As expected of the capital! Not only are these mage robes made with [Mystic Spider] web silk, there is even some [Magma Serpent] leather woven in?!"

"Yes, ojou-chan! To discern those materials from one look… As expected of the hero ojou-chan who famously wields explosion magic! For this celebrity who has graced my store, I will willingly give this ojou-chan a 10% discount!"

"Did you hear that, Kazuma?! A discount! We have to buy this now!"

Don't fall for this typical sales talk.

As I watched Megumin get talked into buying more and more products, I surveyed the merchandise myself.

With my surplus of skill points, most of them still unspent as I haven't decided what to spend them on, I felt that my current gear was a bit redundant.

For example, what was the point of having the [Boots of Speed] if I could just spend skill points on an advanced mobility technique?

And not to mention the enchanted robes I was wearing that reduced the chances of receiving a critical hit.

"Ah… Esteemed customer… I see that you are also interested in our goods? While my husband helps your pretty lady friend, I would be more than happy to assist you…"

That salesman's husband had a wife who was equally silver-tongued.

"This is the [Cloak of Evasiveness] which increases one's agility and odds to not get hit by any attack… Physical or magical. It is similar to the [Auto-dodge] skill that those of the Thief class use…"

"I'll just learn [Auto-dodge], then."

"This is the [Belt of Carrying], which increases one's ability to carry or lift loads like travel packs or even the armor one is wearing. It is similar to the [Increased Carrying] passive ability that those of the Crusader class use…"

"I'll just learn [Increased Carrying], then."

"T… This is an item that an individual of your stature won't be able to resist! The [Gloves of Absorption]! Normally only undead types like Liches and Vampires can use the infamous [Drain Touch] skill, but this item can replicate 10% of that's skill capabilities and…!"

"Ah… Well, I already have the [Drain Touch] skill."

"…"

I practiced some courtesy and continued to look around the store, feigning interest.

When I saw a particular item, however…

"…! Shop… Shopkeeper-san! How much for this item?!"

"Hm? The [Cape of Charming]? Well, since that doesn't really have any combat purposes, only pick-up artists are interested in this item. It's worth about 20,000 Eris."

"So cheap! For such an amazing item it's so cheap!"

"'Amazing item'… Um, could it be the esteemed customer is interested in an item like this?"

Oi, why is this old lady giving me a weird look?

An item which increases one's charm, especially to those of the opposite sex.

I… I didn't have anything weird in mind like trying to flirt with random girls with this item when I already had Megumin.

But, it's because I had the cautious Megumin as a lover who never lets the relationship progress that I needed such an item!

"If the esteemed customer is interested in these sort of items, there is also the [Boots of Smooth-talking] which increases one's ability to convince others to do things they wouldn't necessarily want to do by means of cunning speech..."

"The way the shopkeeper-san described this item… They aren't evil or anything, are they? Like, they wouldn't force someone to do things against their will?"

I wanted an advantage when it came to flirting with Megumin, but something like mind control is…

"I may have been too harsh. The effects aren't so effective that I'd consider it a complete brainwashing. These items will merely assist the user. In fact, I must admit that I may have automatically slipped into dramatic language since I am currently wearing those same [Boots of Smooth-talking] right now…"

When I looked at their feet, both the wife and husband were wearing these boots.

So that was why my date, who was normally a cheapskate, was now currently buying out almost all the magic related clothes in this shop.

"Thank you for your purchase! Please come again!"

Megumin and I went out carrying bags filled with our purchases.

"Hm… Those new boots Kazuma bought… They look like normal adventurer boots compared to his previous [Boots of Speed]."

That's because these [Boots of Speed] were made by a Japanese reincarnate who thought introducing N*ke sneakers from the other world into this one would be funny.

"With a long cape that will flutter in the wind and these normal looking adventurer boots, I will finally look like a real hero…"

"That imagery does indeed sound cool!"

I haven't even worn these items yet and Megumin already looks quite charmed?!

No, this was probably due to her chuuni.

…

…

Like the last shopping trip, Megumin and I had dinner at a restaurant before going home.

"Ah, that was fun wasn't it, Megumin? Say, Megumin wanted to see what I would look like wearing my new gear, right? Maybe Megumin wants to come to my room…?!"

"That's sounds fun Kazuma but… Uwaa, I had so much fun with Kazuma during the day that I'm feeling quite sleepy. We'll have even more fun tomorrow, alright, Kazuma? Goodnight…"

"…"

I realize now that it's not the anniversary of our first date.

It's the anniversary of our first blueballing.

 **Part 7**

"Kazuma, how was the date with Megumin? It surprised me when you said that you didn't need the support group around. So, how did it go?!"

"Wait, Aqua, can't you tell that Kazuma has an awful face right now? Clearly something went wrong! Stop being inconsiderate and leave him alone already!"

My support group fussed over the details of my relationship like they always did.

Find a man already, you two.

In an attempt to be considerate, they let me be for the night.

As I was alone in my room, I heard a knock.

"Um… Milord. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted you to know that Lucie has arrived from the interrogation. Rain has determined that she's innocent and was only following her orders. Now that she's released, Lucie would like to apologize for what happened that time."

After knocking and waiting a few seconds to make sure I was decent, Claire came in and announced this to me.

"White suit-san, I am currently in a certain precarious state. If someone like you with the kind of body I like comes in acting so subservient while I am in this state, something dangerous might happen that we'll both regret. If you value your chastity, don't come any closer."

"Milord, please forgive me for my course language, but I don't know what the hell you're on about now. I'm coming in with Lucie."

I couldn't use direct language when describing the state I was in, and Claire didn't understand the severity of the situation at all.

If these two beautiful women who were ordered to obey all my commands came in here and called me 'milord, milord' over and over again in a meek way, the inner beast that desires to conquer residing within all men would surely come out.

I want to stay faithful, so don't come in while I'm in this sort of blueballed state right now.

"Milord, I'm here with Lucie. Please forgive her state of undress. She came straight from the interrogation so her clothes are loosened and are ripped in a sort of erotic way…"

What kind of 'interrogation' did you guys put her through?

"If it's like that then Lucie-san should just go home and rest before we do this. This kind of thing can wait until tomorrow."

At least wait until I take care of my 'son' before you pull this night-raid situation on me.

In fact, I had been in the middle of doing just that before these two barged in on me.

"Lucie wants to apologize as soon as possible. If she has to spend another night having to deal with the guilt, she said that she'd resort to using an honorable suicide technique she learned about from one of milord's countrymen…"

What are those guys teaching the inhabitants of this world?!

And as expected of a trained assassin, this girl was quite extreme…

"In that case, let her in…"

"Thank you my lord… Lucie, you may come in now."

Claire let in the king's personal assassin, Lucie.

A small girl who had short, green hair. If you didn't know she was a trained killer she looked a normal, cute girl.

I guess she's doable.

"Milord… Thank you for seeing me."

I wasn't used to seeing this girl talk a lot. It was a surprise to hear her talking right away.

"Like Claire-sama said, if I had to wait another night, I would have been overwhelmed by the guilt and would have resorted to an honorable suicide by myself. Now that milord has agreed to see me…"

Lucie took out a knife and planted it by my feet.

"…Please do the honors, milord."

"Um, could it be that this one is actually completely insane?"

Taking out a knife and saying 'please do the honors', how was I supposed to react?

"I… I'm sorry, milord! I didn't expect her to do that! Lucie, please put the knife away!"

"Even though I was just following orders, I should have known that there was something wrong with the council. Only a mindless fool would eagerly follow every order assigned to them."

"I'm also in the same boat, so please stop saying that! It hurts!"

Claire yelled in turmoil as Lucie unintentionally insulted her.

"Even if that's the case, nothing happened in the end. Enough of this already. Seriously, you're creeping me out."

"If I don't do anything to atone for this, I won't be able to live with myself. Please punish me properly, milord."

Don't tell me that another Darkness-type character appeared?

But she wasn't blushing or panting like Darkness usually was when saying a line like that.

If it was Darkness it would sound more like: 'If… If I don't do anything to atone for this… Huff, Huff… I won't be able to live with myself. P… Pweash pwunish me pwoperly, milord! Kuh…!'

Or something like that.

"It seems like milord has no intention of punishing me. Well, then…"

"Gah…! Don't do it! Life is precious, so don't do it! Milord, I beg of you, please stop this girl!"

"…!"

If I don't come up with something, this crazy girl will actually do it!

"V… Very well! You want a punishment?! Then I'll give you one! But be prepared! I won't go easy on you two! Even if you say a line like: 'I can't take this disgrace anymore, I'd rather die!', I won't stop, got it?! For troubling me in the middle of the night while I was dealing with a personal crisis, I'll let you two have a punishment that's worse than death!"

"Wait, why am I included, too?! I don't feel especially guilty… Well, I guess I do, but… Eh?! What's with that perverse gleam in milord's eyes?! Please… No… Noooo!"

 **Part 8**

…The next morning.

"It's only been a few days and Kazuma-chan has already caused a controversy."

"…" x 3.

The three of us avoided the glare of the king.

On each side of me, Claire and Lucie were still wearing the outfits I had them wear last night.

The maid-sans we stole the outfits from were standing beside the king, also glaring at us.

"Considering Kazuma-chan's character, I guess I should have foreseen something like this happening. But, if you had kept this… 'Punishment play'... inside the castle walls, I'm sure the public wouldn't have caught wind of this incident. What I want to know is why the three of you thought it was a good idea to go out to the streets?"

"At one point we got thirsty and drank some alcohol upon milord's insistence. And it wasn't a 'Punishment play', your majesty… It was an honorable, um… Ugh…"

Claire stopped making excuses when she realized how stupid she sounded making them.

"So you got drunk and then decided to take your 'activities' out in the streets."

"I realize that having a future noble and his stewards going outside while drunk and wearing those kinds of outfits is a bit controversial, but… I don't think it was so bad, your majesty!"

"Maybe because you were all drunk that you didn't remember… But, well, maybe I should just show you. Some journalists captured these images with magic cameras last night…"

"…!"

The images taken from that night were indescribable.

I had mostly forgotten, but they came back to me upon seeing the pictures.

In particular, there was one unexpected person who was particularly wild…

Claire and I both looked at Lucie.

"I guess I don't deal well with alcohol. Sorry, it was my first time…"

Don't say that line while looking at me and blushing.

"It's too late to cover all this up. People are already rallying for me to rescind Kazuma-chan's nobility… However, there's still time before the ceremony. We'll try to amend the situation. But for now, you're all free to go."

"There's no punishment for us, your majesty?"

"Something tells me that you'd rather enjoy whatever punishment I give you, Claire."

"I… I'm not… Ughhh... Wahhhh~! Wahhhh~!"

Claire couldn't take being put in the same boat as Darkness and started crying.

"For this disgrace, there's no choice but for me to…"

"Lucie, I have a feeling it's your overzealousness that lead to this mess in the first place, so drop the knife already."

"Yes, your majesty."

She immediately complied.

Maybe I should have went to the king for help in the first place.

Come to think of it, I'm sure there was a better way to handle all that without letting my desires run free.

This is why you don't tempt a man past a point he's willing to put up with, Megumin!

"Now, as for Kazuma-chan, your party members are waiting to talk with you."

"…"

Here comes the worst part of this whole incident.

"Kazuuuumaaaa…! I'm going to [God Blow] the crap out of you!"

From behind me I heard Aqua cracking her knuckles.

"Kazuma… How could you… To have a night of S&M debauchery like that complete with exhibition play, dog and master play, and even ****** and **** and ******** without me is…! I-I mean, you should be ashamed of yourself! I'm disappointed in you!"

You sound more jealous than disappointed, though.

And finally…

"Kazuma… You committed adultery right after that date, huh?"

"Whose fault does Megumin think it is?! Setting up that romantic atmosphere and saying those sweet, tempting words only for the evening to end with you going to bed early?! Not even a kiss or hug or any bittersweet, youthful moments for me?! What did Megumin expect was going to happen?! You're lucky I didn't sneak into your room with [Lurk] and spend the evening staring at your sleeping face!"

"Creepy! And how could Kazuma say that when he's in so much trouble right now! You're really in for it, mister!"

What was I doing running my mouth when I was in so much shit?

In the face of these three who were out for my blood…

I might as well commit an honorable suicide.

 **Chapter 24 END**

 **Next Chapter: An Escort Mission for this PMSing Princess!**


	27. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25: An Escort Mission for this PMSing Princess!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreading: Marv**

 **Part 1**

The incident I was involved in with Claire and Lucie was the talk of the town for the next few days.

I was reminded of that time Darkness and I were involved in an 'exhibitionism' scandal.

Already, the people were discrediting me for this most recent controversy.

"This development isn't anything new. Kazuma does something incredibly inappropriate and receives public backlash. I may forgive easily, but that's not the case with the public. That said, please don't think you can get away with actual adultery, Kazuma. Even if you're the man I love, I won't be lenient if that happens."

Megumin had this to say as I scowled at the contents of the morning paper.

We were having breakfast served by the maids. As always, the food made by top chefs was of excellent quality.

"I'm glad Megumin forgives me, but let's not forget why I was pushed to such a desperate situation in the first place. If Megumin keeps leading me on only to leave me high and dry, a healthy man such as myself with a strong, functioning sex drive will of course be forced to seek the company of other women. I hate this part of myself but this is the reality of being a man."

"If that's really the case, then all men are scum. Obviously, that can't be true. There are many upright and righteous men in the world. It's only Kazuma who is a scum."

"Does Megumin love me or not?! Sometimes I have a hard time seeing it!"

I yelled in frustration at the Megumin whose tsun tendencies were getting out of hand.

"I had a hard time believing that something was really going on between Megumin and Kazuma. After all, all they do is bicker and fight. I've never seen them act as lovers. Listen, you two. Rather than going on with this charade, it's best to admit that you made a mistake. If you two break things off cleanly now, you can go back to how you were before."

"Unfortunately I can't do that, Aqua. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I love this worthless guy too much. I guess it runs in the family."

"I understand insulting me, but leave the father who worked hard to raise Megumin out of this."

I rebuked Megumin as she didn't even hesitate to label her own father as 'worthless'.

"It's a sign that those two are getting along if they are fighting, Aqua. It sounds dysfunctional, but it's true. That same sentiment applies to our party as a whole. In order to keep getting along, let's continue to abuse each other, everyone."

"Darkness almost sounded reasonable until the end there."

At this time, a maid-san came over. She bowed and said,

"Everyone, please be reminded that you have an appointment with the king. You are scheduled to meet him soon…"

"Oh, really? In that case, hurry up with our second serving before we're forced to meet with the old man."

"R-Right…"

The clueless Aqua couldn't sense that the maid-san was politely telling us to hurry up and get going.

 **Part 2**

We stood before the king in his throne room.

We often met with him in a banquet hall and sometimes the strategy room.

Facing him now as he wore his royal attire, and as he sat on a majestic throne, he looked a little bit intimidating.

"Kazuma-chan and everyone~! How was your meal~! My chefs are really good, riiight~?"

He just had to open his mouth and break the image.

I wondered where exactly this troublesome personality of his came from.

I heard that the king was the playful type back when Lady Belzerg was still alive, but this was a bit too much.

"Your majesty. As always, it's an honor to be in your presence. How should we, your chosen counsel, be of assistance?"

Darkness went on one knee and spoke these lines belonging to an ass kisser.

"I didn't think I'd need your services so soon, but something unexpected came up. First of all, does everyone know of the country of Elroad?"

The country of Elroad…

A rich country known for its finances.

If the country of Belzerg was renowned for its military might and legendary adventurers, Elroad was famed for its economy.

Kazu-mall has recently branched out to Elroad. My business partner, Maxim, sought to infiltrate… I mean, integrate, into this country known for its riches.

"I know about Elroad, your majesty. Aside from their strong economy, they are known for having the world's best casinos. These casinos are a major part of Elroad's culture and industry. As such, the enforcement in these casinos is rather severe. If one accrues too much debt and couldn't find a way to pay it back in time, loan sharks will ceaselessly harass the debtors in all sorts of inventive ways. Truly, what a fascinating country…"

As expected of Darkness, she knew all sorts of disturbing trivia.

"Wait, I see what's happening here! Gah, I don't want to, old man! I don't want to go on another long, tiring trip on some troublesome adventure! I just want to enjoy an uneventful and luxurious lifestyle!"

I often faulted Aqua for failing to recognize patterns and tendencies, but she did a good job predicting what the king was going to ask of us next.

"You are all nobles of this land now, and thus you have responsibilities. If you didn't want to be of service to this land, then why did you accept my offer of nobility? Don't tell me you just wanted to abuse your power, or you thought having a noble title sounded cool?"

"Urk!" x 2.

Both Aqua and Megumin flinched.

This king seemed to enjoy teasing those two and didn't try to hide it.

"Kazuma-chan has been awfully quiet. I thought you'd also be complaining right now. Or perhaps you're already desperately thinking of a way to avoid having to do this quest for me?"

"Urk!"

This time it was my turn to flinch.

"It won't be a hard quest at all, don't worry! A party of this calibre who fought powerful enemies and even mitigated a civil war should have no problems with such an easy task! And besides, if Kazuma-chan succeeds, maybe the public would sing a different tune once word of his political achievements get out?"

"Does the king think I'm really that easily influenced? Why would I care what a bunch of nobody peasants think about me?"

"I heard that the 'Satou Kazuma fan-club' is having some problems right now. With your recent scandal, there is a divide forming between the club members. Their dedication to you is being tested…"

"…There's a 'Satou Kazuma fan-club'?"

"Too easy! Oi, Kazuma, you already have me, so why does the concept of a fan-club appeal to you so much?!"

Megumin grabbed onto my collar and started pulling.

"Megumin is right. I already have a girlfriend who could be considered a doll-like beauty if she just stands there and shuts up. Furthermore, she still has a year or so left of growth before it's hopeless to expect any further physical development. I won't give up. Besides, for all I know this fan-club could be full of guys, like those delinquents who adore me back in Axel..."

"Here is a picture of Kazuma-chan's fan-club wearing their customized 'I wuv Kazuma-kyun' shirts."

"Perhaps I should schedule a meet and greet? I haven't had any opportunities to sign any signatures, but for the sake of my fans, maybe I should start practicing?"

"I already told Kazuma that I won't forgive any kind of adultery!"

I ignored Megumin as she pulled on my collar even harder.

I couldn't help but get a bit excited as the king showed me a photo of these big-breasted beauties.

"Your majesty, back to the topic of Elroad… What does your majesty need us to do there? Ah, I know! Your majesty needs me to go undercover and investigate the seedy, underground scene of those famous casinos?! Taking on a separate identity as a woman of the night, seducing evil loan sharks who are aroused by my body but treat the rest of me like trash… I will gladly act the role of the honeypot!"

Darkness's imagination was on overdrive today.

"…It's nothing that complicated. And also, please stop assuming that the country of Elroad is as corrupt as Lalatina imagines. They are our allies after all. Please don't badmouth them so much."

The king's rebuke didn't stop Lewdtina from having a faraway gaze as she imagined all sorts of depraved scenarios.

"What I need you all to do is come to the country of Elroad for negotiations. As I mentioned, we are currently allies with Elroad. For the longest time now, our partnership with Elroad was firmly established. The rich Elroad provides us with funding and profitable trade agreements, while Belzerg lends them military might and protection from the Devil King army. As you can imagine, now that the Devil King army has been all but wiped out, and with the war over, that deal needs a few adjustments…"

The king put it lightly.

If all Belzerg could offer was military might, there was no longer any use for a partnership now that the threat of the Devil King army was no more.

The king wanted us to negotiate with Elroad, but it was clear that we weren't in any position to make any demands.

"This is obviously a delicate and complicated political situation. Why is the king sending us as envoys instead of sending Prince Jatis… I mean, Claire… The king should come himself."

Not for the first time, I wondered if this country was really going to be OK with those two having positions of power.

"I realized that the country can only function if I am here to keep a constant vigil. The last time I took a little break, a civil war almost erupted. Now that I have a new Council of Elders, I realize that I can leave things in your hands for a bit, but you are all still very inexperienced. While the mission I'm sending you off to is no small feat, it still doesn't compare to running an entire country. In that regard, I hope this mission will give you all valuable political experience… Are you with me here, Aqua-chan?"

"Wah? Sorry, I spaced out."

The king stared at Aqua blankly.

I imagine he was thinking if he really did make the right choice giving her a noble title.

Also, the king assured us earlier that this was an 'easy task' but now he's saying it's 'no small feat'.

"So, there you have it. Ah, I almost forgot. There's one other thing. Iris-chan will be coming with you."

"Hm? Iris? What, is she going on a field trip, or something?"

"Kazuma-chan does realize that Iris-chan is the princess of this country, right? She will help you with negotiations. Oh, and I figure it's about time she met her fiancé. I wonder how much that Revi-kun has grown since the last time…"

"...Eh?"

 **Part 3**

After the meeting with the king, I met with Iris after she finished her history lesson.

We were walking around the castle's garden as Iris went on her break.

Iris was enjoying the fragrance of a yellow, bulbous flower when I finally asked her about the engagement.

"Iris, is it true? Is it true that you're engaged?!"

"…Did onii-sama not know? Is it really so unusual for a princess of a nation to have an arranged marriage with another nation's royalty?"

"I suppose it's not unusual, but there was the whole thing about the 'Hero who defeats the Devil King will marry the princess'. There was even that hellish tournament where I had to fight your siscon brother."

"That's an exception, a very rare and special exception. If onii-sama had actually wanted to marry me, my engagement with Prince Revi of Elroad would have been nullified without any diplomatic consequences."

"Just like that… The customs of nobility really don't follow common sense."

"What is onii-sama so worked up about? You… You already have Megumin-san."

"Iris is still my cute little sister. If she's forced to marry some royal brat she doesn't even love, of course I'll have to do something."

"Onii-sama's mission is to develop a good relation with Prince Revi and to negotiate a new deal that will benefit both sides. Please realize that my arranged marriage is the most powerful asset we have to ensure this happens."

"Is it just me or is Iris talking kind of coldly right now? Don't tell me… You're still PMSing?"

"I'm not on my period! Geez, stop with the sexual harassment already, onii-sama!"

Iris groaned in frustration as she ran away from me, presumably heading back to the castle for her next lesson.

"Sigh… That Iris-chan is quite a handful, isn't she? We older brothers sure have it tough."

Coming out of nowhere, Prince Jatis placed an arm around me and said this.

"…"

"Ara? You suddenly went tense, Kazuma-kun. Unfortunately I can't come with you all to the trip to Elroad. Something about me being a 'political disaster waiting to happen'. Since I can't come, I will leave Iris-chan in Kazuma-kun's capable hands."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but since when did Prince Jatis and I get so close? You may be a prince and all, but please don't think you can abuse your power to get all handsy-feely with me…"

"Starting off with saying 'please don't take this the wrong way', and yet Kazuma-kun still goes ahead and says something insulting… A-Anyways, I figured that Kazuma-kun and I have lots of things in common, so why can't we be friends? H-Hey? Why did Kazuma-kun look disgusted when I only said 'we have a lot of things in common'?! Please don't run away from me…!"

I ditched this clingy prince and prepared myself for the trip.

 **Part 4**

"Whoa! For some reason, doesn't Kazuma seem really cool right now?!"

"Yes, there is an air of dignity about him… This is strange…"

"Eh? What are you two talking about? He's just as creepy looking as always."

For the trip, I wore my newly purchased gear. The [Cape of Charming] and the [Boots of Smooth-talking].

But for some reason, my new gear didn't have an effect on Aqua.

Not that I wanted it to affect her.

"Eh? What's with this awesome gear Iris is wearing? And that sword is…!"

"This is the armor and weapon handed down to descendants of the Belzerg line… Um, Megumin-san, I know you think it looks cool, but please stop staring so much…"

Megumin seemed to have been quite fascinated by Iris's gear.

To the king who was seeing us off, I said,

"Shouldn't my stewards, Claire and Lucie, come along with me?"

"After that incident, I'm going to separate you three from each other from now on. I didn't expect such an unassuming combination to cause such a disaster. That was my fault. I underestimated Kazuma-chan's abilities to corrupt others."

"I don't know about Lucie, but Claire was already plenty corrupt to begin with."

The king was seeing us off as we loaded the royal carriage with our gear.

The royal carriage was extravagant in design. It was pulled along by large white horses with silver manes.

Since the existence of this meeting between the Prince of Elroad and the Princess of Belzerg was already released as public knowledge, the king didn't bother with secrecy and went all out with the presentation.

I thought that a meeting of such importance would be kept under wraps, but that was apparently not the case.

"Since we are not using the high-speed, Lizard Runner pulled carriage, this trip might take a bit longer than a week. As I have been trained in horse riding, I will be the one to drive this carriage…"

"Eh? Darkness will be the driver? I don't have a good feeling about this. I know that she'll try to drive us into an encampment of bandits or try to trespass into the breeding grounds of monsters in heat, and other such dangerous locations!"

"What is Aqua trying to say about me?! I put my noble duties first above all! There's no way I'll involve Princess Iris in such dangerous scenarios!"

"So Darkness is saying that she'd be fine dragging us into such perils if Iris wasn't coming along..."

"T-That's not true, Kazuma."

After we loaded the carriage, Claire, who had been silently watching us behind the king, couldn't take it anymore and embraced Iris.

"Wahh! Please stay safe out there, Princess! I will pray to Eris-sama for your safety! And if that man tries to do weird things to Princess Iris, please don't hesitate to give his beloved son a trim with the family sword!"

"I appreciate Claire's concern, but don't say those crude things in front of my father. Look, he's glaring at you."

Darkness took the driver's seat, and Aqua called dibs to sit beside her.

Like a little kid, Aqua was excited to see the scenery from the driver's seat.

The rest of us sat inside the carriage. The luxurious leather sets were comfortable enough to sleep in.

I sat on a large, throne-like seat that was likely reserved for the king's use.

"Oh, this seat can recline!"

I was curious about a button and pressed it. The seat reclined back and a footrest came out from the bottom, kicking my legs out.

"As expected of Kazuma. He immediately took the best seat for himself."

Megumin said as I looked for more convenient features this seat had to offer.

"Don't worry. The three of us can share. The two of you can sit on my lap."

"Megumin-san, let's sit near the window. We can enjoy the sights this way."

"Good idea, Iris! I'm excited for this trip!"

Why are they getting so excited?

If I could help it, I wouldn't go on such a long trip in a carriage.

What a pain in the ass.

There weren't any means for teleporting from Belzerg to Elroad.

To eliminate potential smuggling operations from corrupt teleportation services, any means of teleportation between two foreign countries were either outright banned, or strictly moderated.

In terms of defence purposes, it was also a bad idea to give another nation the right to freely teleport within your own borders.

And thus, even if we were sent as envoys, we had to go through Elroad's borders using non-magical means like everyone else.

"Hiyah!"

Darkness pulled on the reigns. With a collective whiny, the horses started their steady march.

"It's starting…!"

Iris was in a bad mood ever since we arrived at the castle, but now she's excitedly peering out the window with Megumin.

After fiddling around with some of the other buttons I found on my seat, I managed to find a hidden compartment.

Within it, chilled by freezing magic, was a bottle of expensive wine.

Careful to not let Aqua see me, as she'd demand to stop the carriage and have the wine for herself, I discreetly poured myself a glass.

There was also a compartment filled with snacks to accompany the wine.

"Ah… How luxurious. Maybe this trip won't be so bad after all."

"Despite all of Kazuma's complaints, he's easy to please… Ah, look, the adoring masses are looking at us."

As we entered the streets of the capital, people recognized the royal carriage and cheered us on.

Iris and Megumin waved to the people outside the window.

I was about to do the same thing, but when I stood up, Megumin said,

"Maybe Kazuma shouldn't show his face so soon. They might riot after seeing the lusty Scum-zuma who is in the middle of a controversy right now."

"Why is Megumin making it seem like everyone hates me? The king said it himself. I am a popular man who even has busty ladies pining for him in his fan-club."

"Kazuma says that, but there are several people holding up signs that say: 'Please don't give Scum-zuma a noble title'."

"…"

I wasn't agreeing with Megumin or anything, but I sat down again and sipped on my wine.

"It's too much trouble to entertain the masses, anyways. It's a shame, but they won't be able to witness the presence of the great me..."

"Kazuma likes to point out Aqua's deficiencies all the time, but there are lots of parallels between you two at times."

"Megumin, there are certain things that I can't forgive. Don't ever say that about me ever again."

"K-Kazuma looks like he's serious. It seems that I've said something incredibly offensive. Forgive me."

Soon, we made it out of the capital's walls.

Once the crowd thinned out, Darkness had the horses go on a full-sprint.

"Oi, slow down, Darkness! You're making the carriage bump around too much! The wine is spilling!"

"I'm sorry, Kazuma! We're using the traditional royal carriage that doesn't have the convenient floating properties of the high-speed carriage, so there will be some bumps if we go at full-speed!"

"Aieee! Why do we even need to go full speed in the first place?! Kyaaa! I beg you, Darkness, please slow down! Wait a second, did Kazuma say 'wine'?"

 **Part 5**

There was a magic barrier erected around the carriage that repelled any monsters from attacking us.

However, we couldn't do anything if those monsters had already barricaded the road ahead before we arrived.

"Geez, what a pain! Does this happen every time? What do the merchants do if their caravan is blocked by dumbass monsters like this, anyways?"

"They ask the adventurers they hired to take care of the monsters. That means it's our cue to fight! Now, stop whining and prepare to fight, Aqua!"

Darkness parked the carriage and dragged Aqua down with her to face the monsters.

"Kazuma, Kazuma. It's our time to shine. I feel like there hasn't been much action lately, so we should put on a good show now that we have a chance."

"Megumin says that but this battle will be over with quickly, won't it? All we need to do is have Megumin cast explosion and blow all those idling monsters up. Then Megumin will level up and we'll try and make Megumin spend her points on something other than explosion, but Megumin will still spend her points on the explosion tree in the end. That's the usual routine, isn't it?"

"What's wrong with that?! Even if that's always what ends up happening, I have no complaints! Now, let's go! Everyone shall witness my mastery of explosion!"

Iris glanced between Megumin and I.

"If Onii-sama desires to see something different, then I will take center-stage this time!"

Iris regarded me with something other than a sulking attitude this time.

With a renewed excitement, Iris drew the expensive looking sword sheathed by her thigh and headed out of the carriage.

"I know that Princess Iris can fight from watching that tournament, but based on the skill-set I saw from her, I don't think she'd have enough firepower to…"

"[EX… TERION]!"

"…!"

As Megumin and I stepped out of the carriage, we saw Iris lift her sword over her head.

As she brought her sword down, a flash of light emerged from the swing, shooting forwards to the resting monsters blocking the road.

"...Ugooohhh!"

Those tough looking monsters were easily slain.

I heard that nobles were born with amazing powers handed down to them from their ancestors.

Those ancestors being the legendary heroes of each era who were married into the royal family to keep the line strong.

I was almost one of those appointed heroes, but I doubt that I could have contributed any useful talents or abilities to the royal gene pool.

"I did it! Did you see that, onii-sama?! I was amazing, wasn't I?!"

Seeing this chance to repair the awkwardness between Iris and I recently, I was about to spoil her as an older brother should.

"Good job, Iri…"

"[Explosion]!"

"…!"

Megumin used her speed-chanting and immediately casted an explosion to a flock of winged monsters, who were flying high above us.

"Did you see that distance and explosive power?! And how I controlled the power output so we wouldn't get harmed?! That attack of Iris's is not bad, so I will ignore how it shares a lot of similarities to my beloved explosion, even down to the 'Ex-' at the front. Now, Kazuma, please tell me what score you'll give me for that explosion!"

"Let's see, considering the distance and the… Wait, that's not the point! Oi, couldn't you see that the meek and un-willful Iris wanted to show off a little?! Couldn't Megumin share the spotlight with someone else just this time?! Don't worry about that, Iris! Next time we find a monster you will… Ah, she went back already."

Iris returned to the carriage and started sulking again.

"Um, the road is clear now, but what are we going to do about the corpses of the monsters? They are still blocking the way..."

"That's the job of the brute who is only good for her big muscles… Of course I am talking about Darkness. We will stay inside the carriage while Darkness takes care of the grunt work. It's about time you contributed."

"Hah?! What did Kazuma say?! Hey, all of you, why are you going back inside?! Are you really going to make me do all this work alone?!"

As we headed back inside the carriage, I felt my [Enemy Detection] skill go off for a second.

When I looked around with [Farsight], I couldn't detect anyone. Thinking that a frightened monster was just warily observing us from somewhere, I shrugged and went inside.

 **Part 6**

When night came, Darkness parked by the side of the road.

"There's still some light out, and there's a caravan resting point up ahead. Is Darkness sure that we should stop here?"

I said to Darkness as she stroked the horses' manes and fed them carrots.

"It is true that there is a small cave where travelling merchants rest for the night just ahead. However, as it is a well-known resting point, the chances for a bandit attack will be quite high. If Kazuma is worried about having shelter, we have this."

Darkness took out a cube-like item from her pocket.

She threw it on the ground, and to my shock, a small mansion materialized in front of me.

"With this, we won't have to worry about shelter. There is also working plumbing and an abundant food supply."

"Darkness was just talking about avoiding bandit attacks earlier, but won't this flashy mansion attract even more bandit attacks than if we camped out at the caravan resting point? Or is getting attacked by bandits a part of Darkness's plan?"

"Take that back! The mansion comes with a barrier that will alert us if any bandits try to ambush us, and it also has the property to diverting monsters like the carriage. This should be safer than the caravan resting point. If Kazuma wants to camp out in a cave so much, then please go ahead!"

Darkness huffed then stormed off into the mansion. The others had already entered.

I followed them inside. Even though this mansion was meant for travel, the interior was glamorous, fit to house the members of the royal family.

"Look, Kazuma. There's a kitchen equipped with stoves and a refrigerator. The pantry is also well-stocked with high-quality, fresh ingredients. I was thinking that I would have to hunt some game but this also works out well."

"Don't tell me that Megumin was planning to feed the Princess of this nation with whatever vermin she managed to hunt along these empty roads?"

"That sounds exciting! Very adventure-like! Megumin-san, let's go out right now and hunt for these vermin!"

Darkness took Iris to the living room before she got any weird ideas.

"That said, who's going to handle the cooking?"

Megumin said, looking a bit disappointed that she couldn't show off her hunting skills.

"I'll do it. I've been meaning to try out my upgraded cooking skill anyway. I learned a lot from watching the cooks at the castle work."

"Oh, that's right. The petty Kazuma couldn't take the hit on his pride when Aqua said that the food at the castle was infinitely better than anything Kazuma has made."

"I don't remember the 'infinitely' being added in there."

I headed to the kitchen with Megumin following. I grabbed an apron that was hanging on a hook, Megumin did as well.

"Will Megumin assist me, or does she want to witness the culinary miracle that I will soon produce?"

"I'm only curious about the [Advanced Cooking] skill Kazuma was bragging about earlier. From what I heard, any skill in the 'advanced' category demands a high amount of skill points to unlock."

"With the way Megumin is looking at me, you're surely thinking: 'This guy wasted skill points on a random skill just because he can', right? Once Megumin sees what I've learned, you will regret thinking that about me. Well, I say that, but this is my first time trying out the skill, so…"

"Wait, if we're following the trend of skills named 'advanced', isn't this [Advanced Cooking] going to be quite destructive? Oi, Kazuma, watch where you're pointing that knife or I might have to wear this eyepatch by necessity rather than a fashion statement."

I stopped twirling the knife around my fingers upon Megumin's insistence.

I went to the fridge and had a look at the high-quality ingredients stored in there.

With my new skill, I could easily discern the quality of these ingredients, along with the knowledge of how to best make use of them.

"Alright, let's do this! I'm getting pumped! First let's start with the cabbages… Ah?!"

As soon as I took out the cabbage, it flew from my hands and headed straight out of an open window.

"Is Kazuma sure he really unlocked this so-called [Advanced Cooking] skill? To take out the cabbage from the fridge without even securing it first, what a novice display."

Megumin was a bully by nature.

I almost forgot about the nonsensical nature of the vegetables in this world.

This time, when I opened the fridge, I practiced more caution.

I grabbed a cabbage and wrapped my arms around it.

"I got it. Megumin, get the chopping board and… Eh?!"

The cabbage managed to overpower me. It escaped through the open window again.

I closed the window this time.

Megumin was laughing to tears at seeing me fail after getting all pumped up.

"What's with the survival instincts and combat power of these vegetables? Isn't this too much?"

"These are ingredients that were handpicked to be eaten by royalty. Of course they will put up more of a fight than ordinary vegetables, who will only struggle for a little bit before getting captured and cooked."

"Megumin says 'ordinary', but no matter how you look at it, any vegetable that can move and avoid capture is anything but."

Megumin tilted her head in confusion at my words.

I didn't expect someone who grew up in this strange world to understand.

I took out another cabbage.

"Kazuma normally gives up so easily but he's unusually determined right now. Please save this kind of motivation for matters that count."

"Even I have my pride. I won't allow a bunch of vegetables to show me up."

I held the kitchen knife this time as I opened the fridge.

As expected, the cabbage made a beeline out of there.

"Hiyah!"

My arm lashed out, cutting the cabbage in half.

But I didn't stop there…

"Take this, and this, and this!"

"W-What?! This speed is…!"

My [Advanced Cooking] skill activated on its own.

I didn't know it had this kind of application until my reflexes took over and the skill activated.

With a blur of speed, my knife made short work of the vegetable, shredding it into pieces.

As it fell down to the ground, my other hand reached out to a bowl and caught the falling pieces.

The cabbage was immaculately cut, even if I did the chopping in mid-air.

"W-Who knew the [Advanced Cooking] skill could be used like that. As expected of Kazuma, to find unexpectedly useful effects in worthless skills…"

"Megumin, I want to try something out. Please get that sword with the weird name for me."

"I'm the one who named that sword, so please don't call it weird in my face."

Megumin fetched my sword. I instructed her to open the fridge on my command as I unsheathed Chunchunmaru.

"Megumin, do it!"

"Roger!"

As soon as Megumin opened the door wide, all the cabbages came flying out.

"Advanced Cooking Skill, Certain Kill Technique #1: Dicing Cut!"

"Kyaa~! Impressive, Kazuma! You look so cool right now!"

The rest of the cabbages were cut into perfect bite-sized pieces.

I sheathed my partner.

"Good for you, Kazuma! So cool! But, what are you going to do with all the cabbage that fell on the ground?"

I kitchen floor was now filled with shredded cabbage pieces.

 **Part 7**

With the cooking skill, I was able to make a high-class meal in short time.

Megumin helped me set the table and lay the dishes out.

"These dishes are exactly like the meals served in the castle! Impressive, Kazuma! I thought that we'd have to make do with dishes like tuna mayo rice since we are camping out, but this is amazing!"

Aqua praised me in between mouthfuls of food.

"This mild vinaigrette works well with the natural acidity of the cabbage, while the crunchy carrots and turnip are perfect complements. These creamy mashed yams with diced red onions inside also go well with the butter basted devil cow sirloin steak… Kazuma has perfectly imitated the top-class chefs!"

Darkness was eating her food with more manners than Aqua, but she also couldn't resist talking even as she chewed her food.

"Food is food. As long as it fills your stomach, I don't care what it is. But this is indeed very good, Kazuma."

This was the same girl who was planning to catch vermin earlier, so I wasn't surprised by those words.

I turned to Iris to see her reaction. She was quietly eating her food.

"How do you like the food, Iris?"

"It's very good, onii-sama. Like the others said, it is exactly like the food at the castle. Um, please don't take offense to this, but I was expecting to eat something more adventure-like. I'm used to eating this kind of food every day, so…"

"What is this princess saying?! This spoiled princess is used to eating delicacies every day like cream puff fairy, but saying that high-class food like this gets tiring is impossible, isn't it?! I can eat this kind of food every day and not get tired of it!"

To Aqua who was incredulous at Iris's words, Iris lowered her head and said,

"It's not that! Um, it's just that I always wanted to rough it out in the wilds, hunt and catch my own game… At the very least, I'd like to try some of the foods that onii-sama talked about in his stories about his country. Didn't Aqua-san say something about tuna mayo rice? I'm very curious about that!"

"No. I refuse. There's no way the princess of this country can eat something like tuna mayo rice. Now that I am a noble and a part of the council, I have to be more responsible towards Iris."

"To be honest, before all this noble business… I liked the onii-sama from back then, much more than I do now..."

I didn't expect Iris to show me such a sad smile.

Aqua didn't read the mood as usual.

"If the princess doesn't like her food, then I will finish the rest for you! Ouch!"

"Oi, don't steal food from children."

I gave Aqua a chop on the head as she tried to take Iris's plate.

"Princess Iris, I understand that you're curious about the lifestyle of adventurers, but Kazuma is right. It would be incredibly inappropriate to have someone of Princess Iris's stature to eat the food of the commoners."

"If it's 'high-class food' that Darkness and Kazuma want, I know this excellent recipe for lobsters. I can even catch these lobsters myself..."

"Is that true, Megumin-san?!"

"If it's lobsters, then it should be fine.

These 'lobsters' Megumin was referring to were probably some other form of sea cretin, and considering the background she came from...

"There will be none of that! Anyways, I need to practice my cooking skill, so I will take care of the kitchen duties from now on!"

"I approve, Kazuma! Take care of all the chores and everything else, too! As a goddess and now, a noble of this land, I should be living in luxury and comfort every day! For tomorrow's meal, I'd like to make a request…"

"Aqua, wash the dishes. You will also be in charge of cleaning the cabbages littered all over the kitchen floor."

"Eh?! Didn't Kazuma hear what I said?! I'm a goddess! You can't…!"

Just as Aqua was whining, a shudder went through my spine.

The feeling was slight, but my [Enemy Detection] was definitely warning me.

The others sensed my tensed mood and warily looked around.

Since the barrier's alarm didn't activate, this could be...

In a whisper, I said,

"I'll go check on it. The rest of you prepare your gear."

They nodded as I grabbed chunchunmaru, which I had left in the kitchen.

I crept my way to the entrance of the mansion. Casting [Lurk] on myself, I opened the door slightly.

I activated [Farsight] for night vision, but I couldn't see anything.

But, my [Enemy Detection] was still active, and it was intensifying as I drew closer outside.

Taking the risk, I opened the door and stepped out, staying close to the shadows.

"[Bind]"

Before I could react, someone emerged from the shadows and threw a rope at me.

I was familiar with the skill, but I couldn't dodge in time.

"Guh!"

I fell to the ground, with the rope binding my torso and legs.

With my mouth still free, I yelled to the others in warning…!

"We got intruders! Hurry up and beat these guys up!"

I had no right to say this, but I'll make those sneaky bastards pay for using such underhanded tactics against me!

"Kazuma! Don't worry! Upon the name of house Dustiness, I shall…!"

"[Bind]"

"You fiends! Upon the name of the goddess Aqua, which is me, by the way, I shall…!"

"[Bind]"

"I'll blow you bastards up…!"

"[Bind]"

We were easily captured.

 **Part 8**

"Kuh! Filthy bandits! I see the way you're looking at us beautiful maidens! You may have your way with me, but leave my friends out of this! I mean, I'd prefer it if they watched me get ravaged, so don't completely leave them out, but don't touch them, either!"

"…For the last time, we have no intention of doing that. Please stop harassing us already, Lady Dustiness."

The bandits themselves were telling their captive to stop harassing them.

Once we were captured, the bandits brought us to the living room.

They used [Bind] on Iris as well, who couldn't arm herself in time.

There were a group of seven in front of us.

The leader was a thief type, and the one who captured us.

The rest were a mix of warrior and thief types and there was one woman who was dressed like a mage.

"Wait a minute… That tattoo… I recognize it…"

Iris said, as she looked at the bandit leader.

The bandits were all wearing face masks, but the tattoo branded on the bandit leaders shoulder was recognized by Iris.

"…I didn't expect Princess Iris to be aware of my cell's existence."

Iris blushed.

"W-Well, I sometimes snuck into my father's room and read classified files because I was curious. A-Anyways, you're no ordinary bandit. You're a part of the army's stealth corps, aren't you?"

"Excellent observation, princess. I am no longer a part of the stealth corps, though."

"…I've heard that those of the Belzerg army who were laid off after the defeat of the devil king resorted to mercenary work, and that some resorted to banditry… So you're one of those scum, huh?"

"Would you rather we do mercenary work to feed our families, Lady Dustiness? Doing assassination work for nobles who don't want to do the dirty work themselves? And don't give us that crap about doing adventuring work, either, or an 'honest' job. Due to our high-level, we are restricted from taking on normal adventurer work, but there's no way we can do an A-rank or S-rank mission without meeting our demise. As for an 'honest' job, what other skills do we have outside of fighting? And we can't feed our families with salary from odd jobs and the standard labor work. Not that there are even any of those jobs available with the economy suffering..."

Their problems were much like those my fellow Japanese reincarnates had.

My solution to that was to pay them by power-levelling for me, but the difference between the Japanese heroes and these soldiers was that the Japanese with cheat-items and powers could take down those A-rank and S-rank targets if they worked together.

These guys couldn't take on any of those targets, even if they grouped up, making them unqualified for such work.

And they were also restricted from doing any lower difficulty quests because of their high level. Even normal adventuring work was unavailable to them.

From the start, all they had was their career as soldiers.

What they said about the economy was also true. With the combat-focused country of Belzerg suffering from having its main source of income taken away, the war with the devil king, there was no work available for the soldiers who suddenly found themselves unemployed.

I could offer them a job at Kazu-mall, but with the way Kazu-mall was structured, those with established business skills were the ones who prospered. I could only offer these soldiers part-time, minimum wage grunt work.

All things considered, the only profitable work available to them was banditry.

"What did you all expect to accomplish by capturing the princess? Do you simply want to rob us?"

Darkness finally stopped getting off on the situation and went to serious noble mode.

"That solution would only be a temporary fix. We plan to use her as a bargaining chip for our negotiation talks with the king. We can also use the rest of you. Lady Dustiness, Satou Kazuma and his party, who are not only the heroes of this land, but you have all attained noble titles as well…"

As the bandit leader said, all of us would make excellent bargaining chips.

"That's pretty impressive of you, to come up with such a plan. I can't find it in myself to hate you. What did you say your name was?"

"My name is Alistair. I'm glad to hear that this unpleasant situation hasn't lowered Satou-sama's opinion of me. Truth be told… I'm a big fan of Satou-sama and started modelling my fighting style after you..."

"Ah, so that's what it was. No wonder your gang captured us so easily! After all this nasty business is over with, I'll treat you to a drink, my kouhai."

"Why are you socializing with the enemy, Kazuma?! And the rest of you, why are you all so calm about this!"

Darkness yelled to Aqua and Megumin, who were silently listening and not responding at all.

"I mean… If we're only going to be used as bargaining chips, we will be brought back to the capital and receive a comfortable reception for the horrible situation we went through, right? That means we don't have to go on this troublesome mission to Elroad. The way I see it, these guys are giving us a free ride home. Get on with it, bandits!"

"The way these guys called me a valuable bargaining chip that could decide the fate of the entire nation sounded very cool, so I will be quiet and see how things progress from here on."

"You two are unbelievable!"

Darkness yelled as she struggled in her bindings. But, the more she squirmed, the more she seemed to be getting off.

You're the unbelievable one here.

Now that I think about it, if Aqua really wanted to, she could cast [Break Spell] on the ropes and release herself.

I have been stealthily using [Drain Touch] on the ropes to drain the mana out, but Aqua could easily free herself if she wanted.

This bastard goddess really does want to be taken back to the capital…!

I doubted that I could take on a troop of experienced soldiers by myself, but, if I could free Iris, then maybe…

"…Let go of me this instant!"

Iris suddenly said this.

"I understand Princess Iris's worries, but, we promise that no harm will come to you…"

Iris shook her head as the bandit leader attempted to calm her, thinking that Iris was having a panicked outburst.

"Such self-centered tactics… Do you really think that would work? And even if this 'negotiation' benefits the soldiers, what about the rest of the country, the citizens you once swore to protect? Don't you realize that we are on a diplomatic mission to Elroad right now? If we, the strongest that Belzerg can offer, are captured by mere thugs, what kind of message would that send to Elroad? Negotiations will fail before we can even start!"

If a country that only excels in combat fails even in battle, that will send a negative message.

"Elroad has shown themselves to be unreliable allies. They will turn on us just after we defeated the Devil King army and his forces? Throwing us away once our usefulness is gone? We won't take such treatment anymore!"

The bandit leader yelled with clear pain in his voice. His comrades lowered their head, no doubt remembering how they were fired by the country they once served once it no longer had use for them.

"My father is working hard to fix the country's problems! It's not like he plans to abandon any of you! Right now, there's no work available to soldiers in peacetime, but please be patient…!"

"Wait for what, for another war to begin? At this rate, we can't afford to feed our families if…!"

"You talk about your families, but don't you realize that my father will simply take them hostage if he finds out what you've done?! Did you guys really not think this through?! You're retarded AF! You low IQ skrubs! Go commit not feeling so good!"

"…"

The bandits couldn't respond.

Iris went red and bowed her head.

"I'm sorry for my outburst…"

"N-Not at all…"

Eventually, my ropes dropped after I succeeded with draining the mana out of them.

The bandits eyed me warily as I drew out the dagger I always hid in my hidden pocket.

"Oi, Aqua. Use [Break Spell] already or I will cut off your allowance for life."

"[Sacred Break Spell]!"

In her hurry to comply with my orders, Aqua used the most powerful version of the spell, freeing everyone from their captivity as a result.

"So you could have done that from the start, huh?"

"Ouch!"

I hit this unreliable goddess on the head with the pommel of my dagger.

Seeing us all freed, and still reeling from Iris's argument from earlier, the bandits finally lowered their weapons.

 **Part 9**

We had decided to let the bandits go.

It was a risk sending them out there, but they shouldn't be able to cause any problems for other travellers now that we identified them.

"We must succeed with our talks with Elroad…"

Iris said resolutely as she watched the former soldiers who fought to defend this country leave.

After that exhausting event, we went to bed early.

The mansion had enough rooms for everyone.

Even though I was exhausted, I was still a Japanese until the very end. I took a bath before heading to bed.

As I was lying in bed, waiting for my eyes to get heavy…

"Kazuma, are you awake?"

My door opened and red eyes peeked through.

"I'm not interested in this fake-succubus's blueballing services. Please leave me alone for tonight, Megumin."

"Kazuma is the one who keeps asking to do couple-like activities! I came here to cuddle and sleep with Kazuma, so why turn me away?!"

"Does Megumin really think I'm that interested in cuddling?! I only meant for that to be a stepping stone for lewder activities! Do you really think things like hugging and hand-holding and cuddling would appease my appetite?!"

"Oi! The idiot couple who can't stop bickering even at night! Quiet down over there!"

"S-Sorry…" x 2.

Even though it was only Aqua, we couldn't help but apologize since we were at fault.

Megumin opened the door and came in. She was hugging a pillow to her chest.

"So… Can I come in, or not?"

"Fine…"

She shuffled her feet as she made her way onto my bed. I made space for her and she snuck in.

She laid her head on the pillow she brought and met my eyes.

"Hehe… Kazuma complains about this not being enough for him, but I can feel your blood pumping."

She said as she held my hands.

"I can't help it. Even this torturous blueballing is enough to get a guy like me excited."

"Kazuma is quite cute, you know that? Hey, for tonight… Maybe we…"

All of a sudden, we felt a tremor shake the ground.

It was slow at first, but the tremors quickly picked up in speed and frequency.

"W-What is that, Kazuma? An earthquake?!"

It was inadvisable to go near the windows during an earthquake, so I used farsight to safely look through them.

With my enhanced vision, I found the source of the disturbance outside.

"Nnnnghhhhguhhhh~!"

"Ghunnnghhhkkk~!"

Two mandrakes-like monsters were copulating outside.

"Mnnnguhhhh~!"

"Guhkkkhoooon~!"

This mandrake couple was really going at it.

I understand that they were a different species, but something about their lovemaking sounds seemed a bit disturbing to me.

Soon, we felt another tremor, then another.

"Kazuma, look! There's more of them!"

More and more mandrakes were gathering outside of our mansion. They all proceeded to mate.

"K-Kazuma, what do we do?! *Gulp* I can't look away…"

"Why is Megumin interested in the sexual tendencies of monsters but doesn't seem to have any interest when it comes time to do it with me?"

"This and that are two different things! Eeep! One of them looked at me!"

That said, I also couldn't take my eyes away.

As we observed the mandrakes with much interest, peering through our peephole window, the door opened.

"Oi! Kazuma, Megumin, I'm glad that you're finally giving each other your first times, but isn't this a bit much?! The walls are shaking, you know?! And what's with those awful noises you're making?! We're trying to sleep here!"

Aqua stepped inside the room in her sleepwear. She had a bottle of wine in her hands.

Don't even pretend that you were trying to sleep when you're carrying that bottle.

The others piled in behind Aqua. Then they saw what was happening outside.

"Ngooohhhnnghhkk~!"

"Ghhhkkooonnnhhgggnn~!"

"…" x 5.

We all turned our eyes to Darkness.

"W-Why are you all looking at me like that? This is a coincidence, I swear! It's not like I knew that the mandrake breeding ground is around this area, and intentionally avoided going to the caravan resting point for this purpose!"

This oversexed noble practically admitted her own crimes.

"This… This is… Oh, wow… What a fascinating sight… *Gulp*…"

Iris joined Megumin by the window to watch the mandrakes go at it.

"Mnnnghoowooo~!"

"Niyooogoooooo~!"

"…*Gulp*…" x 5.

We all took a moment to watch the scene before us.

 **Chapter 25 End**

 **Next Chapter: Negotiating with this Fanboy Prince!**


	28. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26: Negotiating with this Fanboy Prince!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreading: Marv**

 **Part 1**

The next day, I woke up tired and lacking in sleep.

We went to sleep at a late hour after watching the spectacle of Mandrake breeding.

Megumin had went back to her own room after everyone left, probably feeling too awkward to stay after being caught in my room by the others. .

After I finally dragged myself out of bed, I went downstairs to the kitchen to practice my Advanced Cooking skill.

Surprisingly, no one was up yet. This was a weird case as I'd usually be the last one to wake up.

Even the diligent Iris who had a strict schedule to follow back home wasn't already up and about.

"Hm… I guess I'm the most responsible one here. Geez…"

I said that to myself as I opened the fridge and took out a carton of eggs.

Only for one of the eggs to immediately crack when I opened the carton, the yolk inside bursting out and flying through the air.

"Skriyaahhh!"

It let out a haunting battle cry.

"What the hell?!"

To my knowledge, it was only the vegetables in this world that exhibited such feats as moving on their own, as if they had their own intelligence and innate instincts.

Why the hell was an egg yolk flying around like this?!

The yolk was levitating in the air as the thick and transparent albumen around it took on a long serpent-like form.

And then it lashed out its albumen tail at me like a whip…!

"Whoa!"

I barely dodged the quick attack.

The attack made a large crack on the tiled flooring. This was no ordinary egg yolk!

"Hm? Onii-sama? What's going on? Sorry, I seem to have slept in. I haven't had a good rest like that in a while… Ah, how refreshing."

Iris came into the kitchen yawning and stretching.

"...Eh?"

She saw the yolk hovering in the air, coiling itself to launch another attack at me.

"Onii-sama! Quick! Grab a pot and lid!"

Iris cried as she assessed the situation.

Iris was far from worldly and knowledgeable about the conventions of the masses, but she was still an inhabitant of this world.

Thinking that she knew what she was doing, I grabbed a lidded pot that was sitting on top of the stove.

"What do I do now, Iris?!"

"Open the lid and hold the pot in front of you like a shield!"

I did as I was told.

With my vision obscured as I held the pot in front of me, I didn't see the yolk attack but I felt it slam within the pot.

"Gahh!"

The impact was strong. The momentum caused the pot to hit me on the face.

I dropped the pot and the yolk within it.

"Ah, geez! Don't drop it, onii-sama!"

Iris chastised me as she recovered the fallen pot. She grabbed the lid and sealed it tight.

She picked up the pot and placed it back on the stove. She turned the element on to high-heat.

From within the pot, the yolk was struggling in its prison, but Iris held the lid tight.

I heard sizzling from within as the element turned an incandescent blue and red.

"Um… What the hell was that?"

"Geez, doesn't onii-sama know? The eggs of some powerful monsters will react like this. The spirits of the embryos within the eggs, if they have a strong enough life force and magic power, will develop into phantoms that can lash out in vengeance to the humans who have terminated its young life before it could even hatch out of the egg. These rare eggs will take the form of the egg yolk youkai that onii-sama encountered just now…"

"Stupid! This world is stupid! Why is everything in this world out to kill you?! Even the eggs that haven't been born yet have such destructive power?!"

"This… This doesn't always happen! Only the eggs of powerful monsters who would have legendary potential have the life force and innate magic power to do this! These eggs were cultivated from a legendary Magma Serpent that was slain only a few weeks ago. Normally the eggs of such a high-levelled monster are a delicacy of the highest rarity, but I heard that lately some famous adventurers have been proactive in slaying these monsters and selling their meat and other materials, such as their eggs…"

These famous adventurers were probably the Japanese I hired to take on the famous dungeons.

It seems like they were selling everything they could harvest from the monsters, which includes the eggs.

I remembered how Wiz, when we were dungeon crawling, took the time to skin the slain monsters and even harvested their organs.

The struggle is real.

I took off the pot lid and peered at the egg sizzling within.

"So, what do we do now, Iris?"

"Well, I only know what to do up to this point. Onii-sama is the one with the cooking skill…"

I took out some kitchen utensils and set out to work.

…

…

This was no ordinary egg. It took longer than usual for it to cook.

It was almost as if the remnants of the unborn baby monster's fighting spirit was resisting its own demise.

...Thinking about it more, isn't this really cruel?

Still, the end result made me forget these worries.

"Whooaaa!"

"It's… It's just an ordinary omelette, but what's with this radiance? Uwaa… I can't stop salivating…"

Iris wiped her lips while drool leaked out.

"Now that I think about it, isn't this fridge stocked with high-class ingredients? Even the devil cow sirloin steak from last night is really rare and expensive, you know?"

"This is the pantry of the royal family, onii-sama. Please don't underestimate us!"

Iris puffed out her chest in pride.

I split the omelette in half with a knife.

"...Iris takes one half and your onii-chan gets the other."

"Eh? What about the others, onii-sama?"

Iris looked at me doubtfully as I whispered to her in low tones,

"Iris said it herself. The phenomenon of egg yolk youkai manifestation is very rare. Even if we have a whole carton of Magma Serpent eggs, who knows when we'll get a treat like this again? Look at the portions. Since it was only about one egg's worth, this omelette is very thin! We did all the work capturing and cooking this thing. Does Iris really believe the others who haven't even gotten out of bed yet deserve a share of this?!"

Iris looked at me with dead eyes.

"...Maybe all those things Claire said about onii-sama were right after all."

I was curious about what that white suit bitch could have said about me to my cute little sister, but I ignored that matter for now.

"Well, Iris can do whatever she wants with her share. Iris can share with the others if she wants. But as for me… Thank you for the meal~!"

"By the way, I forgot to mention that ingesting large amounts of egg yolk youkai can lead to certain ailments. Even if it's cooked, the curse of the embryo's ghost still lingers, after all…"

"Ah, maybe we should share it after all~! And if there's a curse or something, wouldn't having Aqua purify the food be better rather than eating it right away? Ah, I think I hear someone coming in! Breakfast is served, everyone~!"

"Onii-sama…"

 **Part 2**

During the rest of the trip, we settled into a predictable routine of travelling during the day and setting up camp when it got too dark to see the road.

We were travelling on the road but since we used a large mobile mansion as our means of shelter, we had to be more conscious of cleaning and maintenance than we would if we were just setting up camp with tents.

At first, Iris would quietly watch us do our chores, but on one occasion, she innocently asked if she could join in.

In response, Darkness said,

"There's no way I can allow Princess Iris to do chores! Please read a book or something while we take care of the menial work!"

"Lalatina is mean! I hate you!"

Even while she was throwing a fit, this child who was raised to be an obedient little princess still followed Darkness's orders as she grabbed a book from a shelf, and retreated to her room.

"Kuh! I can't decide whether I liked that treatment or not!"

Darkness said as she showed a conflicted expression.

Aqua let out an exaggeratedly long sigh as she leaned against the broom she was using to clean the floors. She said,

"Why are we even doing these chores? We're nobles of this country now, of the same level as Lalatina ojou-chan. Why must we be in charge of troublesome cleaning duties like this? Shouldn't this mobile mansion have come with maids and butlers? The mansion was originally a small cube that somehow expands to its current size. I'm sure the maid-san and butler-san can easily fit inside this item. Their bodies will shrink along with the mansion, after all. We won't even need to give up space in the carriage for the extra bodies. While they're inside the cube, we can carry them around during the day. We can even summon a butler-san or two if we need them to do something. How convenient."

"I know that Aqua has these power fantasies as she's a self-proclaimed goddess and all, but playing P*k*mon with real people is going too far."

I said to this rotten goddess who looked like she was seriously considering the idea.

"What's a P*k*mon…? Anyways, n… not that I care about such things, but please be mindful that the Dustiness family, along with the Symphonia family, are still the left and right hand of the royal family! Newly formed nobles who don't even have proper familia can't compare! And don't call me 'Lalatina ojou-chan'!"

Darkness said she didn't care about such things, but the way she picked that part out of all the terrible things Aqua said shows she actually cared a whole bunch.

"I'm done polishing the floors. I can start on lunch now if that's what Lalatina-sama wants."

"Don't call me Lalatina-sama either!"

Megumin stood up from her crawling position. She was polishing the areas Aqua had swept up.

She proudly held up the two cloths she was using to polish as if they were trophies.

I forgot that this one grew up having to do all sorts of things around the household, and took pride in doing such troublesome chores.

The enthusiastic Megumin made a productive combo with Aqua, who was talented only in useless things like cleaning and other domestic chores. They made the mansion floors sparkle with their combined talents.

As for me, I was lazily cleaning the windows using Create Water and soap.

"Oi, Darkness, take over for me. I'll supervise Megumin in the kitchen."

I threw my cloth on Darkness's face.

I headed to the kitchen when I heard that Megumin was planning to make lunch.

"Thank you very much! I mean… Pffft! Ew! D-Don't throw that dirty rag on my face! And what do you mean 'supervise'?! Kazuma is just ditching his duties while he goes and flirts with Megumin, is that not true?!"

"Wrong. Oi, that Megumin who uses weird and cheap ingredients is heading to the kitchen right now. If I don't watch over her, maybe she'll make stew out of some rats she caught scurrying around."

"There's no rats here in this mobile mansion befitting the royal family! But I do see Kazuma's point. We can't have Princess Iris eating something weird. Although I am curious about that 'tuna mayo rice' that Aqua mentioned the other night…"

"No, that dish is also something weird. Not that I expect the sheltered Lalatina-chan to know about these things."

"Somehow Kazuma calling me 'Lalatina-chan' is the worst out of all the embarrassing pet names! Just go already! I'll clean the windows for you!"

Darkness grabbed the bucket of soap water from me and repeatedly kicked me on the shins.

"Ow! OK, I'm going, I'm going!"

I headed to the kitchen as Darkness stomped away in an angry fit.

Megumin was wearing an apron and sprinkling some salt into a pot when I arrived.

"Ah, Kazuma. Did you come to help me cook?"

I smiled and went directly behind her and pressed close, my chest making contact with her upper back.

"Kazuma…"

I reached my arms around and…

"What the hell is this?!"

...grabbed the pot that Megumin was attending to.

I carried it away from the stove and dumped the contents into the sink.

"Ehh?! Just when it was starting to boil! Kazuma, what are you doing?!"

"I don't even want to know what that creature in the pot was! Move out of the way, and I'll make something normal!"

"But Iris said she wanted to try something other than gourmet cuisine! I'm showing her what the real adventurer life is like!"

"I wouldn't have any problems if it was the me from before, but I have responsibilities now to this land! Didn't the recent events make Megumin realize that?!"

I took another pot and dumped some pre-diced veggies inside.

"In a lot of ways, Kazuma has changed and I don't think it's for the better! Maybe someday you'll go back to your roots…"

Megumin mumbled sulkily as she removed her apron and went away from the kitchen.

…

…

"Ehhh?! Onii-sama took over the cooking duties again?! But, Megumin-san, you promised that you'd show me the types of food an adventurer eats while they're on the road..."

Iris complained about not eating something that Megumin literally found lying somewhere on the road.

"I already said this before, but I'll be in charge of kitchen duties from now on! Understand?! I don't even want anybody else entering the kitchen! Women don't belong in the kitchen! Now, eat the sandwich I made for you!"

"Hah?! Saying that a women shouldn't be in the kitchen is…! Wait, I have a feeling that I'm not exactly being insulted here, but at the same time I am?"

Megumin said, in between stuffing her face with the fried griffin sandwich I prepared.

"You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm also getting somewhat tired of this kind of food. There are times when it's best to have some familiar comfort food. I know, I'll make some tuna mayo rice!"

Before the others could get excited over Aqua's suggestion, I crossed my arms into an 'X'.

"No, no, no! Why are you complaining when you have the highest quality ingredients here prepared by someone with the Advanced Cooking skill?! Now, eat up already!"

After I berated everyone, they went back to eating their food.

Iris lowered her head in a sulking manner and pouted as she stirred her tentacle squash soup.

"Hey, Onii-sama, can I fight the monsters again today?"

"No, we will take care of the monsters from now on."

"...Can I at least explore the surroundings with Megumin-san?"

"There are no surroundings to be seen here. Beyond here is just dangerous wildlife. Iris should stay here inside where she's safe."

"..."

Iris heaved a sigh and sank down into her seat.

"...Iris said so herself that we have to make sure that negotiations go well."

"I know, but this is the rare occasion when I can…. Nevermind. I'm not very hungry."

Iris stood from her seat and left the dining table.

"..." x 2.

Aqua and Megumin were looking at me with disapproving eyes.

"What? Was any of what I said wrong in any way?"

Megumin shook her head and sighed.

"No, it's not wrong, but this is very unlike Kazuma. The Kazuma from before wouldn't worry about the small details and let his little sister have some fun."

"The me from before didn't need to shoulder the weight of an entire nation on his shoulders! That's the difference! Even before we defeated the Devil King, it didn't matter if I stayed in all day under the kotatsu. It wouldn't change things at all and I'm sure some other cheat user could take care of the Devil King somehow. But now things are different! Our actions have consequences!"

Roused up by my speech, Darkness suddenly stood from her seat. She looked at me with eyes of admiration.

"K… Kazuma! You've changed so much! I'm so proud of you!"

"That's right… Our actions have consequences. I see that now. For example, if I get into another scandal, the busty beauties from the Satou Kazuma fan club will be very disappointed in me…"

"Despicable! I take back what I said! Somehow Kazuma is even scummier than before!"

I recalled the picture of the Satou Kazuma fan club that the king showed me.

In particular, I remembered one particular beauty among the members.

She had a great body and had a dignified air about her. From her clothes, it seemed like she was a priest of some sort.

I looked at Aqua, whose face was covered in dried soup and bread crust.

In comparison to that priest in the photograph...

"For a beautiful priest like that… No, for all those lovely ladies, I must try my best!"

"Kazuma! What did I say about adultery?! How can you talk about busty beauties and fan clubs when your girlfriend is right here?!"

"Who said anything about adultery? Is it considered cheating if I merely admire the female form, if I take notice of how a woman might be considered attractive by the universal aesthetic standards? If I walk past the street while I'm walking with Megumin and see an attractive woman walking past and I turn my head and note 'Ah, she's pretty', is that considered adultery?! If so, then every man in a relationship should be considered an adulterer, am I wrong?!"

"...It won't be considered adultery, but I might cry if you do that."

"Ahaha! I was just joking! Can't Megumin tell that it's just a joke? Geez! Oi, don't look at me like that… Seriously, it's making me feel really bad! Joking aside, I really am taking my duties seriously, and that's why I can't have Iris doing things that are unbefitting of a princess while she's under my watch, OK?!"

"Wonderful! I really like this new development, Kazuma!"

Darkness seemed overjoyed and was wiping tears from her eyes as she looked on at me proudly.

"..." x 2.

But for some reason, Aqua and Megumin didn't seem as impressed.

 **Part 3**

During the next several days, Iris obeyed me and stayed within the mobile mansion.

Aside from some shenanigans from Aqua, who got more and more restless as the journey went on, the rest of that time went by uneventfully.

Then, before I knew it…

We finally approached the borders of the city of Elroad.

The guards did some standard security checks but we didn't come across any problems.

The carriage bore the clan crest of the Belzerg family, and Darkness showed her own family's insignia.

With those two things, we were treated well by the guards.

"If the security guys were going to go easy on us in the first place, why didn't we just use the Teleport spell to get here?"

Aqua complained as the tough looking security guards bowed to us in deferrence.

"The king already explained this. There's no means to teleport in and out of the two countries for security reasons. If they give us access even once, our country's mages could potentially find a way to gain unrestricted access to their territory by examining their teleportation methods…"

Megumin explained to Aqua, who started complaining more and more during the last stages of the trip.

"Why is Aqua even complaining? We lived in a luxury mobile mansion this past week. It's not like we had to rough it out in the wilds."

"We only spent about half of the day inside that mobile mansion! The rest of the time we had to spend the day inside a carriage. And because Kazuma wouldn't let our little battle princess take care of the monsters, we had to personally come out and deal with the monsters that blocked the path! It's horrible! No matter what you try to say to me, it was a horrible week!"

"Well, there's no use complaining now. We've already arrived at our destination, haven't we? Aqua can relax for the next few days, so stop complaining already!"

As if completely forgetting about her distress, Aqua excitedly looked out of the side window.

"Wow! Look at those buildings! So tall!"

The city of Elroad had a sizable economic advantage over Belzerg.

As such, their industry and infrastructure were way ahead of what we were used to seeing.

The tall buildings and modern design reminded me of the cities back in my old world.

Walking along the streets, the normal civilians who would be considered commoners back in Belzerg wore expensive clothing and carried themselves in a dignified manner.

Instead of having a considerable gap between the rich and the poor, like in Belzerg's medieval-like caste system, there existed a middle and upper-middle class in Elroad.

There was a popular saying in this country: 'There are no poor people in Elroad, only bad gamblers'.

If you saw a homeless person in the streets of Elroad, that was probably someone who got too greedy and lost all their riches in this country's famous casinos.

In Elroad, as long as you had some smarts and a bit of luck, anyone could strike it rich, or at least live out the rest of their lives comfortably.

Instead of being reincarnated in the war-like Belzerg, where the only ways to get rich was being born into nobility or becoming a successful adventurer or soldier, I wonder if it would have been better if I was sent here in this financially prosperous country.

Nonetheless, even though the people of Elroad were used to a luxurious lifestyle, they were still attracted to the majestic sight of the royal carriage.

Always hungry for attention, Aqua opened the windows and waved to the crowd.

"Helloooo people of Belzerg! Your lovely goddess Aqua-sama is here to bless all of you! Are there any followers of the great Aqua-sama in this crowd? If so, rain down your praises upon me! Don't be shy, for Aqua-sama is kind to all!"

Encouraged by Aqua's showy antics, Megumin couldn't help but greet the crowd as well.

"Fufu. Citizens of Elroad! Hear my call! I am Megumin! Number one mage of Belzerg, the land of fabled heroes! My calling is that of an Arch-Wizard, one who walks the crimson path of roma… I-I mean, explosion! Remember my name, for your bards and minstrels will soon sing of my undying legend!"

...This girl has obviously been waiting for the perfect moment to say that revised speech of hers.

Well, she fumbled the lines for a bit there.

In response to their speech…

"N-No way! I heard the rumors, but those heroes are actually coming to our country to visit?!"

"Thank you, heroes of Belzerg! You saved us all!"

"...Well, not like we needed saving. We weren't being directly attacked by the Devil King forces, were we?"

"...Considering the amount of financial support we gave to Belzerg, didn't it take way too long for that country full of powerful adventurers to finally take down the Devil King? Could it be that they were just stalling, so they could keep leeching money from us…?"

Among the cheers from the crowd, there were an equal amount of critics.

Nonetheless, Aqua and Megumin were enjoying the spotlight, posing to the crowd as they applauded them.

They both looked at me as if they were expecting me to join in.

Well, then.

I'm not one to resist showing off if I have the chance!

When I stuck my head out of the side window, the crowd collectively gasped.

"H-Hey, isn't that Satou Kazuma?"

"Uwaa… The famous pervert? I heard that he seduces noble ladies and makes them do all sorts of wild play in public…"

"I heard that he's actively trying to form a harem even though he already has a lover…"

"That cape of his seems pretty cool, but the person wearing it is still a bit…"

Meanwhile, the crowd's opinion of me didn't seem divided at all.

They all seem to hate me.

And even though I was wearing the Cape of Charming, the effects didn't seem to work in the way I expected it to.

What's the point if they think the cape is cool, but that the guy wearing it is the worst person in the world?

I want a refund!

"W-What are you all doing?! Stop instigating the crowd and let's hurry to the hotel!"

Darkness said from the driver's seat, as she flicked on the reigns and made the horses gallop faster to our destination.

For the duration of our stay, we were invited to stay at the most luxurious hotel in the city.

Since we arrived a day earlier than expected, as Aqua's whining urged Darkness to drive faster, we weren't expected to meet with the prince until the next day.

As that was the case, we decided to explore the capital city of Elroad and spend the night in the hotel before we had to meet with the prince.

We had only planned to drop off our stuff in our hotel rooms and to change out of our travel clothes, but Iris told us that she wanted to stay in her hotel room and rest.

"Onii-sama and the others can explore the city. I'm quite tired from the travel and I want to make a good impression on the prince tomorrow, so I will get a good night's sleep. Thank you for making sure I arrived here safely."

Iris gave us that polite speech and stiffly bowed before heading to her room.

Megumin seemed like she wanted to say something to Iris before she left, but Iris was quick to get away from us.

"Well then, since we got permission from our charge, we should do as she says and explore the city."

Darkness used Iris's command as an excuse to play around in the capital city of the richest country in the world.

"What an indulgent ojou-chan."

"You know, I've been hearing that same joke over and over for a week now. I'm at the point where if I hear the same tired joke again, I might just hit someone."

"S-Sorry, Darkness-san! I know, let's check out this city's bars! I'll treat the ojou-sa… I mean, the totally cool and powerful crusader, Darkness, to a drink!"

 **Part 4**

Once we were done changing into street clothes, we headed out to explore the city.

"That said, do you guys have any idea where we should go?"

"Did Megumin not hear here me? Let's head to the bar! A fancy city like this must have excellent drinking establishments!"

"It's the middle of the day. Why would we go to the bar, you raging alcoholic?!"

Aqua started pouting as I shot down her idea.

"I wanted to try out the cuisine here and compare it to the Belzerg style of cooking, but since we've already had lunch earlier, in the carriage, I'm already quite full..."

Darkness said, as she rubbed her stomach.

I was about to make a joke about how the 'heavy set' Darkness could keep eating no matter what, but I remembered her threat to Aqua and decided not to push my luck.

"Well, it feels like it's been a while since the four of us got together and just hung out, so for now why don't we just look around the city together?"

We couldn't help but smile lightheartedly at Megumin's suggestion…

"Oh, that's right! We're all supposed to be friends, aren't we? We bicker so much all the time that sometimes I forget! OK, let's hang out together, my friends!"

...only for Aqua to put a damper on the lighthearted atmosphere with her careless words.

Walking along the street, as we had caused a commotion previously, there were people gawking and pointing at us.

With so many eyes on us, it was tough to enjoy a leisurely walk. At least, that was the case for Darkness and I.

Aqua and Megumin relished the attention and walked with their heads held high as the crowd parted for us everywhere we went.

"Hey, hey, doesn't it seem like those guys over there are checking us out? Those three guys over there wearing rich people clothing, I mean."

Ever the articulate one, Aqua made some careless descriptions about three young men who were ogling the girls.

From the way there were looking, it seemed like they were attracted to the girls beside me.

I almost forget sometimes that if these three were just standing there and didn't say anything, they would be considered 'out of your league' type beauties by outsiders.

And this country of Elroad was filled with those outsiders who didn't know about their problematic nature.

"Hey, hey, if those three gentlemen were to try and pick us up, do you think Kazuma would get jealous, Megumin?"

"Hm… I wonder..."

Megumin's eyes shone mischievously as she gauged my reaction.

That mischievous look turned to shock as I merely shrugged off Aqua's provocations.

"Hah? What can those fellows over there do to lure Megumin away from me? Based on their looks, couldn't you say that I'm slightly better looking than them? And considering that they look like nobility who were spoiled by their sheltered upbringing, couldn't you say that my personality is slightly less nasty compared to theirs?"

"So Kazuma is saying that he's only a slightly better version of those guys, huh? I don't know if I should praise you for your self-awareness or make fun of you for admitting all that…"

"Aqua of all people has no right to talk about self-awareness."

"Oi! What are you implying?! I'm plenty self-aware! For example, I'm aware that I'm a beautiful goddess loved by all!"

Hearing Aqua's loud proclamation, the three nobles looked to each other.

All this while, instead of making their move, they had been quietly observing us.

Curious about what they were talking about, I used the Lip Reading skill.

"...It seems like the rumors are true! Even though those female adventurers are beautiful and are the famous heroes who took part in many legendary battles, there's something a bit off about each one of them, especially the blue haired one!"

"Not only that, I heard that their leader is just as bad, if not worse! Hey, isn't that same leader-san looking at us rather intently right now? You don't think that he's…?"

"F-Forget it! Although it's tempting to try and pick them up since they are very pretty and are famous adventurers, I have a feeling that those ladies are not worth it! Besides, even if we proceed as we usually do with our targets, I'm sure any one of those girls could beat us up… Especially that tall onee-san with those huge, manly muscles..."

After muttering among themselves, they turned around and walked away.

"Hm? Oh, they left. Maybe they weren't planning to pick us up, after all."

Aqua sighed even though her intuition was actually right.

"Hm… Perhaps they were intimidated by our natural beauty?"

"D-Don't say that, Megumin… Oh, my, how embarrassing…"

Darkness, the one who was just described as having 'huge, manly muscles', blushed in a maiden-like manner as she took Megumin's conceited words to heart.

"...Pffft!"

"Hah?! Oi, Kazuma, what's so funny?! ...Wait, weren't you looking at those guys pretty intently not that long ago? Don't tell me Kazuma used the Lip Reading skill and saw those guys insulting us or something?! Is that why you're laughing so hard?! Oi, you bastards, get back here!"

"Eiiiee?!" x 3.

As I said previously, Aqua's intuition is accurate only when it comes to trivial matters like this.

We had to reign her in before she could cause an international incident by clobbering some random nobles.

 **Part 5**

We got tired of each other and split up.

Darkness suggested that we do our own thing after we started bickering in the middle of the street and caused a scene.

Aqua wanted to check out the bars, Darkness wanted to talk to the city guards and knights on patrol, while Megumin wanted to check out the city's Mage Guild.

I was interested in none of those things and only wanted to leisurely sight-see.

What was the point of exploring a new country if you were going to restrict yourself to the same things you'd usually do back home, anyways?

For example, how many bars will that alcoholic goddess visit before she realizes that they are all pretty much the same?

I wandered the streets alone and took in the sights.

Looking at these tall buildings that resembled skyscrapers, I felt a pang of nostalgia.

I had lived in a rather rural area, but there were occasions when I had visited the famous cities of Japan.

There were times when my parents would take the young me to go sightseeing.

There were also those school field trips.

Which reminds me...

On the last school trip I went to in middle school, I more or less spent it trailing behind the group I was assigned to.

Thinking about my dark past...

"...Maybe I shouldn't have seperated from them. I look like a loser walking alone like this. I'm not Yunyun, damnit!"

I couldn't help but randomly yell this in the middle of the street.

"Uwaa… The rumors were true. How scary…"

"Don't look him in the eyes! You'll get pregnant!"

A group of sophisticated looking, young noble ladies were blushing and gossiping among themselves.

"Eeeek! He's looking at me! I'll… I'll get pregnant!"

"Kyaaa!"

They ran away from me as soon as I made eye contact with them.

"..."

How the hell did these troublesome rumors spread all the way to this foreign country, anyway?

Just when I had the urge to correct them, something caught my eye.

"It's my turn! Draw! I play Pot of Indulgence from my hand and draw two cards! Then I set a monster face down and end my turn!"

"...My turn! Draw! I sacrifice Neroid Warrior and Giant Toad Gardna to tribute summon my faithful companion! Come! Beldia the Headless Knight!"

"Ugh! A level 8 monster already?!"

In a corner shop that seemed like it sold games and hobby items, there was quite a crowd gathering around two people playing a familiar looking card game.

This card game, there can be no doubt.

I was already feeling nostalgic before, but seeing this sight made me feel homesick.

For this game to exist here in this world, a meddling Japanese probably did something unnecessary again.

I wanted to come in and take a closer look, but it seemed like some of the people in the crowd recognized me and started getting wary.

I considered just going back to the hotel at this point since I was in a sour mood, but I couldn't just walk away from this nostalgic game.

After all, back in Japan, I was quite famous in that certain game's community for making a notorious deck that is forbidden to play in any competitive event.

Maybe, if that Japanese who introduced this game here in this fantasy world went through the trouble of replicating the original cards…

I pulled out the Vanir-style mask that I keep with me in case I ever needed a quick disguise.

After I went to a nearby store and bought some dark clothes to wear over mine, I walked into the game store while wearing my imperfect, but functional, disguise.

Since there were already people in the crowd wearing some weird cosplay, I didn't stick out even as I was wearing my thieving outfit.

I watched more of the game. The other player couldn't manage to bring down the TCG version of the headless knight we took down some time ago, and eventually lost.

While the monster design and names were changed to conform with real life monsters in this world, the rules were pretty much the same.

Save for the design and names, this card game was an exact rip-off of that certain popular TCG back in Japan.

As the crowd cheered after the match's conclusion, I looked at the merchandise.

There were structure packs and booster packs in display, and some of the rarer cards were individually displayed under a glass casing.

Since I didn't know which cards in here were the equivalent of the cards I used back in Japan to make that notorious deck…

"Eh?! You're buying all of these?!"

I bought one of each of the structure decks and booster packs.

As the cashier took my money and gathered all my cards into a box, a very attractive lady with light brown hair approached me. She said,

"Excuse me, sir, but might you be a beginner?"

She was wearing a face mask that covered her mouth. She seemed to be cosplaying a female shinobi. Her ensemble reminded me of big boss's thieving outfit, somewhat.

"Hm… Well, I guess you could say this is my first time playing this version of the game…"

"This version…? Sorry, what do you mean by that?"

"Oh, nothing. There was a different version of this game back in my country, that's all."

"I see. Well, as a veteran, I feel that I should warn you. I've seen a lot of rich kids blow their money on structure decks and packs, but those things don't have any worthwhile cards. If you have the money, I suggest that you use it for these rare cards on display."

She gestured to the cards behind the glass casing.

As she was talking, I had already started opening the packs.

"Oh, I already got one."

I placed a card onto one pile that would become my deck and sorted the other ones I didn't need onto another pile.

"Eh?! Even though this is just an ordinary booster pack… How are you drawing so many rare cards?! But you're not even using those rare cards?!"

The lady started freaking out as I threw away some cards with a shiny finish onto my trash pile.

"Listen, lady. This game is not all about rarity or attack power or having powerful monsters. Some of the low level monsters that seem like they're worthless at first glance will work well in tandem if you can execute the right combination plays..."

"Yeah, I understand that, but aren't you just choosing a bunch of weak monsters?! And stop throwing away those rare cards, you're killing me here!"

It turns out this lady was called the Rare Hunter around here.

She's addicted to collecting rare cards and was known to spend her paychecks buying the cards behind the display case.

I took pity on her and gave her the pile of rare cards that I didn't want.

"R-Really? You're giving me all this…? Um… Could it be that you want something from me as recompense? L-Like my body, or something like that? I'm not that easy you know… Wait, isn't this the limited edition Golden Dragon that only has ten copies printed in the whole world?! This isn't even supposed to be in that booster pack, how did you…?! Eh?! You're saying I can have this?! U-Um, I have a roommate, so we'll have to be quiet if we're using my place… Or, maybe I can move into your place…?"

"..."

I wasn't trying to seduce her, yet this lady seemed like she was already planning her future together with me.

 **Part 6**

My deck was finally complete.

"Um… Mask-san, are you sure you really want to enter the competition on your very first day? And with that trash, I mean, very questionable deck?"

Rare Hunter-san had this to say as I paid the small fee to enter the tournament.

She had gotten to calling me 'Mask-san', so I entered the tournament with the pseudonym of 'Mask'.

It wasn't very creative but I didn't know what else to call myself, and I wasn't going to be a recurring participant anyway.

"Rare Hunter-san will just have to wait and see. I'll show you that you can't beat the Japanese at their own game."

Saying those cocky words, I followed an usher who led me to the table they were using for the tournament.

I took a seat across from a man wearing a long dark coat and a hat that went down to cover his eyes.

"...So, you're my opponent, huh? Heh, do they just let anybody play these days? I'm sorry, kid, but you're one thousand years too early to defeat me. Nothing personal, but I'll end this in a flash…"

"This is my first game, so please treat me well."

I bowed to this guy who could have given the clan of chuuni magicians a run for their money in terms of chuuni levels.

Faced with my polite response, he was caught off guard and couldn't help but bow as well.

"O-Oh. Um, yes, please treat me well…"

"Are the participants ready? I'll flip a coin… Midnight Flash, please choose heads or tails."

"Pffft!"

I covered my mouth as I heard this guy's chuuni stage name.

He didn't seem to notice that I was laughing at him as he choose heads. The referee flipped the coin and it turned up as tails, meaning that I have the first turn.

We started the duel off by drawing four cards from our deck.

"..."

I couldn't help but look at my drawn hand with a bit of shock.

My luck was working in my favor again, as expected.

My original deck was a game breaker.

It was an incredibly efficient deck that emphasized draw power and restricting your opponent's actions and playmaking, while increasing your own opportunities as much as possible.

While it was an effective deck that produced a historic tournament win-rate, it could hardly be called a fun deck to play with.

Since I wanted to have fun in this tournament more than I wanted to win, I mixed in some gimmick cards that weren't necessarily effective or even viable in a competitive setting.

I had drawn those gimmick cards on my first turn.

But for me to draw this combination on my first hand is…

As expected of my Luck stat.

"I summon Slasher the Magical Knight in face up attack position. When Slasher is normal summoned, I can put a spell counter on him. He gets 300 atk for each spell counter. Then, I set a face down card on the Spell/Trap zone. I end my turn…"

"With that ability… Slasher now has 1900 atk. Not bad. But you're going to have to do better than that to beat me! It's my turn! Draw! Heh, it's just not your lucky day! I banish the spell card Legendary Coronatite Core from my hand in order to special summon… The mechanical beast that's surprisingly popular with the kids… Mobile Fortress Destroyer!"

In just the second turn, another monster that was very familiar to me was summoned to the field.

"I use the Destroyer's effect! Once per turn, I can choose to send one card on my opponent's field to the graveyard! Say goodbye to Slasher the Magical Knight!"

"Uwooh! Destroyer already?! That was fast!"

"Kyaa~! Go for it, Flash-kun!"

The crowd cheered for Midnight Flash as he mounted an impressive assault against me.

However, in response...

"Then, I'll activate my set card. It's the quick-play spell card, Teleport. If there's a face up monster on my field, I can remove it from play for the reminder of the turn. I remove Slasher from the field for the duration of the turn."

I set aside Slasher into the banished zone, opening up my field for a direct attack.

After seeing my counter play to the Destroyer's effect, he let out a chuckle,

"Fufu. So you managed to save your monster. It doesn't matter! I can still attack this turn! I then equip Axe of Horror to my monster, raising it's attack by 1000! With this, my monster has 4000 attack points and can take all of your life points in one turn! It's a one-turn-kill! Destroyer! Attack directly!"

In response to this play, the crowd's cheering got even louder.

"Whoa! It's an OTK! As expected of Midnight Flash who is known for ending his matches in a flash!"

So that's where that corny nickname came from, huh?

In response to his play, however, I took out a monster from my hand and showed it to my opponent.

"I use the quick-play effect of the level one monster, Cream Puff Fairy, from my hand. I don't take any battle damage from your monster's attack. I now send Cream Puff Fairy to the graveyard."

"...Oh."

The crowd's cheering died down immediately as I completely stopped the Destroyer assault with a simple counter play.

"...At the end of the end phase, if I can't discard another Legendary Coronatite Core from my hand or send a 'Norse' monster to the graveyard, I will have to send Mobile Fortress Destroyer to the graveyard. Since I can't perform either of those actions, I send Destroyer to the graveyard. I end my turn..."

It seems like this guy really was planning to end it all in that last turn.

Next, it was my turn.

"I draw. At the start my turn, Teleport's effect will end and Slasher will go back to the field in face-up attack position. However, due to Teleport's activation penalty, Slasher's attack and defence points will go down by 500 when he returns to the field."

"Phew. I don't know what I would have done if I had to take 1900 points of damage head on…"

"Kekeke…. Muwahahahaha!"

"E-Eh…?"

"Thou thinks this is a good thing? Moi will show how clueless art thou!"

"...Um, excuse me, but are you feeling alright?"

Perhaps due to some hidden side effects of the Vanir-style mask I was wearing, my speech pattern started imitating a certain devil who relishes situations like this…

While chuckling to myself, I played a card from my hand.

"From my hand, I play the spell card, Berserker's Spirit!"

"Eh? What does that do?"

"Allow me to explain! Once I discard my entire hand to the graveyard, I can target one monster on my side of the field with 1500 attack points or less! Due to Teleport's effect, Slasher fits that requirement with 1400 attack points!"

"W-What?! Don't tell me that you decreased Slasher's attack on purpose!"

The confident look he had started deteriorating.

To meet the requirement, I discarded my hand, which consisted solely of the card I just drew.

"Berserker Spirit's effect, once the conditions are met, is this: I get to draw; If the card I draw is a monster card, I have to send it to the graveyard, and my targeted monster gains one extra chance to attack this turn! Furthermore, I can keep drawing as long as I draw a monster card! Naturally, Slasher will gain an extra chance to attack for each monster card I draw!"

"E-Eh?! But that's…! Wait, you can't scare me. Sure, you might get an extra attack, but what are the chances that you'll consecutively draw monster cards?!"

"If there's one strong point I have, it's my luck! I draw!"

Thanks to my luck, I drew a monster card.

"Slasher attacks directly!"

"Tch! You got lucky! But the next one will be…!"

"Draw! It's another monster card!"

"E-Eh? W-Wait a minute, this is…!"

"Draw! Monster card!"

"What?! N-No, how can this…!"

"Draw! Monster card!"

"Gahhh! No way!"

I didn't even need to look at the card to know that it was a monster card. I knew that my luck would prevail…!

I believe in the heart of the cards!

"Draw! Monster card! Draw! Monster card! Draw! Monster card!"

"Gahhh! Stop iiittt! Pleeease!"

He was on his knees and begging me to stop, but a weird excitement was filling me and I couldn't help but keep going…!

"Draw! Monster card! Draw! Monster card!"

And then, with my excitement hitting its apex…!

"DURO! MONSTA CARDO!"

"Pleease have mercyyy! I'm sowwyyy!"

"Please stop it already, Mask-san! Midnight Flash-san's life points already dropped to 0 a long time ago!"

"Let go of me!"

Rare Hunter-san and the staff had to remove me from the table.

…

...

Once I calmed down from my Vanir-mask induced frenzy, the store owner approached me.

"I don't care what you do anywhere else, but please don't use this deck in my store ever again..."

"...Yes, I'm sorry for getting carried away."

I haven't even used my actual strategy yet, and still my deck was already banned in this store after my very first match.

 **Part 7**

Since we'd have a busy day tomorrow, we didn't stay up too long and went back to our rooms before it got too late.

The next morning, we woke up early.

After having breakfast at the hotel's restaurant, we waited in the lobby for Iris to come down.

Well, Aqua, Megumin and I were waiting. Darkness stayed with Iris to help her prepare.

Since these two girls here probably have no idea about noble etiquette and fashion, Darkness shooed them away when they tried to offer their help.

"The nerve of that ojou-chan! Saying that she doesn't need my help… Aren't I very glamorous and fashionable?! Look at this beautiful hagoromo and my otherworldly blue hair!"

As if trying to prove a point, Aqua flicked her blue hair.

"I can't really say anything about Aqua's looks, but I assume all the goddesses are beautiful, anyways, so Aqua is not that special. As for the hagoromo, can Aqua really be proud of that? In the end, that's a property of heaven. Furthermore, I'll never understand girls who are proud of the way they look. What's there to be proud of? If you were born pretty, what does that have to do with you as a person? Those who got lucky because of their genes have no right to show off!"

"Why is Kazuma so angry?! Oi, if you're jealous because of my superior genes as a goddess, just say so!"

Megumin separated me from Aqua before I could get even more riled up. Then she said,

"It seems to me that Kazuma said all that because he's insecure about his looks. In turns of looks, Kazuma has nothing to be ashamed of."

"If that's your idea of flattery, Megumin, it's better not to say anything at all. See, Kazuma looks pretty depressed."

Before those two could tease me any further, thankfully, Darkness finally arrived with Iris.

"I'm sorry for the wait, everyone."

Iris said in her usual meek manner.

"..." x 3.

We couldn't help but stare at Iris.

"Hey, do you remember that skill Beldia, the dullahan we fought, used on Darkness? The curse that can kill a person in one week after it's been applied. Do you think I can learn that skill and use it on a certain prince?"

"K-Kazuma?! I thought that you were finally taking our mission seriously for once, but I was wrong?! Wasn't Kazuma saying before that we need to impress the prince and make sure this mission goes well?!"

Darkness said, as I felt a sudden rush of anger after seeing my little sister Iris wearing a beautiful dress for the sake of some random prince.

"Darkness has a point. First we'll get the money, then we can assassinate the prince. If the prince is dead, there won't be anymore talks about an arranged marriage."

"Kazuma… To think that I gained some respect for you lately!"

"Heh. And that's where you went wrong, Darkness… Ouch!"

This time, Megumin couldn't stop me before I could get a good hit in on Aqua, who's been ticking me off more than usual lately.

"...Let's do our best to secure funding from Elroad, everyone."

We stopped fighting as Iris said those mature words.

While Iris was all dressed up, we were wearing our usual gear.

Since we were technically a part of Iris's escort, Darkness said that it wasn't necessary for us to dress up.

"It will be better if Princess Iris sticks out even among famous adventurers, that's what I want to impress upon the prince and his cohorts."

"Darkness surprisingly gave this a lot of thought, huh?"

"Surprisingly, you say?! Why can't Kazuma compliment me without any backhanded insults attached to it?!"

When we went outside, we were met by a representative of the prince.

He had a carriage waiting for us that would take us to the castle.

"Even though it's only a short walk to the castle, these guys are going out of their way to accommodate us. Wouldn't you say that's a good sign that they want to make a good impression on us? If it was me, I'd make the guests go through all sorts of trouble just to reach me. That way I can make a point about how they are below me."

"...Let me handle the negotiations for now, onii-sama."

Iris said in response to what I'd do if I had the upper hand in negotiations.

In reality, we were the ones who were heavily disadvantaged in this situation.

We were practically begging Elroad for money.

Since we couldn't offer them anything in terms of trade or even the protection that Belzerg provided when the war was going on...

"...The more I think about this, what can we even do to convince the prince to renew or even consider further negotiations? No matter how you look at it, we have nothing to offer him."

When I brought this up, Iris fidgeted with her dress.

"I think that my father is planning to use the influence of onii-sama's party to give us an advantage in negotiations. Normally, meetings like this are kept secret, but my father sent us here to travel in the conspicuous traditional royal carriage instead of the more discreet high-speed carriage. Furthermore, when I asked the hotel staff for information, it seems like all the citizens of Elroad know about the details of our negotiation."

Darkness rubbed her chin in deep thought.

"When we left the capital, the crowd cheered for us to do well during the negotiations. The people back home also know about our mission. The king doesn't seem like the type who would let leaks like that get out unless he wants it to. Could it be he's trying to strongarm the prince by using our influence to appeal to the citizens of Elroad?"

"Hah?! So we're being used as propaganda to incite the common masses?! How dare that old man use me like this! I thought he sent me here because of my negotiating skills and overall intellect! ...Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"..." x 4.

The rest of us stared blankly at Aqua.

When we made it to the castle walls, the gates on the rampart walls were raised, allowing us passage. We were led through a beautiful garden grounds.

The grounds were spacious, so I had to use Farsight to make out the people in the distance who were lined up to greet us.

Among the rows of people in suits was a young man who was most likely the prince.

He seemed to be bouncing around excitedly as he looked through a pair of binoculars.

Oh?

Didn't he seem excited to see us?

"Hey, does Iris know anything about the prince?"

"I haven't met him personally yet, onii-sama, but I did do some research. I asked the hotel staff about him, but, um... "

Iris glanced away awkwardly.

She continued,

"...Well, they called him something like the 'idiot prince'."

Idiot prince…

If that's the case, maybe Aqua will get along with him.

"That hotel staff seemed to be pretty loose-lipped even if they were talking to the princess of another nation. Did they say anything else?"

"Apparently, there used to be a pretty well-liked advisor who counselled Prince Revi in all sorts of matters, but he disappeared quite a while ago… Shortly after the Devil King's defeat, I believe."

I kept what Iris said in mind as we approached the prince and his entourage.

The driver of the carriage got off and helped the girls get out of the carriage.

As we got off, the reception came towards us.

I got a close look at the prince.

...This kid was tall.

He was already as tall as me.

I don't know how to feel about that.

He also had red hair, which was the first time I've seen that on someone of nobility or royal blood…

As we were all out of the carriage, the prince couldn't contain himself anymore and headed straight towards me.

"H-Hello! Thanks for coming all the way here! I'm a big fan of you, Satou-sama! To finally meet you face to face is…!"

...Eh?

I expected to see some spoiled brat who would treat us with a rotten attitude. I didn't expect this treatment at all.

As I couldn't help but feel bewildered, Iris covered for me. She gave a perfect curtsy.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Prince Revi. I am Iris, princess of…"

"Hey, hey! That sword by Satou-sama's side… Isn't that the legendary sword, Chunchunmaru?! Although the name sounds a bit weird, I heard that it was christened by a powerful crimson demon mage, so the weird name is to be expected…"

Hearing the word 'powerful' associated with her, Megumin stepped forwards, completely blocking Iris who was just interrupted.

"Fufu. I don't know why you think the name is weird, but as for the one who named that sword, it is none other than myself…"

"I see! This girl, isn't she a part of Satou-sama's harem? I think I heard something like that. Um, I heard that heroes are quite popular with women, but it seems that even lolis are attracted to Satou-sama, huh?"

"Does this kid want to get socked in the face or something?"

Darkness immediately pulled away Megumin, whose eyes were glowing dangerously red.

I still didn't know what to make of this sudden development, so I didn't say anything more as we were led inside the mansion.

 **Part 8**

"Hey, hey! Satou-sama! Tell me about how you defeated the Devil King! I've read accounts of it, but they don't seem too consistent. One account says that a beautiful Arch-Priest banished the Devil King with a powerful seal. Another one claims that it was a beautiful Arch-Wizard with big breasts who destroyed the Devil King and half the continent along with him with a powerful Explosion. There are all sorts of stories like that, but I don't know what to believe…"

I looked at Aqua and Megumin, who were avoiding my gaze.

Some time ago, there were bookkeeper and historian types that came to visit us and asked for our account of how that battle went down.

It seems that those two let their personal bias come out as they were being interviewed.

"Well, instead of talking about that, um… About what we came here for today…"

"Hey, is it true that Satou-sama is an adventurer who uses many skills from different classes?! Please demonstrate some of those skills right now!"

"Well, that's true, but…"

As we were invited inside for the reception, the prince kept asking questions like this.

I kept trying to stir the conversation back to the topic of the negotiations, but he didn't seem very interested.

Iris has been trying to talk to him, but aside from exchanging some very stiff greetings with her, Prince Revi only seemed interested in talking to me.

"No, no, rather than talk to the weak Kazuma who has the weakest class of adventurer, wouldn't Prince Revi like to talk to Princess Iris instead? As someone born of the noble lineage, she is much more powerful than Kazuma here…"

I get that Darkness is also trying to shift the topic back to negotiations, but she's really pissing me off right now.

Prince Revi looked to Darkness and then to Iris.

Based on his reaction, it didn't seem like he had a good impression of Iris so far.

I thought that this was the first time they met. I didn't know why he was looking at Iris with such distaste.

Rather, negotiations or not, I won't forgive anyone who treats my little sister like that.

"Hmph! What I like about Satou-sama is that even though he's supposedly weak and started out with bad stats, he still found a way to become a famous adventurer! Even among a team of elite members with advanced classes, he still managed to become their leader! I also admire his business acumen. Starting out from nothing and eventually becoming one of the richest people in the world… It's very admirable! Compared to someone of the royal family who inherited all their talents and wealth from their heroic ancestors, of course I would be more interested in a person like Satou-sama!"

He looked at me with sparkling eyes again.

Well, if he admires me for such a reason, I guess it can't be helped.

"So it's these weak, frail looking types who end up admiring Kazuma, huh? Pfft!"

It was a clear mistake bringing the dense Aqua to an important diplomatic mission like this.

I tried to shift the topic again,

"Um… Prince Revi…"

"Just Revi is fine, Satou-sama!"

"Then, Revi, it's nice chatting like this, but we came here for negotiations..."

"In terms of the money, I don't really have any problems giving it to you."

"That easy?!"

We were surprised as Revi nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders.

Iris left out a sigh of relief.

It seems like all the pressure that was mounting on her was lightened in that moment.

"But, there must be a catch, right?'

Iris tensed up again at Aqua's careless words.

Revi straightened his body and said,

"I personally believe that Belzerg has already fulfilled their side of our deal by eliminating the threat of the Devil King. I was raised to honor deals, especially business deals, so I don't see the reason why Elroad shouldn't continue to provide support to Belzerg, especially since Belzerg has already proven that their services are reliable. If you had come to me asking to renew the contract before Belzerg has made any significant victories against the Devil King's army, I would have declined you for sure."

Revi's somewhat playful tone suddenly shifted to a professional one.

Like Iris, he was probably trained since a young age. While Iris was trained in martial arts, warfare tactics and leadership, Prince Revi, the heir of the rich country of Elroad, was probably taught about business dealings and how to negotiate.

He went on to say,

"...I admit, ever since a certain incident when one of my trusted advisors suddenly disappeared, this country has been having some financial issues. Since that advisor was left in charge of a lot of projects, when he suddenly disappeared, we didn't know how to handle all the work he was taking on. My father is in a faraway land conducting some important diplomatic business and he left that advisor in charge. But now… Hah…"

He let out a sigh as he sunk down on his seat.

I just noticed that he had bags under his eyes. For such a young boy, he didn't look his age as he scrunched his face in deep worry.

He was ambiguous about that incident involving the advisor, but I understand the need to keep certain things confidential.

When he mentioned that Elroad was barely getting by financially…

There were plenty of food available for the reception, but for the rich Elroad, I honestly expected a more lavish reception.

Now that I had the Advanced Cooking skill, I could tell from looking at the food that the kitchen staff had to cut down on expenses with the ingredients.

Even the high-class wine was diluted with ordinary grape juice.

After hearing what Revi had to say, Iris said,

"Um, so it seems that Prince Revi doesn't mind supporting Belzerg? Knowing Elroad, it's safe to say that this rich nation will soon regain its riches. And in regards to the advisor suddenly leaving, while it's tough to replace someone who was taking on many projects, I'm sure Prince Revi will find a way to deal with that problem. But the problem with Belzerg is that aside from primarily relying on our military expertise to make money, there are also a lot of unemployed soldiers and adventurers who lost their jobs after the war ended…"

Iris tried to explain the situation to Revi, who merely raised his hand to stop her.

"I already know about Belzerg's situation. It's tough to transition from war to peacetime for any country, but for the country of Belzerg whose citizens only know how to swing a sword around, it's an almost impossible task. I understand that your countrymen don't know how to live in a world where they have to use their brains and smarts to make money instead of spending the whole day hunting goblins… Heh. That's why the barbarians of Belzerg needs our help, right?"

"Ex… Excuse me?"

Iris was taken aback as Revi suddenly displayed a haughty attitude.

"Don't get me wrong. Like I said, I will honor our deal. Like this barbarian princess said, Elroad will surely bounce back in time, so we can afford to give a few welfare checks to Belzerg in the meantime."

Iris looked affronted, but since Revi already agreed to send financial aid, she couldn't say anything more about the matter.

"Oi, saying all that to Iris… Weren't you kissing Kazuma's ass this whole time? He's a citizen of Belzerg too, you know!"

"M… Megumin-san!"

While Iris might have been willing to put up with the treatment, Megumin wasn't having any of it.

"Satou-sama hailed from another country, did he not? He is not like the barbarians raised in Belzerg. What I admire about Satou-sama is that not only is he accomplished in the battlefield, but he also has business acumen. He's not just some brute. The truth is, the people of Elroad has always had prejudice over the warlike Belzerg. But, that country filled with brutes does have its uses. That's why I said that I'd like to offer financial aid, did I not?"

"For a while now, this little brat has been running his mouth…!"

"Yeah, I really don't like how he's making fun of dumb people!"

Along with Megumin, Aqua also started getting really offended for some reason.

"Megumin-san! Aqua-san! We're conducting negotiations right now, so please put up with it! Even if you really want to hit this brat in the groin area like I do, please put up with it!"

Iris was trying to pacify the hotheads but she let out a bit of her own intentions while doing so.

I also didn't like how this kid was implying all sorts of things about Iris.

He even called her a barbarian princess.

But, even I knew how to keep my cool in important situations like this.

I'll just have to use that dullahan's curse skill on this brat after we receive his money.

The other person who was trying to keep their cool, Darkness, said this,

"I'm sorry about my companions. If the prince is willing, we'd like to finalize the details of our renewed contract…"

"Wait, I said that I'd _like_ to honor our deal, but it's not as easy as that."

"...Eh?"

Darkness froze just as she was getting some documents and a pen out.

"Like I said, there are those in this country who are quite prejudiced towards Belzerg. There are those whose opinions shifted after the Devil King's defeat, but there are still a majority who are saying 'why couldn't they have finished the job sooner', and the like."

Among the people who watched our carriage enter the city, there were indeed quite a few people saying such things.

One fellow even proposed that Belzerg had stalled the war on purpose as an elaborate scheme to keep receiving money from Elroad.

"Even my advisors over there are against my wishes to re-establish any deals with Belzerg, whether it be the old deal or a compromised one. So, as you can see, my hands are tied. Sorry."

Letting us believe that he'd go for it only to drop all that in the end…

"B… But, as the crown prince, after the advisor who your father left in charge disappeared, Prince Revi should have the final say in these matters..."

Iris brought up this point, but Revi shook his head again.

"I don't know if you've been talking to the locals or not, so maybe you already know this, but they don't exactly have a good opinion of me. Calling me 'Idiot Prince' and 'Scoundrel Prince' and the like. I've received intel from some spies that there are some radical groups who are planning to riot or even pull a coup if I agree to this deal with Belzerg..."

"Is… Is that so…"

Sensing the despair of the situation, Iris lowered her face in her hands.

Seeing this, Prince Revi looked at Iris in shock.

"Eh? You're not going to get angry at me or anything?"

"Prince Revi said so himself. His hands are tied. As someone who was also born into royalty, I understand that it's a lot of pressure. And I've never had to run an entire nation by myself. I can't judge the Prince Revi who is also struggling right now."

"I-I see..."

Perhaps not expecting that kind of response, Revi started looking at Iris as if he was re-evaluating her.

I thought about everything at hand.

The country of Elroad was always prejudiced towards the neighboring Belzerg due to the difference in cultures.

They were also resentful from having to provide substantial financial aid to Belzerg, but begrudgingly accepted the need to do so.

However, after the defeat of the Devil King, the citizens were divided in two. There were those who were grateful towards Belzerg and saw the country in a new light, and there were those who wanted to cut of all relations to Belzerg now that the threat of the Devil King is gone.

And now, we were here, to renegotiate a whole new contract.

A meeting that should have been kept in secret as there was tension among the populous of Elroad over the subject of a new deal between the nations.

And yet, for some reason, the King of Belzerg made a show of bringing us here, his country's most famous heroes, while riding in an instantly recognizable carriage.

He didn't even have problems with bringing Aqua along, the loudmouth who would surely let her presence be known to everyone.

"...!"

I see.

It was all on purpose.

Darkness was close to the mark, but she didn't know that the prince himself didn't need anymore convincing to finalize a deal.

In the end, it was all up to the citizens of Elroad.

The citizens of Elroad who were thinking that Belzerg was weak and useless for taking so long to beat the Devil King army.

They've probably never witnessed a war zone, which is why they can say those things.

They have certainly never seen the adventurers and soldiers of Belzerg in action.

That's why the king sent us here, a loud and noisy, yet influential party.

Instead of secrecy and diplomatic expertise, he chose to take a gamble on our ability to raise hell.

"It seems like our only option is to convince the people of Elroad that a continued relation with Belzerg is still beneficial to them, right?"

In response to my words, Revi nodded.

"Well, yes, Satou-sama, but the war is over. If Belzerg can't rely on their combat expertise, I don't see how…"

"The war with the Devil King is over, sure, but there are still a lot of dangerous monsters in this world, regardless of the Devil King's existence. Surely, Elroad must have at least a couple of these dangerous monsters."

"Yes… There are indeed monsters like that. Monsters like the Golden Dragon and the Cream Puff Fairy Queen… And there is also the mysterious monster residing within a certain dungeon…"

"Eh? Cream Puff Fairy Queen? Aren't Cream Puff Fairies those delicacies we had in Iris's place that go 'Muuuu!' if you try to eat them? Those little treats have a queen? That thing must be big! We have to hunt it and eat it for sure!"

Out of all the monsters Revi described, Aqua only seemed interested in the Cream Puff Fairy Queen.

"I think I see where Kazuma is going with this. He wants me to blow up those dangerous monsters so that the people of Elroad will look at us favorably, right? Fufu. This is getting exciting…!"

Megumin couldn't help but squirm in her seat at the prospect of blowing up some new monsters in a foreign land.

"A chance to see Satou-sama in action! I don't know if this plan of yours will really succeed or not, but I am looking forward to it!"

Revi was similarly excited.

"As usual… I will act as this party's shield and protect you all from danger. As a noble of Belzerg, it is my duty to…"

"Everyone, let's do our best to show the people of Elroad our abilities as the representatives of Belzerg!"

"Uwoooh! Well said, Iris!"

"...Um, that's what I was about to say, but well said, Princess Iris! Haha…"

Darkness laughed weakly as Iris completely stole her thunder.

 **Chapter 26 END**

 **Next Chapter: Showing Off to this Skeptic Nation!**


	29. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27: Showing Off to this Skeptic Nation!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP**

 **Proofreading: Marv**

 **Part 1**

In order to sway the public opinion of Elroad, we resolved to subjugate the three strongest monsters in the country.

The Golden Dragon, the Cream Puff Fairy Queen and lastly, a mysterious monster residing within a mysterious cave.

I didn't know what the deal was with the mysterious monster in the mysterious cave, but the other two monsters seemed to be pretty powerful.

That said…

"EX… TERION!"

...Iris took down the Golden Dragon in one shot.

"Hah… Hah… How did I do, onii-sama?"

"Good job, Iris. Here, have some snacks."

"Yay~!"

She seemed to be in a good mood today.

While Iris was busy fighting the dragon, the rest of us were having a picnic.

Even though we were in a boss area, we were sitting around on a picnic blanket and eating snacks.

"Kazuma was strict with Princess Iris during the trip. He wouldn't let her fight the monsters, claiming that it was too dangerous for her. And yet, Kazuma is now letting his supposed 'little sister' fight a powerful dragon on her own..."

Darkness gave me a disapproving look.

"Um… I don't really mind fighting. My father even told me 'Iris-chan, make sure to take care of those four' before we left."

"His majesty said that?! But… But we're supposed to be the bodyguards here!"

"If it's like that, then it's out of my hands."

"Kazuma is way too passive!"

Being a responsible guardian was one thing, but if the child I'm supposed to be protecting is way more capable than me…

"I'll… I'll leave it in your hands, Iris."

"Un! Onii-sama can depend on me!"

"I actually let myself believe that Kazuma was taking his noble duties seriously! What a mistake!"

Darkness was seriously glaring at me.

"That's your fault, Darkness. Never give Kazuma the benefit of the doubt. That said, these Cream Puff Fairy things are really delicious! They're even better than the ones served in Belzerg's royal palace! Here, Megumin, let's have some more. Nom!"

"Ah. Thank you for the meal. Nom. It goes great with this tea, too."

"Muuuu?!"

I looked away as Aqua and Megumin were voraciously feasting on those cute, cream puff-like creatures.

Eating them alive is a bit too much, you know?

The attendants Revi ordered to escort us, cautiously approached the corpse of the dragon .

"The… The Golden Dragon was defeated so easily! With one strike?! Is the combat power of Belzerg's royalty really this high?!"

"Hey, if the princess who is still young is like this… I wonder just how powerful the famous party who defeated the Devil King is…? Gulp!"

These guys were getting the wrong idea.

"Fufun. If you thought that was impressive, just wait until I have a chance to unleash my true power! This eyepatch I'm wearing is a seal that limits my true powers. If this seal is removed, a catastrophe will befall the world. That's why I must never take this seal off… Never take it off… Actually, when was the last time I washed this?"

In the middle of her boasting, Megumin looked kind of worried as she took her eye patch off and sniffed it.

"Eeek?! She took off her seal?! Then the world will be? ...Eh, nothing is happening?"

What did they expect would happen?

 **Part 2**

"Nom, Nom. So the next target is the Cream Puff Fairy Queen, huh? I'm excited! I wonder if a big Cream Puff will show up? Will it be even more delicious than these guys?"

"Muuu~!"

Aqua still kept munching on those creatures on our way to the next monster.

Since there was a fair bit of distance between the Golden Dragon's lair and the Cream Puff Fairy Queen's location, we were being transported on carriage.

There were two carriages. One for our transport and another one for the attendants.

Both carriages pulled along a wooden cart behind them, which were intended to hold any monster materials we could salvage.

The materials from the Golden Dragon were stored in the cart of the second carriage. The attendants had worked hard to collect the material.

The Golden Dragon was a greedy creature that had hoarded an unimaginable wealth of treasures throughout its long life.

It decided to make its home in Elroad, the country of riches, for this reason.

The greed of the Golden Dragon consumed its being to such an extent that a peculiar transformation happened.

As if its own treasures were melding into its body, the Golden Dragon's scales had become solid gold. And there were precious gemstones in between the segments of the scales, making its body glitter.

It was a sight to behold.

Well, Iris took it down before we could admire the sight for too long.

"Hey, Kazuma. Are you sure you want to give those materials to Elroad? I mean, aren't those scales very valuable?"

Aqua really had a one-track mind.

We gave the Golden Dragon materials to the country of Elroad in order to gain their favor.

"It's not like we need the money, and our mission takes priority."

"Kazuma can't fool me anymore. You pretend to take your duties seriously, but then you let Princess Iris fight your own battles…"

Darkness was still holding that grudge over my head.

"Lalatina, it's really fine! In the first place, I was the one who asked to fight! Rather than having me take the back seat… I'd like it if you relied on me more!"

Iris was in a bad mood during our trip to Elroad because I limited her freedom in all kinds of ways.

That said, she was already in a bad mood prior to the trip.

"Was it PMS, after all?"

"Is onii-sama still going on about that?!"

Ah, she's in a bad mood again.

Dealing with kids entering puberty is quite difficult.

"Satou-sama, we are here."

Before we knew it, we arrived at the lair of the Cream Puff Fairy Queen.

A tall hill with a perpetual mist hanging over it.

Since that mist persisted no matter the time of year or weather, it was said to be a magical effect of the Cream Puff Fairy Queen.

Cream Puff Fairies, or Sugar Fairy puffs, were dessert-like creatures resembling cream puff pastries that could somehow move on its own.

I had thought that the vegetables in this world were the only foods that were animated to the point that they seemed to have sentience, but these strange little cream puff creatures also existed.

Actually, I had also encountered a possessed egg yolk not long ago, so I suppose having dessert that could move wasn't too strange.

Ever since Aqua and Megumin had a taste of these cream puff creatures back at Iris's palace, they developed a craving for these delicacies.

I couldn't get over how these poor creatures would squirm and go 'muuuu~!' if you put them closer to your mouth, so I couldn't make myself eat them.

As we were climbing up a hill, Aqua took out a fork and knife out of her travel bag. She even had a bib around her neck.

"I just ate the last of those little guys that we packed in our picnic basket, so I'm excited to feast on their supposed Queen! I know that they're supposed to be expensive, but that Revi brat gave us way too little."

"S-Sorry, but with the state of the country, we can't afford to spend too much on those kinds of luxuries…"

The attendants were actually apologizing to this self-centered bitch.

"This queen of those cream puff creatures is still the second strongest monster of this country. Don't let your guard down, Aqua."

"This country isn't known for having super dangerous monsters. Monster hunting here is safer compared to hunting in the Belzerg that is overrun with monsters and all sorts of dangerous existences!"

"Ah, is that so? Maybe we should just move here."

"We can't, Kazuma. We have a home in Belzerg."

Megumin, who held concepts such as 'home' and 'family' very closely to her heart, couldn't let my half hearted comment pass without saying anything.

As we climbed up the hill, we took our default battle formation.

The only alterations we made were due to the inclusion of a new frontline ace, Iris.

Darkness and Iris made up the vanguard.

Aqua and I were somewhere in the middle for support.

While Megumin, our little 'break in case of emergency' explosion psycho, was way, way, way in the back.

She was even behind the attendants.

"Um, should we really bring the attendant-san along?"

"It's alright. It's our job to escort everyone here. We will stay a safe distance away and won't get in your way."

"Just make sure to stay behind us."

"Yes, Dustiness-sama."

Darkness was worrying about her subordinates and those under her protection.

How reliable~

...Is what I would say if her character wasn't completely rotten.

Finally, after a long walk, we made it to the top.

"This fog is thick! I can't see anything!"

Up close, the fog was even denser than we could have imagined.

"Hmm… Since this was reported to be a magical effect… Oi, Aqua, it's been a while so why don't you remind us why we bother to keep you around. Use your powers to get rid of this fog."

"How… How dare you say that to this great goddess?! Aren't I always useful?! Geez! I'll show you just how useful I can be! Sacred Break Spell!"

The magical light of Sacred Break Spell pierced through the dense fog, instantly clearing it.

"Oh, Aqua chose the right spell. I'm pleasantly surprised. I thought you'd try to flood the fog away with some kind of troublesome water spell. Good job. Aqua's making improvements in her decision making. Too bad your Intelligence stat will never increase, though… What a shame."

"I already did my job properly and you're still insulting me?!"

Now that Aqua cleared the fog, we could see the top of the hill.

It was a grassy area with wild flowers in abundance.

"Muuu~! Muuuuu~!"

And frolicking in this serene place were Aqua and Megumin's beloved Cream Puff Fairies.

One of them hopped next to Megumin's feet.

"Muuuuu~!"

It rubbed its cheeks on Megumin's shins.

"Ah, how cute. Is that their way of greeting people? My heart is fluttering from the cuteness. Well, then. Thank you for the meal."

"Oiiii!"

Megumin didn't hesitate to pick it up and bite its head off.

"You little creamy twinks thought you could hide in that fog from me?! Come to mommy!"

"Muuuu~! Muuuu~!"

Aqua chased after the puffs with her fork and knife in hand.

She was savagely mowing them down and then eating them.

"Stop breaking formation! Get back here!"

Wait a minute… This pattern….

"Wait, you two! Stop it! Don't you guys have the ability to learn from the past?!"

I immediately threw away my weapon and prostrated.

Any minute now, the Queen of these little things will show up.

If it's anything like the Winter Shogun…

I don't want to be beheaded again, damnit!

Those two ignored my warning and continued their feast.

"Um, onii-sama, why are you bowing with your head on the ground?"

"Iris and Darkness should do it too!"

"...! Onii-sama! Something is appearing!"

There was a flickering light.

A silhouette formed from that light.

A humanoid figure materialized.

It was the same light refraction magic the NEET squad from Megumin's hometown was using to loiter… I mean, scout the woods around the village.

Instead of a giant cream puff like Aqua predicted, this Cream Puff Fairy Queen looked more like a human than a monster.

Her hair was fluffy, like a cloud. It was a silky white color, resembling the creamy insides of a cream puff.

Matching her hair, she wore a voluminous white dress that reminded me of a wedding gown.

Her skin was a light tan, most likely to represent the flaky pastry that made up the outside of a cream puff.

There was a bright, pink colored gem on her forehead that matched her eyes. The gem emitted a radiant light.

This elegant monster extended an arm towards us, as if in greeting.

"Welcome to my abode, intruders. You have eaten my little ones. And for that, you should die."

"Muuuuu~!"

As if stirred up by their master, the normally docile cream puffs charged towards us.

 **Part 3**

"Wahhhh! Gahhhh! Hahhhh! Noooo! Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san! Saaavee meeeee!"

"Muuu~! Muuuu~!"

Those docile creatures that would barely struggle even as you were eating them were now aggressively pursuing Aqua.

Some had clung onto her long hair by biting onto it.

"B-Back off! What's up with these things?! How did they get so strong all of a sudden?! Ah, no! … Eeeek?!"

"Muuu~! Muuu~!"

Aqua casted buffs on herself and was able to avoid being captured, but the puffs had already caught up to Megumin and were piling on top of her.

"...Kazuma, help me. They're touching a weird place. I'm being violated."

Megumin already lost the will to fight as she was instantly captured.

"They… They need our help!"

"No, Iris, we shouldn't just rush in..."

"Hiyahh!"

Perhaps because she wasn't used to battles, Iris let her emotions cloud her decision making as she charged in without any proper plan of attack.

"My friends are in danger! Don't worry, Princess Iris! I've got your back!"

This Crusader here is supposed to be a veteran adventurer but she was making the same rookie mistake.

Iris was physically impressive for her size and age. She closed the gap between her and the Queen in a matter of seconds.

"...! M-My children! One of the intruders is attacking me!"

"Muuuu~!"

"E-Eh? They're… They're latching onto me! It's hard to move!"

While Iris had her attack derailed…

"Muuu~?!"

"Do you think these little things are enough to stop me?! Taste my blade, monster!"

"What's… What's up with this brute?!"

Darkness easily shook those things off.

"Take this!"

"Noooo! …Eh?"

The queen flinched as Darkness swung her greatsword.

"..." x 2.

Darkness missed her target.

Obviously.

"Oi! How useless can you get! If you're not going to do anything, just stay here with the attendants!"

"There… There was some kind of barrier or something that made me miss! Be careful, Kazuma, this Queen is incredibly strong!"

"Um, I didn't erect a barrier or anything…"

While the queen was distracted by Darkness, Iris was secretly able to pull her sword arm free.

"You're wide open! Ex… ter…!"

Iris was preparing to end this in one shot.

"...! Unlike this lady knight who can't land her attacks for some reason, this little girl seems dangerous! I'm sorry, my children, but please… Offer your life for me!"

The queen brought her hands together as if in prayer.

And then the cream puffs that were clinging onto Iris's body…

"Myuuuuu~!"

Made themselves explode in a kamikaze attack.

"Ahh?! What's… What's with this white stuff?! It's all over me?!"

The cream inside of the puffs splattered all over Iris's body.

She collapsed on the ground.

"For… For some reason I can't move! It's like my body is frozen... Onii-sama…!"

The Queen stood over Iris's body and giggled.

"Once my children sacrifice themselves to protect me, their cream will become supercharged with their life force. The cream will then have the ability to immobilize any opponent it touches, no matter how strong they are."

Our most reliable ace just got taken out.

"Why you…! To… To have your minions unleash all their white stuff all over the princess is…! I'm so jealous… I-I mean, I won't forgive you! Hiyahh!"

"Ah, this one again."

The queen stepped aside as Darkness tried to attack, only to badly miss again.

"Seems like I can just ignore this one. Fufun~!"

"Damn you…! Even if you make your minions push me to the ground and pin me down and release all their white stuff on me… I won't lose!"

"Ah, no. I'm not going to waste any of my children on you."

"...Please?"

"N… No. Why are you asking your enemy for such a thing? Stop bothering me already!"

What is this Baka-sader up to now?

Since Iris got taken down, I looked towards the other two.

Aqua was captured and buried underneath a mountain of puffs.

Meanwhile, Megumin…

"I wanted to have a taste of that queen over there but… Seems like I'll have to blow her up. Sigh…"

"You'd even eat that human-looking monster? Oi…"

As I was kind of creeped out by Megumin, she started chanting Explosion magic.

"Is that explosion magic?! I-I won't let you…! My children!"

"Myyuuuu~!"

"...Ngh! So hot! Sticky white stuff is all over my body… Oi, I can't move."

Megumin was also taken out.

"Hm, that blue one over there was the one who dispelled my fog, right? I should take her out just in case."

"Wahhh?! Ahh… No! This hot white stuff is getting in my mouth…! Mmguh! Bleh! What is this suspicious fluid?! How dare you defile this goddess's holy body! ...Ah, I can't move."

Those three were swiftly taken out.

So now it was just down to me and Darkness.

"You… I'll make you pay!"

"...Why are you still bothering to attack me?"

"Kuh! That barrier is still too powerful! My attacks won't hit!"

"...Like I said, I don't have any barrier."

So now it was just down to me.

While the Queen was distracted by Darkness, I drew the mithril rope hanging by my belt.

I threw the rope at the Queen.

"Bind!"

"Eh?! ...Ugh!"

The rope wrapped itself around the Queen, pinning her arms behind her back.

What a useful skill.

Thanks for teaching me this skill, Big boss…!

"...Kazuma… That pattern…"

"Eh?"

"Tying me up in this disgraceful manner… What kind of sick plans do you have for me, intruder!"

"Um… I wasn't trying to do that…"

For some reason, the rope had taken an intricate shibari pattern when it subdued the Queen.

Furthermore, the rope was tied in a way that really emphasized her curves.

Why do all my skills come with some kind of kinky side effect?

I-I'm not doing this on purpose.

Really.

"Kazuma, do me next! You still have another rope, right? My turn, my turn!"

Darkness jumped around excitedly while waving her arms.

This one is making the situation worse.

"To capture me like this… Not bad, but… My children!"

"Myuuuu~!"

"Eh?" x 2.

Darkness and I both titled our heads in surprise as the remaining puffs gathered to the Queen.

They latched onto the ropes.

"Myuuu~!"

Once more, they self-destructed.

The cream spilled all over the ropes.

The rope came undone.

Using the cream's nullifying property to disperse the mana in the ropes…

Isn't this monster too resourceful?!

"To make me use the last of my children… No matter. I'll just use your life force to make more!"

The good news is that she didn't have any more minions to rely on.

The bad news was that she now had her sights firmly set on me.

"You look weak, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders… I'll have to take you seriously. Take this! Faerie Bolt!"

From the gem on her forehead, a pink energy beam shot towards me.

"K-Kazuma…!"

"Heh. You don't seem to have high defence stats. That should have been enough to kill you… It's over… Eh…? How… How did my attack miss?!"

The Queen exclaimed in shock as the guy she dismissed as already dead was still standing before her.

"I moved out of the way. You think I'm going to stand still while being attacked?"

"Tch! That… That was just a fluke! Take this! Faerie Bolt!"

"Kazuma! I'll protect you!"

Darkness moved to stand in front of me.

"Ah. Don't bother."

I easily sidestepped the second energy beam.

The beam made a deep crack on the ground where I was standing.

If I was hit with that, my body would have been split in half.

"Hah?! How did you do that?! Those reflexes are superhuman! Wait, you used Bind earlier… And along with your slim build… Ah, you must be a Thief who learned the Auto-Dodge skill!"

She was wrong about me being a Thief, but I did learn Auto-Dodge.

A passive ability that lets those in the Thief class dodge almost any attack aimed towards them.

Since it's a passive ability, I didn't even need to activate it. As long as I was aware of the attack, my body will move on its own as if on autopilot, and avoid the attack.

"That skill is impressive, but you can't dodge every attack! I'll block off all your escape routes…! Faerie Bolt! Fairie Bolt! Fairie Bolt!"

As expected of this resourceful monster. She figured out the limitations of the skill quite easily.

"Tch! Don't think I'll let you attack Kazuma just like that! Kuh!"

"Eh?! This one took a Faerie Bolt at point-blank and survived?! Who the hell are you people?!"

The Crusader whose only good point was defense protected me from the attack.

My Auto-Dodge did its work and I escaped through the path Darkness opened for me.

It's time to counterattack.

I drew my short bow and notched an arrow.

The action was almost instantaneous.

This was due to another passive skill I learned, this time from the Archer class.

It was called Quick Draw.

"Snipe! Snipe! Snipe!"

I rapidly fired arrows with Quick Draw and Snipe.

"Guh! Wind Wall!"

My arrows were easily deflected by a powerful gust of wind.

I couldn't take her out by myself.

"Darkness! Distract her!"

"On it! Hiyah!"

"Eek?! I know that this one can't hit, but your attacks are still scary?! Eeeek?!"

Even though Darkness had zero accuracy, her sword swings were still very powerful.

While the Queen was occupied, I went over to Megumin, who was the closest to me.

"Megumin, are you OK? Think you can stand if I give you some of my energy with Drain Touch?"

"Can't… T… alk…"

The paralyzing effect of the cream seemed to have completely immobilized her.

I knew something was weird when that crybaby Aqua stopped crying and screaming her lungs out.

I tried giving Megumin some of my energy, but the cream blocked my Drain touch from affecting her body.

What a powerful effect.

Not only was the Queen a resourceful spellcaster, but she could also sacrifice her minions to completely immobilize her foes.

What a scary opponent.

"Eeeek! Wait, wait… Time out!"

"I got you now, monster!"

"Your attacks have no chance of hitting but you're seriously creeping me out!

...Actually, Darkness seems pretty scary as well.

If I couldn't rely on Megumin or Iris for firepower…

"Oi, Darkness, I practiced a few times but I'm still just a beginner at this. Please don't hold any grudges if I hit you."

"Eh? What's Kazuma talking about?"

"Don't mind. Just distract the Queen while I set up."

I learned many useful skills that affected my survivability, or would compliment my pre-existing skills.

But even after spending all those Skill Points, I still had plenty left over.

That power leveling exploit I found was really quite ridiculous.

And so, with my surplus points…

I decided to improve my firepower.

"Eh? That chant is…! I thought you were a Thief?! And you used Archer skills earlier! Don't tell me you're a surprisingly strong person?!"

The Queen looked to me in shock, momentarily averting her eyes from the Darkness who was harassing her.

"Huh? Me? Strong? Oh, no. I'm just the weakest party member with the weakest class."

"You liar! Not only Thief and Archer skills… You know Intermediate magic, too?! Wait… Wait! Maybe we can work something out…!"

The Queen begged for a compromise, but I had already finished the chant.

I raised my hand.

And then…

"...Lightning!"

Flash!

A lightning bolt crashed down from above.

It struck the Queen head on.

"Guwohhhh?!"

The flash of lightning disappeared as quickly as it manifested.

Only a faint afterimage remained in my eyes.

Using magic beyond the basic Elementary magic…

It was a strange thrill.

I could somewhat understand why Megumin loved Explosion magic so much.

If Intermediate magic felt this good to cast, then Explosion magic must be…

L-Let's save that thought for another time.

After being burnt to a crisp, the Queen collapsed to the ground.

After using Intermediate magic for the first time in a real battle, I managed to hit my enemy straight on.

Well… Maybe my aim wasn't perfect...

"Kazumaaa! This is amazing! More!"

Her hair standing up and with soot marks all over her face, Darkness writhed on the ground and begged for more.

 **Part 4**

Despite being struck by lightning, the Queen still survived.

She seemed to have decently high magic resistance.

It looked cool, but Lightning was still just an Intermediate level magic.

And I didn't have high magic power to begin with.

Still, the spell did its job in stunning the Queen for a while.

The soot on her body cleared away after I washed her off with Create Water.

Her long, fluffy hair was singed terribly, though.

With all her minions gone, she couldn't sap away the mana from my Bind anymore.

I had used my second rope to subdue her.

"Mmmph… Hmmmph!"

She was glaring balefully at me as she struggled with her bindings and cloth gag.

While the shibari pattern was gone, the way she was tied up was still too erotic.

I-I'm really not doing this on purpose.

Darkness, of course, was up and about mere seconds after she got hit with my attack.

"Ehehe… Kazuma, you sly dog! You even learned Intermediate level Sadism skills. Along with Kazuma's Advanced level Pervert skills… Keep up the good work!"

"Stop giving me all these weird skills I don't have. And if you're free to goof around, take care of the others while I watch over the Queen."

"Kazuma wants to interrogate his prisoner…"

"Just move it already."

Darkness laughed giddily as I sent her off to take care of the others.

The attendants came over to me.

"Um, Satou-sama… Is it really alright to let this monster live?"

"...If you're asking me to kill such a human-like creature, I don't think I can stomach such a thing."

"R-Right…"

Without really knowing what to do with the Cream Puff Fairy Queen, we decided to take her to the palace with us for now.

The attendants said that Revi has a rather large monster collection.

He had the means to keep the Queen in captivity until we decided what to do with her.

It's not like the Queen was a danger to the public even before we fought her.

There were no reported incidents of the Queen harming anyone.

And her subjects were undoubtedly harmless creatures.

In fact…

The ones who intruded in her home, forced her to sacrifice her 'children' and then captured her…

No matter how you look at it, aren't _we_ the bad guys here?!

Darkness came back after assisting the others.

She pointed her sword at the monster.

"It's time to finish it off."

"Mmmph~?!"

The queen's glare turned into a pitiful look.

"Actually, Darkness, I've decided to spare the Queen. We can decide her fate later."

"K-Kazuma, I understand that she's a beauty, but this Queen is still a monster… As… As expected of Scum-zuma who is known to have all kinds of depraved fetishes!"

"I don't even want to know what you're imagining right now."

I don't have a monster girl fetish.

Come to think of it, megumin is a 'demon' of sorts, isn't she?

"..."

Let's not think too deeply about that.

"If Darkness can really deal the final blow to this pitiful creature, then go ahead. But I don't want to dirty my hands."

"It's not like I can deal the final blow, either…"

"Is Darkness's aim really that bad?"

"I meant that I can't do it because of moral issues! Since it's at close range and she's tied up like that, there's a 50/50 chance that my attack won't miss!"

"Even when your target can't move at all, it's still only a coin flip chance?

Once that decision was made, Darkness carried the Queen over her shoulders, like she was carrying a sack of potatoes.

We brought her into the carriage, where the others were waiting.

"Eeeee?! Why'd you bring that monster here?! S-Stay back! These stains won't wash away, these stains won't wash away!"

Aqua was dousing her face with her purified water, but the cream stains still remained all over her body.

"...The only good cream puffs are the ones who never come out of their stinking holes."

"Onii-sama… I was violated. They just kept surrounding me and pinning me down and shooting their gooey cream all over me…"

Their traumatized behavior reminded me of our mishaps with the Giant Toads.

How nostalgic.

While Darkness and I were thinking about what to do, one of the attendants offered a solution.

"Um, while one of the wooden carts we brought along is already being used for the Golden Dragon materials, we still have one more cart available. We can keep the Queen there along with a guard."

"We can't have the Queen on the cart since there are a lot of openings. She might escape even if we have a guard watching her."

"That's true…"

I've seen first hand how resourceful this Queen could be.

Even now, it seemed she was disappointed that I rejected that suggestion.

Aqua raised her hand.

"We're fine with staying in the cart. Just keep that Queen in the carriage and away from us."

"That's right, onii-sama. Since we are still covered in cream, we might stain the interior of the royal carriages. It's better if we stay in the cart."

"Well, that would be ideal, but… If you say so…"

The attendants brought out some blankets.

"It's getting dark. It will be cold out, so please use these blankets."

The girls hopped on the cart. They wrapped the blankets around themselves and huddled together.

"..."

Looking at them all huddled up in the cart...

I had a feeling that this set up would cause some misunderstandings.

But everyone had already settled into their positions and was ready to head back.

During the trip, Darkness and I kept a careful eye on the Queen.

The Queen was still glaring hatefully at me.

Her white dress was singed and ripped at parts, which unfortunately gave her an immodest appearance.

"Mmmph! ...Mmm!"

The simple cloth gag completely covering her mouth restricted her speech and ability to cast spells.

"...Urmph… Hmmph!"

She refused to sit still and kept trying to loosen the rope.

With the way the rope was constricting her body, her breasts jiggled as she squirmed against her bindings.

"..."

Of course, since she was a dangerous prisoner, I had to diligently watch her every movement.

It couldn't be helped.

"K-Kazuma, c-can you…?"

"No."

I refused Darkness's request before she could even make it.

When we got back to the city…

Along the streets, the crowd was watching our carriages carefully.

"Hey, look at all those golden scales… Could it be? Is that from the Golden Dragon?!'

"I heard that those heroes from Belzerg are going on a monster hunting expedition, but I didn't think they'd be able to take down one of our strongest monsters in one day!"

There were a lot of cheers as the first carriage pulling along the Golden Dragon materials came by.

And then when the second carriage came around…

"Eh? There's another cart… But there are girls inside?"

"Look at their faces. There's so much white stuff stuck on their skin…"

"I wonder what kind of hell they went through? Poor girls..."

Those girls who looked like the victims of a horrible event attracted even more attention than the Golden Dragon materials.

 **Part 5**

Revi invited us for dinner that night.

Among the food prepared was some of the meat from the newly slain Golden Dragon.

The attendants used some kind of preservation technique to make sure the meat wouldn't spoil on the way back.

Those guys were pretty reliable.

Since Dragon meat was rich in nutrients and packed a lot of EXP, it was a delicacy reserved only for the most affluent of nobles, or high-ranked adventurers.

That may be the case, but…

The meat was too tough and sinewy. There was a stink that no amount of herbs or spices could cover up.

And despite all the nutritional benefits, the taste was…

"Disgusting!"

Aqua summed up my thoughts by rudely spitting out a half chewed morsel of the Dragon steak served to us as the main entree.

I wasn't desperate to raise my level since my stats were already hard capped.

I had more Skill Points than I can spend thanks to my power levelling method.

"This is for EXP… This is for EXP… Ah, this taste is very foul! This kind of suffering is enjoyable in its own way… Ehe…"

This pseudo Crusader, who can't even hit stationary targets, can't rely on dealing the final blow on enemies to raise her level.

She was forcing herself to eat the putrid meat for the sake of receiving EXP.

"To think that Princess Iris was able to slay that dragon on her own… I'm honestly impressed. Wouldn't that make her a Dragon Slayer?! And that Satou-sama and the famously tough Crusader-sama would take down the elusive Cream Puff Fairy Queen… I'm very impressed! I'm sure that, with these feats, Belzerg's approval rating will rise among the people of Elroad!"

Revi said some encouraging words.

As for the captured Queen, as the attendants said, Revi had quite the monster collecting hobby a while ago.

He'd collect some strong monsters and treated them like pets.

The attendants even gossiped to me that Revi had his knights fight these strong monsters to 'prove their worth'.

What a problematic child.

Lately he's outgrown this sadistic hobby.

But there was still a living area for these monsters in the palace.

It was pretty cruel to lock a sentient, humanoid monster like the Queen in a cage, but these were temporary measures.

If we could somehow have the Queen promise that she won't hold a grudge over humanity for this incident, we could let her go, but…

Right now, it'd be irresponsible to let her go free.

After dinner, Revi sensed that we were all exhausted and invited us to stay the night in the palace instead of going back to our hotel.

"I'd like to talk some more to Satou-sama!"

So that was his hidden angle.

"Uwaaa~ I'm exhausted…"

Aqua blearily followed the maid-san to her allocated room.

The others were similarly exhausted.

"Onii-sama, I'm sorry for my poor performance in the second fight. It seems like I have a lot to learn. But thank you for letting me fight today."

Iris, polite as ever, said this to me.

"Iris doesn't have a lot of battle experience, so it's alright.''

She bowed to me and said goodnight.

Letting her fight really did wonders in alleviating her bad mood.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so strict on her.

Am I really losing touch with my roots?

Maybe all this noble and hero business is getting to my head a bit.

I felt a pull on my sleeve.

Megumin was trying to get my attention.

"I'm sorry, Kazuma. I hope you'll still accept me as I am. I promise that the important parts were not sullied. My body is still pure."

"Ah, no… Just forget about today."

I assured Megumin who still had dead eyes over that incident.

 **Part 6**

Revi followed me to my room.

"Oh, boy! A sleepover with Satou-sama!"

"No… Two guys having a sleepover is a bit… And please don't look at me with those dangerous sparkling eyes."

"Eh? What's Satou-sama talking about?"

He tilted his head.

Although this kid was taller than me, he still had very youthful features.

He fits that young, girly-faced, ikemen archetype.

A dangerous existence that might make a man's heart start beating faster if he lets his guard down.

"...Just in case, I'd like to ask Revi some questions. You are interested in girls, correct?"

"What kind of question…? Eh? S-Sorry, Satou-sama. I respect you, but I don't swing that way, so even if you insist…"

"Ah, no, that's not what I meant."

That line of questioning backfired on me.

"So, there's a type of girl Revi likes?"

"Ah, well… In terms of type… In the past I've had feelings for this maid-san who was very nice to me. I also crushed on a girl who was helping out in the kitchen. Also, the girl who works at the stable. She took care of the monsters I used to collect. Recently, a beautiful daughter of one of my advisors caught my eye, too…"

Revi is the type who fell in love very easily.

One of those to say that they fell in love at first sight.

"Actually, between me and Satou-sama, despite my previous assessment of Princess Iris… I was very impressed with her feat of defeating the Golden Dragon. Ah, but I heard that she was immediately taken down while fighting the Cream Puff Fairy Queen, though…"

"Don't insult my little sister like that. She tried her best."

"Eeek?! Is that murderous intent?! I'm sorry! I actually think she's very cute! I was just too shy to say it!'

"Keep your hands off my little sister."

"E-Eh? I'm confused. Does Satou-sama want me to like her or not?!"

Ah, I got a bit riled up.

Just a bit.

While I thought about the next conversation topic, I remembered an important subject that I've been meaning to ask about.

"Say, Revi… I understand if this is a closely guarded secret for your country and if you don't want to talk about it, but I'd like to hear more about that advisor who disappeared a while ago."

As Revi mentioned previously, there was an advisor who was left in charge of the country while King Elroad went on a diplomatic trip to a faraway land.

However, shortly after the defeat of the Devil King, this advisor abandoned his duties and disappeared in a suspicious manner.

"...I don't mind telling Satou-sama, but please keep this to yourself. The advisor's name was Ragcraft. He was a capable advisor and was considered as the right hand man of my father."

According to Revi, this Ragcraft was so well regarded that he personally saw over many important projects even before King Elroad left for his trip.

As for why such a big shot suddenly disappeared…

"Well, rather than telling Satou-sama… I should just show you Ragcraft's journal, which we found in his room in a hidden compartment in his desk."

Revi got up, retrieved a slim, leather bound book from his desk, and gave it to me.

I opened the journal and read from the part Revi wanted to show me.

"...! This is…!"

I couldn't believe what I was reading.

"That's right, Satou-sama. Ragcraft turned out to be a spy for the Devil King army. It seems that he had the ability to shapeshift his looks, and has infiltrated the royal family for years. To think that such a dangerous person was controlling us behind the scenes… Ragcraft had the whole country in the palm of his hands..."

It was a big shock for Revi who had been living a sheltered life until that point.

He had always been reliant on the advisors and the grown ups around him to take care of the responsibilities he had been given as the Prince of Elroad.

While spending his days fooling around, he let Ragcraft, an enemy, infiltrate his country's affairs without even suspecting anything.

"...After we found out about Ragcraft's true identity, I started to take my duties seriously… W-Well, I'm trying the best I can, but the country is still in this state. I'm the 'idiot prince' after all…"

He hung his head.

"Aside from Revi's incompetence, is there another reason why the citizens of Elroad call Revi the 'idiot prince'? It seems that they disprove of you for other reasons…"

When I heard the attendants whisper among themselves, they didn't seem to have a good opinion of Revi and often gossiped about him.

Even though he was the crown prince of this nation, they referred to him derisively.

"Satou-sama sure doesn't mince his words. Did Satou-sama notice how I have red hair when most nobles and royalty have blond hair?"

Darkness, Iris, Jatis and even Claire and Rain had blond/blonde hair.

I noticed that Revi stood out with his red hair, but I didn't know that it would actually mean anything.

"Not only was I not born with the blond hair characteristic of royalty and nobles, I wasn't even gifted with any of the special abilities or talents that the royalty are blessed with. Royalty have the tradition of having heroes or great people marry into their bloodline to keep it strong. After all, royalty are supposed to represent the best of humanity. In fact, these heroes are obligated to marry into the royal family."

"Ah, that's right. I was actually supposed to marry Iris, but I declined. I had to do this stupid tournament thing to determine who would marry Iris instead of me."

"There are alternate measures like that to preserve the honor and dignity of the royalty who was rejected. Otherwise, they would be seen as used goods. Belzerg makes the hero who rejected the princess or prince fight in a gladiatorial tournament, while Elroad takes more refined measures. We settle it in the casinos."

He raised his nose snootily.

Even though Iris was already engaged to Revi, once a suitable hero showed up, that contract was, at least for a moment, nulled without any diplomatic repercussions.

And even when I rejected the tradition to marry into the royal family, all that tournament stuff was still necessary to preserve Iris's value as a political marriage pawn. Royal politics sure are convoluted.

"Anyways, long story short, I didn't inherit any talents from the great scientists or poets or heroes of war that made up my ancestry. And I was even born with this red hair. So I've been treated as an outcast of sorts. And that's why people call me 'idiot prince'... Haha…"

Revi did a self-deprecating laugh.

"Is Revi sure he's not called the 'idiot prince' because he used to live extravagantly and even made his knights fight the monsters he'd collect for fun, while letting his shady advisors handle all his responsibilities?"

"Satou-sama _really_ doesn't mince his words, does he?!"

Maybe I said too much.

He sighed,

"Well, it's alright. I owe a lot to Satou-sama, after all. Satou-sama, to me, is an inspiration. Even though Satou-sama is a talentless loser like myself, he still accomplished great deeds and became the hero who defeated the Devil King."

"...Um, thanks?"

He was looking at me with admiration despite casually calling me a 'talentless loser'...

"And if it weren't for Satou-sama defeating the Devil King… In the journal, I read that there were plans to assassinate the 'idiot prince'. After Ragcraft didn't have any use for me anymore as a puppet, he would quietly dispose of me. But when Ragcraft's boss, the Devil King, died in the hands of Satou-sama, Ragcraft panicked and abandoned his post in a hurry. Satou-sama's actions saved me…"

He glanced away shyly.

Ah, what a cute child.

"Why couldn't Revi have been born a girl? I would have liked another little sister character who admires me."

"That's kind of disgusting, Satou-sama!"

"...Hm, then maybe not a 'little sister' but… How about a 'little brother'?"

"...! R-Really, Satou-sama?!"

I had a little brother back in Japan.

While we became estranged as we both grew up, I do remember being quite close when we were younger.

While being reminded of those nostalgic days in Japan…

"Then, instead of calling me 'Satou-sama' all the time, why don't you try calling me 'nii-san'?"

"Can… Can I really? Then… Nii-san…"

He looked at me with upturned eyes while blushing.

"..."

"Eh? Nii-san? What's with that face?"

"I already have a girlfriend, so please don't do that again. That was dangerous."

"Ehhh?!"

I suddenly got myself a little brother.

…

 **...**

 **Interlude: Windry-chan's diary**

 **Entry # 1**

Dear, diary.

It's my first time writing on you, so introductions are in order!

Hellooooo~!

Nice to meet you~! I'm Windry-chan~!

Tee-hee!

I'm a beautiful 16 year old girl. I'm the youngest daughter of the super influential Florentia noble family.

My daddy is this big shot advisor to the King himself. He even brings me along to work sometimes!

And this daddy of mine says that I'm the cutest girl in this country… And he's 100% correct! Tee-hee!

I mean, look at these lovely blonde curls of mine, and my big blue eyes…

My amazing bodyline and modest, perky breasts...

I'm such a hottie!

I'm so lovely that I even caught the crown prince's eye, yanno~! Fufufun~

...Well, he's just an idiot prince so who cares if he likes me or not.

It'd be cool if I became a princess or something in the future, though~

I guess that option is always open for me!

Fufun. It's so hard to be so beautiful and popular. Sigh…

Anyways, so I'm totally writing this diary to document my thoughts about this little field trip I'm planning!

Ano ne… So there's like this really creepy cave that's really becoming popular recently, right?

All my friends are talking about it.

It's this spooky little cave that's supposed to have, like, this really strong monster inside.

Well, the monster doesn't seem to be very active though~ It never even leaves the cave.

Since it seems safe enough to take a quick peek inside, I decided to give this place a tour!

That way I can show off to all my friends!

Let Windry-chan's test of courage… begin!

 **Entry # 2**

So apparently this place is really dangerous, even for the strongest adventurers in Elroad.

Even if I wanted to hire some as bodyguards, there's no one interested in doing it.

Geez, why can't we just get those strong guys from Belzerg to come help us or something?!

They have to travel a week on carriage to make it here? Who cares!

Aren't there a lot of hottie, ikemen-type adventurers in Belzerg?

Give me those guys instead of these wimps who are too scared to go inside a little cave!

Since it's like that, my daddy really had to bring out the Eris to get these wimps to come with me.

I love my daddy! He's so sweet to me!

Chuuuuu~!

I don't even mind that he steals my underwear sometimes and comes to my room at night to watch me sleep!

...Really, I don't mind at all.

 **Entry # 3**

Today is the day of the expedition in that spooky cave!

Yay~!

I'm so excited!

I bragged to all my friends, and they begged me to bring them along.

Mou~ Well, it's okie~!

Windry-chan has a generous heart, yanno?

And it's better to have a test of courage with a bunch of people~

Aside from me there's Leona-chan, Victoria-chan and Lisbeth-chan.

Oh, and a bunch of meathead adventurers, too.

Gee, these guys are a bunch of deadbeats.

They can't make their own money and lost all their assets in the casinos, so they have to do this kind of rough, dirty work just to pay their debt.

That's what daddy told me about adventurers.

These unruly guys better not think about doing anything funny to us while we're in the cave!

The cave is located quite a ways from the capital.

We had to travel there by carriage.

The outside of the cave didn't look all that special.

I was bummed out but I kept myself optimistic.

The henchmen my daddy hired told us to stay behind them while they went ahead and scouted the cave.

Apparently there were a bunch of traps and dangerous things inside.

A skinny guy who was lightly clothed went ahead and disabled them.

We advanced carefully with the skinny guy scouting ahead.

I kept my eyes peeled for the mysterious monster.

Leona-chan and Victoria-chan were so scared that they were clinging onto my dress and jumping at every little noise.

As for Lisbeth-chan, she was completely oblivious to the atmosphere and kept flirting with one of the adventurers the whole time.

They ditched us and went off somewhere while we were exploring.

Lisbeth-chan is such a slut.

I-I'm not jealous or anything.

The inside of the cave was spacious.

We were told to watch our footing, but the ground was even and easy to walk on.

We didn't see any stalactites or any crazy looking rock formations.

Rather than a cave, this dark and cold place reminded me of the wine cellar in our estate.

When I thought of it like that, wasn't this place kind of boring?

Just when I was getting really bored of this whole thing, Lisbeth-chan and the adventurer she went off somewhere to make out with suddenly caught up with us.

They were out of breath and seemed to be panicking about something.

Um… If I remember correctly, Lisbeth-chan was saying something like, "We found something really weird! There's a person! A person was trapped inside a glass prison!"

We thought that maybe someone came here to check out the cave like we were, and that they got trapped here somehow.

We followed Lisbeth-chan as she lead us to the secret room they found.

Apparently, they accidentally pressed a hidden button somewhere on the wall, and that the whole wall opened up, leading to this secret room.

This is the kind of exciting thing I was looking forward to!

The wall was still open when we got back.

We carefully entered.

The secret room was totally different from the rest of the cave.

The walls were painted a plain white. There were magical items on the ceiling that emitted light as soon as we came in.

There were some weird thingies that flashed light and went 'beep beep boop boop!' if you came near them.

They're kind of scary so let's not touch them~

There was a big cabinet but it seemed to be protected by a lock of some sort.

It kept asking us for a password.

We couldn't open it with brute strength so we left it alone.

We had to keep going a bit further in, but finally we saw the trapped person…

A girl… A rather beautiful girl…

She had black hair and white skin.

Her eyes were closed.

She was wearing a black, skintight bodysuit.

Like Lisbeth-chan said, this girl was trapped inside what appeared like a glass prison.

There was some kind of weird liquid inside the glass, too.

The shape reminded me of the fat part part of a wine bottle.

But how did she get here in the first place, I wondered.

Don't tell me the monster trapped her here?!

Poor girl!

We tried opening the glass thingy with brute force, but, like the cabinet, it wouldn't budge.

A guy even tried hitting it with his sword but his sword just bounced off the glass uselessly.

Ehh~ Don't tell me these guys are weak?

We looked around the room to try and see if there was anything we could use to free the girl.

We found this black book, but the words inside were written all weird… We couldn't read it!

I decided to keep it as a souvenir anyways.

While we were looking around, that skinny guy who disabled the traps earlier said that we should leave, and he was really serious and panicked about it, too.

A skill of his called Detect Enemy was activating.

The monster was near…!

" _Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Hostiles not identified as facility research staff are detected! Coolness check: ….Not found. No pose detected. Edginess meter: ...0%. Bio-scanners show that hostiles do not possess Crimson Demon DNA. All clear to engage!"_

I wanted to take a quick look at the monster, but I changed my mind when it made all these scary noises!

Kyaaa~! How scary~!

We didn't want to take our chances with this scary monster.

We immediately retreated.

 **Entry #4**

Uwaa~

That was fun, but also really scary~!

The adventurers escorted us back to the capital.

Lisbeth-chan and that adventurer were making out in the carriage the entire trip back.

Lisbeth-chan is such a slut.

Once the adventurers dropped us off, they told us that they would report to the guild about the girl we found.

Since the book I took could have some important clues inside, they had me give it to them.

Bunch of meanies!

Well, it's alright. I'm pretty satisfied with their services after all!

That field trip was way too fun!

When I got back home and told daddy all about my adventure, he didn't seem to believe me.

He thought I was making it up!

After dinner I went upstairs and now I'm finishing up this entry!

Uwaa~! That was way too fun!

And writing a diary is pretty fun, too~!

Maybe I'll keep writing on you, diary-san?

Fufun!

Now, where shall I have my next field trip?

…

…

 **Chapter 27 END**

 **Next Chapter: A Resurrection for this Legendary Crimson Demon!**


	30. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28: A Resurrection for this Legendary Crimson Demon!**

 **Editing and supervision: LordVTP and Marv**

 **Part 1**

There was a good vibe in the streets of Elroad once news of the Golden Dragon and Cream Puff Fairy Queen's defeat by the hands of Belzerg's heroes spread around.

Our approval rating went up.

This news was reported to us the next morning by one of Revi's advisors, who was an expert in the state of mind of the common folk.

That is to say, he was the eavesdropping type.

My companions puffed their chests out in pride.

"Fufun! It was all thanks to the contributions of the great me. What's a monster to a goddess? That's right, nothing."

"It was a shame that the Cream Puff Fairy Queen wasn't actually a giant cream puff like I expected, but this victory will make up for my disappointment."

Aqua and Megumin were feeling good about themselves despite being the ones who were taken out first.

We were having breakfast at Revi's palace.

Before us was an array of fruits, cheeses and light pancake-like pastries.

There were also some exotic juices offered.

"Kazuma, you may have dealt the finishing blow, but there is no doubt that I was the MVP of that fight. I was the one who performed the noble duty of the vanguard and kept the Queen occupied while Kazuma charged up his spell…"

"What Darkness is saying is true, but if you had any skill with a weapon whatsoever, we wouldn't have had as much trouble as we did."

"Kuh! Ruthless with your words as always! I'm… I'm trying to improve in that area! It's not like I enjoy missing my targets all the time!"

So this Baka-sader says, but I don't see any improvement at all.

"Please don't be discouraged, Lalatina! After all, Lalatina was the one who trained me in combat when I was young! As your pupil, I'm proud to see how much my teacher has improved!"

"Princess Iris…!"

Why is the student encouraging the teacher?

"Iris, don't spoil this one. If you say that to her, she'll go back to her muscle training like always while not improving in the area she should improve the most!"

"At least allow me to enjoy a bit of praise!"

"Onii-sama, please stop this cruelty towards Lalatina! Her technique has improved! In the battle with the Cream Puff Fairy Queen, her strikes were landing close enough that the Queen was in a panic and feared for her life! If it was the Lalatina from before, her strikes would have landed about half a meter away from the target and the enemy wouldn't have even registered her as a threat at all!"

"U… Um, thanks… Princess Iris…"

"No problem!"

Iris smiled brightly, in contrast to her words that cut deeper than mine did.

Revi appeared a bit later.

"Ah, everyone! I hope you're enjoying your breakfast!"

He came in with a group of attendants behind him.

It must be a pain to have attendants and palace staff around you at all times.

"Your highness, I have informed the heroes about the fruits of their great labor."

"Thank you, Florentia-dono."

The advisor who told us of our rising approval ratings among the people didn't waste any time reporting his contributions to Revi.

Even though I had felt this same guy derisively looking at us in the past, he was now calling us heroes and flattering us at every turn.

Nobles sure are shameless.

I should take care not to turn into this rotten kind of noble.

...Well, in regards to my treatment of Iris, aren't I acting like one of these nobles hanging around Revi right now?

During the trip to Elroad, I limited her freedom and treated her more like a political pawn than a little sister…

She wanted to play and try all kinds of food with her rare opportunity to go outside of the palace walls, and I ruined it for her.

What kind of onii-chan am I?!

I should have a talk with her later and properly apologize.

As I resumed the train of thought I had last night, Revi, instead of taking a seat to join us for breakfast, put on a serious look.

"Everyone, actually, I hate to interrupt your breakfast, but there is an urgent matter we need to discuss… It is about the last remaining monster of Elroad's 'Top 3 strongest monsters'..."

The mysterious monster in the mysterious cave.

I still didn't know what the deal was with that thing.

Can a suspicious existence with such a vague nature really be considered as one of this country's strongest monsters?

"Hey, didn't our approval rating already go all the way up? So it's fine to leave this cave monster thing be, right?"

Aqua sensed that Revi would try to pile more work on us and sighed as she munched on some grapes.

"If it's just a cave, I can simply blow it up."

"That… That won't be necessary, Crimson Demon-sama!"

The advisors started panicking at Megumin's half-joking, half-serious remark.

"Indeed, the people would certainly agree to a renewed partnership with Belzerg with their approval rating as high as it is. There is no need to slay the third and last monster. However, this is a separate matter. Rather than talking about this here, shall we go to the throne room? I have a guest waiting there."

Sensing Revi's serious mood, we obediently followed him to the throne room.

 **Part 2**

The guest he mentioned was standing before the throne. She bowed once she saw us.

"The heroes from Belzerg… Thank you for your hard work."

"Eh? Is that you, Luna-san?"

"Luna… Could it be that the hero-sama is acquainted with my cousin?"

Before us was an exact replica of Luna-san, the guild receptionist who worked at the Axel branch.

It seems that Luna-san, who we were indebted to for taking care of us as rookies, has a cousin here in Elroad, who also works as an adventurer's guild receptionist.

She looked like Luna-san, but her hair was a bit longer and fell (parted) down to her shoulders and she looked a bit younger. And her features weren't nearly as 'advanced'.

...I won't mention that 'younger' part to Luna-san.

Rather, for there to be a Luna-san look-alike in Elroad's adventurer's guild…

Is Luna-san the Nurse J*y of this world?

"Lina-san here works for the adventurer's guild in the capital city… She will explain the details to you."

"Thank you, Prince Revi. I will get right to it. Yesterday, some adventurers escorted a group of noble ladies into the mysterious cave with the mysterious monster residing within it. The noble ladies wanted to go down there as a test of courage or some sort…"

"Fufu. One of those noble ladies is my lovely daughter, Windry-chan. Ah, Prince Revi, my daughter sends her regards…"

"Oh! How kind of her! Tell Windry-san I said 'hi' back! Hehe…"

"Fufu, yes I will, Prince Revi. Ufufu…"

Ah, so this Windry-chan is the daughter of this Florentia guy?

That must mean that the 'daughter of an advisor', who Revi told me he had his eye on recently, was this Windry-chan.

His reaction says it all.

Lina-san went on.

"The test of courage lead by Lady Windry has inadvertently led to the discovery of a secret room in the cave…"

A secret room in the mysterious cave where a mysterious monster resided.

How extraordinarily vague.

Revi spoke after Lina-san.

"The secret room, based on the reports, appeared to be a research facility of sorts, and it seems that a scientific research project of sorts was being conducted there. It's possible that my father would know about this, but as he isn't here, and such a project would probably have been kept confidential. We are sorting through the kingdom's archives right now, so that will take some time."

"Wait, if it's just exploring this secret room, then why do we have to get involved? Just send your lackeys to take a look!"

Aqua was saying something irresponsible.

"Please remember that the cave contains a mysterious monster that has slain strong adventurers in the past! It was considered as one of the three strongest monsters in the nation, after all! It is so strong that no one has managed to provide a proper physical description of it yet. We only know that there is simply a powerful monster in that cave…"

Then why did a group of noble ladies think it was a good idea to have a Test of Courage there?

I couldn't help but glance blankly at this Florentia-san who was the father of that Windry girl.

"As Prince Revi said, the mysterious monster is dangerous, but it is rarely active. It only is more of a guardian of the cave than an actual threat, and it will produce loud sounds to scare intruders away rather than immediately engaging. If this was simply a scouting mission to explore the secret room, I wouldn't bother the heroes of Belzerg about this. However, there seems to be a civilian imprisoned in that secret room, and despite numerous attempts, we couldn't break the glass prison she's trapped in."

I see. So this went beyond a simple exploration quest.

It was a rescue quest.

"Could it be possible that this person was a human experiment of some kind?"

With sparkling eyes, Megumin asked such a question.

What she's saying would have been horrible if it was true, but this chuuni was still getting excited.

"H-Human experiment…"

Darkness was also getting needlessly excited.

"We can't rule out that possibility. Of course, human experimentation is illegal here in Elroad, as it always has been, but every nation has its dark secrets…"

The mood got tense.

"The only clue we have so far is this black book. It was found in the cave by Lady Windry."

"As expected of my girl! So capable!"

Lord Florentia got excited about his daughter's achievements as Lina-san handed me a black book.

"The contents are written in code… Or perhaps another language? In any case, none of us at the guild have been able to decipher it."

"Ah, isn't this the code of the Crimson Demons?"

"Eh?!"

Megumin instantly noticed the strange letters inside.

Crimson Demons were a troublesome lot who had to display their chuuni in every occasion.

The letters and memos they sent to each other were often written in code or made invisible with minor magic.

The letter Yunyun received from the village chief had a hidden message under the 'Illusory Script' spell.

Incidentally, I had also learned this magic to make an indirect confession to Megumin.

...L-Let's forget those embarrassing memories!

"Eh? Kazuma, why is your face heating up? Do you have a fever?"

Before I knew it, Megumin was right next to me and looking up at my face.

"M-Megumin-san, we're in public… Please be gentle."

"...? What are you talking about? Give me the book, I'll decipher the code."

"Oh. Right."

I gave the book to the eager Megumin, who excitedly deciphered the code.

Crimson Demons really like this kind of stuff, huh…

As we gave Megumin time to decipher the code, Florentia-san started schmoozing it up to Darkness, who is now a noble influential enough to be known even in foreign countries.

Well, we were all well-known nobles to begin with, but while we were 'new money', the Dustiness familia had always been held in high regard.

I was also approached by Lina-san.

"I'm very curious as to how Luna-nee is doing. Ah, but of course I know that she's doing great. She's the reliable Luna-nee, after all!"

Based on her behavior, it was obvious that Lina-san held her cousin in high regard.

"Yes, Luna-san has done well to _service_ me in the past. She made sure to give the _VIP treatment_ to a prominent adventurer like myself. She took _very_ good care of me. She'd accept my unreasonable requests and didn't even mind when I made a mess…"

"S-Satou-sama is talking about the professional relationship between guild staff and adventurer, right?! Surely this isn't anything illicit?! Or maybe the way the guild works in Belzerg is different from the guilds in Elroad?!"

"Oh? Is Lina-san saying that Elroad's guild staff don't provide _special_ service for VIP adventurers? Oh, my. I don't know what to say about this."

"S-Sorry! Even if that's a custom there… I can't! As expected of Luna-san… She'll even put her body on the line if it's for her work…!"

This Lina-san seems to have an overactive imagination.

Though it was probably my fault for intentionally saying suggestive things to provoke her.

"Lina-san is pretty cute."

"...Wait, Satou-sama is teasing me, isn't he! Geez~!"

"Ah, stooop, that huuurts~! Haha~!"

"Don't tease me, Satou-sama~!"

She didn't seem all that mad, though.

Perhaps Lina-san is the type who likes to be teased by guys?

"Ahem."

However, my current girlfriend, Megumin-sama, didn't seem to find my teasing of Lina-san all too amusing.

"...I'd advise you to back off from my man."

"I-I wasn't making a move on Satou-sama or anything! Eeep!"

Despite being Luna-san's cousin, Lina-san's personality was too different.

"I'm done cracking the code, Kazuma."

Megumin went to a study to translate the code, but she came back sooner than I expected.

"So, what was written in the book?"

"It would be easier if you all read it. Here's the translation."

She handed me a pile of paper held together in a binder.

We all crowded around it and read along.

Megumin's handwriting was neat and actually somewhat refined, but…

"Oi, what is this? I can barely read this."

"Eh? What's wrong? This is how we were taught to write in school."

It was heavily stylized.

I didn't even know one could write this kind of gothic font without machine assistance.

It took me a bit to get used to it, but I was eventually able to read the translation.

 _...In a certain place, in a certain time, there was a certain girl who would certainly become a child of destiny… This much was certain._

"Why is there so much 'certain'?!"

It was only the first sentence and I was already getting pissed.

"Onii-sama, you must calm down! You're tearing the paper!"

I took a deep breath and resumed reading.

 _This certain child of destiny hailed from a clan of powerful demons, a clan feared for their magical prowess. They are characterized by their bright, crimson eyes, hair as black as the night, and skin as pale as the snow… They are known as the 'Crimson Demons'..._

 _...Among this clan of dangerous demons there was a certain girl… Even among a clan of geniuses, she rose above them all in power, intellect, and beauty… From a young age, she saw the potential in herself, even when others couldn't… No, they refused to see it. Yes… This extraordinarily gifted girl was the one from the prophecy…! She was the 'Legendary Crimson Demon, Fuwarin!'_

 _...Yes, that's me. I am Fuwarin. One who will become the Legendary Crimson Demon..._

"...What the hell is a Fuwarin?"

"Fuwarin is quite a common name for us Crimson Demons, but it is quite old fashioned. There are a lot of grannies in the village with the name Fuwarin."

"So it's something like 'Sachiko' or 'Etsuko'? No, even if you say it's 'common', it still sounds weird. Rather, is there really such a thing as the 'Legendary Crimson Demon'?"

"The 'Legendary Crimson Demon'... Ah, when I was a child, my mother told me that if I worked hard enough, I could one day grow up to become the 'Legendary Crimson Demon'."

So, it's the equivalent of 'You'll surely become the Prime Minister of Japan when you grow up!'

One of those fibs parents tell their kids to encourage them to chase after lofty dreams.

We skipped the more superfluous parts of what seemed to be this Fuwarin-san's journal of delusions.

Finally, we came across something interesting.

 _The Bomber Majin Moguninin that is guarding the village happened to notice me when I was doing my daily magic training. .._

"...Oi, what the hell is a Moguninin?"

"Moguninin is Moguninin."

Megumin said, as if that was enough to explain things.

"It is the guardian of the Crimson Demon village. It lurks in the woods surrounding the village and will attack anyone who isn't a Crimson Demon."

"Then wasn't it strange that Maouko's army could camp deep into the woods during her invasion without this supposed guardian intervening?"

"The Moguninin's movements are random. It could have been lurking in another part of the woods. Furthermore, the Bomber Majin Moguninin is very cool, and I view it as a rival of sorts. It is known to possess a form of Explosion magic and will blow up any intruder that is not a Crimson Demon on sight. Combined with its mobility and ability to hide its presence, it is indeed a formidable opponent."

"...I can tell you're excited, but there's no need to drool. And I still don't know what the hell a Moguninin is."

Aqua leaned over my shoulder and pointed to the paper,

"Ah, look, the story is getting interesting!"

We're doing proper investigative work here, can't you tell, Aqua-san? Please don't treat this like it's a bedtime story.

Nonetheless, I followed Aqua's finger and read on from there,

 _...The Moguninin… the guardian of this village… It has chosen me?! It recognizes my potential to surpass the limitations of a mortal magic user?! C-Could I really be the 'Legendary Crimson Demon' after all?! W-Well, of course I am! Haha! I never had any doubts! G-Geez, Moguninin-kun! If I'm the Legendary Crimson Demon, you should have just told me earlier? I guess I can't complain though! Fuwahahaha!_

 _...Um, now what? The Moguninin said that it's making a report to the country of Noise… Wahh… Maybe I'm going to meet the creator of us Crimson Demons? Shall I call him otou-san?_

"...Creator? There's someone known as the 'Creator of the Crimson Demons'? And what is this country called Noise?"

"Kazuma, this could all be a delusion at this point. Don't believe everything you read."

"Ah, for me fall for a typical Crimson Demon delusion that even Aqua saw through. I need to be more vigilant."

"Oi, why do you people not believe the words of my fellow clansman?"

We all dismissed the obvious chuuni delusions.

 _With this undeniable proof from the village's guardian itself, the others had no choice but to acknowledge me as a superior being! Yes, this is the sort of treatment I was waiting for! No longer will I be called the 'NEET with her head in the clouds and who does nothing but fight the monsters in the woods all day'._

 _They're even holding a festival for me? How nice of them! Ah, one of the black haired and black eyed tourists, who are temporarily staying in the village, made a miniature statuette of me! I'm honored!_

 _...Why does this thing have cat ears though?_

 _The party was so much fun, but I have to leave now. The Moguninin sent a message to the country of Noise, but apparently the Creator of the Crimson Demons wasn't in Noise right now. He went over to the neighboring country of Elroad on a business trip, and he asked us to come there so he can meet me personally!_

 _So, Moguninin-kun and I will be travelling to Elroad now!_

"So that's how she ended up here."

Darkness said thoughtfully as I flipped to the next few pages.

But there were only a bunch of doodles in the next pages and the entries stopped there.

 **Part 3**

We didn't know what to make of Fuwarin-san's journal.

"I see… So that's how it is…"

The only one pretending to understand was Megumin.

"This might all be chuuni-talk, but it is a fact that a girl assumed to be Fuwarin-san is trapped in a glass capsule in that laboratory."

Revi nodded to my words.

"Nii-san is right. We could always just ask Fuwarin-san about her story once she is rescued, but retrieving her is our priority right now."

"...Eh? Prince Revi… What did you just call onii-sama?"

Iris, who had been quietly listening so far, spoke up on something unrelated.

"Um… I called him nii-san."

"..."

Eh?

Why is Iris glaring at me?

"I'm the only little sister onii-sama needs!"

"Eh? But I'm not trying to be his little sister! I'm his little brother, OK?!"

"Oi! Onii-sama! I don't mind losing the contest for your affection that Megumin-san and I once had, but I won't lose as a little sister to this spoiled AF prince!"

"Eh?! Nii-san, what is this brute of a sister saying?!"

Iris was letting out all of her pent-up emotions.

And what was that about losing to Megumin?

Uwa…

I had my suspicions, but it was really like that, huh?

So that's why she went through a fit once I told her I was dating Megumin.

And it didn't help that I acted strict towards her during the trip to Elroad that she was looking forward to.

"So it wasn't PMS, after all."

"I told you onii-sama, it was never about PMS! Geez!"

I was only making her more angry with my careless remarks.

I'm not trying to act like an uncaring jerk here.

It's just hard for me to say what I really feel!

I can't even be honest to myself, so why am I expected to be honest with others!

Thankfully, Darkness came to save the day.

"Let's calm down for now, Princess Iris…"

"Hmph!"

She took Iris aside to try and calm her down.

"...Um, perhaps I said too much, nii-san."

"No, I can't really blame Revi for reacting when he was called a 'spoiled AF prince'."

"What does 'AF' even mean?"

"..."

It's clear now that Iris's recent rebellious attitude was entirely my fault.

I resolved not to corrupt another member of the royalty by teaching them weird things.

…

...

Revi lent us his royal carriages once more for our trip to the cave.

The people who saw us in the streets of the capital cheered as we passed by.

The critics were nowhere to be seen.

"This is looking good! Once we rescue that girl, that means our job here is done and we can go home!"

Aqua was in good spirits and was taking it easy as she munched on the treats Revi gave us for the trip.

"Aqua, please don't forget that we will have to report to his majesty once we have succeeded with our mission. We will need to stop by the capital first. And there is also the manner of the ceremony to officially make the three of you nobles…"

The king sent us here in this diplomatic mission partly because of the controversy I caused with Claire and Lucie.

The ceremony to give us noble status was postponed until we completed this diplomatic mission, so that the people wouldn't have any problems with a controversial figure such as myself rising to nobility.

"M-May I just say… It is truly an honor to be in the company of such important people! I'll try not to drag everyone down!"

A rather skinny guy whose gear immediately gave one the impression that he had the Thief class, bowed to us while saying those humbled words.

This fellow was one of the adventurers who escorted Lady Windry and her friends.

Since his party was the one who discovered the secret room, while also dissembling the traps himself, he would be our guide for this rescue mission.

"Please raise your head. We will make sure to protect you should anything happen, so please, feel free to use me as a meat shield and as disposable bait you can abandon at anytime to ensure your own personal safety…"

"Um... Eh? Thank you?"

He didn't know how to handle Darkness at all.

"Now, now! There's no need to worry! Nom, nom. We are capable adventurers after all! Nom, nom. We can take on any opponent as long as they're not Giant Toads! Nom, nom."

Aqua made a questionable boast as she was talking with her mouth full of dango.

"...! Amazing! As expected of the heroes of Belzerg! But… Giant Toads? Aren't those supposed to be weak monsters?"

"That's not true. The Giant Toads in Belzerg are powerful creatures. They are impervious to any attack and their skillful tongue can catch any prey… Even if the prey is moving at the speed of light!"

"Is that really true, Crimson Demon-sama?!"

"Oi, knock it off you two."

I stopped Aqua and Megumin from filling this poor guy's head with nonsense.

"..."

Meanwhile, our little ace and secret weapon, Iris, was sulking.

"...Iris, I already apologized. Please forgive me. I didn't know you'd take offense to that."

"...Hmph!"

Iris pouted and turned her head away from me.

"I've never seen Princess Iris act so defiantly before…"

As Darkness said, this was the first time I've seen Iris act so willful.

"...I'm the only little sister that onii-sama needs… Hmph!"

Crossing her little arms, Iris said these words that broke the 'obedient little sister' image I had of her.

"Um, Iris does know that Revi can't be a 'little sister', right? He's my little brother now. Please get along with your brother."

"..."

She refused to meet my eyes.

"You shouldn't force the issue, Kazuma. You two can talk it out by yourselves later."

Megumin said, and as she was used to dealing with young girls as the elder sister of the willful Komekko, I took her advice readily.

"Hero-sama, we are here."

The coachman said as the horses outside slowed down into a steady gallop, and then stopped in their tracks completely.

"Let's head out and get this over with."

Aqua popped the last of her dango into her mouth and filed out of the door as the coachman opened it for us.

He helped the girls step down one by one, with me and our guide stepping down last.

"Ah, by the way, for your own safety, you should tell us your name."

I asked our thief guide as we, with the exception of the coachman, headed to the entrance of the cave.

"Eh? My name? It's Flint."

"Alright, Flint. Your chance of survival just increased, but please be careful in there."

"U-Um… Please tell me why me telling you my name increases my chance to survive?"

"Nevermind that. Are you planning to get married soon? Or do you have a baby on the way?"

"Um… No, I don't even have a girlfriend."

"Good, good. Just in case, please don't say anything like: "Ah, the monster hasn't showed up yet. This quest is easier than I thought!", or anything stupid like that. Please don't trigger such obvious flags."

"Eh? I don't really get it, but sure."

While taking care of this important matter, I let Flint go ahead and lead us into the cave.

"Farsight."

Even when we had a guide, I used the night vision ability of the Archer skill Farsight and examined the surroundings thoroughly.

Aqua also had night vision but she was busy chatting it up with Darkness and Megumin, not taking our job seriously at all.

"Scout Sense…"

Every so often, Flint would tell us to wait while he closed his eyes.

I asked him to tell me about this skill he used.

"It's a radar skill available to thieves that resembles a bat's echolocation. It's useful for scouting areas ahead and checking for enemies and traps. One could say that it's an upgraded version of the Detect Enemy skill."

"Alright, please teach me that skill."

"Eh? Satou-sama is of the Thief class as well?"

I had Flint teach me this useful skill.

"Kazuma, you're really getting addicted to collecting all kinds of skills. But don't you dare learn any healing or Priest skills! I won't hand you my role so easily!"

Aqua said this as she felt like her place in the party was disappearing.

"It's not like I have Aqua's high stats and magic power. If I do learn Priest skills, I'll have to settle for the weak to mid-tier healing and buff spells."

"Ah, then if it's like that, then that's OK, I think?"

She was upset before, but instantly recovered. So easy.

 **Part 4**

"And this is the wall… And if you press here…"

Flint was looking for a hidden button on the cave wall.

"...Ah! There it is!"

With a click, a large section of the wall opened before us.

"Ack! The light, it burns!"

We covered our eyes as bright light flowed out of the hidden entrance.

"Scout Sense… All clear. Please follow me."

Flint used Scout Sense once more before we stepped inside.

Looking inside the secret room, it looked to be a stereotypical hidden laboratory.

The walls and roof were painted a complete white. There were strange machines by the walls that went 'beep boop boop' and emitted bright lights.

Everything here was mana-powered, but this was probably the most modern tech I've seen in this world.

Well, I was basing this from appearances alone. It's not like I knew what purpose those machines served other than flashing weird lights and going 'beep boop boop'.

"There are a lot of cabinets and such that we can't open here. They are resistant to physical attacks, so we couldn't open them with brute force."

Flint explained as we came upon a locked cabinet.

"Please enter the password… Beep beep boop."

There was a pin pad on the cabinet and a mechanical voice activated when we came near.

The pin pad had a display screen and a series of numbers from 0-10, the respective numbered buttons had a different color each. 0 was white while 1 was red and 2 was yellow, etc.

"Have you guys tried putting in a random password?"

Flint shook his head to my question.

"We didn't want to trigger a trap, so we left it alone."

"I see… Open Lock."

I used the skill, Open Lock.

"Please enter the password… Beep beep boop."

Seriously, what's up with that 'beep beep boop'?

"I tried my Lockpicking skill before but that also didn't work."

"Hey, let's just leave this thing alone. I doubt it'll be useful to us anyways."

Aqua was getting bored and urged us to forget about this thing.

As I looked at Aqua…

"Most of the 'machines' and utilities in this world are powered by mana. So maybe Aqua's Spell Break will have an effect?"

This idea occurred to me while I looked at Aqua's bored face.

"Hm? You need the great Aqua-sama's assistance? Very well. Step aside."

We made way for Aqua as she made a big show of stretching and working herself up.

"Spell Break!"

We closed our eyes as a bright light filled the room from Aqua's Spell Break.

"Oi, you're putting too much power in it! Ah, the lights turned off."

The mana powered items that illuminated the room all turned off.

"Eh? Where'd all the lights go?"

"It's all your fault, stupid goddess. Oi, is everyone OK?"

"I can't see but… I feel something hard. Ah, this must be Darkness."

"This hardness… Ah, these must be the muscles of Lalatina."

"H-How rude! Well, it is me, but still, how rude!"

Megumin and Iris easily found Darkness.

"Please… enter the… password… beep… boop… boo…"

The pin pad mechanism powered down soon after.

There was a click and the cabinet doors opened.

I looked inside for anything useful.

"Let's see… Ah, there's some documents here."

I opened the contents, but even with the night vision of Farsight, it was hard to read the contents of the documents in the pitch-black darkness.

"Let's look over these later."

I put them inside my travel bag.

We advanced carefully as we followed Flint to where he found the glass capsule containing the girl who was likely to be Fuwarin.

As the others couldn't see in the dark, I gave them the rope I use for the Bind skill to hold onto.

We formed a line with Flint and I ahead, and Aqua at the very back. Aqua was there to make sure the others wouldn't get lost or left behind.

"It's kind of scary back here, Kazuma-san. It's so dark…"

Aqua was shivering in fear behind the line.

"I think the atmosphere is quite cool. When I heard that this was a secret laboratory, I imagined that the atmosphere would be much more eerie. Right now, these expectations of mine are fulfilled."

The only one who was enjoying this was Megumin.

"...Everyone, we're here."

Flint motioned for us to stop.

Pointing beside us, we followed Flint's finger.

Inside a glass capsule filled with bubbling, transparent green fluid was a girl with black hair and pale white skin.

There were a series of tubes that resembled electric wiring connected to the girl's black, skin tight bodysuit.

She was hovering in the fluid, looking as if she was suspended by the tube wiring.

"...Beep boop boop."

Of course, the machinery around the capsule made this annoying sound.

"It seems like this machine wasn't affected by my Spell Break. Should I cast it again?"

Aqua placed her hand on the glass.

Seeing us nod, Aqua's hand let out a bright light again.

"Spell… Break!"

The glass shattered.

"Everyone, get behind me!"

Darkness was quick to react, forming a wall in front of us.

"Wahhh! Darkness! Save me!"

Aqua also had high physical specs, so the glass shrapnel didn't damage her, but she still screamed her head off and hid behind Darkness.

The green fluid flooded around our feet. Since the machine was mana powered, I didn't have to worry about getting electrocuted, but just in case…

"Chasmic Mud Trap!"

Using an Intermediate level magic, I stopped the flood by filling the room with mud.

The original spell produces thick mud going up to the person's knees, a weaker version of Wiz's Bottomless Swamp spell.

But I held back my mana output so as not to restrict our movement.

"Yuck, Kazuma, was this really necessary?! This is absolutely filthy! Purification! Purification!"

I didn't know what Aqua meant to say by using 'Purification' on my spell, but I got pissed for some reason.

I picked up some of my mud and threw it at her.

"Hey! Why you… Take this!"

Before we could have a mud ball fight, Darkness stepped in between the mud we were throwing.

"Everyone! Please calm down and focus on the mission!"

"...! Onii-sama! Everyone! Look!"

I followed Iris's gaze.

The girl in the capsule began to move.

The slight, unconscious twitching of her body changed into deliberate movement.

One by one, she tore away from the wiring and tubes connected to her bodysuit.

"...Ughh… Hughh…"

She groaned as she staggered away from the destroyed capsule that contained her.

She looked up. Red eyes that glowed in the dark met my own.

Black hair, porcelain white skin, and red eyes…

She's a Crimson Demon. There's no doubt about it.

"Um… Are you… Fuwarin-san?

Aqua asked with an uneasy smile.

She turned to Aqua.

"Y-Yeah… Um, who are you people? Ugh, my legs feel wobbly. Mind if I sit down? ...Why is there so much mud everywhere? Create Golem. Golem Transmutation."

With a snap of her fingers, Fuwarin-san created a golem from the mud I produced. It took the form of a normal, humanoid golem at first, but then it transmuted into a simple chair.

What a useful spell combination…!

She sat on the golem-turned-chair unsteadily.

"I am Fuwarin. My calling is that of a Crimson Demon who once wished to become the Legendary Crimson Demon… Well, in the end, I turned out to be a fake and a failure."

She gave us a self-deprecatory smile while making that depressing introduction.

 **Part 5**

After a two week journey with the Moguninin, Fuwarin made it to where 'otou-san', the supposed creator of the Crimson Demons, was conducting his research at the time.

Excited to meet a person that was widely regarded by her people, Fuwarin ecstatically introduced herself as the 'Legendary Crimson Demon'.

" _...Sorry, but this unit is busted. It made a mistake. Wahh… I hope the other one that stayed in the village is functioning properly."_

" _...Eh?"_

Only to find out that the Moguninnin had a fault in its program.

" _So… My magical power and potential is…"_

" _Yeah, sorry. You're about average."_

Something inside Fuwarin-san broke.

At that moment...

What became a lifelong ambition to become the Legendary Crimson Demon became a fanatical obsession to seek the real thing.

She begged for the creator of the Crimson Demons to 'seal' her until the day when the Legendary Crimson Demon was discovered.

This Creator-san seemed to be the carefree type and chose to go along with Fuwarin's momentary whim.

" _Alright, alright. I'll let you play around with this 'seal' thing I just made. What a strange thing to ask for, but you came all this way so I guess I'll go along with it for now."_

He said these careless words.

As for why Fuwarin-san was trapped here for all this time…

" _Oh, but you actually caught me at a bad time. One of my inventions, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, is on a bit of a rampage, so I guess I'll have to come back and take a look inside it and fix it. I'll come back in a week to let you out. Enjoy your abandonment play in the meantime… Hey, come to think of it, that looks kind of fun? Mind if I try it when I get back?"_

...It turns out that this creator of the Crimson Demons was the same idiot who made the Mobile Fortress Destroyer and got trapped inside it, eventually dying inside his own disastrous creation.

Oi, just how did that guy pass on peacefully?

His skeleton even had a smile on its face?

After recounting those events to us…

We eventually told her the situation.

"Um… So… You're telling me… I've been in here for a really long time?"

Fuwarin-san was expecting that guy to come back after a week or so.

Obviously, since that guy was trapped in the Destroyer and watched as the country of Noise burned before him, he never had a chance to come back and free her.

"Yes… It's been many, many years since then."

Megumin, as a fellow clansman, felt that it was her responsibility to break the news.

"I… I see. So everyone in the village, by now… My mother, father… My friends…"

With deep shock painted on her face, streaks of tears started pouring down Fuwarin-san's cheeks.

"Kazuma, everyone… Can you give us a moment?"

We left the room at Megumin's request.

…

…

Once they came out again, Fuwarin-san seemed to be in a better mood.

Megumin was helping her walk since Fuwarin-san had effectively been immobile for decades now.

"I see… So the Crimson Demon clan is still prospering, and one of them even became a hero who would defeat the Devil King and achieve many wonderful things!"

"Yes, that's right, Fuwarin oba-san. The generation that succeeded you fulfilled the purpose given to us Crimson Demons."

"I see… I'm really glad, Megumin-chan."

Fuwarin-san showed a genuine smile as Megumin told her about the achievements of the Crimson Demons.

...Well, those were all the party's achievements, though. The other Crimson Demons don't really do anything too useful.

And why is Megumin calling Fuwarin-san 'oba-san'?

While they were talking, I had Flint go back to the capital and report our findings to Revi.

Meanwhile, I was reading the documents we found in the cabinet.

As for what this creator guy was researching here, Elroad commissioned him to find a way to produce unlimited luxury resources with his 'Creation' cheat.

The country of Elroad who cared a lot about wealth and luxury was interested in producing valuable items, like gold, endlessly.

I suppose they wanted him to make something that was like a 'Philosopher's Stone'.

Prior to meeting Fuwarin-san, through some kind of weird experiment, he somehow created two creatures that could produce an unlimited amount of luxury goods, the Golden Dragon and the Cream Puff Fairy Queen.

The outcome was not what Elroad envisioned, but he did manage to create a means to produce luxury items endlessly.

The Golden Dragon, whose scales were made out of gold and other precious stones and could keep shedding them endlessly.

The Cream Puff Fairy Queen, who could give birth to the luxury desserts known as Cream Puff Fairies as long as she had life energy.

But still…

"This guy is seriously such a pain in the ass!"

It turns out the three most dangerous monsters in this nation were all made by that guy.

Even the monster in this cave, which is the most dangerous monster in Elroad, turned out to be a creation of his as well, another variant of the Moguninin.

Obviously, with the exception of the Moguninin variant, the monsters had freed themselves from Elroad's control and escaped into the wilds.

What was that guy thinking by making such powerful, intelligent monsters?

"Was that guy not satisfied unless he screwed something up?! He's lucky that these monsters didn't try to turn Elroad into a ruin like the Destroyer did to Noise!"

"Um… I understand why Kazuma-san might say that, but please don't say those things about the creator of the Crimson Demons…"

Despite how this guy inadvertently had Fuwarin trapped down here for decades, she was still referring to him with respect.

"Fuwarin-san, about this 'creator of the Crimson Demons'... Can you please tell us more about how exactly he created the Crimson Demons?"

Darkness asked a question I was also curious about.

I always thought the Crimson Demons were… Well, a type of demon of some sort.

It seems that even the name of their race is just a chuuni frivolity.

"Crimson Demons were originally normal humans who volunteered for experiments intended to create super soldiers with well-beyond-average mana capacity and magic power. As for the red eyes that glow when one is excited, or the barcode tattoos inscribed in our bodies… The original Crimson Demons wanted those features to be added. They thought it would look cool."

...As expected of those chuuni.

Even their ancestors had this kind of problematic behavior, huh?

"I see. All this information has been lost in time. Our current generation believes that Crimson Demons are the spawn of the Devil King who would end up rebelling against him, and thus they were given magical powers by the gods in heaven along with their natural demonic powers to fight against the Devil King, who was originally their father..."

"No, I think you just made that up right now, Megumin."

I quickly retorted to her nonsensical scenario.

"Well, then. Now that that's been taken care of, let's bring Fuwarin-san to the capital, then we can head home ourselves!"

Aqua excitedly said this as she began heading towards the exit.

"...Please wait… I'd like to do something before I head back into society."

Fuwarin-san said, stopping Aqua in her tracks.

"Err… What now? Listen, we'll make sure you're taken care of and that you live your life in luxury. You can even come back to the Crimson Demon village if you want, so let's get a move on!"

Aqua was really eager to go home.

"...Please forgive my selfishness, but… I must confirm something."

Fuwarin-san looked directly at Megumin.

"Megumin-chan… If what you said about defeating the Devil King is true… I've been thinking… Couldn't that mean that you're the Legendary Crimson Demon?"

We all looked at Megumin.

"Well, I will gladly accept the title if it's given to me."

Megumin said this without hesitation.

We all looked at her blankly.

"Hey… Megumin is taking advantage of the situation to get one up over Yunyun, huh?"

"Yeah, isn't it obvious? She didn't even pretend that she didn't want the title. She pretty much said 'Please give it to me'."

"And what's the problem with wanting that cool title?!"

Megumin blushingly yelled as we whispered among ourselves.

"...Of course, I can't just give this title away to anyone. Megumin-chan needs to first prove that she is worthy."

Um… I don't want to be rude, but who said she was qualified to give away the title in the first place?

Of course, I kept these thoughts to myself.

 **Part 6**

"Please participate in my 'trial' to determine whether Megumin-chan really is the Legendary Crimson Demon..."

This was Fuwarin-san's request.

It didn't feel right to deny the request of the pitiful Fuwarin-san.

And Megumin was excited about this 'trial', anyways.

Before Fuwarin was sealed, she prepared a trial in this cave to test the real Legendary Crimson Demon.

"...My mind was out of sorts at the time, so I had all sorts of strange ideas about 'trials' and 'seals'... Haha…"

Fuwarin-san admitted this now that she was able to think more rationally.

"Still, I don't want to waste all of that preparation… And all of that time I wasted while I was sealed away from the world… I want to do this properly."

Yeah, we really couldn't deny such an earnest request.

Even so…

"Um, why do I have to participate, too?"

Alongside Megumin, I stood before the entrance of the 'labyrinth' that Fuwarin-san had created inside the cave before she was sealed.

The labyrinth was constructed with her patented Create Golem and Golem Transmutation spell combination.

She was able to make a labyrinth in this cave that resembled an area one could find in a high-level dungeon.

"For a Crimson Demon trial, there must always be one in the vanguard to accompany the Crimson Demon partaking in the trial. Since, as Arch-Wizards, we are backline fighters in general."

Eh… Most of them just charge at the enemy without worrying about frontline/backline positions, though?

"And it was also said that the one who claims the title of the Legendary Crimson Demon will fight alongside the greatest hero of the era. That is the true role of the Legendary Crimson Demon…"

Megumin looked at me.

"Since Kazuma and I beat the Devil King together, I thought that Kazuma is fit to be 'the greatest hero of the era'. That is why I chose Kazuma as my partner in Fuwarin oba-san's trial."

"Um… Darkness-san and I contributed in the battle with the Devil King, too?"

Aqua chipped in her opinion, which was ignored.

"But realistically, wouldn't Iris be a better choice as a frontline fighter…? Even Darkness is… OK, OK! Stop giving me those looks as if I'm trying to weasel out of this! I'm going, I'm going!"

Even I can read the mood.

Seeing that Megumin and I were more or less ready, Fuwarin-san snapped her fingers and the entrance to the labyrinth opened.

The walls that were transmuted from earth golems obeyed Fuwarin-san's commands.

I didn't know that the Golem skill-tree was so versatile.

Maybe I can use these skills someday.

I also know the Create Golem spell, but the only golems I can create were those little mini-me's that resemble Vanir's dolls.

"This labyrinth is an impenetrable maze… See if you can get out of it… Fufu…"

Fuwarin-san seems to be having fun with this.

Well, if it's like this, might as well take this trial seriously.

"Scout Sense."

I expended a large amount of my mana capacity on the new skill Flint taught me.

I overcharged the skill to extend the limits of the original effective range.

I saw the extent of this labyrinth in my mind's eye, viewing it as if I were looking at a map.

Then I reached to a wall that was originally an earth golem and sapped the mana that was naturally inside of it with Drain Touch. I regained my expended mana.

"Alright. I know the general layout of this labyrinth now. Here, Megumin, I'll draw up a map for you."

"Ehhhhh?!"

We hadn't even stepped foot inside yet and I had already mapped out the 'impenetrable maze'.

"What… But that's not fair!"

"Ah, Megumin, watch out for that area. My Detect Trap is warning me of something. I don't feel like disabling it so let's just avoid it."

"..."

"Kazuma, your skills are way too useful. You're going to make Fuwarin oba-san sad."

"It's not like I can hold back on my usefulness. Ah, watch out for that spot there."

...

…

We easily made our way through the labyrinth.

We even held hands while avoiding dangerous pitfall traps and the like.

"Hm… The atmosphere in this labyrinth is actually quite exhilarating. Walking with Megumin here… It feels like having a date in a haunted house as a test of courage or something… Not that I know what that feels like. Ah, hang on a sec."

I let go of Megumin's hand and drew my bow and an arrow.

"Snipe."

I took aim with my arrow and fired it at a wire trap. A row of spears came out to stab at the area ahead.

We held hands again as I placed my bow back around my back.

"For me, this feels like going on a test of courage in the woods bordering the Crimson Demon village with your lover… Not that I know what that feels like."

So a date scenario like that existed for the Crimson Demons, too.

But if this really is like that kind of scenario...

"In a situation like this, shouldn't Megumin go 'kyaaa!' when a trap appears, while hugging my arm?"

"Does Kazuma want me to do that? Very well… Ah, but it looks like we already reached the end."

There was a boss area-esque door in front of us.

So there will be no 'kyaa~!' for me, huh?

" _V-Very impressive. To have cleared my labyrinth with such ease. As expected of this era's greatest hero and the Legendary Crimson Demon! But what lies beyond the last room… Will you be able to handle it?"_

Fuwarin-san seems to have some way of surveilling us and she even had an intercom system as well.

That creator guy was an idiot but he made some useful things.

"Fuwarin oba-san seems to be implying that there's a boss monster beyond this door. I can't use my explosion magic in an enclosed space like this. Will Kazuma be able to face this monster alone?"

"...I thought this trial was for you, but why am I doing all the work?"

"Now, now. This is only the first trial. I will have my chance to shine later."

"That better be the case, or I'll have to take the title of Legendary Crimson Demon myself."

"...! I-I'll definitely show my true capabilities later, so try your best for this stage of the trial, Kazuma! But this stage only! Don't you dare steal the spotlight!"

What kind of selfish demand is she asking for?

But I realize that Fuwarin-san didn't intend for a non-Crimson Demon like me to clear the trials myself.

I'll repeat this again, even I can read the mood.

After using Scout Sense to confirm that there was indeed a monster ahead, we opened the door leading into the boss room.

" _Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! Bio-scanners activating… One of the intruders is a Crimson Demon! Must not engage the Crimson Demon. Bio-scanners activating… The other intruder is not a Crimson Demon or registered staff. Eliminate Intruder!"_

"...!"

Before us was a metallic, robot-like creature.

It had a humanoid form and was moving bipedally, but rather than a living armor that was found in this world, it resembled the mecha that one would often find in anime and manga.

It carried a shield and a sword but the sword had a transparent blade that resembled the glass capsule containing Fuwarin-san.

"Oh? That thing resembles the Bomber Majin Moguninin that guards the Crimson Demon village. How cool!"

Megumin had this casual commentary to say as this thing said some ominous words about us intruders.

Specifically, me.

" _This is the guardian of this research facility that the creator made. It is a variant of the Bomber Majin Moguninin. It is the Saber Majin Shutsukishishi!"_

"S-So cool!"

"Oi! I'm the one who will have to fight this thing, right?! Stop admiring it and… Whoa!"

My Detect Enemy and Auto-Dodge worked together to sense and avoid the downwards slash the Saber Majin Shutsukishishi aimed at me.

My body leapt to the ground and rolled as it avoided the attack.

It was taking careful measures not to harm Megumin, but it was making a real attempt to kill me…!

It raised its glass sword high.

A radiant light emitted from it…!

" _Here comes Saber Majin Shutsukishishi's special move! Light of Saber!"_

"This thing is so cool…!"

This thing knows that dangerous Advanced level attack spell?!

I just barely managed to dodge a Light of Saber attack that was about on par with Yunyun's own Light of Saber.

It cut a clean crevice where I had just been standing.

"I'm really the only one doing the work! I don't imagine how the trial can get any harder from here! I'm taking that title after I'm done with this, Megumin!"

"No, that's not fair, Kazuma! If you really want me to help then I'll release my Explosion right now!"

"Don't you dare! And if this thing isn't even attacking Crimson Demons in the first place, how can this be called a trial to test the Legendary Crimson Demon?!"

 _T-That doesn't matter for now! Just focus on the enemy in front of you!_

Fuwarin-san, you really need to think more deeply about your actions…!

"Kuh! Volley!"

It raised its shield and easily deflected my hail of arrows.

...I should have seen that coming.

"Kazuma, watch out!"

I rolled away again to dodge yet another Light of Saber slash.

"Hey! If this thing keeps attacking, this whole room will collapse!"

" _Don't worry! This room is durable! I made sure of it! Don't worry about holding back or anything, Hero! Show me your poweeeer!"_

"Again, who is this trial for, exactly?!"

My Auto-Dodge was dealing with the attacks for now, but if I was faced with an attack my body wasn't physically capable of dodging, even the Auto-dodge skill wouldn't be able to save me.

"...Fire ball!"

I launched the Intermediate level magic, Fireball.

A standard spell found in almost every RPG's magic system.

But the Fireball was extinguished as soon as it made contact with the shield.

" _Fufu. The shield is made out of mythril. Ah, but the rest of its body is ordinary metal."_

If that was the case… Then if I managed to hit it where it couldn't defend itself with it's shield…

...The back!

But still, I need a way to distract and immobilize it.

I used Drain touch on the walls again to restore my reserves.

I held out my hand just as the Saber Majin Shutsukishishi raised it's transparent sword again.

"Chasmic Mud Trap!"

A pool of deep mud appeared underneath the Saber Majin.

It's metallic body creaked as it struggled to free itself.

A heavy body like that will fall quickly.

But since this was still an Intermediate level spell, it wasn't as effective as Wiz's Bottomless Swamp.

The Saber Majin stopped sinking, and was already trying to brute force its way out.

"Create Golem!"

From the mud, I created the mini Golems that resembled my features for some reason.

"Kukikikiki!"

They made that weird sound for some reason.

They took out their little Chunchunmarus and started hitting the Saber Majin's armor, their hits producing a clank.

" _Ehhh? The Hero stole my technique?!"_

It's a useful combo, what can I say.

With the Saber Majin distracted, I used Lurk to erase myself from its awareness.

It completely forgot about me for the time being and focused on the small fry running around and aggroing it.

I silently positioned myself behind its back.

I drew my partner, Chunchunmaru.

"Sneak Attack!"

The main attacking skill of the Thief class.

If it's a back or flank attack, the skill provides armor penetration and chance for a 'critical hit'.

The Luck stat also provides bonuses.

Chunchunmaru penetrated the metal and sunk through, creating a clean hole in the armor.

"Good job, Kazuma! ...Eh?"

Megumin started giving me praise, but...

Saber Majin was still moving.

It ignored the mini Golems and attempted to turn in the mud and face the threat that harmed it.

"Eh? How come this thing is still moving?"

I said, as I tried to pull Chunchunmaru out, but it was stuck stuck in some machinery within the Saber Majin.

" _Nice try, Hero, but Saber Majin Shutsukishishi will only go down once its core is destroyed!"_

As expected of a troublesome invention made by that bastard.

"Oi, Kazuma, Shutsukishishi is about to escape!"

Megumin warned me as the Saber Majin was steadily forcing its own heavy body out of the mud.

"Geh! Fine! I just need another blade, right?! Who needs fancy high level magic when Elementary magic can do this! Take this! This is the ultimate form of Elementary level magic! Create Water! Freeze!"

Just as water poured out of my hand, it froze to take on a specific form.

I made a blade of ice.

"What… What was that move?! Kazuma, you're so cool right now! Kyaa!"

Megumin was squirming around as she admired my improvised magic.

She only shows her girly side when it comes to magic tricks like this, huh?

Then, while I'm at it…

"I am Kazuma! An adventurer who utilizes many skills! The hero who leads the Legendary Crimson Demon, the explosion user, Megumin! You are a worthy foe, Saber Majin Shutsukishishi, but with my Frozen Blade, I will vanquish you… Hiyah!"

I struck the improvised blade inside the hole I made with Chunchunmaru.

"Kazuma… Where did this come from?! You're way too cool right now!"

Megumin looked at me with glowing eyes of admiration.

"If Megumin is really so impressed with me then come here and give me some affection…"

"Yeah, I actually feel like spoiling Kazuma right now!"

Ehe… Ah, this feels nice.

Having a girlfriend feels so nice.

But while we were flirting…

" _Core was damaged, but still active. Beginning repairing sequence. Must eliminate threat, must eliminate threat."_

The Saber Majin, after seeming like it had stopped moving, suddenly came online again.

"Gahh! This thing is still alive?!"

It seems that I had damaged the core with that attack, but it wasn't enough to completely destroy the core.

"If it's like that then I'll shoot a Fireball inside this hole… Whoa!"

Before I could burn it from the inside, the Saber Majin bumped into me, making me fall backwards.

Then its body creaked as it was finally able to force its way out of the mud pit.

It slowly turned and looked at me.

Menacing robot eyes peered at me from behind its helmet visor.

"Kiiiee?! Megumin-san, save me!"

I ran to Megumin and hid behind her.

"Oi? Where did that cool Kazuma go?! Just when I was thinking about ways to reward you after this… Ah, the Saber Majin is heading towards us…!"

But the Saber Majin stopped in its tracks.

" _Must not harm Crimson Demon… Must not harm Crimson Demon…"_

Oh, that's right. It was programmed like that.

"Ah, I get it. This was part of Kazuma's plan, right? Good thinking."

"...Eh? R-Right, this was my plan."

Let's go with that for now.

I took this chance to attack while it was distracted by Megumin.

"Bind!"

I didn't want to waste my rope since it could just deflect it with its shield or use its sword.

But now that it was staying still so as not to harm Megumin, the rope went around the Saber Majin's body.

"..."

But the rope fell down after the Saber Majin moved a little bit.

It turns out its body was too wide for the rope to wrap around it.

I should have got a longer rope for situations like this, damn!

"Kazuma, I don't think you can hide behind me forever. Do you have anything else planned?"

"Well, I used pretty much all of my skills… Er, I guess there's still _that_."

The first skill I learned in this world.

If I can manage to steal the Saber Majin's sword or shield, that would be a great advantage for me.

Even if the Steal fails, it doesn't cost a lot of mana and there are no drawbacks.

That's why, even after all this time, Steal is still my favorite skill.

"Here comes my signature skill…! STEEEAAALLL!"

I extended my hand to the Saber Majin Shutsukishishi.

" _...Core has been extracted… Core has been extracted… Unit will now shut… down…."_

"...Eh?" x 2.

Megumin and I looked at the item I had stolen.

It was the core.

 **Part 7**

With the boss defeated, we made our way back to the entrance.

"As expected of Kazuma. You really showed off your full array of skills from the Scumbag skill-tree."

Aqua looked at me with disdain.

"Oi, I got the job done so why does it matter if the way I did it wasn't pretty to watch?! Um, Fuwarin-san, we finished the first stage of the trial."

Fuwarin-san looked at me blankly.

"Er… Good job. So, the next trial will be for Megumin-chan only."

She didn't want me participating anymore it seems.

"Kazuma, you really made Fuwarin-san sad. Please think about the feelings of others!"

"No, no, that's quite alright, Darkness-san. This was a trial meant to test one's ability to survive, so…"

I was the one whose life was in danger, you know?

But I wasn't going to argue about sitting the next trial out.

I don't know why I was involved in the first place.

Well, I don't see how Megumin could have passed that first trial without me… No, if she had Iris they could have brute-forced their way through that labyrinth.

There probably wouldn't have been anything left of the Saber Majin Shutsukishishi, too.

For the second trial, we were asked to wait outside the cave.

"If I'm outside, that means I can finally show what I'm made of."

"...Please hold back a little, Megumin-san. We don't want to bring panic to Elroad if you unleash a full powered explosion."

The girl who was trained in diplomatic matters had an important point to make to Megumin.

"Hey, maybe if they see Megumin's full power, they wouldn't be so arrogant about not giving Belzerg money anymore. In the first place, why didn't we just threaten them… Ah, I was just kidding, so please stop looking at me like that!"

We all looked at Aqua who was saying some dangerous things.

"I can control my explosion now, so fear not."

Or so Megumin says, but forgive me for suspecting that she'll end up getting carried away and go all out despite what we just told her.

"...Thank you for waiting. The preparations for the second trial are complete."

Fuwarin-san emerged out from the cave.

She flinched when she saw the sunlight.

Although she hadn't been conscious of it, she hadn't stepped outside of that cave in decades.

"...! Behind Fuwarin-san, isn't that…!"

"Yes, this is the Bomber Majin Moguninin that brought me here. The creator fixed its scanners, so it should be able to gauge one's magic power properly, unlike last time."

She looked at the Bomber Majin that mistook her for having a high magic potential with a mixed expression.

"I see. So this will be my opponent. I've always wanted to fight against the Moguninin as someone with similar powers… Very well."

"Um… Actually, I want the Moguninin to observe Megumin-chan's battle power, to determine if she really is the Legendary Crimson Demon…"

"...Oh."

I didn't know why Megumin was so obsessed with the Bomber Majin.

"Instead… Megumin-chan's opponent will be…"

"...!"

We were surprised as Fuwarin-san released her mana.

Apparently, this amount of mana and magic power wasn't enough to surpass that of a mortal's limitations.

But it was more mana and magic power that an untalented magic user like me had in store.

"Greater Create Golem!"

The ground shook. Darkness instinctively moved to protect us.

We watched as the dirt and earth and rocks around us gathered into one spot, forming a pillar.

And then this pillar took a humanoid form.

"Grrr… Rrrr…"

It easily towered over us, covering the noon sun.

Oi… Something like this could easily break a city's walls, right?

And high level golems are resistant to magic and physical attacks, too.

This is a calamity-level technique, you know?! Oi, Fuwarin-san, are you sure you're not the real Legendary Crimson Demon here?!

Fuwarin-san looked out of breath and exhausted, but she hadn't collapsed like Megumin does when she fires her explosion.

"...This is the extent of my abilities, Megumin-chan. Sorry, I want to make a trial worthy of the Legendary Crimson Demon, but this is all I can do."

No, this is more than enough isn't it?!

"...Onii-sama, if something like that were to attack Belzerg, I think we'd suffer a lot of damage."

"U-Un…"

Golems could be sustained as long as they didn't expend the mana they were given.

So, if they were kept idle like the golem labyrinth Fuwarin-san made, they could theoretically last for decades.

This means that if a golem-user like Fuwarin-san wanted to, she could produce an army of these giant golems over the years and then invade a country.

If she wanted to.

But this Fuwarin-san is saying things like 'I'm not worthy'.

Seriously, I don't understand what goes through the heads of these Crimson Demons!

"...Fuwarin oba-san… To make this big thing for me to blow up… I'm truly grateful!"

While we were staring at this colossus in awe, Megumin was squirming against her staff in a lewd manner.

"As expected of the mage who defeated the Devil King… Perhaps Megumin-chan really does have the potential to…!"

No, you're equally impressive, Fuwarin-san.

"Then… I won't keep everyone waiting anymore!"

Megumin pointed the end of her staff at the golem.

Since this was an exhibition of sorts, the golem was just standing there as if it were a practice dummy.

"...Hah…!"

Megumin released her mana.

"...Kuh!"

Like in the battle with Maouko's army, Megumin's release of mana forced us to our knees.

"Oi! Megumin! I thought you said you'd control yourself! If you release a crazy explosion like last time… Seriously, just stop, you're scaring me!"

"Don't worry, I'll control the area of effect! I've already mastered explosion magic to this extent! ...Fuwarin-san… You're not a failure! You're not a fake! My predecessor, I'll show you that your life has not been wasted! For you shall witness with your own eyes… The beginning of my Crimson Chronicle! I shall claim the title of the Legendary Crimson Demon!"

She threw away her hat and gave the stunned Fuwarin-san a grin.

Then she faced the golem once more with sparkling, crimson eyes.

"EXPLOSION…!"

The power was overwhelming.

It was an awesome, terrible, and beautiful display.

And yet we didn't feel the effects of this destruction.

Just warm winds that blew over us.

When the attack subsided, the golem was completely obliterated.

Even though her ultimate technique was erased before her eyes, Fuwarin-san only sighed in relief.

The orange glow of the noon sun was uncovered once more.

Fuwarin-san looked at it and smiled.

Then she turned to Megumin, who had fallen face first on the ground.

"Megumin-chan…"

She walked over to the fallen Megumin.

"Did you see my power?"

"Yes."

"So? What do you think, Fuwarin oba-san?"

"It was wonderful. Thank you, Megumin-chan. I'm glad I finally met you. You have validated my hopes and dreams. Thank you for existing."

Beside us, the single eye of the Moguninin glowed bright.

" _Confirmed Observation of the Maximum Magical Capabilities of the Crimson Demons. Evaluation exceeds initial expectations. The modification project is judged a success. Now sending report to the Noise Kingdom Headquarters. HQ, please respond… please respond. The project is a success… Please respond…"_

The light in its eye vanished.

" _...Response received."_

…

…

 **Chapter END**

 **Next Chapter: A Talk with this Moody Princess! & Extras**


	31. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29: A Talk with this Moody Princess! & Extras **

**Editing and Proofreading: LordVTP, Marv**

 **Part 1**

The Fuwarin-san situation, a tale decades in the making, was resolved fairly easily and without much hassle.

It was a happy ending for everyone involved.

Even an unexpected and loosely connected character to Fuwarin-san's story received a happy ending.

"Eh? You're letting me go? Just like that?"

After learning about the circumstances that led to the Cream Puff Fairy Queen's conception, we decided to free her from captivity.

Let's just sum it all up to: It was _that_ guy's fault.

"...We'd appreciate it if you didn't hold any grudges against us and try to plot some kind of revenge."

Revi said, bowing his head to the Queen.

Was it really fine for the prince to lower his head to a monster?

"That's fine… I'm content with living peacefully in my abode. If you leave me and my children alone, I won't bother you guys."

"Then let's agree on a peace treaty."

Was it really fine for the prince to offer a peace treaty to a monster?

After arranging a treaty with the Cream Puff Fairy Queen, Revi brought up the topic of Fuwarin-san once more.

He was quite enamored with her story and would, without fail, bring it up in our discussions.

"The tale of Fuwarin-san is really quite fascinating, nii-san. It's a tale of tragedy, hope and romance…"

"Please tell me where the 'romance' is? Are you implying that there's something going on with those robots and Fuwarin-san?"

"No, not at all. Nii-san is the one who brought up that disgusting scenario, so why are you the one looking at me with disgust in your eyes?"

"Hmm… Now that Fuwarin-san is free to do whatever she wants, what do you think she'll do?"

"She'd want to visit the Crimson Demon village, yes? Although I imagine that it would take some time until she can come back to her home, which is now absent of her loved ones… Until that time comes, she can stay here for as long as she likes."

Revi declared this proudly.

"How kind of Revi. That's my little brother for you. I'm so proud of you. Now, there's also the matter of the re-negotiations between Elroad and Belzerg."

"I was happy with your compliments, but nii-san was only buttering me up before bringing up the negotiations, huh?"

Our rescue of Fuwarin-san was a lovely story and all, but I didn't forget the reason we came to this country.

"Very well. I assume nii-san needs to gather everyone else? Namely, the princess?"

"No, that won't be necessary."

"Eh? Really?"

Right now, Iris was playing with Megumin, Fuwarin-san and the others.

I'd be making the same mistakes all over again if I interrupted that and forced these responsibilities on her.

I am her onii-chan. I'll take on all of her burdens.

…

…

"Nii-san, what you're asking for is impossible."

"Hah?! How could you say such a thing after we went around fighting all those monsters?!"

I was saying these arrogant things, but I ended up in a stalemate with Revi.

We had changed location to his study to conduct the negotiations between our two countries.

"Thanks to nii-san's efforts, I'm sure the citizens of Elroad will gladly agree to reinstating the previous defence funding agreement and partnership with Belzerg."

"Then…!"

"But as the ruler of this country, I can't agree to such a thing! I understand compromising on a new partnership, but why must Elroad continue to fund Belzerg for 'defense expenses' when there is no enemy we need defending from or any wars to be fought?!"

"Er, well, that is…"

So it still comes to that issue in the end.

"This wouldn't be such a problem, but like I said before, Elroad will need quite a while to reattain its former prosperity. Part of that is due to my incompetence… Hah, if only father could come back from that diplomatic trip…"

"...Is Revi sure that this scenario with his father isn't one where the father leaves to 'buy some milk from the grocery store,' but never comes back?"

"What is nii-san talking about? Rather, if you need the Princess or even Dustiness-dono to come here, just swallow your pride already and call them here!"

"I can't do that. Not after I showed off so much."

"Nii-san is oddly prideful at times."

I couldn't help but be stubborn about this.

I understood Elroad's position, but Belzerg had problems of its own.

Without the full amount of the funding, there would be more cases of ex-military personnel turning to crimes like banditry, like those people we encountered on the way here…

Hm… Wait a second…!

"Hey, Revi said that there's no need to pay for defense funds, but is Revi sure that he really doesn't need any protection?"

"Eh? Is this a yakuza tactic?! Is nii-san saying that Elroad will have to pay Belzerg 'protection fees' from now on?!"

This young one had quite the distrustful personality.

"No, it's nothing like that. Listen, even with the strongest monsters gone, there's still a lot of powerful threats in this country, right?"

Revi thought about it for a moment.

"True… That isn't so much of an issue in the big cities and developed areas, but the rural areas of Elroad are…"

It seems that the divide between the rich and poor in Elroad is vast.

This much is to be expected from the country where the gambler's mentality of 'winners get everything and losers lose everything' is a persistent facet of their culture.

The standard of living, and even personal safety, is too diverse between the rich and the poor.

The big cities are well protected from monster attacks by the city guard knights, and, to a lesser extent, adventurers who protect these cities.

The rural and less developed communities just don't have the same security.

Even so, in regards to the protection of the big cities, the soldiers and adventurers of Elroad are several classes below those of Belzerg's.

This was due to the perception in Elroad towards those with combat-type professions.

Adventurers in particular were viewed as low-class barbarians who lost their riches in failed business ventures or from gambling, who would have to resort to fighting just to pay off their debts.

Whether this stereotype was true or not, this stigma prevented most people from considering the job of an adventurer as a viable career path.

"This is my idea, Revi. Elroad keeps paying the defense fees, and in turn, we'll send military personnel here to take care of those disadvantaged cities that need defending. This is a worthwhile investment, no? These guys can even train your own soldiers and adventurers to fight. Your fighting force will improve in the long run. What do you say?"

It also gives the unemployed soldiers from Belzerg a sustainable livelihood, which is a plus for our side.

"...! Well, that is…! It is a fact that we frequently lose whole communities to monster rampages since we can't send soldiers from the capital in time to save them…"

"We could even send our high-leveled adventurers to come here and do outreach work to try to lift the stigma around adventurers. That way, Revi can financially support Lina-san and everyone in the Adventurer's Guilds, so they can produce capable adventurers without suffering public backlash from the taxpayers."

"That's actually a good idea…?!"

I could send those Japanese reincarnates who were still dungeon raiding for me to Elroad.

I didn't really need to power-level anymore, in fact, the total amount of skill points I had leftover was starting to scare me, so I wanted them to stop already.

"I'm sure that with these communities receiving proper protection and security, they will be able to thrive. And these thriving communities will contribute right away to the restoration of Elroad. Ah, to sweeten the deal, why don't I give Revi some shares in my multi-billion-Eris businesses, the Kazu-mall and Kazu-store…?"

"Really?! Everything else was already more than good enough, but nii-san is going to give me shares of his company?! If nii-san had offered that at the start, wouldn't the negotiations have gone smoother?!"

"...Eh? Is it like that?"

And so, the negotiations were taken care of, more or less.

 **Part 2**

The next few days were spent finalizing the deal.

The others were surprised that I had taken care of the negotiations myself.

"Kazuma actually took the initiative to solve the problem? How surprising!"

"I suppose I should take back what I said about Kazuma not taking his noble duties seriously."

They said rude things like this.

Darkness ended up taking care of the finishing touches with Revi, so I had some time to slack off with the others.

"You're a lucky man, hero-kun."

For some reason, Fuwarin-san had taken to calling me this weird nickname.

During one of those days when I was slacking off, I had the opportunity to chat with Fuwarin-san.

We were in a living area, enjoying some orange black tea and biscuits.

"Well, I guess I do have a high luck stat."

"...Just because hero-kun is hero-kun, doesn't mean you have to act oblivious."

"Oi, are you calling me dense?"

I wasn't going out of my way to act dense, but Fuwarin-san was just joking around, anyways.

"You know, you and Megumin-chan still have a lot of time ahead of you, but this is a cruel world, so make use of the time you have and don't waste any on stupid things, OK?"

She spoke with a playful tone, but I knew that she wanted me to take her words seriously.

"So go ahead and make babies with her already."

"Has Fuwarin-san been possessed by Yuiyui-san somehow?!"

"Fufufu… This Yuiyui is Megumin-chan's mother, correct? Well, I do feel a strange bond with Megumin-chan, as though she really were my granddaughter…"

"Hmm… It doesn't seem likely, but could it be that Fuwarin-san had actually mothered a child before she left the village?"

"What does hero-kun mean by 'doesn't seem likely?'. And no, I didn't leave any children behind. In fact, my elder sister was nagging me every day to go find a man to have babies with instead of training all day. Ah, I really miss her and everyone else…"

"Sorry for mentioning it. If it's any consolation, I sort of know how Fuwarin-san feels like."

I had suddenly been separated from my family when I died and was resurrected into this world.

We hadn't been on good terms ever since I stopped coming to school, but they were still my family.

There were times when I missed them, particularly, my little brother who I used to be close with.

...Well, if Aqua could be believed, didn't my parents laugh when they heard I peed my pants when I died, or something?

"Actually, never mind, maybe I can't put myself in Fuwarin-san's shoes after all."

"Eh, Hero-kun?!"

I was trying to cheer up Fuwarin-san, but I was the one who got depressed instead.

 **Part 3**

After lazing about for a week or so, it was finally time to leave.

We weren't in any hurry to come back, but we had received a letter from the king saying 'Please hurry up and come back already'.

A feast was held the night before we would leave.

The next morning, Aqua had a nasty hangover, as expected.

She wanted to delay the departure for another day so she could recover, but we were all set to go.

"So cruel… Ugh…"

"How many times must Aqua relearn this same lesson? Please hold back on the alcohol consumption from now on!"

Darkness lectured her she helped Aqua stagger onto the carriage.

"Wait, I don't want Aqua to throw up inside while the carriage is moving. Hmm… Ah, let's put her inside the mobile mansion for now."

"Hey?! That was my idea wasn't it?! And you're using my own genius idea on me?! Oi, don't treat me like a P*k*mon! Stahp!"

I enlarged the mansion and had Aqua go inside. Even if she were to throw up, she could do so in the bathroom.

Then I returned the mansion back into its shrunken size and pocketed it.

"I don't really get how that works, but this is awfully convenient."

"Hey, shouldn't Kazuma have made sure that Aqua's body would have shrunken as well? Is Kazuma sure about how the magic behind that item works?"

"..."

Megumin brought this up a bit too late.

After enlarging the mansion again to make sure Aqua was fine, we started seating ourselves in the carriage.

"It was fun, nii-san. I learned a lot of things from you."

Revi and Fuwarin-san smiled at us, standing outside the open carriage doors.

When it was Fuwarin-san's turn to say goodbye, she had a seperate message for Megumin.

She leaned into Megumin's ear and whispered something.

After a minute, Megumin nodded and said,

"Don't worry, Fuwarin oba-san. I'll keep your words in mind.

"Good, Megumin-chan. You mustn't waste your youth like I did."

I didn't really know what was exchanged between them, but Megumin got all clingy and flirty during the carriage ride.

…

…

"Cruel, Kazuma, you're way too cruel…"

Aqua had this to say to me as we entered the mobile mansion after a day's travel.

"Why is Aqua so angry? She was able to leisurely live out in the mobile mansion instead of enduring the bumpy carriage ride. That's what she wanted before, right?"

"It was so lonely in here! And there were all these spooky and loud noises from outside! And when you look out from the windows, there's nothing but pitch black emptiness! Wahhh!"

While it was convenient, it seemed that this method had all sorts of psychological effects.

Aqua didn't have a hangover anymore, but she was shaken up by the experience of being shrunk and stuffed along with my luggage.

"Maybe some food will cheer Aqua up, let's see… Will Kazuma take over the kitchen duties again?"

Darkness said, as she finished placing all of our luggage inside the mansion, like the reliable (lol) workhorse she was.

"Yeah, I'll cook again."

I looked at Iris, whose mood had improved after I let her goof off with the others.

But I still wanted to make it up to her.

"Hey, why don't we make tuna mayo rice tonight?"

"...!"

Iris's looked at me excitedly.

"Really?! But didn't onii-sama say that he wouldn't let me eat such a dish since he's taking his noble responsibilities seriously?!"

I cringed as I remembered how uptight and strict I was.

Megumin was right. I really had started to lose track of my roots.

"Forget all that noble crap! We're having tuna mayo rice and a whole bunch of other junk food tonight! I'll even make potato chips, too! And strawberry milk! And tomorrow, why don't we let Megumin catch us some 'lobsters' if we see a river or something nearby!"

"Onii-sama…! I'm so happy!"

"Fufun. Count on me, Iris. We'll catch plenty of 'lobsters' and cook the dishes that I enjoyed as a child!"

"Yay! I'm so excited!"

"With my talent as a cook, I can even make rats taste delicious, you know?"

"Please don't make me regret doing this, Megumin…"

 **Part 4**

"Ah… What a wonderful meal…"

Iris was wiping her face with a napkin.

"The tuna mayo rice… What a unique taste. Wouldn't a meal of this quality ordinarily be served at the banquets held by nobles? And the potato chips… Who knew that deep frying those thin potato slices could produce such a tasty delicacy… Why did Kazuma call them junk food? I wouldn't have had any objections with having Princess Iris eat these gourmet dishes…"

"Are Darkness's tastebuds as defective as her head? In what world would tuna mayo rice or potato chips be considered a 'gourmet dish'?"

"...Defective?! Hey, I'm merely stating the truth! I'll have Kazuma know that my palate has been developed due to my upbringing, and I'm saying that these foods are gourmet foods, and that's final!"

Darkness stubbornly insisted on her own ignorant opinion.

"Hey, hey, I had a hand in making these too, you know? Where's my praise?."

Aqua was quick to recover, as she had helped me make the tuna mayo rice she had been looking forward to making this entire trip.

"That was really enjoyable, onii-sama. Thank you."

Iris smiled sweetly.

"Hm… If we go at a fast pace, we can probably reach the capital in a week or so, but… Well, we're not in any rush, right? Why don't we enjoy this trip while it lasts?"

"Onii-sama, you're the best!"

"...I'm glad that Princess Iris is happy, but I rather liked it when Kazuma was taking his noble responsibilities seriously."

I looked to Darkness, who lowered her head and sighed.

"Oi, I didn't say I was going to slack off and go back to my NEET lifestyle or anything. I already know that there's people who rely on me now, so as my senpai in these sorts of things, I'll rely on Darkness."

"...! You can count on me!"

Not used at all to being counted on, Darkness looked overjoyed.

So easy.

A happy Darkness offered to wash the dishes afterwards.

Perhaps there was merit in complimenting her every once in a while.

"Now then, let's have some wine for dessert!"

Aqua took a bottle from the cellar and went to the living room, not even bothering to get a glass.

She was plastered after the festivities yesterday, and yet she was still capable of this.

We spent a few hours hanging out in the living room, playing games and such.

After a while, when we started getting bored, we headed off to our own rooms.

Before Iris could leave, I tapped her on the shoulder, and said,

"Hey, Iris, can you come to my room? I feel like it's time to clear the air."

"...Alright. I'll come, onii-sama."

She understood my intentions and nodded her head.

Things have been pretty rocky between us two, mostly due to my clumsiness.

I had made the effort to make it up to her, but I still felt we needed to have a talk between us.

…

…

Iris was already wearing her sleepwear when she arrived, a matching pink pajama set.

"Onii-sama, you wanted to talk?"

Her face was steeled into an unreadable expression.

"Yeah… Come. Sit on my lap."

"...No thank you."

She declined my offer and sat beside me on the bed.

"So, did Iris like the tuna mayo rice I made?"

She nodded, a hint of excitement melting her cold features.

"Un! Onii-sama's mayo was very delicious!"

She said these particularly dangerous words while smiling innocently.

"I see, so Iris liked it. Then, are we good now?"

"...Yeah, I was being childish anyways… Pouting like that and all."

She sighed as her shoulders slumped.

"It's alright. PMS is a natural part of growing up."

"Drop that PMS thing already, onii-sama."

It had been a while since we had leisurely chatted like this.

…There was another thing, but I didn't really feel like addressing it.

"Onii-sama… There's another thing we need to talk about."

She brought up that topic after all.

During the Fuwarin-san incident, in a fit of passion after hearing Revi call me 'nii-san', Iris said something about 'losing the contest of affection' that she had with Megumin.

No matter how I thought about it, it could only refer to _that_.

I couldn't blame this pubertal, emotionally vulnerable young girl for developing these sorts of feelings.

I'm practically the only guy she is close with.

"It's alright, Iris can tell me."

"...I like onii-chan!"

Why did she have to say 'onii-chan'?!

Those earnest, tearful eyes of hers made my heart hurt, knowing what I had to do next.

I really didn't want to reject Iris's honest feelings, but there was no way I could accept them, either.

...And to think I wished for a harem before.

Real-life relationships don't work like those wish-fulfillment otaku works I enjoyed back in Japan, not at all.

"...I'm flattered, Iris."

"Un… Onii-sama doesn't need to respond… I already know the answer."

She smiled ruefully.

"Um… I don't really have the right to say this, but I'm sure that Iris will find someone to fall in love with again."

"I'm a princess who is already engaged to Prince Revi. I don't have the freedom to experience things like that."

She said, hanging her head in defeat.

"Well, it's not like you're engaged to him anymore."

"...Eh?"

I gave her a reassuring smile.

"We had to renegotiate the contract between our two countries, right? We reinstated the defense fundings, but other diplomatic stuff like Iris's arranged marriage are now discounted. Revi didn't remember to bring the arranged marriage up during negotiations, so that means it doesn't count anymore, right?"

I couldn't stop myself from smiling smugly.

"Eh?! But surely such a thing isn't…?!"

"It's as simple as this: your arranged marriage was written in the old contract, but in the new contract, Darkness and I intentionally left it out. That Revi still has a lot to learn if he was duped so easily."

That brat who falls in love so easily had surely developed a crush on Iris.

He was probably already having lewd thoughts about having her as a bride.

Well, not on your nii-san's watch, you brat!

"But still, even if it's not Prince Revi, It's not like I have a choice on who I will marry…"

"Just let your onii-sama take care of things like that. Listen, I know it hurts now, but… First loves don't usually work out. Trust me, I know."

A fleeting memory of the childhood friend who'd dumped me surfaced.

"...But it works out, eventually. Sometimes, even, with someone you'd least expect."

I mean, I needed to reincarnate into another world to find the girl I'd end up liking.

...It's not like I want Iris to die and reincarnate into a different world to eventually find a boyfriend, though.

Thankfully, there aren't any tractors or truck-kuns in this world.

"...I'll trust onii-sama's words. From the start, it's not like I was very optimistic about this. I was aware all along that what I felt for onii-sama was just a little girl's childish first love. Sigh…"

"I'm actually glad I was Iris's first . If it was some sleazy noble brat, that would have been terrible…"

"Isn't onii-sama known as 'Scum-zuma' or something like that? And isn't onii-sama nobility himself, now?"

"T-The ceremony hasn't been performed yet, so I've yet to become a sleazy nobleman..."

"What a weird excuse. And it was onii-sama's shameful stunt involving Claire and Lucie that delayed the ceremony in the first place."

"...Why is Iris roasting me now?"

"I'm savage AF, onii-sama."

"Ah, I've totally corrupted this one…"

The rest of the night, we chatted about random things.

 **Part 5**

Iris and I were closer than ever after that talk.

As promised, we played around plenty during our trip back.

I didn't impose any rules or restrictions, and even Darkness was pretty lax about it.

"Look, big boss! I caught a baby lobster!"

"Good job, my minion. Keep hunting."

For some reason, Iris had taken to calling Megumin 'big boss'.

And Megumin was treating the princess like some kind of underling.

Well, I already decided to drop that princess stuff, at least whenever she was hanging out with us, so I let it go.

"I also found this dead creature over here, too!"

"A thorough boil will kill all the germs, so let's bring it back as well."

"Roger, big boss!"

...But stop making her hunt strange things already.

While we were at it, we also let Iris run free and fight any monsters that obstructed the road.

"Sacred Lightning Blare! Muwahahaha! Dieee!"

...I hope she can go back to living as a dainty little princess after this.

"Good, good, my minion. Now, we'll show you how to skin the monster and then gather the materials."

"So adventurers have to do stuff like this, too…"

No, actually we just let the guild do that stuff for us.

"Ah, I used to do these things with Komekko. How nostalgic."

"Why are you looking back at such terrible memories with such a satisfied expression on your face?"

Maybe I should send some more money over to Yuiyui-san.

...

We tried to let this little trip of ours last as long as possible, but even as we stalled and delayed, we returned to the borders of Belzerg after two weeks of travel.

Hearing news of our success with the negotiations, we were greeted by thunderous applause from the people.

"Kyaaa! Satou-sama! We believed in you this whole time!"

"We of the Satou Kazuma fanclub will always stand by you!"

Among the crowd, there were beautiful women cheering my name.

Ah, right. Such an organization existed, didn't it?

Megumin glared at them and then at me.

"Hey, I admit I was happy about such a fanclub existing, but I am a faithful man, don't worry."

"...Jiiiiii."

She didn't need to stare so suspiciously like that.

I'm not that carnivorous, you know?

I don't care for other meat. As long as I have Megu-meat, I'm happy. Rawr.

"What a great reception… It makes our efforts feel worthwhile."

Darkness was moved by the cheers of the citizens.

"Thank you! Thank you! I don't mind the praises, so keep giving them to me! Ah, I feel so inspired! Here, I'll show you a trick! Nature's Beauty!"

"Uohhhhh!"

Oi, stop riling them up, or we might have a riot in our hands.

 **Extra # 1: The Descendants of the Legendary Crimson Demon!**

"Hey, mom. I want to play."

Komekko-chan tugged on my apron as I made our lunch.

Thanks to the frequent donations of a certain man my eldest daughter is dating, we can afford to make meals more luxurious than lightly salted bean sprouts over rice.

Fufu~ Now all I need is for that daughter of mine to hurry and give me a grandchild.

"I'm cooking right now, Komekko-chan, so please find a way to entertain yourself."

"I guess I'll play with Buzucoily-nii, then."

"Ah, maybe there's something that Komekko-chan can play with in the storage closet?"

"Alright. I'll take a look."

And thanks to the money we're receiving, I don't need to work as many part-time jobs.

I can now closely monitor Komekko-chan's growth.

This means I can keep her from interacting with suspicious people.

I'm only fine with suspicious people like the certain man my eldest daughter is dating, as he is a reliable person.

And he also happens to be very rich.

…

…

I called Komekko-chan over when the food was ready.

"It's hamburg steak today. I'm very happy! Thank you for the meal."

She placed a black book down on the table and started eating.

"Komekko-chan, what's that book?"

"This? I found it in the closet."

I was curious about it, so I asked Komekko-chan if I could borrow it in exchange for some pocket change.

After lunch, Komekko-chan took the money I gave her and went out to buy some treats.

I made tea for myself and took the book to the couch with me for an afternoon read.

The paper only showed a little age, but as Crimson Demons can use preservation magic, this book may be decades older than it appears to be.

When I started reading, I noticed that rather than a book, it was more like a diary.

Of course, the contents were written in the code used by Crimson Demons.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _Today, my little sister has left the village on a journey._

 _I will miss her terribly, but it appears that she has a great destiny she must fulfill._

 _That Fuwarin who we all called 'the NEET who does nothing but fight monsters in the woods all day' actually became a big shot, huh?_

 _And to think that the Legendary Crimson Demon of myth actually exists…_

 _...Are we sure that the Moguninin who evaluated her is not just broken or something?_

 _Ah, I shouldn't cast doubts on my own little sister's talents, I guess._

 _I mean, in the end, didn't she prove us wrong?_

 _She kept talking about the 'Legendary Crimson Demon' this and 'heroic trials' that._

 _She was really addicted to trials._

 _She even kept proposing during village meetings that the title of village chief should be earned after one has been deemed worthy by a trial._

 _Even for the behavior one expected of a Crimson Demon, she was especially… err… 'passionate'._

 _...Still, I do miss her a lot._

 _It has been a few weeks already. Will she ever come back?_

I was intrigued by contents of this journal, but the next few pages had been corroded by age.

Even with the preservation magic of the Crimson Demons, the pages had become like this.

This journal must be very old.

I went to the storage closet where Komekko-chan found the journal.

"..."

She had made a mess and didn't even bother to clean up after herself.

Perhaps a spanking is in order…

I sighed and started cleaning up Komekko-chan's mess.

That was when I found another black book.

It fell out of a box filled with memorabilia from my husband's side of the family.

Things like jewelry and wedding rings from his ancestors were stored in it.

If we had pawned this, we would have made a considerable profit, for sure.

But my husband refused and said it was a tradition of his family to hold onto such keepsakes.

I couldn't tell him to sell them even if I wanted to.

Well, I was tempted once or twice, but enough about that.

I opened the book, and while the handwriting was a bit shaky, it undoubtedly belonged to the one who wrote the first journal Komekko-chan found.

I had found another journal by that person.

I wiped the dust that had clung to my body, and returned to the living room.

I took a seat and started reading.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _Ah… It's been many years since I last wrote one of these. The last one was… after Nobushin-kun's wedding, wasn't it?_

 _Ara… I'm really getting old now. Even my youngest son has gotten married, huh?_

 _Well, I can't really complain._

 _I already have grandkids, and my youngest son has gotten married._

 _Even if I croaked tomorrow, I would have no regrets…_

 _Well, maybe I can wait for Nobushin-kun's child to come first? Fufun…_

 _As expected of that child who admired his father, he will name his first son after my husband._

 _So, I will live long enough to witness the birth of Hyoizaburo-kun._

 _...Then, I will have no regrets._

 _No, I do have one regret._

 _Fuwarin, my little sister. Even after all this time, we haven't heard from her._

 _Where could she be, and what had become of her?_

 _Many things have changed in the village since she had departed._

 _She would have been glad to know that the miniature statuette that was made of her a long time ago has been turned into an item of worship, of sorts._

 _She would have surely said something along the lines of 'This much is only to be expected from the great me, the Legendary Crimson Demon.'_

 _From time to time, I look at the statuette and think about Fuwarin._

 _...The statuette resembles her closely, but I must question the cat ears the visiting hero had added on it._

 _And it was also wearing some kind of weird, revealing bodysuit, too._

 _Even if I try to forget, the presence of my little sister is felt everywhere in this village._

 _Her way of introducing herself has caught on. Even the baker introduces himself grandly._

 _The secret code we used as children to pass messages to each other is now gaining popularity too._

 _Ah, I had been using this code on all of my diaries over the years, haven't I?_

 _Oh, and the process to determine the village chief is now held through a trial, like she had suggested long ago._

 _Aside from finishing the trial, there is a separate option for one to defeat the Bomber Majin Moguninin roaming the woods to prove their worth._

 _This is a tribute to how Fuwarin was chosen by the Moguninin that was guarding the village at the time._

 _There are also many more young men and women who choose to become NEETs and spend their days fighting the monsters in the woods, just like Fuwarin used to do._

 _...Maybe that last part isn't really a good influence, though._

 _Yes, Fuwarin… You've made an indelible mark in this village._

 _Thanks to you, things will be very interesting and fun in this village for generations to come._

…

…

By the time I had finished reading the other diaries I managed to find in the closet, my husband, Hyoizaburo, had arrived home.

He brought Komekko-chan, whose face was sticky with sugary treats, with him too.

"Dear, have you read these before?"

I showed my husband the diaries I found.

"Ah, those belonged to my grandmother, Norishiyo oba-san. Yes, I have read them."

He looked fondly at the diaries.

"Komekko-chan dug them up earlier."

"Ah, is that so? Hmm… You know, Norishiyo oba-san died peacefully, but she did ask us to look for the whereabouts of her little sister, who disappeared when they were both young ladies… She wanted to meet her again before she died, but we couldn't find anything about her…"

"This Fuwarin-san was mentioned a lot in the diaries."

"Yes… Not a lot of people know about my family's contributions to this village, but we're related to the Legendary Crimson Demon, you know? We should be proud! And not only that, but we have Megumin-chan to boast about too!"

"Yes, dear. Fufu…"

"Oh, yes, by the way, we received a letter from that same Megumin-chan. I found it in the mailbox just now."

"Ah, then let's read it without delay. Let's see… Dear mother and father… During my trip to Elroad, I inherited the title of Legendary Crimson Demon from a fellow clansman named Fuwarin… Eh?"

 **Extras #2: A Change of Heart for this Goddess of Puppetry!**

"Kyaaa! Satou-sama! We believed in you this whole time!"

"We of the Satou Kazuma fanclub will always stand by you!"

There was a crowd of people ready to welcome the heroes from their trip to Elroad.

I was among a group of girls who were yelling things like 'Satou-sama, please look over heeeere!'

This is the Satou Kazuma fanclub.

And I was one of this club's members.

"...Please look here, Satou-sama."

In order to fit in with my fellow members, I raised my own cheer.

"Hey, Serena-san, you need to be more enthusiastic! And why are you wearing your priest robes? Didn't we agree to wear our 'I wuv Satou-sama' t-shirts today?"

"Ah, those are in the wash, unfortunately."

"Liar. Serena-san wore her priest robes even when we took a group picture of everyone in the club and sent it to Satou-sama."

Like hell I'd let myself be seen wearing an embarrassing t-shirt like that, much less have my photo taken wearing it.

"Ah, Satou-sama is looking over here! He looked at me, didn't he?!"

"No, you bitch! He looked at me!"

I stepped back as these girls started clawing at each other.

Oi, your beloved Satou-sama is acting as if he never saw anything.

As I sighed to myself, wondering how long I'd have to keep up this charade, I felt an incoming message from the one I serve.

" _Yoohoo… Is this thing working? There's a lot of people there, so the reception is weak... Serena, can you hear me?"_

A voice that sounded like it belonged to a young girl, but had a weirdly mature inflection and tone to it, filled my head.

"Yes, I can hear you, Regina-sama. And I don't think these messages from a goddess would be hindered by something like interference…"

" _Serena can't take a joke. Please lighten up. Anyways, I called you 'coz we have a change of plans. Good news, you don't have to seduce that Kazuma-kun anymore."_

I unintentionally let out a huge sigh or relief.

"Thank goodness…"

" _...Oi, I'll feel bad for Kazuma-kun if you're that relieved about it. Give a more tsun reaction, why don't ya?"_

"Oh, no. What a shame. Not like I care or anything. Baka."

" _...You're an uncute child, you know that?"_

Regina-sama is as playful as always.

"Aside from that, Regina-sama, is there a reason for this change of plans? Maouko-sama told us that we had to…"

" _Oi, I don't give a shit about that Maouko-chan anymore. A message was sent to our HQ here in Norse a few weeks ago. At first I thought that it was a glitch in the system, but I confirmed that it was real… It seems that Kazuma-kun's little girlfriend is far more of a threat than that Maouko-chan ever will be…"_

...Regina-sama was serious about this. She wasn't playing around like usual.

"So, does that mean we are to betray Maouko-sama?"

" _I mean, she should have expected something like this, right? It's not like I'm known for being loyal or anything, you know? I'm the Goddess of Puppetry and Revenge, not the Goddess of Trustworthiness and Comradeship or anything like that… Ah, but Serena can trust me, OK?"_

"Very well. So, what must I do next?"

" _Maouko-chan doesn't know we're using Norse as our HQ and it's not like that pesky diviner of hers can read the actions of a goddess like me. And I gave you a shitload of wards and artifacts to block his annoying powers, too. For now, Serena should escape and hide somewhere to… Hm… Actually…"_

Uh-oh. Regina-sama was scheming something.

 _Hey, maybe Serena will have to seduce that Kazuma-kun after all?_

"...Eh?"

" _Well, you know that old saying. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'. Why don't we just switch sides? I'm sure Kazuma-kun will gladly take us in if we give him all sorts of info. Like how Maouko will mobilize soon with that Wolbach-chan leading the charge..."_

"...I understand Regina-sama's logic, but what does that have to do with me needing to seduce Satou Kazuma?"

" _Well, Serena is always hard at work. When was the last time you properly got laid? Oi, don't cut off the transmission on me…!"_

I cut the transmission.

 **Chapter END**

 **Next Chapter: Scheming with this Double-crossing Devil King Army General!**


	32. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30: Scheming with this Double-crossing Devil King Army General!**

 **Editing and Proofreading: LordVTP and Marv**

…

 **...**

 **Part 1**

The ceremony to officially award our noble titles commenced shortly after our return from Elroad.

I was coached by a strict instructor during the dress rehearsal, namely Darkness, so I didn't have any issues with going along with the formalities.

After the ceremony, there was a celebratory feast, which served to commemorate both our ascension to noble status and our success at renewed diplomatic relations with Elroad.

After the dinner ended, the dance hall was opened for socialization. This was the most important stage of the festivities for the nobles in attendance.

Darkness was popular as always, but now that the rest of the party had been made nobles…

"Greetings, Kazuma-dono. I am the head of the Firestead family. I'd like to introduce you to my youngest daughter, Charlotte…"

"Kazuma-dono! Have you met my daughter, Beryl, yet?"

"If Kazuma-dono is not interested in noble ladies, perhaps the beautiful maids of our employ will please Kazuma-dono?"

I was bombarded by all kinds of marriage offers.

"Sorry, but he's not interested."

Megumin came in between the nobles and me. She held out her hand and glared at them.

They retreated from her, not wanting to incur her wrath.

She turned to me and looked at me suspiciously.

"Megumin is too paranoid. I wasn't tempted at all."

"Jiiiiii…"

I averted my eyes from her stare.

"It's common in this world for noblemen to take on many wives, you know? Hey, Megumin, Kazuma is surely the type of guy to wish for a harem, so watch out for this one."

Aqua barged in and rested her arm on my shoulder as she bit on a leg of meat, the meat juice spilling on my clothes. I shrugged her off.

"That's why I'm keeping an eye on him. I know about the customs of nobility, but remember what I told you about sticking to your roots, Kazuma."

"Why does this girlfriend who hasn't even kissed me yet or done anything ero with me yet feel so entitled to hawk over me like this? If you're going to go all yandere on me, then at least show me a bit of affection!"

It was Megumin's turn to go on the defensive.

"Ah, well… I get what Kazuma's trying to say, but there's things like mood and atmosphere and timing to consider, so…"

"Why is this girl who, just last week, was cheerily hunting rodents and all sorts of disgusting roadkill then making dishes out of them, acting like a maiden all of a sudden? Oi, the tomboy who said 'as long as you boil it, the germs will go away', tell me what gives you the right to act all shy right now!"

"W-Well, that is…!"

"Now, now, Kazuma, have some mercy on this Megumin."

Aqua sighed as she wagged her leg of meat, spilling even more of its juice on my clothes.

I really wished Aqua would stop wagging her meat at me.

"Onii-sama, are you enjoying the festivities?"

Iris, wearing a pretty dress, came over to us and gave a wide smile.

The good mood she had during our return trip still remained.

"Yesh! The food is great as always!"

"Um… Aqua-san, the feast has already ended, so why did you bring a leg of meat to the dance hall?"

Aside from servers offering guests with trays containing light, after-dinner dessert treats, the dinner portion of the evening had already ended. Still, Aqua was going back into the kitchen and taking random slabs of meat with her to the dance hall.

"Oi, if you don't watch yourself, Aqua will get fat again."

"Don't… Don't bring that up! I get it, this will be the last one for tonight, so don't bully me, OK?!"

Perhaps remembering the intense exercise she had to go through to lose weight before, Aqua looked panicked as she sulkily placed the meat down.

I felt a tug on my sleeve. Iris leaned over to me.

"Would onii-sama perhaps like to dance?"

She gestured to the dance floor, where the other nobles were doing some kind of waltz.

"I don't think I'd be good at that kind of thing..."

I felt a shove from behind. Megumin was grinning at me.

"Come on, Kazuma. Give your little sister what she wants!"

"Hm, maybe this well help. Versatile Entertainer!"

Aqua casted a weird spell on me while waving the leg of meat like a wand.

Despite my reservations, I couldn't resist Iris's request and ended up following her to the dance floor.

The other nobles made room for us, and I felt multiple sets of eyes on me.

"Don't be so nervous, onii-sama. Let's just have fun, OK?"

The band was playing a fast song, but perhaps they sensed the mood and switched to a slow paced song.

I gently placed my right hand on Iris's waist and held her other hand with my left. She stood on her tiptoes to compensate for the height difference.

"Onii-sama had his reservations, but you're dancing to the beat. I'm impressed!"

The song was slow enough that I only had to shuffle my feet along with the deliberate beat. And maybe Aqua's spell was influencing me somehow.

"I'm glad Iris is happy."

She giggled. We danced for a few more songs. Megumin wanted to try, too.

"Ow. Megumin, don't step on my toes."

"Sorry… This is pretty hard, isn't it?"

She wasn't much of a dancer, though.

"I want to try, too!"

Aqua really hated being left out. Megumin stepped aside and let Aqua take her place.

I sighed as I placed my arm around Aqua's waist.

"Hey, Aqua is actually really good at this?!"

I was a bit impressed.

"Fufu. Of course, the talented me excels in all sorts of things!"

"Yeah, Aqua is surprisingly good at useless things."

"I don't want to hear that from this guy who only knows weird skills."

From the way Darkness was looking at us from afar, it seemed like she wanted a turn, too, but she had her hands full with the nobles vying for her attention.

Later on, she'd spend the rest of the evening complaining to me for leaving her out.

 **Part 2**

Aqua was wailing about wanting to go back to Axel during the Elroad trip, but the luxurious lifestyle we enjoyed living as guests in the Belzerg royal palace effectively changed her mind.

"We can stay here for a bit, but let's take care not to intrude too much."

Darkness warned her even as Aqua lazed around, sitting on a sofa with a bottle of high-quality wine in her hands.

Aqua glanced at Darkness after swigging a gulp of the wine. She wiped her lips and said,

"Yeah, yeah. I don't plan on mooching off the old man for too long. I'm starting to get homesick, too."

Darkness stared at Aqua in suspicion for a while, but decided to let the matter drop in the end.

"By all means, please, stay as long as you like."

The king entered the room with a wide smile on his face. He was more than satisfied with our negotiation efforts.

Following after him was Prince Jatis.

"Careful what you say to Aqua, Your Majesty. She'll stay here as an unwanted guest for the rest of her life if you let her. For birds like her, you need to force her out of the nest or you won't be able to get rid of her."

"That's rich, coming from the former NEET."

The king laughed at our bickering.

"Well, I don't know about staying here forever, but we don't mind having Kazuma-chan and his friends around. Hmm… Speaking of Kazuma-chan, we received another invitation from that fan club of yours again…"

"I know what you're trying to do. Your Majesty is trying to entice me to do something for him again, right?"

Last time, he produced a picture of this 'Satou Kazuma Fan Club' and showed it to me in an attempt to convince me to take the trip to Elroad.

"I'm not trying to get you to do anything this time, but they keep sending these letters and postcards here and my servants are getting annoyed, so do something about them, please."

He handed me the letter.

"Hmm… Perhaps I should make a 'Princess Iris Fan Club'..."

Jatis was saying something disturbing.

I didn't want any more perverts gathering to admire Iris. Having Jatis and Claire around to ogle her was already too much.

"Kazuma isn't actually thinking of visiting that fan club of his, right? I'll go ahead and ask them to stop bothering Kazuma myself…"

"By that, Megumin is saying 'I'll go over there and blow them up', or something along those lines, right? Oi, it's only natural for women to admire the me who's been pulling off heroic feats lately, so don't blame them. Good grief, I've become a sinful man."

"Saying all this after Kazuma promised that he wouldn't cheat…!"

Megumin looked sincerely dismayed.

"Oi, I'm just joking. I already said that I'm not the kind of guy who wants a harem. That said, it feels kind of cruel to just tell these people to stop, so I should at least give them a visit. If Megumin is that worried, you can come with me."

"I'm curious as to what type of deranged person would actually be interested in Kazuma, so count me in!"

"...Did Aqua just imply that I was deranged?"

"Is Megumin not aware? Wait… Urk!"

"Don't fight in front of His Majesty, you two!"

As usual, Darkness had to act as the stop-gap as Megumin tried to strangle Aqua.

"Ohohoho! Kazuma-chan's party is as entertaining as always!"

The king let out a hearty laugh.

I really wish he'd stop calling me 'Kazuma-chan'.

…

…

The 'Satou Kazuma Fan Club' didn't have an official building. They rented a conference room every Wednesday from 4:00 pm to 7:00 pm.

Luckily, it was a Wednesday. After a morning spent lazing around, we went to the fan club's venue before the meeting could start.

Megumin came to supervise me, Aqua came so she could ridicule me, and Darkness came to make sure we didn't cause too much trouble.

"Hey, wouldn't it cause quite a commotion if Kazuma comes goes unannounced?"

Just before we could enter the building, Darkness said something we hadn't thought of.

"It should be fine. It's like one of those reality TV segments where a popular idol shows up to the surprise of common-folk."

"Kazuma, you're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

Aqua shot me an accusatory glare.

"Most of these girls probably don't have romantic feelings and such for me, you know? Most of them are probably just fans of my work. What's wrong with wanting to meet your fans, and in turn, interact with them?"

"I'd believe it if it were any guy other than Kazuma saying it, but I know that your first reaction to seeing the picture of this fan club was 'Oho. A group of busty beauties who adore me. Hehe'. It was something like that."

"Where did that creepy 'hehe' come from?"

While Aqua and I were bickering, we arrived at conference room.

It was still empty inside, as the club hadn't arrived yet.

"We could at least set up for them."

Darkness said, as she grabbed a pile of folding chairs stacked against the wall, and started setting them up.

"Despite being a noble, this one likes to do things like hard labor, huh?"

"...I don't even know what Kazuma is implying there. Should I interpret that as an insult or a compliment?"

"I bet Kazuma is saying that Darkness is a girl with muscles for brains who's addicted to using her muscles to do hard labor…"

"No, that came entirely out of Aqua's mouth."

We couldn't go a single minute without bickering, but this just the usual for us.

A few minutes after we had finished setting up, the door opened. Women wearing matching T-Shirts that had 'I wuv Satou-sama' printed on the front started entering the room.

"...! Wait, isn't that…!"

"Hello. It's me. Everyone's Satou Kazuma."

I posed and said these pretentious lines a big-shot male idol would say.

"..."

There was a pause.

"KYAAAAAAA!"

Their shrill cries made us cover our ears.

After they calmed down, they took their seats while intensely gazing at me.

"To think that Satou-sama would actually come visit us here! We are not worthy!"

Their fanaticism was already starting to overwhelm me.

"Kazuma-sama! Please sign this!"

"Please sign my 'I wuv Satou Kazuma-sama' T-Shirt!"

"This is a custom-made Kazuma-sama 'toy'. Please sign it. Ah, please don't press that button, or the 'toy' will vibrate."

It turned into a signing event.

While Darkness was facilitating the peace and order of the passionate fan club members, I noticed a woman who wore priest robes. She had positioned herself all the way at the back of the line.

She caught my attention not only from her priest robes, which stuck out among the other fan club members who were wearing those creepy t-shirts, but her indifferent, almost cold demeanor and countenance contrasted with the stifling enthusiasm of the other club members.

Her impassive and neutral face resembled that of a doll's or a marionette.

When I looked closer, the picture the king showed me of the fan club resurfaced in my mind.

I remembered taking note of her for the reason that she stood out among the others, as well as her beautiful features…

Megumin followed my gaze.

"Kazuma. I see you noticed her too. There's something suspicious about that woman. I can just feel it…"

Did she really notice anything, or was this just her usual chuuni in play?

Aqua also had something to say.

"I'm suspicious about that woman, too, Kazuma! There's no way any self-respecting priest would associate with Kazuma, least of all, join his fanclub…"

Darkness tilted her head at Aqua.

"Um… But isn't Aqua an Arch-Priest who not only associates with Kazuma, but is heavily involved with him?"

"Eh? Gahh!"

I would stop associating with this useless Arch-Priest, if I could help it.

Midway through signing the strange items the fan club members were handing to me, I recognized these products as originally distributed by my very own Kazu-Mall. They even had the brand logo.

I took on a very loose approach to running that company. I was CEO in name only and let my business partner, Maxim, handle pretty much all of the day-to-day work.

But maybe I should observe their operations more carefully if they were producing strange products like this, which bore my liking and resemblance.

At last, I reached the end of the line. It was finally the woman wearing a priest robe's turn.

"Greetings. My name is Serena. I'm glad to finally meet you, Kazuma-sama."

The friendly smile she showed now started to make me think that the impassive look she wore before was just my imagination.

"It's nice to meet you too, Serena-san."

"Just Serena is fine."

She was quite forward.

She handed me the picture of the fan club, the same one they sent a copy to me of.

I got an idea after signing it.

"Say, why don't I rent a magic camera and we can take a picture with everyone?"

"Kyaaa~! We're so lucky! Thank you, Kazuma-sama!"

"Can you make a signed copy for everyone?!"

I ended up having to sign things for another half an hour.

 **Part 3**

We only spent a few more days in the capital before we decided it was time to head home.

I spent much of the remaining time playing with Iris and enjoying the attractions of the capital.

Finally, it was time to go home.

"Be sure to write and visit again, onii-sama."

"Un. Take care, Iris. And if you receive any erotic love letters from Revi, make sure to tell me and I'll head over there to discipline him."

We said our goodbyes and then headed to the teleportation shop.

Needing to rely on shops and scrolls is fine since I have money, but learning the Teleportation spell would be convenient.

I thought about having Yunyun teach me the spell when we got back home.

We saw a familiar face when we arrived at the shop.

"Oh? If it isn't Kazuma-sama and others."

Serena was also in the teleportation shop.

She held a ticket in her hand.

"Is Serena-san planning to take a trip somewhere?"

"I have some personal business in Axel, actually."

Megumin peered at Serena suspiciously.

"It seems awfully convenient that you have personal business in Axel just as we're about to head home…"

It wasn't as if the world revolved around us. I wanted to tell Megumin this.

Serena struck me as a somewhat mysterious woman, but I didn't know why the others seemed to think there was more to her than that.

And Aqua's reasoning of 'there's no way a priest can be a fan of Kazuma', is the most unreasonable of them all.

"Sorry about my comrades here. Would Serena-san like us to guide her around Axel?"

Unlike Megumin and Aqua, Darkness didn't have any overt suspicions of her own.

"Oh, my. Thanks for the offer. Please take care of me, Kazuma-sama…"

"Um, but I'm the one who made the offer, not Kazuma…"

Darkness was ignored by Serena, who bowed to me.

We were the only ones using the teleportation service, so we gathered in the circle without delay.

...In a matter of seconds, we were taken to Axel.

"Home sweet home! ...Is what I want to say, but life in the palace is much more fulfilling."

"By 'fulfilling' Aqua meant that it's a comfortable, stress-free life where every personal whim of yours is taken care of by the servants, right?"

Darkness saw through Aqua's BS immediately.

"Oh, isn't that Kazuma and everyone? Whoa! Who's this babe?!"

We were harassed by a delinquent as soon as we stepped out of the teleportation shop.

"Wait, isn't this Dust? Sorry, I mistook you for a no-good delinquent."

"No, Kazuma, this fellow _is_ a no-good delinquent."

Megumin had a scathing assessment of Dust.

"Yunyun is right. This crazy explosion girl is quite the bully isn't she? Anyways, Kazuma, who's this beautiful lady you have here?!"

Dust usually had a sloppy posture, but he straightened his back as soon as he saw Serena.

"Greetings. Are you Kazuma-sama's friend? My name is Serena, a travelling priest of sorts."

I thought she would introduce herself as a member of the Satou Kazuma Fan club, but I guess Serena-san wasn't as crazed or uninhibited as the other members.

Serena proved herself as an exemplary priest as she tolerated Dust's chit-chat and answered all his questions.

She made sure to brush off his sexual harassment, though.

"I see. So Serena-san has some business here. Since Serena-san is new in town, maybe I can show you around? For example, she could come over to my abode…"

Which abode was he talking about? The horse stables or his personal jail cell?

"Thank you very much, but Kazuma-sama and his companions have already offered to give me a tour of the town."

"Ah, then let me come with you!"

"Err…"

Get a clue already.

Dust ended up following us around as we showed Serena around all the places of import in Axel.

"For all your daily necessities, please visit the Kazu-mall."

"Why is Kazuma advertising his business?"

The tour ended after we showed Serena the Adventurer's Guild.

"Serena is a priest, right? I don't know how long you're planning to stay here, but if you need some extra cash, I'm sure there's a lot of parties who'd want the services of a priest."

"Then, in that case, won't Kazuma-sama let me join his party?"

Serena made this rather direct request all with an unwavering smile.

"Hey, I don't know if you're talented or what, but this party already has an Arch-Priest, OK? Why don't you go join that table full of former delinquents who have a hard on for Kazuma and form a party with them instead? I'm sure you'll get along with them since you all adore Kazuma for some reason. You can even start calling him 'aniki' like they do."

Aqua got all defensive when another priest tried to join the party.

Megumin was also not impressed with Serena's request.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. We can't set that kind of precedent. If we get two Priests, then wouldn't we be advertising to a certain lonely girl that we'd accept another Mage despite already having one, specifically, myself? And once that certainly lonely girl joins, wouldn't a certain loli princess get weird ideas about joining us, too? What I'm saying is, I don't want any potential rivals swaying my man here, so please consider going somewhere else."

It seems I was still kept on a tight leash.

"Well, that's quite unfortunate, but I'm not in any hurry to make money. Rather, as a travelling priest, I focus more on doing charity work than on making money from adventuring."

Aqua tilted her head.

"Charity work? You mean that thing the Eris church does where they give away bread to the poor, and then I sabotage them by casting water magic on all the bread supplies?"

"I'm pretty sure that last part doesn't have anything to do with 'charity' at all. Also, don't do that again if you value your allowance money at all."

"Wahh! I'm sorry!"

I noted to myself that I should send the local Eris church a substantial donation for all the problems Aqua causes.

As we entered the guild, Serena's eyes wandered around at the patrons.

"Oh? Sir, that scar you have there, it looks fairly new. I'm a priest who knows healing magic. Would you like me to heal it?"

"...! Will you really? Then, please do!"

Serena went over to that gentleman, laid a hand over his scar, and healed it.

"Ah. So that's what a real priest is like, huh?"

"Doing selfless works like that, so that's what a real priest is like..."

"For some reason I have this image in my head that all priests do all day is drink and eat. So this is what a real priest is like."

The adventurers in the guild seemed to have developed a distorted impression of priests because of a certain irresponsible one in my party.

After Serena healed the scar, she looked at the other adventurers who were looking towards her in wonder.

"Oh, my. There seems to be a lot of adventurers here who are suffering from injuries. If you don't mind, I'd like to heal all the injured…"

"Wah! So kind! So dignified! So this is what a real priest is like!"

"Real priests are so admirable!"

"I'm so glad we have a real priest around!"

Aqua was in a panic as she looked at the adventurers who were shouting their praises for Serena.

"Oi, stop saying 'real priest', 'real priest' already! Haven't you already been basking in the great me all this time?! Oi, you plebeians, pay attention to me!"

"I don't think a real priest would refer to themselves as 'the great me', or call others 'plebeians'."

"Kazuma-san! Don't tell me you're siding with them? Hey, you guys…!"

Darkness only gave Aqua a blank look.

"Perhaps you'll take Serena-san's example and improve your conduct, Aqua."

"Gahhh!"

 **Part 4**

A few days after we arrived…

Serena had become increasingly popular since her arrival in Axel.

Most priests would usually charge a large fee to heal injuries, since their services were rare and invaluable, but Serena charged only a small fee.

Aqua was very upset by these recent events.

"Damn that woman! I knew there was something strange about her! This was her plan, wasn't it? To steal this town from me!"

"Since when did this town belong to Aqua? And if you really want to do something about it, stop playing video games the whole day and try to win back those guys from the guild."

The depressed Aqua had been staying home all day and doing nothing but eating snacks and playing those video games I acquired from the VIP heaven's gift store.

Even without Serena around, she'd resort to this kind of behavior, anyway.

I couldn't really criticize her too much, however, as I wasn't doing much either and spent a lot of my time playing these same games.

"I don't get what's so special about that Serena woman, anyways. In terms of beauty, aren't I more attractive than her? I'm a goddess, don't you know? Hey, Kazuma, I'm attractive, right?"

"Guys aren't as superficial as Aqua thinks. If Aqua had the slightest hint of a pleasant personality to go along with her good looks, maybe I could say that Aqua is attractive."

Aqua glanced away from the screen and looked at me.

"...Am I really that unattractive? Is my personality really that bad? Hey, hey. Just the other day, I saw these two normies flirting in the park. The girl was eating a lot of food and she got all embarrassed. 'Sorry… I'm such a glutton, aren't I? Tee-hee!' That's what she said. And her boyfriend got all flirty and said. 'Fufu, but I like this unexpected side of you…' He seemed to like seeing that girl stuff her face. So, why am I, who eats a lot, considered unattractive?!"

"That girl doesn't actually eat a lot. She just said that to act all cutesy. And why is Aqua so worried about how attractive she is all of a sudden. The Aqua who I associate in my mind with horse dung due to all that time we spent together in the stables, wouldn't normally act so ladylike."

"H-Horse dung… Hey, the Kazuma who I associate in my mind with the steady sounds of 'fap, fap' due to all that time we spent together in the stables, what the hell are you trying to say about me?"

"Y-You promised me that you ignored the 'fap, fap' sounds!"

The game was forgotten as we got into an argument.

"You two, don't you ever get tired of fighting? Oh, I see you guys are levelling our dear Slime-kun."

Darkness joined us on the sofa. She was wearing a white blouse and a navy-blue skirt, as well as black leggings. Her usual OL look.

She had a cup of tea in her hands as well.

This try-hard was trying to look all sophisticated again.

Since Darkness and Megumin had been constantly grinding their characters in this RPG-like game, including the slime that was somehow the MVP of the party, Aqua and I had vastly underleveled characters.

In fact, this 'Slime-kun' was now carrying us.

"Hey, Darkness, do you think I'm attractive?"

"I'm sorry, Aqua. I may be nearing the age where women are deemed 'too old for marriage', but I'm not into women, so…"

"I wasn't trying to hit on you!"

Aqua seemed to be at her wits end.

"Say, I haven't seen Megumin today."

"That's because Kazuma woke up at noon again. She left earlier to play with Yunyun."

"Ah, so those two are doing their yuri act again. Hey Darkness, take over for me. I'm getting bored."

"I find that difficult to believe, Kazuma. This game is very exciting."

"There's nothing exciting about being overshadowed by a slime, is there? This game has an affection points system as well as a dating sim mechanic. But this slime has more affection points with the heroines than I do. Why is this damn slime so popular?"

"L-Leave Slime-kun alone already."

The slime was pitied by my own party members.

I gave Darkness my controller. She took my place and played with Aqua.

I changed out of my tracksuit and into my street clothes, then headed out.

I wanted Yunyun to teach me that Teleportation spell, but I didn't know where those two were hanging out.

That was, until, I heard a loud noise from the outskirts of town.

As I headed over to Megumin's usual explosion spot, I came across a familiar face.

"Ah, isn't that Kazuma-sama? Greetings."

It was Serena.

There was an entourage of men swarming around Serena.

Were these her disciples?

When I thought about it, I didn't know which god or goddess it was that Serena worshipped.

She didn't have the symbol for the Eris church, and she certainly didn't seem like she was involved in the shady Axis cult.

"Serena-sama, here is the Iced Neroid you wanted."

"Oh, thank you, Rust. Kazuma-sama, would you like one as well? Rust, be a dear and get Kazuma-sama some Iced Neroid."

Um, I don't think his name is Rust. That's Dust, isn't it?

Even though Serena has been calling him by an entirely different name, Dust just nodded and walked away.

He didn't even glance my way or acknowledge me. And there was a certain emptiness in his eyes…

When I looked at the others accompanying Serena, they all had that vacant, lifeless look in their eyes.

Serena followed my gaze. She smiled and said,

"What can I do… For some reason, these people wanted to be my disciples. Haha…"

Certainly. In these past few days, Serena has gathered quite a following.

"Anyways, Kazuma-sama, are you free right now?"

"I've actually got plans…"

"I see… I've actually been meaning to have a talk with you, but if Kazuma-sama is busy, perhaps another time?"

I nodded. She smiled and walked away, the crowd following her.

As I was about to leave, Dust came back with the Iced Neroid, only to find that he'd been ditched.

"Oi, Rust, I mean, Dust. If you're looking for Serena, she just ditched you."

As I talked to Dust, the vacant look in his eyes started fading.

"...Eh? Kazuma? What am I doing here? Oh, Iced Neroid. How did this get here? Well, don't mind if I do…"

He chugged the drink he was supposed to deliver to Serena.

"Puwah! That was good… So, seriously, what the hell is going on? Wasn't it supposed to be night time? Why is the sun out?"

"...This is some pretty unusual behavior, even for Dust. Oi, don't tell me you've been partaking in some illegal substances…"

"What the hell is Kazuma implying about me?! Hey! Even as a joke, you can't just say that! What if the guards hear?!"

That reaction just made me even more suspicious.

"Anyways, Kazuma, what are you up to?"

"Me? Well, I was planning to go over to where Yunyun and Megumin is…"

"Oh, yeah. Speaking of Yunyun, wasn't she just here? The last thing I remember… We were at the guild having some dinner. Well, I was having dinner and Yunyun just sat across from me. As I was reaching for my beer… Ah, that's right! I accidentally spilled the beer just as that Serena babe passed by! The beer spilled all over her white robes, near her thighs. The robes became see through, hehe. I was able to get a glance of her toned thighs and black leggings…"

"Are you sure this was all just an accident?"

It seemed intentional to me.

"Me and some other guys were admiring the sight and then… Eh? My memory is blank after that point."

This was quite the mystery.

Not a very intriguing mystery considering what I just heard, but there was definitely something going on. And Serena was at the center of it.

"Since Yunyun was with Dust at the time, maybe she knows more about what happened. Wanna tag along?"

"Well, sure. Not like I have anything else better to do."

 **Part 5**

We found them still lingering at Megumin's favorite explosion spot.

They were having a picnic.

"...Yunyun, please stop hanging out with me against my will. Carry me back already."

"N-No! This is my rare chance to have Megumin all to myself. I won't let this chance go!"

Correction, Yunyun was having a picnic there. Megumin was just sort of laying on a blanket, still unable to move after casting explosion magic.

Megumin was the first to notice us.

"Kazuma, I'm glad you're here. Please help me. This desperate loner is doing something weird again."

"Eek! I swear, this isn't a crime! Oh, it's just Kazuma-san. And… Dust-san, too?! Dust-san, what happened to you yesterday! You ditched me yesterday! It's not that unusual for Dust-san to ditch me, but something about the way you ditched me yesterday was weird!"

The ditching was just part of their usual routine?

"Yeah, about that, can Yunyun fill in the blanks for me? All I remember was seeing a pair of sexy legs and…"

"...Um, after Dust-san and the other male adventurers nearby were ogling at Serena-san, they all started acting weird. The light left their eyes and they all got up to follow Serena-san. She seemed quite surprised… No, not surprised, as if she didn't understand what was going on, it seemed more like something out of her own control happened?"

Yunyun couldn't grasp the whole picture, but she did provide us with some important clues.

"Serena is probably the cause of all this, huh? She seemed pretty harmless at the start, but maybe there's something going on with her?"

"I told Kazuma and everyone already! I could sense something strange about her!"

Megumin's chuuni senses actually struck gold this time.

"Hey, I don't know if this Serena babe is really all that suspicious or not, but she has a huge following you know? If Kazuma snoops around or picks a fight with her, half the town will riot."

"Saying 'half the town' is really quite the exaggeration. Isn't it just the desperate, lonely males who are flocking around her? Frankly, I often hear them say 'Finally! A beautiful girl without any crippling eccentricities appeared in this town!'"

"...I somehow got the urge to fight those guys, Kazuma."

I didn't want to provoke Megumin's wrath, so I left it at that.

It's not like I was sure if our suspicions against Serena had any validity to them.

I remembered that I initially wanted to seek out Yunyun to have her teach me the Teleport spell.

After seeing her demonstrate it and teach me the finer points of the skill, I used my vast amounts of Skill Points to learn the skill.

Afterwards, I carried Megumin home, leaving the still disoriented Dust in the hands of Yunyun.

Megumin wanted to come along, but she'd have only made things more complicated. She was still unable to move, so I left her in the living room.

I found Serena easily enough at the guild.

Those guys were still hovering around her, but their numbers had decreased significantly.

I watched from afar and observed them, using the Lip Reading skill to spy on their conversations.

"...Um, your name was Theo, right? Then, Theo-san, I want you to confess to your crush while buck naked."

"...I can't… Do… That… Eh? What am I doing here…?"

Just like what happened to Dust earlier, this Theo person seemed to snap out of a daze. He looked around his surroundings in confusion.

"Hah… That's one more down. Geez, when will the rest of them snap out of my control?"

For the next hour or so, I watched Serena attempt to make unreasonable requests to the guys surrounding her.

"You, go to that beautiful receptionist and tell her 'Oi, I'm a capable adventurer aren't I? Then as a reward, drop that blouse and show me your big, beautiful chest'."

"...There's no way… I can do that… Eh? Where am I?"

Serena grew increasingly confident. She muttered to herself,

"I see. It's been a while since I had to do this, so I almost forgot the method to snap them out of the hypnosis. After all, normally I'd want to have people under my control, not free them out of it. Rather than having them feel as if their debts were paid, it's easier to make unreasonable request to pull them out my control… Stil, coming up with these requests is a pain. Oi, you. Go up to that waitress and tell her that you 'have a short sword down there, but it's not the size of the sword that counts, it's how you use it'."

"...No way I'm doing… that… Eh? Was I dreaming?"

She said it was a pain, but she seemed to enjoy doing this.

I didn't get the whole picture, but I understood that this incident was more or less an accident.

That said, this mysterious power mind control power of Serena's was something I couldn't leave unchecked.

After she got rid of the last guy, I decided to head over and confront her directly.

"...Sigh, that was the last of it… Eh, Kazuma-sama!"

She was normally under control at all times, but she panicked for a split second when she saw me.

"Oh, my. To run across Kazuma-sama like this. Have you eaten lunch yet? Then perhaps we…"

"Um, you can drop the act now. I saw you using your powers…"

"..."

Just because she had weird powers, that didn't make her evil or someone to be wary of.

For all I knew, those powers of hers could have been some kind of weird cheat ability that had an inconvenient drawback.

But, the way her eyes hardened made me think that she wasn't all that innocent.

"I planned on telling you sooner or later anyway. I didn't expect you to figure me out, though. I assume you know that I'm a former Devil King army general as well?"

"...Eh?"

This was news to me.

"You didn't? Oh, I thought you did. Relax, I said 'former' didn't I? Hey, now that the secret's out, want to come over to my place? We can talk over there."

Her meek, priestly attitude was completely gone.

The coldness and indifference I had only seen flashes of before were now fully in display.

 **Part 6**

I didn't have a choice but to follow her, alone.

Bringing the others along would surely lead to a fight. Those hotheads wouldn't be able to contain themselves once they found out Serena used to be a Devil King general.

I was confident in my ability to escape now that I had learned the Teleport spell from Yunyun, though.

"I'm renting this inn. It's not too shabby, but not that luxurious, either, so I don't know if it's up to your tastes."

Serena said, as she lead me inside her room.

"I don't really mind. As an adventurer, I started out sleeping in the stables."

"...It's hard to imagine the famous hero who defeated my former boss had such humble beginnings, but those eyes of yours tell me that you're telling the truth."

Serena sensed the trauma in my eyes and left it at that.

There wasn't a living room or guest room or anything like that, so Serena had me sit on the bed.

There weren't any cooking appliances, but there was an old fashioned kettle and stove. Serena lit a match and started a fire on the stove. She filled the kettle with water and had it boil.

She served tea after the water stopped boiling.

"Now then, shall we begin our talk?"

I nodded. I activated my Sense Motive skill to detect any potential lies.

"First of all, I'd like to say that putting those guys under my control was a complete accident. I didn't expect them to become enslaved just from seeing my legs through wet, see-through robes."

"You underestimate the thirst of a sex-deprived man. So, does Serena have mind control powers after all?"

"Not exactly. It's a passive ability of sorts, given to me by the goddess I serve. I have more than one unique ability, but the main one is my ability to control people as if they were puppets on the condition that they must sincerely feel as if they were indebted to me."

"So… Those guys who were able to gawk at Serena's thighs were…?"

"Yes. They felt so grateful that they were able to come under my spell. Normally, I'd need to do something like cure someone from a life-threatening wound, but…"

Dust and those guys are truly hopeless.

"The only way to break them out of the spell is to have them feel as if they have paid their debt, or make such unreasonable demands that my control over them slips."

Dust snapped out of his control after he bought Serena some Iced Neroid.

That guy actually thought his debt for committing sexual harassment was settled after buying his victim an iced beverage.

"I somewhat understand that strange ability of Serena's now. But what I'd like to know is... What's your reason for coming to this town? And the more I think about it, what was a former Devil King general like you doing in the Satou Kazuma fan club?"

She averted her gaze.

"Well, my reason for coming to this town is to talk with you, of course. As for the fan club… My master said that it was for the sake of recon, but no matter how you think about it, she just sent me there to mess with me."

This master of hers seemed like a troublesome person.

"Alright… Well, if you just wanted to talk, then talk. What did you want to tell me?"

Serena met my eyes once more.

"Let's see… Where to start. Well, first, I should tell you that I was working for Maouko-sama until recently. She's still alive."

I spit out my drink.

"Eh?! That bitch is still alive?! Oi!"

My Sense Motive didn't detect any lies.

"Not only is she still alive, but she has been behind the scenes, influencing events… For example, the civil war that almost came about a while ago was due to Maouko-sama's schemes. She influenced the emergency council with hypnosis. She even tried to get the explosion mage in your party killed during the process."

"..."

That made my blood run cold.

"Of course, she couldn't make any overt movements or the gods and others with clairvoyance techniques like Vanir-san would find out she's still alive, but she makes her move when she can. One of these moves involves her acquiring a former Devil King general like myself. She's known as the Goddess of Destruction, Wolbach-sama. Like the little girl in your party, she is a master of explosion magic…"

Another explosion user?

Not only was Maouko alive and influencing things from behind the scenes this whole time, she was already amassing her fighting potential.

"Why Serena is telling me all this?"

It was strange for a former Devil King general to tell the heroes all of her ex-boss's evil plans.

"Quite frankly, my master and I are choosing the side who we believe has the best chance of winning."

I didn't know if our side really had that much of an advantage, but I wasn't complaining if she wanted to help us.

"Who is this master of yours, anyway?"

"My master… is an existence known as a dark goddess. The goddess of Puppetry and Vengeance… Regina-sama."

And yet another goddess was introduced into this mess.

"She doesn't sound very trustworthy."

"She's a dark goddess after all, and the goddess that a former Devil King general like me serves. What in the world did you expect?"

"That goddess of Destruction, Wolbach, didn't seem all too friendly, either."

"Again, she was formerly associated with the Devil King army. Please don't think that all goddesses are a bunch of goody-goodies like that goddess of fortune and probability, Eris. Tch!"

For some reason, she said 'Tch!' at the mention of Eris.

"That's true. Not all goddesses are good or act as allies of justice. There are some useless goddess who don't do anything all day but idle about, too."

"There's no way such a goddess exists."

She couldn't accept that a goddess like Aqua could ever exist.

"Now that I told you all this, shall we make a truce? I, of course, am saying this as a representative of Regina-sama."

"Sure, but what's the extent of this truce? Are you guys going to help us fight against Maouko?"

"Maouko-sama doesn't know of our betrayal yet, and we plan to keep it that way in case you guys lose. However, we will provide you information and work behind the scenes. I gave you a lot of useful information today, right?"

"...If you guys weren't going to get involved, then why go out of your way to help us?"

"Because we'd rather not have you and your party, especially the explosion girl, as our enemy."

I guess even dark goddesses fear Megumin's destructive potential these days.

"So, do you agree to a truce?"

"Sure, why not."

We shook hands.

"Great. Alright, to seal the deal, why don't we have sex?"

"...Eh?"

What did she just say?

Serena shrugged her shoulders.

"This is the fastest way to show our trust, since we'll be exposing and making ourselves vulnerable to each other. It's not all that uncommon for deals between a man and a woman to end this way."

"Is that really how it works in this world?!"

Sometimes I forgot that I was in a world with different ethics and practices than from the one I came from.

"...In this world? Anyways, a big shot hero like you probably gets a lot of action, so why are you acting like this is such a big deal? It's just sex."

"J-J-J-Just sex?!"

After saying that, she started loosening the collar of her robes.

"Wait, wait! Don't you know that I'm dating that same explosion girl you guys said you were so afraid of?! Don't you know what she'll do if she finds out?"

"...Hmm? Then just don't tell her."

"..."

I didn't expect such infallible reasoning.

True, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

And it's not like you can tell if a guy has lost his virginity or not.

Wait, why am I rationalizing this?!

"So, do you just want to jump straight into it, or do you want to have some foreplay?"

"F-F-F-F-Foreplay?"

"...Why do you keep stuttering?"

Her robes were already open at the front.

I could see her black-lace lingerie underneath.

There was now a half-naked woman beside me on this bed.

"..."

But in the end, I'll have to refuse her.

I have Megumin, after all.

Ah, but I'm really flattered.

For such a beautiful woman to seduce me like this, I'm really quite flattered.

I am truly… grateful…

"Alright. So, should I start or… Eh? What's with that glazed-over look in your eyes? Don't tell me…? Oiiii! Why the hell did you come under my control?! Don't tell me you think you owe me for this?! Come to think of it, you were stuttering and blushing earlier… Are you a virgin or something?!"

Bingo.

…

…

 **Chapter 30 END**

 **Next Chapter: Gifting this town with a Goddess festival!**


	33. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31: Gifting this town with a Goddess Festival!**

 **Editing and Proofreading: LordVTP and Marv**

 **Part 1**

I was under Serena's mind-control for much longer than I expected.

Serena had struggled to come up with unreasonable requests that would snap me out of her control.

"...You're quite the scumbag. You had no problems with the requests I made, no matter how terrible. I even had to restrain you many times to prevent you from humiliating yourself in public."

She looked at me with a glare of disapproval.

"It couldn't be helped. I wasn't myself."

"My ability has its limits. Please don't use that as an excuse. Furthermore, to think that my ability would take effect on you just from my offer to have sex. I didn't think it was so serious a matter, but you reacted in this way. I see. So you're a virgin."

She looked at me with a mix of pity and disappointment.

"Aren't you in a relationship with that Crimson Demon girl? Aren't you a famous hero whose name is known throughout the land? If you have these going for you, then why are you still a virgin?"

"N-Nevermind that. It's clear to me that Serena is used to all kinds of adult affairs, things like concluding a negotiation by bedding the negotiation partner… I guess I should be impressed?"

"If you word it that way, doesn't it seem like I'm a loose woman? I won't deny it, though. I'm a master of manipulation and infiltration. That was my job in the Devil King army. I'm used to things like this. I was only trying to gain your favor with some casual fun. What a shame."

She wasn't at all bothered by my implications. She had absolute confidence in her own identity.

"Be that as it may, I'm glad we could come to an agreement without resorting to unsavory methods. It seems the friendly approach was correct after all."

She said as she stood from the bed and collected our used tea cups. She brought them to the sink.

I pondered her words.

"Out of curiosity, what was the alternative to the friendly approach?"

She turned around and smiled thinly.

"Enslave as many people as possible, use blackmail, backstabbing and other cloak-and-dagger methods to achieve the result I want… That's my usual pattern."

"I see. Then let's get along from now on."

"Yes. Please take care of me."

I preferred the friendly approach.

With the purpose for our meeting fully addressed, there wasn't any reason for me to stick around.

Serena escorted me out of her inn.

As we made our way out, however, we encountered Aqua, who stared at Serena and I, who had just left an inn together.

Her gaze shifted between the two of us.

"I'm telling Megumin."

"Like hell you are!"

I grabbed Aqua's arm to prevent her from spreading any rumors about what she had seen.

Her stats were superior to mine, so I had to exert myself just to keep her in place.

"Wait! This is a big misunderstanding!"

"What exactly am I misunderstanding, hmm~? I saw Kazuma and his fan club groupie leave an inn together. I'm only going to report what I saw with my own eyes to your girlfriend, Megumin, so what's there to worry about, hmm~?"

Aqua, who was clearly enjoying having me in the palm of her hands, said this.

"I thought Aqua was part of my support group! And really, you're just misunderstanding things!"

I wasn't used to having the disadvantage when it comes to Aqua. This was an unpleasant situation.

"It'd be problematic for me if that Crimson Demon girl got any misunderstandings. Listen, fellow priest. Nothing of the sort you're imagining happened. I merely asked Kazuma-sama to come over for tea."

Serena came in with the save.

However, Aqua didn't seem too convinced.

"OK, OK, I get it, Aqua. I just gotta give you some hush money right? How much do you want?"

Aqua rolled her eyes as I took out my wallet.

"I don't need money. If I want to buy something I just put it on your tab, or I use the Kazu-corps company credit card."

She took out her own wallet and waved a black card around.

I still didn't know how the hell she got her hands on that.

"Then, what do you want?"

Aqua had predictable, material tastes. I wasn't worried about what she'd ask from me.

"Don't worry, knowing you it's just a misunderstanding, right? I'm just teasing you. And I don't think you'd have the spine to cheat on Megumin, anyways."

She casually shrugged her shoulders.

I sighed in relief.

"Buuut… Since you offered… For now, let's just say that you owe me a favor, OK? Uehehehe."

Is this thing supposed to be a goddess?

Serena watched Aqua as she left while cackling maniacally.

"That girl… She is no ordinary priest, the way she extorted you. Don't tell me... Does she also worship a Dark Goddess?!"

No, but she might be a Dark Goddess herself.

 **Part 2**

When I came back home, I was greeted by an unusual sight.

Darkness and Megumin were both wearing sun dresses and strawhats. They each had hand shovels and were digging around the garden.

"Oh, Kazuma. You're here. Why don't you change into something more comfortable and help us?"

Darkness made this request as she wiped a light sheen of sweat from her forehead.

"Tell me what you're doing first. Are you surveying the area for landmines?"

Megumin looked up from her work.

"I don't know what these landmines are but they sound cool. But nevermind that. Kazuma, Kazuma, look at these seeds. These are rare magical seeds infused with the earth magic of the ground pixies. They gave these to us just now as thanks for saving them from the evil god."

"By 'evil god', you mean Chomusuke?"

"Chomusuke is not an evil god. She's my familiar. I'm the evil god."

I turned away from Megumin who was spouting confusing things.

She sighed and began explaining for real.

"Once a year, around this time, the ground pixies offer gifts to the gods in the form of these magic seeds. The process to make them is kept secret, and it's a tightly guarded one, but it's said that the ritual is quite thorough and intensive. That's why they are reserved for special events and used as gifts to the gods, or otherwise given to those they wish to express their gratitude to."

Darkness handed me a pouch full of blue seeds. They looked almost like gemstones rather than seeds.

"We're all complete beginners here when it comes to gardening. Shouldn't we hire a professional to do this?"

I could always take some kind of gardening skill.

Darkness shook her head.

"The ground pixies said that the seeds can take care of themselves. All they need is some soil and for us to water them once a day. They will produce a harvest in 3 days or so."

"That's really fast! And convenient!"

"They're magic seeds, after all."

There was always something new to learn about this strange world.

I looked to the dwelling that resembled an ant-hill, where the ground pixies resided. Since the first time, Chomusuke has been occasionally returning to terrorize the ground pixies, though we'd stop her rampage before she could do any harm.

Maybe I should build a fence or something around the ground pixies' home.

I used Create Water on the soil after Megumin and Darkness finished burying the seeds.

When we came back inside, I saw a restless Chomusuke inside the travel cage we used for the times we brought her along on trips.

Megumin freed Chomusuke, who made a dash to the door. I caught her.

"What's up with Chomusuke? Is she in heat?"

I checked down there.

"What does Kazuma expect to find looking down there? And she got all excited when the ground pixies came out. She really likes them, I guess?"

Megumin practiced willful ignorance as she caressed Chomusuke, like a biased parent who doubted all the accusations their ill-mannered child receives for bullying and tormenting other kids.

We moved to the living room, where Darkness prepared and served tea for us. As we were leisurely enjoying our afternoon tea, I brought up a topic I was interested in.

"So the ground pixies are offering these gifts to a god? Do they worship Eris as well?"

Darkness nodded enthusiastically, as if this was a favorite subject of hers.

"There's a belief that ground pixies impart good luck and fortune should they meet a host who treats them with hospitality. As such, they have an affinity towards the goddess of luck, Eris. Just like how toilet imps, which are tiny fey creatures who have the upper half of a monkey and the lower half of a shrimp, who reside in the pristine water of routinely washed toilet bowls, have an affinity towards the goddess of water, Aqua."

Aqua never misses the chance to tell me things about her own lore as a goddess, but she conveniently left this part out.

"Back to the subject of the ground pixies, I assume they prepared these gifts mostly for the Eris festival, but they gave us some of the seeds as well, as we are their benefactors."

I quirked an eyebrow.

"The Eris festival? Is there such an event?"

"Yes, it a festival held to honor Eris-sama. Aside from the food stalls and other forms of entertainment, there is also a custom for young ladies to dress up as Eris-sama. This practice is supposed to allow Eris-sama to descend to our realm and enjoy the festivities without having her identity exposed."

I'm sure she can just disguise herself as a tomboy female thief, though.

"Interesting. A festival where cute girls cosplay as a cute goddess. Very interesting, indeed."

"Why is that the only part you're paying attention to, Kazuma? I won't be cosplaying as Eris-sama or anything."

"I didn't even imply in the slightest that I wanted to see that."

Megumin shook her head as Darkness's shoulders slumped.

"You must be gentle towards Darkness, Kazuma. She is surprisingly delicate."

"Surprisingly delicate…"

Megumin's words only served to worsen Darkness's mood.

"I'm guessing that Darkness will be busy around this time?"

Darkness nodded to my guess.

"That's right. This a rather major event, the biggest festival of the year. I'll have to settle disputes between the marketplaces, tighten up security now that there will be more tourists in attendance this year due to our heroic actions of late, and there will be other things to delegate, too…"

Megumin patted Darkness on the shoulder.

"It seems tough to be a noble."

"Wait, aren't you guys nobles now, too?! Come to think of it, shouldn't I assign you with some jobs to do?!"

Megumin and I stiffened as Darkness finally realized this.

"Does Darkness really want the help of someone like me? During meetings I will introduce myself as the Megumin who is a lone wolf, one who refuses to work with anyone. I will then proceed to threaten anyone who gets in my way."

"As for me, all I need to do is show up to a meeting and the females in attendance will immediately shriek in horror."

"Fine, fine, I get it! You two succeeded in weaseling out of doing any work for me, are you quite happy now?! ...All I ask, then, is that you two keep Aqua from causing any problems for me. She's been acting odd lately, as if she's planning something, so please keep an eye on her."

Darkness leaned back on the couch and massaged her temples.

 **Part 3**

Around dinner time, we received an unexpected visitor.

"Hey guys, ya miss me?"

It was Chris.

We froze on the spot, not expecting to see her suddenly.

Then, I remembered.

"I'm sorrrryyyy!"

I bowed on the spot.

It dawned on Darkness as well.

"I-I'm sorry, Chris! I know we promised to visit you in the capital, but so many things were going on and…!"

"Now, now, it's fine already. Am I the type to hold grudges, hmm~?"

She kept smiling, but it wasn't very convincing.

"If it isn't the kouhai of mine who hasn't shown up in a while. I can guess why you returned. You came here to gloat about the Eris festival, huh?"

Aqua came to join us at the doorway with Megumin following behind her.

"I-I didn't come here to gloat! Anyways, can I come in? I guess you guys already ate dinner, but I brought cakes for dessert."

Ever the well-mannered girl, Chris didn't visit empty handed.

"Bringing presents over is Yunyun's gimmick, but I will happily accept the cake."

We already had dessert after dinner, but it seems like Megumin was up for more.

We had Chris come to the living room and placed the cake she brought and some tea on the coffee table.

"So, Chris, how is life in the capital?"

Darkness asked, as she too took a slice of cake and wolfed it down at almost the same pace as Megumin. She had been stress eating lately, probably due to the festival preparations.

"Oh, well, you know, just thieving around, I guess… Actually, I arrived here a bit earlier than you guys. I came back here since I found the location of another artifact, an armor type. I wanted to ask assistant-kun for help, but you guys were still getting back from the Elroad trip. Ah, good job on that, by the way."

"Did big boss already dispose of this artifact?"

"Well… I couldn't just dispose of this armor like the other artifacts, since it's actually a sentient armor type. I'd feel bad about throwing a sentient being, even if their exterior is that of a lifeless armor, into the depths of a deep lake."

"So that's where most of the other artifacts go."

I glanced at the shield we retrieved last time, which was still hanging above the fireplace.

"Yes. If we should ever need to retrieve those artifacts I threw into the lake, we could always have senpai use her ability to breath underwater and dive down there."

"What did kouhai just say? Who do you think you are, assigning me on scary-sounding missions like that?!"

An indignant Aqua who crossed her arms said this.

"A living armor sounds cool. I'd like to meet this artifact."

Chris shook her head at Megumin.

"I don't think that's a good idea, considering that armor's disposition. Well, maybe if it's Megumin…"

"I don't really understand the context, but I have a feeling I'm being insulted."

Sensing that Chris was trying to imply something when she glanced down at Megumin's chest, Megumin glared intensely at Chris.

"Say, if it's an armor type, wouldn't it be better to give the armor to Darkness? I mean, if it's a useful artifact, then maybe she can use it."

I brought this up after the thought occurred to me.

"Well, an artifact often loses its powers and abilities once it is separated from its original owner. This is to prevent others from misusing the artifacts. In other cases, the artifacts adapt strange conditions for use. In this case with the living armor, it developed some very strange behaviors… Well, if it's Darkness, maybe she'll be able to handle it?"

Chris seemed to consider it.

"As promising as a new armor sounds, I'm quite satisfied with the one I normally use. And I don't think I'll have much use for it now. After all, most of my work will be of the bureaucratic kind."

Darkness gave a somewhat bitter smile.

"I don't get it. This is the Darkness who's always itching to fight some powerful monster. Are you saying you'd rather do boring paperwork all day?"

A disbelieving Aqua said this.

"W-Well…! It's not like we have any powerful opponents lately…"

Yeah, about that.

Since big boss is here, maybe I should tell them now.

I was conflicted, however.

Everyone looks so comfortable and carefree.

I was hesitant to tell them that Maouko was still alive and waiting for any opportunity to attack.

Maybe I'll wait until after the Eris festival.

Serena will alert me once Maouko starts making movements, anyways.

And I already sent a letter to the capital. If Maouko is trying to raise an army again, the king should be informed.

With all this in consideration, I kept my mouth shut as the others enjoyed catching up with Chris.

 **Part 4**

The next day, I found Aqua and Chris in the living room. They were playing the usual RPG together.

"The slime in this party is surprisingly reliable! Not only is he our primary damage dealer, but he has healing spells and can tank a bit of damage, too!"

So even Chris was enamored with this slime.

"Kazuma, go ahead and take over for me. I have somewhere to be. Unlike the Kazuma who idles around all day, I have something to do."

Aqua handed me the console controller as she got up from the couch.

"I don't mind taking over for you, but don't be so rude about it."

I snatched the controller from Aqua's hands and sat down beside Chris.

Putting on her favorite hagoromo, Aqua told us she'd be back after a few hours and then left.

"Hey, assistant-kun. Any idea where senpai is headed?"

Chris asked me, while her eyes were still glued to the screen.

"I'm not sure. She didn't even mention that she had plans today."

I switched to my own character. I was trying to build him like a magic swordsman type, but since I was distributing my stats between warrior and mage skills at a low-level, my character was still being outshined by the slime who had surprisingly good capabilities.

"I wonder… senpai is usually very talkative. The reason why she's keeping quiet about this… C-Could it be…?!"

Chris suddenly stood up, dropping the controller. I caught it. I didn't want to make another trip to the V.I.P. heaven gift shop just to find replacement parts for the console.

"What's wrong, big boss?"

"The Eris festival is coming soon. Knowing senpai, what if she's planning to sabotage it?! The reason why she's keeping quiet is that she doesn't want us to find out, right?!"

"That does sound like something she'd do."

"Please don't agree with me so quickly! Even if it's senpai who can be a bit immature at times, surely she won't do that…"

I handed back the controller to Chris as she calmed down and returned to her seat.

"I didn't expect big boss to get so worked up about this festival. I guess even the humble Eris-sama has a part of her that craves attention, huh?"

"W-What's wrong with that? I appreciate the efforts of my dear followers, who put a lot of effort every year to honor me with this festival. Truly, I'm very thankful and I take this festival quite seriously. I guess that's why I got a bit paranoid about senpai… Haha…"

"Yeah, that accusation kinda came out of nowhere, didn't it?"

"No, well… senpai kept grumbling about how it's not fair that there's an Eris festival in Axel but not an Aqua festival. And she kept complaining about it last night. That's where I got my suspicions from…"

"If that's the case, we can't rule out the possibility."

"Then I should be worried after all?!"

She started panicking again.

"N… No, I trust senpai. At least, I want to trust her, surely that's not the case."

She attempted to convince herself by convincing me.

For now, I just agreed with her sentiments.

…

...

After playing with Chris for a bit, I left the house and wandered the streets, looking for something to occupy my time with.

The market stalls were undergoing a sort of post-lunch, snack time rush hour, although the lines of customers came at intermittent bursts.

The street food in the nation of Belzerg was noticeably homogenous, though I did find some variance between regions, not exactly in the cooking style, which was comprised mostly of standard grilling techniques, but in the ingredients used.

For example, there were more exotic ingredients used in the capital due to the availability of high-level monsters, while Axel's cuisine was characterized by Axel-based staples such as Giant Toad.

There is a trickling of Crimson Demon cuisine that is starting to integrate itself into all manners of regional cookery, however, as Megumin's home had made more of an effort to open itself to outsiders, influencing the rest of Belzerg and in turn, being influenced themselves by Belzerg's cuisines.

This cultural exchange was exemplified most by the adoption of Crimson Demon spicy beer in Belzerg's boozing favorites.

As I idly mused over these mildly amusing matters, I came across a certain priest, now revealed to be a former Devil King general, and two other former Devil King generals.

This scary congregation were now chatting in the middle of the street, with the crowd around them only giving the group a passing glance, despite the overall threat level of this group.

"Ah, that boy who is standing over there and gawking at moi, the useless shopkeep, and the hapless kouhai of mine who just gave me her pocket money in fear of the great moi, how art thou? Is thou duty as the master of a certain mad dog goddess starting to exhaust thou yet?"

Probably the most powerful among these three former Devil King generals, Vanir, casually called out to me.

"Kazuma-san! Hello, it's been awhile! Since it's been awhile, why don't you come over to my shop some time? We have a new shipment of an excellent product!"

Wiz had soot marks all over her face. She probably had just purchased something worthless again and was in turn given a Vanir style Death Beam as punishment.

I turned to the third member of this strange trio, who looked uncomfortable being in the company of Vanir and Wiz.

"H-Hello, Kazuma-sama. I wasn't aware that you were acquainted with Vanir-sama and Wiz-sama. It's… It's a good thing we're partners now, right? Haha…"

"The Celestina who is shaking in her boots is quite amusing! And the partnership between the boy and Celestina is even more amusing! Buwahaha!"

Vanir said something interesting before he started laughing maniacally.

"Celestina?"

"Yes. That is this servant of the chibi goddess's real name. She uses the alias 'Serena' to protect her identity. Though, perhaps, she has things like aliases because she thinks it's cool when she plays her little spy games?"

"E-Enough, Vanir-san!"

Even the cool-headed Serena… Well, I guess her real name is Celestina… Had a hard time dealing with Vanir.

"Anyways, Vanir, any reason why you three are huddled together like that?"

Vanir flashed a smug smirk.

"Wouldn't thou like to know? Well, moi will tell thou since thou is the only one who can prevent that mad dog goddess to ruin my plans. Moi had come up with a scheme… a method to make huge profits during the upcoming Eris festival. And moi has need for Celestina's services!"

This seemed suspicious, but knowing Vanir, I doubt this operation would be harmful in the grand scheme of things.

"Well, good luck, then. Oh, and Wiz, have you seen Aqua around lately? I've been told that she's been acting strangely the last few days."

Wiz tilted her head as she thought about it.

"Strange… But Aqua-sama has been acting like she usually does? Ah! I'm not implying that she's usually strange!"

There's no need to hide the truth, though.

"I guess she's been talking about the Eris festival an unusual amount. Oh, she did say something curious. 'If there's an Eris festival, why can't we have an Aqua festival instead?!', she said. Then she demanded for me to make her more tea and prepare some snacks…"

"Thou dimwitted shopkeeper! Why does thou spoil that rotten goddess so?! Do not waste the shop's limited funds for entertaining that ungrateful guest of yours!"

"Please don't speak ill of Aqua-sama, Vanir-san! Aqua-sama is our friend!"

Serena looked to me as if asking for help, but I had already started using Lurk on myself.

I snuck away before Vanir lost his temper and started firing Death Beams everywhere.

 **Part 5**

"Hm? Yeah, that's right. I'm making an Aqua festival on the same day as the Eris festival. It's not exactly a secret."

Aqua said this when I found her boozing in the Adventurer's Guild and confronted her about her suspicious behavior. But my detective work felt like a waste of time after she confirmed it so bluntly.

"I don't think the Eris followers will appreciate you doing that."

"Hm? I already got permission from them."

"What, how?!"

I didn't expect this at all and almost spit out the beer I had been drinking.

"Well, I am part of the Kazuma-led party who are the heroes of this land, yes? When I brought the topic up with the people who were setting up the stalls, they said something like 'Ah, is it not the goddess Aqua who the Arch-Priest of the Devil King-slaying party serves? And goddess Aqua is also the senpai of goddess Eris. Then it's fine if we celebrate the two goddesses on this festival'. It's a shame that they don't believe that I'm actually the goddess Aqua and not just a random Arch-Priest, but I'll take what I can get."

Before I knew it, the people's opinion of Aqua as a goddess had risen.

I hope this doesn't mean that we get anymore zealous Aqua cultists running around.

"Then, that's fine, I guess. Just don't get in the way of the Eris church. Have you told Darkness about this yet?"

"She seems busy, so I just asked the stall people to tell her about it when she comes to check up on them tomorrow."

Darkness is due for a shocking surprise, then.

"Hey, Kazuma, want to help out? There's an Axis cult representative in this town who will help me, but I could always use more help."

Perhaps because she had been drinking, there was a slight blush on Aqua's cheeks as she asked me this.

"Well, I guess I do kind of owe Aqua a favor for not misunderstanding that situation the other day."

"Great! I knew I could count on you!"

She patted my back.

"So, what kind of stalls is Aqua running?"

"I actually have an idea about that. You know those magic seeds we got from the ground pixies? Once they bear fruit, I wonder if we can use the first harvest and sell them in the stalls? Since the plants can bear multiple harvests, we will have a lot of excess leftover anyways, you know?"

"What a surprisingly good plan. Hey, I thought Aqua's stats were already hard stuck? When did your Intelligence increase?"

"I'm being insulted?! Even though I came up with such a brilliant plan, I'm still being insulted?!"

I couldn't help but poke fun at Aqua.

"So, are we just selling these fruits as is? I don't even know what kind of fruits they'll be."

"Hmm… We could sell them as they are for a high price, but I bet we'd attract more customers if we made made them into actual dishes. Well, Kazuma is the one with the Advanced Cooking skill, so I'll leave that part to you!"

She delegated the hardest task to me unashamedly.

Well, I don't mind. It's the first time I've seen Aqua so passionate about something.

"OK, then! Now that we got all that boring stuff out of the way, let's celebrate! Hey, barkeep! Two more bottles of Crimson Demon spicy beer, please!"

"Coming right up!"

I looked at the bottles that contained the Crimson Demon speciality beer.

On the label, it read:

 _Crimson Demon Spicy Beer!_

 _Disclaimer: The Crimson Demon village is not responsible for any allergic reactions or any deaths caused by said allergic reactions to the spices contained in this drink._

I guess they learned their lesson.

 **Part 6**

Within the next few days, the seeds finally bore fruit.

They hung from the tall stems of plants that grew from the seeds.

"These are Amber Berries… No, they are a special variant. Most Amber Berries have a sugar coating which is a golden, honey-like color, but these are blue colored…"

Megumin said as she observed the berries that grew from the seeds.

Apparently, Amber Berries had the property of using its own sugar reserves to form a thick sugar coating, which was similar to honey, around it as a defense mechanism.

The sugar coating may attract some creatures who have a liking for sugary substances, but they'd break a few teeth or claws while attempting to penetrate through the dense outer-layer.

Darkness had a rare break from her duties, but Aqua was working hard on her festival preparations. As for Chris, she said she'd catch up with some acquaintances she hadn't seen in a while.

"This ojou-chan is slacking off today, huh?"

I used this opportunity to tease Darkness.

"I'm.. I'm not slacking off! The others in the planning committee insisted that I take the day off!"

Darkness said, blushing as she immediately went on the defense.

Megumin sighed and started to scold me.

"Darkness has been looking forward to this harvest, so don't ruin this for her. As a sheltered lady, she's interested in how nature works, and how the peasants who are lower than her survive by living off the land…"

"Why did Megumin say it in such a weird way?! Doesn't it make it seem like I'm a snooty noble if you say it like that?!"

We resumed our work after having had our fill in teasing Darkness.

Perhaps as a way to prove us wrong, Darkness made sure to work extra hard in picking the berries.

As we had several basketfuls of these berries, which were of the same size as an apple, I asked this question,

"Say, these Amber berries are usually golden in color, right? Why do you think this batch is blue?"

Megumin tilted her head as she carried a small basket in her arms. Like the other day, she and Darkness were wearing sundresses and straw hats.

"Maybe it has to do with the magical properties of the berries? Mana by itself, as an intangible, formless property, doesn't possess color, but if they are densely packed, like in a manatite crystal, they will often appear with a blue color."

Sort of like how mana potions traditionally appear in games, then?

I had another question for Megumin who seemed to be knowledgeable in all kinds of things.

"If the outer-layer is so thick, then how do we eat these things?"

"From what I read, one method for preparing these is to make pies, or a sort of cobbler, out of them. First, you'd need to melt the sugar coating in a high temperature using an oven. Once the fruit and it's defensive coating is malleable, you'll mash it into a pie filling. At this point, the sugar coating will melt and mix with the berries, producing a gooey consistency. Then you make and bake the pie crust and make a pie or cobbler out of it."

I involuntarily drooled at Megumin's description of this dish.

"You can also skip the pie crust and put the baked Amber Berry into a stick and eat it as is. Just make sure the outer layer is soft enough to bite and chew on. Ah, you can also make a jam out of these berries."

There were many methods and I was getting excited to try them out.

First, we tried the simplest method. We baked the berries until the outer-layer was soft enough for safe consumption. Then we pierced them with a stick and tasted them.

"...! Delicious!"

Darkness's eyes widened as she took a bite of the baked Amber Berry on a stick.

"The outer layer is a bit hard to chew on, but it's sweet and melts in your mouth. The berry itself is a bit mild and not as sweet, but it compliments the sugar coating very well!"

"Nom… The berry itself isn't very sweet because… Nom… The sugar from the berry is gathered and formed outside… Nom… And makes the 'amber' shell characteristic of this berry… Nom."

"Don't talk while eating."

I scolded Megumin as she talked between mouthfuls.

The next dish we prepared is the Amber Berry pie.

It was a similar process. First we baked the berries, but then mashed them into a pie filling.

The viscous consistency separated them from normal berry-based fillings, however.

I made a simple pie dough and placed it within a metal pie pan, taking a fork to make small indents around the dough.

With a spoon, we scooped the berry filling in, and closed it all off with another layer of pie dough, forming a roof.

I brushed some egg wash around the dough, so it would come out with a nice golden color.

We put it in the oven just long enough for the dough to bake, but not long enough for the filling to overcook or dry out.

I remembered something that was commonly done with pies back in my old world. I didn't have opportunities to try this myself but I sometimes saw it in movies, especially western ones.

I went to the store while the pie was baking. When I came back, Megumin was in the process of taking the hot pie from the oven and putting it on a cooling rack.

"What did you get from the store, Kazuma?"

"I went to the dairy and bought a bucket of freshly churned ice cream."

"Ice cream…!"

Megumin hopped around excitedly as I scooped the freshly churned ice cream onto our straight-out-of-the-oven amber berry pie.

"Oufu! This taste is… marvelous…!"

Darkness was in ecstasy. Her eyes fluttered and there was a healthy flush of pink on her cheeks.

"The crispy pie crust… The gooey berry filling… And the ice cream just holds it all together! Nom, nom, nom!"

Megumin had been in a similar state of bliss, but she quickly snapped out of it and started shoving down slices of pie into her mouth while Darkness was still in a dazed state.

And lastly, there was the jam.

I took a small pot and placed the berries inside. After melting the outer layer on medium heat, I mashed the berry and had it go to a boil.

I made sure not to crush the berries completely, so there would be some chunks left it the jam.

There was already natural pectin in the berries, but my Advanced Cooking skill gave me a sort of instinctive feeling that I'd need more. I asked Darkness to get some packaged pectin from the produce store. While she was there, I also asked her to bring some jars.

The amber berries had plenty of natural sugar so I only added a bit of honey to taste. Aside from that, I added the pectin when Darkness arrived. I also had the idea of adding some red wine into the jam mixture. I topped it all off with some lemon zest.

Once all the ingredients were properly incorporated and mixed, we scooped up the mixture and placed them into the jars.

After sealing them, we placed them in a hot water bat in a pot with already boiling water. I let the jarred jams process and jellify for about ten minutes before pulling them out.

By the time Aqua got back home, the jams were fully processed and had been chilled in an ice water bath.

Since we had already eaten a bunch of treats, we let Aqua handle the jam jasting.

"You guys ate all sorts of delicious treats without me… No fair… Now all I get is this basic jam on toast… Hmmph?!"

Her complaints were cut off as she tasted the jam.

"This…! There's red wine in this!"

"Why is the red wine the only thing you noticed, you alcoholic!"

She finished the toast in three bites and spread some more of the jam on another slice of toast.

"This is really good! Hey, we can make more of these for the festival, right?! The Axis cult needs to sell some kind of food for our stalls!"

Darkness sighed when Aqua brought that up.

"I can't believe Aqua actually got permission from the store district to have an Axis cult festival on the same day as the Eris festival… But all the same, I hope it goes well for Aqua. So, you're planning to sell these jams, huh?"

"That's right! We can put them in smaller jars and put some cute designs on them! Don't you think that will sell well amongst women?"

"That's true… This is a surprisingly good idea, considering it's Aqua who came up with it."

"Even Darkness is making fun of me…"

Around this time, Chris arrived. She got in using the spare key we had given her.

"What's going on, everyone?"

Aqua looked at her smugly.

"Fufu, kouhai. Look at this jam I'm going to sell in the festival. Taste it for yourself."

Aqua scooped some jam into a spoon and forcefully shoved it into Chris's mouth.

"Mmmph! ….? They're good!"

Chris's eyes widened as Aqua pulled the spoon away.

"Aren't they? Fufun. Now that I look at them, don't they perfectly suit me? I mean, look at this beautiful blue color. These jams will be the highlight of the festival!"

"Is… Is that so? Then, good luck, senpai… Haha…"

Looking conflicted, Chris weakly laughed as Aqua boasted about the jams she'd sell.

The Eris (plus Aqua) festival will start in two days.

…

…

 **Chapter 31 END**

 **Next chapter: Gifting this Festival with a Goddess Death Match!**


	34. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32: Gifting this Festival with a Goddess Death Match!**

 **Part 1**

Today, the Eris festival has officially started.

Normally, Aqua is the type to wake up really late, but she's up early today, joining the other townsfolk in the market district.

The preparations for stall owners take place in the early morning with the real activities commencing around midday.

Since I sort of promised to help Aqua, she dragged me out of bed to help with the preparations.

I was not alone, she also recruited Megumin.

And also…

"...Why am I helping senpai again?"

"Is it not a kouhai's job to help a senpai when they are in need?"

"I don't think the senpai/kouhai dynamic works that way, senpai. In fact, I think it's supposed to be the opposite…"

Despite her reluctance, Chris was still giving Aqua a hand in setting up her Axis cult stall.

"Darkness would be really useful with this kind of manual labor. Too bad she's busy with her duties."

Megumin said, as she was designing a banner for Aqua's stall. She was using a brush and ink and making some kind of weird calligraphy.

"Don't worry, I have help coming later, a dear follower of mine who runs the Axis cult church in this town. She's just busy doing some black ops right now, but she'll come later."

"Black… Black ops? Did senpai just say black ops?"

Aqua said something suspicious as she monitored the amber berry jams she was planning to sell.

"Nevermind that. Hey, Kazuma, mind telling that takoyaki stall over there to move away from us? They're too close."

"What in the world are you trying to make me do? I'm not some kind of yakuza."

We were situated in the market district's food stall section. There were many festival stalls around town, including clothing stalls, jewelry stalls, and game stalls. It feels like a proper festival.

"Kazuma, that stall over there looks like they're also selling jams. Go over there and intimidate them."

If only Aqua would stop killing the lighthearted festival mood I was feeling right now.

Megumin was in charge of making the banner and Aqua took the task of making the decorations, since artistic skill was her only redeeming point.

Chris and I were left with the manual labor, which included setting up the stall itself. We were given a disassembled stall by the market district committee, but it was up to us to construct it ourselves. Like Megumin said, Darkness is better suited for this job.

My designated duty was simple enough. I used to work as a part-time carpenter, after all. Chris seemed a bit confused about what to do and I had to give her occasional direction.

I felt a bit bad for her, having to work on another goddess's stall during her festival, and told her that she didn't need to force herself to go along with Aqua's whims.

But in response, she shook her head.

"It actually feels good to participate in the festival for once instead of being a mere observer. I can experience firsthand the passion my followers put into the festival preparations. I'm quite touched, to be honest…"

Chris looked around at her followers who were diligently setting up their stalls. She smiled.

"After seeing this, I can't just sit around and take it easy, can I? Along with my followers, I'll do my best to make this the best Eris festival ever!"

"But right now you're helping a rival religion, though."

"Urk!"

I couldn't help but make that little quip, which made Chris lower her head in defeat.

"Aqua, I'm done with the banner."

Megumin stood up from her kneeling position. There was black ink on her hands and on her face from when she tried to wipe the sweat from her cheeks, but got ink on it instead.

Aqua placed down a chibi Aqua bobblehead she was working on and looked over at Megumin's work.

" _Welcome to the Realm of the Great Goddess Aqua_ … Nice, Megumin! Very provocative!"

"Isn't that a bit too much for a food stall?"

I said as I looked at the completed banner. The intensity of it would surely drive customers away.

Not like I expected any customers to come to an Axis-cult sponsored stall.

I agreed to help Aqua but I was never convinced that this idea would succeed.

Aqua will get bored in an hour or so. Then, after she realizes that her stall isn't getting any customers, she'll throw a tantrum and get in trouble with the other stall owners. In that moment, I'll use the Lurk skill and sneak away from the commotion, I thought.

I didn't want to work in a stall the whole time while a festival was taking place.

I also wanted to enjoy the festival.

With Megumin here, it's strange that we're spending this occasion participating in some shady business of Aqua's instead of seeing the sights of the festival together.

It didn't take much longer until we finished the preparations. Around that time, a blonde woman wearing a nun habit approached us.

She gave a small bow to Aqua, then gave us a charming smile.

"I'm sorry I'm late. Intimidating the other stalls took a lot more work than expected. But rest assured, I've thinned out the competition as instructed."

At first glance, she appeared to be a proper, beautiful lady of the cloth.

But she dispelled this illusion of mine after opening her mouth to speak.

First there was Serena, and here's yet another suspicious clergywoman.

"Good job, Cecily. I knew I could trust you with the black ops. Ah, I guess I should introduce you to everyone. Guys, this is Cecily. She's in charge of the Axis cult church here in Axel. She's an important follower of the Axis faith, so treat her as well as you treat me."

"I don't remember giving Aqua any kind of special treatment, though."

"Well… You should! Starting now!"

Cecily, once introduced, came to Megumin's side.

"Ah, Megumin! I didn't expect to see you here! Say, I told you to visit me after I set up a new church in this town, but you never visited, not even once! Well, I'll forgive you since you're such a cutie~!"

Cecily rubbed her cheek against Megumin's. She had Megumin trapped in a tight hug.

"Do you know this woman, Megumin?"

"She's an acquaintance of mine who helped me with all sorts of things before I came here, to Axel. For her to come here… It seems that I have a lot of stalkers. But at least this one isn't as obsessed with me as Yunyun is."

"Ah! That reminds me, I also saw Yunyun-chan the other day! To encounter the two of you Crimson Demon lolis within the span of a few days… This must be Aqua-sama's reward for my hard work in spreading the Axis cult gospel!"

"Hey, where are you touching?! This lolicon… Please don't show this NTR scene to my man over there. I feel bad for him."

Don't mind me.

 **Part 2**

After the introductions were done, Cecily began setting up her own stall, which was next to ours. There was some time until the crowd of festival-goers fill the streets, but Cecily still worked fast.

"Now, now, Cecily, don't work yourself too hard. Don't you remember the teachings of the Axis cult? _There is no need to overwork yourself to meet a deadline. If your work is just as important to someone else as it is for you, even if you slack off, they will do your part of the work for you even if you don't ask them to_."

"How could I forget the doctrine of Aqua-sama?! Very well, I will pace myself from now on!"

I was initially impressed by Cecily's work ethic, but Aqua ruined that impression in an instant.

"Senpai's followers sure are… er… interesting…"

Chris only had this to say after she observed the exchange between goddess and follower.

"By the way, could it be that Cecily-san is aware that senpai is a goddess…?"

"What makes you say that, big boss?"

"I don't know, just the way she looks at senpai makes me feel that way, I guess."

Chris's words reminded me of something.

I've heard news from Alcarentia about how the hot springs Aqua purified that time when we faced the giant poison slime, Hans, actually turned into holy water due to her powers.

This holy water is useful for a religious city like Alcarentia for ritualistic purposes, but they also sold well as a means to fight or deter undead.

After all, most parties don't have a priest among their ranks. And since undead are pretty common mob monsters in dungeons and such, having a vial or two of holy water is a necessity.

When I thought about what Chris said...

It wouldn't surprise me if someone from Alcarentia put two and two together, that the Arch-Priest who could pull of a feat like turning every hot spring in the city into holy water is none other than their very own goddess, Aqua.

"Hm? What are you guys talking about?"

Megumin got curious about what Chris and I were whispering about.

"Say, Megumin, what really is your history with Cecily?"

"Well, it's an interesting story. But if you don't mind listening, I guess I can tell it. First I guess I should start telling from when I was in the Crimson Demon academy…"

"Excuse me, is this stall open?"

Just as Megumin was preparing herself to tell a long tale, our first customer arrived.

There's no appointed time for when the stalls open. If a stall looks like it's done setting up, the customers will start forming lines.

This was the case with the neighboring stalls since a few minutes ago. Somehow, we managed to attract a curious straggler among the early birds.

"Can you come back later? I was about to tell a story about how I first learned explosion magic…"

"We can hear your continued explosion story another time, Megumin. Welcome to the Axis cult stall, sir. Would you be interested in these amber berry jams?"

"A-Axis cult?! Er… Actually, maybe not…"

"My first customer! Goddess bless you! Welcome to my fabulous stall! I suppose you were attracted by Megumin's exciting banner?! By all means, please look at our goods!"

"I couldn't really read the banner from afar since the writing was so esoteric… Now that I look closely… G-Goddess Aqua?! So this really _is_ an Axis cult stall?! What's an Axis cult stall doing in the Eris festival?!"

This man was rightly apprehensive.

"That's right! This is the stall of the benevolent Axis cult! Now, please take a look at these jams. Look at this wonderful blue color that glows like a gem when light hits it. Don't they resemble the glowing eyes of an Axis cultist when they spot an undead?"

"...That's a weird analogy, but they do look pretty."

This guy gave the impression of a gullible sort.

"Yes, yes. How about a taste test, dear customer? You're an out of towner, aren't you? I can tell because your clothes look weird! Here, say ahn~!"

"Um, I'm a devout Eris follower and heard the festivals in Axel were very grand so… Mph?!"

In the middle of his sentence, Aqua shoved a spoonful of jam into our first customer's mouth.

"... A-Amazing! There's a pervasive sweetness that melts in your tongue! It tastes… Sort of like honey. Then when the sweetness subsides, you get the mild taste of the berry's jellied juices…!"

"Fufun. Is this not an impressive product? This jam was grown from the magic seeds of ground pixies, you know?"

"S-Such a rare thing! I'll buy it! Please let me buy it!"

He emptied his wallet to purchase a dozen jars of jam.

We had to give him a box to carry all of it.

"I'm impressed… I didn't know senpai was such a good salesman…"

"That's what you get for doubting my skills."

More like the quality of the product was so good, it can sell regardless of the sales pitch.

"Just leave the sales to me!"

Aqua placed her hands on her hips and lifted her head high.

"If that's the case, then what do you need our help for? Can we leave already? You only needed us to help set up, right?"

"That's not true, Kazuma! We will eventually get a long line and I need as much man power as I can get!"

"But you already have Cecily. Why does she have a separate stall, anyway?"

"She's selling some souvenirs from Alcarentia, traditional Alcarentia sweet buns! They match well with the jam!"

I really didn't see why they couldn't just sell the bread and jam in one stall.

After our first customer, more and more people started trickling in.

Word of mouth spreads pretty fast, especially in a festival setting like this.

Just like Aqua predicted, soon, we needed all the manpower we could get just to deal with the line of people.

Maybe Aqua surprisingly has a talent for business?

"Hahaha! Look at all this Eris we're getting! I guess this is why they call this day the Eris festival! We're rich, we're rich!"

Aqua exclaimed after the line has finally been dealt with.

She was admiring all the Eris coins we earned, tucked into our cash register.

I didn't know why she was so excited about the money, though. It's not like we were in need of money these days.

"Making money… T-That's not really the reason for this festival…"

Chris weakly mumbled as Aqua began counting the cash, needing to start over again once she lost count midway.

"The sweet buns have also sold very well."

Cecily came in to report her earnings.

"Of course they did. All according to plan. People would rather spend their money in different places during a festival, right? Because it feels like you're splurging money if you spend all of it in one place. If we sold the bread and jam in one stall, those poor cheapos will think 'Ah, I can't spend too much'. But if it's in a separate stall, it'll create the illusion that they're properly managing their money and not just splurging it all in one place. And if you buy jam, of course you have to buy bread to eat it with, and there just so happens to be a bread stall conveniently close by. Aren't I a genius, or what?!"

I looked at Aqua as if I were looking at her for the first time.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm impressed, Aqua."

"Heh, so you finally realize my greatness? Let's continue to milk the Eris out of these unsuspecting fools."

She held out her hand. I shook it.

"Aqua and Kazuma make quite the scumbag pair when it comes to business."

Megumin said, her expression seemed to say 'I should have known'.

"Senpai, please stop doing these kinds of shady things in my festival…"

Chris, with a tired expression on her face, said this.

 **Part 3**

After about a couple of hours, Darkness came by.

"Hello, everyone. How are you enjoying the Eris festival?"

She was wearing her usual OL outfit that she wears when she's not adventuring.

She has no concept of street clothes whatsoever. If she's not wearing a combat bodysuit, she overdresses for the occasion.

"The day is going great, Darkness. I've made a tidy profit. See, the Axis cult can run a better festival than the Eris church! We should have our own festival in this city!"

"Er, I'm happy for Aqua, but why does Chris look a bit depressed over there?"

"Ahaha… Don't mind me."

Chris was understandably dispirited after helping out the Axis cult essentially try to upstage her own festival.

"Hey, Aqua, can we take a break? You can have Darkness help you now that she's here."

I saw this opportunity to leave the work to Darkness.

"I… I only came by to check up on everyone! I still have duties to attend to! The Axel police force is short in manpower and…"

"Please, Darkness, save me from this…"

"...I-I guess I can help out for a bit."

Darkness reluctantly accepted once Chris desperately insisted.

Megumin elected to stay behind. She was catching up with Cecily. I still didn't know their history, but they were getting along quite well.

I was a bit worried, though, since Cecily seemed to be one of _those_ characters.

As such, Chris and I enjoyed a bit of a break as we toured around the streets, taking in the sights of the festival.

It was mentioned before, but I had just now begun to notice the Eris cosplayers wandering the streets.

Normally in Japan, girls would wear yukatas and such to the festival, but in here, for the Eris festival, the girls will dress in the likeness of Eris-sama.

When I brought this up with Eris herself, she smiled slightly.

"The belief is that if the women were to dress in the likeness of the goddess Eris, then she will be encouraged to come down to the mortal realm and enjoy the festivities without worrying about hiding her identity."

"Did you start this rumor yourself?"

"Nope. I already had this Chris disguise. And if I were to really come down here in my Eris form, I'd be discovered immediately. Goddesses have a certain aura that her followers will instantly recognize."

"That's not how it was when we went to Alcarentia with Aqua, though."

"That's because senpai doesn't have her full goddess powers and form right now. It wouldn't be fair if assistant-kun actually had a real goddess in his party, you know?"

So not only did I get a useless goddess as a cheat, her only redeeming points, her goddess abilities, were actually heavily nerfed?

"I want a refund."

"D-Don't say that. Senpai has been useful in a lot of ways, hasn't she? And she tries her best in her own way. Just like right now."

"I still can't see her as a goddess like I do with Eris-sama, though."

"Er… I guess I should say thanks? But rather than having you see me as a goddess, or even as your big boss, I kind of envy the closeness you have with senpai."

We've been walking for quite a while, so when we found a bench, we sat on it and resumed our chat.

"In terms of having close friends, doesn't Chris already have Darkness?"

"That's different. Darkness is friends with Chris, but reverently worships Eris. Even so... I'd rather keep the relationship we have now. Or so I say, but things have been kind of awkward ever since she found out I was the infamous silver haired thief…"

"I thought that was already resolved?"

"Relationships don't completely reset, but that's how you know that what you have is sincere."

"I honestly don't see what the big deal is. I really didn't think Darkness would take it to heart."

"Her sense of justice and responsibility that was already so great grew even more after you guys became the heroes of this land. The same can be said about Kazuma-kun, no?"

She giggled. Chris was wearing her street clothes today, which was comprised of a light coat jacket that was suited for warmer weather, a simple blouse, and a skirt that just covered her knees.

It was a simple, girly outfit that differed from the thief gear she usually had on, yet still gave her the impression of a tomboy.

"She got mad about Chris keeping a secret the last time, so… Have you considered telling her about your _other_ big secret?"

"I've considered it from time-to-time, but how do you bring up something like that? Imagine finding out that your best friend was the goddess you've prayed to since you were a child."

"Yeah, that's kind of a difficult thing to wrap your head around."

"But I guess I can't keep it a secret forever. Don't you have any secrets you keep to yourself for the sake of keeping the status quo?"

I thought about how I was keeping the whole Maouko business to myself.

"I guess I can sort of understand."

"So assistant-kun really does have a secret? What is it? Something scandalous? You're not cheating on Megumin-san, are you?"

"Why does everyone keep assuming that?!"

Chris only giggled after I couldn't help retorting.

 **Part 4**

As we kept walking around town, not in any real hurry to return to Aqua's stall, we came upon an interesting sight.

"Step right up! One night with the popular bishoujo priest, Serena! If thou wishes to bid, then please form a line!"

By the side of the street, there was quite an elaborate stage. Serena and Wiz are both standing on the stage while Vanir, with a megaphone-like device, addressed the audience, which was entirely comprised of men.

"I bid 400,000 Eris!"

"600,000!"

"1,000,000!"

The same guys who always complained about not having enough money to feed themselves were displaying an impressive amount of wealth.

"Is that the highest thou can go?! One night with this beautiful priest who has captured everyone's hearts! Even though she looks innocent on the outside, she is surprisingly skilled in all sorts of things in the bedroom! Or would thou rather have this beautiful poor shopkeep who has awakened the protective instincts of the men in this town with her helplessness and doe-eyed expression? Moi will start the bid for the poor shopkeep!"

"2,000,000 Eriiissssss!"

As I wondered how in the world Vanir is getting away with this suspicious operation out in broad daylight, I looked at the two women on stage.

While Serena seemed to have resigned to her fate long ago, Wiz still looked very nonplussed about her surroundings.

"W-Wait, Vanir-san?! Are you really selling me off?! No, you can't do this!"

"Maybe thou should have thought of that before buying those useless products the other day! The least you could do is sell off that corpse of a body of yours! Ah, dear customers, that was just an expression, she's not actually a corpse…"

I sighed at the commotion and curiously looked at Chris to see her reaction.

When I followed her gaze, I saw that she was staring right at Vanir.

Then, I remembered.

These two had a confrontation before.

"I FINALLY FOUND YOU!"

This is the first time I saw surprise on Vanir's face.

That's right. He can't use his divination on goddesses.

He probably saw a future where I'd come over to watch his little performance, but he wouldn't be able to see a future where Chris finds him and attacks him in front of an audience.

Which is what's happening right now.

"Gyyaaaa!"

"Eh?! W-What is thou doing here?! Has thou been chasing moi all this time?! Has thou fallen in love with moi?!"

"Shut up! I'll purge you!"

The audience was left stunned as Chris seemingly teleported with the flash step skill. She appeared in front of Vanir.

She took out her magic dagger, which was glowing, and swiped it at Vanir, aiming for the mask.

I thought for sure she'd hit him but he bent back at an unnatural angle and dodged the attack.

She carried the momentum from the swiping attack and lunged down with the blade, but Vanir spun away from the follow up, kicking his legs out.

His movements were pretty creepy.

"O-Oi, what's happening here? Isn't that Chris? Why is she attacking that pimp... I mean, auctioneer?"

"I don't know… I always thought Chris was a normal girl but maybe she has some screws loose in her head?"

I have to stop Chris before she adopts one of Megumin's nicknames.

"Bind!"

I took out my mithril rope and threw it.

"Aha! Assistant-kun, that's right, help me capture this devil! Let's take him down together! Wait, why is that rope heading towards me? Gack!"

Chris couldn't react in time as the rope bound her.

"... _Kazuuumaaaa-kuuuun_."

I heard a terrifying voice from the normally cheerful Chris.

That's because the rope I bound her with took on a perverted shibari pattern.

I don't understand why my skills always have a perverted side effect when used on girls.

At least I didn't steal her panties this time.

…

…

Vanir got rid of the crowd as we took the tied up Chris to Wiz's shop.

Since she had no intention to calm down, I didn't let her out of her bindings.

"K-Kazuma-kun, explain yourself! Why are you siding with this devil! ...Come to think of it, your thieving mask looks just like his… It can't be…!"

She struggled even more with her bindings.

We took Chris to the backroom area of the store, where Vanir and Wiz lived.

I haven't been to this area of the store before, but there wasn't much to see.

Wiz and Serena stayed at the storefront to deal with potential customers.

I also thought it would be a good idea to limit the amount of people around Chris, so she wouldn't feel so intimidated.

It wasn't making much of a difference, though.

Vanir looked at me with a thin smile.

"I should have known that thou would somehow be associated with this stalker goddess. Thou is truly the keeper of mad dog goddesses."

"This one is actually pretty normal compared to the other one. She just acts this way around you, I guess."

"Ah, is this the thing thou calls 'tsundere'?"

"I think she just straight up wants to kill you, Vanir."

I looked pointedly at Chris's murderous eyes.

"W-What do you and this devil plan to do with me?!"

She glared at us suspiciously as she continued to squirm and wriggle in her bindings.

Her face was flushed from the exertion.

Hm?

This behavior…

It seemed familiar.

"Relax, we're not going to do anything. I'll release you once you promise not to hurt Vanir."

"Yes, thou must relax thyself around moi! Moi is a friendly devil! Moi who is adored by the neighboring housewives and small children! Moi who is relied upon to fend off the stray Neroid who sometimes rummage through the trash and rubbish!"

This guy was too far removed from what an Archduke of hell should act like.

 **Part 5**

"...Am I really supposed to believe this? I thought that the Devil who attacked the town before has already been defeated by Kazuma's party?"

"Well, it turns out that certain Devil survived Megumin's Explosion. Also, he came to an agreement of sorts with this town's officials to settle down here. He doesn't cause anyone harm, so they don't have any problems with him."

"So this Devil was actually given permission to live in this town?! How come I wasn't aware of any of this?!"

"At the time… I guess Eris-sama was still dealing with her superiors in heaven for allowing me to reincarnate more than once in this world and wasn't here when that whole commotion took place. Sorry for the problems I caused."

"A-Apology accepted. Still… Am I really supposed to believe that we can trust this Devil?"

It took a while to get Chris to calm down.

I had explained the situation to her, while constantly reminding her to keep an open mind.

"Thou can trust moi! I don't seek to harm humans! Why would one cause harm to their main source of food and entertainment? As long as humans are multiplying, that means that there are more livestock for Devils to feed on! And as long as humans are happy, the negative emotions they will produce will taste all the more sweeter!"

"I should really kill this Devil after all!"

"Now, now. I'll only let Chris out of my Bind if you promise not to attack Vanir."

"...Fine. I'll agree to a ceasefire for now."

I used Drain Touch to deplete the mana in the rope until they fell down.

Chris gingerly stood as she rubbed her wrists.

"That pattern… It was unintentional, right?"

"Yeah, the Luck stat affects my skills in mysterious ways."

"Don't blame the aspect I govern! It's assistant-kun who is using his luck in perverted ways!"

She was still a bit testy but at least she wasn't hostile anymore.

"If somebody else told me to trust a Devil… Sigh, why do I trust you so much?"

She weakly smiled at me.

"Hmm… Moi can't read the mind of this maddog goddess, but moi can still taste the emotions from thou… Thou shame in having to tolerate the presence of a Devil within your reach… As well as the curious emotions I tasted from you when you were captured… It's all very delicious! The most delicious negative emotions I've ever had!"

"Kazuma, I'm not going to kill him, but can I give him a good pounding?"

"By all means. He can take it."

"Moihahaha! Yes, yes! Give moi more of these feelings of shame and indignation!"

"Stop running away! Why are you so damn flexible?!"

I excused myself before I could get caught in the middle of the conflict again.

I left the backroom and came to the storefront. Wiz and Serena were at the counter.

"Oh? Is Serena working here in the store now?"

Her eyebrow twitched.

"Please don't give Vanir-san any strange ideas…"

Wiz looked behind her worriedly at the sounds of fighting from Chris and Vanir.

"Are those two going to be alright? They seem to be fighting?"

"They're not going to kill each other, don't worry."

"T-That's not really reassuring…"

While these two were here, I asked them about what they were doing with that 'auction' earlier.

"Vanir-san explained afterwards that he wasn't actually planning to sell our bodies. He just predicted that you'd come across our stage, take pity on us, and then buy us so we wouldn't end up having to spend the night with some strange men…"

That scam artist devil was targeting me this whole time.

"After all, despite Kazuma-san's rough exterior, he has a good heart."

"Yes, Wiz-san, I've come to see that despite his tendency to act like a scumbag, he has a solid set of principles."

These nee-chan types looked at me as if I were a small child who was behaving well.

"Well, I hate to leave you with Chris, but I should probably get going now. Aqua will throw a tantrum if I don't come back and help out with her stall. Geez, it's just one goddess problem piled on top of another."

"Actually, about that…"

Serena said, smiling uneasily.

"...What now?"

"I just received word from my master, Regina-sama, that she's coming here to the festival to pay a visit. She wants to speak with you, too. So… Well… That's another 'goddess problem' for Kazuma-san to deal with… Haha…"

…

…

Aqua was pretty livid when I came back.

"Kazuma, where in the world were you?! And where's that kouhai of mine?!"

"She's preoccupied with a certain Devil. And it seems like Darkness is working hard in our stead, anyways."

"Hm? Oh, she met that Devil? I hope she gave him a good smacking."

She didn't seem too concerned.

I took my place beside Darkness. She glanced at me.

"Kazuma and Chris ditched me with their work while they went off to have fun… Ah, this feeling of abandonment…"

After seeing the usual display from Darkness, I thought about Chris's behavior when she got captured.

I leaned over to Aqua and whispered,

"Hey, I have a question about goddesses…"

"Hm? Kazuma is finally interested in joining the Axis cult? By all means, you're welcome to join! Even if you said insulting things about my religion in the past, I'll forgive you! Cecily, do you have any Axis cult registration forms with you?"

"Of course I do."

I stopped Cecily before she could pull out a form.

"No, stop it with the pushy recruitment tactics already! Seriously, who's the insane person who came up with those, anyway?!"

"Urk…"

Megumin groaned and hid herself, for some reason.

"Anyways, about goddesses… It's true that the followers of a goddess will adopt some traits of the goddess they serve, yes?"

Aqua nodded her head to my question.

"Yep. That's absolutely right. For example, my followers share some of my artistic skills. They also share my burning hatred for the undead and the Devil King's army and their eyes will glow blue when they are in the presence of these enemies!"

They also shared her tendency to cause all sorts of problems.

"The more devout the follower, the more they can adopt the goddess' traits. It might even be possible to develop a hidden personality that the goddess themselves might not be aware of."

"Aqua, as usual, has a lot of knowledge about weird things."

"Hehe. Compliment me more!"

She interpreted my thinly veiled insult as a compliment.

I looked towards Darkness again. She noticed me.

"W-What is Kazuma looking at me like that for?"

"Darkness, let's pretend that you're a female thief who got captured by a wicked Devil and a comrade you thought you trusted. How would you react?"

"...! Such a scenario! A wicked Devil you say?! And a comrade has betrayed me?! Captured… Tied up… Unable to move… A female thief who has been captured…! Kyaaa! My comrade…! W-What do you and this devil plan to do with me?!"

So, it's really like that after all.

Even that last part was the same.

With this little mystery solved, I went back to helping Aqua with her stall.

We finally ran out of stock as the sun started to set.

"Thanks for the hard work, everyone! Even the sweet buns have sold out!"

Aqua was in an appreciative mood as we cleaned the stall.

"That was quite fun. I didn't think we'd sell so many."

Megumin had a satisfied smile as she counted the Eris in the cash register.

"This amount of money… Hey, Aqua, since we don't need any more, how about donating your earnings to the local charity?"

Darkness made this reasonable offer.

"Hah?! You mean the charity that is sponsored by the Eris church?! Now why would I do that?! If I'm going to donate to any charity, it'd have to be an Axis cult sponsored one!"

Hearing Aqua's words, Cecily included herself into the conversation,

"Then why don't we build one? Using the money we earn in this stall, we can build our own Axis cult orphanage."

"...! That's a great idea! Those evil doers of the Eris church are taking poor children without a family and poisoning their minds with the teachings of the Eris cult! Curse them! We'll rescue those children, Cecily!"

These two were a dangerous combination.

I didn't feel like intervening, so I left that for Darkness to deal with.

Meanwhile, I felt a tug on my sleeves. It was Megumin.

"Kazuma, Kazuma. The festival really gets going around nighttime. Wanna see the festival together with me?"

 **Part 6**

I went to sightsee the stalls with Chris earlier, but we hadn't visited any of them.

With Megumin, she didn't hesitate at all to drag me to a takoyaki stall.

"The takoyaki looks good… Mmn, it tastes good, too.".

"Then I'm glad I didn't go all yakuza on this stall, like Aqua wanted me to."

"Isn't Kazuma hungry after a day of work? Why don't you eat?"

"I guess I'll eat something. How about that yakisoba over there?"

I purchased two yakisoba sets. We took our food and sat at a bench across from the stall.

After wolfing down the yakisoba, Megumin wanted dessert. We browsed around until we came across a shaved ice stall.

"T-The explosion girl?! ...W-What do you want?"

Megumin still carried a reputation for being volatile.

"Oi, want me to blow this stall up?"

And for good reason.

"Eeeek! I'm sorry! W-What would you like?"

"Hmm… Ah, how about this lovers combo?"

"C-Coming right up!"

The stall owner frantically prepared the shaved ice for us.

I felt sorry for the guy, so I gave him a big tip.

It was an unwritten rule that wealthy adventurers should tip well and stimulate the local economy, after all.

"Here's the lovers combo…"

He gave us a plastic bowl filled with shaved ice, pink syrup, strawberries and romantically themed decorative toppings.

We both stared at the bowl.

"...This is… Kind of not my style."

Megumin said while staring pointedly at the heart shaped chocolate resting atop pink frosting.

"Yeah, this is a bit too much, but it'd be a waste to throw it away."

"Oh? If you two aren't going to eat that, mind giving it to me? I love sweets~!"

I heard an unfamiliar sing-song voice.

Without us noticing, a little girl with violet hair and eyes had appeared beside us.

She wore loose, violet robes that matched her hair and eyes. She held a doll in her hand, but carried it not in a careful way, almost letting it drag across the ground as she walked.

"Sooo~? Can I have it if you guys aren't eating it?"

The little girl said in her cheery sing-song voice, swaying excitedly as she eyed the shaved ice.

We had the little girl sit with us. After tossing the doll on the bench, she sat down, took the bowl of shaved ice, then started digging in.

"Thanks for the food~!"

I expected her to immediately dig in like Komekko would, but this child seemed to have good manners.

She ate at a moderate pace and displayed good table manners.

"Say, little girl, are you lost? Where are your parents?"

As expected of an elder sister, Megumin's instincts easily surpassed mine.

"I'm not lost. I'm an abandoned child."

"Ehh?!" x 2.

Megumin and I both exclaimed.

"Or I guess it'd be more appropriate to say I was banished?"

"That's awful…"

"I mean, I _am_ a fallen goddess, after all."

"That's… Eh?"

I did a double take.

"Um… What did you say your name was again, little ojou-chan?"

She smirked and said,

"My name is Regina. Nice to meet you."

My body stiffened.

She leaned over to whisper to me.

"Now, now, don't be so scared. We're allies now, remember?"

Her words relaxed me a little.

Serena described Regina as the goddess of manipulation and vengeance.

Even if we were allies, my body couldn't help but get tense.

"Megumin, why don't you buy some more sweets for Regina-chan?"

I gave my wallet to Megumin, who didn't hesitate to bolt to a food stall.

"Your lover is pretty charming. So that's your type, huh?"

Regina said with a knowing smirk.

"Err… Regina-sama…?"

"Just Regina is fine. You can even call me Regina-chan, boya."

"Oh, uh, ok."

I stumbled over my words, not really sure how to respond.

I didn't know how to deal with Regina, especially since I had very little information about her to work with. I was still caught off-guard by her sudden appearance. She's completely dictating the pace, but there's nothing I can do about it.

"I'll go with Regina. Err… So, what did you want to talk about? You came here to talk to me, didn't you?"

"That's part of why I came here. But I also wanted to see what the Eris festival was like. It's not bad, but the festivals they used to throw for me back in Noise were much more lively! Well, maybe that's just my personal bias speaking."

"Now that you mention it, Serena mentioned that your home base was in Noise…"

She nodded while licking the back of the spoon she ate the shaved ice with.

"Yerp. Not only is it my base of operations now, it also used to be _my_ country. In the same way that Eris is worshipped here in Belzerg, I mean."

I was really curious about the country of Noise and how Regina was tied to it, but the atmosphere around her made me hesitate to broach the subject.

"Oh, that's right. Did you tell your party about Maouko yet?"

"Well…"

In that moment, I caught a glance of Aqua and Chris walking towards us.

I didn't know what the relationship between these three goddesses were, but I didn't want to take the chance.

However, before I could use Lurk, Aqua, who is perceptive only in the most inconvenient times, spotted us.

"Oh, Kazuma, is that you? Who's that little girl with you? Wait a minute…"

Aqua and Chris both froze when they saw Regina.

In turn, Regina simply waved her hand.

"Yo."

"..." x 2.

Aqua and Chris both remained still as they stared at Regina.

"It's that wretched traitor goddess!"

"Kazuma, get away from that thing! Her fallen goddess germs might contaminate you!"

"...Your words really hurt. It's been such a long time and you greet me like this?"

Regina put on a faux-tearful face as the other two goddesses glare her down.

I had to do something before this could escalate.

"Um… I don't know what your histories are with each other, but if we can all just calm down…"

Aqua took hold of my collar and started sniffing me.

"What have you done to Kazuma? Did you brainwash him?! This guy is an idiot who will go along with whatever a cute girl tells him, so I know that you probably targeted him!"

"That's right… Kazuma-kun is the type of man who says 'A cute girl can't truly be evil. Let's trust her'. So surely this dark goddess has already taken advantage of him!"

"I really don't get where your impressions of me are coming from!"

I shook myself from Aqua's grasp and said this.

"I guess you didn't tell them about our deal, boya? I didn't expect you to be the secretive type."

No, I'm more like the procrastinating type.

I shouldn't have kept delaying on telling them. Now I have this mess in my hands.

"Kazuma, step away from this dark goddess! Eris and I will take care of her!"

"...Senpai, please don't yell my identity when we're out in the streets like this!"

Aqua and Chris surrounded Regina, who remained seated. She simply smiled confidently and lifted the doll in front of her, as if it were a shield.

The air was tense as these goddesses were on the verge of fighting.

"Hey, if you three fight now, you'll cause a huge commotion…!"

I nervously glanced at the festival-going crowd behind us.

"Tch…!" x 2.

Aqua and Chris reluctantly backed away.

"Thank you, boya. I know that forming a partnership with you would be worth it."

Regina said, as she smirked at the others.

"Oh that's it, you smug little…! God Blow!"

"...! Buwahhh?!"

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Aqua went ahead and gave a little girl a right hook to the face.

The force of the blow sent Regina flying to the ground.

"Ouch! Are you freaking crazy?! What the hell did you hit me for?!"

"Eh? Oi, I thought for sure you'd block that! Wait, Kazuma, don't look at me like that! I know for sure that she can block my God Blow!"

I slowly backed away. I don't want anything to do with this messed up situation…!

A crowd started gathering once they saw what Aqua did.

"I always thought that Aqua was crazy but…"

"To think she'd actually hit a defenseless child like that…"

"Someone call the police!"

The people around us naturally assumed that Aqua was in the wrong here.

:"W-Wait! Don't trust this little girl! She's evil! Literal evil in the form of a little girl! Kazuma, back me up here!"

A teary eyed Aqua started pleading with me to save her.

"Owie… Nii-san, please take me to the hospital. It's really starting to hurt…"

Regina was going all out with the theatrics as she held her afflicted cheek.

She was even calling me 'nii-san' while looking up at me pitifully.

My protective instincts can't help but awaken.

"Aqua, please apologize to Regina-chan."

"Hah?! So Kazuma has been brainwashed after all?! Oi, Eris, back me up here! Let's take this lying goddess down and save Kazuma!"

"I told you not to call me that! But I agree with senpai, let's take this vile traitor goddess down together!"

Chris drew her dagger and pointed it at Regina.

"Oi, you two! I'm not brainwashed or anything! Why are you two so hostile against Regina, anyways?!"

Aqua was the one to respond. She said,

"We don't expect a mortal to understand! This is a matter between goddesses! Not like that _thing_ is even a goddess anymore! She's a dark goddess, one who has fallen to the temptations of sin! And when goddesses and fallen goddesses meet each other… It becomes a battle of life and death…!"

"Senpai is right! And the dark goddess Regina wasn't originally a little girl, so don't be fooled by her charms, Kazuma-kun!"

That makes me sound like a lolicon!

"...What are you two doing?"

Just before anything extreme happened, Darkness appeared, along with the Axel police.

Even after being forced to work at Aqua's stall, she's back to working for the town.

"Err… Darkness, this isn't what it looks like…!"

Aqua said, while waving her arms around in a panic.

"Oh? So Aqua didn't punch this child on the face while yelling 'God Blow' and Chris didn't just take out a weapon and point it at this same child?"

"..." x 2.

"...You two, come with me."

Darkness took out a pair of handcuffs.

"You're making a big mistake, Darkness! Kazuma, tell her!"

"Darkness, wait! W-We're friends aren't we?! Don't do this!"

"I'll hear what you have to say in the police department. Kazuma, you're coming, too. Hm? Where did that little girl go?"

During all this, Regina had already slipped away.

…

…

 **A/N: Due to the requests of some readers, I won't do the next chapter preview titles anymore, as they tend to spoil the contents of upcoming chapters. On another note, I'll have a much lighter academic workload this summer, so I should be able to update more frequently. Thanks for sticking around despite the long wait between chapters.**

 **-BoringBone**


	35. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33: Gifting this Festival with a Surprise Fireworks Show!**

 **Proofreader: LordVTP**

 **Part 1**

On the first day of the Eris festival, here we see the goddess Eris spending the night in a jail cell.

And sitting beside her is her subordinate goddess, Aqua.

Meanwhile, the dark goddess Regina was enjoying their humiliation as she made her report to the police officers and Darkness, who had been assisting the under-staffed Axel police force during these ongoing festivities.

"Yes, that blue haired one hit me right on the cheek, officer."

Regina, despite some theatrics, recounted the incident without any embellishment.

The officer scribbled on his notepad while giving Aqua the stink eye.

"Officer, I have the right to remain silent."

"...I didn't ask you anything yet."

"I have the right to remain silent! How dare you keep badgering me with these questions?! I'll sue you for police misconduct!"

"We don't need even your testimony right now! There were multiple witnesses and your partner in crime over there even testified to everything!"

Chris hung her head as Aqua shot an accusing look at her.

"...This is a pretty serious matter. Aqua, Chris, even though we are friends, don't think that I'll do you any special favors!"

Darkness spoke now after a long stretch of silence. For the most part, she let the police conduct the investigation themselves.

This is getting pretty bad.

I should intervene before it's too late.

I gestured for Darkness to come closer. Whispering in her ear, I said,

"Listen, there's some special circumstances surrounding this incident. Can you convince the cops to let those two go for now?"

Raising her eyebrows and looking at me suspiciously, she replied,

"What are you up to, Kazuma? I will not change my mind. If those two are guilty, then…"

"Just cooperate already you stubborn fake-noble! You're acting so responsible and cool when we all know you're just a masochistic pervert!"

"...M-Masochistic pervert?! Kazuma, I know that I have certain, er… flaws, but I really do take my responsibilities as a noble seriously! Nothing will come above that! Even when it comes to certain f-festishes…"

She blushed as she glanced awkwardly at the police officers who were watching us make this scene.

"This girl… In one moment, you're drooling over getting captured and tied up by a bunch of bandits and then in another moment, you're acting like a proper noble! Make up your mind already!"

"Fine! You want me to make up my mind?! Why don't I have you join the others in that jail cell for impeding our investigation!"

"Hold on, Darkness, I was just joking…!"

The police officers took out their handcuffs after Darkness announced her intentions to arrest me.

"Good grief. You seem to be having problems there, boya. Why don't I help you out, hm?"

Regina stood from her seat. She waved her hand at the officers, who had already begun surrounding me.

In a moment, their eyes became cloudy. They stood, motionless.

"What did you do to them, Regina?"

"Just having them go on 'pause' for a bit. I didn't do any harm to them, so relax. You really distrust me that much, boya?"

Was it really so strange that I couldn't completely trust a goddess who specializes in manipulation?

"...! K-Kazuma! What happened to the officers?! Explain yourself!"

"Why are you blaming me? It's not my fault. It's this little girl who caused this."

"Don't blame this innocent little girl, Kazuma!"

"I'm really getting tired of getting blamed for everything all the time! And do you really think I have OP powers like that?! Oi, Regina, explain yourself already!"

Laughing innocently, Regina sat down once again.

"The boya is telling the truth, ojou-chan. I may appear to be a little girl, but I am actually a Dark Goddess… I am Regina, the goddess who presides over manipulation and revenge. Nice to meet you."

Darkness stared at Regina, who had reached her hand out for a handshake.

"I see… She doesn't have black hair and red eyes, but could this little one be a Crimson Demon?"

"E… Eh?"

Regina had a stunned look on her face.

"That delusional way of speaking… Yes, this must be a Crimson Demon."

"It's the truth! I really am a dark goddess! In fact, the others over there behind the jail cell are also…!"

"Now, now, perhaps this child is saying too much."

"Hmph…?!"

I hastily covered Regina's mouth.

"Oi, Darkness, can you let us out already?"

"Like I said, I can't just let you out, Aqua. You assaulted a child, for goodness sake!"

"Noooo! It's really not like that!"

Aqua squirmed as she grabbed and shook the jail bars.

"Darkness… Don't you trust me? We're telling the truth. There's a lot here you don't know about."

"Oh, so you're keeping even more secrets from me, Chris?"

"...! I… Yeah, I guess I am…"

Chris was in no mood to defend herself.

I leaned down to whisper to Regina.

"This isn't going anywhere. Do you think you can do that 'pause' thing on Darkness?"

"That ojou-chan seems to have some high magic resistance. I'll have to make direct, extended contact with her. I don't think she'll give me the opportunity to do that, though…"

"OK, leave it to me. Ohhh… Lalatinaaa-chaaan~~!"

"...Didn't I tell Kazuma not to call me that? And… W-What are you doing with that rope?"

 **Part 2**

Here we see the noble Darkness with an ecstatic smile on her face as she's tied up and monetarily incapacitated.

"She's making quite the stupid face, isn't she? She looks so dopey. Hey, wanna draw on her face?"

Aqua took out a marker and started drawing on the transfixed Darkness's face.

"So, Kazuma-kun, mind explaining yourself now?"

Chris still seemed a bit distracted by Darkness confronting her earlier when she asked me this.

"Well, you see…"

I explained, in as concise a way as possible, my involvement with the dark goddess Regina.

"I knew that Kazuma has a rotten character, but you're even allying yourself with dark goddesses now?!"

"...Kazuma-kun, please practice some restraint once in a while."

Aqua and Chris weren't very impressed.

"I get that you goddesses have some history, but this is the best method we have for dealing with Maouko. Do you really think I'm the type to resist the easiest path? No, of course not. I don't care if I'm siding with a dark goddess, or whatever."

"I like your style, boya. I knew I made the right decision making an alliance with you."

Regina approved of my speech, nodding along to every word.

"Kazuma-kun, you're beyond saving now."

"It's my fault, kouhai. I was with him the whole time and yet I allowed him to get this far into the dark side."

"Don't blame yourself, senpai. I'm sure he was like this from the start."

After I explained everything to Aqua and Chris, the next thing I had to deal with was the incapacitated Darkness and the police officers.

Darkness still had a goofy look on her face as she remained unconscious. Her face was filled with Aqua's scribbles from earlier.

"Hold on, let me go get a magic camera."

"I won't let you do that to my friend, Kazuma-kun!"

Chris stopped me even though she knew full well that Darkness liked this kind of thing.

Regina had magic that could alter people's memories, but she needed time to set it up.

In the meantime, the rest of us disposed of the testimony reports and all the documents Darkness and the police gathered about this case.

"I feel really bad doing this…"

Chris was conflicted as she scrapped the witness report of her pointing her magic dagger at a child.

"I feel bad too, kouhai, but we have to do what must be done…"

Aqua said, not at all hesitant to shred the artist depiction of her dealing a right hook to a defenseless child's face.

As we swiftly worked on this, I noticed a thick binder full of documents on top a desk.

I got curious and took a peek inside.

"..."

It was a compilation of all of Dust's penalty tickets, bail receipts and restraining orders filed against him by various women he's harassed.

I closed the binder.

…

…

"There. That should do it. When they wake up, they'll forget that this whole incident happened."

Regina said, clearly proud of her work.

"...Seems like you've been slowly regaining your powers. Tch! The higher ups should have put a more powerful seal on you!"

The animosity didn't die down one bit as Aqua was still hostile towards Regina. The latter didn't seem to mind very much as she merely shrugged.

"It's been a long time in this world. Up there in heaven, it's probably only been a few years for you guys since I was disowned, right? How enviable… While I was spending decades just hoping to recoup a fraction of my power, you guys were living comfortable lives as prominent goddesses of this world…"

Regina didn't even try to hide the envy and resentment in her voice.

"No, no, Aqua isn't that important, not really. Eris-sama is the only one you should be jealous of. I mean, this country's currency is named after her."

Chris blushed when I said this.

"What did Kazuma just say?!"

Aqua's face was also red, but with rage.

"Oi, put those fists away! It's because you're so impulsive and quick to violence that we're in this mess in the first place!"

Seeing the indignant Aqua try to punch me, Regina seemed to relax a bit.

"Well, what's in the past is in the past. I can't do anything about it anymore. And I'm repenting just a little aren't I? I'm helping you guys now. See?"

"You're only doing that because you think joining our side is more advantageous, though."

"You're still such a wise ass aren't you, Eris-chan~? The try-hard goddess Eris-chan~!"

"D-Don't tease me!"

Regina was really trying her best to rile these two up.

"Before you three start fighting again, should we start discussing our plan to fight against Maouko now? Regina was about to tell me about it, but then you two showed up and started that whole fiasco."

Chris seemed apologetic, but Aqua only scoffed.

"It's Kazuma's fault for sneaking around and keeping this to himself. If this chibi dark goddess has a plan to beat the Devil King's brat daughter, then let's hear it!"

"Well, if you're gonna insult me like that…"

"Gah! This chibi is impossible to deal with!"

"I can say the same about you, idiotic goddess Aqua-chan~!"

"...! Gaaahhh...!"

After taking care of the clean up, we left the station and found a quiet place to hear what Regina has to say.

It was already late into the night since Darkness's interrogation lasted for a couple hours. The only places open were nightlife establishments like bars. We went to a bar that I frequented with Dust and Keith.

I lead the girls to a table that was far from potential eavesdroppers, a private, V.I.P. table.

Aqua was already flipping through a menu and practically salivating at the choices.

The drinks and snacks arrived after a short wait. While we were satisfied with a glass each, Aqua went ahead and ordered an entire bottle for herself.

She chugged it down without any reservations, but I was already used to this and didn't bother complaining about it.

"Hmm… Not bad. The alcohol we had back in Noise was in a different level, but this is not bad."

"Alcohol is alcohol! As long as it makes you… burp… tipsy, I don't care what it tastes like!"

"Oh? But I drink alcohol for the taste. Take wine for example. Depending on numerous factors in its preparation such as location, weather, even the quality of the air in the area where the wine is being distilled, these can all have various effects on the end product."

Regina said, as she admired the color of her drink by raising it against the light.

"And this wine-truly, it's very delicious. I don't expect a simpleton like Aqua to understand."

She raised her chin quite imperiously at Aqua as she took a sip.

Actually, the server refused to serve Regina any wine.

She looks like a kid from the outside, after all.

She's just drinking grape juice.

I let her gloat over Aqua in blissful ignorance.

Everyone soon finished their drinks, although Aqua never stopped.

"I suppose now is a good time to talk about it, I'll tell you the information I have on Maouko's plans so far."

Regina said, clinking her glass of wine with a fork to get our attention.

"I've received intel that Maouko will start to make her move. She's been sneaking around all this time, but she's ready to put all her plans into action now."

"What does she intend to do, anyway? Does she plan to start another war with Belzerg? Even when the Devil King army was at full strength last time, they were still at a stalemate against the competent military of Belzerg."

"She's a brat, a psychotic one, too. And she's very petty. She wants to get revenge for her dead father, sure, but she's more concerned about the humiliating defeat your party gave her. She has a grudge against this country, but she mainly has her eyes set on you and your party, boya."

"Then shouldn't Kazuma-kun and the others seek protection in the capital? They already have connections with the royal family. I'm sure they're safer there than in this town of beginner adventurers…"

"I understand Chris's concern, but this is the same town in which an Arch-Duke of hell, a high level former Arch-Wizard turned Lich, a lonely genius Crimson Demon who will become the future chief of the Crimson Demon clan, a spear wielding delinquent who can tame dragons for some mysterious reason, and of course, where the party who slayed the Devil King, resides."

"C… Come to think of it, this town has quite the formidable fighting force, huh…?"

Chris said, conceding with my point.

There's also the delinquents who call me aniki who gained a lot of levels since I tutored them, and not to mention the league of Japanese reincarnates who were once unemployed.

"Then isn't it a bad idea for Maouko to attack this town?"

I said, when considering these things.

"I don't think she knows about your hidden fighting potential, boya. She's also banking on Vanir and Wiz to not interfere in this fight."

"...But when it comes to protecting the town, Wiz already helped plenty of times. I don't know about Vanir, though…"

"Oi, boya, haven't you spent enough time with that devil already? All you have to do is pay him and he'll do anything."

"It's that easy?!"

"Unless he had a sudden change of heart since the last time I spoke to him, isn't that whimsical devil still striving to build a dungeon? This rich boya over here who can buy a small country with his wealth can just bribe that devil if we really need his powers, isn't that right?"

This never occured to me. Vanir has always been a bit of an enigma, I didn't know that he was surprisingly easy to figure out.

"How much does it take to build a dungeon?"

"Well, like I said, about as much as it'd take to buy a small country~!"

"T-That's too much!"

No matter how rich I am right now, isn't that too much?

What if I had to go back to sleeping in the stables again?

I wasn't even sure exactly how much money I had right now. I should check up with Maxim and ask him.

"Does Regina know when Maouko is planning to attack?"

Regina shrugged her shoulders to my question.

"That paranoid brat doesn't give anyone the full scope of her plan. All I know is that she's building up an army, probably enlisting new demons from the military academy…"

"There's a military academy for demons…?"

"Yeah. Demon society isn't completely barbaric, you know? The army is well taken care of, too. I heard the benefits and pension is pretty good."

"...I don't get why something as filthy as a demon should deserve any kind of benefit or pension."

Aqua said, slurring her words after already having drunk half of her bottle.

Regina just ignored Aqua and kept on talking,

"I don't have the exact timeline for when they'll attack. All I can tell you is that it's soon. Maybe she'll even take advantage of the confusion of the festival to ambush us."

"So we should get ready, then…"

"Ding! Ding! Correct answer, boya! And to do that, why don't you meet with my minion tomorrow? You can help her on her very important mission…"

 **Part 3**

The next day, I ignored Aqua's requests to help her with the stall again.

I went to Wiz's store to talk to Serena, who Regina said to meet for some kind of important mission or other.

Vanir was at the counter. There was the smell of something burning. That was probably Wiz, who had just been attacked by Vanir, and was now resting in the back room.

Serena wasn't here in the front counter, but I could hear her voice from the back room.

"Please hold on, Wiz-san! You're fading away, but you can survive this…!"

"Just give me some sugar water and I'll be fine…"

Let's ignore this depressing conversation for now.

I turned to Vanir instead.

"Hey, Vanir, I'm assuming that you already know about what we talked about yesterday…"

"Moi does not! Doth thou expect moi to be able to use moi powers with three goddesses present around thee last night? The mere fact moi knows that thou was with those three troublesome goddesses already shows how powerful moi's divination is!"

"I don't know how you can sound so confident even when you're talking about your limitations…"

He was like Aqua in that regard.

"Thou just thought something very rude. Hmm… Ah, moi can see now. Moi can see the events of last night by peering into thou's mind…"

"You really don't understand the concept of privacy, do you?"

"Thou should consider it a favor that moi does not peek into thou's requested fantasies from that certain store where moi underlings work…"

"Thank you for that, Vanir-sama!"

I bowed to Vanir for his kindness.

"Hm… Having the rich brat pay the expenses for my dungeon… Thou has considered it, but moi is a devil, one who values contracts and deals made between humans…"

"Vanir wants me to make a contract with him, right? Just like when I sold you the rights to those items from Japan? I just want you to help us with the fight against Maouko, and in exchange, I'll buy you a dungeon."

I still didn't know if I could afford to buy a dungeon yet, even with my riches, but I should be barely able to afford it.

There was also that new deal I struck with Elroad. Now that Revi is a major shares owner with my company, my reckless financial decisions could affect him as well.

But right now, the threat of Maouko surpassed all those concerns.

Leaning back in a peculiar pose, Vanir tilted his head back. I suppose this was a devil's version of a thoughtful pose.

"Brat, doth thou know that moi can't provide any direct harm against the Devil King? It might just be by name only, but the Devil King is the Devil King. Long ago, the devils and demons of hell have formed a contract with the first Devil King, and this contract applies to his descendants. Moi can't do as thou wish, to unleash moi powers on this new, upstart, Devil King brat and get this whole war over with before it even starts. Even if thou buys moi a dungeon!"

"I'm not really asking Vanir to just nuke Maouko with a Vanir-style death ray, or anything! Well, maybe I did think that, but I'm not seriously expecting Vanir to do that!"

Realistically, all I wanted Vanir to do was protect the town, should anything happen.

Reading my thoughts already, Vanir said,

"Moi can certainly do that, but then the contract between thou and moi would be very one-sided indeed! Devils are allowed to trick humans into unfair contracts, but there must be a sense of balance! Moi cannot have moi buy moi a whole dungeon in exchange for performing some grunt, guard duties!"

"That's true… Then how about I just pay you some Eris?"

"Moi would normally agree to that, but now that thou hast brought up the purchasing dungeon, moi can't help but push for it…"

Vanir said, his eyes glowing demonically under his mask.

Regina's plan backfired on me.

I didn't need to get Vanir a whole freaking dungeon, knowing him, he would have accepted the job if I paid him handsomely...

"Hm, wait, who says that I have to give Vanir the whole dungeon?"

"Hmm…?"

Vanir returned to a normal standing position. He looked at me questioningly.

"Vanir's dream is to be a dungeon boss of sorts that messes with the hopes and dreams of adventurers, right? Then why do you need to own a whole dungeon? What if I buy the dungeon for my own personal use, but hire Vanir as the guardian of the boss room? I can even give Vanir a salary."

"This brat…! Art thou a genius?!"

I didn't really think it was that creative of an idea…

Back in Japan, my mother used to work as a real estate agent.

She'd tell me that normally, when people buy homes first the first time, an average family can't afford to pay for the property upfront. Of course they'll have to take out loans and mortgages for it.

This arrangement was sort of different, but it's the same logic.

"Hold on, Vanir, I have to consult with my business partner before signing anything."

"Thou should not fret or hesitate! Thou must not have any doubts when making a pact with this devil! Thou can trust moi!"

A contract was immediately produced out of nowhere and shoved in my face.

With Vanir saying things like 'this is a limited time offer!', I was strong-armed to sign a contract with an Arch-Duke of hell.

 **Part 4**

After being delayed by the business with Vanir, I finally did what I came to Wiz's shop to do in the first place.

Serena had just been taking care of the enfeebled Wiz when she came out to meet me.

I asked her about this mission Regina tasked us with.

"Our job is simple but time-consuming. I'm glad Kazuma-san is here to help. Here, please take this."

I was given a box full of Regina plush dolls.

"...Are you trying to recruit me to sell these at some booth, like what Aqua is doing with her jams right now?"

"Err… Well, yes."

"What part of this is an 'important mission'?!"

"Please don't be mad! And please stop tearing out that Regina doll!"

As I lost my temper and tore the head of a Regina doll, I found something inside.

"What's this?"

"It's a talisman marked with a protective rune. These will serve a purpose in the upcoming battle with Maouko…"

These dolls actually had a use after all. I felt a bit bad for thinking that Regina just wanted to use me to make a profit.

"We're also hoping to increase our funds and public image by selling a lot of this… Wait, please don't tear the limbs out, too!"

…

…

"Regina doll~! Buy your cute Regina doll here! And if you want to build your own Regina doll, please line up there!"

Here I am at a stall, selling these suspicious looking dolls.

At least they were cuter than the dolls Vanir sells.

Regina sold the pre-made dolls while I worked at the 'Build-a-Regina' station.

There were mostly couples and young girls buying our merchandise.

"Huff… Huff… Let me build my own cute loli doll… Huff, Huff…"

There were some strange dudes, too.

"Say, is it really fine if just young girls and… a few certain males are the ones who'll receive this protective talisman? Why don't we just spread the talisman as is?"

If the goal is to protect the citizens of this town, I didn't understand why we were targeting such a select demographic.

"It's fine as long as they spread around the town, and young girls and the couples buying these are more likely to scatter throughout the town during the festivities. And, um… this also helps with promoting Regina-sama's brand if trendy young people are the ones who buy it, hehe…"

"You guys better not be planning anything suspicious…"

"We're not! Please have some trust in us! Regina-sama will need all the power she can get. Even if she's not worshipped as a goddess, she can get a power boost just from having people recognize her visage…"

I was still pretty suspicious, but I decided to take her word for it.

After we finished the 'important mission', Serena left to do something else. I had free time to wander around the stalls again.

I've already seen most of the food stalls, and the game stalls didn't really interest me too much. Due to my high Luck stat, most festival games end up being entirely too predictable.

I went to one of the kiosks the town set up around town. There were free brochures, and town maps available for guests. I took a brochure and read up on the upcoming events one could look forward to in the festival.

Yesterday, on the first day of the festival, there had been a traditional Belzergian song and dance performance, but we missed it because Chris and Aqua nearly spent the night in jail.

It's unfortunate I missed it, but today there is a beauty pageant, which is supposedly a very big deal.

Additionally, tomorrow, on the last day, the festival will conclude with a fireworks show.

There was a big event scheduled for each day of the festival. No wonder why Darkness was so stressed out.

The beauty pageant was scheduled to start at the end of the day, which gave me time to burn until then.

With nothing to do, I headed to the area where the beauty pageant will be held to see how the preparation was proceeding.

The event was to be held in what was informally considered as Axel's town square, an empty lot often used as a common area or meeting space. There was a stage there now, which looked a lot like the stage Vanir used the other day.

I spotted Darkness among the people busily working.

The last I saw her, she was in an unconscious state when I left her in the police station, and yet she was already busying herself with other matters.

I felt a pang of guilt knowing that we inconvenienced her yesterday, when she was just doing her job.

"Oi, Darkness. You seem busy there. Need some help?"

Darkness looked up from a clipboard she had been focused on before I broke her concentration.

"Kazuma is willingly lending me his help? ...Is Kazuma sick?"

"No, no, nothing like that. Is it really so surprising that I want to help a friend out?"

"Are you feeling guilty about something? What did you do? If you apologize now, I won't hold it against you."

She was right on the money but there's no way I'd admit that.

"C-Come on now. It looks like Darkness can use all the help she can get! Just let me help you already! Please!"

"Fine then! Just calm down already, Kazuma! Um… We could always use some more assistants. Please go to the participants and ask them if they need anything."

"The participants? As in the beauty pageant participants? Darkness… Having a man like me who is already in a relationship enter a den of temptation is…"

"If it's too much for you then just forget it!"

After calming Darkness down, I went to where the pageant participants were staying while they prepared for the competition.

"What's this? How come there's only a few people here?"

There were only a few girls in the waiting room. They were practicing their individual routines for the talent portion of the pageant. Some of them were dancing and one of them even brought an instrument with her.

"There are a couple others who signed up, but they're not here yet. Still, we're quite at a deficit this year…"

"Not only the police, but even the beauty pageant is short handed? This festival sure does have some organizational issues."

"Kazuma doesn't need to tell me that! I should have been working on the planning last night but for some reason I passed out and can't remember anything when I woke up the next day…"

I averted my eyes guiltily.

"Sigh… At this rate…"

Darkness blushed as she gazed down at herself.

I looked down at her outfit. Compared to the OL outfit she had on yesterday, she was wearing much more feminine, high class, lady-esque clothes.

"Don't tell me… Pffft!"

"We're shorthanded! I-I didn't want to do this, Kazuma!"

A flustered Darkness waved her hands as if to dispel any misunderstandings.

"It's alright, it's alright. Darkness will do fine! After all, even though Darkness is an insane masochist who once sprayed a suspicious perfume on herself to attract the attention of high levelled monsters, she's a beautiful ojou-chan on the outside… On the outside."

"You didn't need to repeat yourself! I'm really self-conscious about this, so would it hurt Kazuma to give me some encouragement?!"

"Well, what kind of encouragement do you want?"

"...Give me honest compliments. Wait, you're laughing already. I'm being serious here!"

"Hmm… What can I do to compliment Darkness?"

I circled her like an expert appraiser.

"When it comes to that 'blonde hair and blue-eyed look', at first I was fascinated by Darkness's features when I came to this world… Er, I mean this country. You see, most of the people in my country had black hair and black eyes. Some people dyed their hair brown, though."

There were also half-breeds and gyarus, but Darkness wouldn't understand what I'm talking about.

"So at first I thought to myself, "Wow, what an exotic beauty!" But then as our party got more popular, I've been seeing those features more and more to the point that I'm actually getting tired of seeing a bunch of power hungry, ass kissing nobles all in one place."

"W-Wah?!"

Darkness was stunned into silence as I provided my honest assessment.

I still felt guilty for the mind wipe, but I'm not the type to hold back if someone asks me to tell them the truth.

"Hmm… What's Darkness's other selling point? The whole noble lady thing was enticing at first. But what's enticing about high-class ojou-chan is that they are innocent and pure about worldly matters. However, Darkness is even more tainted than your typical low-class barbarian. There's no gap moe there, either. A rotten noble isn't moe, it's just disappointing! Albeit, Darkness is getting better at reigning in her 'Trash-ness' counterpart. But when you compare Darkness to other girls with high-born lineage, doesn't my innocent, pure and very cute Iris-chan surpass Darkness in that regard?"

"...You've obviously given this a lot of thought."

There was an ominous aura coming out of Darkness, but I was in too much of a roll to stop.

"And in terms of your figure, I do admit that Darkness has a very sexy body, but Wiz has got you beat in terms of that, and even Yunyun is coming close. You saw Yunyun in a black dress back in the Crimson Demon village, right? Yes, she will soon surpass this Lewd-ness whose only selling point is her eroticism. And even then, if I'm the one who has to make a judgement, I already have Megumin. Even if I had once lusted over Darkness's lewd body and sometimes imagined myself licking every inch and corner of it, it's not like I can do that now. Yes, I'm already taken. So to me Darkness is just... Oi, Darkness, why are your hands wrapping around my neck?"

Darkness's eyes were dilating and her forced smile looked demonic.

"I'm not going to kill Kazuma. After all, I did say I'm going to need all the help I can get. So, get to work… Or else."

"S-Sure, whatever you say, Darkness. Haha…"

I could only nod my head.

 **Part 5**

"Even with Kazuma's help, we failed."

This was the end result.

Without the opportunity to plan the event beforehand, we had to improvise as we went along.

Unfortunately, for an event as big as this, such half-assed methods proved futile.

"We'll just have to postpone the beauty pageant and hold it tomorrow."

"Wouldn't people be disappointed if we don't hold a big event tonight, when they're all looking forward to one?"

"...The timing will be a bit weird since it's normally reserved for the end of the festival, but we could hold the fireworks show tonight and just postpone the festival until tomorrow. The fireworks show doesn't require much planning on our part. An out-sourced company does the job for the town."

I was impressed by Darkness's quick thinking.

"But this out-sourced company, won't they have the same problems as us since we're springing this on them unexpectedly?"

"No, they said that they're ready to do it anytime. That's why you have to respect pros."

I wiped my brow as this crisis was narrowly averted by Darkness's quick thinking.

"I'm impressed, Darkness. You're actually really reliable."

"I-I do this kind of thing everyday. This is what it means to be a noble. Perhaps Kazuma will follow my example and take his role seriously."

"...Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Eh? Kazuma is agreeing with me? Seriously, are you sick or something?"

"I'm not! Hey, let's go take a lunch break. My treat."

Darkness was still suspicious but went along with me anyway.

We grabbed some sandwiches from a stall at found a table inside the eating areas. There were families and couples around.

As we were eating, I brought up a topic that's been on my mind earlier.

"Yesterday, Chris was telling me about the changes she noticed in us. Particularly, me and you."

"Oh? What did she say?"

"She said that you became even more obsessed with justice and your duties as a noble, while I got a bit more responsible, too."

"Why are my changes so extreme, but Kazuma's seem so laid back and natural? I'm not really as much of an obsessive freak as people think I am…"

"Well, maybe I exaggerated her words a bit."

"Why you…"

I held a hand up to stop Darkness from getting riled up.

"A-All I'm saying is that, well, you don't have to worry about me taking my role as a noble seriously, I know what we mean to this country now. I'm not promising that I'll go out of my way to do great things, but I'll at least try to do what I need to do when it matters most."

Darkness's features relaxed. She even smiled.

"I know. Kazuma's always been the type of guy you can count on when it matters most. That's probably the main thing Megumin likes about you. Oh, are you blushing?"

I didn't expect to be teased by Darkness, of all people. Usually this goes the other way around.

"Say, as part of the support group, I noticed that you two haven't been progressing lately. Why don't you use tonight's fireworks show to light some kind of spark between you two? Er… No pun intended."

Megumin did seem like the type to enjoy a fireworks show. And that kind of event had a romantic type of atmosphere.

"I can even give you two a VIP spot, so you two can watch alone."

"As expected of the captain of my support team. Keep up the good work."

"I'm the captain now? I'm sure Aqua will complain about that…"

"Aqua is currently limiting my festival time with Megumin with that jam stall of hers, so she's more of a saboteur than a supporter."

"If Kazuma isn't being mean to me, he's being mean to Aqua…"

Darkness said, even though she seemed happy about her promotion.

 **Part 6**

Megumin said she would help Aqua again, so I knew where to find her.

I didn't understand why Megumin would rather help Aqua at a stall all day instead of enjoying the festival.

When I got there, I saw that Yunyun was at the front of the line. It looks like she just purchased a bunch of sweet bread from Cecily's stall, where Megumin was assisting today. Aqua was working alone at her jam stall.

"Why is Megumin working here the whole day?! It would be nice if we could hang out…"

It looked like Yunyun and I were on the same wavelength.

"We owe the Axis-cult quite a bit for helping us out before, Yunyun. It's only natural to help them during important events like this."

"That's right! Instead of participating in this horrid Eris church festival, it would be better if Yunyun-chan helps the Axis-cult instead!"

Cecily's eyes were glowing much like the Crimson Demon girls before her when they got excited.

"U-Um… Well, if Megumin is going to be spending her time here, then…"

"Yiiiis, yiiiis, join us…!"

Cecily rubbed her hands together as she tempted Yunyun to join the Axis side.

As I watched from a distance, Aqua, who was at the next stall over, was somehow the first one to notice me.

"Kazuma, you finally showed up! We could always use more help! I heard that Serena and some other bastard were selling some kind of Regina doll earlier! Not only do I have to compete with the Eris church hags, but even Regina and her lackey are trying to compete with me!"

"I'm not here to help with the stall. I just want to chat with Megumin.

Megumin finally noticed me after Aqua called me out.

"If it isn't Kazuma. Are you done flirting with other girls behind my back?"

"N-No, I've just been hanging out with Darkness..."

"Oh, if it's just Darkness, that's fine."

Now that I think about it, I spent a good part of the day doing things with Serena as well. I also spent a lot of time with the beauty pageant contestants after Darkness asked me to help.

Basically, I've spent the whole day surrounded by pretty girls.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend is here working in some suspicious stall.

"Megumin, let me buy you something nice for a change."

"Kazuma, that's the line of a cheater."

"I haven't cheated or anything, but I still feel bad for some reason."

As I tried to get Megumin to come with me, Aqua's sharp hearing was at work once more as she yelled at me from the next stall.

"Oiii! Kazuma, you better not be trying to steal one of my workers! It's about to get dark, so I need to maximize all the time I have left! We need to make as much profit from these walking money bags as possible!"

The walking money bags in question shifted uncomfortably at Aqua's words.

The quality of the jams were such that the purveyor could hurl all sorts of abuse at her customers, and still retain their interest.

"You have Yunyun here to help you during the closing hours. Let me grab Megumin real quick. Oh, by the way, there's a change of plans with the festival schedule. The fireworks show will be held tonight instead of the beauty pageant. Make sure to show up at the lake tonight, or Darkness will cry."

"I guess I have to go with the Kazuma who's hungry for my attention. I'll be taking an early leave, Aqua."

"Wait…! Megumin, don't leave meee!"

As Aqua called out for the employee who was deserting her, Yunyun began following us.

"Um… I'll be going now."

"Wait, Yunyun-chan."

"Eep!"

Yunyun was grabbed by the quick hands of Cecily.

"I can't afford to lose two Crimson lolis. You must stay here!"

"Ehhh?! I'd rather not!"

Megumin and I took this opportunity to ditch the stalker, Yunyun.

…

…

"If it's a fireworks show, yukatas are the best, after all."

I did say that I'd get Megumin something nice. We headed to the clothing stalls and found one that was selling yukatas and other typical festival accessories, such as elaborate hair pins and festive coin purses.

With word of the beauty pageant being delayed and the fireworks show replacing it, there were other girls who had flocked to the clothing stall district to buy themselves a yukata.

"These look kind of uncomfortable to walk around in. And won't I look like an idiot if I'm the only one dressed like this and Kazuma is wearing street clothes?"

Megumin had a slight frown as the stall owner showed her an assortment of fabrics.

"I've seen Megumin wear dresses before and you did mention that you liked wearing girly things from time-to-time, so what's wrong with wearing yukatas once in a while?"

"Dresses and cute outfits are one thing, but I've never worn one of these before."

"Don't they have festivals in the Crimson Demon village? You guys held one when the king came to visit."

I could never forget that disaster of a festival.

"That's true, but since I was a child, I've always been helping with the family stall during such events."

"This poor girl…"

"That feels nice, but please stop patting my head so condescendingly. If it really means that much to Kazuma, I'll wear one of these, but Kazuma will have to wear one, too."

"Hah? No way. I've never worn one of these."

"Isn't that what I just said?!"

We ended up buying one for everyone in our party.

I bought some extras, too, in case Chris and the other girls, like Yunyun, wanted to wear one.

We headed home with our new purchases to change into them. There was still some time until the show starts, but it was already getting dark.

"Hm? Kazuma, Kazuma, Chomusuke is doing something weird."

"Is she bothering the ground pixies again?"

We were passing through the front yard when Megumin noticed something strange with Chomusuke.

The cat was running around in the front yard, but she didn't seem to be harassing our resident ground pixies.

"Nyaaa~! Nyaaa~!"

She'd run in circles, then stop, look up into the darkening night sky, and then start running again.

"Maybe she's in heat?"

"Maybe _you're_ in heat."

Megumin narrowed her eyes at my pervy comment.

We tried to take Chomusuke inside, but she seemed content to do whatever it is she was doing.

We decided to chalk this up to some weird feline behavior, even though we both knew that Chomusuke wasn't just some ordinary cat.

In just a few hours, we'd regret how we failed to see the signs.

 **Part 7**

"Darkness gave us a good spot."

I said, as we sat down on our VIP blanket area.

"Fufufu… The other mortals look like mere ants from this view."

We looked down from our vantage point up on a hill, overlooking the lake. Beyond the lake, on the other side, was a protruding stretch of peninsula that jutted into the lake's still waters. That moderately wooded peninsula is where the fireworks technicians made their preparations.

The lake at night was beautiful and the manatite lanterns surrounding it illuminated the dark waters.

There was a sense of excitement among the crowd, who were mostly filled with couples who wanted to enjoy the romantic atmosphere. As such, there were many girls carrying the Regina dolls that Serena and I were selling earlier.

I've gone to see the fireworks show in a local festival when I was a kid, but when I grew up and became a NEET, I had to make do with watching glimpses of it from my window.

Megumin was busy eating the snacks we bought from nearby stalls, and didn't seem to share any of my bittersweet reminiscences.

"Get your jams and Alcarentia-style sweet bread here! Don't watch the fireworks without it!"

I heard Aqua's loud voice even from on top of a hill. I used the Farsight skill to locate her. She was pushing a trolley along the beach area surrounding the lake. Cecily was following along with her own trolley. Yunyun had been dragged along as well. They were all wearing the yukatas I got for them.

"...We'll have to apologize to Yunyun."

"Don't worry about her. I'm sure she's happy to have people to hang out with."

"You should really be a bit kinder to your best friend."

"W-Who said she's my best friend?"

It amazes me just how long this girl can keep up the tsundere act towards Yunyun.

It was easier getting her to acknowledge the romantic feelings between us than it is to have her admit that she's good friends with Yunyun.

As we waited for the show to start, I took a minute to admire the yukata I picked out for Megumin. She insisted on a simple design so I got her a pink Yukata with flower patterns on it. She also had matching flower shaped hairpins tucked into her hair. She was carrying a fixed hand-fan with a _bakuretsu_ calligraphy printed on it.

"Kazuma, why are you smiling?"

"At first, I really didn't expect to land on the crazy explosion girl's route, but it's not so bad so far."

"What you don't realize is that I'm probably the only girl who can deal with your scumminess and host of flawed traits. And I didn't expect to end up liking Kazuma either, and yet here we are."

She took a bite of cotton candy and smiled.

Just then, Darkness's amplified voice carried through the area.

She stood at the lake's shore and was using a voice amplifying magic item.

"Um… Thank you all for coming last minute! I know that a lot of you were looking forward to the beauty pageant today, but there were some time constraint problems… For that I apologize!"

There was an encouraging spatter of applause from the crowd who knew that Darkness was just doing her best.

"We know you're doing your best, Lalatina-chan~!"

"You're really cool when you're not acting like a complete perv, Lalatina-chan~!"

"We look forward to seeing you on stage tomorrow, Lalatina-chan~!"

There was still the usual teasing from the adventurers in the guild, though.

"S-Shut up, you bastards! Er… I mean, um, p-pwease enjoy the show…"

She stuttered after stumbling at the end there and quickly made her escape.

"Darkness isn't really that good at public speaking, is she? If it were me, I would have extended that speech by at least half an hour."

"I'd rather listen to Darkness stumble and stutter for two minutes on her opening remarks than listen to whatever chuuni babble Megumin can potentially spout within a thirty minute period."

After Darkness left the shore, she took out a device and flashed a signal to the other side of the lake. There was a responding flash of light.

An excited murmuring arose from the crowd as the sense of anticipation grew.

Those murmurs changed into cheers as the first flare darted into the sky, then branched out into the first firework of the night.

The crowd erupted into applause as more flares appeared, branching into individual colors, shapes and sizes.

Megumin and I watched with our mouths open.

"Uwaa… Pretty. They're not as deadly and powerful as my explosions, but they're really pretty. I wish I can fire off as many explosions as that."

"...I'm enjoying this, so please don't scare me like that."

"Uuuu~! I can't hold it in anymore, Kazuma! I need to release my explosion!"

Megumin suddenly said, as she rose from our picnic blanket and raised her hands to the sky.

"Hah?! Are you actually insane?!"

I pulled on Megumin's Yukata sash and dragged her back down.

"Che… Fine, I'll restrain myself for now. But after the show…"

I let out a sigh of relief as it looked like Megumin had calmed down.

"Pffft…!"

Only to do a spit-take when I saw a bolt of orange energy streaking up the air.

That wasn't any ordinary fireworks flare.

I've seen that spell enough to recognize it at first glance.

"Oiii! Megumin, you did your quick-cast didn't you?! You promised that you wouldn't do it, but you're still doing it!"

When I saw Megumin's eyes, though, she seemed to be equally surprised.

"N-No, it's not me! Do you really think I'd unleash my explosion among this massive crowd without a bit of threatrics…?!"

"If it isn't Megumin, then…"

As we were talking, the orange bolt reached its peak, reaching high above the fireworks show below it.

Then it descended upon the shore.

"It will hit us…! Eh?"

Well, at least it was about to.

As if impeded by an invisible forcefield, the explosion was halted far above us. A great ball of fire enveloped the night sky.

I looked down at the crowd to see if anyone was harmed.

The people were frightened, but everyone seemed to be fine.

On closer inspection, the Regina dolls were glowing…!

I see...

That forcefield I saw earlier must be the work of the protective talismans inside the Regina doll.

Regina really did tell the truth when she said she had an important mission for me!

Seeing that we were safe, for now, Megumin and I stared at the spectacle in awe.

"I'd give that a 100, that was the perfect explosion."

"I'd give that a 100 as well… Wait, that's not what we should be focusing on!"

There was a confused commotion from the crowd. Darkness returned to the shore.

"Err… Please calm down everyone! We will apprehend the suspects immediately! Megumin, Kazuma, come down here this instant!"

"Why are they already blaming me?!"

This was just the natural assumption, but Megumin seemed very offended.

I used my Farsight to sweep the area, looking for a suspect.

After glancing around the shore, I looked at the peninsula.

"...!"

With my night vision, I saw a cloaked figure standing among fallen bodies.

The cloaked figure was looking up at the sky. And then there was a flash of light and the figure vanished.

Serena would later explain to me that this was the Devil King general under Maouko's mind control, the one she had warned me about.

Wolbach, the goddess of Violence and Sloth.

 **Extra #1: Gifting this Shape-shifter a Wonderful Bounty!**

I am Ragcraft, a spy operative of the Devil King army.

My previous assignment was to infiltrate the kingdom of Elroad, however, when I heard about the death of the Devil King, I ceased operations, fearing that my secret identity would be compromised.

After going into hiding and using my spy network to stay in the loop, I soon heard that the Devil King's daughter, Maouko-sama, has taken over her dead father's throne.

I feared the consequences if she were to find out how I deserted my post, so I immediately reported to her.

"If your disguise ability weren't so useful, I would have killed you on the spot for losing your hold over the wealthy nation of Elroad, you coward."

These were the words she had for me upon my return.

If I'm only being kept alive for my usefulness, then let's be as useful as possible to Maouko-sama.

That is why I'm now currently acting as her spy in the town of Axel.

I disguised myself as a pilgrim who is visiting the annual Eris festival.

I have been given the task to scout the town's defenses.

While I'm at it, I might as well enjoy the festival, I thought.

I have been trying my best everyday to prove my usefulness to Maouko-sama. I deserve a break every now and then.

I arrived somewhat early, so most of the stalls are still setting up.

The stills that were open were soon filled with a line of festival-goers.

I was lucky to find one stall that didn't have a line yet.

"Excuse me, is this stall open?"

Just when I approached the stall, I recognized the people running it.

These… These are the heroes who killed the previous Devil King!

Although I was panicking on the inside, I somehow managed to keep my expression neutral.

This is a great opportunity to spy on these heroes.

I didn't know why such famous heroes were running a dingy stall like this, but let's not think about that for now.

"Can you come back later? I was about to tell the story about how I first learned explosion magic…"

A black haired, red-eyed young girl spoke to me. Since she mentioned explosion magic and she had those unique features, she must be the Crimson Demon Arch-Wizard who used explosion magic to kill the Devil King.

"We can hear your continued explosion story another time, Megumin. Welcome to the Axis cult stall, sir. Would you be interested in these amber berry jams?"

This average-looking young man who doesn't really look like much of a threat must be the leader of the party, Satou Kazuma. I heard that even if he's hailed as a hero, he is just as brutal as the former Devil King was in his prime.

Wait, did he mention Axis-cult?

I heard rumors that there was an Axis-cult follower in the heroes's party, but is it actually true?!

In many ways, the Axis-cult is the main enemy of the Devil King army.

After all, one of the main reasons why the Devil King started a war with the country of Belzerg was due to the ceaseless harassment he received from the Axis-cult.

They slandered him and spread baseless rumors about the Devil King, telling lies about his supposed promiscuity and how he had strange tastes.

I heard that the Crimson Demons who would constantly bombard the Devil King fortress with their magic, and peep on Maouko-sama with their magic telescopes, was also to blame for the Devil King's wrath.

"A-Axis cult?! Er… Actually, maybe not…"

My confidence began to waver. I can handle the presence of heroes, but the Axis-cult is too much…!

"My first customer! Goddess bless you! Welcome to my fabulous stall! I suppose you were attracted by Megumin's exciting banner?! By all means, please look at our goods!"

"I couldn't really read the banner from afar since the writing was so esoteric… Now that I look closely… G-Goddess Aqua?! So this really _is_ an Axis cult stall?! What's an Axis cult stall doing in the Eris festival?!"

I was really starting to panic now.

I took deep breaths to calm myself.

"That's right! This is the stall of the benevolent Axis cult! Now, please take a look at these jams. Look at this wonderful blue color that glows like a gem when light hits it. Don't they resemble the glowing eyes of an Axis cultist when they spot an undead?"

"...That's a weird analogy, but they do look pretty."

A blue-haired girl gave me a jar. I couldn't help but admire how it seemingly glowed.

"Yes, yes. How about a taste test, dear customer? You're an out of towner, aren't you? I can tell because your clothes look weird! Here, say ahn~!"

She guessed that I was an out-of-towner. This blue haired girl is pretty observant.

"Um, I'm a devout Eris follower and heard the festivals in Axel were very grand so… Mph?!"

Just as I was reciting the fake backstory I had prepared, the blue haired girl shoved a spoonful of jam into my mouth.

This is… It's delicious!

"... A-Amazing! There's a pervasive sweetness that melts in your tongue! It tastes… Sort of like honey. Then when the sweetness subsides, you get the mild taste of the berry's jellied juices…!"

"Fufun. Is this not an impressive product? This jam was grown from the magic seeds of ground pixies, you know?"

"S-Such a rare thing! I'll buy it! Please let me buy it!"

I took out my wallet and poured all the Eris coins I had into the blue haired girl's waiting hands.

I bought as many jars as I could with the money I had on my person.

They gave me a large box to carry all of it.

...Later on, I went to our base, a campsite just outside the outskirts of Axel.

"Ragcraft, there you are. Hm? What did you bring with you?"

Wolbach-sama had humanoid features, she can move around without raising suspicion as long as she hides her horns, but since my abilities were better suited for scouting, it was my job to snoop around during the day.

"I bought these delicious tasting jams! Here, have a taste!"

I took some bread and spread jam on it, then gave it to Wolbach-sama to try.

"...! Delicious! And… Isn't this Amber Berry jam?!"

"Yes, they are!"

Wolbach-sama studied the jars closely.

"This is a little known fact, not many people know about it. As you know, Amber berries are grown from magical seeds infused by the nature mana of Ground Pixies. This part is relatively common knowledge, but people don't know that when processed or preserved, for example, if the berries undergo the jamming process, one can extract the latent magic power in amber berries. Ragcraft, you just got us what essentially equates to a box full of high-quality manatite!"

"...!"

I did such a useful thing?!

Wolbach-sama gave me a congratulatory smack on the back.

"With this, imagine how many explosions I can cast! Wait, hm?"

She tasted the jam again.

"...It's diluted with water."

"Eh?"

"The person who sold Ragcraft this jam only put about 30% of the amber berry jam and diluted it with water and fruit juice… You got ripped off."

...I should have expected as much from an Axis-cultist stall.

With obvious disappointment, Wolbach-sama placed the jar back into the box.

"My mana capacity is too high for these to make any difference, but our general troops can make use of this. Distribute these among our men."

"Y-Yes, ma'am!"

"I guess it's too good to be true, suddenly acquiring a bunch of pure amber berry jam. Where did you buy this, anyway?"

"Oh, um…"

I might get in trouble if I tell her that I came across the heroes, but didn't collect any useful information about them.

I was too distracted by that jam.

"Just a random stall. Haha…"

Wolbach-sama raised an eyebrow about my awkward response, but didn't think much of it.

 **Extra #2: A Second Chance for this Devil King Daughter's Revenge!**

I set down my crystal ball after failing to learn anything useful, again.

That's the thing about diviners. They're only useful if the targets weren't aware of your presence or abilities.

But now, everyone seems to have a measure for blocking my scrying.

The whole town of Axel… Actually, most of the cities in this kingdom have already installed anti-scrying measures.

I can't imagine that it was cheap to install wards in every city.

...They're too prepared for us. I think we have a leak.

Even Maouko-sama suspects this, and we both have a hunch.

"It's Regina, isn't it, Feydrick?"

"I suspect her too, Maouko-sama."

We don't have any evidence to suspect the dark goddess, but she was a fallen goddess who was known to betray people, after all.

She's the opportunistic type who would switch sides whenever it suited her. The Devil King army has always been powerful, so we were never in danger of losing her loyalty, but the army's state is now pitiful compared to what it once was.

"What should we do, Maouko-sama?"

My red haired liege sat on her throne. She was wearing an alluring red dress. She had her legs crossed as she bit on her nails, a habit of hers she does when she's in deep thought.

"Let's take care of Regina later. We'll just be wasting resourcing trying to capture her, she's too resourceful. We'll proceed as planned. All we need to do is take out Kazuma and his party. Once they're gone, we can start recouping our forces and convince the _others_ to send us reinforcements, and then go to war with Belzerg once more. Before Kazuma and his party showed up, our army had the advantage over Belzerg's military. It was considered a stalemate, but we were steadily pushing them back."

It might be an over-exaggeration to blame it all on one party, but history shows that all it takes is one band of heroes or the overwhelming power of one Devil King to shift the tides of war.

"Did we receive any news from Ragcraft?"

"According to Ragcraft's latest report, the beauty pageant scheduled for today will be postponed and the fireworks show will take its time slot tonight."

"That's an unforeseen development. I don't want to rush our attack, but we have to take this chance now. Have Wolbach prepare for an attack tonight."

"Yes, Maouko-sama. And what about our general troops? Are we still positioning them for a pincer attack?"

"...I'm not going to make the mistake of being overconfident, as I did last time. Once we're sure the explosion attack actually took out Kazuma and his party, we'll retreat. Only send the general troops as a clean-up crew if Kazuma, or any of his party members, survive the attack due to luck, which, knowing them, could be a possibility. And tell Wolbach to be cautious. If her explosion somehow fails or misses, have her use Teleport and retreat immediately. I don't think our attack will fail, but if Regina really has betrayed us, then she might have taken measures to stop us."

"Yes, Maouko-sama…"

It seems to me like Maouko-sama is starting to doubt herself.

It's fine to use hit-and-run tactics, but isn't she playing it too safe?

I'm starting to think that she lost a bit of her edge.

"Oh, and Feydrick? Don't you think that Ragcraft is proving more useful than you in terms of information gathering? After all, you divination has been rendered useless lately…"

"Urk! ...I-I'll be sure to work harder from now on, Maouko-sama!"

Nope, she's still really scary.

"Mah, mah, Maouko-sama. You're still as ruthless as ever, mm?"

In that moment, a man emerged from the shadows. He had wings like an angel, but there was a malevolent aura pouring out of him.

"...It's you."

Maouko-sama said, squinting her eyes at this man.

"Um, sorry, who are you again?"

"Err… It's Duke? The fallen angel? You interviewed me for the Devil King general position two days ago…"

"Oh, right. The intern. But why were you talking as if you've known me for a long time? We've only just met two days ago."

"Um… I was just trying to go along with the serious mood I guess…"

So he just wanted to look cool while emerging from the shadows.

"Well, nevermind. I got an intern but what should I have you do?"

"I didn't sign up to be an intern. I wanted to replace the former Devil King general, Wiz. I'm a proficient spell caster, and…"

"I guess you can make us some coffee, for now."

"...Yes, ma'am."

Maouko-sama completely dismissed the fallen angel named Duke.

He seemed quite powerful, so I felt a bit sorry that he's been reduced to an intern who goes on coffee runs.

He makes some pretty good coffee, though.

...

...

 **A/N: Many of you may have already heard about the Kyoto Animation studio fire, and the thirty-three staffers who died due to the despicable actions of an arsonist. The reason why I got so invested in anime in the first place is mainly due to 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya', a genre-defining series which KyoAni produced. That show was my gateway drug into anime. It's also what started my hobby for fanfic writing. The first fanfic I wrote and uploaded for this website was a sappy 'Kyon x Haruhi' shipping fic, which I wrote under a different pen name (so don't even bother looking for it). For introducing me to the medium of anime, and for spurring my interest in writing, I'm grateful for KyoAni's influence.**

 **If you find it in your heart to donate, please go to the 'Help KyoAni Heal' go-fund-me page. I can't post a link since this website will mess with it. I dedicate this chapter, which is coincidentally the thirty-third chapter of this fic, to the thirty-three people who unfairly lost their lives.**

 **-BoringBone**


	36. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34: Buying a Dungeon for this Devil!**

 **Proofreader: LordVTP**

 **Part 1**

Thanks to Regina's talismans, no one was harmed by the explosion.

The crowd started to panic, but Darkness made sure to have everyone evacuate in an orderly manner.

Megumin and I gathered with the others.

I had been forced to tell Chris and Aqua about Maouko's resurgence, I was still keeping Megumin and Darkness out of the loop.

I didn't want to give Darkness anymore things to stress about, and I didn't want to worry Megumin needlessly.

There was also the concern of Megumin doing something irrational if I told her that there was another explosion user around.

However, after we went back home, when I began telling them…

For the most part, Megumin seemed excited, if her glowing eyes were any indication.

"The return of a former enemy! And my old master has finally revealed herself!"

Old master? What Megumin said seemed important.

I wanted to ask her to elaborate, but Darkness was now currently giving me an intense look.

"Kazuma… Why didn't you tell me about any of this?"

She gave me a hurt look.

"Darkness seemed busy and I didn't want you to freak out."

"Since when was Kazuma so considerate?! The you from before would have no problems putting the burden on others! Kazuma should have just told me from the start!"

"Make up your mind! Wasn't Darkness asking me to take my noble duties seriously?! Besides, Darkness didn't need to know! This masochist would just relish in the encroaching danger instead of trying to solve the problem, anyway!"

"I-I keep telling you that this and that are seperate matters! And here's another matter of concern. That dark goddess and her disciple that Kazuma is allied with, where are they? They are a huge security risk to this town!"

I shook my head as Darkness asked me about Regina and Serena.

"No can do. Knowing the stubborn Darkness, you'd just lock them up in jail. I already told you about what they did to help us, including protecting the town, so I'm not going to let Darkness take away my benefactors who do all the work for me!"

"There it is! The Kazuma who puts the burden on others is here!"

"Now, now. Why don't we just calm down?"

It was Chris who intervened in our shouting match.

"You're not off the hook either, Chris! Knocking me out and then mind wiping me, how could you!"

"Urk! Um… Technically it wasn't me who did it. It was Re… I mean, the dark goddess…"

Darkness directed her fury from me to Chris.

"Chris keeps so many secrets from me. I wonder if we really are friends…"

"That's not… Darkness…"

A heavy mood was forming.

"So… Is anyone going to go after Megumin, or not? She just left the mansion in full combat gear along with Chomusuke while going 'Fufu… It's time to show my master the results of my training…'"

Not affected by the mood at all, Aqua was casually drinking some 'shuwa shuwa' when she said this.

"Idiot goddess! Why didn't you tell us?! What is that explosion addict up to now!"

By 'master', I can only assume that Megumin is talking about Wolbach.

I don't know anyone else who uses explosion magic aside from Wiz.

Is the chuuni Megumin just using this situation to fuel her delusions, or does she really have some kind of relationship with Wolbach?

"Darkness, we can talk about that stuff later, but finding Megumin before she does anything reckless should take priority."

"...Fine. I'll let you guys off the hook for now. The guild is holding an emergency meeting, so I'm going as the party's representative."

"I'll go with you, Darkness."

"Chris likes working alone and keeping things to herself, right? Why don't you play masked thieves in the capital again?"

"Eh…? U-Um, was Darkness normally this petty?"

"I'm not being petty! Ugh… Just leave me alone for now!"

The moody Darkness put on a coat over her yukata and left the mansion, stomping her feet along the way.

"Uwa… She's really mad, isn't she?"

Chris heaved a depressed sigh.

"We can deal with the pouty ojou-chan later. Chris, I need your help to go look for Megumin."

"Alright, I'm all for it. Kazuma-kun and I are best suited for this. Senpai also has night vision, so… Eh?"

"ZZZzzzZZZ…"

With a bottle of the 'shuwa shuwa' in her hand, Aqua had already dozed off, still wearing her yukata.

"How can this sloppy goddess be asleep in such a time?!"

"D-Don't mind her, Kazuma-kun. Oh, and while we're searching, maybe it's best if we wear our thieving outfits. We don't know if the enemy has already infiltrated the town. It would be best if we operated covertly from now on."

"Is Chris just suggesting this because she wants to play 'thieves group' with me?"

"I'm not! Don't tease me, Kazuma-kun!"

After putting on our thieving outfits, Chris and I met in front of the mansion.

"It'd be more efficient if we split up, but if we were to encounter an enemy, it's better if we can watch each other's backs, so let's go together, Kazuma-kun."

"Chris really does want to play 'thieves group' with me, huh?"

"T-That's not it!"

After teasing Chris some more, we headed out.

"It seems like Kazuma already learned the 'Acrobatic Talent' skill. I thought I'd need to teach you that."

Chris said, as we avoided the streets and hopped across the rooftops, as expected of mysterious thieves.

"I have a lot of Skill Points to burn."

I once put up a request on the guild to have adventurers take turns teaching me their skills, no matter how seemingly useless they are.

I had to make sure that certain passive skill effects don't accidentally interfere with each other, though.

For rarer skills, I purchased skill books from the capital to learn them. My stats were still only just a bit above average, but I'm hoping my wide array of skills will help me survive the upcoming battles.

After roof-hopping for a while, we soon found Megumin.

She was at the lake shore again, looking across the lake.

"...Hm. Maybe she'll come here if I give her a signal. I know, if I use explosion…"

"Oi, Megumin, what are you doing?"

I snuck up behind her and gave her a chop on the head just as she raised her staff.

"Ow! Is it the enemy?! J-Just because I'm a Mage who operates from the backline, don't think that I… Eh? Who are these cool looking thieves?!"

Megumin stopped herself from swinging her staff at me as soon as she saw the costumes. She looked at us with sparkling eyes.

"Be a bit more suspicious about thieves suddenly appearing!"

"That voice… Ah, and it's the mask Kazuma used that time. Kazuma, I approve of this new lifestyle of yours! And the other one must be Chris-san. I see. Chris-san, the silver haired masked thief, has been training Kazuma all along. I should have known. After all, it was Chris-san who taught Kazuma his first set of skills, including that pervy 'Steal' that only takes panties and the 'Lurk' skill that Kazuma uses to sneak up on unsuspecting girls…"

"I don't use any of those skills for such reasons, Chris, don't look at me like that. Please don't believe her."

It's obvious that Megumin is very hyped up. She's talking very fast and was hopping around energetically.

"Hm? What's Chomusuke doing?"

Like before, Chomusuke was acting strangely. She was running in circles, spraying sand everywhere. She'd occasionally look at a random direction, then resume running around again.

"I'm using Chomusuke as a radar. I figured out why she's acting this way. My master must be close…"

"For a while now, Megumin has been saying 'master'. Is Megumin referring to Wolbach?"

"That's right. I learned the explosion spell from master."

Megumin said, with a faint, nostalgic smile on her face.

…

...

This is a story of a precocious, Crimson Demon child.

Even among a clan of geniuses, it was said that this child is a once in a generation genius.

Perhaps as a result of her environment, despite being warned not to enter a certain important place, this child had a sudden whim to play there.

In this certain important place, this child who was hailed as a genius among geniuses managed to undo a seal that held a certain evil goddess.

An evil goddess who, after being defeated in battle, was split in two parts, as she was too powerful to contain in a seal as one entity. One part was sealed by a certain cult and was held under the protection of the Crimson Demon clan.

That same seal was broken by the Crimson Demon child.

This half of the evil goddess had morphed into a beast, and started to go on a rampage.

The beast was weakened and once again sealed away, its rampage halted by a single spell.

Explosion magic.

The young girl was instantly captivated by her savior, a passing by magician.

"...I was also captivated by master's big boobs. The child me believed that if I learned explosion magic, I could one day grow to have big boobs like master."

Megumin said, as she looked down disappointedly at her chest.

That story was actually pretty interesting, but Megumin ruined the mood with the big boobs part.

"From what Kazuma said, I can only surmise that this same master is Wolbach, the other half of the evil goddess. After master sealed her other half, she left the village. But before that, she saw the enormous potential in the young me and offered to teach me any kind of magic. Of course, I chose explosion magic."

"You ruined your potential at such a young age, huh?"

This is just like when G*han chose to become a scholar instead of a warrior.

"If you have any problems with my explosion magic, then should I show you just how powerful it is?"

"Um… Please don't mind Kazuma-kun's teasing, Megumin-san. Something about your story confused me a bit. If Megumin-san's master re-sealed her other half who had transformed into a mindless, but powerful beast, then why does Megumin-san claim that this cat is actually this 'other half'?"

Chris asked, as she looked at the cat who is now urinating on the sand.

"Oh. Komekko messed with the seal a few years later and released Chomusuke. Then we made her our emergency rations… er, I mean, pet."

"Why didn't you just tell the village chief and try to seal it again?! Oi, what if Wolbach finds this cat and regains her full-power?!"

"I wasn't going to give my familiar away just like that."

She looked fondly at Chomusuke.

"For such a reason..."

I'm worried about what Megumin will do when the time comes to face Wolbach, if she can even treat such an important person as her enemy.

"Megumin, right now Wolbach is under Maouko's hypnotic suggestion…"

"Fufu, say no more. Kazuma underestimates me, the genius of the Crimson Demon clan! I will not falter! This is the kind of scenario I wished for, I wouldn't have it any other way!"

She pounded her chest twice and smirked confidently.

I wasn't fully convinced, though.

"Sigh. For now, we should head back. It's getting late. We can resume the search tomorrow."

Wolbach should take at least half-a-day or so to recover her mana completely. I know from experience.

"It's a good thing we have a means to find her, but do you think she knows that we'd use Chomusuke as a neko-radar to find her?"

Chris said, sounding like she was talking about an obscure dor*em*n gadget.

"I'm pretty sure Maouko's priority is to get rid of us, so she'd _want_ us to find Wolbach. I'm not sure what we can do against Wolbach in a fight. Even after using explosion, she still had enough mana to use Teleport."

I saw her make her escape with my Farsight skill. If she can use hit-and-run tactics like that, she'll be almost impossible to stop.

I'm also not sure if Regina's defenses will work again. I can't imagine that making those talismans is an easy task.

I'll have to see Regina tomorrow, and also Vanir.

It'll be a lot easier to act if we know the town is safe. Knowing Maouko, she'll hold the town hostage to limit our actions. If we leave the protection of the town to Vanir, we can focus on finding and stopping Wolbach.

...That means I'll have to spend an absurd amount of money to buy him a dungeon.

 **Part 2**

The next day, we split up to do our own thing.

Darkness gave us the cold shoulder, but it looks like she's coordinating with the town's police force to tighten security.

Megumin was planning to resume her search. I asked Chris and Aqua to come with her to make sure she didn't do anything crazy, like rush the enemy head on.

As I headed to Wiz's store, I glanced around at the empty streets.

Due to the security breach, the Eris festival was forced to end prematurely. The stalls were taken down and the townsfolk were advised to stay home.

There was a lot of dissatisfaction among those who wanted to enjoy the last day of the festival. Businesses were also resentful about losing out on potential profit.

Among these resentful business owners was Vanir.

"Couldn't that prototype explosion crazy girl wait for another day?! Moi plans to make a lot of profits is suffering!"

By 'protype explosion crazy girl', Vanir was probably referring to Wolbach.

He was angrily stuffing a bunch of Vanir dolls back into their boxes.

"I'm surprised Vanir couldn't see this outcome of the future."

"That troublesome dark elf keeps interfering with moi's all-seeing eye. Those cursed descendants of dark fairies! Fairy-folk and their offspring are second only to goddesses in a devil's list of most hated beings!"

Vanir was going in full rant mode. Meanwhile, Wiz was looking more pale than usual.

"Vanir-san! If we don't make enough money by the end of the month, the landlord will…!"

"Is that so! Then moi should get the stage prepared again! Thou and the minion of the dark goddess brat, moi will sell these two off to thou's thirsty fan boys!"

"No! Please don't try to sell us off in that auction again, Vanir-san! How cruel!"

As amusing as this exchange was, I had to speak to Vanir urgently.

"Oi, Vanir. About our discussion, I need you to start protecting the town now."

"Oh? The brat is finally making moves? It will be an easy task for moi to protect this town from all forms of attacks, but is thou willing to fund moi's ultimate dream of crushing the hopes and dreams of wannabe heroes?!"

"It pains me to spend my hard earned money to fund Vanir's weird dream, but…"

"Thou need'nt worry! I tease thou, but a dungeon can prove to be quite profitable."

Vanir said, nodding to himself.

"Profitable, how? I'm not going to loot the bodies of fallen adventurers, if that's what you meant."

"Thou is quite ignorant! Even though thou seems to be quite knowledgeable about all sorts of licentious practices, thou doth not know a single thing about the workings of dungeons!"

"Why would I know about such a thing? The dungeons in games don't really serve any purpose outside of being places where you can grind levels…"

"Thou only knows dungeons from the perspective of the adventurer…! Fine, thou may come with moi after thou finishes thy business with the dark goddess loli, who is now sleeping in the backroom without a care. But after that, let us buy a dungeon, brat! Muwahahaha!"

Vanir seemed awfully excited today now that he knows his dream is finally coming to fruition.

Wiz had a warm smile on her face as she watched the laughing Vanir.

…

...

Like Vanir said, I found Regina sleeping in one of the rooms at the back of the store.

It looks like Serena is staying in Wiz's store now, too. I didn't know how they could all fit in here, but they managed to.

"Hm? Oh, if it isn't the boya."

"Err… No offense, but you look horrible."

Regina had bags under her eyes and her cheeks looked a bit sunken.

"The town's protection took a lot of my power. You better be grateful, brat."

She said, while struggling a little to sit upright.

"That brat of the Devil King already made her move... What an impatient brat. She showed off her fighting potential trying to knock the key players off in the first move."

"Well, it's better than sending pawns to die uselessly, I guess."

"If she sent her pawns first, I would have wasted my power trying to protect the town against them. Then, she could have sent Wolbach to blow up the unguarded town."

"When you put it like that…"

Maouko seemed a lot more competent the first time around.

"I know what you're thinking, boya. It's not like she got dumber, she's just desperate. That means she fears you, boya."

Regina said, smiling wryly.

"I don't think we'd be able to do anything against Maouko without Regina's help. I mean, the worst thing I can do to Maouko is steal her panties."

That, or try to give her a gender-equality drop-kick.

She stared at me, then started laughing.

"I knew I made the right choice siding with you, boya. If nothing else, it's more fun this way. Hiding in the shadows, plotting and trying to return to my former glory, I got bored of it after a while, to tell the truth."

Regina said, as she glanced to the side.

"I know that Regina is a fallen goddess, but what's your full story?"

"Oh? Curious about my story? You may be fun to be with, boya, but we're not nearly close enough for that."

After brushing me off, Regina laid back down again, bringing the bed sheets up to her chin. She peeked her head out of the sheets and looked at me mischievously.

"I hear that you're going dungeon-shopping with Vanir? Make sure to buy me some souvenirs from Hell~! Now, leave me alone, so I can rest in peace, boya."

"Sure… eh?"

Did she just say… 'Hell'?

 **Part 3**

Vanir took me to an alley near the store. He shooed away some pigeons who were hanging around a trash bin before talking to me.

"Alright, brat. Is thou ready to go to Hell?"

There goes that 'Hell' again!

"Um… Is Vanir joking about that? By 'Hell', do you mean…"

"...? Oh, right. Humans have the notion that Hell is a hellish place, but it's not!"

"Your word choice really contradicts what you're trying to say."

He laughed as if my apprehension was very funny to him.

"Relax, brat. Would moi put thou, who is kindly offering to buy the dungeon of moi dreams, in harm's way? Thou must not hesitate and completely trust moi!"

"You're the one who keeps talking about how devils regularly rip humans off with unfair contracts. Fine, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

I still wasn't completely convinced, but I resolved myself to pull through with this.

Vanir cackled in an unnervingly villainous way. He snapped his fingers. The ground shook and the gravel cracked, the fragments clearing the way for a sleek, black metal door to emerge from the ground.

"Welcome, to the Gates of Hell!"

Vanir said, while grandly gesturing to the door.

"I'm really starting to get second thoughts about this!"

"This is a valuable learning experience for thou. Also, moi needs thou signature to purchase the property…"

"We're buying a dungeon, right? Not buying a home together? And why do we need to go to hell to buy a dungeon, anyway?! Isn't there some kind of dungeon real estate agency here in the mortal realm?!"

I said, pleading that my hopes would be answered.

"There are two ways to make dungeons, brat. One is to become a Lich and use the 'Labyrinth Construction' skill to make one from scratch…"

"Um… Doesn't Vanir personally know a Lich who has the kind of personality to do whatever you want her to, as long as you ask nicely? Why don't you just have her make a dungeon?!"

"The poor shopkeeper still has a good amount of her old humanity left, and so does not qualify as a full Lich. If she had dedicated herself to become a full Lich, then she would look like a skeleton and not a human right now."

I remembered the skeletal appearance of Keele, the Lich who made the beginner-level dungeon near this town.

"Liches, especially full Liches, are a rarity in this world, it would take too long to look for one. However, moi has access to Hell, and that's where thou will find the second method to make a dungeon. To use the dungeon real estate agency in Hell!"

"There really is such a thing?!"

"Of course! The dream of every Devil is to own a dungeon, after all! It is the perfect place to harvest negative emotions! Ah, it makes moi shiver in delight just thinking about it!"

Vanir made a weird, giddy movement that was creepy to look at.

I looked at the black door again.

"...Alright. You convinced me. Let's go."

I said, while my knees were shaking.

"Thou's cowardice is starting to annoy moi! Just go in already!"

"Whoa! Hey!"

Vanir pushed me in and the door opened automatically.

"Gahhh…! Eh?"

I expected some kind of event where I'd fall into a never ending hole and be forced to watch scenes from all circles of hell as I kept falling, but the transition from the alleyway to another location was basically instantaneous.

"...Vanir, is this really Hell?"

"Kukuku… Indeed it is, brat."

"Why does it seem like… Well, normal?"

We ended up in a building that reminded me of a shopping mall.

There were people wearing masks, walking around. The mask designs were different from Vanir but they all gave off a similar feel.

"Wait, this place seems familiar… Doesn't this place look like Kazu-Mall?!"

"Ah, yes. Moi forgot about that. Moi told some friends about the 'mall' thou hast created, and apparently it has become quite a trendy thing here. The dungeon real estate agency has also set up a location in this mall."

I felt a bit weird knowing that I did something to influence the state of affairs in Hell.

I looked around. There were ordinary, commonplace shops that you'd see in any mall. There were even masked devils carrying shopping bags. Some of them were socializing by a water fountain.

"...This place breaks my image of 'Hell' entirely. This place seems pretty normal, pleasant, even."

"That's what moi told thou. Please trust moi from now on!"

First there were things like gift shops in Heaven, and now I find a shopping mall in Hell.

Not only this fantasy world, but the outer-realms are pretty ridiculous, too.

As we were walking around, I noticed that a lot of eyes were on Vanir.

Finally, a masked woman who had very busty features approached Vanir.

"U-Um, Vanir-sama! C-Can I get your autograph?!"

Ah, that's right. Vanir is a big shot in Hell.

"Moi is busy, but here is an exclusive nude photo of moi. Enjoy!"

With a flourish, Vanir produced a picture out of nowhere.

I couldn't get a good look at it, but the woman's eyes bulged as soon as she saw it.

Then, blood started pouring out of her nose.

"N-N-Naked! A picture of Vanir-sama in the nude…!"

"Huh?! What's that! Oi, let me see!"

"Buzz off! Vanir-sama gave it to me!"

Vanir laughed as a crowd was starting to form.

"Now, now! There's one for everybody!"

He threw a bunch of pictures at the crowd.

I still didn't know where he pulled those out from.

As the crowd was fighting over the falling pictures drifting down from the air, Vanir pulled me out and we escaped from the chaos.

"The agency is this way, brat."

"...Does Vanir really keep nudes of him everywhere he goes?"

"Oh? Doth thou want a look? Even though moi appears as a man, devils don't have gender. Thou need not feel ashamed for lusting after moi naked form."

"I'm ashamed to say that you've raised my curiosity immensely. Show me."

Vanir produced a picture. I looked at it.

"..."

"Well? Art thou captivated by moi naked form? This is moi true form, be gracious upon seeing it!"

It was just Vanir's mask laid on top of a bed. There were rose petals around it, for some reason.

 **Part 4**

Every time a crowd gathered around us, Vanir would distract them with his nude pictures, of which he seemed to have an endless supply.

"Moi finds it difficult being popular… Although moi is sure thou does not understand moi plight!"

This devil is acting pretty cocky just because we're in his stomping grounds.

Even though back in the mortal realm, he's just an employee at the least profitable shop in Axel.

This is the emotional high one achieves when they are treated like celebrities in their hometown, I call it the Homecoming Effect.

"Don't get distracted, Vanir. Where's the agency?"

"Thou doth not need to douse moi flames. It's just a bit ahead."

The dungeon real estate agency was sandwiched between a travel agency and a currency exchange provider.

"What do devils need a travel agency for?"

"Hell is an almost endless realm, there's lots of places to explore. If thou wishes, moi can arrange for thy party to have a vacation trip here."

"No thank you."

I denied the offer even though I knew Darkness and Megumin would enjoy such a trip, with the former fantasizing about all the tortures she'll go through in Hell, while the latter would find the entire concept of Hell as 'cool'.

Only Aqua and I would have a bad time, yet this similarity doesn't make me happy at all.

We entered the office. It was a small place but the inside was tidy. There was a receptionist at the front, a woman… or at least, a genderless Devil who appeared as one… wearing a fox-based mask, which reminded me of traditional animal masks back in Japan.

She suddenly stood from her seat as Vanir and I entered. She clearly struggled to control her excitement in favor of maintaining her professionalism.

"W-Welcome to Hell's finest dungeon real estate agency! The boss is available to meet you now! Please, come with me…"

She led us to a corridor. There were a total of seven rooms, three each by the sides and one room at the end of the corridor.

She led us to the last room, knocking on the door. There was a reply from another woman's voice,

"Come in."

The receptionist opened the door and stepped aside for us. I followed Vanir's confident gait. The receptionist closed the door behind us and left.

"Vanir-sama, welcome! And his companion, welcome, too!"

A woman wearing an opera-style mask greeted us.

"Please, take a seat…"

She gestured to the comfortable looking velvet chairs in front of the desk.

After we took our seats, the receptionist returned with a bottle of wine and a tray of snacks.

I took a sip of the wine.

"...! Delicious!"

"This wine is the specialty of the third circle of Hell, Gluttony. And the snacks are devilled eggs. I hope you enjoy them…"

I was a bit suspicious about these products that were supposedly produced from the third circle of hell, but they were too good to pass up.

Then, I started thinking…

"Um, which circle of hell are we in right now?"

"We're in the eight circle, Fraud."

"...Is it really alright to do business in a place called 'Fraud'?"

"Well, then, shall we get started? Vanir-sama, what are you looking for in a dungeon?"

My question was ignored. She opened a folder and took out some sheets of paper, spreading them out on the table.

"Moi cares only about the boss room. For the general layout of the dungeon, I leave it to this brat's discretion. He's the one paying for it, after all! Kekeke!"

Vanir took out a seperate folder and looked through it. The lady didn't even blink an eye when Vanir correctly guessed the right folder without asking. I guess they're all aware of his all-seeing eye.

I looked through the other sheets, but the contents didn't make sense to me.

"Vanir, you brought me here to learn about dungeons. How am I supposed to learn if you're making me do all the work?"

"Isn't it easier to learn through trial and error? And if thou wishes to learn, ask the expert over there, not moi!"

He dismissed me and returned to looking at the boss room designs, a goofy smile on his face as he flipped through the pages.

"Fear not, Vanir-sama's companion. I will help you. Now, what kind of design are you interested in? Perhaps, the classic design, or something a bit more avant garde?"

She showed me two sheets of paper. There was an illustration of the dungeon designs as well as a thorough description of their features.

"Since it's my first dungeon, I guess I want to keep it simple. But before that, Vanir mentioned that there's a way to make profit from dungeons. Can you elaborate on that?"

"Certainly! As you know, us devils can feed on the dark emotions of humans. This is why we treasure dungeons so much, because it is an excellent way to trap humans within and feed on their dark emotions…"

She wiped the drool that leaked out as she was talking about dark emotions as if it were a juicy steak.

"Vanir explained this much to me, but I still don't get how I can use that to earn money."

"It's quite simple. Within the dungeon core, there are several magic crystals. One type of crystal collects the dark emotions of those within the dungeon, while other crystals collect any excess mana produced by the skills and spells of adventurers. Once those crystals are filled up, one can sell the dark emotion crystals to devils, who place a high value on the dark emotions of adventurers. A dungeon master, who is the owner of a dungeon, can also sell the crystals filled with the mana of adventurers. If high-levelled adventurers were to visit the dungeon, they will emit high-quality mana, which will give the dungeon master high-grade mana crystals, in turn."

Such a sophisticated system actually exists.

Perhaps owning a dungeon has its uses after all.

"The brat finally sees the worth of dungeons! Ah, moi has decided on the boss room's design…"

"Excellent choice, Vanir-sama!"

As Vanir presented his choice to the agent, I thought about all the ways I can make use of a dungeon.

In the upcoming battle against Maouko, I'll need all the manpower I can get.

I can always ask the capital for reinforcements, but I don't want to spread the country's defenses too thin. That could be what Maouko is aiming for.

We need to protect Axel by ourselves.

While the town's fighting forces is strong, there were still a lot of noob adventurers residing there.

If I can get them to do some power-levelling in my dungeon, they can provide valuable help in the upcoming battle, while also feeding my crystals.

"I've also decided on my design, but rather than that, about the monsters, it says here that I can choose them?"

"Yes, sir. Here is a catalogue of all our monsters."

In the catalogue, there are the usual monsters like goblins, slimes and undead.

"How do you guys capture monsters? Do you go to the mortal realm and hunt them?"

"We also have monsters here in Hell. Some of the demons and monsters even inter-breed and give birth to new creatures."

"Er… Aren't demons sentient, almost like lesser versions of Devils?"

"That's correct."

"So… Why would they breed with monsters?"

"Sentience doesn't always result in intelligence, sir."

I guess that's an answer I can accept.

"Um, then I'll choose these monsters."

"...! This is…! These are the strongest monsters we have!"

"I can afford it, so it's no problem."

I corresponded with Maxim earlier and he gave me a quick reply. I was worried at first, but it turns out I can afford a dungeon or two just fine.

Again, I am frightened by the wealth I possess.

"It's not a matter of having the funds. As a first time dungeon owner, are you really fine with owning such strong monsters? And this many…"

"If Vanir is going to be the boss, then I'm sure he can keep the monsters in line. Isn't that right, Vanir?"

"Thou can leave it to moi!"

"It's true that the dungeon boss is what keeps the monsters in line, but if the dungeon master himself is so weak… Er, sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything!"

Instead of implying it, she just outright called me weak.

After choosing the design and the monsters, I gave my signature and the agent handed me the deed and some receipts.

I am now officially a dungeon master.

 **Part 5**

Vanir was in a pleasant mood when we left the agency.

No, he had been in this mood since we stepped foot in Hell.

"You seem awfully happy, Vanir."

"How could moi not be happy? Moi lifelong… Or should moi say 'lives-long' dream has been fulfilled! It's all thanks to the brat!"

"Well, I'm glad to help."

"And moi is glad you did! If moi had relied on that decrepit store owner, moi would have had to work for centuries! Hm…"

He trailed off in the middle of his sentence. He had a thoughtful look in his eyes. Then, he said,

"...Moi made a promise to that shopkeeper, that we'd buy a dungeon together. For moi to use the brat to take the easy way out… this leaves a bad taste."

This is the first time I've seen Vanir look so upset.

I sighed, not really sure what to do when faced with this new side of Vanir.

"And who said you and Wiz couldn't keep working together to achieve that goal? I said this earlier, right? You're just renting the boss room. I'm hiring you as an employee. I'm your boss, so why the hell do you think I'll give you any part of the dungeon I spent MY money to buy?!"

Vanir looked at me in surprise for a second. Then he burst into laughter.

"Mu… Muhahahaha! As expected of this greedy brat! Very well! If it's like that, then moi has no problems with this arrangement! This means moi will have to get that penniless shopkeeper to work even harder!"

And just like that, the usual Vanir returned.

"You really care about Wiz, huh?"

"If thou tries to tease the great moi, then thou will get a taste of the Vanir-style deathray…!"

"Please forgive me."

We left it at that.

"As long as thou understands. Ah, as a special service, would the brat like a tour of Hell?"

"No, thanks."

That didn't seem very appealing to me.

"Didn't the brat promise the other brat, the dark goddess loli, about getting her a souvenir? Hm? And moi imagines thy comrades would also like a gift."

I could just imagine a pouting Regina wondering why I didn't get her a souvenir like she asked me to.

"Fine! Just a quick tour, that's it!"

With my reluctant permission, Vanir began showing me around the eight circle of Hell.

Even though heaven, at least, the 'V.I.P.' version of heaven, looked like what I expected it to be, with roads comprised of gold and crystalline rivers running along it, Hell looked a bit too much like the mortal realm for my taste.

The streets were made out of ordinary pavement, the architecture was similar to those found in Belzerg, and aside from the masks, even the devils looked similar to humans. There were some demons scurrying around, but they seemed to be treated like lower-class citizens. Maybe that's why they're treated as foot-soldiers for the Devil King.

As Vanir was leading us through the shopping center, we saw a crowd gathering. There were a mixture of devils and demons, although the majority of those gathered were demons.

I couldn't see past the crowd but Vanir froze in place. He must have seen something with his all-seeing eye.

"Hm? Vanir, what's up? Is something going on in that crowd?"

"Well… Moi supposes it wouldn't hurt to have thou see..."

Saying those cryptic words, Vanir let me go ahead to check it out.

I joined the crowd to see what the commotion was all about.

"...!"

Only to see someone I didn't expect to have encountered at this point in time.

Standing in the middle of the crowd was a girl with red hair, horns and a pair of wings.

"Denizens of hell! I am Maouko, the new Devil King! You may have heard the rumors, that I am building up my army once more! Come! Devils and demons alike! Come under the banner of the new Devil King!"

There were some cheers from the demons, but the devils just rolled their eyes.

"Oi, ojou-chan. Didn't you lose to the heroes already? Just give it a rest."

"Yeah, just be glad the heroes didn't seal you away, or split your body up in different parts and hid it away in secret locations all over the world. That's what happens to Devil Kings who are beaten up by heroes, yanno?"

"Your daddy got lucky. He's currently relaxing in the Devil King retirement home even though he lost to the heroes. Why don't you be a good girl and go visit him?"

Maouko blushed as the spectating devils teased her.

"Shut up! And I already visited daddy! Now, if you don't plan to join me, then frick off! Grr…!"

Was she ever this petulant? She was much more menacing when I last saw her.

As the crowd thinned out, we both made eye-contact.

"..." x 2.

I raised my hand in greeting.

"Yo."

"'Yo' my ass! What the hell are you doing in hell?! Burn in hell!"

That's a hell of a sentence.

She took out her rapier, but before she could attack me, Vanir stepped in between us.

"...! Vanir-san!"

"Now, now. Good children mustn't fight. And hast thou forgotten that acts of violence is expressly forbidden in the nine circles of Hell?"

"Tch…"

Maouko reluctantly sheathed her rapier while still glaring at me.

There's no violence allowed in Hell? My image of Hell has really turned on its head.

"Vanir-san, don't tell me… You're with this bastard?!"

"Indeed! Moi is going shopping with this bastard!"

"Stop calling me a bastard! My father is alive and well… I hope. A-Anyway, this is a good opportunity, so I'll let you in on something, Maouko! You're planning to wage war on us, right? Well, Vanir is on my side now, so let's see you try!"

"Eh?! Vanir-san is really on the enemy's side?!"

Even though I was taking this opportunity to bluff, Vanir refuted me by shaking his head.

"Moi is not on anyone's side. Moi has merely been employed by this brat to protect the town of Axel from thou's army."

"Oho? Then that means Vanir-san will cease protecting the town if I bribe… I mean, pay you more than this bastard is paying you?"

There was a twinkle in her red eyes.

I got a bit nervous. Knowing Vanir, he might actually do Maouko's bidding if the pay is high enough…!

"How much is this bastard paying you?"

"He just bought a dungeon for my use."

"Hyuuukkk!"

Maouko made a weird strangled, wheezing sound the likes of which I've never heard before.

"A-A-A dungeon?! I heard that this bastard is rich, but how much money do you have?! B-But that means that you spent all of your capital getting Vanir-san to help you, right?! I can take advantage of that…"

"No, I'm still plenty rich. I got stacks on stacks, baby."

I couldn't resist giving a smug grin to Maouko, who was starting to deflate.

It's best to demoralize her now as much as possible.

Maybe I can have her give up if she believes that we had the overwhelming advantage.

Already, the demons that have gathered were starting to scatter once they heard that Vanir was on my payroll.

"...Heh. If that's it, then I'll just have to crush you thoroughly. Even Vanir-san, if you get in my way."

Maouko said, with gritted teeth and clenched fists. Her whole body was trembling with anger.

That's right, this is the type of person she is.

Things like bluffing won't work on her.

She's narcissistic, immature and petty, furthermore, a straight-up psychopath.

She started heading my way. My body stiffened, thinking she'd assault me without caring about Hell's laws, but she just kept walking past me.

"Your little lady friend, how is she? I tried killing her last time, but it looks like my pawn failed. I won't take such indirect methods next time…"

She sneered, then kept walking away.

"Oi, Maouko."

"Hah?"

"Take this. Gender equality drop-kiiick!"

"Eh…?! Buwahh!"

I drop-kicked that bitch straight on her head.

 **Part 6**

"...Thou never ceases to astound moi. Even with the all-seeing eye, moi can't predict thou's actions."

Vanir said, as he looked at me through the bars of my jail cell.

"That's right officer. This man… This cruel man… Drop-kicked me right here…"

Maouko was just outside, talking to an officer.

When Maouko saw me looking at her, she stuck her tongue out and flashed a 'V' sign.

I pointed to my head, referring to the large, red bump on her head that grew as a result of my no-holds barred drop-kick.

She snatched her head away with a 'hmph'!

"So… Vanir. How is this looking like? Can you pay for my bail? I'll pay you back."

"Brat, this is hell thou is talking about. Once thou is integrated into the criminal system, there is no escape. Basically, while the rest of Hell's society is civilized and is almost like a utopia, the prisons are more reminiscent of the depictions humanity has of Hell…"

"S-So… Eternally burning inferno? Worms that slither all over your intestines? Ants that crawl out of your eyes? Stuff like that?"

Vanir only nodded his head.

"Hyuuuukkkk!"

I made the strange sound Maouko produced earlier.

"I-Isn't Vanir an Arch-Duke of Hell? Um… Can't you pull some strings?"

To this, Vanir only shook his head.

"Not even moi who is the Arch-Duke can circumvent Hell's justice system. The denizens of Hell take criminal matters seriously. Sinner must be punished."

My original image of Hell is recovering…!

"Well, then, officer, if that's all you need from me, I'll be taking my leave now!"

Maouko stood from her seat. She turned around and purposely winked at me.

That bitch…!

With Maouko gone, the officer who recorded her testimony approached Vanir and I.

"Vanir-san, we get that this human is your companion, but from the evidence we gathered and the eye-witness reports… It doesn't look good."

There was a grave look on Vanir's face.

"But since Vanir-san is the one vouching for this human, this human's sentence has been drastically reduced."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"Instead of ten infinities, he will now serve only five."

"Excuse me?!"

This isn't good for my heart. Forget lasting an infinity, at this rate, I'd die from heart complications in the next ten years or so.

"Cheer up, brat. At the very least, thou won't be lonely in prison. After all, moi has an acquaintance named Maxwell who acts as a torturer there. Ah, and I believe a former minor-lord thou is acquainted with by the name of Alderp is also serving several infinities in prison…"

"I don't care! Is this Vanir's idea of cheering me up?!"

Although it was interesting to hear where that Alderp fatass ended up after he mysteriously disappeared, I didn't want to join him in Hell's prison!

"Oi, Vanir! Try a little bit harder! You won't get to play boss-man in my dungeon if I'm in jail! Do something!"

"Moi is only trying to lighten the mood. Moi is considering every possibility. But even with the all-seeing eye…"

"That all-seeing eye of yours is pretty useless, isn't it?! After all, you couldn't even predict what attack I'd choose in that first battle of ours!"

I was in a total panic, and who could blame me?

I died often enough to develop some kind of mental resistance to the whole dying process, but this is too much…!

Is there anyway to escape? Think, think… When I was in impossible situations before, what did I do?

I need to think about the toughest situations I've managed to weasel my way out of so far…!

The first thing that came to mind was the Destroyer fight. I didn't think we could survive that. And after all that effort, I still got in trouble because that fatass Alderp's mansion blew up due to…

Teleport.

Among the many skills I learned recently, the Teleport spell with its many uses was one of the first I prioritized.

In that Destroyer event, I had Wiz do a random-teleport on the volatile Coronatite core, which ended up decimating Alderp's mansion.

"Say, Vanir, if I happen to break the law again, would my sentence increase?"

"...? Yes, they will add several more infinities to thou's sentence."

As if that would make any difference!

"Fine, if the future is so grim, then I'll just run away from it! Don't underestimate a NEET who ditched school to play video games all day! This is the power of NEETs! Teleport!"

In an instant, I felt an invisible force pulling me away from the inside of my cell, leading me to my desired location.

"Eh? Kazuma? How did you get here?"

I ended up in Megumin's room.

…

...

 **A/N: As you might be able to tell from the way the plot is progressing, I'm starting to wrap up the story. I have about ten chapters planned until then, not including denouement/extra chapters. I'll try to crank out as many chapters as I can before school starts this fall, so please continue to support the fic.**

 **-BoringBone**


	37. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35: An Encounter with this Beautiful, Explosive Nee-san!**

 **Proofreader: LordVTP**

 **Part 1**

I had marked our house as a destination point for the Teleport skill.

I ended up in Megumin's room after my attempt to escape Hell.

"S-So cool…"

Megumin had this to say when I explained the situation to her.

"I knew you'd say that. Hey, this is a serious matter! I'm a wanted criminal in Hell now!"

"And that's what makes it so cool! Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined that Kazuma would do something so cool! I'm your number one fan for a reason!"

She excitedly leaned close to me, looking up with sparkling eyes.

"That's… Sigh, never mind. I don't think they'd go out of their way to chase me here, right? Ahh, I don't even want to think about it! Let's change the subject! How's Megumin's search going?"

"Chomuske got tired of walking around, so I brought her home. She's currently taking a bath now."

"For a cat, that one sure likes to take baths. What's Megumin doing up here in her room when it's still early? Planning to take a midday nap?"

"I'm not so lazy that I'd do such a thing. I had to stop the search short because of Chomusuke, but thanks to the neko-radar, I know the general direction of where the enemy camp may be. I was making a map before Kazuma came in."

Megumin showed me a map of the town. She had drawn strange symbols all over it.

"I don't know how to read this."

"That's because it's deciphered in code. Kazuma must crack the code first. We must take care to confuse the enemy."

"I'm the one who's confused here. Just show me where you think they're hiding or I'll show Megumin just what an escaped convict from Hell can do..."

I wiggled my fingers in a creepy manner.

"That's cool! How menacing! Do that again while saying a similar line! Ah, but it'd be even cooler if Kazuma wears his thieving outfit while saying such lines!"

Instead of being creeped out, Megumin just got even more impressed.

It took a bit of prompting, but Megumin finally showed me where she thinks the enemy camp is located.

"This wooded area here, just in the fringes of town."

"I guess that would be the smartest place to hide an army. Maouko also hid her base in the forest outside of the Crimson Demon village last time. But the question is, where exactly is their camp?"

"Does it matter? If I just use my explosion magic to blow it all up…"

"Starting a forest fire near the town will end up in a disaster, please think of solutions outside of blasting things away for once."

Also, firing an explosion big enough to engulf the entirety of the woods will damage the town as well.

Megumin scrunched her face as if I had given her an incredibly difficult task.

"Well, there's no point in rushing in. I have some stuff to do beforehand, so this works fine. As long as they don't attack us first, things will be just…"

Suddenly, we heard a distant but resounding boom.

We rushed to the window, just in time to see smoke and fire rising from the walls surrounding the town.

A wide, top portion of the eastern wall was destroyed.

I used the Farsight skill and looked through the new gap in the wall. I saw a figure outside the wall.

The figure fit Serena's descriptions of Wolbach.

"Kazuma, what do you see?"

"Megumin was right. She has big boobs. Ow, don't step on my foot, I'll lose concentration. Oh, look what you've done, I lost sight of her."

She teleported away.

There was panic in the streets but guild staff, town guards and adventurers were quick to respond.

"Seems like no one is hurt. I'm surprised the wall suffered minimal damage, considering the power output of explosion..."

"From what I heard, some mages from the capital arrived to help reinforce the town's defenses. Ah, there are also some top adventurers who were sent here."

I didn't think it was a good idea to spread the country's fighting forces too thin, but a handful of reinforcements should be fine. I should thank the old man.

"I don't think our defenses can hold up if Wolbach turns this into a battle of attrition. And if Wolbach starts chipping away at the wall everyday… Hm? What's that?"

I saw some movement around the walls. Ladders were raised and scaffolding were already being built.

"I heard that Aqua was recruited to lead the wall repair team in the event the enemy tries to breach it."

Already, the Aqua who is mysteriously good at all kinds of random things, was making significant progress in repairing the wall. The carpenters we used to work with were also lending a hand.

"I guess I can leave the defenses to them. Good, because I have my own plans."

"Does it involve breaking out of Hell's prison again?!"

"No, that's something I never want to repeat again. Ever."

 **Part 2**

I wanted to debrief with the others, but Darkness and Aqua were busy with their own duties.

Chris is part of the search crew and they were looking through the woods right now, where Megumin thinks Wolbach's camp is located.

Knowing Maouko, though, she set up some kind of trick to hide her base from view.

I took Megumin to Vanir's shop, hoping that the devil returned with news from Hell.

I found Vanir waiting for me. He was in front of the store and he had a stiff smile on his face.

"Thou… Is indeed very unpredictable."

"...Is it that bad?"

"It's pretty bad, brat."

"Hey, Vanir-san, please elaborate on Kazuma's daring escape! And don't spare any details!"

While there was a serious mood between Vanir and I, Megumin said this enthusiastically.

"Moi has no time to spare on frivolities! Brat, thou dungeon has been built, it's time to visit it!"

"Eh? That fast?! But wait, isn't Hell on my tail right now?!"

"It will take Hell a while to decide what to do with thou. They are rather thorough. In the meantime, thou also has plans with the dungeon. Let us not waste time and go!"

Vanir was all giddy like a kid about to open their birthday present.

"A dungeon? Kazuma has a dungeon? Eh, eh, eh?"

Megumin poked me repeatedly as she heard about my newly purchased dungeon.

"Fine! Let's just go there! You two won't calm down unless we go, so let's just go!"

"Yayyy~!" x 2.

Vanir and I arranged for the dungeon to be built at a location that was familiar to Megumin and I.

On the cliff where the abandoned castle used to be, that's where my new dungeon has been constructed.

As the old castle has been reduced to rubble by Megumin, there was a vacant spot for the new dungeon.

"Whoooaaaa! Kazuma got me a new target!"

"I didn't buy a dungeon for Megumin to practice her explosion on!"

After reprimanding Megumin, we walked to the entrance. There was a sign in front, "Kazuma's Dungeon".

We noticed that Luna-san and some other guild staff were already around the perimeter of the dungeon. When we arrived, Luna-san walked over to us. She had heavy bags under her eyes.

"...Kazuma-san? This dungeon, it wouldn't happen to be yours?"

"Er, yes, it's mine."

"HOW?! How did you suddenly build a dungeon?! I thought it was just a coincidence that this new dungeon is named 'Kazuma's Dungeon' but it's really yours?!"

"It's so cool, isn't it?!"

"More like it's troublesome!"

Luna-san disagreed with Megumin as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"...I don't even want to know the details. Kazuma-san, you already know that we have a lot on our plate right now, why are you giving me a new headache to deal with?"

"Trust me, Luna-san. I'm planning to use this dungeon for the sake of the town."

"...I'm listening."

Vanir and Megumin couldn't wait on me. They went ahead to look inside the dungeon while I shared my plan with Luna-san.

I told her about the power-levelling regimen I had planned for the adventurers and town guards, which will hopefully increase our battle potential in the war.

"That… Could actually be very helpful."

Luna said, looking thoughtful.

"They can go in shifts, half will spend time guarding the town while the other half comes here to train. And since Vanir is the boss of the dungeon, he can keep the monsters from killing or dealing serious injuries to anyone. By the way, I heard that the capital sent some reinforcements?"

She nodded, looking very intrigued by my plan.

"Yes, they sent some high-level adventurers and mages who are helping to enhance our walls."

"Good. Like I said, my plan is to have the high-level adventurers deal with the boss monsters in this dungeon. Then, once the monsters are dying, the low-level adventurers will deal the final blow, giving them the experience points."

"Such a shortcut method… I heard the Crimson Demons used this method to train their young. But to apply the same method to adventurers… This could revolutionize the way this country trains its combatants…!"

I'm just surprised no one outside of the Crimson Demons has tried this method before. I guess it's due to lack of resources.

"I hired Vanir to defend the citizens of the town, but that doesn't mean he can protect even those who are fighting. Maouko is recruiting demons and devils to join her army, we need to be prepared."

"...Kazuma-san is actually taking this seriously. Since when did you become so dependable?"

Luna-san looked at me as if seeing me for the first time.

"I guess you can thank Darkness for always nagging me to try harder."

I said, while thinking about the Darkness who's been working non-stop since the festival.

She took out some kind of device from her satchel. It seemed to be a radar of some sort.

"We were frightened when our machines picked up the presence of a new dungeon in this town, but if it's Kazuma-san's personal dungeon, I guess it should be fine. We'll register this as an official dungeon. The rating of the dungeon will be determined as we send the adventurers and guards there to train."

"Yeah, just leave it to me."

I pounded my chest, trying to make myself look as dependable as possible. Luna-san didn't seem too convinced, though.

…

…

After Luna-san and the others left, I entered the dungeon to join Vanir and Megumin, who had gone ahead.

This was also a good chance for me to explore the dungeon.

The interior was made of simple, smooth stone and the dim lighting was provided by torches installed on the walls. I chose a simple dungeon design, but I didn't expect the interior design to be as minimalistic as the 2D dungeons found in early CRPGs. I suppose this has its own charm, but maybe I should consider an upgrade in the future.

I encountered monsters along the way, the typical mobs like goblins and slimes, which I only purchased to fit the ambience of the dungeon, not for their combat strength. They didn't attack me since I'm the Dungeon Master.

I found Vanir and Megumin after climbing several floors. They were standing in front of a large door. This must be the final boss room.

"What's up? How come you guys aren't going in?"

"The dungeon master is required to unlock the boss rooms, brat."

"If Vanir knew that, then why did you rush in without me?"

I moved past this hyped-up duo and placed my hand on the door. It opened, as if recognizing me as its master.

Inside, there was a spacious room. A grand stairway leads to a massive, golden throne with many treasure chests around it. It was a stark contrast from the simplicity of the rest of the dungeon.

"Oi, Vanir, you really went all out with your room, huh?"

"Moi will not settle for anything less when it comes to moi boss room. Also, how else will moi attract heroes here if the appearance of the boss room is shabby? Ah, don't worry about the costs of those treasure chests. They are merely props, and the biggest chest is set up so moi can pop out from it and surprise the adventurers who believe that they have slain moi…"

"I don't really understand Vanir's weird dream, but I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."

I can only shrug and leave it at that.

Megumin ran up the stairs to the throne. She sat on it and crossed her legs, trying to make herself look imperial.

"I'm impressed, Vanir-san! You have good taste!"

"Ahhh! The crazy girl sat on moi throne! Moi is supposed to be the first to sit on the throne! It is moi boss room!"

"Don't be selfish, Vanir-san. We can share. Oi, don't pick me up and throw me! Wahhh!"

Vanir lifted Megumin by the waist and threw her out, taking the throne for himself.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, tell Vanir-san to let me have a turn."

Megumin said, after dusting herself off.

"No! The brat bought this for moi!"

I feel like a parent dealing with two kids who just got a gaming console.

"Megumin, let Vanir have his moment. Come here, I'll show you something cool."

"Something cool?! Even cooler than a final boss room?!"

Without sparing Vanir another glance, she dashed down the stairs to me.

"That's right. Come this way."

While relying on my memory of the dungeon's design, I led us to one of the other boss rooms.

The door opened for me when I placed my hand on it.

Compared to Vanir's boss room, this one aligned more with the rest of the dungeon's bare-bones design. There's a simple, dark stone walkway that leads to an open area.

"Kazuma, this room doesn't look as cool as the other one… Hmm?!"

Just as Megumin was criticizing the place, she stopped in her tracks as she saw the figure waiting at the center of the room.

It was a headless knight, a Dullahan.

"Fufu… To think there are adventurers who have reach this room already. Welcome to my…! Eh?! The crazy explosion girl?!"

He jumped in surprise, the glowing eyes behind the helmet he was carrying were wide open and clearly showing his distress and shock.

"Eh? Kazuma, Kazuma, isn't this that Dullahan? I thought he's already dead? Is he haunting us? Are we being haunted? That's also pretty cool!"

I was surprised to see the former Devil King army general, Beldia, included in the list of monsters available for purchase.

"Take up work as a dungeon monster, they said! The pay is good and you can even return to the mortal realm, they said! Geez, who would have thought I'd end up employed by you nuts?!"

Beldia held his detached head in the air, shaking it violently, as he screamed in agony.

"Hey, Kazuma, I think this guy is rather impudent for a dungeon monster. How about I teach him a lesson…?"

"Hihhh…?!"

Megumin didn't take too kindly to being called a nut or a crazy explosion girl.

"I paid good money for this guy. Don't do anything weird, Megumin. Hmm… It'd be kind of sad to kill you off just so some noobs can get experience points, considering our history. I know, I'll just leave you in charge of the dungeon's defenses. You can be a Mid-boss, I guess."

"Tch! Am I supposed to be grateful for that?! You nuts who explode, explode, explode, explode and explode all day?! Day after day after day you come to my castle and go boom, boom, boom, boom, boom?! Gyahhhh!"

He collapsed onto the ground in a fetal position while remembering his past traumas.

"Ne, the bad guy who casted a fatal curse on Darkness doesn't have the right to talk."

Megumin wasn't willing to relent at all. She crossed her arms and glared at Beldia accusingly.

"Hah?! I wasn't actually going to let that honorable knight die, you know?! If you had just come to my castle, I would have congratulated you on your bravery and lifted the curse! I-I even prepared a party and some cake for you, b-but you guys didn't come…"

He pointed his fingers together while the eyes behind his helmet, which, after all his flailing around ended up lying on its side on the ground beside him, glanced away shyly.

"Ew… Kazuma, this guy reeks of the same desperate, loner smell as Yunyun. Let's get out of here."

"Hah?! P-Please don't leave me! Are you really going to leave me here in this dark place?! Nuuuu!"

We left the room and closed the door behind us.

 **Part 3**

Megumin and I continued to tour the rest of the dungeon.

"There's some phantom type undead over there."

"Ohhh! Cool! I can't see them but that's cool!"

Megumin has been saying 'that's cool!' for a while now.

I got the Priest skill Spectral Sight, which allows me to see the phantom-type undead in the dungeon and other spiritual bodies.

The phantom-type undead aren't capable of physical damage, but they can use debuff spells on the enemy like 'Fear' or 'Curse'.

"You have many types of monsters in this dungeon, Kazuma."

"Yeah, I guess I went a bit overboard."

It's like I'm playing a dungeon-maker game.

After touring the entire place, we checked up on Vanir, who insisted on staying in his boss-room for a while, then we left the dungeon.

"Now that the Dullahan is back in this nostalgic place, I want to cast explosion on him now."

"No. I'll never allow any explosion magic on this dungeon! Explosion magic is banned!"

To prove a point, I took a sign and placed 'No Explosion magic' by the entrance.

"Tch… Ruining all the fun."

"Megumin can start talking once she earns enough money in her lifetime to even cover half the cost of this dungeon."

When we returned to the town, I headed to the guild to deal with the next order of business.

However, there was quite a commotion in the guild.

"OK! Can the capital's reinforcements and the Crimson Demon reinforcements please line up here! We'll discuss our schedule for today!"

Darkness and Luna were addressing a crowd of high-level adventurers and Crimson Demons.

When I arrived, their heads turned to my direction.

"It's Kazuma-san! Hey, Kazuma-san! Thanks for employing me! I was in trouble for a while but you really helped my finances out!"

Some of the Japanese reincarnates are here.

"Hey, Satou Kazuma. It's nice to see you again."

Among them, a handsome Japanese youth approached me.

"Oh, if it isn't Katsuragi."

"It's Mitsurugi! Anyway, as you can see I've been assigned as part of the reinforcements. I'm looking forward to fight alongside you."

"Ah, yeah. About that. Darkness, I need to borrow these guys."

Darkness sighed as I disrupted her meeting.

"Luna-san already informed me about your ridiculous plan. I was just about to lead these people to your new dungeon. Seriously… Kazuma has a dungeon?!"

Is it really that hard to believe?

"To come up with a plan to effectively boost our fighting force's capabilities… As expected of the hero."

Mitsurugi said, with a twitch in his smile, clearly leaving a lot of his real thoughts unsaid.

"Well, I'll be relying on you. You guys can go ahead to the dungeon. Darkness, you already figured out the shift rotations, right?"

"Yes. I've already selected the first batch of trainees."

I looked at the Crimson Demons.

"Will they be helping as well?"

"Since this training method originally belonged to the Crimson Demons, I figured that they have more experience when it comes to this. Also, when I asked them to help with the town's defenses, they said they don't want boring bodyguard duties and would rather work in the dungeon. Ugh…"

I looked at the Crimson Demon group. They sent quite a few people here. I should thank the village chief as well.

I spotted Megumin's friends, Funifura and Dodonko. They shyly waved at me. Arue was also there and she gave me a casual wave.

"Oh? Fuwarin-san?"

I also spotted Fuwarin-san among the crowd.

I was quite surprised to see her since she seemed resolved to stay in the Crimson Demon village for a while, yet here she is.

She smiled at me in greeting.

"Hello, Hero-kun. It's been a while."

She's still calling me by that weird nickname.

"What is Fuwarin-san doing here? Do you really want to join the fighting force that much?"

She pouted cutely. I had to remind myself that I'm talking to a granny who's been frozen for several decades.

"When I heard you guys were in trouble, I just had to come right away. Besides, I can't let my cute grand niece fight by herself!"

"Grand niece? Could Fuwarin-san be talking about…?"

"Alright, everyone! Let's move out!"

Darkness finished addressing the crowd and issued everyone to report to the dungeon.

"Well, then, let's continue our chat next time, Hero-kun!"

Fuwarin-san waved as she followed Darkness, Luna-san and the others.

As the crowd cleared, I saw Dust in the bar. He waved me over.

"Man, everyone sure is busy lately. We're smarter than that, aren't we, Kazuma? Let's drink and eat while the try-hards do everything by themselves!"

He raised his glass and winked.

"I think I'm actually the busiest try-hard around right now. Oi, Dust, I can count on you for the battle, right?"

"Hah? Yeah, I guess we'll have to fight. My party needs their swordsman after all."

He put an emphasis on 'swordsman'.

"Preferably, I'd like to see you handle a spear…"

"Dude, are you coming on to me?"

He backed away in disgust.

"Ugh, you know what I'm talking about! Listen, the fighting is going to be intense. Think the Destroyer battle except, like, ten times worse."

"Pssh…! With so many famous adventurers around, why do I have to put in any extra effort? And I already blew my identity in front of the king, for cryin' out loud. I'm probably on some kind of criminal watchlist right now."

"You're on a watchlist, but for another separate reason."

I said, recalling his criminal file that I found in the police station.

He gulped down the rest of his beer, foam forming around his mouth. He wiped it clean with the back of his hand.

"Listen, I'll just do my job as a normal adventurer. I'll be fighting some mooks with my rookie team, but that's it. Don't expect me to be in the frontlines or anything crazy like that."

I sighed, giving up on pursuing the matter.

"Fine. This is Dust we're talking about. What was I expecting? Later."

"Oi, Kazuma, where are you going? Take it easy for a bit. Buy the both of us a couple rounds of beer. Hehe."

"I don't have time to be bumming around! I have very important stuff to do!"

"Che! Look at this big shot. Doesn't have time for the small people anymore."

Dust said, as he licked the rim of his mug for any remaining drop of beer.

 **Part 4**

Later into the day, Wolbach returned for a follow-up assault.

Like yesterday, she destroyed a large portion of the wall and promptly escaped with Teleport.

"Using such tactics… How cowardly."

Arue said, after we heard the report from Luna-san.

We were inside my dungeon and I was following Arue's group. The trainees and instructors were separated into different teams and exploring different floors of the dungeon.

"Don't the Crimson Demons rely on such tactics as well? Firing off big, showy spells and then running away with Teleport…"

"It's different when Crimson Demons do it. We're the race chosen to turn over the wheels of Ragnarok. We're allowed to do whatever we please."

"So you say."

Funifura heard my exchange with Arue. She glared at Arue and said,

"Kazuma-san, don't listen to this hillbilly from the Crimson Demon village! Not all Crimson Demons are as delusional as her!"

Dodonko chipped in, following up after Funifura,

"That's right. Don't pay attention to that hillbilly, Kazuma-san! Why don't us city-folk go talk over there, away from this hillbilly?"

Funifura and Dodonko had taken on a rebelliious attitude against their own clan after witnessing the clan's eccentric behavior during King Belzerg's visit.

They now consider themselves 'city-folk' even though, from what I hear, they still live in their parents' houses in the village. Axel isn't even a city, it's a town. I don't know why they're so proud to be hanging around here.

"Satou Kazuma, my team and I have cleared our floor. We'll help our trainees allocate their newly gained Skill Points now."

The true city slicker Mitsurugi showed up. Funifura and Dodonko hurriedly fixed their hair while sneaking glances at Mitsurugi. This is the 'handsome guy' effect at work.

Sorry, girls. You're not his type. He prefers his girls idiotic and blue-haired.

"I heard that Aqua-sama is working hard to repair the city's fortifications as we speak. As expected of a goddess…"

See what I mean?

The reincarnates and Crimson Demons are already used to this method of helping others power-level. I hired the reincarnates for this same purpose and the Crimson Demons employ this method in their magic academies. They're quite adept at disabling monsters and letting their weaker trainees deal the finishing blow.

"This reminds me of our school days but I guess we're the ones doing the teaching and training now."

Arue said, as she fired a lightning spell at a Mystic Spider, letting a rookie Warrior deal the last blow.

"I-I suppose that hick town wasn't so bad when it comes to education…"

Funifura said, as she sent a Magma Serpent writhing on the ground with a powerful water spell.

"Wind Blade…! Wow… I'm gaining so much levels, Kazuma-san!"

Lynn said, after she finished off the Magma Serpent Funifura weakened.

"Hiyah! Heh, this is the best! Maybe I'll gain enough levels and stats to get an advanced class?!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Keith. Sigh… Where the hell is Dust?! That guy should be here raising his levels!"

Dust's party, Lynn, Keith and Taylor, were diligently raising their levels.

"Things look good here. Arue, once your team clears this floor, rendezvous at the Safe Area and help Keith and the others with their Skill Point distributions… Actually, nevermind. Just give them over to Luna-san and she'll help them."

"W-Wait! Kazuma-san changed his mind because he thinks Crimson Demons have no common sense, right?! Not all Crimson Demons are like that…!"

I ignored the cries of Funifura and Dodonko, who were hellbent on denying their roots and dark past as Crimson Demon chuunibyou.

I left them to their own devices as I had something else to do. I left the area, descended deeper down the dungeon and entered one of the Safe Areas.

I commanded the monsters not to enter or attack adventurers in the designated Safe Areas. I was also using one of these Safe Areas as a place for my factory.

"Fuwarin-san, how's the work going?"

"Ah, Hero-kun. I'm making significant progress."

Wearing a lab coat and protective goggles, Fuwarin-san greeted me excitedly.

The factory area where I assigned Fuwarin-san is now filled with golems of various shapes and sizes.

Fuwarin-san's specialty as an Arch-Wizard is golem creation. She even has the ability to mould the shape and properties of her golems with the Golem Transmutation skill.

"After this shift, I'd like to see Megumin-chan…"

"Un. I'm sorry for having Fuwarin-san do all this work without letting you see Megumin first."

"Don't mind. I'm glad to help. What is Hero-kun planning to use these golems for, anyway?"

"They could be useful."

Golems were very versatile and I even relied on them to farm EXP for me in the past. The Golem Transmutation skill at the hands of a master like Fuwarin-san further expanded their utility.

"I see. Well, here's the list of commands. They'll follow basic commands according to their configurations and programming, but they can't do any complex maneuvers that's outside of these pre-existing configurations."

"Yeah, I guess having a bunch of super smart golems that can execute any task is too OP. Still, Fuwarin-san managed to make a lot of golems. I'll have to give you another area to store them in."

"Ehhh? Hero-kun is planning to make more?"

She said in astonishment as she looked at the golems that were now filling this vast area of the dungeon.

I nodded my head.

"If Fuwarin-san needs to replenish her mana, you can use one of the mana crystals in the core room."

With the others using spells and skills to clear the floors, spilling excess mana into the dungeon's frame, the mana crystals were quickly filling up.

I'm sure the Despair Crystals, a name Vanir had come up with, were also quickly filling up.

I told people that there was a 'treasure' awaiting them if they reached the last floor of the dungeon and managed to beat the boss.

Vanir was having a lot of fun trolling these gullible people.

It's vital to instill a sense of reality and disillusionment to these newbie adventurers.

It wouldn't do good to have them grow big heads just because they're quickly gaining levels right now. They need to have the cruel realities of adventuring beaten into them, and being tricked by a devil as you're about to take his treasure is a good way to have them learn about the perils of adventuring, that things don't always go your way.

Well, at least I hope this is the case, or otherwise I'm just subjecting them needlessly to be Vanir's unwilling playthings.

Just as I was thinking that things were progressing smoothly, the dungeon's intercom system carried the panicked voice of Beldia.

" _D-Dungeon Master…! Boss! Can you hear me?! The Crusader in your party has found my room! I repeat, she's found my room!"_

" _T-T-T-This dullahan has returned from the dead just to defile me?! H-How persistent! Are you so insistent on ravishing my body that you'd go this far?!"_

" _Somebody save meeeee! I don't caaaree how you dooo ittt!"_

I was afraid of this happening, that Darkness will find Beldia and get all turned on.

I left Fuwarin-san to her work and went straight to Beldia's room.

When I opened the door, I found Beldia hunched up on the ground, quaking in fear as a blushing Darkness stood over him.

"K-Kazuma! What do I do?! This vile creature has come here to do all sorts of n-n-naughty things to my body!"

It looks like Darkness is the one who's planning to do all kinds of wicked things, though.

"Sigh… You were so close, Darkness. You started having less 'M' outbreaks these days. I guess the sight of Beldia triggered some old fantasies, huh? Come on, let's leave poor Beldia-san alone."

He's about to be terrorized by Megumin who will probably come later, anyway.

"No, Kazuma I can't! Our fighting force is training in this dungeon! I can't let them fall in harms way to this demon…!"

She said such cool lines even while wiping drool from her mouth.

"Stop wasting my time already! If you're not gonna leave then… Bind!"

The rope wrapped around Darkness's neck, like a leash. I tugged on the other end of the rope.

"Come on, let's go, you mutt. Time for your daily walk."

"K-K-Kazuma?! W-What are you doing?!"

"This is the only way to get you out, right? If I do something as equally degrading as being locked in a room with a Dullahan? And didn't you say you wanted to experience first hand what I did to Claire and Lucie that one time as punishment? Then why don't I show you… Now come here, Doggie-ness! Time for your walk!"

I tugged on her collar. She immediately went down on her hands and knees without being told.

"L-Let go of me, Kazuma… This is so… Yip! Humiliating! Yip!"

She's saying 'Yip!' like a dog in heat without being told.

"Sniff. You're not bad, kid. Even though you once stole my head and kicked it around like a ball, you're not bad at all…"

I left the poor Beldia alone as I dragged Darkness out of his room.

 **Part 5**

"Ahem. Sorry about that display, Kazuma. I've been really stressed lately, and needed some kind of outlet."

Darkness apologized only after I walked her around the dungeon like a dog for half an hour or so. She sure took advantage of that development.

"You've been busy with the festival preparations and now must deal with the war. I guess I can understand."

"Thank you for understanding my fetish."

"I understand your situation, but I'll never understand _that_."

We were chatting outside the dungeon. Darkness is standing like a normal person again after I freed her from the rope. There's still friction burn marks around her neck and she fondly traced her fingers over them, relishing the pain.

"Everyone is working hard to improve. I will also train my skills."

I scoffed at Darkness's words.

"That's funny, Darkness."

"I-I'm not joking! When I have free time, I'm always practicing my sword skills!"

"Darkness can also join the power-levelling training if you want. Maybe you can spend points on sword skills rather than spending it all on defense."

"Uuu~ Even so… It's hard for me to hit the enemy."

"Even if someone else does most of the fighting for you?!"

I underestimated this girl's ineptness.

She glanced away ashamedly. She's acting shy now even though she was enthusiastically acting out the part of a leashed dog earlier.

"I'm trying! I'll head back to the dungeon after this and keep training!"

"This is Darkness's fault for spending all her points on defense in the first place…"

She flinched and turned her body away from me.

"I-I'm learning from my mistakes! I've been saving my skill points for sword skills recently, but because of my lack of talent, I need to spend at least double the skill points than normal to learn them."

"...You're kidding me, right?"

"I wish I were! And even if I learn sword skills, it's not a guarantee that I'll be able to use them. It all comes down to talent and compatibility after all…"

While the adventurer card system is very convenient, it is only a tool to help one manage their own growth.

One can't do anything about their inherent weaknesses or flaws.

For example, no matter how many levels I gain, my stats max out around level thirty. There's no way to surpass the wall that is talent.

I patted Darkness on the shoulder.

"Hang in there, Darkness. I'm sure you'll be able to hit a stationary target one day."

"I know Kazuma is saying that sarcastically but that's actually one of my main goals. Kuh!"

Darkness went back to the dungeon. Since I didn't have anymore business there, I headed back to town.

When I returned to town, I noticed the condition of the walls. They were already fixed despite reports that Wolbach had come to blow it up earlier.

Furthermore, the quality of the fixed portion of the wall was a substantial upgrade from its previous state.

There was even some kind of mosaic art on the walls depicting a certain blue-haired goddess.

"Amazing…! These walls are a work of art! This mosaic of the goddess Aqua even rivals the famous stained-glass mosaic from the main Eris church in the royal capital!"

I heard a passerby, one of the leftover Eris order pilgrims who came here during the Eris festival, say this.

Aqua was proudly looking over her work. Our old construction buddies were behind her.

"Say, Aqua-san, why don't you consider a job as an architect? You sure do have a talent for it!"

One of them said, as he stared in awe at Aqua's work.

"Heh. I have much more important things to do…"

"Such as?"

I snuck up behind Aqua and asked her what these 'important things' were.

"Err… Nevermind that! Kazuma, as you can see, I am clearly the M.V.P. this time! Even though that Wolbach comes here to blow our walls up, I can quickly fix whatever damage is there within a day! You should have seen the look on her face when she saw that the walls were already fixed! Kusukuskusuku…!"

Aqua laughed in a much too sinister way. I'm not sure who the villain is in her story if she laughs like that.

"Hmm… I don't like how Aqua is so arrogant, but I guess I have to give you praise for doing your job."

I gave her a thumbs up.

"I like it when Kazuma praises me! See, isn't it better than insulting me every time?"

She batted her eyelashes in a cutesy manner.

"Well, if Aqua keeps being useful and not screwing things up all the time, maybe I won't insult you so much."

"...So rude."

Aqua sighed, as she rubbed her sweaty face. She was wearing a bandana but the temperature that day was scorching, and the explosion from earlier also caused a mini-heatwave to wash over the town.

The mages sent from the capital were also present. They were enchanting the newly fixed portion of the wall with defensive magic. I recognized Rain-san among them.

"Yo, Rain-san."

"..."

She was in deep concentration and didn't notice me.

"Freeze."

"Eeep! I'm being sexually harassed?! Oh, it's just Kazuma-san. I should have known…"

She jolted after I sent a cold breeze down her neck.

"I see that you're part of the mage corps, Rain-san."

"Un. We're doing our best assisting with the city's defenses."

"Thanks for your hard work."

She wearily smiled and said,

"Thank you, but I feel like there's more we can do. We attempted to stop Wolbach's Teleport with Planar Binding, but it's hard when we don't know where she'll attack."

Planar Binding is the spell Maouko's mages once used on the Crimson Demons to prevent them from warping around.

"Once we hit her with it, we can stop her escape. We'll rely on your services in the future, Rain-san."

"Un. Leave it to me."

She bowed in acknowledgement before returning to her work. What a diligent girl.

Aqua came over to join us. Rain's eyebrow twitched as we crowded around her, distracting her from her work.

"That cowardly Wolbach should just come and fight us fair and square! What's with her coming in to destroy the town's property and running away afterwards?! I wish kouhai's search team would find their camp already!"

"We went over this. They're using magic to hide their location. They might also be constantly changing their camp site, they don't stick in one place all the time, and not to mention that the woods around Axel is quite vast."

"Che! They're such cowards! I should just flood the whole area!"

"You and Megumin can only think about such destructive solutions. Furthermore, you're doing such a good job with the wall, why would you flood it down again?"

Aqua stiffened as she remembered that incident that caused us to go into great debt.

In fact, now that I think about it, why couldn't she have just fixed the wall back then?!

"Urk…! W-Well, I guess all we can do is patiently wait for kouhai to find the enemy camp! Haha…"

She was quick to leave and go back to her work, but as she already finished repairing the wall, all she did was continue to spend more time creating unnecessary art pieces.

"Ohhh! What wonderful art! I'm getting inspired just by looking at it!"

"Yosh! Let's work extra hard to protect this town!"

I thought it was unnecessary, but it seems like her art is raising the morale of our troops.

"I see that Aqua is only useful outside of actual battles."

"She's trying her best. Please don't insult her, Kazuma-san. And please leave me alone so I can focus."

The usually meek Rain suddenly developed a backbone and shooed me away.

 **Part 6**

That night.

"Kazuma, can I come in?"

Megumin visited my room.

"Hm? What's up?"

I got used to her coming to my room at night that I hardly make a fuss about it anymore.

Tonight, though, the mood seems a bit different.

She was wearing her pajamas and had Chomusuke, the ever present chaperone, in her arms. She sat on the edge of the bed. I sat up and stifled a yawn, as I was prepared to drift off to sleep before she came in.

"I want to talk about… you know who."

"You mean, Wolbach?"

She nodded.

"...Honestly, I only had a hunch that Chomusuke was an evil god. I only had the stories of my clan to rely on, after all, and who knew that the nee-san who saved me that time was actually…"

"So Megumin admits that she doesn't truly believe the nonsense her clan spreads, huh?"

"T-That's not true! On this one occasion, I was a bit doubtful, that's all!"

Megumin glared at me and Chomusuke seemed to mimic her master's expression.

"Nyaa!"

I held a hand up in acquiescence, not willing to have an argument.

"You know, Megumin doesn't have to force herself to fight Wolbach. I know that Wolbach is important to you."

She shook her head.

"This town is more important to me. I know I call her 'master' sometimes, but ultimately, that person is a stranger to me."

"Serena told me that Wolbach is under Maouko's mind control. It's not like she actually wants to attack the town…"

"Kazuma said so himself. She's under a suggestion, not complete mind domination. She's a Devil King general who rules over the aspect of Violence. I'm sure that she's more than willing to attack us if she'll benefit from it."

She stroked Chomusuke's fur.

"When it comes to it, I will have to deal with that person…"

I've never seen her like this before. It made me heart sink seeing the normally jubilant Megumin acting this way.

I made room on the bed, shifting over to one side and clearing the bed sheets for her.

"Megumin can spend the night here if you want."

"...Is Kazuma taking advantage of the situation?"

"No, that's not it! Am I that suspicious?"

She giggled. She looked away for a second, set Chomusuke down, and plopped down on the bed beside me.

"I sort of miss having Komekko around. I used to have her comfort me during times like this. I use her like a hug pillow."

"Megumin can do that with me."

I pointed to myself while grinning sheepishly.

"You're so sly, Kazuma. But I'll go with the mood."

Grinning mischievously, she tucked her arms around me.

I stayed still, enjoying the warmth and feeling of her body.

"I sort of want to have a chat with that person."

She said, as she pressed her face close to my chest. I could feel her hot breath tickling my neck.

"She seems pretty important to you."

"Hm… I don't know. It's weird. Like I said, she's practically a stranger to me. I guess I sort of feel an affinity with her?"

"Maybe you just like the whole 'evil goddess who rules over Sloth and Violence' part."

"I guess I do sort of admire her… Especially her big breasts."

"That's what it all comes down to in the end, huh?"

She shifted her body, scooting up to meet me at eye level. She leaned her head against my shoulder, using it as a pillow. She said,

"I admire her, but now she's my enemy…"

"I guess it's true what they say about meeting your heroes…"

"Yeah. I bet Kazuma has a lot of fans who'll be disappointed if they meet him in real life."

"Oi."

"That's alright. I'm the only fan Kazuma needs."

She said, while smiling sweetly. This made my heart race. She's just teasing me but I feel warm inside.

This is what it's like to have a cute girl who likes you. A former NEET like me can only feel grateful in times like this.

"I guess I should be happy. Megumin has good looks despite the questionable personality."

"Says the Kazuma who has no looks or personality."

"S-So mean! How could you say that to your lover?!"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? Are we lovers now?"

"Don't casually undo all of our progress!"

She chuckled after saying such dangerous words that scared me a little.

"Kazuma is quite insecure isn't he? It's fun to tease you sometimes."

This girl is quite the bully.

"Does Megumin actually intend to fight Wolbach? I don't think the town can handle an explosion duel between you two."

Eager to switch topics, I brought up Wolbach again.

"Sorry, but that can't be avoided. Only an explosion user can hurt another explosion user."

"You'll be hurting everyone else if you seriously think that way."

I didn't even want to imagine what would happen if the situation actually escalated to that point.

"At the very least, I want to show that person how far I've come with explosion magic. Do you think she knows about me?"

"I'd be surprised if she didn't. You're pretty famous in this country, well, more _in_ famous than anything."

"Fufu. I relish that kind of attention."

She flipped an imaginary cape behind her.

"S-Seriously, don't get carried away and start throwing explosion magic around! Promise me that, Megumin!"

"That's impossible. Now that we're talking about it, the prospect is starting to excite me…"

"What happened to the nervous, sweet girl I saw earlier? Please bring her back."

Not one to sulk for long, Megumin was back to her usual self.

"Hehe. Thanks, Kazuma. I feel better now."

She snuggled up against me even tighter.

T-This is getting dangerous…!

"Eh…? Kazuma, what's that?"

"Urk…!"

She started squirming, moving her thighs around.

"...Kazuma, what's this? Hm?"

She coyly looked up at me while grinning smugly.

When did this girl get so dangerously naughty?!

"Er… This is just a natural reaction from being in close proximity with a person of the opposite sex. That is, please just ignore it."

"But if I ignore it, won't Kazuma suffer?"

She kept squirming around, completely ignoring my plight. Just when I thought I was seeing a delicate and vulnerable side of Megumin, she's messing with me as usual… No, she's really intent on bullying me tonight!

"D-Don't mess with this poor cherry boy's heart! What did this cherry boy even do to warrant this kind of torture?!"

"Fine, I get it. I don't want to be cruel to Kazuma. So… Do you want me to give you a hand?"

An unbelievable proposition was just offered to me.

"...Come again?"

"But you haven't come yet?"

"Not what I meant! W-Why would you just randomly bring that up now?! I-I need time to mentally prepare!"

Her smug grin shifted into a gentle one as she looked at me warmly.

"Hmm… Well, I guess it's pretty abrupt to just randomly bring this up now."

"Y-Yeah, just a bit."

Before, I was certain that I'd jump at the opportunity if I was lucky enough to have a cute girl like Megumin offer this to me. But now that it's happening, I find myself panicking rather than being excited about the idea.

Maybe it's because I care so much about Megumin that I don't want to screw anything up by rushing, or doing anything intimate based on a sudden impulse.

Megumin also doesn't seem emotionally stable tonight. She seems vulnerable and scared about the Wolbach situation. Didn't she just say as much? In light of this, please calm down, my son!

Or it could be that Darkness is right, that I'm the type who's all talk but pulls out at the very last minute.

I hate how I'm indecisive at times like this, but it's better to wait now than do something we'd both later regret.

As I was mulling over this matter, Megumin proposed an alternative,

"How about this? If Kazuma finds a way so that I won't have to fight that person… If Kazuma can find an ending where everyone is happy, then I'll reward him with something like this. Does that sound good?"

I was snapped out of my panicked state as Megumin is looking at me seriously again. Her eyes are intently gazing into mine.

I scratched my head, not really sure how to respond.

"Don't get your hopes up… But I guess I can try."

"Good. I'm counting on you, Kazuma. Now let's go to sleep shall we?"

As if on command, Megumin went right to sleep, even snoring and drooling.

Maybe I should have just taken her up on her offer.

 **Part 7**

The next morning.

I headed to the walls, where Rain and the mage corps have already gathered. They were waiting for Wolbach to show up.

"Hm? Why is Kazuma-san here?"

Rain asked, when I joined her and the other mages.

"I'm the expert when it comes to explosion magic wielding troublemakers. You guys can use my help. By the way, can you teach me Planar Binding?"

"Eh? Can Kazuma-san even learn such a spell? It costs a lot of Skill Points for those who don't have a mage class…"

"It's fine, it's fine. Just teach me already."

As if I'm worried about the cost of Skill Points these days.

After having Rain teach and demonstrate the skill to me, I practiced the spell on one of the mages.

Just before he could use the Teleport spell…

"Planar Binding!"

"...!"

Golden, immaterial chains extended from the ground and wrapped his ankles. He could still move around as the chains weren't a physical construct, but his attempt to cast Teleport failed.

"Eh… The result is a bit weak since Kazuma-san isn't a mage, but I'm surprised you can use it. That's the Adventurer class for you."

Rain was surprised to see me pull the skill off.

"I used to hate my class, but when you think about it, isn't the Adventurer class great? If you're smart, you can easily exploit it and learn all sorts of skills."

I couldn't help but brag about my class.

"Every class and role has its place in the party dynamic. Sure, having an all-rounder with lots of skills is an overlooked necessity, but there's also a place for specialists. The success of Kazuma-san's party is a testament to that. In some ways, I think that Kazuma-san's party combination is a perfect match."

Rain complimented our party even though I distinctly remember our early struggles.

I guess we're the type of late-bloomers who excel in the late-game but will have to first undergo a disastrous early-game.

Thinking back on those hard times, though, I can only smile fondly.

"...! Rain-san! Our mages from the east wall have detected…!"

As a mage reported this to us, we heard Wolbach's explosion in the distance. When we looked in the direction of the thunderous noise, we saw the crumbling collapse of the eastern wall.

The sound of heavy stone crashing to the ground alerted the townsfolk around us. They made a quick retreat, abandoning their businesses and running to the newly built evacuation centers.

"Mage corps, let's go!"

Rain and the others teleported to the eastern wall.

I used Teleport as well. I've marked certain strategic points around the town as Teleport designations just for moments like this.

When I appeared amid the other mages, Rain looked at me in surprise.

"Eh? Kazuma-san can use Teleport now, too?! You didn't use a scroll, right?"

I appreciate Rain-san's admiring gaze right now, but there's someone else she should focus on.

Through the decimated part of the wall, I saw Wolbach up close.

A beautiful red haired, busty onee-san type. If it weren't for the horns on her head that gave her an evil appearance, I'd say she was a flawlessly beautiful woman.

...Megumin is right. She has big boobs.

"Oh? You guys are quick to respond today. Well, then, I'll just Tele…"

"Wait a second, Wolbach-san. Mind if we have a chat?"

I stepped up in front of the others and said this. Rain-san looked at me incredulously.

"Kazuma-san?! I know that Kazuma-san is the type to go after beautiful women, but please don't hinder us from capturing her!"

I really want to correct Rain-san's image of me.

The evil god known as Wolbach stopped mid-cast and looked at me curiously.

"She called you Kazuma. You must be the famous Satou Kazuma …Eh? Haven't we met before?"

She pointed at my face, clearly recalling something. From the expression on her face, though, even if we've met before, she didn't seem to have a very good impression of me.

Seriously, what's with that look of disgust? Why must every woman I meet react to me in this way?

There comes a point when the reputation overshadows the individual. This is what I want to say to the woman who's looking at me as if I'm scum right now.

But come to think of it, I _do_ recognize this woman.

Ah, that's right. I once bathed with a red haired onee-san in Alcarentia in one of the hot springs.

"Oh, it's you. Sorry, I didn't recognize you with clothes on."

"T-To think the Devil King army is having such a hard time with is this perverted person… It kind of takes the wind out of my sails."

Her shoulders deflated even though she was in a tense battle stance earlier.

The last time I saw this nee-san in the bath, she was talking to Hans, another Devil King general.

I should have suspected her since then, but it's not like I could track her down after all that commotion.

"I guess you could call this fate. Even so, as former bath-mates, I can't find it in myself to fight you. Just let me take my leave now and no harm will come to you or the cute little mages behind you."

"C-Cute…?"

Rain was shocked as Wolbach looked at her and the mage corps with bored eyes.

To a powerful mage like Wolbach, even mages sent from the royal capital weren't a threat to her.

Wolbach is acting confident, but she just used explosion magic. Even with her large reserves, she can only cast one other significant spell afterwards. Normally, this would mean that she'll use Teleport to escape, but we've already surrounded her.

"I doubted you at the start, Kazuma-san, but good job distracting the enemy! Now that we've surrounded her, there's no way she can escape!"

"Oi, don't raise any flags!"

I yelled at Rain-san who was getting ahead of herself.

"Sigh… I warned you. Oi, guys, cover my escape!"

There was a rustling of leaves from the woods behind Wolbach. From the shadows of those woods, a large contingent of demons appeared.

"Protect Wolbach-sama!"

The demons rushed out of their hiding places. With great speed, they soon reached us.

"Eiiieee?!"

Not used to fighting in direct combat, the mages who fight in the backline weren't prepared to meet the stampede of Demons, and were now in disarray.

Using the confusion, Wolbach started to retreat.

"Planar Binding!"

Before she could cast Teleport, I used my newly learned spell.

"Oh? You actually hit me."

She maintained her composure even after I stopped her retreat.

However, before I could pursue her, the Demons have already finished surrounding us.

Our own reinforcements were also arriving, but at this rate, Wolbach will escape again.

"Rain-san, you and the mage corps, please cover me!"

I said, as I chased the retreating Wolbach.

The Demons tried to stop me, but Rain-san and the others gave me cover fire.

"Y-You're awfully persistent! Ne, since we have some history together, can't you let me go?"

Wolbach looked behind her as she ran away, an awkward smile on her face.

"For a supposed evil god, you sure say some naive things to your enemy. Bind!"

She was restricted from teleportation magic, but she was still free to physically move around. I threw the mithril rope at her. It spun in the air, but she dove to the side and tumbled before the rope can latch on. What amazing reflexes!

"Puh! Puh! First Planar Binding and now Bind? A-Are you into bondage? Um, please stop harassing me already!"

She said as she coughed up some dirt she accidentally swallowed and got up on her feet to start running again.

Eh… How can I say this? She doesn't really seem like a villain type of character at all.

While Maouko is the type with a 'kekekeke!' laugh, she struck me as the gentle nee-san type to go all 'ehehehe'.

Even Aqua's 'kususususu' laugh is much more sinister and villainous.

I don't really want to fight her. How can I put this… She doesn't seem like all that bad of a person.

I put aside these thoughts as I pulled out my spare wire rope.

"How much rope do you have?! Second unit, cover my escape!"

As we reached the entrance to the woods, Wolbach called out for more reinforcements.

A second contingent emerged from the woods and met my advance.

"Let's get him! There's only one human, surround him!"

Even the enemy side is raising these obvious flags.

I took out my bow and notched three arrows at once.

"Quick-Draw! Volley!"

"Gack…!"

I combined these Archer skills to take out three Demons at once.

I ran through the opening in the middle, but there was a big, ogre-type Demon waiting at the backline.

"I'll smash you into a paste, human!"

The ogre-type demon lifted a spiked metal club above his head and swung it down at me.

"H-Hah?!"

My body automatically spun away from the blow due to the Auto-Dodge passive skill.

"C-Come back here! My name is Joog, a high-ranking Demon in Wolbach-sama's personal army! I won't let you get away!"

This persistent guy kept chasing me.

While running, I muttered an incantation.

"Lightning!"

"Gacckk!"

A bolt of lightning struck struck the pursuing Demon. There were burns all over his red skin, but he didn't stop running.

"Escape! Escape!"

I used the Escape skill to gain speed, but this guy is fast…!

I looked ahead and saw that Wolbach was quickly gaining on me. I'll lose sight of her in these woods at this rate, but I can't ignore the Demon chasing me. The reinforcements were busy fighting the first wave of Demons and won't reach me in time.

"You're such a pain in the ass! Chasmic Mud Trap!"

The earth underneath the Demon softened, becoming a knee deep pit for his massive body.

"The mighty Joog won't be stopped by weak Intermediate Magic!"

With a show of brute force, this guy struck his club at the ground and used it as leverage to pull himself upwards. He already got one leg out of the trap.

"Wind Blade!"

I drew my katana and slashed it in a horizontal arc, unleashing a wave of razor wind. It made a deep gash on the Demon's armor but inflicted minimal injuries.

I used a lot of spells and was quickly running out of mana, but this guy was still alive and well. I took out a manatite crystal and recovered my reserves.

I took out my last wire rope. I wanted to save this for Wolbach, but I'll lose her if I spend any more time with this minion of hers.

"Bind!"

"Hah?! Oof…!"

The powerful and reliable Bind skill did its work. Even after the Demon got both legs out of the mud, he fell on his face as the wire rope restrained his limbs.

"Please go ahead, Kazuma-san! We'll take care of these guys!"

I looked behind and saw Rain-san and the reinforcements had caught up and were taking care of the second wave of demons. I nodded and chased after the fleeting figure of Wolbach.

"Speed-up! Speed-up! Speed-up!"

I casted more movement enhancing buffs on myself. Aqua forbade me from learning Priest skills, but they were too useful to pass up.

"Y-You really are persistent, huh?! And it looks like you even got past Joog. If only I still had Hoost around… N-Ne, as former bath-mates, you'll let me go, right?!"

She keeps bringing up the bath-mates thing as if it means anything. She must really love baths.

She was stumbling along the foliage and tree roots along the way, but with my Acrobatic Talent and Fleet Foot passive skills, I was able to zip through the terrain.

"E-Eh? There's two of you?!"

However, when I was finally close enough to see her retreating figure clearly, I saw that there were two copies of her now.

Did she use some kind of illusion spell? Or maybe one of her minions has a disguise skill…?

As I was startled by the two Wolbachs, my Enemy Detection went off. More Demons emerged from the woods, setting themselves as roadblocks for Wolbach and her copy.

"Kazuma-kun…! We'll help!"

Chris and the scout team, who were probably in the middle of a patrol, arrived to help me deal with the demons, but by then Wolbach had already safely retreated.

…

...

 **Interlude**

"Hah… Hah, nice assist, Ragcraft. I thought he had me there for sure."

I collapsed in exhaustion as we finally made it to one of our hidden camp locations.

Ragcraft changed back to his normal form, dismissing his disguise of me.

"That was close, Wolbach-sama. It seems like our hit-and-run tactics won't work anymore now that they know to expect it. But at least we have an idea of our enemy's fighting strength now."

"Un… This would have been much easier if it weren't for the speed of their wall repair team. Honestly, how do they manage to fix the walls that fast?!"

They even have time to construct a mosaic on it. Who would have guessed that a bunch of construction workers would be the main reason why we can't invade this town. What I don't understand is why they chose to make a goddess Aqua mosaic just right after they held the Eris festival. Isn't that a bit sacrilegious? I'd cry if I was the goddess Eris right now.

I wiped away the sweat from my forehead as Ragcraft boiled some tea for us. Hot tea sounds nice, but I could really use a bath. Actually, hot tea and a bath sounds perfect right now.

I started to think about my encounter with the one known as Satou Kazuma.

To think that boy I met in the bath, who stared at me so lecherously, would end up being the number one enemy of the Devil King army…

Does that mean he's the one who killed Hans?

"What do you think Maouko-sama will have us do next?"

Ragcraft asked, as he handed me a cup of tea. I happily accepted it and took a sip, feeling my body relax.

"I think we'll use _that_ now."

"A full attack, finally? For some reason, Maouko-sama has been strangely cautious even though we could have just used _that_ at the start. Does she fear the heroes to such an extent?"

"Don't let her hear that. And I guess I don't really blame her since both her and her father lost to them before…"

After facing the leader of the famous party, I can get why she's cautious of them. He's smart and resourceful and seems to have an endless arsenal of skills and spells.

Ragcraft wanted to do a sweep of the area to make sure we weren't followed. I soaked a towel in hot water and wiped the sweat off my body. It wasn't a proper bath but I had to make do for now until we can return to the main camp. In the meantime, I thought about my encounter with one of those famous heroes. In particular...

"...I still haven't met her."

I was curious about the heroes who slayed my former boss, the previous Devil King, but I was most curious about the explosion user among them. Apparently, she is a powerful Crimson Demon mage who specializes in explosion magic.

There's a high chance that this same person is that certain girl from before.

I've always wondered what happened to that child. It's a shame that we'd have to meet again in such circumstances, but there's nothing I can do about that now.

Of course, I'm also here to retrieve my partner, my other half.

If Maouko's intel is right, and it usually is, then that same girl has custody of my other half.

What a coincidence that it'd turn out this way. Hey, what's the point of saving you from my other half if you're just going to release it and tame it to be some kind of household pet? I want to say this to that child right now.

That's fine. I can retrieve my other half while satisfying my curiosity about that girl.

Between my explosion and hers, I wonder which one will win?

Ah, that's not good. My Violence aspect is taking over again.

My whole existence is quite a contradiction, if I do say so myself. An evil goddess who rules over both Sloth and Violence. Most of the time, these two cancel each other out, to tell the truth. I'm more content to relax in a hot spring bath than seek out violence. Really, I may be an evil goddess, but I consider myself to be quite mild-mannered. My opponents are prone to saying 'Are you really a Devil King general?'

Perhaps I've retained more of my Sloth aspect, while my other half retained more of the Violence aspect. This is a pet theory of mine. My other half was about to go on a rampage before I went ahead and sealed it again, which proves that it certainly has a 'violent' side.

Resealing my other half… I'm always doing unnecessary things like that. For an evil goddess, I sure do have a soft side.

And now, that young girl I saved, has become quite a formidable enemy. What a complicated situation.

Maybe I should just forfeit my right to rule over the Violence aspect. Sloth is more my cup of tea. I like hot spring baths more than blood baths. If someone is out there who wants to take this bothersome aspect from me, please go right ahead.

When Ragcraft came back from his surveillance sweep, we moved to the main camp location, taking care to cover our tracks. The patrols have been discovering our minor camps, but they haven't discovered any of our main bases yet. This might change if we stall too long.

When we arrived in the camp, we saw that there were more Demons gathered. As we predicted, Maouko is amassing the forces for a frontal attack.

"Oh? Isn't that…?"

I pointed to a masked gentleman wearing an overcoat, who is now talking to Maouko.

"Yeah. I heard from some gossip that he's here to arrest one of the heroes, the one Wolbach-sama just fought. That man broke one of Hell's laws, apparently."

"...Seriously? What kind of hero is he to do such a thing?"

Why was he involved with Hell in the first place? Did he visit there or something?!

I thought he was already quite impressive, but is it possible that we're dealing with someone ridiculous?

"Hey, if Aesir, one of the Arch-Dukes of Hell, who has the title of 'Hound Dog of Hell' is here, then why can't we just leave it to him to deal with the heroes?"

As we were drawing near the Arch-Duke Aesir and Maouko, Ragcraft lowered his voice to a whisper in fear of being caught gossiping. He said,

"You know the rumors about how uptight he is when it comes to the laws of Hell. That's why they call him the 'Hound Dog of Hell', because he voluntarily hunts down the sinners who have broken the laws of Hell. He's only here to arrest Satou Kazuma. He won't help us with anything else or step outside of his jurisdiction."

"Ehh… That's a shame."

It would be convenient if we could just leave most of the fighting to him.

"Fear not. It looks like Maouko-sama has gathered quite a fighting force. Looks like her plan worked."

Ragcraft said, as unfamiliar demons were seen in the campsite. More and more of them are coming through the portals from Hell.

"Well, if you throw enough money at them, the mercenaries will come."

"Fufu. That's true."

I can't really judge these Demons who came to the mortal realm looking for some easy money, as I'm only here for my own self-interests.

I had one of the minions draw up some hot water to fill up the bathtub in my tent.

I skipped on the strategy meetings since I didn't care for them at all and headed to my tent once the bath was ready.

"Ah, this is niiiice…"

I soaked in the bath water and set aside all thoughts about the upcoming war.

…

…

 **A/N: I'll keep trying to get these chapters out as fast as I can, but I'm taking a break tomorrow because I don't want to burn out. I spent practically the whole day today editing this chapter, only stopping for meals and the essential post-lunch, mid-day nap that is necessary if one aims to maintain this kind of consistent, non-stop production. As such, please enjoy the fruits of my labor, and thanks for your continued support.**

 **-BoringBone**


	38. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36: Gifting this Ghost Loli with Adult Experiences!**

 **Proofreader: LordVTP**

* * *

 **Part 1**

"Geez, Kazuma, you almost had her! You had one job! I'm working hard every day to fortify the town's defenses, and you can't even do this one simple task?! And you too, kouhai! This isn't a game, you know? Stop roleplaying as a thief and take your job seriously for once!"

"I-I'm not roleplaying! I'm actually a thief! Mou…"

As Chris and I returned to town, Aqua started lecturing us for no reason.

"Hai, hai. Good job, Aqua. You're truly the savior of this town. Here, why don't you take the construction crew with you to the bar?"

I handed her a pouch full of coins. She quickly snatched it, her eyes glowing bright blue.

"Alright, boys! Let's hit the bar! It's on me!"

"Ohhh! That's Aqua for ya!"

I watched as Aqua and the others headed straight to the bar. Beside me, Chris sighed and looked at me accusingly.

"You did that just to get rid of senpai…"

"She was annoying me. It's better than resorting to physical violence."

"Is that what you normally do to her?! Um… It may not seem like it, but senpai is still a goddess and a girl. Please treat her with courtesy…"

Rain-san and the others took on the task of capturing the prisoners from the skirmish. Among the prisoners was the ogre-type demon I fought, Joog.

According to the high-level adventurers from the capital, Joog is apparently a pretty famous demon warrior under the employ of Wolbach. A formidable opponent, in fact, he was just a rank below one of Wolbach's top warriors named Hoost.

Hoost…? Come to think of it, didn't Aqua and I encounter a demon named Hoost that one time?

"It looks like the Demon King army has started engaging us in skirmishes. They might make a full-assault soon. Um, just in case, please remember that you still have that wish, Kazuma-kun."

"Wish? Oh, yeah, that."

"Eh?! Don't tell me… Kazuma-kun forgot?!"

Chris is so easy to rile up. It's not that she's gullible, she's just easy to tease.

"No, I haven't. If things get really bad, I'll use it. I don't want to make a careless wish like 'make Maouko and her army go away'. What if there's a stronger enemy that shows up in the future after I ended up wasting a wish on Maouko? We'll just have to try our best in this fight without thinking about the wish."

"That makes sense, I guess…"

After having a chat with me, Chris wanted to scout the area a bit more in the hopes of catching some stragglers.

"Hopefully, I can trail some of them back to their camp. Kazuma-kun looks exhausted. You can just go back home!"

Chris said, giving me a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. She headed off to join her scouting team. What a hard worker.

It was about time for an early dinner and all the fighting and running gave me an appetite. I followed Chris's advice and headed home.

When I arrived, I saw that we had a visitor. Fuwarin-san was in the living room with Megumin. They were looking through some papers. There's a tense, awkward mood between them.

"Hm? What's going on here? Some kind of weird Crimson Demon ritual? Let me play, too."

I said, while looking at their intent, focused faces and the papers spread out all over the table. Were they using talismans in an attempt to summon some evil entity?

Megumin scoffed at my teasing words. She hurriedly gathered the papers and gave them to Fuwarin-san.

"I was just discussing… family matters with Fuwarin o-oba-san here."

Oba-san? Come to think of it, Fuwarin-san mentioned something about visiting her great great great granddaughter, or something. Could she be talking about Megumin?!

Fuwarin-san smiled as she gathered the papers. She also had some leather-bound books by her side.

"Un, I found out about it after visiting Megumin-chan's home. Isn't this a happy coincidence? To think I have some descendants… Well, it's from my sister's side, but still. I'm very happy."

"Fuwarin oba-san…"

Fuwarin-san had a content smile on her face as she caressed Megumin's hair. Seeming very touched and moved by the gesture, Megumin looked at her recently discovered oba-san with teary eyes.

"Well, technically, isn't Fuwarin-san your great, great, great aunt? So instead of calling her…"

"Shut it. Go to the kitchen and play with Darkness."

I got kicked out.

I went over to the kitchen and saw Darkness peering through the curtain divider. She had a pot of tea in her hand. She probably went to the kitchen to brew some tea for the visitor but sensed the heavy mood as she was about to return, and now she's stuck like this.

I quietly took some tea cups and gestured for Darkness to pour me some tea. She seemed relieved to pour the tea she probably worked hard to brew. As expected of Darkness, the tea is good, even though the food she makes is pretty bland and commonplace.

"I want to relax in the living room, but it's hard to walk out there and join them…"

Darkness said, as she sipped her tea. We were sitting on stools around the kitchen counter and enjoying snacks with our tea.

"Darkness can relax just fine over here."

"That's true, but the console is in the living room. It's been a while since I played with Slime-kun. I also need to level up my character."

There were still interested in that slow grind of an RPG, and it seems like the ace of the party is still the slime mob they caught.

"We can play this game instead while those two talk things over."

I said, while taking out the board for that weird chess game the girls used to play before I got them the video game console from heaven.

"I thought that Kazuma doesn't really like this game?"

Darkness said, as I started taking out the pieces and setting up the board.

"Only because there's weird rules like how a player is allowed to flip the table over if they have an Arch-Wizard piece use explosion."

"That rule is only limited to one use a day."

"Still, it's stupid! And why is the loser the one who needs to pick up the fallen pieces even though the 'winner' is the one who ended the game by flipping the table over?! And why is flipping the table even necessary?! I bet Megumin just added this rule on a whim, right?! This isn't part of the official rulebook, right?!"

"Err… This game doesn't have an official set of rules. There only needs to be an agreement with the players involved and most of the rules are homebrewed..."

"Alright, then let's both agree to this rule. No explosion magic allowed! Explosion magic is banned!"

Darkness nodded in understanding as she sat down across from me and collected her pieces.

"That's fine with me. I favor the Crusader pieces and don't rely much on the Arch-Wizard pieces, so this rule suits me just fine, but please don't let Megumin hear you say that, or a flipped table isn't the only thing we'll have to worry about…"

While we were playing, I noticed that Darkness was paying attention to my every move. She even started asking questions.

"Kazuma, please tell me how you managed to capture my Crusader?"

She asked, while looking inquisitively at the formation of my pieces.

"I used the opening in my defense to lure Darkness in. I might have lost a lot of pieces on the way, but I can always resurrect them with the Arch-Priest later. But now that your pieces have advanced all the way to my territory, your Arch-Priests can't revive them even if they die. You overextended yourself. Your forces are thinned out and you lost your frontline. I can just use my long ranged pieces to snipe from afar and… I won."

"I hate to admit it, but Kazuma is better than me at strategy. How did you get this good?"

"Back in my homeland, they used to call me 'Kazuma-san who forces patch updates'. Let's just leave it at that."

I said, while I reminisced about my days as a ranker.

"Kazuma's eyes tell me that he's remembering the battles he fought long ago… Kazuma has quite the mysterious past, now that I think about it. I wish you'd tell us more about your past and your homeland."

I still haven't told Megumin and Darkness about how I wasn't a native of this world.

It's not like I wanted to keep it a secret, but I couldn't find the right time to tell them.

"I have much to learn. In the upcoming battle, it seems I will be relied on to lead part of the troops. I hope to learn from Kazuma."

I didn't think I was doing anything all that special, but Darkness looks like she's relying on me.

"Well, let's keep playing I guess. Ask me as many questions as you want."

We kept playing long after Megumin and Fuwarin-san finished their talk.

 **Part 2**

Darkness and I played late into the night. After taking a quick bath, I went to bed and laid my tired body down. However, before I passed out, I wanted to take care of my nightly ritual.

"Let's see… What should I use as the scenario today? Megumin bent over the living room table while Fuwarin-san is watching sounds nice. A bit of family play? Yeah, I'll use that tonight."

But before I could start my important night ritual…

I noticed that a blonde loli is floating above my bed, watching over me.

"..."

What is it? A ghost?

Why am I able to see it, then?

Ah, that's right. I learned the Spectral Vision skill because I wanted to perceive the Phantoms in my dungeon.

This was a previously haunted mansion, and Aqua often hinted that there was at least one ghost remaining.

...Even so, why is she just staring at me like that?

And her eyes are looking at a _very_ specific area of my body.

"Um… Ghost-san? Can I ask what you're doing here?"

The blonde loli ghost tilted her head as I started speaking to her.

"Eh? You can see me?"

I nodded my head. She pouted after I covered myself from her gaze.

"I'm just partaking in my nightly ritual. Please don't mind me."

"As if!"

I threw a pillow at this suspicious ghost, but it went through her immaterial body. She pouted again at my reaction, crossing her arms together.

"That's not very nice, Kazuma-san. I thought you were a nice guy since you clean my grave every so often, but you're quite rude!"

Cleaning her grave? Could that mean…

"Then… Er… What did Aqua say your name was?"

I struggled to recall. The grave I was taking care of was unmarked and didn't provide any clues about this ghost loli's identity. The only thing I know about this ghost loli is that she has quite the adult taste and sometimes drinks Aqua's rare liquor collection.

"To not even know my name… I thought we had something special, Kazuma-san. My name is Anna Filante Esteroid. I used to live in this place before Kazuma-san and his comrades moved in. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

She bowed in a curtsy. While her form is clear and defined in my eyes thanks to Spectral Vision, her clothes had a faint, ethereal quality to them. They seemed almost gaseous.

"Nice to meet you. Err… I hope you don't take it the wrong way, but the way you're floating is a bit unnerving. Do you want to take a seat?"

I made room for her on the bed and patted the spot. She smiled and floated down, sitting beside me. Since she didn't have a physical body, her rear end slipped into the mattress. Somehow, this is even more unnerving than having her floating around.

"Oops. I guess I still need to float a little."

She floated up from the mattress, letting her body hover an inch above the sheets.

"So… Um… Anna-chan, what were you doing back there?"

I didn't really want to know the answer, but I figured it was better to know what this ghost loli has been doing all this time, while she had been invisible to me.

"Like I said, I was merely partaking in my nighttime ritual."

"And what is this nighttime ritual of yours?"

"To watch Kazuma-san ma****bate."

"Ehhh?!"

It's worse than I imagined!

"Um… A-Anna-chan? Why on earth would you do that? I heard that you have 'adult tastes' but isn't that a bit too much?!"

She shrugged, not even seeming the least bit regretful about her peeping tom habits.

"Isn't it quite obvious? I'm a ghost with nothing else better to do. I have to find some way to entertain myself. I have the mind of an adult even if I appear like this. Of course I'm curious about such things, and I don't even have a body to satisfy my curiosities…"

She hung her head and showed a sad smile. I didn't think about it before, but ghosts sure have it tough.

"And so, in order to satisfy my curiosity, I visited the lone male in this household and sure enough, I was not disappointed. Night after night, without fail, Kazuma-san provides a show for me. Using his hand or grinding against a pillow, I was impressed by your vigorous energy, doing such movements late into the night. Sure, the crusader lady in the next room surpasses Kazuma-san in the amount of time spent doing such activities, as she indulges in her own body several hours after Kazuma-san has finished with his routine, but I will not be satisfied by watching the wriggling, spasmic, worm-like movements of a woman. No, no, no. It must be a man, after all. The stroking, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down movement is mesmerizing, the low, baritone grunting that follows after release… Ah, the release. Rather than the measly squirt of a woman, a man's release is more striking and evident. Although Kazuma-san has little to work with, he sure can release a lot and can shoot it at quite a distance. Even when I'm hovering above you, the ej*****te can reach all the way up and go through my ghostly body, then fall back down again. Truly impressive. All this time, I wanted to help Kazuma-san who was struggling all by himself, but sadly, even if I attempt to touch you or use my mouth, I will only go through you. Sometimes I still do it for the sake of doing it, but alas, it's not the same without a real body. What a shame."

After that long, very revealing, rant, Anna-chan finally decided to stop. There was a lot for me to take in. A ghost loli has been watching me this whole time while floating above me, watching me go at it, and sometimes she even tries to 'help' me?

"Eh? Why is Kazuma-san shrinking into himself and covering himself up?"

"...I feel violated. I'll tell! I'll surely tell someone about your crimes!"

"Ehh?! E-Even if you tell someone, they won't believe you! Hey, don't cause a fuss about this! The law doesn't apply to dead people, anyway! Even if I do this and that to you, the law won't have any problems with it! Just let it happen! Don't be such a prude!"

"Noooo! Stop toouuuchiiing meee!"

Even if I don't feel anything when she touches me, the image still looks pretty convincing!

Just like this, I was tormented all night by this ghost loli who is haunting my home.

 **Part 3**

The next morning, after a sleepless night, the girls looked at me who had dark rings under my eyes.

"Ne, Kazuma, you seem even more haggard than usual."

Aqua said, as she watched me gulp down my third mug of coffee. I don't usually drink this stuff, but I won't be able to get through my tasks for today if I don't do this.

"Kazuma is trying very hard these days. Don't tease him too much, Aqua."

"I'm also trying very hard, but I always get my beauty rest."

I'm jealous of this girl's stress-free life.

The only reason why I'm sleep-deprived, the ghost loli who harassed me all night, is now hovering behind me.

"As always, the food looks so good. I'm jealous~!"

She looked over at the breakfast spread and drooled. I didn't respond, not wanting to appear as if I'm talking to myself.

"Kazuma, I'm heading to the dungeon again today. I want you to see my progress!"

Darkness said, while practicing sword movements by swinging her empty hands around in the air. Her form still looked sloppy to me.

"Fine. I'm planning to head down there anyway to see how everyone is doing. What is Aqua and Megumin gonna do today?"

"I'm going to work hard maintaining the town's defenses, of course! Praise me, praise me!"

"There's a chance that person will show up again. I'll be waiting for her to come and then challenge her to an explosion duel!"

"Megumin, whatever you do, please don't do something that dangerous near the town…"

Darkness implored of Megumin, who has a faraway, dreamy look in her eyes.

That talk with Fuwarin-san seemed to have lifted her spirits. She's been kind of down ever since she learned about Wolbach.

An ending where everyone is happy, huh?

If possible, I don't want to see those two fighting, but the only one who can match Wolbach's firepower is Megumin.

Still, if there's some way...

Aqua and Megumin went off to do their own thing, while Darkness and I prepared to leave for the dungeon. Once Darkness put on her battle gear, we went out.

"..."

For some reason, a certain ghost loli is following us.

I leaned over and whispered to her,

"...Oi. I thought you were bound to that house? How are you able to stalk… I mean, follow me out like this?"

I still didn't know what to do with Anna-chan. I considered asking Aqua to exorcise her, and that option is starting to become more and more appealing when she's doing creepy things like stalking me wherever I go.

"Ghosts are bound to places, people or objects they feel attachment to. I guess I feel more attached to Kazuma-san than that place~!"

She winked at me.

"Hm? Kazuma, did you say something?"

"N-Nothing."

I'll just have Aqua exorcise this stalker later.

…

…

The dungeon is lively again today.

Along with the same people from yesterday, there is a newcomer.

"Oh, Kazuma-san! How are you today? I must say, opening this dungeon was a splendid idea! Rather than going all the way to Blazing Core dungeon, I can gather materials here!"

Wiz said, while carrying a large bag full of monster drops and loot over her shoulder.

"Wiz… This dungeon is for low-level adventurers who want to gain levels for the upcoming fight. Wiz doesn't really need to gain levels, so…"

"B-B-But! If I don't gather enough materials to sell, the landlord will…!"

I don't have the heart to kick the pleading Wiz out. I left it at that.

"If Wiz is here, then who's taking care of the store? Vanir should be playing around in the boss room right now."

"Ah, I have Serena-san taking over today. She's been a great help!"

They might has well hire her permanently at this point.

Rather than have Wiz hogging all of the monsters from the newbies, I had Darkness pair up with her. With Wiz's ice magic that excels in crowd control, Darkness should have an easier time training if they work together.

In exchange, I promised to cover this month's rent. Wiz immediately accepted the offer.

"Please take care of me, Wiz-san."

"Let's work hard together to get some rare monster drops, Darkness-san!"

Their priorities weren't completely aligned, but it should work fine. I hope.

"Oh, by the way, there's this ghost child that's been hovering around Kazuma-san all this time. Is she one of the Phantoms Kazuma-san acquired for the dungeon? There were a whole bunch of them in the floor below Vanir-san's boss room…"

I forgot that Wiz is a Lich, the undead king!

Surely, she can see other undead beings, even ghosts.

"Ah, yeah! Something like that! Oh, look! It's a rare rainbow horned frog! I heard its rainbow horn sells for quite a high price!"

"Where?! Where is it?! If I get its horn, I can cover the store's rent for the next three years!"

"Wiz-san! Wait up!"

I snuck away as those two ran off.

"Uwaa… Kazuma-san is quite mean, sending those two off like that. So that's the Wiz-san that Kazuma-san sometimes mentions during his nightly ritual. It's nice to finally put a face to the name. I guess she really does have 'big, beautiful breasts', like Kazuma moaned to himself that one time."

"..."

I just ignored Anna-chan's recounting of my private matters.

 **Part 4**

"Ara? Hero-kun came to visit me again?"

After I finished checking up on the trainees, I headed over to the golem factory.

"Fuwarin-san has been busy…"

I said, while looking at the golems that were now filling the area.

"Yep! I was really inspired after finally talking to Megumin-chan!"

"How did that go, by the way?"

"It was great! It was a bit awkward at first, but we had a really fun talk! We even talked a lot about you, hehe. Who would have thought I'd be having that kind of girls talk with my great, great, great granddaughter… Wow, I'm totally a granny now, huh? Even though I'm not even in my twenties yet…"

She hung her head, looking depressed.

"C-Cheer up! It's still not too late for Fuwarin-san! Ah, Fuwarin-san did really good work on these golems! Such fine craftsmanship…"

I tried to distract her from her own gloomy thoughts by changing the subject.

"Ah, yes. I designed them just like Hero-kun asked."

"Very impressive. Oh, it looks like Fuwarin-san even finished that other task, too."

I said, while watching a group of golems carry heaps of crystals into the room.

"Yes, I'm quite diligent with my work! Please feel free to look around. I'm gonna take a break."

My efforts to cheer her up had no effect. She slumped her shoulders and shuffled her feet to the break area.

In the meantime, I browsed through the golems. I wasn't paying lip service when I said that the golems were finely made.

"These golems are quite the work of art."

Even my ghost stalker agrees. She held a hand out to touch one of them. I don't know why she feels the need to touch things when she already knows what the end result will be.

"Hm? Something's strange."

However, this time, as her hands sunk in, she tilted her head in confusion.

"What's wrong, Anna-chan?"

"My hand is sinking in, but it feels heavier than usual… Like I'm pushing my hand through sand. If it's like this… Eii!"

"Ehh?!"

Anna dove right into the golem. Her whole body was absorbed by the golem.

"A-Are you alright, Anna-chan?"

I knocked on the golem's head, looking into its mono-eye to see if I could find Anna anywhere.

Suddenly, the golem started moving even without being told to.

"Yahoo! My suspicions were correct! I can possess these golems!"

The Anna who was possessing the golem said, as she made the golem's body move into a victory pose.

She started hopping around like an excited child, but since she's in a hulking golem's body, the movements appeared very creepy.

She finally stopped hopping around, then looked right at me. The golem's mono-eye wandering down from my face to…

"Oi, don't even think about it."

"Che…"

This ghost loli is seriously dangerous.

"Hero-kun? I heard some very loud noises. Megumin-chan warned me that the 'over-sexed' Hero-kun might try to do something with one of the more curvaceous golems if I left him alone, but I didn't really believe her until…"

"Don't finish that sentence! Don't believe everything that girl or any of the girls in that household tells you about me!"

I told Fuwarin-san about Anna-chan, who was now moving around non-stop, enjoying the feeling of having a material body for the first time in a long time.

"There is a practice for having common spirits inhabit suits of armor in order to weaponize them. These are called Living Armor, and they are classified as undead types."

Fuwarin-san said, as she studied the Anna possessed golem carefully.

"Living Armor… You mean like the Dullahan, Beldia?"

"Oh, no. Living Armor and Dullahan are very different! Well, I'm not an expert by all means. I did consider putting a spirit inside my golems to make them more intelligent, but as a mage, I don't have the ability to perceive spirits like priests do, and even then, it's not certain that the spirit will obey my command and not just act on its own. Spirits have unpredictable personalities, after all."

"Kazuma-san, this lady is saying something rude about us spirits. Maybe I should punish this granny? She may look like a young girl from the outside, but a spirit like me can smell the oldness from her!"

"H-Hey! I'm sorry about this girl, Fuwarin-san! She's just excited to be moving around again and is getting carried away! I swear, she's normally a polite girl!"

Well, that last part was a lie.

"Eh? Did Anna-chan say something? Sorry, I can't really speak with ghosts, so…"

"Ah, nothing!"

"If you say so…"

That's right. Even though Anna-chan has a physical body now, the golem she's inhabiting doesn't have vocal chords or even a mouth to speak with. I can only hear her 'voice' now because I have the ability to communicate with spirits.

"Hero-kun, I just thought of something. If Hero-kun can convince other spirits to inhabit the golems, wouldn't be able to raise quite a formidable army?"

Fuwarin-san said, after watching Anna frolic around for a while.

"It's just like Fuwarin-san said, I don't think I can trust some weirdo spirits with golem bodies."

"But Hero-kun has those Phantoms in his employ, right? That's why you learned skills to communicate with ghosts in the first place."

The Phantoms who dwell the floors of this dungeon, Fuwarin-san is referring to them.

To be frank, those things scare me and I only tolerate being around them because they're useful.

"I don't think they'll obey me outside of the dungeon."

"If they have a boss ghost controlling them, I believe that even Phantoms can be tamed."

"A boss ghost, huh… Surely, you're not referring to _that_."

I pointed to Anna, who was now using her golem body to thrust her hips at another golem.

"I'm imitating what Kazuma-san does to his body pillows at night. Well? Am I doing it right?"

Thank god Fuwarin-san can't hear the voices of spirits.

 **Part 5**

My expectations weren't that high when I finally agreed to Fuwarin-san's plan.

As we headed to the floor where the phantoms were, we came across Darkness and Wiz.

"Cursed Crystal Prison! Now, Darkness-san!"

Wiz completely froze the minotaur that had been swinging its axe at Darkness.

Darkness, who had been ecstatically receiving the blows from the minotaur, snapped out of her pleasured daze as Wiz called out to her.

"Ah! I-I'll attack it now! Intermediate Sword Skill! Hiyaahhh!"

It's a passive skill, you don't need to yell it out.

Still, it was good to hear that Darkness is learning proper sword skills now.

But even with a skill…

"Urk!"

Darkness tripped on herself halfway before she could reach the minotaur.

"..."

She stayed face planted like that, her ears burning red.

Even with sword skills, you simply can't get rid of your clumsiness, huh, Darkness-san?

"D-Don't fret! No one else saw Darkness-san tripping all over herself even if there weren't any obstacles in the way! Please don't be embarrassed!"

"...Y-Yeah, that's right, no one else saw…"

To save Darkness the embarrassment, I used Lurk on us and went on a seperate route.

The Phantom floor is placed just below Vanir's floor. He requested that I make a challenging floor, just before the final boss room, to give adventurers a taste for the torment that's awaiting them.

It shouldn't be a surprise, but that guy is one nasty devil.

Phantoms are spirits with a strong sense of presence. Even without a physical form, an ordinary human can perceive their forms as faint shadows. With my Spectral Sight, I can perceive them as animated shadows that take on nightmarish forms.

They are not at all strong in physical attacks, but Phantoms can use debuff skills to weaken and discombobulate the enemy. If we were to give them physical bodies, they will be able to retain this ability while having means to deal physical damage as well.

They will become a formidable weapon.

At least, that's what Fuwarin-san speculates.

"Even though it's my idea… How do we get Anna-chan to become their leader?"

Fuwarin-san said, as she looked warily at the stalking shadows seemingly peering at us, despite their lack of eyes.

"I'm the Dungeon Master, so maybe they'll listen to me? Oi, you guys."

While they didn't respond right away, the shadows slowly crept towards us. It was a surreal sight. Fuwarin-san was shivering as she held onto my arm.

"...I guess they can understand me a bit? So, um… From now on, this girl over here is your boss. I'm still your boss, but she's also your boss. Does that make sense?"

"Hero-kun, those instructions would confuse any human, I don't think the Phantoms will completely understand! Hiieee! One of them is getting close to me!"

"It's Fuwarin-san's idea to do this. Please stop panicking so much."

"Hm? Oh, is that so? Okie~!. Kazuma-san, it looks like they understood you."

Anna-chan approached one of the shadows and seemed to be conversing with it.

"Eh? They talked just now?"

"Yup!"

"How come I can understand what Anna is saying but I can't understand what these Phantoms are saying?"

I don't think I even heard them talk.

"I have a convenient form with a mouth that lets me speak with you even while I'm in spirit form. These guys don't have the means to communicate with humans because, well, they're weird, shadowy things. They can understand your instructions, but you can't understand them."

It's a bit inconvenient, but I guess I can make this work.

"OK, good job, Anna-chan! Now tell these guys to possess the golems in the factory floor and await further instructions."

"...Wait, Kazuma-san, they're saying something. Eh?"

Anna placed a hand behind her ear, as if she were straining to hear what the phantoms were saying.

"Um… They're saying 'Hey, boss-man, we don't mind helping out, but this isn't part of our original contract. We are being paid to guard this floor, not to become your personal army. If you want us to do this, then you better compensate us properly.' That's what they're saying."

Why are these Phantoms speaking as if they're disgruntled blue-collar workers?

I paid Eris for these phantoms, but Hell must have compensated them for their services with some other method that would be beneficial to ghosts. The question is, what should I even pay these guys with?

When I asked Anna to relay my message, her eyebrows shot up and she blushed.

"Ehe~ Is that so~?"

I don't like the look on her face.

"Kazuma-san, this is what they said, 'Bwehehehe! So boss-man doesn't know? We asked Hell to have their finest demon courtesans give us a little peeky-peeky show, bwehehehe! Just because we don't have bodies anymore, doesn't mean we can't enjoy the naked bodies of beautiful women! Bwehehe!', that's what they said."

It's pretty unsettling to have the child-like Anna recite these dirty lines. Furthermore, she's even making lewd motions with her hands.

"Hey, Hero-kun? What are they saying? Come on, tell me."

"..."

Since Fuwarin-san kept insisting, I relayed what the Phantoms told Anna-chan to her.

"So this is what separates normal ghosts from Phantoms. They all have dark hearts! Hero-kun, make sure to be a good boy from now on with a pure heart, or else this will be your fate in the after-life!"

I'd rather you warn the ghost loli who has no problems repeating such dirty lines.

"In short, the phantoms want to be compensated similarly to how Hell compensated them."

I guess since they can't use any normal form of currency, they have to compromise and accept all sorts of weird forms of compensation. No, even if they could still use real money, they'd probably spend it on something like this.

Whatever the reason may be, if I want to use these guys as my army, I should think of something.

"Oho. I thought of something."

I smacked my hands together.

"It seems like Kazuma-san has an idea! Please share it, my sensei in all things lewd!"

Anna-chan looked at me excitedly, while Fuwarin-san sighed and shook her head.

"I don't even want to know. I'll be in my factory. I think I can feel these pervy Phantoms looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. I can't believe I'm letting these guys possess my cute little golems… Sniff…"

Once Fuwarin-san left, I shared my idea to Anna-chan and the Phantoms.

They were quick to come on board.

 **Part 6**

"Uwaa… To think Kazuma-san was kind enough to install a hot spring for us…"

Dust's comrade, Lynn, after a hard day's work training in the dungeon, dipped into the recently installed hot spring bath.

"I'm surprised he was able to install it so soon."

Darkness, who was already soaking in the bath, answered Lynn with a hint of pride,

"Since Aqua was the one to install it, the construction only took half a day."

"Darkness-san is lucky to have such reliable teammates!"

Receiving the response Darkness wanted, she beamed with pride at hearing someone else compliment her important comrades.

"Should someone like me enjoy such luxuries? I'm beginning to fall in love with baths ever since the trip to Alcarentia with everyone. Although, I don't understand why I have to wear these special goggles?"

Wiz, who had been training Darkness, was also enjoying the bath.

As for the goggles, it's to prevent Wiz, or anyone else with the ability to see ghosts, from seeing the Phantoms, who are currently gawking at them.

Vanir is the one who provided me with these products. If Wiz wants to blame someone, she should blame her colleague.

"Kazuma-san said these goggles protect your eyes from the steam. Apparently, hot steam causes eye wrinkles to develop."

"Ah, that's horrible!"

This is the excuse I came up with.

Although the men on the other side of the hot springs don't really care about such things, the women took this kind of shady skincare advice seriously.

I, Satou Kazuma, the one who was responsible for this arrangement, watched through my personal peeping hole. No, I am not peeping on the girls. I am just looking to see if the Phantoms were satisfied with our arrangement.

Based on how those shadows were hovering around the women and gyrating suspiciously, I suspect that they are.

"Kazuma-san, the plan is a success. The Phantoms are completely under our control now."

Anna-chan said, as she slipped through the walls of my hidden peeping base.

"That's good to hear, but please don't make it sound as if we enslaved them."

Even though most of the women in the dungeon were enjoying the bath, Fuwarin-san was notably not in attendance. She must have caught on that this new hot spring bath was a result of my negotiations with the Phantoms.

"I bet Kazuma-san is thinking, 'Ah, it sucks to be in a relationship. Even though I have a clear view of all these naked women, I can't do anything about it'."

"T-That's not true…"

I hurriedly closed the peeping hole just to prove a point.

"Ah, one of the Phantoms just spoke to me. They will work in intervals. Half of the Phantoms will start possessing the golems, while the other half will stay here and continue to admire the ladies for a bit longer."

"I'm glad that they're organized enough to take shifts, but are they really going to be hanging around in the bath house all day?"

"They also requested that Kazuma-san make these hot springs open to the public, because the female adventurers will soon be busy with the war. They would like to have a constant stream of women to gawk at even while the female adventurers are fighting."

"These Phantoms are really something!"

Perhaps I made a huge mistake.

I stood up from my seat and made my way out of my hiding spot. Anna-chan followed, cheerily floating behind me.

"Where are you going now, Kazuma-san?"

"The enemy could be attacking at any moment. I'll take some of the golems with me and join the defense."

"Ohh~ How diligent. I thought Kazuma-san will do what the Phantoms suggested and open the dungeon's bath house to the public."

This girl is really starting to develop a knack for picking on me. Could she be an 'S' type?

When I stepped out into the normal dungeon area, I heard quite a commotion.

"Bath house, bath house, bath house! I heard there's a bath house! A bath house where the naked Wiz is bathing in! Let me in…. LET ME INNNN!"

There is now a certain Dullahan who is rampaging outside the bathhouse.

One of the adventurers stopping him from entering the women's bath is Katsuragi… Or was it Matsuragi? Whatever his name is.

"So this is the Dullahan who attacked the town in the past. I wasn't present at the time due to, uh, certain circumstances, but let's see which one of us is the superior warrior… Ack!"

Beldia whacked Katsuragi on the head with the flat end of his sword. He's down for the count.

"Ne, Beldia, be a good little Dullahan and go back to your room."

I said, casting Heal on the fallen Katsuragi.

"Noooes! I don't wanna go back to that dark, lonely place! If you're not gonna let me see the naked Wiz who is washing her sweaty body in the bath right now, then at least take me out of this cold, dank dungeon! Let me out… LET ME OUUUUTT!"

"In or out, make up your mind!"

This will be a good test to see if I can mobilize the Phantom possessed golems or not. It's not clear if dungeon monsters can leave the dungeon, even after I, the DM, has permitted them. After making Beldia promise that he'll behave, I took him outside for a walk.

"Treating me, a proud Dullahan, like a dog… Don't think that I'll tolerate such treatment forever… Oooh, sunshine!"

The excited Beldia sprinted outside and basked in the sunshine.

"OK, now do you feel any adverse side-effects for being outside the dungeon?"

"Um, no? Wait, are you using me as some kind of experiment?! Wait… I feel kind of… Gacckkkk!"

Beldia flopped to the ground and started writhing in pain.

As I suspected, there's this kind of effect.

But the Phantoms are possessing the golems. They are a different type of creature now, technically. Perhaps I can take them out of the dungeon?

"Oi, Anna, you can tell Fuwarin-san to send one golem out for now."

"Okie! I'll be right back!"

"Gahhh! I have to go back! Please let me go back to the dungeon!"

I ignored Beldia's screams as he ran back to the dungeon.

I waited for a few moments. One golem walked out of the dungeon. We waited for a few moments.

"This golem-kun says that he's OK!"

"Good. Send the all of the others out now."

At my command, a coordinated march of golems soon poured out of the dungeon entrance.

"What do you think about my army, Beldia? I've come pretty far since we last fought, huh?"

I couldn't help but show off a little to our first major enemy. I joined him inside the dungeon and considered casting Heal on him, but I remembered that would just hurt him even more.

"Hm… It's not as impressive as my army of undead, but I guess it's alright."

I received this tsun response. I guess he's still mad about me using him as a guinea pig.

"Sniff… My children have grown so fast…"

Fuwarin-san wiped a tear from her eye as she watched the golems marching on, into the sunset.

"Hm? What's that red golem over there, at the front?"

"Since Anna-chan will be the boss, I gave her a different golem, so we can tell her apart from the others."

With the way she's hopping around and waving at us, I think it's pretty easy to tell even without the different color.

We continued our march to the walls.

As the townsfolk saw the army of golems, with me leading the charge, they cheered us on.

"Wohh! The enemy doesn't stand a chance!"

"We believe in you, Kazuma-san! Finish this war quickly!"

I guess the image of an army of golems was more inspiring than I thought. The people's morale were raised just from them looking at it.

But the ones who were the most impressed were…

"So cool! Kazuma, where did you get these golems?! Did you make them for me?!"

"There's so many Dendromaidens marching around! It's not as impressive as my craftsmanship, but I'm quite impressed!"

Megumin and Aqua, who were stationed at the walls, were gushing about the march of golems.

"They're not Dendromaidens, and no, I didn't make them for Megumin to play with. These guys will help us in the war."

"Ohh~" x 2.

I had the Phantom Golems, led by Anna-chan, patrol the perimeter. In the meantime, I joined Aqua and Megumin in their oh-so important task of loitering around outside the town walls.

"That person will show up soon, I can feel it."

Megumin said, even though Wolbach hasn't shown up around the time she usually does.

"I tried extra hard with today's fortifications. I can't wait for that hag to show up and try to take down my walls! I'd like to see her try!"

"I'd rather have the enemy not show up at all. Stop raising all sorts of flags, already!"

As soon as I said this, the ground started shaking.

"Crap! What is it now?!"

Something big is obviously coming.

An alarm sounded throughout the town, but it was different from the alarm the guild designated for the enemy forces. I don't recognize this alarm.

" _Treasure Island incoming! I repeat, Treasure Island incoming!"_

What the hell is a treasure island?

As the shaking drew nearer, I could see a massive, shining figure. It was like a big block of gold heading our way.

Wait, why is this so-called island moving?!

The adventurers and guards immediately abandoned their posts. They cheered and hollered as they confirmed the sight of this 'Treasure Island'.

"Oiii! Why are you all abandoning your posts?! What if this is a trick by the enemy?!"

Maouko is a Bard who is a master of illusion magic. She could be using this as a trap to lure us out.

"The Kazuma who is already rich beyond compare can't understand our struggle! Even if it's a trap, we have to take the risk!"

This isn't good. Just the sight of gold is making these guys hysterical.

"Aqua, Megumin, let's try to calm everyone down… Eh?"

Those girls joined the stampede of adventurers.

"What the hell are you doing?! I understand the others, but why are you guys ditching your posts, too?!"

I caught up to them, grabbing Aqua by her hair and Megumin by her cloak.

"Owww! Why are you so rough only with me?! The appearance of a Treasure Island is a very rare event! It usually never comes out of its sleep underground! I don't care how loaded we are, we can't let this opportunity pass! Oiii! You guys! Get out your pickaxes and shovels!"

She freed herself from my grip and ran towards her construction team, who were already equipped for this event.

"...And what's your story, Megumin?"

"As someone who's lived in poverty all her life, I can't pass up the opportunity to make more money when it's presented to me."

"How much more money do you girls want?! Do you want me to show you my bank account?! The insane amount of money I have will make you faint and have trouble sleeping at night! Give up on this treasure hunt already!"

"L-Let go of me! I just want to see what the mythical Treasure Island looks like up close, that's all! How can I pass this up?!"

"So that's your true intent! Stop being so childish and stay here!"

I managed to get Megumin to stay but the others were already long gone, having run off to town to get equipment for the excavation.

If this really is Maouko's trap then we're falling right for it!

"Hey, Kazuma doesn't need to worry so much. As an Arch-Wizard, I can sense that this Treasure Island is the real deal. It's not an illusion. And you can see Rain-san and the other mages haven't sensed anything strange, either."

I looked to Rain and the other mages who, thankfully, maintained their positions. They were trembling, though, and seemed to be in great pain, as if already regretting their decision, but they still resisted the temptation. They are true professionals.

"Damn it! I wanna go to, too! I'm sorry, Rain-sama!"

"Ah, wait, please don't leave!"

Nevermind.

 **Part 7**

The Treasure Island, as it turns out, was one giant turtle covered in gold and other precious ores and minerals.

No one knows how long it's been around, but it's undoubtedly ancient. A divine creature, it could be said that this majestic creature is a god, one that brings great fortune to the people in the rare moments it wakes from its slumber.

It's a docile creature who will let people climb on its shell and excavate the treasures on its back. Then, after a certain time, it will depart and return to its next underground nest, entering another deep and long slumber.

As Megumin explained this to me, true to her words, the Treasure Island, this great kami turtle, parked itself just outside of the town's walls, in the open space between the town and the woods. It's a shame the Treasure Island didn't trample all over the woods. Maybe it could have inadvertently stomped on Maouko's camp.

"Kazuma, Kazuma~ Let's go~!"

Megumin squirmed around anxiously as she stared at the impressive sight of the Treasure Island. I didn't know what the guild's stance on this situation was, but it didn't look like they were trying to actively stop adventurers from going to the island.

It wouldn't be good for morale if they ordered everyone to stay away from a giant, moving island of gold and precious stones. Even Luna doesn't seem to be scolding the people who choose to go.

"Alright, Megumin, let's go. But we're only going to make sure everyone is safe."

"Got it! Let's go, Kazuma!"

She grabbed my hand and dragged me off. Before she could snatch me away, I turned to Anna-chan and the golems.

"Stay here for now and protect the town in case something goes wrong!"

"But Kazuma-san, I wanna go, too!"

What a willful ghost.

Fortunately for me, Anna-chan didn't act out against my orders and stayed in her position, having the golems guard the town. With Vanir and the golems in the town, I guess I don't have anything to be worried about.

The Treasure Island was stationed in a resting position. Its eyes were half-open and didn't even look at all the humans digging and picking their way through it's gold encrusted shell. There were even golden crusts stuck in its eyelids. I guess, for a mythical creature, this is the equivalent of morning Rheum.

Although the Treasure Island was in a stationary position, crouching down on its stubby turtle legs, the adventurers still needed to scale up with grappling hooks. Megumin and I rented a pair from a civilian who rushed over to sell adventurers his mining and mountain climbing equipment.

While it would be profitable for civilians to scale up the Treasure Island, there are still many perils up there such as monsters and creatures that had taken residence, like ticks, on the Treasure Island's back. Only adventurers, and those who are confident in their ability to survive, are willing to risk their lives to climb up the Treasure Island.

"Let's do this, Kazuma!"

Megumin said, while excitedly swinging her grappling hook around

Just as we were about to throw our grappling hooks...

"...! Enemy! It's a trap! There's Demons on the Treasure Island!"

An adventurers yelled from on top of the Treasure Island.

I used Farsight to see what's happening. As the adventurer said, fully-armed demons were coming out from hiding and attacking the adventurers who had been mining the treasure.

"Wahhh! Kazuma! Save meee!"

Aqua was swinging a pickaxe around, trying to hold off a group of demons. I ignored her.

"N-Ne, isn't this bad, Kazuma?! Half of our troops are on the Treasure Island! Who could have seen this coming?!"

"Oi, didn't I warn everyone?! I really don't get how you guys can never predict these kinds of developments happening!"

"Now is not the time to say 'I told you so!' What should we do, Kazuma?!"

I held Megumin, who is quick to panic, by the shoulders, trying to get her to calm down.

"Megumin should go back to town and regroup with everyone that stayed. Those in the dungeon probably didn't hear the commotion in time. Get them to come out and defend the town."

"O-Okay! What will Kazuma be doing?"

"...I don't really have much choice, do I? I have to go up there and save those greedy idiots."

I gave the most charming smile I could.

"Good luck, Kazuma."

Megumin smiled, holding my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Un. I'll be right back."

I gave a cool salute and threw my grappling hook.

Clang!

It bounced off the lump of gold I was trying to hook it around.

"..." x 2.

I tried again. It worked this time.

"...Y-Yeah, good luck, Kazuma."

"T-Thanks."

The mood was ruined by my failed attempt to look cool.

While Megumin ran back to town, I scaled the Treasure Island.

I enhanced myself with strengthening buffs but it was still quite a workout.

When I made it on top of the Treasure Island's shell…

"Wahhh! Saaaveee meeee!"

As if instantly sensing my arrival, Aqua brought a horde of demons to me.

"This useless goddess! You're an Arch-Priest but instead of saving others, you're the one who always needs to be saved! Chasmic Mud Trap!"

I made trench of mud between Aqua and the first row of demons who were chasing after her. The first demons fell into the trap, and the others tripped over them.

"Volley! Snipe!"

In their vulnerable state, I was able to eliminate all of them with a rain of arrows.

"T-That was dangerous! What if you hit me?!"

Aqua said, rubbing the tears and snot from her face.

"I used Snipe, didn't I?! Nevermind that! You idiot! I told you not to climb on top of this thing!"

"OW!"

I gave her a good smack on the head.

"You better not heal that. You'll need to reserve your mana for later."

I swiped away Aqua's hands, which had started to glow as she reached out to her swollen head.

I looked out at the surroundings, using Farsight to observe the skirmishes going on.

"Aqua, that group over there needs healing. After you're done with them, support the group over there."

"How can you make me go into battle with a swollen head?! You're so cruel!"

"Just get moving already!"

"Yip!"

I gave her a kick on the rump, which spurred her to start running to the group that needs healing.

Maouko will probably make her next move soon. I have to get these guys out of here fast.

"Lurk…"

I hid in the shadows, making sure my position can't be discovered.

"Snipe! Snipe! Snipe!"

From my hiding place, I sniped enemies from afar, taking out the most powerful looking enemies and letting the adventurers take care of the mooks that were left over.

Detect Enemy warned me everytime the demons were starting to become aware of my presence. I'd change to another location and use Lurk again.

With my Snipe and Sneak Attack, which doubled the damage since I'm hidden, it didn't take long to dwindle down the enemy's forces. However, that meant that I soon exhausted my supply of arrows. If I used flashy, long range spells, they'll spot me instantly.

I used the last of my arrows. After I ran out, I tried out a spell combo I've been experimenting with lately but haven't tried out in an actual battle yet.

"Create Water, Freeze, Craft!"

It was an odd combination, using magic and a crafting skill at once, but the result was perfect.

I successfully made an ice arrow.

I might as well try out another combination.

"Power-Up! Surpass Limits! Blessing! Snipe! ...Ah, crap!"

My bow shattered, unable to handle the force of the enhanced Snipe.

The ice arrow cleanly pierced through a demon's head. Bloody, icy particles from the broken arrow drifted out from the exit wound. The demon's corpse fell to the ground.

That caused a commotion from the Demons corps.

"T-There's a really dangerous Archer! Wait… Ice? It's a mage?"

I used this confusion to bring myself closer to the skirmishes, still hiding myself.

I found a group of fallen Demon archers from about ten feet away. Their expensive looking bows laying beside their corpses.

"Mage Hand!"

A floating, mana-construct hand materialized near one of the bows. I chose a long bow this time, hoping it will withstand the force of my enhanced archery. The Mage Hand brought the bow straight to my real hand.

I took out a manatite crystal, refuelling my mana reserves. I made another ice arrow, notched it, took aim.

Another enhanced Snipe pierced through the thick helmet of a giant Demon.

"Urk…!"

While my new bow withstood the blow, my arm suffered the recoil.

"Heal…"

I healed the torn muscle, then notched another arrow.

I fired one enhanced Snipe after another, healing my torn muscles after every three shots.

I can speed this up.

"Quick Draw! Rapid Shot!"

"Over there! I found him! He's over there… Gack!"

The Demons spotted me, but as I got into a rhythm, it was too late for them to do anything about it.

"Escape. Fleet-Foot. Auto-Dodge…!"

Let's call this combination 'Kiting'.

With Detect Enemy, ambushes don't work on me. I felt the presence of Demons in my blind spot, trying to flank me

I tumbled away from the thrust of a dagger, using my Acrobat skill.

"...! He rolled away?!"

"Volley."

"Urrkk!"

I eliminated all the assassins trying to flank me. Taking advantage of the perceived opening, the warrior type demons charged at me from the point.

"Oraaa!"

"Wind Wall, Create Earth."

"Ehhh?! Hacck! Gacck! What is this…?!"

I used Wind Wall to momentarily halt their advance, then sprayed fine dust into the gust of wind, pepper spraying all of them.

Since they were at close range, I tucked the new bow into my quiver and drew my katana.

"Intermediate Sword Skill!"

Taking a page from Darkness's book, I yelled out the name of a passive sword skill.

I swiftly dispatched the blinded demons.

I focused my Detect Enemy skill. There were still enemies around, but the area was clear enough that we could make a retreat.

"Oiii! You guys! Let's head out! Retreat!"

Aqua already healed all of the wounded. Everyone is able to make a safe retreat.

They took their grappling hooks and scaled down the Treasure Island's shell.

"Kazuma! They're chasing after us!"

Aqua said, as she took her grappling hook and started to scale down.

"Don't worry about that! Just keep the others safe!"

I said, as I watched the enemy give chase.

"Not so fast! Don't let them get away! Flying Demons, after them!"

A horde of winged demons flew after us.

I need my hands free if I want to hold them off. I threw my grappling hook away and jumped down after Aqua and the others.

"Kazuma?! I know the enemy is tough, but don't give up on your life so easily!"

What the hell is this useless goddess saying?

"Featherfall!"

I stopped my descent and floated in the air. I drew my bow again and materialized an ice arrow.

"We're prepared for that now! Mages, use Protection from Arrows!"

As if I'm limited to shooting arrows.

"Lightning!"

"Gyieeee!"

I summoned a jolt of lightning to fry them.

Thanks to my cover fire, we landed safely. The demons stopped their pursuit, opting to save their man power instead of chasing targets that have successfully retreated.

"Are you guys unharmed? I have some manatite crystals if you guys need it."

"..."

"W-What?"

They were staring at me blankly for some reason.

"I know that Kazuma is a big shot hero now, but to be honest, a part of myself couldn't really believe it. So he's actually that powerful, huh…?"

"I thought that the girls in his party did all the work and Kazuma was just taking credit. I guess there's no doubt, now that we've seen him in action."

"S-Sorry for thinking that you're just a braggart who makes up unbelievable stories, Kazuma-san!"

They started applauding me, smiling and clapping.

"Oiiii! I just saved your asses so what's with insulting me, hah?! You should be saying 'Kazuma, you're great!', 'Kazuma, you're cool!' The girls should be offering to do all sorts of lewd and whorish things with the cool me, while I reject them and say 'Sorry, ladies, I'm already taken'. That's how it's supposed to play out, you ungrateful jerks! Read the mood!"

"Who the hell is gonna do 'whorish' things with you, hah?!"

"Just because you saved us, doesn't mean we'll forgive you for saying all that!"

It looks like another fight is about to start.

However, before we could start brawling…

"Hey, Kazuma, isn't that the Maouko chick we're supposed to be fighting?"

Aqua said, as she squinted up into the sky. I followed her gaze and like she said, Maouko was flying above us, looking smug as always.

"Kekeke! To think you'd actually pull off that stunt back in Hell, Satou Kazuma! And you even foiled my ambush plan! I guess I'm a little impressed!"

Normally, Maouko is the type to sulk whenever her plans are foiled. The fact that she's still confident right now makes me worried.

"Kekeke! You've made an enemy of Hell, Satou Kazuma! I won't have to worry about you for the rest of this war now that the Hound Dog of Hell, Aesir, is coming for you! Now, on to the next stage of my plan!"

Maouko, with a flap of her wings, flew close to the Treasure Island's head. It regarded her with lazy, but curious eye.

"It was really fortunate that this thing chose to migrate here! Fufu! Now… Let's have you fight for me, you big, stupid lump of gold."

She placed her hand on the Treasure Island's head.

"Dominate Creature!"

The Treasure Island's placid eyes slowly darkened, turning red.

"Grrr…!"

With a growl, it began rising. Dirt and debris fell from its titanic body and showered all around us.

"Hack! Gack! Eww! Ne, Kazuma, why is that thing moving all of a sudden?!"

Aqua asked, spitting out the dirt that got into her mouth. The answer should be obvious.

"Kekeke! The war has just begun! Now, my servant, I command you! Lay waste on Axel!"

"Grrrrrraaarrgggh!"

With a thunderous, enraged roar, the Treasure Island began its siege.

* * *

 **A/N: It took longer than I expected to publish this because there was a lot of content to cover in this chapter. I felt that there were some pacing problems, too, and had to rework some scenes. In the next chapters, I might have to experiment with POV switches. I realize that the Light Novel doesn't necessarily rely on this technique that much, except on special occasions, but it will be very difficult to tell the kind of story I want to tell, and to cover all aspects of the war, if I'm limited to Kazuma's POV. I will try to keep it to the first person POV, though, as I'd like to keep the narration consistent. As always, thanks for reading, and I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can.**

 **-BoringBone**


End file.
